KENDALL JENNER Opens Up About Anxiety, Insecurity, & How To Be Truly Happy! | Jay Shetty | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "KENDALL JENNER Opens Up About Anxiety, Insecurity, & How To Be Truly Happy! | Jay Shetty".
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If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you're at mercy of things that you can't control. - The best-selling author and host. - The number one health and wellness podcast. - On purpose with Jay Shetty. - Yeah, I'm not even just saying this. I literally think I manifested this. Like it's the, after I saw you at Simeon Haze's house, so that was a couple months ago, and then a few weeks ago, my, I was talking to my social media girl randomly, we were just talking about a bunch of stuff, and just kind of what I would love to represent, just talking about a new chapter for me and whatever. And I was, she was like, who would you really wanna like talk to, or whatever, and I was like, it'd be so cool to talk to Jay.
Personal Insights, Growth And Coping Mechanisms
I think I manifested this interview…” (00:26)
And she was like, that would be really cool. And then we kind of just, that was kind of the thought and whatever, and then you hit me and I was like, no frickin' way, he's hitting me right now. So I was like, absolutely, this is like perfect. It's the universe, just putting it in perfect timing. - That makes me so happy because it was exactly the opposite way. So I've, for a long time, had people that I'd love to sit down with. And every time I saw you do something with mental health and Vogue, or any of the segments that you ever did, I was just like, she's amazing. Like, you know, it's incredible, the way you were talking about it, and when you'd post about it, I'd be like, oh, this is incredible. Like, to see you speaking so openly about it, and vulnerable about it. And so I've always wanted to do this. And then, but we've never really crossed paths. And so I'm always just a bit like, and I don't like asking friends or friends when I even met someone. - Right. - So I was like, that day I had to like, pluck up the car, and I'm just gonna ask myself, 'cause it's easier when I ask. - Perfect. - And I know Christie, so. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But I was like, it's nicer when there's, I told my team too, I was like, it's so much nicer when there's like a personal connection. - For sure. - And someone really feels comfortable. - For sure. - Rather than it's like a PR playing it. - No, it was so perfect. Like, when I think back to it, I'm like, that was me just trusting the universe, and not pushing for anything, and I knew it was gonna kind of happen when it was supposed to, and it literally did. - And it did, yeah. - So you felt it too. - Yeah, I did. - We got it, we got it. - Yeah, and I hope that this is the start of spending more time together. - Me too, me too. - Yeah, I would love that. - I would love that, 'cause like, I think also, I don't know, like I admire people like you. I admire like, you know, the Michael Pollens and Michael Singers and Wim Hofs of the world, and I feel like you fit in that category for me of just people that are, 'cause you know, I know a little bit about your story. I'd like to actually know more, which would be really cool to actually, I know we're obviously not here next to, for that exactly, but for me, just personally, like I'd love to know more of your story. I know that you've had quite the experiences, and I think that's so cool. I'm like so intrigued by people with just that amount of curiosity and like, determination, determination and patience. Like that takes so much patience to be like you or like any of those people that I just listed, it's so cool to me, and I just, I wish, I wish for myself, but I'm working on it. - No, you're that curious too. - I am, it's just, you know, that level of, like I said, patience and determination is like, it's a gift, like that is like a really, really amazing gift, and like I said, like I'm just working on it all the time, and that's my goal in life, I guess. - Well, I think I feel the same way about you again, that, and by the way, I love all those people you just mentioned too, so feel very honored to be put into that group of people, and we've had Wim on the podcast before too, so he's been a guest, but with you, I feel the same way back when it's like, when you see someone who is so curious, who could get away with not worrying about these things if you don't want to, but then still being courageous enough to talk about these things, and then using your platform as a space to open up these dialogues, like that is as if not more important as well, as doing the work and doing the path. - Yeah, I mean, I can see you doing the work, it's fun watching you do the work and figuring it out. - I love working on myself, like it is actually like a passion of mine, and like, I just, I find so much comfort and joy in like actually finding where I think I could better myself, and being like, even if it's physical, like physical as in like my physical health, or working out, or I just started doing, speaking of Wim Hof, I just started doing like cold plunges and ice baths, and like, even if I don't have the time to go outside, I just got a cold plunger, I did it right before I got here. The best thing ever, it's also, again, it takes so much mental, the whole thing of it is all mental, so I don't know, just stuff like that I really love, so I'm always, I'm always trying to just be the best version of me, and so I just love that. It like actually makes me feel really good, I love self-care, and I just love stuff like that, so it's been really cool, but it's cool for you to say that you enjoy seeing that from me, because there's always been kind of this weird part of it for me where I'm like, is this a pity party? 'Cause I don't want it to be, like I want this to feel very positive, I wanna connect with people, and I guess that is my goal there, is to be like, there actually is this side of me that you may not know of, but the goal here is to connect, and also not feel like I'm throwing some pity party for myself, because I want this to be a learning experience for everyone, I want this to be really positive, and really, really well received, I want you to look at it and actually have a positive feeling towards it, so I don't know, you'll find like if I, you know, when I do kind of post about something, or when I wanna talk about something, I'm usually sharing a tip, or like sharing kind of like a little technique, even if it's something so simple, I was like walking outside, taking a few deep breaths and journaling, like it's just that kind of stuff that I really like to share, 'cause I feel like I wanna be helpful more than anything. - Yeah, absolutely, and that's how I see it, like I see it not completely, not as a pity party at all, but so much more as just, hey, here's a reminder, I see something that I did, and I feel like, that positivity shines through too in the way you do it, so at least if that helps, whatever that's worth, from the outside, it definitely comes across that way. - Cool, wow. - And this is easily been the warmest introduction to a lot of the conversation I've ever experienced in my entire life, I've been doing this. - I was gonna say, I was actually really nervous coming in