Alex Cooper ON: Feeling Insecure? This Video Will CHANGE Everything! | Jay Shetty | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Alex Cooper ON: Feeling Insecure? This Video Will CHANGE Everything! | Jay Shetty".
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I think as a woman, especially as we've seen in the world, we are not equal to men. We don't have autonomy over our bodies. And so it for me using my platform right now to be like, let me be the boldest I can be. Even if people are a little taken aback, I hope it just helps other women. The best-selling author and host. The number one health and wellness podcast. On purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now this happens now and again, but there's someone that I've been following, admiring from afar. And then you see they follow you and you just go, I need to, I want to connect with this human and I want to get to know them. And someone that when you watch their content, you feel like you already know them. And the few moments I've spent with her just as she'd been walking into the studio, I already felt like I had a connection with her. She's a really beautiful, warm hug and just like this really positive feeling. But this is someone who has dominated as an entrepreneur, been extremely successful as a business person, an incredible host and interviewer, someone who is so multi-talented across the board, whether it's being authentic on camera, off camera, editing, creating. I mean, the works. And I'm speaking about the one and only Alex Cooper, creator, host and executive producer of the hugely successful, which is an understatement, the podcast brand called Call of Her Daddy. Alex is one of the most listened to female podcasters in the world with millions of listeners per episodes. And Alex continues to break all boundaries by shattering stigmas and stomping on misogyny, all while keeping mental health and personal empowerment at the forefront. And that's what really drew me into her work was when I started to see her talk about mental health and well-being and habits, I was just blown away and I was like, we have to make this happen for our on purpose community. And to the millions of devoted gen Z and millennial listeners, the daddy gang, the call ahead, which I'm a part of, the call of daddy brand represents a new set of values and standards. And in addition to Alex has a successful merchandise line as well as several exciting businesses and endeavors in the pipeline, which I can't wait to discuss. Alex, welcome to on purpose. Thank you so much for having me. I need to make that like my alarm clock every morning of like, just like really height myself up. Oh my God, you are so good at doing those intros. No, well, it's part of like this culture that I adopted through living as a monk. And it was just when you met someone or when you introduced people, it was always part of the culture to like genuinely feel all with who you're in front of and to genuinely take in what they've done because it helps you feel more grateful when you're with them. I feel very grateful to be with you today. I feel more inspired. I feel like I can learn. I feel curious and I feel often, at least from the culture I grew up in, we always played people down. Like we always kind of like, oh, well, we don't want to say this stuff about them. But I actually thought you have a worse conversation because then you think, well, what do I have to learn from this person or this person's probably going to be up themselves? So what am I going to get? Yeah, that's actually, yeah. And it ruins the vibe. That's a great concept because I always think I feel like with social media people now, everyone millennial, Gen Z, everyone's like, we're all egotistical. And so sometimes you try to downplay what you're doing, but it's actually such a great concept that you're taking a complete different spin. You're like, let's actually embrace our successes and everything we're doing and embrace it and enjoy it rather than feel shamed and like want to be hush hush about it. Or on the other side, don't be jealous of someone if they're thriving and like, because you can learn from them. Like I'm so excited to sit across from you today because I'm like, Jay Shady, like, let's get into it because I'm, I'm geeking. I'm a huge fan. What you're doing is so incredible. I listen to your podcast and I don't listen to many, but I'm very excited and humbled to be here. So thank you. Oh, that's the biggest compliment. I had no idea. So now I'm like blushing if you're listening. We're both blushing. And I have to tell you this because I just love people knowing this and I really appreciate that coming from you. But I have a ruler. Whenever we bring on a new team member, the number one of the questions I asked them in the interview is, who would you love as a guest of on purpose? Like who would that person be? And then Helena, who's our podcast producer, it was you. And she was just like, yeah, and I was like, she's already scheduled. Helena, I love it. Daddy gang. Daddy gang. Daddy gang. And so it was just this beautiful feeling where she was like, yeah, I'd love Alex cute. And I was like, we've already got my schedule. She's coming on the show. It was already happening. I'm honored. Thank you. So anyway, you have a lot of love in our community for you. Thank you. We're all big fans. But let's dive straight into it. Let's get into it. I'm observing someone like you looking from the outside in. I think one of the things that fascinates me is like, you know, what someone interested in behind the camera, I just saw you in Italy. Me and my wife were so jealous and fomoeing because we just go to Italy every summer when we lived in London with both born and raised in London. What was your favorite thing about Italy?
Personal Experiences And Thoughts
What was your favorite thing about Italy? (04:56)
The food, the pasta. I have never been. I rarely take like big vacations like that. And I was so excited to just try the pasta. I grew up in Pennsylvania. And so, you know, I don't know if we're like running to the fish department in Pennsylvania. You're like, oh, what can we eat? So it was kind of like Italian, but it was kind of bad Italian. Sorry to everyone in Pennsylvania. And so, but I've always loved carbs and I was an athlete. So I'm like, when I get there, it was breakfast, lunch, dinner, pasta. Let's go dessert pasta. Let's go. So it was amazing. But we went to the Amalfi Coast. That was beautiful. So fortunate to be there. And it was, it was incredible. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I was genuinely living through your stories. And I was just like, oh, I want to go back. I want to go back. So we're planning next year. Amazing. But everyone from the US felt like they were literally this summer. Like everyone I know. Every single person on my Instagram was in Italy. So I was like, OK, great. I'm going. This is the first year I won't have a FOMO because I always see people in these places like Abiza or, you know, meek a nose. And I've never been any of those places. And I was like, this year I'm going to Italy and I'm doing it. And it was, it was amazing. One of the things I love about you in person that I'm observing is that you're so warm. Like from the moment you walked in, so warm. Like, you know, I love it when I always, when someone gets out their car and they arrive at my home, the first thing I want to do is hug them. And when I see that same energy, I'm like, this is awesome. But one of the things people observe about you online is that you're confident. You're very confident on the podcast. You're very confident in your stories, which is a beautiful quality, was young Alex confident too. I know we've heard about like, you grew up in front of the camera with your father and like, you know, so was confidence always easy for you? And how is your journey with confidence involved?
I turned to making content as an escape.” (06:33)
The answer is no. Absolutely not. I, it's actually been interesting because the past year I've really started to get into this in therapy with my therapist. And I haven't really, like I've, I think I've mentioned it a couple of times to the daddy gang, but I don't talk about it a lot because I'm still kind of going through it in therapy. When I was younger, I had a really hard time in school, not grades wise. You know, I was a solid B. Let's throw it out there. Maybe I tried a little harder. We could have gotten some A's, but I was severely bullied for my looks. I was super, super skinny. People made fun of me said that like I looked like I had an eating disorder. I had awful, awful acne to the point where like I would beg my parents to like, let me stay home from school. And I was, it was so bad. And I turned inward a lot. Like I never wanted my parents to know that I was going through it because I was ashamed. It's embarrassing to not be able to connect with your peers and also to be, I was physically bullied. Like the boys would be like, let's play a game. Her legs are so tiny. Like if we trip her, they will snap in half. And like it was awful. And I never really talked about it, but what got me through it actually was my dad works in sports and he's a producer. And I remember at like seven years old, he handed me a camera and was like, go make something. And so my escape from really hate, like I hated everything about myself. I hated my skin, my face, my hair, my teeth, my body, my torso, my legs. Like I could pinpoint every single thing about myself that I hated. And it was almost everything exterior wise. But inside, I knew I was a good person. I knew I was a good daughter. I knew I was a good friend, but I felt like it was all based on looks of why I was getting bullied. So I turned to creating content. That's what I was my escape. And I would go in my basement and I would make music videos or I would write scripts and make like little short films or silent films. And I would put on wigs and put on outfits and makeup. And it was the first time that I truly felt safe. Like I could be fully myself. Meanwhile, I was fully alone. So I'm like, oh, weirdo in my basement. But it was that and soccer specifically. I played extremely competitive soccer and I realized why I got, I felt so safe also and seen in soccer because it was all women. Can you score a goal? Like, what are you doing? So what are you bringing to the team, you know? So I don't talk about that a lot because it was actually interesting. I recently was interviewed by the New York Times and I don't do a lot of interviews. I read that. And it was in a follow up conversation. We had like an hour and a half interview. The reporter asked to do a follow up and somehow we got on the topic of my childhood. And he and I started talking and I shared with him that I had been bullied. And quite literally physically his demeanor, his fate, like his jaw dropped. And I could tell he was shocked and everything that prior that hour and a half interview I first did with him kind of was shattered because he was like, wait, what? Like you were bullied. And I realized something that moment was like the character I've created on call her daddy. There's this dichotomy of for me, the girl that was bullied and then the girl I've created or the woman I've created in the show. But I think a lot of people have a hard time because everyone wants to put things in boxes understanding like there's no way Alex Cooper, the confident call her daddy girl could have also been bullied when she was younger. And what I've come to realize in therapy is actually that ugly, awkward, acne girl is who started call her daddy because if I had not gone through that, there's no way I would have started call her daddy. I remember reading Malcolm Gladwell's outliers and it was like you've got to have 10,000 hours to even be considered an expert. By eighth grade, I was considered an expert in editing. I was like obsessed with creating content. And so that's kind of a little bit of my story where I definitely struggle sometimes to open up about it because I'm also aware on the internet sometimes people like you're lying, that's not true. And it's, I think it's hard for me because it's still so raw. Like I still haven't even fully gone there in therapy that I don't talk about it a lot because I don't want to be dismissed or questioned over something that is so personal and still really hard for me to talk about, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I want to thank you for trusting us and me and being vulnerable, but also talking about the complexity of vulnerability. I think we think we live at a time when if someone is vulnerable that everyone's response would be like, oh, you know, or a, people think that's why someone's doing it. B, if they don't think that they think you're just being vulnerable, sometimes it's complex to say, well, maybe it wasn't that hard as someone's making it out. And then there's a third where it's like, well, can we just listen to someone's experience and recognize that I think if all of us reflect, like I just realized we have so much in common, which I had no idea. And if you looked at it from the outside, I don't think people would think we have much in common at all, which is partly why I love conversations like this because I'm like, these are the conversations that bring me to life. So I was bullied for being overweight growing up. I was obese growing up. And so was my wife, actually. And so separately, we didn't know each other at the time, but we were both bullied for being overweight. I was bullied for being Indian because there weren't many Indian kids in my school. And so the color of my skin and all the rest of us bullied for that. And I wasn't the coolest kid in school. I was a straight A student. So I was the opposite. And it was like, and it was considered dorky to be smart where, especially where I grew up. So I dealt with all of that too. And so when I'm