KEVIN HART ON: The SECRET To Success & Happiness NOBODY TALKS ABOUT (Do This In 2023) | Jay Shetty | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "KEVIN HART ON: The SECRET To Success & Happiness NOBODY TALKS ABOUT (Do This In 2023) | Jay Shetty".

1970-01-22T19:16:22.000Z

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Introduction

Intro (00:00)

The biggest drug, it's not cocaine, it's not heroin, it's fame. Anything you want, everything you want, it's a thing. And if you can't handle this thing, the consequences attached are severe. Do you know you and are you okay with you? If you are not, it'll break you. The best-selling author and host. The number one health and wellness podcast. One purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier and more healed. And I'm so grateful for this community that we have here because I get to sit down with some of the most incredible minds in the world, people that I find fascinating, not just personally and professionally, but because of the potential and the purpose that they have. Today's guest is someone who has been on my list to interview from day one. So it's a very special moment for me. I'm very excited. I'm speaking about someone, the one and only Kevin Hart, Hollywood's box office powerhouse, opening 11 films at number one at the box office and grossing more than $4.23 billion in global revenue. Kevin has also become a successful entrepreneur, he's a chairman of Heartbeat, a global multimedia platform company, creating entertainment at the intersection of comedy and culture with a mission to keep the world laughing together. I love that. Kevin is also the founder of Heartbeat Ventures. Kevin is a New York Times best-selling author twice over and his first audible original, the decision was nominated for an audio award for best original audio book. And I spent my last five hikes listening to his new audiobook, "Monsters" and "How to Tame them." And I have to tell you, and I'm going to tell Kevin right now because he's sitting in front of me, "Dude, I have not been that into something for a long, long time." And I'll tell you why. I have not stopped talking about the different monsters, the different personalities to my wife, my team, to my colleagues. You've made it so relevant and accessible to talk about your flaws in a way that I've never seen before. So thank you so much for being here, man. Thank you. So grateful to be sitting with you. Thank you. And when flowers are thrown out, I believe that they should sometimes be returned. And in this case, man, I'm here for a reason. The work that you've done, the success that you've had is groundbreaking. So major congrats to you. I just want to say there's an equal level of appreciation and excitement for the moment, man. You've done some groundbreaking podcasts, your guests to how you've gotten people to open up the conversations that you've had. More importantly, the lives that you're saving by just being transparent, authentic, and true to who you are, I think it's dope as hell. So it's an honor to sit across from you. I'm excited about the conversation. And it's one that's been on my list as well. So I'm glad that we finally got it worked out. It's where we can make this happen. Yeah, thank you, man. That's very kind. And it's really beautiful hearing that from you, honestly. So let's dive in before we keep going. I can fall for roses. Let's go. Let's get it. One of the things I want to start off, and this is going to take us anywhere and everywhere, is how does it feel when you're winning and then you discover you got monsters? Because that's kind of the journey you've been on.


Keys To Personal And Team Growth

Looking in the mirror and being okay with yourself (03:19)

And I want to go back and forth in this journey. But I want to start there. What does it feel like when you're winning, you're succeeding, but then you all of a sudden go, I've still got monsters in there. You know, when you say and use the word monsters just for clarity so people can understand, of course, we're talking about the different levels to you, right? And within the levels that I've discovered and myself, of myself, you got your good versions and your bad versions. And the bad versions I refer to as monsters, but just because they're bad doesn't mean they don't have good quality. And when you're winning and you're succeeding, there's this idea that everything is right. There's this idea that perfection is now presented itself and life moving forward is going to be just an easy road. And it's not until you're in that position where you expect perfection and you think that that you start to see the true problems and flaws really present themselves. And you know, my monsters have been masked in disguise in various different ways. But I've been able to pinpoint them throughout the years because some of those monsters grew, got stronger, developed. You're talking about the world of an ego, the idea of who you think you are versus what you are, or the idea of expectations and needs as to what you feel you need and what you have to have. That's a monster that's feeding that, right? That engine of, well, now that I'm making money, this is what I should have. This is how I should look. This is how I'm supposed to be. That's a monster that you're feeding because ultimately you're buying in to something that you're creating, you're enhancing this world of thought. And it's not until you sit down and you take a breather and you start to really kind of, you start to really figure out the true definition of happiness for you. You start to really understand the adult that you have grown into and the level of maturity that has now, I guess you can say, have been banked inside the human that you are. It's you're banking so much over the years. And ultimately you're shaping and molding yourself into this grounded, hopefully this grounded individual that you're proud to look at in the mirror at the end of the day. I had to start to, I had to get to a place to where I was looking in the mirror and I was proud of what I was looking at. And I was okay with checking myself. I was okay with pointing out my flaws. I was okay with knowing what I do well and what I do wrong. And at the end of the day, there's no consequence to always improving. There's no consequence to growing. You're in a time now where people almost frown upon the world of growth. I embraced that. I embraced the world of correction. So the monsters and the world of how to tame them came from me understanding the different levels of monsters that have presented themselves to me over the years and me getting them to a point to where I put them in a place where I can control them. They're still there. They can rear their heads, but I can say, sit down. That's not necessary. That's not needed. And I can tell when one is trying to take me back to a place of old. But at the age of 43, it's exciting to know that I've grown from so much. And the world of one is significantly different than what it once was. It's really interesting. You use the analogy of looking in the mirror and being okay with yourself. And when you said that, I was thinking, yeah, when you look in the mirror, there's no trophies. The reflection doesn't show the trophies, the wins, the money, whatever else. It just shows you you. And the fact that you've had the courage to look at that, where do you think when you track back, I've always been fascinated by memories that we hold from our childhood that have left an imprint that's really strong in our lives, whether it be positive, challenging, whatever it may be. What's a difficult memory from childhood?