here, 'cause this means so much to me, like, and I'm serious, 'cause you know, I've done a lot of interviews in my life, and when thinking about this one, or thinking about that, I even wanted to do something like this, it just, it means a lot to me, and so it made me a little nervous, and I was like, I just wanna get this right, this isn't like me going out and promoting something or talking about something, this is, you know, something very real that we all experience, which is just, you know, ourselves and our wellbeing, and just everything, so. - Yeah, and this is a, you know, for me genuinely, and I really do mean this, like, the podcast has been a great excuse, or really, from my side, an intention to get to know people, and I really admire. And so for me, it's been a great way of building new friendships and relationships, because if you can sit and talk to someone and really get along with each other, you're like, oh, we should do this more often, so. - Yeah, well, I'm honored. - Yeah, so for me, it's definitely been that, and to me, you know, you saying that, and you know, taking it as intentionally as you are, it's, you know, for me, it's as important. I always shared this before we start recording usually, but we just flowed. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, it's very rare that I get to sit down with someone that I have admired for a very long time, from afar, someone that I believe has inspired me through the sharing of their story, someone who speaks so vulnerably and openly about the things that I most care about, mental health, purpose, the journey of life and discovery and curiosity. And what I wanna share about this person is, when I bumped into them at a mutual friend's birthday party, and I just wanna give a big shout out to Simeon Hayes, because this wouldn't happen. Without them, I love you, Simeon Hayes, you've been amazing guests on the podcast before as well. I wanna bumped into this individual and had this opportunity to reach out to them. And as soon as I reached out, this has been the most flowing conversation and connection that I possibly had on the podcast, to be honest. So I just wanna put that out. I'm speaking about the one and only, someone who needs no introduction, but successful business founder, international supermodel, founder of the incredibly successful Tequila brand 818, and star on the Hulu's The Kardashians, which premieres in second season on September 22nd, the one and only Kendall Jenner. Kendall, thank you so much for doing this. Thanks for having me. That was a wonderful introduction. Oh, well, it's honest me and such an honor getting to know someone who, it's very rare that I find someone who functions with very similar values in a personal connection sense. So when I reached out to you, I really meant everything I said, and I could have written you an essay, but I was like, let's spare the details. And then to get your response and then for us to be here within a couple of weeks of connecting. Yeah. And even your message this morning, I just want people to know, I was like, the text you said me this morning, I was like, this never happens. Like, I was like, this is amazing. And I was literally gonna do the same thing. And so to me, I was like, this is very rare. And so I loved the synergy and the flow that we're experiencing. Me too. I'm excited to get into it now. Me too. It's funny 'cause I called Hayes before the other day, and I was just like, oh my God, I'm going on your friend's show and whatever. And she was like, he's the best. It's good, you're just gonna flow right into it. He's so easy to talk to, and that's literally what happened. And like I told you, I just feel like I manifested this moment for both of us and for this, just this whole experience. And so I am really happy to be here. And I'm honestly honored. Like I said, I admire you. And there's so many people like you that I admire. So I think sitting down here with you is just so cool for me. And I get to talk about fun things with you. Amazing, amazing. First to many. And I wanted to start with, because I always like to start with just things that I've seen more recently. A couple of days ago, I think you posted a beautiful picture of you hugging your horse. And you were like snuggle time or something like that. And I was just like, when did horses become a part of your life and how did you get so close to them? I think I've spent many lifetimes with horses.
I grew up in a horse community.” (09:53)
I think this is one of many lifetimes that I've had. I grew up in a horse community. So where we grew up, horses everywhere. More trails than there were homes, really. And so I was always around horses. And I just was deeply in love with them. And I have no explanation. And that's why I say I feel like in past lives I have just been around horses. Yeah, so since I was a really young kid, loved them, and continue to love them my whole life. They're just the best. They're the most majestic and gorgeous and spiritual. They feel everything. I just like, it's such an honor to be in their presence and to be able to do what I can do with my horse. I find so magical that I can stand in her stall with her and just like vibe out with her. I like sometimes come to like a little get a little teary-eyed when I'm standing in my stall with her. Because I'm like, this is so cool that you allow me to do this and we have this connection without any words. It's just the best thing ever. So I love them. Yeah, that's so special. I have a different teary-eyed story with horses. But I'll tell you the short version. So when I proposed to my wife, like, "Can't wait to introduce you to you," when I proposed to her, which is eight years ago or something like that, when I proposed to her, I organized a very, what I would consider like a very Hollywood proposal. It was too over the top and I would do it totally different today with all everything I've learned. It happens. Yeah, it happens. It happens. And so we were walking by the Thames in London, which is where we're both born and raised. And this acapella group jumps out and they're singing Bruno Mars. And then like they give her a bouquet of flowers and then I get on one knee. I propose we have dinner by the river and then we walk around the corner and there's a horse driven carriage to take us around to take us around London. And so we're on this carriage. We have this beautiful, you know, path through London. And then we get into the train to get back home to her parents to tell them. And they already knew she's got hives all over her face. No way. She was allergic. She's allergic to horses. And I found out that they're a promotion. I was like, all right, so then she was like, "She had tears and when we got back, her parents were like, "What did you do to her?" At least you got to enjoy the moment. What did you do to her? I love horses. But no, I love horses. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. No, I love horses the same way you do. Like I just go to India a lot when I was a kid. Yeah. And that's where I first learned to be with horses. And his... I mean, they're so therapeutic. Absolutely, yeah. There's a reason there's equine therapy. It's the best. Exactly. Yeah, they make me, they make me, when I'm with her, I have a few, but I'm mostly with one of my horses right now. What's her name? Her name's Delandra. I didn't name her. She came with her name. But I call her Dylan or Dil. I love her so much. But when I'm with her, I genuinely, I speak of like, or I spoke about how I've just loved horses my whole life. I feel like a kid around her. Like I feel like my 12 year old self that would get up every morning throughout the entire summer at 8 a.m. To go just be at my trainer's facility and I would stay there from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. I'd ride all her horses. I'd groom all her horses. I would just sit in the stalls with all the horses. Like it's just anytime I'm with her, I just have that sense of like being a child again and it's a really, really good feeling. Animals have that special ability, don't they? They're so awesome. They're like, whichever animal you're attracted to. And I never thought I would, but when I lived as a monk, the animal that's revered in India is cows. And you would never think of cows being like majestic or in that way, especially when you're in India, but the cows in India have these like lotus-like eyes. Like the eyes are just like absolutely stunning. Yeah. And they're so special and they're such gentle animal. Yeah. And recently, Radi and I went trekking with gorillas in Rwanda and gorillas are the, we have to go. That sounds unreal. It was unbelievable. Wow. And they're the animal that's revered in Rwanda. So whenever they have a new gorilla that's born, they have a naming ceremony with the community. I love that. It's so beautiful. But, and then I heard somewhere that your first job was you were a dog walker. Yeah. And so I was thinking like, do you have any lessons or anything you learned by being a dog walker? I think first jobs are so interesting. Yeah. No, I mean, I was always a super disciplined child. Like meaning to my, like I just loved, I would put myself to bed at 7 p.m. Be like, my mom would be like playing with me and my little sister and be like, mom, it's 7. I gotta go to sleep. Like it's time for my bedtime. She'd be like, are you okay? And so I was always that kid. And so I think I just was always really eager to like work. I don't know why. I just like wanted to always have something to do, something that I felt passionate about, that I really enjoyed. And so yeah, when I was young, I put some flyers around our community and said I would walk dogs and I ended up getting people that would let me have their dog for a few hours and take it for a walk. So I loved animals and I liked having something to do. So I spent, I was a kid that liked to be by myself with animals. So like I think that that was a cool, very fitting thing for me. 'Cause I got to be by myself walking, but then also experience all these little dogs with me. Yeah, I wish I had the dyes to deliver newspapers. So that was my first job. And it's not as glamorous in London because it's raining. Was that what you were desiring or was it just like? No, I was 14 years old and wanted to make some money. Yeah, we were just like, I need to make some money. And so I was like, I'm gonna start doing this. And you don't get to, you know, you'd see it in the movies where the paper boy just like chucks the paper at the door, but I'd actually go and put it inside. So my only interaction with dogs is they were on the inside grabbing the paper. Oh, right, right. And so yeah. I'm like barking at you. I'm like barking and stuff. But I always love knowing about people's first jobs and how things started for them because of obviously where you are today. But what do you think it was in those early years where you just said you were very disciplined? Like it sounds like you were aware of certain habits that you built then. What were some of the things that you feel confident about or how did you look for validation in those early years and where did it come from for you?
Craving the simple things (15:42)
I mean, it's interesting. So Kylie, my little sister, she was always the social butterfly. I was always, I just liked being to myself. I don't know if that's the Scorpio in me. So it just came naturally or whatever. I had a group of friends who I loved, but I just, I like, convivently remember just on the weekends not running to go be with my friends all the time. During the summer, I was with them, but on the weekends in between school, I would, I was really just by myself. I would love to like hang out in my room. I like was kind of a nerd. I loved video games and like sitting on the computer playing Sims all day. Like I just kind of liked being to myself and then all day long during the summer was with my horses. And yeah, I don't know. I just, it just brought me joy. I don't think I have like, and you know, a super long explanation for that. It was so simple for me as a kid. Like it was just as simple as that made me happy and that's just what I wanted. And it explains, I guess a lot of me now. I went through like a phase where I felt like I had to be around people. I think I live a very social life and my job is very social. So I was kind of conditioned to want to be around people a lot. And then as you know, the pandemic came around, you're not around as many people anymore. And now I'm just re-enjoying being by myself, which is really cool. - Yeah. - And I had the most, I had the best day on Sunday. All by myself, I got up, I went and rode my horses. I like took my niece to ride her pony. Just me and her, it was so nice. Brought her back home, went to my house, got in my cold plunge, went in my pool, laid out, journaled, like I was having the best day and I was just pretty much all by myself. So I enjoy it so much. - I love that. I'm sure that's so refreshing for people to hear too, because I feel like people may, from the outside perceive a life, which obviously like you said, for work, it's busy and it's so cool. And of course you have wonderful friends, but to know that you can feel comfortable in your own company, and that's been a habit that you've developed. - I crave simple things. Like I love my life and I love my job. And I feel so fortunate that I have been placed here that for some reason I was given this life. Like I feel immensely grateful for that and I have had so much fun. And I like think back on just the experiences that I've had this far. And it's like, it's like shocking to me. I'm like, this is so freaking cool that I live this life. But at the end of the day, like when I am home and when I'm alone, like I crave the simple things. I love a simple day. I love just like a simple routine and being to myself and being around the people that I love, my small core crew. So. - Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, I mean, I think that's what we're all striving for is that passion and our careers and our work and then the simplicity at home. What would you say, I was thinking about this and I've watched so many of your interviews and read so much too, but what would you say for you as being one of your like proudest moments or greatest achievements or something that you really feel like, and internally, I mean, for the basis of our conversation, like something that really brings you joy internally when you think about it or when you had it. - Like I said, I look back and the things that I've accomplished, just even my job, like I think I really at one point, when I was younger, decided I wanna be a model and this is what I wanna do.