hearing you say that I was beaten up at school regularly, my mum used to come defend me in school. Like that was really embarrassing. And even now when people are like, no way. And I'm like, no, that was my entire childhood. And for me, I turned to listening to Eminem and writing music. So I did a lot of spoken word. I used to produce music. It's why I love word and language and just the artistry of what you can do with words. And then when you said you played soccer, which I know, but I'm like, that is my first love. Like if I could be anything in the world, it would be a professional soccer player, like beyond everything. That is crazy to hear because I agree with you. And that is why I love podcasting and why I love your show, my show is like, you really have no idea what one you can connect with someone on empathize with someone on or just like learn about them. And I feel like we've gotten to a point where we want to like discredit and call people out. And it's scary to be open and vulnerable on the internet. And I think like almost my persona, there was parts of me that I had to like try to claw back what I started for Call of Daddy because I was like, hold on. I need to also like, there's other parts to me other than the salacious wild crazy. And I, it was a great transition for me, which I know we'll get to, but the bullying thing, when you're that young and truly all that matters is pure acceptance. And you feel so alone. You hate yourself. And I realized recently, like, I know my persona is one thing and I, that's why I always struggle with this. I'm like, Oh, I gotta like ease my listeners into like me talking about this because it's a complete different side of myself. But we all have that, right? We all have those things like, I remember the first time I shared this with my mother was when I was 21 years old in a cab that I had been bullied and I told her mom in high school, I used to put on three pairs of leggings, tape it to my leg and then put on my school pants just to hope that everyone would think my legs were bigger. And by the time I would have soccer practice after school, my, like my joints were in so much pain from sitting in class. And I told my mom this quite literally as we're pulling up to Penn station, she was getting out and I was going to keep going. I told her this as she's getting out of the cab and she's like, Alex, like what? And it was my defense mechanism of like, I don't really want to talk about it, but I need to let my mom know what I was going through. When I look back, thank God I had my father has been the most supportive person in my life with my career. And I'm so grateful for that. Like he, any moment I needed anything, he was like, let's go find you. I want to make a green screen in the basement and he's like, let's go to Joanne fabrics. Like here we go. Let's go to Home Depot. It lights like it was, I was so fortunate to be raised by people who support me, but I also realized I had these like people pleasing tendencies because, and I still catch myself doing it in media. Like I just want to be liked because of my childhood, because of feeling left out. And it's hard. And I think comparison, like my best friend was the beautiful doll baby, perfect girl that I wanted to be. And it's like, there's so many remedies I tried to look up on Google when I was younger of like, how to, how to like fix your skin and how to make your legs look bigger. And is there a procedure? And it was like, I just can't believe how much I hated myself. But I truly don't believe I would be sitting here if I hadn't gone through that because I think that's the thing, like you just said, you had no idea what I went through, right? Why I feel like I am half decent at my job is when I sit down with people, there is this empathetic side to me that, yeah, maybe I don't need to talk about because I don't think I need to prove anything to anyone as to why I'm a good friend, why I'm a good daughter and partner. But like, it really does come from feeling so alone and isolated and hating yourself that in those moments when I'm in my basement making and creating, I had to find a way to love myself because I found like this journal of mine when I was younger, oh my god, it's so sad. And it was like really dark thoughts of like, what if I did this? Would then the kids would feel so awful? And it's like, whoa, I was really alone when I was younger and I never talked about it. And I had a friend recently that shared similar thoughts with me. We were best friends and I had no idea what she was going through and she had no idea what I was going through. So it's, it's just like a reminder of like, we really don't know. And I know that's such an over said thing, but you have no idea what people are going through. And I think especially with social media, we can make judgments, especially snap judgments. You see a headline, you see a picture, but like, we have no idea what people are going through. Yeah, absolutely. I couldn't agree with you more. And I love the point that you're making that. And I think everyone has it through some way, whether it was your parents, whether it was your friends, whether it was your peers, there was someone who made you feel less than in your childhood inadequate, incomplete. And now we're all in our creative endeavors, seeking that completion through whatever role, character, whatever it may be. And I think people forget that half the time, the most successful people who do the most incredible things did them because they had this huge gap and hole to fill and the world needed to fill that hole and gap. Only then to realize that that doesn't work either. Right. I have to go the other way, but sorry, you were going to say something.
We all go through similar experiences (18:01)
No, I agree with you. It's like there's a reason I'm so passionate and interested in what I'm doing. It's because like, I love connecting with people. I love learning about people because I know that the dichotomy of call her daddy girl versed ugly, awkward, acne girl. It's like you don't expect it and you don't really understand it until I fully explain it, which I know I haven't explained yet. But it's when I sit down with people, you I love learning about people because we're all going through such similar things. It may look different. It may feel a little bit different, but depression, anxiety, happiness, love, joy, whatever emotion. We are all human beings and we genuinely actually all can connect. We every single person can connect on at least one thing in the world. And so I feel like we've kind of lost that along the way. And I hope I think with shows like ours, like I hope it brings a little bit of that authentic nature back because we're looking past like what could be inside of someone. We're just looking on the surface level and that to me as a nightmare because when I was younger, I didn't want anyone to just take me by my looks because then I wouldn't be given the time of day. Yeah, it's incredible to hear that I was literally having the same conversation. I was with one of my clients this morning and we were talking about this and he was saying how unrelatable his life has become now through his success and everything that he's gone through. And I looked at him and I was talking to him and I said to him that, you know, I'll be honest with you that whether someone's rich or not famous or not, if someone goes through a breakup, a breakup hurts the same because none of the other stuff is medicine, like none of the other stuff is the cure. So whether you have fame and status and wealth or whether you don't, if you go through a breakup, if you lose a parent, if you lost your job, like, or you missed out on opportunity, there is a similar amount of experience, human pain that you go through. And I think what you're saying is really interesting though, like, I think you're talking about that time, people always often ask like, what advice would you give to your younger self? Would you are more interested in like, what do you think your younger self would say to you now?
I’m the same person…” (20:07)
Like if that acne girl like saw you now as you described her, what would she say? What would she think? If younger me only knew like, Alex, you're, you're going to make it, you're going to like your dreams are going to come true. Like you're going to get out of this. I remember one of the boys I went to middle school with that bullied me ended up going to my college. And at that point, I had a little glow up KJ. And he was like trying to hit on me and, and giving me all this attention and it, it only made me just feel actually awful. Cause I was like, I'm the same person. I'm the same exact person. If, if not like more grown and obviously experienced and have a little bit more of a higher IQ at this point in my life, but I'm the same person to my core. And you're only treating me differently because I got a prescription for Accutane, got some hair dye, got my braces off, put on some muscle cause I'm playing soccer. Like it's quite literally just the physical as to why you're, you're acting differently towards me. I think my younger self would look at my older self and would not even believe it. Probably I actually was thinking like, what would I say to someone that's younger and going through this? And it's like, there's nothing of like walk into school that day and stand up for yourself. It's actually like, find yourself in your alone moments because you're all you have truly. And so trying to get peer approval short, it may make the moment a little bit easier, but like these people don't actually matter. They matter to me, to my core of who they've made me their impact on my, my childhood and making me hate myself. Like it's so crazy. I always think about before, I would say about before like fifth or sixth grade, we're so innocent. You have no almost concept of even what you truly look like or, or your peer dynamic or oh boys are looking at me and I don't have boobs yet and my friend doesn't. So they're, I'm not on their top five. And I know it sounds so, you know, just dumb and, but it's so mean so much when you're that young. So I look back and it's like those years where you start, especially to be judged for what you look like when we're actually just trying to figure out inside who we are. It's so problematic. I definitely think that it affected me of what I, I put, then I did put emphasis on my looks. I can talk about that in therapy now. Like hating every single thing about myself. Of course. I was like, I want to go bleach my hair. I want to be the girl that I saw on the magazines. And then I did all of that. And I even look back at pictures of myself when I took it way too far, but it was all just for me to try to feel like the women that I thought had it all because of they looked a certain way. I guess I would just tell my also, I would tell my younger self like, keep going down in that basement. It sounds creepy guys. My basement was like finished. Don't worry. I'm leaning into your craft because in the darkest of moments, creating content actually formed who I am and gave me the strength to keep going. And it made me a full whole individual in my own right. And when I was getting bullied and when I was going through those hard times, realizing I'm going to turn my passion into my purpose. That's all I needed to be like, okay, let's keep going. So I was really fortunate to find that at a young age, but I think a lot of people do. When you're at a young age and you are going through something so hard, you find that outlet, right? And everyone has that one thing that like, I love this and I'm just fortunate enough to have made that into my career. Alex, I love listening to you. Like I am just so happy right now because I'm like, what are we hearing? And I love what you said earlier that you're in therapy right now. You're working through this. And so you haven't shared so much of this, but I'm just hearing so much coherence and so much clarity. And it's so beautiful. Like hearing someone who's gone through so much pain, so much stress. And yes, externally there's the success, but then to hear the what's happening internally and you've just reminded me of a moment of my life. I'm just, I remember being at the final year of elementary school or primary school, as we call it in London. And there was one girl that everyone fancied in class. And I fancied it too. Like she was the cutest girl in school. Like 11 years old, so whatever cute means at 11. I think it was the first time I'd ever liked to girl in like in that way. I come late to school one day and everyone's looking at me weird. Everyone's really looking at me really strange and everyone's laughing and some of the girls like in the corner like laughing and pointing and I'm thinking, what, what happened? What did I miss out on? I can't remember I was like maybe doctors appointment, whatever. And I found out that all the guys who equally fancy this girl had told the girls that I fancied her. So not anyone else knew apart from just me. And I was considered the ugliest, fattest kid in school. And so now she knew this. All her friends were laughing and then the rest of that day they all stood, I used to be a goalkeeper because I wasn't very athletic at the time. I used to be a goalkeeper, a goalkeeper is very athletic. So no offense to goalkeeper. At least at that time when you're a kid in school. It's okay Jay. Yeah, I'm just like, yeah, you know. We got to clarify. Just be clear. Just be clear. I think goalkeeper is very david to hear all the way. I mean goal and all the girls are standing behind the goal and they're just like, they're like, Jay, you can never get her. I can't believe you thought it. She's out of your league and they're literally the whole day throughout the playground. Like every time I'm playing football soccer, they're just behind the goal, like making fun of me. And it's such a like, no, it makes me memory.