Having parents that opens opportunities for you (07:38)

Do you think that has been the catalyst for so many things in your life? Is there anything that you go back to? You're like, I can see how that and I had to turn that into a positive. I think the biggest memory for me is the one of being complacent. As a child, I wasn't really a kid that embraced the world a challenge. I was very complacent. I was okay with being a subpar to low average student. I was okay with not trying. I was okay with not giving my all. And I was kind of okay with getting over. So the biggest memory that I have in my childhood is when I got to that early teen years, that 12, that 13, that 14, being sneaky and thinking that you're constantly one-uping someone was the, that's what I was embracing at the highest level. Do your homework. I did it. Did you really do your homework? I did it. And you taking my word for it and not checking my homework. Oh, I didn't do it, but you think I did. I got over. Ultimately, you're slowly cheating yourself over the course of years and it's not until you get a reality check as to why that work was necessary as you realize you're just not doing what you're supposed to do with your life, right? Yeah. You're not giving your all. I had a lot of different examples of that. I truly had a mom that made sure that I had and I didn't take advantage or embrace the real work that she put in until I got to an older age of true understanding. But to be honest, I really threw a lot of those things to the side, the extracurricular activities, the swim teams, the football teams, the basketball teams, the track and field, the baseball. All of these things as a kid, you don't understand your parents are doing to try to provide you with a world of opportunity. They're trying to keep you occupied. They're trying to embrace this idea of hard work, effort, activity, engage. They're doing all of these things to their kids or hopefully for their kids to put their kids in a position to just want, want the best, compete, study, learn, be excited about their future. That light bulb went off late. Thankfully, when it went off, it went off at the right time and I was able to identify a lot of stuff that I couldn't then. Also, thankfully, that a lot of the lessons that my mom constantly embedded in me about, "You don't start things that you're not going to finish. You don't quit. Apply your all. Do this or don't do it." You're not cheating anybody but yourself. All of these things that I heard over the course of time, there was a moment when I got older, it all hit at the same time. The real memory for me now, looking back, is I'm glad that I do see that, that I am aware of that because not being aware of that is the hugest loss. Thinking that I took full advantage, thinking that I really applied or tried myself, thinking that that was 100% would be the real loss. So one of my best memories is knowing that at one point, I was a slacker. I was the guy that wanted to look like he was doing but never truly was, unless it was something that I loved and embraced. And that was basketball but the chances of me making it that were very slow. But that's to answer your question. It's a ballpark of those memories that I now look back on that I appreciate, but it also act as the fuel for the hard work and the 100% that you see that I put in everything I do today. Yeah, that's such a great reframe around what you saw as a bigger loss. I think that's so powerful for you to sit here and say, actually, I'm really happy that I can see that I wasn't putting my best foot forward because that helps me be grateful to my mom. It helps me understand it from a different perspective. And the one thing that came to mind for me when I'm listening to you say that is, there's this quote that says, "The day you realize your parents were right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong." Wow. And that's always been one of those statements that I think about that in my own self. I thought my parents were wrong my entire teenage life and I think most teenagers do. And then all of a sudden I hit my mid 20s and I'm like, "Oh, wait a minute. My mom's been through a lot. My parents put on a lot of sacrifice." And so I love that you brought that up. I mean, one of the reasons we pushed this show back was you lost your father recently. And when I heard the news, obviously, my love and condolences to your family. Looking at what you were sharing and commenting about, and there was this one thing that you said that really stuck with me. And you said that my kids actually think I'm the coolest dad on the planet. I know why I am the way I am. My dad has a lot to do with that. The mistakes that my dad made, the decisions to do drugs, being in and out of jail, in and out of your lives, I saw firsthand what not being present did because of that. I now know what being present means. I know what I can do. I know what effect it can have when your child coming up. But it sounded like, obviously, when you lost your father recently, it sounds like you'd reconcile. You'd built somewhat of a connection.


Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the solution (13:06)

You know, me and my dad, we weren't the closest, but we weren't not close. My dad, at the end of the day, I'm going to love my dad, simply being my dad. And my dad's life had several different versions of drastic downs, right? A small amount of ups, but a lot of downs. I can easily sit here and ridicule or judge my dad for the mistakes that he made or for his past, but that does nothing. I don't like to focus on problem, my focus on solution. Yes. So with me and my dad in our relationship, it was always one of solution. Like you can't go back and fix the years that you weren't present. There was nothing that we can do about that time. We can have a conversation about it. We can talk about it. And then me and my dad talking, my biggest thing was, you don't have to focus on what you can't change. The fact that you're here now and that you made a decision to get clean, to turn your life around. It's never too late. My dad was, you know, 50 plus at the time when he said, I'm going to go ahead and figure it out. And I'm going to close that door and I'm going to work on this other door. This door over here was, like I said, jail, drugs, in and out of his kid's life, to the point where, you know, there was a, there's a time when we didn't know where my dad was. And I bumped into my dad on the train. I tell a story. I bumped into my dad on a public transportation in Philadelphia. Like not seeing him in years. I randomly saw my dad. And my dad was so embarrassed he got on the train and ran. But it's like that's, that's where that world and that relationship was. And what I do very well, I don't hold on to grudges or gripes. It takes too much time. It takes too much energy. Things will work themselves out. They never not have. It'll always work itself out. And me and my dad worked it out, right? Like it's about the grandkids. And our relationship got better as he embraced the opportunity to be a great grandpa. And seeing him try to do that right was his way of saying, I wish I could have done this right for you. I can't. Like I know what you're saying without saying it. Sometimes you don't, you don't need words. Although some people do need them. Sometimes your actions are a little better. And my dad's actions and trying his best to be an unbelievable grandfather made our father's son relationship that much better. And you know, there was a lot of conflict between my brother and my dad and seeing that men over the time and just saying, look, I'm, I'm not supposed to be here. Dad, look at what your son has done. Look at where I am. Being that I can. I want to make sure that you get to see some dope things in life here. Let's do this and take that and live like this and do so things work themselves out. His reward for giving his energy to something positive and life changing was his son becoming successful and his son saying, dad, huh, it's not expected. That wasn't the plan. You got a great piece of light at the end of that dark tunnel that you didn't expect, that I didn't expect because I didn't expect to be here. So everything kind of works itself out. Yeah. And you know, and losing my dad is when you look back and you go, yo, he was all right. Right? Like my, my reflection, my conversation, my words when I speak on behalf of my father. They're so positive and dope because he did good. I'm all right. I came out okay. Mom, dad, you did good. Whatever you did to put whatever recipe in this pot, the food came out all right. I'm a good person. I got a good heart. I treat people with respect. Ultimately, I want the most that I can possibly get out of life. I love to love. I'm a good dude. Am I perfect? No. I got some of them imperfections over there. I got some of the ones from over here from my man, dad. Okay. That's life. Of course. I'm a figure it out, but I figure it out without the want or need for problem. That's real, man. I mean, listening to you say that what I appreciate so much is about how you're changing our perspective again, that often we feel to heal what was broken needs to be fixed. And actually what you've just said is seeing him try with the grandkids, that's not even the area that needed fixing or was broken, but seeing that starts to create some healing. That's the best example that I can ask for. Yeah. Because it's not about us, right? Like me and my ex-wife got to a point of realization after having a significant amount of ups and downs after our divorce. We got to a point where you realize it's not about us. Like we did it. We had our opportunity and we're now adults. How we choose to live as adults? Well, that's the choice that we make, but we're trying to make the best choices so that they have a better life. So it's about them. When I see somebody making the efforts to make life for them better, well, then we're on the same page. Mm-hmm. We have the same vision. We have the same vision. Yeah, yeah. It's not about us at this point. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to do things, to create change, to move ground, shift the gears so that they have a much better opportunity than what we did. Yeah. That's the world of the baton being passed correctly. And if you understand that and you have that mindset, you approach your day to day differently. And I do. I do have that mindset. And it's one thing that I'm very thankful for. And through the things that should be problems or were supposed to be problems, I've never held on to them long enough. And by the way, just bringing it back for a circle, that's a monster. That grudge monster, that's a monster that I'm going to get you back. I'm going, wait, you just watch. I'm going to hold on to that and I'm going to prove to you, or I'm going to show you, or I'm not talking to nobody over here. That's a monster. So you can feel that monster, or that monster doesn't have to have an existence in me. It's really, really interesting hearing that perspective again, because one of my favorite lessons that I've learned is that often the thing that's holding you back is something you're holding on to. Yes. It's one of my favorite lessons. The idea that holding you back is you're holding on to it. So whether it's a grudge, like you're saying the grudge monster, or a feeling, or an emotion, or an idea that you're not allowing it to let go when it no longer serves you. And being able to walk away from that requires real strength and courage.