Setting boundaries for yourself (18:51)
And the fact that I executed, 'cause we talk about that determination, like I really was, I was 14 years old when I kind of made that decision and was like, this is what I wanna do. And I went to my mom and I was like, please help me do this. And I didn't stop until I was 24, that I was like, okay, I think I need to like take it back a notch, which we can also get into, 'cause that's a very kind of dramatic story. But like, I just knew and I think I'm proud of myself for being that kid and being determined to do that and then executing and doing it to the level that I had done it and that I guess I still do. But I also am proud of, I think more so, the self work that I've done within that process. 'Cause there was a long period of time, I'd say the core five years of it that I was extremely overworked, not my happiest, not because I wasn't doing what I loved, but just because I was overwhelmed. And I felt like I was saying yes to everything, 'cause I felt really, really grateful and really honored to be in the position that I was in. So I was always saying yes. And it just took a lot out of me to the point where I just wasn't happy anymore. And so I had to set those boundaries for myself when I was about 23, 24, I'd say like what a year before the pandemic. So yeah, I was probably 23. I really set boundaries for myself and I was like, I wanna continue to do this, 'cause this is what I love. But I need to start saying no when I can and prioritizing me and prioritizing like my happiness and my well-being. And it has done wonders for me. Like I feel like I can show up better for myself and I can show up a better person for the people that get to be around me that day and that I work with on that day. So yeah. So that's what I'm proud of. Sorry to give you a long answer to your question. - That's amazing. - I won't say I was hoping for that because I'm always open to wherever anyone's life experience goes but there's a part of me that loves hearing that. Like I really appreciate hearing that because when you've achieved so many incredible things in your career, which you have, to then say, well, this is the part, like knowing how to navigate it or making the right choices at the right time. - Healthy balance. - The healthy balance. - It's so important. It's important for all of us. Like we have to, this is what we're prioritizing, you know? - Yeah. - How did you find the courage to do that at the 23 mark as you're saying, you're in a competitive industry. As you said, it was overworking, it's fast paced. I'm guessing there's comparison in that industry.
Putting yourself first (21:46)
There's competition in that industry. It's not an easy space to be. You're, you know, you're in the top 0.01% in your industry. - Right. - It's hard. And the reason I asked this is because I work with so many people in this space and to have the courage to say, no, I know that if I sort this out, then all of this is going to be just fine. That actually takes more courage than we recognize. We realize that when you have nothing, then there's nothing to lose. You can actually have a lot of courage. - Right. - But when you have everything and there's everything to lose and a lot of the time, at least what I've heard in town is, you know, older managers and agents and I'm not saying you have any of this, but people that I know will be told, well, hey, if you don't do this, like you'll be forgotten next year or you know, your career is only going to last another six months. How did you have that courage to say, no, no, no, I need to do this? Like, where did that come from? - I think that it's interesting. Like, I've never thought about it that way to be completely honest with you. I just knew that if I had gone any further that I was going to lose myself. I was at that very, I was on the teeter-totter edge of that point where had I gone any further, I was probably not going to be great. It was so important to me to feel good that I just knew that it was something that I had to do and I can't say like, you're absolutely right. Like, there were so many people around me that had told me not to say no and told me, yeah, told me not to say no, told me not to stop. I fought my way out of it a little bit because there were people that had worked for me that didn't want me to stop 'cause it might have benefited them. - Of course. - But I got to that point and I just knew I had to do it and I just, I don't know. I don't know how to explain it, I guess. It was just such an unbelievable sensation that I had where I knew that if I do this, I'm gonna be better for everyone and I'm gonna be better for myself, which means I'm gonna be better for the people around me and I have to do this. And so it wasn't really, I wanna be able to live with happiness, God forbid any of this ever went away. And I think that that was a big moment for me of being like, I'm gonna be okay if I don't get this job tomorrow and I'm gonna be okay if I don't get that job in a month. If I have to take this time to do whatever, things will come, everything's going to work out the way it's supposed to and I had to trust that. - Yeah, well to me, from the outside and it's beautiful that you didn't see it in yourself because that always makes it even more wonderful. But the idea that to me from the outside, that's a lot of courage. - Yeah, thank you. - It takes a lot of courage, it takes a lot of vulnerability and openness and it takes courage at every level whether someone's thinking about quitting their job to do something they love or whether someone's trying to relocate their family and doesn't know how or whether someone like you is feeling success but then going, well, wait a minute. And I think in the past few years, we've seen athletes and musicians and actors and people in all creative industries step back and say, well, I need to put me first. And I think that that's empowering because I think we hear about burnout in work culture and corporate culture so often. - For sure. - So what was it that you started to do with that new found time at that time? Like, is that where the curiosity always there and now you could actually follow it? - It was, it was always there. And I had had a lot of people coming to me telling me about meditation and how it changed their life and therapy and so many different things. And I was a bit overwhelmed 'cause I was like, oh my God, what if this is gonna suit me? I think it's a very personal experience. I think everybody has a very different version of all of that stuff. And so it was a little overwhelming. So I think I really just took the time to be off for a second. It was even the little things. It was like being able to go to my friend's birthday party, which I wouldn't have been able to go to before 'cause I was working a lot. - I love hearing that because I think it is those simple things. Like, you know, giving yourself that space, whatever it is that you needed to do. - Yeah. - When you needed it. And like you said, sometimes it's like, that's when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of you and it's like, try this and try this. And it's like, oh no, no, no, let me just take my time. - It was also now that I think about it. - Yeah. - 23, I'm 26, I've had my horse for, so around that time is when I bought the horse that I have now, who is my, like I jump her and I have a two other horses, but they're like retired. So I don't really ride them the same way I ride her. So yeah, I guess it was around that time too that I was like, I'm gonna do this 'cause I love this. And like, I wanna get back into it and this is what I've loved my whole life. So it was around that time that I feel like all of that started happening and I bought my horse and I like started taking more time for things that made me really happy. - Yeah, what I'm noticing in you and observing or at least from just these-- - Oh God. - No, in a good way, in a good way. It's all good. I was just saying, it's like, it feels like no matter what's happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that it's important to be happy. - Yeah. - You know, that's like this core center belief in your life where it's important to be happy, it's important to be happy, it's that has to be the goal. - For sure. And you know, it's not always easy. We live in such an interesting industry and in such an interesting time with social media that it can be very hard sometimes. You can fall victim to so many things that don't serve you and that don't make you happy.