The trauma of being bullied (25:54)
It makes me honestly, because I think it's interesting. I even watch you. We can smile through it now, but like it honestly makes me want to cry when I think about it because even hearing that like I can picture that happening to you because it happened to me. And it's so traumatizing when that happens to you and you literally are just fighting back tears and you're like, just get through it. Just get through it. And all you want to do is go home and it makes you hate interacting. It makes you nervous. You get really like clammed up and it's awful. Like I remember when I was in middle school, also like my teachers, I went to Catholic school and I just like never thought I belonged in Pennsylvania. I was like, what am I doing here? Like I just, I knew I wanted to do something that was definitely like big, but I also knew this is a very conservative town and we were shamed for anything regarding anything because it's Catholic. And I remember we weren't allowed to wear makeup and I was breaking out so bad. Like it was so awful this week and it was final. So I couldn't skip school. Like I would beg my mom to let me skip school and she, thank God to my mother would see when I was really struggling, I would be like, okay, you can stay home. I put a tiny bit of concealer over some of my acne because I would sit next to this kid that was like the coolest kid in school and he would always be so upset because he got to see that side of my face. And in front of the entire class, my teacher, I want to call her out. Mrs. G, I'll just say, okay, I'm like getting there. She comes over to the entire class and looks at me and goes, Alex, you're wearing face makeup, go to the bathroom and wash it off. She escorted me into the bathroom, made me rub my skin raw in a school bathroom. No soap, just water scrubbing it off. My face was so red and I remember just being like, can I go to the bathroom? She's like, no, get back to class. And I just trying to hold back tears and my entire face was inflamed. And I was like, so now I'm not even experiencing bullying from kids. Like this is like, how does this teacher not know? And she has kids, so it was like, it was a lot, but I will say it made me who I am today. I look back and I'm like, had I not gone through all of that? Like I said earlier, I know who I am now. I didn't back then. I was trying to figure it out, but I know who I am now. And I know my morals and my values. And I know that a lot of that stems from the pain that I went through and I am a very empathetic person. Maybe I don't show that a lot on my show. But I think it's all relative. I'm like, oh, if I could go back, would I redo it? No, maybe I would have wished I told my parents a little bit more. But still, I think it made me really turn inward. And that created a different level of strength and self-reliance that like, I can't even put into words. So that is such a powerful point. I mean, you've made so many amazing points that I'm going to be drawing together for our listeners at the end, but like, that is such a powerful point that I think. And I don't want to tell people to go either way, but there's a different strength that comes from going inward than the strength that's required from asking other people for help. And both strengths are important. Like going out and knowing to ask your mom or your dad or your best friend for help is extremely important. But knowing how to go and ask yourself for help internally is equally important. I think that is such a beautiful point. I've never heard it been put that way. Thank you. I've had an idea of, because I feel the same way I felt so isolated and alone. And even today when I feel that way sometimes, but now it's become solitude. It's become a strength because I've got used to depending on myself. And I know what that feels like when I'm like, I'm all I have. And I know what that feels like. So now it doesn't scare me. Totally. Whereas at 12 or 13 or 14, it really did. I think one of the things we're talking about is an evolution and identity and awareness. And this has been something that I've struggled with as things have become more public as well. Because so I went from being that kid that was bullied to being fairly in with the cool kids in high school to then going to college and being a budding spiritualist. Like my college life, if anyone met me at college, they'd be like, Jay was like nice and loving and spiritual and mindful and all these things that I was practicing. If you spoke to my high school friends, they'd be like, Jay was a party animal. He drank too much. He was crazy. Like he was the class clown. Like he tormented teachers. Like that was my repetition. And so you get this complete dichotomy. And I feel like every transition my external life took, I saw it as an opportunity to become who I wanted to be. So as I left high school, I wanted to become this mindful, thoughtful individual. And that's what I was at college. And then went off to be a monk, which was a whole different external identity, left that and now obviously doing all of this for the past few years and so many more in between. But the point is that I've given myself permission to accept that I am the same and different person all at the same time. So beautiful. Right. Like and I've given myself that permission even when other people haven't. And I feel like I'm constantly going through that where I did used to be a monk. I'm not now married. I have a home. My business is I have money. Like life has changed. But there are parts of being a monk that are still me. They're still there. I still think like a monk and his parts of my lifestyle that are still like a monk, they're parts that are not. So coming back to you, you've also been on an evolution of identities. We've just talked about a very clear one. You then have the beginning of the podcast, which is very well documented. It's all there. I don't want to dive into it. And that part of the journey is there. And then now it becomes another label where it's like Spotify, 60. It just it becomes so like diluted to a number and a brand. And you can go wherever you want to go with this. But the question I'm asking is what has been the hardest part of that evolution for you to where you are now?
We are not equal to men? (32:04)
And what do you think people misinterpret about that evolution? It is difficult because I feel especially as a woman in the industry, I have to tiptoe on not being overly confident, like I think women can all feel it. Don't be too much of this. Always veer on the side of just be quiet. Well, I've got a podcast that's a little bit difficult, right? So I definitely have struggled with the person and who I've become is confident. And I want to embody this confident and determined, badass CEO running my life that any woman could do what I'm doing, right? In whatever aspect they want to do it in their life and whatever their passion is. But it is difficult when then I walk into board meetings or meetings with these men that, and I'm like, I'm telling you what I want. And I feel like if a man was sitting here, it would be a very different conversation. If anything, he'd be going light. And so I've struggled with why am I always called the female Joe Rogan? Is does anyone compare, say, Oh, Joe Rogan's the male Alex Cooper? No, we have similar numbers. We've really loyal audiences. We both are with Spotify, like, and not no shade to Joe. I'm actually just saying it's frustrating that it is a dequalifier. It's putting me comparing me. It's not even comparing me. They're just saying like, Oh, she's basically him. But like as a woman, I don't want to be compared to anyone. And I don't, it's been hard for me to do it in a way that yeah, I'm not coming off as like angry and mad. And I think there has been times where I feel like I can't be all in business mode at times as I want to be because I'm as a woman going to be labeled. And it's like, no, I actually just know what I want. And I'm a boss. And I am running a huge company and I have so much going on and I don't want to waste anyone's time and I know what I want. What a concept. So I think I think that is something that people have misinterpreted also on the internet of like, Oh, she comes off so like, I don't know. I don't even know if it's aggressive. Like, I think as a woman, especially even if I don't know what I want, pretend I know what I want because we're at a time where as we've seen in the world, we are not equal to men. We don't have autonomy over our bodies. And so it for me using my platform right now to be like, let me be the boldest I can be. Even if people are a little taken aback, I hope it just helps other women be like, I'm going to go in today and advocate for myself to my boss or I'm going to stand up to that part because it's like, we're getting nowhere if we don't keep shoving it forward a little bit. And I've gotten at times a little nervous and I'm like, I could just sit and do my interviews and stay quiet. But that's never who I've been. I've always had an opinion. I'm a Leo. Okay. I know what I want. But it is hard because it's like, I think there's a lot of people that are a little skeptical of a really, and I hate when people say loud. Am I talking that loud? No, people like she's so loud. I'm like, am I loud? Or am I just speaking about something that maybe you don't want to hear because you don't like change and we need change? So that's something that I'm currently working on therapy. I don't think I've ever done this. I'm going to clap on the podcast. I don't think I've ever done this for any that I'm just going to clap. I'm going to take a moment to clap. And there should be more people clapping. Jordan, I need some more. Come on. Homer. There we go. Oh my God. Stop. No, I, and I've genuinely never, we've never done that podcast ever. Like, this is the only time, the first time that we've done that. I really mean that everything you just said, like, it's so true. I'm totally aligned with you. I can only look at it from the perspective that I grew up with a powerhouse mom who worked, cooked, raised me and my younger sister, provided for us both when my dad was figuring his life out. My mom was the breadwinner in the house. She was the one who helped me with my homework. She taught me how to shave. Like, that's literally who my mom was in my life. And so I grew up seeing the most powerful woman in the world, in my opinion, as a young boy and like, my mom would take me to all her meetings at night, whatever, whatever needed to happen. And then I was kind of like an older, like a father figure to my younger sister. And so I've seen it in her too. And I've seen like the stuff she's gone through it work and wherever it may be. So I can only empathize from that perspective. But when I'm listening to you speak, I'm just like, it's sad that we're still there. Like, it just pains me. I'm like, how can we still be there and how can we still be stuck there? And I want to dive into the gender part with you because I do think it's important that we talk about it here. I deal with that in a different way. And I've never talked about this either, but I feel like we're both in. Yeah, we're vibing. Yeah. And it's also like I feel understood with you. And I also know that you're because you interview and you do such an exceptional job with it. It's like, I feel like I'm getting to like open up my heart. We're interviewing each other. Yeah. I'm opening up my heart to you. But no, I mean, in the sense of, so I often get perceived as like, well, Jay, you're a monk and you're mindful. So you're not allowed to be driven and ambitious. So if I have goals in a business meeting or a PR meeting or whatever it may be, it's like, oh, but Jay, like you shouldn't have goals, right? I'm like, wait, wait a minute. Why can't both? Yeah. Can I not be both? Am I not allowed to be both? Yep. And so people are constantly like, but Jay, like, and it's like, if we, if we reach for something and I, you know, I come from a background of, I was straight A's, I worked in the corporate world. I'm highly organized. I'm a high performer. It comes naturally to me. And that's me. And then I was a monk and I have the meditative side and I meditated for two hours a day and I wake up early and take cold showers and all that kind of stuff. But it's like, to me, I've tried to put both together to create this real world because neither one makes me happy without the other. So I get the perception of, well, Jay, how can you be mindful and driven?