It’s hard to see the good if you’re only seeing the bad (20:45)

But one of the things that you said about you and your partner, your ex-wife, that I think is really powerful is that when it's just about us, whoever that may be, you're either looking at each other or you're looking past each other. And what you just said is now we're looking in the same direction when it's the kids. And so that switch, if you think about any relationship in our life, when we think it's just about us, when it's not about anyone else, you're always going to be against each other. But as soon as there's a higher purpose, or there's a commitment, or there's a value that supersedes that. And understanding. And understanding, yes. And understanding that comes with the world of communication and great dialogue. I can, you know, and having this conversation, I can point to so many examples of how it's so hard to see the good if you're only seeing the bad. Like there's so many people that struggle with their version of successes, because they're looking at someone else's. There's so many people that struggle with their world of relationship, because they're judging theirs based off of someone else's, right? And we are constantly in the space of not realizing or noticing your world, your reality, because you're living in what appears to be someone else's. Well, your shit is never going to be right. It's never going to be right, right? Like if I'm, if I'm looking at everybody's relationship with their father and I'm going, I want that. Yeah. Well, I'm not embracing the world of good that came from my dad. I could have went down the road that my dad did. I could have easily been wrapped into the same world of, you know, drugs, gangs, violence, stick up boys, right? Like the embracing the hood at the highest level. Not that I don't, because I do. That's where I'm from. But I could have, I could have embraced it at a much higher level, and followed in the footsteps of my father, because that's what he did. But I was able to realize the mistakes he made. I was able to go, I don't want to go down that street. Let's see the consequences of it. That's the choice that I made, right? Some don't make that choice. By the way, no disrespect to those that haven't. It's to each his own. You do what you want based off of who you've seen or what you want to be true to. Live your life. Ultimately, we get one. Live it for you, live it to the best space and place that you feel you can win at. That's my motto. I'm not here to tell you right and wrong. I'm saying I identify things differently, and I make decisions based off of examples that I can look at as not bad, but ones that if I didn't have, I could have made that mistake. Without a lesson that was intentional, my dad's giving me lessons. It's not intentional. My dad never said I went to jail, so he didn't have to. He never said that, but hey, man. See, you in jail, dad. This is my wisdom. Well, that just made me realize I don't want to go there. Hearing how you talk about it, hearing how many times you went. Well, I don't want to go there. Seeing what drugs did to you, and you talking and telling the stories, what you lost, what you had, what you know. Well, I don't want to do that. Okay, you know, I'm going to embrace my father. I want to embrace this imperfect human being, because I'll be damned if he's not positioning me for personal success in just understanding what I shouldn't shouldn't do. And it seems so logical. It seems like common sense, but sometimes it's not that easy for some. It's not that easy. Yeah, and sometimes what I'm hearing is sometimes the greatest wisdom is unsaid and unintentional. Sometimes the greatest wisdom is not what someone said to you. And sometimes the greatest wisdom is knowing what not to do. I think we think of it as like knowledge or learning means. Someone's telling me what to do and they told me the right thing. Sometimes it's looking and saying, well, I know what not to do now. And what I'm fascinated doing, I think you're going to give people a lot of hope listening to you today. Because when you say that you were complacent growing up, and I consider you today to probably be one of the hardest working people in entertainment from what I see and observe and when I've watched your interviews or listened to you, you work super hard. You give it. You're all you're invested from a mission purpose point of view. But hey, wait a minute. This person says I was complacent growing up. And it's never one moment. It's never one thing. So I don't even want to simplify it with that kind of a question. What were the shifts that needed to take place in order for you to go from being complacent to being one of the hardest working people who's committed to something?