It’s important to be happy (27:15)
If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you're at mercy of things that you can't control. And that's never where I wanna be. So I always wanna live in like me and my therapist talk about like my higher goddess, my higher self. Like I always wanna live there, knowing that when I'm there, you can't take that away from me. That's mine and no matter what you can disagree with me, you can agree with me. That's not going, I'm not changing, I'm not shifting. I'm here, I'm in my higher goddess. So I kind of, I always live by like holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it. And though I fall victim to it at times, as we all probably do, I strive every day to live in that place. - What are some of the qualities of your higher goddess? So that kind of avatar like-- - She's awesome. Like I said, I don't love a pity party. I also like, you know, sometimes it feels weird to like say good things about yourself. But I've also learned a lot about talking to myself and a lot about looking in the mirror and being like, you're great, you're gorgeous, you're amazing, you're loyal, you're positive. You're so many, like I love words of affirmation. I love just sitting there and reassuring myself of who I am because that's another thing for me. You know, there's so many false narratives about me, about all of us I'm sure. Like so many people think they have you figured out when they don't even know the half of it.
Reassuring yourself of who you really are (28:51)
So sitting there and being like, you know, you get frustrated sometimes. It could feel really unfair. You could be reading something that someone is saying about you or hearing something that someone's saying about you and being like, that is so unfair 'cause that's not who I am. And that really gets to me sometimes and that really sucks. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am. And that's all, why does anything else matter? And my friends know who I am and my family knows who I am. My dog knows who I am, my horse knows who I am. Like, why does everything else is just noise? - I do this exercise, I don't think I've shared this before, but I do this exercise with some of my clients where we'll go on a walk and we'll be on a hike wherever we are. And I'll ask them what they think a piece of, you know, maybe there's a little leaf or maybe there's some flower or something that looks a little unique on the path. And I'll say, what do you think that feels like? And what do you think it would feel like if you picked it up in your hand? And they'll be like, oh, it looks really rough and like it might scratch me and like it looks like a bit, you know, like uneven or whatever and it looks kind of hard and strong. And then I'll ask them to pick it up. And nine times out of 10, it's completely different. Like they'll pick it up and it'll just dissolve in their hands or they'll turn it over and the colors really soft. Sorry, the shape, the shape's really soft and the colors totally different on the other side. And I do that exercise to help us realize just how multifaceted humans are. Today I've got to meet you and obviously we're spending a lot of deep intimate, vulnerable time together. So you learn faster about someone but if someone only follows someone on social media or only sees someone at an event or only sees one interview, it's so easy to create such a singular view of someone. And I think, and I want to say this because I really think we all feel it. I don't think anyone wants to be seen in a singular way. If you had to choose one word that had to be you for the rest of your life, I don't think anyone wants that. I think we all know that we're messy and complex and different. - Of course. - But we like to put someone else in a box, whoever that may be, because it's easier than to live life and say, okay, well, that's persons A, B. - Right. - You know, so, there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that I always share from Charles Horton Cooley. And he wrote this in 1890, I think it was, which just shows how true this has been for such a long time and obviously long before that as well. And he said, "The challenge today is, I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am." And we'll let that blur everyone's mind. - You're right. - I can give you a show every time I say it. Charles Horton Cooley said, "The challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am." And what he's trying to say is that we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves. So if I think you think I'm smart, then I allow myself to feel smart. - Right. It's like we need that validation. - We need that validation. Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then I feel hurt. - Yeah. - And the challenge is, I don't know what you're thinking at all, especially outside in the world. And so I find out what you're saying around like, "Well, what do I think about myself? Like how do I feel about myself? How do the people that actually know me feel about me? I think that's really empowering. I wanted to ask you because I feel like from what I've seen and from what I've heard, you have great friendships. You have a great relationship with your families. You said like, what do you think have been really great habits or traits in relationships that have helped you build up good friendships and family relationships? Because I think for so many people, sometimes their friendships and their family can often be the most difficult part. But I feel like the way you communicate or the way you're talking about it, I'm like, okay, there's some really good habits in place here. Have there been any principles or rules that you've learned along the way that have been helpful? - I mean, of course, honesty. I'm a big person on like keeping a really honest, healthy, communicative relationship. But I also think like, I find it really important to have, not feel like you're on top of each other when you have your family around or your friends around. It's okay to like sometimes, even if you're at like a family dinner running to the bathroom and just being like, let me just take a couple breaths because this is getting overwhelming.