You can be mindful and determined (38:18)
How can you be ambitious and meditate? How can, and I'm like, but that's what we should be encouraging people to be. Like, I feel like it's because we have gotten so comfortable putting things in boxes and I love that you're saying that because it reminds me, this is, I think, such a relatable topic. Take me and my deal and my podcast and being a public figure out of it. You mentioned something about how you have these different stages of your life and I feel like it's so normal and healthy, honestly, to progress and almost be different people of your versions of yourself and try things out. I remember in high school, when I was a little bit more now secure with my looks, okay, and I was now the jock. I was on the soccer team. I was a freshman. I was thriving with my soccer girls. They were like big on campus. And I was still obsessed with making content, right? I was so embarrassed that I was in the video production class because people, my video production professor, God bless him, he was, I guess, people would consider like a little nerdy and a little too techy. And I was like, I am so honored to be his student and teach, like have him teach me. He would, we would watch movies after class and like not in a creepy way. But he was educating me on film and before me too, we would watch Alfred Hitchcock. I remember the first time he showed me psycho and so I was learning, but I lied to my peers because so my mom, I convinced my mom, please, can we go in and talk to the dean of students? I want to do video production for all four years as my elective. I never took health, which is interesting. Never learned about sex education, okay? So interesting. But I remember people being like, why are you in that video production class for all four years? This is so weird. And I was embarrassed. I lied and I was like, I don't know, like they think I'm good at it. So like, whatever, I don't have to take health at least, like whatever. I downplayed it. I was so passionate. I loved it more than soccer. It was my literally my existence. It felt like that is why I'm here. This is what I'm meant to do. But I was so embarrassed because I couldn't be a jock and also a tech girl, like a tech geek or whatever they would call me. And so I tried to hide that part of myself. And I feel like a lot of people do that, even hearing you say that, like, why can't you be mindful and also determined? And it's like, I actually think that is the such a beautiful human being when you can combine all the different parts of yourself to all be in a somewhat cohesive working situation. It works so much better for your mental health. We shouldn't all just be narrow minded. We shouldn't just have one thing that we're focused on. Are you do you have a relationship? Are you a good friend? You don't act like you're to your romantic partner like you do to your friend. What about are you a good son, a daughter of like it all is in the scheme of being humans. We have to have multi dimensional parts of ourselves. But something about being in a box, it doesn't work, Jay, if you're both of those because it can't be true. Well, why not? And I think just talking about it, anyone listening, you should not veer away from a passion because it doesn't align with something other publicly that you're doing because it's like almost a contradiction. I love a contradiction. I, that is what I do on my show. They're like, well, you said this last week, I changed my mind. This week and not in like a, okay, Alex, well, we can't believe anything you say, but things change and things shift, but we have to be cognizant of how we're embracing different parts of ourselves because if we try to not do that and just stay in one lane, we're not going to grow. We're not going to be happy with ourselves. And we're just going to be appeasing the people around us instead of what do we want? I appreciate you sharing that because I think it's a really relatable thing of like, how can I be both? Of course you can be both. It's just society has made us feel like, well, your opposing, you can't be both. Which one isn't as true? They're both true. I'm about to clap. This is just like, guys, we're just clapping. Claps to Alex. No, these are all tetons. I guess it's one after the other. I'm like, no, no, no, no, you're inspiring me. No, I'm just, I hope it's okay. Like, I don't know, I'm opening up because I just feel like the stuff we're talking about is, is relatable in different ways, right? Like, I don't know what it feels like to be a woman in the industry. I never will. I will never be able to be like, I get that. I totally know what you mean. But I get what I'm feeling in the same expression of sometimes I feel told to be quiet. Sometimes I feel told to be like, well, Jay, you shouldn't have that desire. Like, I'm told to like calm down sometimes, not because I'm aggressive in any way, but in the sense of just because I'm a driven ambitious person. So going back to what you were saying earlier, there's a part of it where it sounds like, especially, and I love where you said, like, it's not about, it's not about what Joe's doing. It's not about what anyone's doing. It's just, why does everything have to be a comparison? And that then starts to be a respect issue, right? It starts to be an issue in like, are we giving enough respect to what you've achieved and what you've built in the same way as I'll be giving respect to anyone else for what they've achieved and what they've built? What has been your relationship like with respect?
What is your relationship with respect? (43:32)
It's hard because there's a couple of dimensions to it, right? My listeners, quite literally, and I know this sounds corny, but like, truly feel like an extension of myself. Like, yeah. I have an understanding. We have talked about the most deep, in-depth, maybe taboo topics, uncomfortable topics, and when I meet the Daddy Gang, shout out, everyone listening to the Daddy Gang, when I meet the Daddy Gang out in person, I always joke because whenever I'm with anyone, they come up to me, they're like, "Oh, my God, Alex." I'm like, "Hi, what's up?" And they're like, "Okay." And they start talking. And the person that's with me, that's my friend or my parent or whatever, they're like, "Oh, who is that from college or high school?" I'm like, "No, that's Daddy Gang." We had a, wait, you guys just started talking about her break. Like, what? We have this understanding of like, if you listen to Call Her Daddy, and I'm sure you have that with your audience, like, you build such a rapport. The respect I have for the Daddy Gang and my listeners and people that give me a chance, it is so mutual and it is so beautiful, and I can't still to the say, believe what has been built of Call Her Daddy and the Daddy Gang and my relationship with them and theirs with me. I think where it becomes a little bit of a struggle is in the beginning of Call Her Daddy, it was this beautiful storm, right? A female led podcast working at Barstool Sports, which people are like, "Oh, is that a misogynistic company?" It was like actually the perfect storm of like, "Oh, I'm a woman and I'm going to have the biggest show at Barstool Sports. Watch me dance." Okay, and it was like this really cool challenge, but I think because of the nature of the content at the beginning of Call Her Daddy, it's difficult because I am in no way shape or form. I wouldn't change one thing about the beginning of that show. It was so provocative and in your face and women needed it at the time. It was like, "Oh, instead of..." Because I think the feminist movement has had many different forms, right? It continues to change and evolve. And at that point, as someone who had just graduated college, everyone can be a feminist, right? And you can have a different version of how you associate it with it. But as long as you believe in the quality of the sexes, boom, okay, and you respect women, great. But for me, it was like, if men can say it to us, let's say it right back and they're not going to like it and it's going to be really uncomfortable, but let's go for it. And I think a lot of people loved it. No, I know a lot of people loved it. The show blew up and it was controversial and it was amazing. My struggle was being so proud of what I built, but also we just talked about that box of like, "But I kind of want to talk about other stuff too." And I felt like I got pigeonholed into this like, "That's the girl that talks about sex and dating." And it was really difficult for me to respect and acknowledge what had been built and it was like brilliant what Collard Addie original days was. But I also, now I'm 28 and I started it at 22, 23. I don't want to be the same person I was at 22. I'm not. I have a different outlook on life. I have a greater interest in what's happening in the world in making a difference. Are you kidding me out of 22? I was like, "Let's drink. Let's talk about sex and let's have fun." And that's what you should be doing right at that age. But now as I've tried to transition the show, not because and I want to clarify, no one has told me to do this. I made the decision because two things happened. In the pandemic, I think when you talk about something like sex and people are so freaked out by that concept and a little nervous to, I remember back in the day, engage with the brand because it was like, "Oh, they talking about sex, that is one of the most intimate topics that you can really talk about in a universally inclusive topic." We all think about it in some capacity. I felt like if I can talk that deeply and that openly and that vulnerably on this platform to millions of people, still in therapy about that, why was I so okay doing that? We're working on it. But the point is is if I can do that, my audience was ready when the pandemic hit. We need you to talk about some other stuff because none of us are enjoying our sex life right now. But we trust you enough, Alex. Let's have deeper conversations. That is when I began talking about mental health. And that is when I opened up and acknowledged I'm in therapy. And the stigma around therapy, to know a lot of people is what's wrong with you. My mother is a psychologist. I grew up where mental health was the number one prerequisite in the house of how's your mental health, what's going on in your head, where are you at? So I think that transition for Call Her Daddy for me felt so organic. It was like, of course, we got to talk about more stuff. It's like, eventually you graduate from high school, you got to go to college or algebra one, we go to algebra two. Call Her Daddy is cemented as one of the best sex and relationship podcasts. There's 80 episodes. It is fire. You can learn some amazing tricks of the trade. Okay. But what's next? And I could feel my audience ready for something new and I was ready for something new. I wanted to explore other topics, not that I'm not going to continue to talk about those things. That, I think, was a difficult transition that some people that don't want change, not my audience. My audience not only stayed with me but then grew because people were like, "Oh, we're spicing up a little bit. There's more topics. There's more conversations, just not about sex." But I saw people that didn't like the show in the beginning. They're like, "Nope, you're still the sex girl. You cannot be talking about mental health and talking about sex. You can't tell me you're talking about sex in a deep, deep conversation. That has to do with mental health." Or you're not getting deep enough. Well, no pun intended. But when I talk about that, it's like what we're going through in the world right now with sexual identity and fluidity and trying to understand. I mean, it's so beautiful now that we've started to embrace the concept of non-binary and it's like letting people do what they feel comfortable doing. That is mental health and that is sex, right? So I think the struggle of respect has been people not loving me venturing out and straying away from what I initially was the bread and butter of Call Her Daddy. And I have been an athlete my whole life, Jay. I love a challenge. When someone tells me I can't do something but I will not lie, it has been so hard. Like trying to stay true to myself, authentic to the content but also knowing and cognizant of the fact that there are people that are like, "She's still sex. It's just sex." And I'm like, "What?" And so it's a difficult balance but I've tried to just block out the noise, not read as many of the comments. And now I think through the new kind of version of the show, it's so cool that I've taken on these interviews and kind of like going back to what we kind of said in the beginning, I'm having on these celebrity guests that everyone's like, "Oh, you're going to have on celebrities now?" But the point was, and it goes back to what we were saying earlier, "I love this challenge of like, you're going to leave and you will relate to Demi Lovato. You will relate to Miley Cyrus. You will relate to Chelsea Handler. Like these people that are coming on that seem so, their life is so unattainable, no, we can relate to them. And I've been fortunate that this new format and I think through my therapy journey and just because I know myself and I am a warm person, I am so interested in people's lives. I want to understand people better. It makes me better. It makes my audience better. Almost every single time a guest leaves Call Her Daddy. They say, "Wow. I have never felt so comfortable in an interview and I've never opened up as much as I did in this interview." And I take pride in that because I put a lot of effort into making people feel comfortable because when you're talking about really, really intense topics like we're talking about today, you need to be open-minded. You need to come into an unbiased and you need to provide a space where it's like, "You're safe. Let's have a conversation and no judgment." And I think a lot of these celebrities feel, listen, they have so, they have, there is no denying. We're not saying they don't have privilege and they don't have so many resources we don't have. But it's trying to humanize. And I think in a cool way, my listeners have loved the new kind of version of Call Her Daddy. And then I guess this is the last part of also, I don't plan. There's one day that it's not like I need an episode like this one day and then this, it's every week I walk in and I'm like, "I think I know who I want to interview because it feels right." And I read all the DMs from the Daddy Gang and I still have all my social media accounts. No one runs the Call Her Daddy account or my account. And I just read all these DMs of someone struggling with a narcissistic parent and immediately I'm like, "Let's get Dr. Ramani on. Let's have her come on. Let's talk about how to survive a narcissistic relationship." Like it ebbs and flows. I would love to be like, "I have this perfect structure. I am eyeballing it because I also am a consumer." And I'm like, "What am I interested in because I'm so, I love being in tune with my audience that I'm able to be like, I know what they want because I want it too." It's an ebbing and flowing relationship with respect. There's always going to be haters. There's always going to be people that want me to fail. But I do think specifically this last year I've come really into my own of like, "I want to make amazing content for the people that want to listen and if you don't want to listen, you don't have to listen." But I always do say, "Give a chance because you will be surprised at the new Call Her Daddy. It's different." And I'm really proud of it because I put a lot of work into it. And you should be. I personally am a fan and I've loved the evolution of it. I've watched a ton of the interviews. I mean, for me, I couldn't agree with you more that whoever sits in front of me, whether they're a celebrity, whether they're not, whether they're a scientist, a doctor, a host, you know, whatever they may be, like, I just want to create exactly what you said. Like, we're so aligned on that. Like, create a safe space where people can feel they can be themselves and they're not being forced to be someone and they're not being forced to be the one version that we see. But I think what I really took away from what you're saying is that even though you're right, I know what you're saying that there's no weekly structure. It's not that you're trying to figure out, like, "Oh, we're going to do this and that." Actually when you hear you explain, when I just heard you explain how sex and mental health are so interconnected, that is very coherent and that's very cohesive. So even if there isn't a plan every week of who you're talking to, all that kind of stuff, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. No one would ever know that or think about that and this is what I think we think so shallow now, right? Like, everything's a shallow thought and when I say shallow, I don't mean the subject matter. I mean, how deeply we consider an idea. So Alex has changed what she talks about on her podcast slightly, right? She's still doing the sex podcast. She's still talking about those things, but she's also talking about mental health and therapy and whatever she wants to talk about. That's a shallow thought. "Oh, she's just spotify told her to do that. She can't talk about sex anymore because whatever, whatever it is, I don't know what it is, I'm making literally making stuff up." But then when you take that thought deeper, you go, "Okay, wait, when I actually listen to Alex explain it, she's like, 'I should be willing to talk about mental health and sex because they're so interconnected. I should be able to talk about mental health and anything in my life because it's so interconnected."