The simplest things came from an idea (25:20)

I'm big on just logic. And there's this moment that I had where I just kept saying why not. Like why? Russell Westbrook is a good friend of mine. I tease him all the time because the one saying that he has that I wish I would have had. Or I wish I got to first is why not. Right? And it's so genius. It's so genius. It's so simple, but yet so profound. You don't just have to have one job and working any job and whether their job is a nine or five or whether it's a half a day, full day, whatever it is. You don't just have to do one thing. You can do a lot of different things. But this is weird. This is weird mindset that a lot of people have that you can only do one thing. And when I realized I don't have to just do one thing, I can do a lot of different things. You can be good at a lot of different things. But you don't know that you're good at a lot of different things unless you try a lot of different things. And when I looked around and I kind of just realized how the world goes around, it's all based off of creativity. It's all based off of ideas. It's all based off of thought provoking, then groundbreaking opportunities. But the simplest things have come from an idea. From your chair to your table to your wheel to your light bulb to your car to your plane to your helicopter to the idea of a hotel or hotels going to a place of people running out houses and Airbnb's to taxis to then people driving their own cars. These are ideas. And the groundbreaking thought that I had in realizing all these ideas is that these ideas have the potential to touch the sky if a person believes that they can. If a person believes that they can, well, your world of ideas changes. Your reason for getting up, your reason for putting your feet on the ground every morning, it can change if you believe that the purpose that you now have and that you're working towards based off of an idea is something that you can succeed at. I grasped that understanding and I attached it to everything that I tried to do. I did not set out to be the actor, the director, the writer, the producer, the CEO, the chairman, the advisor. I did not set out to do any of these things and I'm going to make it very clear. I don't have the educational background for any of these things. What I had was an idea to try and after you get an idea to try, what I had was the patience to sit and listen, be a sponge, learn, figure it out and figuring it out. There was another side of not being okay with the incomplete version of figuring out the thing that I didn't do. Well, why did I go ask all these questions? If I'm not going to try it, now that I know how. Or, well, let me try it. The only consequence is failure. By the way, not trying is failing. Yeah, well, I want to make that very clear. I said, yeah. Not trying is failing. There's a lot of things that people can't do simply because you've never tried to do it and I'm not saying that you should try everything. I'm not saying that you're supposed to do everything. I'm saying that for me, when someone says something and I go, now I never did that, I have to have a reason for why I've never done it and a justification. If you ask me something, I go, no. And you just say, why? I go, mm, that's not good enough for me. Yeah. Yeah. I like to have a reason why. And that's the foundation that I stand on. That's how I built this mindset, this level of energy to go ahead. Rhyme and reason within my why. Why not? Yeah. It's the Russ again. I love you to death, my brother. It's the one that got away from me and you're a genius for saying it because it's so simple, but yet so profound. Yeah. So everything that I'm doing or that I'm attempting to do is because I started so much and I'm just trying to finish it. Yeah. And I like the fact that I'm 43 and I still got energy behind what it is that I'm trying to do. Yeah. It sounds like it's like where you're going is not as important as who you're growing into for that direction. Oh my God. Like the person that you're evolving into, the things you have to learn, the things you have to be surrounded by. And I think that's the part that I get excited about. It's like, yeah, like you said, whether you get there or whatever there is or not. And it's not just the journey and the destination because I think that's the old cliche. But what I'm really hearing from you is the person you grow into, the people you surround yourself by in order to reach this big goal that is so fulfilling and that pursuit is worthy. Right? The pursuit is the happiness. It's everything. Yeah. J.I. have said this before and you'll hear so many people say it that come from where I've come from, the bottom or what's considered to be the bottom. We are not still typically supposed to be in the rooms that were in. And when we say that, there's a level of comfort, right? We're not supposed to be in these rooms. And it's kind of cliche when you say it. When you start to get in these room, you're, oh, wow. Why are we not supposed to be in these rooms? Right? Like it's so amazing when you get to the other side, you see the other side and you look back and you just look at what you've grown from. The conversations that I'm able to have, the knowledge that I'm able to speak with, and the understanding, I understand not because I'm a trained machine and I spent all of this time prepping for it. And you know, this is what the idea of education was all based off of. No, the idea of discovery enhanced the muscle that made me want for so much more information in the space of life that I chose to love. So in entertainment and business, the level of failures that I have had that I'm still having, in some regard, the world of fixing, cleaning up, making better, understanding, growing relationships, building, it's there is nothing more intriguing to me than being able to turn around and look at Kevin at the age 22 and then looking at Kevin at the age 43. This was not the plan. What are you talking? Every day is a new day and every day I found another thing to be excited about. Every day I found another goal that I decided to attach to my tree. And that tree got so many branches on it right now. And so many people say you're doing so much or why do you do so much? How do you do so much? What is the end game? What's the goal? The game is being in the game. Right? Like it's being in the game. The foundation that I'm trying my best to create, I hope and pray that with these four kids that I have, that they look at it, they see that they understand, we just got to shot at something different. We got to shot at generational wealth. We got to shot at changing the quote unquote trajectory within our culture of opportunity. We got to shot to make this normal. Once again, I'm looking past me. I'm looking at, I'm looking at the bigger piece of the plan. My kids got a bigger shot at breaking ground and making this normal because other kids that looked like us that came from where we come from and that grew up, how I grew up, will now have a different level of association for what can be achieved. If it's based off of what I was able to do, I'm igniting a different level of thought, a different level of what, a different level of motivation and inspiration. I'm inspiring at a different level. Absolutely. When I get there and at the last second, I miss it and I fall. I got there. I got there and all that doesn't show them that they can get there. They're not going to miss. And they can go further. They can go further. They're not going to miss. They're equipped with too much of the weapons. I've equipped you along the way with so much. So you're prepared for all this war that's coming up here. You're not going to miss. That might miss. That might fall. You're not. I love that. And the kids coming up from under them, they're not going to miss. But you have to have this energy is bigger than me. What's that? What's that one mindset that you're trying to pass on to that next generation?