Sometimes, family can be overwhelming (33:06)
- That's a great one. - Do you know what I mean? So I just love to like take a second. My feelings are valid. Like sometimes my family's a lot, which I bet everyone already knows. - I've told everyone's about it. - Everyone's family's have a sense of crazy to them. But I think that I can get really overwhelmed really easily. I am prone to just, you know, a good amount of anxiety and just being extremely overwhelmed and kind of taking everything too seriously sometimes. So I like to just step away sometimes and just be like, this is okay. I'm allowed to feel this way, it's valid. I'm just gonna take a deep breath and I'm not gonna react and then I'm gonna go back out there and I'm gonna be fine. - That's a great answer. - Sometimes I do that. - I love that. I love how easy it is. You know, I need to learn a new meditation practice. - Right. - So when you think that's so accessible. - Sometimes it's just as simple as that. - Yeah, it's as simple as that. I love that. - You know, one of the things that, you know, which really touched my heart when I saw this because I think when things happen in culture and everyone talks about it, but sometimes you're like, okay, well, I can tell that there's a real connection here. Like when you lost Virgil, right? Like that, when I saw your message and what you spoke about it, I was like, wow, this is someone who had a really deep connection with this individual. And going through grief is really, really tough. Like, you know, people who lose, and I lost two really close people to me during the pandemic. - I'm sorry. - One was, thank you. One was my spiritual teacher since I was 12 years old and he died of stage four brain cancer. And I hadn't seen him during the pandemic. I couldn't go back for his because that was still when it was like, - Yeah. - It couldn't go back for his funeral. And, you know, he'd been the person who'd been such a key piece of my life. - Oh, wow. - And then the other person pretty much in the same year was my best friend as a monk. So he was still a monk. - Wow. - And he happened to get cancer and he passed away during the pandemic. I couldn't see him either. And he was my age. And so to lose someone that was, you know, and he was still there. And so, yeah. And so when I saw your, you know, your wonderful tribute to Virgil as well, I was like, you know, how do you process something like that when, you know, it's not only industry friends, but genuine friendship beyond that. - Right. - And just how do, yeah. - Well, my first thought here is, why is it always the best people? Like, why is it always these people that are just such balls of light in everyone's life? It's like so, you just think about it and you're like, this is so unfair and you're going through every emotion. And to be honest, it was really shocking 'cause not everyone knew what he was going through and suffering from. So it was really shocking. I'll never forget the day I found out. And it just absolutely, obviously breaks your heart. And you can't help but be like, oh my God, did I ever say enough?
Losing a dear friend (35:54)
Did I ever tell him enough? It's really interesting to share that feeling with so many people. - Yeah. - It feels good in a way. And you're just like, every way, makes you feel so human. And you're sharing this emotion with people that knew him, people that didn't know him, people that just loved him from afar. And it's just a really beautiful and incredible thing to a certain degree, but then also just obviously the most devastating thing. It hits so hard when so many people are talking about it and so many people are affected by it. So it was definitely a really shocking, really sad time. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And it's really interesting what you said there. It's like why, and I had that with my spiritual teacher for sure. I was just like, he was, you know, and what's really powerful about what I could at least remember from him at that time was that even though he had stage for brain cancer, which means he'd lost his short-term memory and a lot of his long-term memory is impaired, if you ever met him, he would just thank you for your service to God. Like he would just say, thank you for everything you're doing for other people. And he would just be grateful. And I was just like, how? - That's exactly how V was too. He was the most positive, lived life, like appreciative, wanted to say yes to everything, wanted to just be there for everyone. You could literally ask him to design a pencil for you. And he would be like, it'll be done tomorrow. What else do you need? Like he just had so much to give and he gave it. And that wasn't, that was pre his diagnosis. That was like, that was just who Virgil was. And so to then find out what he found out at a certain point in his life and still be that person, it's still like, I'm gonna show up for everyone. And like, my time here is so special to all these other people and I'm going to like be here to make them feel amazing. It's just like unreal. Like it makes you just be like, what? Like how, how could you be that incredible and giving? Like that is so crazy. There wasn't a selfish bone in that man's body. Like he was just the best. - Yeah. - But I'm sorry to hear about your. - Oh no, no. I think it's actually nice speaking about people that we both love in a similar way, even though they're in such different places in life doing very different things. But to talk about someone's, and I think that's a big part of it for me, at least with grief, that I feel like when I talk about the beautiful qualities of the people that I lost, it gives me so much confidence that they want me to live it. And they want me to try and embody it. And that how fortunate we are to have experienced that type of humanity. - Yeah. - Like, you know too. - And those are my thoughts of him. Like I think all we ever really want as human beings is to be, you know, when we do leave this earth, we want to be remembered so beautifully and positively, I know at least I do of course, but like you just want, you of course want to make people feel something. And he made so many people feel something. And for that, it is so special. Like what are they say that we, you know, we have our purpose here. And I know that he fulfilled a purpose here that he was supposed to fulfill. And I think that that's, I think about it beautifully. Like I obviously it's a very, very sad situation and it breaks my heart, but I have nothing but beautiful thoughts of him. And I think that's really cool and really special. - Yeah. Thank you for sharing that too. And I had to ask you because, yeah, I just, I feel, I love hearing amazing things about amazing people that, you know, because I think so many of the most incredible people I grew up reading about people that I never met. And I spent a lot of my life studying books about people that I never met, some Malcolm X and Martin Luther King and Einstein and people that I really see as people that have directed so much of my life from how they lived. And I feel like he was potentially one of those people that I never met him, though whenever I hear about him, I'm just like, - For sure. - Oh, this is someone that we could learn from. - For sure. - You spoke about purpose there. I was wondering, how has your purpose changed? Do you had this very confident view of I want to be a model, you know, you've superseded, exceeded and continued to flourish in that world? And I always wish that you do. How has your purpose evolved as that time's going on? - I think I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot about myself, about what I want from my life and which is kind of what we've been talking about. But I'm actually really excited to get older and to learn so much more about not only myself, but like the journey and the path that I guess want to take and want to be on. So I'd say, you know, my purpose has evolved from obviously within business, doing what I want to do and making sure I'm happy and finding the thing that I love and all those things. But I've kind of like I said, really tuned into me.