Taking the show to a different level (55:20)
And I feel that I just love that description. I'm just holding on to that. It's my biggest takeaway from what you said, because I think it's unhealthy, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, for us to think that any subject matter is separate from any other in the human experience. I agree. And I feel like especially with sex and having been a woman and trying to now, I'm not trying to get away from it. I'm just trying to prove there's other things about me, what a concept. And that respect has been something that I keep pushing up against, of like, it almost, I think at first, I'll be honest, made me want to go so far away from it because it's what everyone just wanted to pigeonhole me as. And I feel like especially with the season two that's going to come out of Call Her Daddy at the end of September into October, like, you're going to see a shift because I feel like when I was in my 20s, I kind of mentioned this earlier. You're everyone's self involved. We're just trying to understand, like, I remember getting out of college being so miserable. I hated my job. I hated my life. I was like, what am I doing with my life? You're just trying to quite literally survive. And where I'm at now in my life at 28, I just turned 28 and I feel I genuinely have a different interest for what is happening in the world. Like, I know this may not be the most relatable thing. But like, I have one of the biggest platforms specifically. Well, I know I just found out my show is the number one biggest listen to show for women on in the world for a podcast. All I think when I hear that, that's great. Let's frame it. My mom may frame it. Responsibility. That's what I take from that. How am I not going to start talking about deeper topics and things that are genuinely going to affect generations to come? Having such a big platform, I feel a sense of responsibility of what am I doing? Open my eyes. Start reading the news. Like, I just feel there's a different level that I'm taking the show to and it's not to become preachy and it's not to become political and it's not to become in your face. It's going to have that same genuine nature call it. It is always had. I am coming to them just having a conversation. I want both sides to participate. I want people to feel so comfortable. I'm not asking you anything. I'm just wanting people to listen and to maybe have a thought provoking conversation that could potentially change your mind or strengthen your view on something. I feel like in a world of such snap judgment because of social media, people are inclined to make decisions so quickly based off of a headline or a photo or whatever it is or gossip. I like how what I want to do with Call of Daddy is wouldn't you feel so much better if you could make your decision with a more 360 POV on something. That is what podcasting does. Long form sit downs. Get to know someone. Get to understand a topic, an issue, an argument and then make your judgment because that is amazing if you leave being like, "I have the same opinion." But now don't you feel better that you have a bit more of an educated opinion rather than a snap judgment or most times what people do when they listen to Call of Daddy is? Okay, I admit I was judging them. My mind changed. I just had someone on and all of the DMs were, "I don't know if I really thought I liked them anymore and now I'm obsessed again because I forgot what they went through in their life and I was completely unattached to the empathy level because all I see is social media posts." So, I hope people feel that and again, I'm not trying to be this like preachy. I don't know what I'm doing half the time, you know? But I just feel a sense of responsibility and I hope that my audience can feel like it's just a journey because what else are we doing here? I want everyone to have fun. We want to have laughs. We're going to continue to have that and especially being a woman right now, it's like if I don't speak up, I'm not doing my job and I won't be able to sleep at night knowing that I didn't do something that actually was just right in front of me that I could have done and I have such a platform. I'm sure everyone can know what I'm talking about. Yeah, vote. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, no. I mean personally hearing that, and you don't need to hear this for me and I'm only saying it because I genuinely mean it and for whatever it's worth, it's like, I love that. I personally appreciate that so much because I only went out to start building a platform in the desire to serve. I only started this journey hoping that we'd be able to help people. It never came from anything else. It started in that place and it's still in that place today. And when I hear someone who's like, "Hey, I was 22 and now I'm growing up and this is life." And I look at that and I go, "I love people who do that."
It’s okay if you don’t know things (01:00:23)
And a lot of people that I work with in my coaching practice, it's like that's where there are. They became famous through music or they became famous through movies or they became famous through whatever. And now they're having that same journey in their life where they go, "J, I have like hundreds of millions of people who listen to me and they care about what I have to say. I don't want to be the person who just has a great home business in life. I want to do more than that." And to me, I think when people who have the opportunity to say that, say that and then go follow it up, that's when the world starts becoming a better place. It does. And I think it is really, it's a hard concept, especially when you have a podcast. I don't see all these people. Of course, yeah. You know, when I'm told, "Oh, your podcast is also the biggest podcast for millennials and Gen Z." I'm like, "So that is an audience that has the opportunity to quite literally change the world. What am I doing?" And it doesn't need to be every episode. I just think there's a different level of awareness I have right now. And I don't have it figured out. I am not perfect by any means. I definitely present a certain way on social media for my business. But what I'm trying to do is just take my education public and just use this platform and not be better than anyone. Just genuinely be like, "I'm learning." I literally said to my team and I was like, "I will publicly say this." Like, a couple years ago, I remember when I got out of college, I had to call my dad and be like, "I don't know how to, like, how am I going to vote, dad? Like, what? I'm in Boston. I'm from Pennsylvania. Where am I registered? Like, I don't even know how to vote." And I am not ashamed to say that. I think people feel so overwhelmed with certain things in life of college does not prepare us for a lot, right? And there's a lot that we're like, "What are we doing?" And I think when you have people on platforms that are acting like, "You don't know what you're doing? It makes you feel ashamed. It makes you feel insecure." And then you just don't do anything. So I think Call Her Daddy also this season is really trying to just make it ingestible for everyone of like, "I'm with you guys." I am also still like a couple years ago, my dad was helping me on TurboTax, okay? I did not know what I was doing. But I'm learning and I hope that it's just, I hope that people appreciate me just trying to make a little bit of a change because there's a lot of power in podcasting and in these really intimate conversations. That's the best part about podcasting. It is such an intimate relationship that we have with our listeners and I don't take it for granted. So there you go. No, you spot on. Like I think we genuinely close off when we think we're surrounded by a community of people who know it all or, and I think that's when people start to lie. That's when people start to hide. Like, I think everyone, everyone, like millennials and Gen Z, everyone right now feels the pressure to know how to be an investor. Like, because investing is the cool thing. Right. And it's like, if you don't know how to buy an NFT, if you don't, you know, if you didn't know how to buy crypto when it was like booming and everyone was like talking big, it was like, if you did not do those things, it was like, "Who are you? You can't be cool." If you don't know how to vote, like, "Oh, well, then you don't care," or all of these things. And it's like, I don't think any of those things were ever explained to anyone. Anyone. And we're just listening to one random 30-second TikTok and being like, "Oh my God, I need to buy that. I need to do this." And I'm like, "I fully agree with what you're saying." Yeah. Social media has definitely made us all feel a little bit like we're behind. Like, what am I missing? Or I don't, "Oh, I'm not in on that," or "I'm feeling excluded," or "Maybe I'm not cool enough. I don't look a certain way. I don't know how to do something." And it's like, that's what I've tried to take a little step back from social media recently and really focus on like, I have the same three best friends since I was six years old. I have my family, I have my relationship, I have my amazing team now, of Call of Daddy, comprised of all women. They're amazing. I feel so... Everyone's always like, "What's the best thing that came from your Spotify deal?" And I was like, "That I can now hire a team of these amazing people." But I do feel like you have to also... Everything's with the grain of salt on social media. Try to also just be more present. Like, I found myself the other month on my phone, on TikTok, scrolling. And by myself, there's a beautiful sunset at my new house. And I'm scrolling on TikTok. And I for a minute had this moment of like, "Hold on." I'm watching a random girl in her bedroom doing whatever she's doing. And I don't know her. And I'm sitting on my couch, lovely woman, whoever she is, wasting my time watching someone that I don't know. And this is not changing my life. Go outside, Alex. Go watch the sunset. Go take my dog on a walk. Be present because it gives me anxiety. I realize when I don't feel good enough, I don't feel pretty enough, I don't feel like I'm fitting the body standard. And then I start to spiral. And it's like, "Why are we doing this to ourselves?" If we know that it's not helping us, let's... I'm just trying to be a little bit more in the moment with my thoughts of, "Okay, so step back. You can take it out of your hand and put it down." And I know it's quite literally doctors are comparing it to an addiction. So that's also something that's helped me with my mental health recently. It's like really putting boundaries on social media.