Team effort is the foundation of success (35:12)

Your kids, the kids that come off to that because it sounds like while you were honest and saying, look, I didn't know I was going to be a writer, director, an entrepreneur, a CEO. I didn't have these. I didn't have the education, as you said. But it sounds like you have some, you have the mindset. That's very clear. We know that. But there's some core skills here that it sounds like you've invested in very deeply and that you're trying to pass on. If you could narrow them down to one, two or three for us, what would you say of the skills that you like? This is how I want my kids to be able to operate in this world. And that's what they need. The best skill that I have developed is the skill of noticing and understanding that nothing is done by one. Individual. No level of success is reached by one person. There is a team effort that goes into the smallest moment of success to the largest. The person that wants the rewards and accolades for it all and that doesn't embrace the world of team and the foundation that stands underneath. Whatever that thing is, it's a person that won't last long. The thing that I am most thankful for and the thing that I'm glad that it has just improved over the course of time is the world of inclusion with the we. There's no I. And I hope that that's what I'm passing down to my kids is that, you know, nothing is given. Everything is earned. And for things to be earned correctly, you know, you have to surround yourself with people that you cannot only earn with, but that will support and embrace along the way, right? I have an amazing team. I hope that my team grows to be the stars of tomorrow from execs to creatives to talent, to writers, producers, directors, everybody that's underneath this umbrella of heartbeat, of heartbeat ventures, of the brands and the brand partnerships and the space of entertainment in this ecosystem within media that we've created. We flourish because they flourish and knowing that, identifying that and trying my best to support that, that's the thing that I have had to work on. And when we talk about monsters, Jay, there was a, it was a I monster. There was a, I need to do it. I'm going to make the call. Me first. I got a, I'm a bow. I'm a, no, everybody move. Watch out. I'm going to show y'all how to do it. I'm going to take the meeting. Hit. We're not listening to that. We're going to do it my way. It was this heavy thing of me. I, I, I, I, I, I, you out the way, Kevin. Get out the way and let other people be great. They're only going to make this thing greater. You're prohibiting that by trying to stand in a moment of, of great so that people can look and point at you. Let other people do the thing that they were brought here to do. And while they do it, align yourself with them, embrace them, support them. And as they grow, we grow. Yeah. That's the thing that I flourish in the most, which is why the first thing that I asked you, yeah, think about it. The first thing that I asked you when we're here and we're setting up, was that how long have you guys been together? Yeah. That's just me asking because I want to see what the world of your team is. Yes. And when you say what you say, well, there's no coincidence that the level of success comes with a relationship that's evolved from day to said date. Yes. It comes with an understanding that comes with a level of community, more importantly, a want for success, but we have it together because we're embracing the world. It's not just one. I love that you went there, man. Like they could have been so many ways to answer that question. And the fact that you brought it back to being bigger than you, I mean, that mindset, I mean, that mindset is everything, but it's so easily missed because we grow up in a doggy dog society. We grow up in a U versus me. I feel like when I speak to people in the entertainment industry as well for years, especially if you were a minority or a person of color, you were put against the only other person of color. Absolutely. And so it's like there can be only one person of color comedian. There can only be one person of color actor, right? Like it's all divided. And so you talked about this. I just talked about this. Oh, wow. It's Dave, Chris, myself. We're very close. Yeah. And I love seeing that. That makes me happy. The reason why we're so close is because there is no competition. We're not competing with one another. And we all have different level of success that makes sense for for us, right? Like one success has nothing to do with the other. And the support, the love that we give each other, that we embrace each other with, it's all done with the understanding that we can all exist at the same time. And the conversation of there can only be one is one that we've created as a culture. Like, you know, we really do pit our own against our own, right? We really have done it throughout the time. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with competition. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the best. There's nothing wrong with that conversation. But it's a conversation that can be had and should be had without the malicious intent behind it, right? Because ultimately success is success. And that's what you're in the game for. Yeah. To have some type of level of success that checks the box for you. And, you know, once again, if you get to looking, looking across the street and you're looking at what the others are doing over there, well, you're missing what you've done over here. And I just, it's something that I think over the course of time has developed. It didn't start off like this. I definitely was once again, and being transparent, I was a young comic that was like, man, when am I going to get my turn? Yeah. I'm funny. I'm funnier than. I need to, I don't understand. Oh my God. Nobody wants, like you do go through that. And rightfully so, there's frustration in not knowing or not understanding why my opportunity hasn't or isn't. There's frustration in that. But there's also a sense of calm that comes in confidence of knowing that you're putting the work in for a reason and that it will pay off. And I had to make that change. I had to make the change of saying, I'm doing the work. Am I showing up every day and am I prepared? And if this opportunity does come, am I ready for it? Because it's nothing worse than it comes and I don't have a set. I don't have a tight five minutes. I don't have a tight 10. I didn't have a 25 minutes set. Oh my God, it wasn't a clean material. I didn't have no clean material. There's nothing worse than not being ready. Oh my God. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to do the work and make sure I'm ready. Let me go take these acting classes before I even got an acting role. I'm sitting in a damn acting class. I'm spending a little bit of money I got doing one on one sessions. That wasn't comfortable being in the class. I had to get the space of comfort. I don't have any roles. I didn't have any audition yet. I'm doing a work so that when I get there, I don't have to go backwards and do it. Yeah, I love that mindset. I think that is so underrated of, are you even ready if the opportunity came knocking? Are you even ready? And two things that I took away from that. The first was something you said about you, Chris and Dave, and I love hearing about that friendship.