Finding a new purpose (40:53)
And I think my purpose, at least at this very moment and what I've kind of evolved into is my higher goddess. Like I am determined to tune into her at all times. But also, as I get older, I have so much that I want to connect with other people and with AKA social media and people that may not know me personally. And just the following, like I said, I was given this life for some reason, for whatever reason I was placed here. And I do feel a purpose to share and connect and put a smile on people's faces or make someone feel a positive feeling. And so I think that within me wanting to achieve me tuning into my higher goddess, I think that also entails me being a great version of myself for other people to then experience and my tips and my tools. Whatever I can share, whatever help I can give, I really, as courty as it sounds, I want to spread love, like I want people to feel love. That's really, I guess, the purpose. - Yeah, that's beautiful. I mean, we'll both be awesome. - Right. - Yeah, and it is funny that so much of the stuff that is corny or whatever, that's the stuff that's true. - Right. - That's the stuff. - It is, like there's also just, we all just live in such a, it's an interesting time, obviously, and it can feel really negative. And I tend to stay off of platforms, like social media platforms, because it's hard to look at sometimes, and it feels really negative. So I feel like we all just need a little bit of a smile sometimes. - Yeah, I agree. I post these videos every day, which are just these fun, silly things that happen in the world that my team will find, I'll find. And I post them every day, literally for that reason and that reason only, because I'm like, I may or may not say something that makes someone smile. - But this definitely will, like this, this, without a doubt, will bring some joy to someone's life. - I love that. - And if this is the only joy that someone experienced, I want them to see good in the world. And believe that there's good in the world. - That's one of my favorite things to see on TikTok, when I sit in my bed at night and fall victim to TikTok. I love to see, there's people that I'll post, like here's like five amazing facts that have happened in the world in the last couple of weeks or whatever. And it'll be like, the pandas are not extinct anymore. And like the great barrier reef is coming back and stuff like that. And so I'm like, that's so cool. That's what I want to hear. - Exactly. And you know, if it was like, it's going down, it's like it's going to get a lot of likes and hits, but if it's going up, it doesn't get the same attention. - Why do we like gravitate towards the negative so much? Like, very interesting. - We have to retrain, I genuinely believe it's just a pattern. It's a pattern and a habit that's been a day that's so long. - Absolutely. - Absolutely. - And we have to retrain ourselves. - The clickbait of it all and the whole thing. And we're like, that's going downhill. I need to see what's happening. - Exactly. - And we just like, we do need to retrain our brains. It's exactly what it is. - Yeah. And it starts with what you said earlier. It starts with how we see ourselves. - Hmm. - It is all from that. If someone looks in the mirror, as you were saying earlier, or if someone just reflects on themselves, not physically, but just internally. - Yeah. - Most of us will spot all the negative things about ourselves. And then we take that out into the world and spot all the negative things about everyone else. - Hmm. - And then we take that out into social media. - Right. - So that just propels from if you ask-- - It's all a reflection of-- - It's all, yeah, if we ask someone to sit down and write down, as you said, we feel uncomfortable taking a compliment or we feel uncomfortable saying-- - Saying nice about ourselves. - Exactly. And so it all starts with our relationship with ourselves. If we were able to find three good things about ourselves today, I promise you, you're gonna find three good things about the person sitting in front of you. - Right. - And that will-- - Right, exactly. - I do a lot of inner child work with my therapist and there's actually a trend on TikTok that was going around, but coincidentally enough, we ended up naturally speaking about it in my session. And it was like this trend on TikTok, I guess, that was like a girl being like, anytime you're being mean to yourself, just think this is who you're talking about and then it flashes to like a photo of her as a kid. And so me and my therapist were talking about something similar and she was like, why don't you find like a photo of yourself and put it on your bathroom mirror so that every morning, every night, every day when you walk into your bathroom mirror, you're looking at her and you're remembering that if there's anything negative that you're ever saying about yourself, if you're ever being mean to yourself, you're talking about her. And so I did that and I went into my, I went into like my memorabilia closet in my house and I was looking through old like photo books and I've seen these photo books my whole life.