Dealing with hate comments (01:05:46)
What are some of the new habits of this new, Alex, and values of this new, Alex, that are really becoming integrated into your life? Like you just said, like learning about what's happening in the world, like being well-informed, educating yourself, taking that online, obviously therapy we've talked about, like, what are some of the, I guess, the smaller habits that you've developed? That's one of them and that's a beautiful one. I always joked, I'm like, "I'm a vowel. I never say this word again." I, in the beginning of "Call Her Daddy" and shortly, kind of in the pandemic, went down a spiral of like reading Reddit pages about myself and awful, awful things about myself. And I was crushed. Like I said earlier, being bullied, I am a full people pleaser. I want everyone to like me. If I see that one comment, I'm like, "And then it's going to affect my content the next week." And I'm going to have a Freudian slip and somehow talk about something that I saw in the comment, I'm trying to, oh my God. It was about like a year or so ago. Sat down, I think it was, it was with my therapist and I said, "I am never going to open this app again." And if I do, I'm hurting "Call Her Daddy." And I almost got, it helped me take it out of myself of like, because I was, it was affecting my content. And I stopped looking at these people that, I remember I always used to also be like, they're just hurting in their own life. And we can talk about why people are trolls on the internet for hours, but it's not my problem. I need to drown that out, whatever those people are going through, whatever they hate me. I know I'm a good person. I know what I'm trying to do. So I stopped reading that about a year ago and my life, I feel like a different human being. I am taking notes from people that truly care about me and I'm someone that my producer was like, "It's interesting. You love a note. I love a note. I love someone to tell me when I'm doing something wrong, what I'm doing wrong. I love a note." And so I, I don't surround myself with yes people. I'm very, I came to LA and I had to make a decision of, you know, who I wanted to hang out with, what I wanted to do. And like, I am sticking to the people that I have known my whole life. I am not open to meeting new friends. I have made new friends in LA, but I'm very specific about who I share my time with. And I think that is totally fair to say. And I think sometimes people like, "Oh, this is that," or, "Oh, you don't have as many friends." I am taking care of my mental health by making sure the people that I'm surrounded with aren't yes people because they're like, "Oh, we want to come and hang out in Alex's cool house with her cool job." Because people that are like, "Check yourself. What's up? Like, how are you doing?" And I can do the same to them. And so I have made efforts to make sure who I'm around. Not only, they, they don't even make me feel good. It's, it's that they're real with me. And they treat me, "If all this was gone tomorrow, I know those people are going to still be there." And I think with social media, I've kind of just, I've really gone through periods where my, I felt like my whole existence was immersed and defiant or defined by social media. And literally just through meditating, being alone with my thoughts, going through therapy of when you actually dissect, does something make you feel bad? Yes. So why are you doing it? It's so simple and it is so hard. But the more that I train my brain, it's really helped me. And I think when I go through really awful times on social media, if people are coming at me, if I get the mean comments, this is something that keeps me kind of grounded is, I always get through something. In the moment when you are going through something, it is awful and it can be heartwrenching. It can, you can feel it physically. You can feel alone. You can feel scared. Whatever feeling comes when something bad is happening in your life. But you get through it. And when you get through it, you look back and you're always like, oh, I wish I could have told myself, like stop stressing, stop overthinking, stop. So what I've had to do is in the moments of crisis when I'm freaking out, having a panic attack, anxiety, I'm like, okay, hold on. In two days, this will be over. Let's go on a walk. Let's take a breath. Let's call people I love. Let's talk to my mom. Let's call my therapist. Let's like take all of the stuff that's happening in my head and just calm, pause, connect with people that love me and get out of your kind of psychosis that's happening in your brain. You're going over and over. I always think about like, I always get through it. I've had so many moments where I'm freaking out. I always get through it. So look at the other side and it's, I don't know, it's easier said than done again, but like it helps me be like, I'm going to be there in a couple of days or hours. So like this, it's not as bad as it feels. Yeah. I don't know. It's not as big. Yeah, it does. It does. I think what you're describing is like everything is simply a pattern. It's just a pattern of thoughts and the current pattern of thoughts we all have are not serving us. They're not helping us. They're not improving our lives. And the hard part is knowing which thoughts to change and then how to change them. And so the tools you just gave us were really simple ways and practical ways that anyone can start changing their thoughts. And if I literally, if we just understood that, that simply by changing your thoughts, you can transform every human experience in the world, whether it's sitting in a cold plunge and you're just changing your thoughts, whether it's, you know, doing a hike in the morning, whether it's just getting to the gym, right? Like whatever it is, it's just changing your thoughts. And it's beautiful to hear you figure that out and work through that. Also journaling. I've had when I go through really hard times, I always journal during and after. And then when I'm going through a crisis again, I'll read the after and even the during and I'm like, I was spiraling. Look where I am now. I'm sitting on the beach. Like what I'm or I'm driving to work. Everything's okay. We get through. I have gone through people dying and it's like it is the worst. It is the worst, but you have to find a way to keep going. You have to find the positive, right? And and I have a lot of friends connected through trauma of things that happened in our childhood. Like we I had my two best girlfriends come and visit me and they were with me for a week. And we were just talking about life. How am I going to keep going? But then you remember the moment after that where you're laughing on the beach with your friend and you're like, imagine if I didn't keep going. I wouldn't have this beautiful moment with these people. And so it's like always trying to look to the other side. And if you can get there, you can take that breath and be like, thank God I hung in there.
When people assume you’re a bad friend (01:12:34)
What's a belief that you think you've had about yourself that you think led you down the wrong path? Is there a specific belief that you once had about yourself that you think kind of went the other way? Like you just said, sometimes you have to push through. Right. Sometimes we carry a belief about ourselves and we end up somewhere we don't want to be. I think because of things that have happened publicly and there's so many things that have happened publicly for me in my career, I would say it really hurts me when people assume I'm a bad friend. My entire life, that has been the one thing I have felt I'm proud of myself for truly. Like my friendships are so valuable to me and I take such pride in those relationships. And when you have public things and it happens to happen with the woman, it's like the person that comes out on top is the villain and then the person that didn't is the victim. And I'm not like going at anyone saying that they're calling themselves a victim. I'm just saying that's how the public perceives it. And so as a woman, it upsets me and I would find myself really struggling at times being like, I know I'm a great friend. Like I had a friend recently say to me because she's going through something and almost like through the tools of my show and therapy, she mentioned to me, she was like, I have never I think I've never felt you being a better friend than in this moment. Like I can't thank you for how much you're taking on for me. And I was like, I'm in a good place right now. Like it's all I can picture doing is helping a friend and being there for someone because you've been there for me when I've been at the absolute bottom. That's how friendship works, right? And I think friendships are so beautiful because you have to choose to keep it moving, keep it strong, a romantic relationship. It's there. You're together all the time. Friendship, that's hard. My friends live across the country. My three best friends do not live in Los Angeles, California. And it is a constant effort and they know me just as much as I know them and we have been through so much together. But I think that kind of aid at me. And I'm sure you've had it of like, there's nothing worse than when someone believes something about you that you're like, Oh, like I want to prove it's that's not true. And I have so many things that could prove that that's not true, but I've had to work on in therapy of like, I can't please everyone. Through do my friends know I'm a good friend. That's all that matters. The internet thinking I'm this or that like, if you like my show, you're going to listen, but you're not listening because I'm a good friend. So it's like, I need to prioritize knowing who I am, knowing how deeply I feel for these people that I consider family. That's all that matters. And I don't need to prove that, but I definitely went down moments of like, Oh my God, am I trying to talk about this in an episode and prove it's like, Alex, you if I tried to whack them all, everything people think about me, I'm not going to get done interviews. I'll be just doing solo episodes for the rest of my career. So that was something that was kind of hard. Yeah. And there'd still be something about your explanation that wouldn't be enough. And I found that. I mean, I was asked in a podcast a few years ago, someone asked me the question, what's something you used to value that you don't value anymore? And it was a really great question. And we have the video of it. I'm like sitting there thinking about it. And you can tell it's, you know, when you ask a question and you actually have to think rather than like, you've got a million things to say. And I said being understood. I was like, I just don't value being understood anymore because it's just it killed me that desire I had. And I get that people is like, for years, I just wanted people to know I was a good person and that I had pure intentions and I was trying to serve the world. And I was like, you know what, no one's going to give me the benefit of the doubt. No one cares. And at the end of the day, I have to lose that desire to be misunderstood. I'm sorry to be understood because most people are going to misunderstand me. And that's okay. That is like, that is so beautiful because I relate to that deeply. And I love that you're saying that because being understood is so overrated and exhausting because who you're mostly trying now in the age of social media to be understood by is people you don't even know. Yeah. And what about the people you do know? How much time are you putting are we, it was a measure for me. Am I putting more effort into the people I don't know than the people I do know? That's check your yourself because I've done that to myself. And I love that you said that because it when you get to that point, it is so freeing because you're like, I'm me. I don't need if I say something people take the wrong way. I don't need to know, I'd be like, Oh my God, I promise I'm a good person. No, you either know where you don't. And I'm not going to run around and chase people and try to convince people of my character. I go to sleep at night. I know I am a good daughter, a good partner and a good friend. And I know I am not perfect by any means, but I am trying every day through therapy, through just looking inward a lot and trying to be with my thoughts and being more present with the uncomfortable silent moments, trying to just be a better person. And I think it sounds corny even when I say it out loud, but like, what else are we here to do? You know what I mean? Like, do you, are you good with the people you love and who love you? That's kind of all that matters. And the rest is noise and we have huge platforms and it's so great. But if all of it ended tomorrow, I would be okay. Yeah. And I don't think I could have said that a couple years ago and I don't want it to end. I love you all. But it is a good feeling because that then I can really put all of me into the podcast because it's like, I'm going to be me and I'm going to do me until I don't want to do it anymore. And no one can tell me otherwise, you know what I mean? So it's kind of a freeing feeling. Yeah. And here's what we know. We know that the people that do listen to us every week, they do know us. Like I feel so seed heard and understood by my community that listens to me here. And whether they listen to the solos or these guest episodes, like I know they know me, they understand me. And I always say that if you see me on the streets, please come and say hello because we can have a great conversation. But at the same time as that, one thing I do know is that I read a study that said, you have to spend 200 hours with someone to consider to know them deeply. And I started thinking about who in the world have I spent 200 hours with. And I started to realize it wasn't that many people and that wasn't something that made me sad. It just made me value those people so much more. So my best friend who's my best man at my wedding, I've known him for 18 years and I still talk to him three or four times a week. I don't know where I find the time. I don't know where he finds the time, but every car journey, whatever I'm doing around LA, I'll call he's in London. So he had an eight hour time difference too. And he always picks up. We always find a way to connect and we still our friendships got better since I left England. And so all my best friends are in London because that's where I grew up. My family's in London, my wife's family's in London. So for us, I totally hear what you're saying that the statement you made that really resonated with me today on off of what I said was that being understood is overrated. And it's so true because I would say that I'm still trying to understand even the people I've spent 200 hours with. So how am I expecting someone who met me once for two minutes? Absolutely not. To understand 200 hour version of me. I would hope not. I hope I'm complex enough that you can't figure you out in a minute. No, I really love that. And I think it's, I think that I always say to anyone and especially in twenties, thirties when you're out of college, it is so, so depleting at times because you are stripped of that immediate comfort friends in, you know, proximity wise and you're immediately all of a sudden you're across the country and your friends across and you're like, I don't have friends. And it's a really isolating and lonely time, but I would start with do you have one person? Do you have one person that you can call? That's really all that matters. And of course we want friend groups. We want friendships. We want connections. We want to go to parties guys. Come on. But you, but you have to just start slow with yourselves. And I think a lot of times in your twenties, it's a, you almost get dismembered and you have to build yourself back up and we're really hard on ourselves with those friendships. It's so much easier said than done. But it is a great reward when you can maintain those because it's, they're beautiful. And like I said, you're not having sex with these people hopefully. So your friends are just there because they love you for your, hopefully, um, gets messy. Don't do it guys. But no, it's a really, it's a really powerful relationship. Yeah, we've talked about friendships and I want to talk about relationships a bit because it's, it's a big thing here on, on purpose. And I'm asking this because for me, and this is what we do, right? And this is why I'm, I'm very clear on this. And this is one of the best skill I learned from training to become a coach was to not project my intentions onto other people's actions. So what we often do is when we see someone who does the same thing as us, we assume they did it because of the same reason as us. So if you see someone lie to someone, if you're someone who would lie to someone because you don't want to upset someone's feelings, you're like, oh, they lied to them because they don't want to upset someone's feelings. But if you're someone who didn't do something because you were jealous of something, when someone doesn't do that same thing, you're like, oh, that's because they're jealous of them. So we project our intentions onto other people's actions. And so I'm, I'm projecting now. And so I'm, I'm being very honest and open about it. My wife and I've been together for 10 years long before I, my, my public life. And we got married six years ago and I started creating content online around the same time as we got married. And I've been together for four years. And I've been creating offline content for 10 years before I started doing online content. So I did events and I spoke and did seminars and workshops and coaching and all this stuff. Anyway, for the first three years of my content life, no one knew I was married. It wasn't that I didn't talk about it. It's that I used to make four minute videos on Facebook and YouTube. And those four minute videos were based on ideas, long form content hadn't really taken off. And I didn't really feel to post selfies with me and my wife because I was gaining traction from talking about philosophy and psychology and ideas that I cared about. And we just got married too. And it was all new to us. It was like all of a sudden like when I would post that I was at a restaurant, people would turn up and things like that. And so I was very protective of my mom, my sister, my wife and just everyone in my life. And then my first ever podcast episode was me interviewing my wife and us talking about how we met and our journey and everything else that came with that. And that was in 2019 when we talked about it. I am so grateful that I didn't do it before then because it gave my wife time to a climatize to the new life we'd created. It gave her a sense of stability and what we were doing and where we were going. And it helped me deal with what I needed to deal with in this journey. It wasn't something I would even say I was fully conscious of. I guess my question to you is do you think having a relationship that you're open about but that is private consciously improves the quality of relationship you can build?