Celebrate each other’s success (43:19)

It's so beautiful to hear about that. I read something from Bob Iger where he was talking about how at one point, Spielberg, George Lucas, and I think it was Tarantino, they would show each other their movies before it went anywhere. So they'd sit in this tiny little theater or whatever, they'd show each other their movies, give each other feedback, and then they'd all launch their movies. And of course, all of those people are icons. And it's unbelievable because you think they were so confident in who they were and what their style was. I mean, a Spielberg movie doesn't look like Lucas Movie, and Lucas Movie doesn't look like a Tarantino movie. They were so confident in who they were and what they brought to the table that they could even show their best work. I trust your level of understanding, opinion, and story in the highest regard that even though we don't share the same love for genre material, whatever you want to call it, right? Like whether it's sci-fi to drama to action, like these are all, like you said, different people. But you know story, you know, character. I trust that you'll be able to watch my project, tell me if my characters are easy to track, and if you care, and if you don't care, I also trust that you'll be able to tell me why you felt you didn't. I also feel that in the space of solution, you're not going to throw things at me that are not doable. You're going to know the context of what I have that I'm working with, what's left on the cutting room floor, what I can possibly do to do reshoots, everything that you're going to tell me is within regards of having my best interests. That's confidence, that's also a strong relationship and a friendship that along the journey of success, as we've all gotten to the top of this mountain, we understand that your stance on your mountain has nothing to do with minds. Dave Chappelle has made me and Chris Rock feel stupid at times when it comes to our choice of material. We have watched Dave in our earlier stages of just working on us, said that we would spend time with the seller, and when we're coming, we would all go, and Dave would go up and me and Chris had just went up, and we're happy about our material. We're giving each other notes. We watched Dave. There's been times we looked at each other, and we balled our papers up and said, "We got to start over. We got to start over." Not because of jealousy or envy. No, because we challenge each other, and we spark and amp the world of like, "We want the best, but not only each other, but for ourselves." You inspire me, and you encourage me. I love the report that we have because we do exactly the same thing. I think my hour is ready. I want you to come see me, Chris, and what you think. I like it, but I still think you can. Cav, come see me. I'm doing an hour and 40 right now. Hour and 40. Yeah, tell me what you think. I'm probably going to trim 20 out of it. I like where it is. All right, I'm coming. Dave, what's up? Come on Ohio. You don't like what I'm working on. I want your eyes. All right. That's a strong relationship, and it's one that I embrace. And I celebrate it often, man. I celebrate it often. I think it's very important for people to see other entertainers at this level. Just simply celebrate each other's success. I love it, whether it's rappers, singers, actors, actresses, comedians, writers, directors, whoever. I love to see a room where people are in it and they're celebrating one another. We're all a part of a fraternity. And if we treat it right, that fraternity will have an amazing stance forever. You don't want to attach bad stories to it if we don't have to. And I think that's the most inspiring thing for the kids, because when I think about younger generations, if you grew up watching your favorite people and you knew they were all friends, how does that change the game now? Because if you're seeing your favorite people fight each other and battle it out for the crown, what are you going to do with the person sitting right next to you at school? And I think that's, I saw that so much growing up where I've always wanted to connect with people regardless of what we do in this space, but you saw so many people who are coming at it from the perspective of, let's see who does better. Let's see who does more. And again, I love what you said. Competition's not a bad thing. Let's not give it a bad name. But the idea that we've got to be able to hold two truths, we can compete and still be friends. Still be friends. And I think people still be friends. Yeah, you have to choose, but you still be friends. You know, there was a time where the USA men's from team, the Olympic team, this team was just so elite. And this is in Phelps's like, Phelps was Phelps, a human fish. But when you look at a lot and you look at the other men that were competing on that team and you looked at the world of competition between them themselves, those practices