Stop being mean to your inner child (45:38)
I've literally seen every photo that's been in here and I like flipped to a page and there was a photo I'd never seen of myself ever. It was a Polaroid, so it was the original photo and it was just me as a little girl with a bow in my hair out and a dress on and I have like a little alien tattoo or something right here and I'm like, have this big cheesy smile on my face and I was like, that's the photo I'm putting on my thing. I can show you the photo later, I have a picture of it on my phone. But so I pasted it on my bathroom mirror and I talked to her and I'm always like, if I'm ever looking in the mirror and being negative towards myself or anything, I always look right over to her and I'm like, she's dope and I love her. And so it's just another way of just self-love. - I love that, that's such a great tool. That's such a great tool. My team found a kid picture of me and made an embarrassing version of that trend. So I'll show you that too. - Oh, awesome. - Okay, so you know it. - Yeah, I know exactly, I know exactly what I'm saying. - Perfect. - Kero, you were saying earlier that you wanted to come here and you wanted to share and you manifested in, there were things you wanted to share. What is it that's on your heart that you've wanted to share that maybe we didn't go there today already or is there something on your mind and heart is an experience or anything that really drew you here and made this happen, right? Like, I wanna honor that. - I think we've obviously, we've honestly touched a lot of what I felt like I would have loved to get off my heart. I don't know, I was really excited honestly to come here and share a little bit of me that I feel is very sometimes scary for me to share. And like I said, I came in here and I was a little nervous 'cause this is important to me. And like this part of everyone's journey and what we're talking about today is so important. I really, that was, I guess my intention here today was to come in and share a little bit of me and maybe for whoever's watching, they find some comfort in this or some joy from this or they understand me a little bit more, you know what I mean? So I think that we've hit a lot of really cool points and yeah, I mean, I feel really good. I wanted to honor that. I asked that because, you know, I think when you feel you're in that flow with someone and yeah, I feel like, you know, we've learned so many new things about you today and there's so many moments where I'm like, I just feel like you're so comfortable and you've been so open with us, but I just wanted to honor that. - Thank you. - And make sure that you feel that you've really felt heard and seen. - I appreciate that, thank you. - So I only hope so. We all wanna just be understood at the end of the day. - Yeah. - I think the closer you get to people, humans, the closer you get to people of different backgrounds and different walks of life, the more you start to recognize how similar we all are. - Yeah, exactly. - And how many challenges we all share, despite how much money someone has in the bank, despite how much fame someone has, how much follows someone has. And what we find is that everyone feels their own guilt for where they are. Everyone feels their own pressure for where they are. And everyone feels their own challenge for where they are. And you just start to realize that we all have the same emotions in different mixes. - Yeah, we're all just having a human experience. - Exactly. - We're all just going day by day. I think we all need to be a little bit kinder to each other and just take it easy on some people. - Yeah, yeah. - 'Cause we are. We're all, we all have our own struggles and I don't know. I'm an empath, so I feel for things and I feel for people and yeah. - Yeah, and it starts with you, the person. - Right. - Yeah, it starts with you. - Exactly. I thought you meant me. I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I was like, thank you. - No, no, no, I meant that to our listener. Like it starts with yourself. - Yeah, absolutely. - Like if you can be kinder to yourself, chances are you're gonna be, I found that the days I stopped judging myself, I stopped judging others because it changed how I saw humanities. - Yeah. - Kendall, we end every on purpose episode of the final five, which is a fast five round. I ask you a question and you answer it with a one word or one sentence maximum. So it's super quick and short. - Okay, okay, okay. - And we have to whisk you away 'cause you need to go to your next appointment. But okay, so the first question is, what's something you're curious about right now? - Ooh, I am super curious about, I was saying how I love Michael Singer and I think what I really love. I'm reading their surrender experiment right now and I'm only in the first couple chapters. So this is not a quick answer. - It's great, I love it though, please. - He's basically at the first part of the book where he's talking about how he was curious about meditation and how he got into meditation and how he really just was on a trip with his friends and his girlfriend in the woods and sat in a corner or sat at a tree and was like, I'm gonna just really dive into this and see what happens.
Discussion On Final Five
Kendall on Final Five (50:24)
That's what I'm curious about right now. It's just actually, I meditate, I do a lot of breathing work, breathing exercises, and I just really wanna tap in like Michael Singer did. - I love that, that's a great answer. - That's a great answer. Second question, if there's anything that you're working on personally right now, what are you working on on yourself? Is there any? - Yes, I'm working on boundaries and I'm working on not a stressor. Like I can stress about things in my mind and I overthink and I just, so I'm really working on like, calming down and just letting things flow better and not being so controlling over things, especially that I can't control. - Love it. - So. - Question number three, what's your favorite thing about founding 818? - Oh. - Being an entrepreneur and being a founder. - Probably that. Like I, I was a model and I worked for people a lot. I kind of love being my own boss and really being able to have my own creative, a place where I can be creative and just really express my creativity and have so much fun doing all of that creative stuff. And I've learned so much and learning about the culture and learning about the tequila and everything. Like I've just had the best time, so. - I love that. Question number four, what's something you used to value but you don't value anymore? - Validation. - Great answer. - I don't care anymore. - Great answer. - At least I'm telling myself that. - Yes, yeah. Well, we have to make it a thought first. - Right. - Yeah. - No, but it's true. Like I used to care so much more about validation. I really don't care anymore. At least I was but thank you. - I have a feeling here. - Yeah. Fifth and final question, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? - Oh, I would do like on like a Sunday, you have to take half a day and like not look at your phone or something. - That's great. I love that. That's your legit law. That's great. - Right. - Yeah. - It would be kind of nice. - What a folder. - Or the full day. - It's a good idea. - I love that. Kendall Jenner, everyone, this was amazing. Kendall, this honestly, and I'm excited to catch up afterwards too. - Yeah. - There was just so much flow and synergy in this whole thing happening and I couldn't thank you more for doing this with me here on On Purpose. And I hope that this is the first and many times that we'll do this, but I hope it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship. - For sure. - In relationship. - For sure. - And I wanna, everyone who's been listening or watching back at home, please let me in Kendall know, Tagast, letting us know what resonated with you, what connected with you, like what was it that you've got curious about or what was something she said that just shifted your perspective or where you learned something new. I'd love to hear it. I know there were tons of moments for me where I was listening going, this is amazing. This is incredible. This is awesome. So any wisdom nuggets that stuck out to you, please let us know 'cause I love seeing what made a difference in your life as well. And a big thank you to Kendall for opening our heart and opening up our minds. - Thank you. I'm honored. - Thank you so much. - Thank you so much. - Thank you. - That was amazing. - If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here. I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book, Think Like A Monk from ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com. Check below in the description to make sure you order today.