Relationships And Privacy
Respecting the privacy of your partner (01:23:54)
I'm projecting that I think it's healthy but you don't have to buy into my projections. You know what? I'm going to buy in. Okay. I do. I definitely it's interesting because when I met my boyfriend, I had already podcasted about him before our first date and he I remember podcasting. I was in Los Angeles and we were going to a dinner and I'm podcasting about my wants and my needs and all the things that I'm expecting for this date to go. I had never met this man in my life. Classic Alex just going for it for the podcast got to give the Daddy game what they want. And I show up to the date and halfway through I'm like, oh, you're going to be on next week's episode. And he's a very private person. He was like, what? And I was like, it's going to be so good. And then I'm going to go back and record whatever happens at the end of the day. And he was like, so shocked. I will say, I think he thought it was quite charming. I love how men are always like, oh, I don't want to be on. They love being on. But with him, it was interesting because I went all the way in and I started talking about him from the beginning. And I have so much respect for him and he's in the entertainment industry, but he's private. And he he in a great way. This is how I knew he was the one he never said, don't talk about me. But he asked that we just have conversations about it and just keep talking about it. And I've had past relationships where it was like, F your show. I don't care. And he is such a respect for my craft that he recognizes that is kind of what you do for living. And your life is your living. But I did start to pull back. And I know it's not fun to hear, but my relationship couldn't be better because of it. All of a sudden he didn't have to wake up in the morning and press play and listen to what I said. And he told us to just be present of, hey, do we like each other? I've said to people and I'm not judging people that post on social media with their partner. I always just like to check myself and then I just tell people what I'm doing and if you want to do it too. But it's like, there's some relationships I worry. Are you just together still because the public loves you? And that is not healthy. And I think that with social media, people can become addicted to the concept of this perfect relationship and what it looks like. What is it like behind closed doors? I am so fortunate that I don't have that with my partner. I'm with him because I love him and I love our relationship and none of it is contingent upon either of our jobs. So that's been very healthy. Was it hard? Yeah, of course. There's great content in there. And occasionally I will share. But I told my listeners one rule that I implemented with my partner was if we have an argument or a fight or a disagreement or whatever, and it's an open wound at the time for the relationship, I made the mistake once of going and talking about it on the podcast too soon that we hadn't even healed. And my partner is so mature that he was like, I love you so much, but I think we need boundaries because hearing that is not fun and it almost made it worse for me because we haven't resolved it. And so now I have this like, I have a boundary where it's like a couple months later, I can totally talk about it because he was like, some of our arguments are great for couples to think about and talk about. They're very relatable. But I think in the moment, it's always good to just put my relationship first and it doesn't mean I'm not putting the show first. It's just having a good set boundary that I didn't have before. And I'm really, really happy I've done it. Yeah, I've lived hearing today about how many different boundaries you put into different areas of your life. I'm putting boundaries on you. Yeah, like winning a boundary setting. Like, nobody's so important because I think the problem is that we think of life as either or and life is more boundaries and layers and levels. And it's like, we think, I'm either close to this person or I'm not. And I'm like, no, you're closer to this person than this person. It's not that you're close or not. And I think when you start looking at life as degrees and you see a little ripple and different degrees versus like yes or no. Absolutely. I think the concept of again, this is all for public consumption. Posting your partner for people in my case that don't, I don't know, right? And even a lot of people, even if you have a thousand followers on Instagram, do you have a thousand friends? Absolutely not, Becky. Okay, you do not have a thousand friends. So I always am also just like, what is the motive behind posting your partner? Is it to get validation that you're not getting in the relationship? Is it to seek approval? Is it to show off something that you're proud of? But well, if you were super confident, like, would you need that exterior validation, right? And again, I'm not saying not to post your partner. It's really just, I think with social media, we've been so quick to just throw stuff off about our life. And it's like, well, why are you doing that? Who was that for? Why do you feel the need to show people that you don't even know how your relationship is going and write these long captions about it? I totally get trying to connect with people. But there is a level that I started to find of like, I think I'm just doing this because this is like, is helping content. It's not good for my relationship. I need to pull back. Yeah. And I love that who it's for question because I do that exercise with myself when I post stuff. Like, I post certain things and I know no one cares, but I really care about it. Like it's like, it's a big deal for me or whatever. And then I'll post and I'll always tell you more like, do not look at the likes, do not look at the comments. I know it's going to do terribly, but it's really important to me. And I want it to be out there because to me, that's really, really powerful. And obviously we only put out things that we think are powerful, of course, but there are certain things that I know no one cares about about for me. And at the same time, I think for me, what I was getting at was that three years of being married for me and my wife gave us a sense of getting to know each other in that way without having to deal with any opinions. Like right now, all we ever get when we post anything is just you guys look like brother and sister. No. It's like that's not what I would have wanted to hear when we just got married. So I'm very happy that we didn't because that's all we ever get. And so I'm like, oh, this is, this is great. Like, so. It's the thing you're never going to, it's, there's always going to be the negatives. And so that's what also I'm, I'm really protective of it because I'm like, I'm so happy. He's so happy. Our families love each other. We're doing good. We are by no means a perfect couple, but I have no interest right now in opening that up for public consumption to just have an opinion. I don't need it. I want to know, am I in this because I like him? That's it.
What are you looking for in a partner? (01:30:55)
Yeah. Great. Stick with it. Last question on relationships. I think a lot of people ask like, you know, what do you look for in someone? I think for me, it's the opposite way around like, what do you think you want someone to bring out in you that you see as a healthy relationship? Like, what are you happy being when you're in a good place? I'm a lot. I'm self aware enough to know. I'm a lot. And really when I say I'm a lot, I think my job is a lot, right? And I am so passionate. Like I've said, I've been doing this since I was so young. I would be making these videos. No one was seeing them. I was acting like they were going to be up for an Academy Award. No one was, my parents were barely watching them. Do you still have them? They're awful. Yes. We need them. It's shocking. They're like, we're going to play it one day at your wedding. I'm like, so I'm not getting married then. But the point is, is I have always felt like what I'm doing and my passion is so a part of me. And I need a partner that is going to support me, especially in a heterosexual relationship. Can a man be okay with? I'm okay if I'm the breadwinner. It's not the case of my relationship. We're pretty equal. But it's like, I need to be able to be myself. And I need my partner to not be intimidated by my success, not try to hold me down. Let me be me and you be you. And if we come together and we make each other better, amazing. But I've had relationships with men where they were extremely intimidated by my success. And it was constantly trying to push me down language that was semi abusive of trying to make me feel less than. And it was really toxic. And it affected me. And now being in a healthy relationship with someone that is like, you are incredible. I support you is like my number one cheerleader. That to me is the hottest thing that someone can do. And I'm so attracted to my partner because of that. I also think someone that is so honest. My partner is so honest with me. Sometimes I'm like, oh my God, it's like I'm not used to the honesty. And I really respect that because I am a noble person. I'm like, what's up? What's going on? And to meet my match kind of with that, we do no dance arounds. Like, it is just like, what is up? And I know some people don't like that. You need a little like cushion. I am like, hit me where it hurts. Let's get this over with. So I think those two things, the honesty and also just allowing me to be who I am. And I know it sounds pretty straightforward, but a lot of people try to change each other. You're laughing. What did I say? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I really, no, no, no. Yeah, I'm laughing because you literally, there's something you said that just like, just totally reminded me of something this weekend. So anyway, but carry out. No, no, yeah. I'll tell you in a second. The point is is you, I've learned in relationships, like you talked about projection. There's so much projection. If you don't work on yourself and whatever your form of therapy for yourself is, if you don't know who you are, you're going to go into a relationship and quite literally look for the things you want out of that person. And you're going to put unrealistic expectations onto this person. And you don't even know if you actually like them because you're just trying to get what you want. It's like, we, you don't even like the homie. Like get out of here. And so I think stripping it down to do you like them as who they are as a human being and not honestly also for how they make you feel all the time. Do you like them as an individual and do you to match up? Of course you want them to make you feel good. But I think sometimes we project our wants and our needs and everything onto a person. It's like, hold on. Work on your own. And then come back and see if you like the person because a lot of times the person you're with is just fulfilling something that's an insecurity of yours. If you fill that insecurity, would you still need to be with that person? Absolutely. Absolutely. What's that? Therapy session that I want. Okay. No, I love it. I love it. You remind. So I was doing something important last week and my wife is. Oh, doing something important as in being at a wedding. Yes. I was going to open this entire episode with. So how was the wedding? I'm going to start interviewing you. I will tell you that separately. I'll tell you about it offline. I will tell you about it offline. But I was preparing for something last week and my wife is that person to me. So I know that and I have an amazing team is very honest for me for sure. Like I definitely like literally where look we're looking to headshots for like my book coming out next year. And so the team is like, look and we were like, no, no, no, I'm doing it with my team. Yep. And it's always the most painful thing of like looking at your own face and all. Yeah. And anyway, but my wife like takes it to another level. So she's like, all right, do your speech in front of me. So I'm like, all right, I'm going to do it. And I set myself up for it every time because I know she's going to give me really good feedback, but my male ego can't take it. And I'll do it. And then you'll be like, oh, yeah, but this part didn't make sense. I'm like, no, but this is why I did it that way. She's like, but I'm telling you as a viewer and you're not going to be able to explain to everyone why you said that. And I'm getting, and I guess we were defensive. And then she's like, but say it like this. And I'm like, no, but the way you just said it didn't sound good. And it's like I get so defensive, but she's, and then I took all of the back. I did it exactly that way. That is, no, that is iconic. Also my boyfriend did that. He had a speech. He had to do it his brother's wedding and we were upstairs in the room and he's practicing his pacing is freaking out. And I'm like, it's coming off weird when you say it like that. It's not hitting. You're trying to be funny. You're not funny. Okay. And he's like, oh, okay. And I was trying to give constructive feedback and he was freaking out and he's like losing his mind and I'm like, sit down. Let me rewrite it for you. I'm the comedian in the relationship. Let's move forward. And it was funny though, because he was really freaking out. But then at the end of the day, he's like, okay, I trust you. Yeah, exactly. You got to do a little push and pull and then you're like, okay, shit, I trust you. Yeah. I thought I'd just hide from her in the practice because I know I want to do it anyway. And so then I don't show her that bit. And she was like, oh, that bit was really good. I'm like, see, if I showed it to you, you would have thought it was good. But the constructive criticism was good. And then you added your little slayer and it all went well. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly. Good. Alex, we end every on purpose episode with two now two. You're the first person to ever do this. So we have our fast five, but we also have our new segment, which very aptly is called the many sides of you. One word. We're still figuring out the name. We're getting there. We're getting there. But we're going to do this. So what this is is you're going to give a word for every one of these things, just one word. Oh, God. And it's all about you. Oh, God. So are you ready? I don't know if I like that. Okay. All right. What is a word or phrase to describe what someone would say about you when they meet you for the first time? I would say warm and trustworthy, which is really weird. Oh, I forgot you said warm in the beginning. That's fun. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. I've had a lot of people that just I think again on social media, you think one thing of me and then you meet me and you're like, Oh, wait, like she's I had a waitress I met this past week and she DM me after and was like, I didn't think you'd be that nice. I'm like, guys, I'm not a scary person. But I do think I have a warmth that makes people feel really comfortable. Yeah, I agree. Okay. What is a word someone that knows you very well would use to describe you or a phrase Oh, determined. Sometimes scary. I think my boyfriend and my parents are like, Oh, God, here she goes. Like I'm like, I'm going to finish this and it's going to be the best and they're like, Okay, just get out of her way. Here she goes. Like very determined. I love that. What is a word or phrase you would use to describe yourself? Feel and passionate. Those two things like resonate so much with me in two completely different ways, but a part of who I am truly is my craft. And I'm so passionate about it. Even if I made no money on it tomorrow, I would go back. I would still be making content. And I'm also passionate about anything I'm doing in my life. I have to be passionate about my family, my relationships, my friends and loyalty to me is number one. I respect anyone that's loyal. To me, it's like the number one thing on the list of something in a relationship that I look for and I take pride in being loyal. I love that. That's beautiful. I love those qualities. Easier than asking you what your values are. I like it. What is a word that maybe someone who doesn't like you would say about you? How would they describe you? Um, cocky. Mm hmm. Damn right. Damn right. You gotta be. You gotta be. And the last one, what is a word or phrase you're trying to embody? Something that you're working on right now. Intentional. Mm hmm. I really am trying to, in every aspect of my life, always ask what is the objective? Try to be more intentional about things because I think when you do things with care, everything is better. People feel better about it. You feel better. And also it just, there's a different radiating effect when you're intentional about things. So whether it's in my relationships or my craft, like I'm very trying to be intentional, especially this year. I love that. That's a great word. This is a good game. It's a good game. Yeah. All right. These are the final five. But before we do that, I want to ask you Alex, was there anything that you shared that you, or sorry, anything you haven't shared today that you really wanted to share or something you wanted to talk about? And I, I mean, I'm asking this online offline. Yeah. Just to honor you in terms of if there's something that we've missed or do you want to dive more into like, and I'm happy to, because I could talk to you for hours, I have no time limit. I'm happy to dive into you with like talking more about the entrepreneurship side and the cross side and the business side. I mean, I think in a really cool way. I didn't, I didn't know where this was going to go today. And I'm really happy. I, I hope that who I am behind the camera kind of came out today. And I guess I would just say to anyone listening, and this is not like a plug for my show. It's more like, I really, I think this year I've tried to start, especially when I'm sitting down with people to give people the benefit of the Dow and a chance to hear, even if I have misconceptions about someone. And so I just hope anyone listening, if you maybe had a judgment about call her daddy back in the past or of me, I ask just to be open minded and kind of just give it another chance because one, I think everyone deserves that. And two, I really am proud of what I'm doing and I'm proud of the show and the direction it's taken, not to say that I'm not proud of the past, but I think people would be surprised at where it's gone and how much it's grown. And you're doing it. And honestly, from, like I keep saying, you don't need it from me, but whatever it's worth, it's like, I just love watching people grow and try new things and take risks and like do something that's fresh and new and then everything you said about impact and responsibility. And even the interviews you have done, like for me, it's, it's beautiful to watch that. And so, you know, congrats, not on this external success, of course, on that, but more on like doing the hard thing, right? Like, that's what's more interesting to me. And I think as a creator and as a host, it's like doing the hard thing. It's like to keep feeding whatever everything when everyone wants is easy, but to actually switch and say, I've changed, I've grown, I've evolved, and this is where I'm going now. And that's where so many people at 50, 60, 70 years old feel so empty because for the last 25 years, they just did what other people wanted them to do. Totally. And it's like, you got to go for it. I just don't want to be in that position. No. Anyone listening, if you've wanted to do something, you got to go for it because we have literally no idea how much time we have here. And that's what I'm doing with this, especially the season. I'm like, oh, I'm going for it. I believe in something. I'm going to go for it and I will, I'll handle whatever comes with that. Yeah.
Alex On Fast Five
Alex on Fast Five (01:42:25)
I love that. All right, Alex, I've got five questions left for you. Okay. These are the FOSF5. Okay. What is, okay, Alex Cooper, these are your FOSF5. Question number one, what is the best advice you've ever received? Oh, this is so generic, but it's so true. It's from my mother. Be yourself in a world of people trying to tell you what to be, what to do. Be yourself. Know yourself. And the journey of knowing yourself is going to be just as long. If you're going to know yourself or you're going to go with what people want you to be, be yourself. It's so much for more rewarding at the end of the day. I love it. All right. Second question. What is the worst advice you've ever received? Be quiet. Where would that have gotten me, guys? I mean, a microphone myself. Here we go. Don't be quiet. Speak your mind. Go for what you want and bulldoze your doors. Question number three, what position did you play in soccer? Center midfield. Okay. All right. That's cool. I was center attacking midfield. That's great. Also, sometimes I would go on the flanks. Yeah. Basically my role for anyone who doesn't know soccer, my position would let Alex's role do all the running. Yeah. That's a lot. Yeah. I love to run. Yeah. I don't know if you've been. I recently invested in Angel City FC. And so I would love to take you to a game. Oh my God. Really so fun because I grew up obviously wanting to play soccer professionally and I was never good enough. But my sister loved soccer too and she played. And I was just like, if I ever have a daughter or I was like, I want her to have the opportunity. So that's why I've invested. It's such a good sport. Oh my God. And they're so good. So they're fun to watch. So fun. I just think. Question number four, how would you describe your current purpose? My current purpose is to use my platform to hopefully empower and unite women also under represented communities and try to elicit change. There's a lot we got to do right now and specifically with women's rights. And so I would say my purpose is trying to use my platform to excite people for change, not scare them. This is an exciting time. It is a great time to have a vagina. We have to look at it that way or we're only going to regress and keep getting pushed backwards by men. So it's like, let's use our vaginas. Let's vote with our vaginas this year. Okay. I don't think anyone's probably said vagina as many times on your podcast. Definitely. It's too. You inspire and bring people with me on this journey of educating myself and taking my education public. Love that. And I'm with you. Whatever help I can give. Fifth and final question. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Abortions are legal. Well said. That's a real law. Thank you. That's a real law. Now let's put it back where it was. Yeah. Amazing. I love that. Alex Cooper, everyone. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. That was without a doubt, I think the most fun I've ever had. That was so much fun. That was unbelievable. I am honored to have been here. Thank you for giving me the time and the space and your platform. This is amazing. No, I am so grateful, honestly. That was smart, funny, intellectual, thoughtful, deep. I mean, it was every emotion I want to feel on any given day. You addressed an absolute, I don't know what the right word is. You're a maverick. It's amazing, I love witnessing high-performing people in this way. And watching you, I'm like this person is such a pro. Just unbelievable. Just phenomenal. It's so beautiful to watch. It's amazing. So thank you. If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here. I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book Think Like A Monk from ThinkLikeAmonkBook.com. below in the description to make sure you order today.