were more than just practices. The world of training before the Olympics and the battles that took place in those pools where they got ready and they were by each other's side every single day. When I tell you that atmosphere is one that nobody else can understand, except the ones that are competing to be great. By the way, at the end of every practice, they would get out and shake each other's hands without me being there. I'm willing to bet and say, good, when you push me today, you kick my ass today. Hey, tomorrow, man, I'ma see if I can lower my time. I'm not happy with my 200. I'll go. I'll do it with you. I'll push you. Hey, my backstroke is whatever. Hey, you know what? Today, on those 50s, we did the reps. You seem like you got stronger along the way. Well, I saw you next to me. That motivation, that motivation that you're pulling from being alongside of somebody that's quote unquote the best or the quote unquote greatest, you're using that as fuel. That's not bad, but not in one interview that you ever see them have any type of report and looked as if there was animosity or anger towards one success. The happiest people for Michael Phelps were the people on his team. The happiest people were the people that got the silver that were on his team. That to me, that's the mold in the making of real champions, right? Yeah, that's the mold in the making. Like if you're in it and you have said, this is what I'm destined to do and I'm going to give my all and every day, I show up with 100% regardless of the outcome, I'm showing up with 100%. That day gonna come, whenever it comes, I'm gonna be ready. It's gonna come. I'm going to get my just doing my fulfilling, my fulfilling like need and energy and want for knowing that I have just delivered for myself. That's why I compete with it. That's why I look at the mirror. Sometimes I let myself down because the thing that I'm trying to do, I should know I can't redo. Sometimes I'm chasing the thing that can't be redone again. Sometimes the lightning and the bottle strikes once, you're not going to get that again. So this time, I'm so hard on myself that I missed the moments of success that I should realize that I'm having. That I'm chasing this thing. It was a time where I was doing two shows in arenas a night, four shows in the city in arenas as a comedian. Go back on tour the next one, I only do two shows. Oh my God, I'm falling off. What's happening? No, sold out six, seven shows, Madison Square Gump. What? I feel bad because I didn't do it again. That ain't gonna happen again. That was lightning in the bottle. You got to get to a place of understanding and realization, but once again, it's the monsters, man. Yeah, it's the monsters. It's the monsters. Yeah, you talk about this in the audiobook and I loved it. It was all about the addiction to number one. Yes. It's this idea. And you'll love this. There was a study that I saw that said, because you brought up the Olympics, it sparked my brain. There's a study that I saw that said, people who win bronze are happier than people who win silver because the people who came second were this close to first. Oh my God. Yeah. But the person who came third, they were happy. They were like, we weren't going to get first, but we got in. We got on the podium. Yeah. Yeah. And it's that podium syndrome of at least we got on, but the second the person in silver, they are mad at themselves. Yeah. Because they didn't get number one. Yeah. And so that addiction to number one is so strong. It's a bigger addiction when there's multiple versions of. Yeah. I'm guilty of the multiple like, okay, I need it. Got a movie coming out. Movie going on the box. I need it. I need number one. I don't get number one. I'm a fail. Like, a fail. We flop. I don't get number one with flop. It's a flop. I got to get number one. It's one or a flop. There's no one between. It's one or a flop. Like, I've always got number one. It's got to be number one. What happens is you're so unrealistic and expectations that you're missing real success. Now, I've been fortunate and blessed enough to have a ton of them, but I got to a place where the the wind was attached to the project. The wind was attached to me finishing a movie and being happy about the movie that I did. Union workers are happy and a director coming out with the finished piece of the product going, you're gonna like this and we see it and we actually like it and then we screen it for fans and fans go, we love that's the win. Yeah. That's the win. This other thing, I'm trying to control kef stop. You can't control that. And if you keep on going in the direction that you're going in, if and when that thing changes, you're going to be so hurt that the world of recovery might not be easy for you. You're logic in what you're now deeming as like reality for you. It's not reality. Yeah. If you don't grasp the real concept of what it should be now, it doesn't mean that you're saying that you are ready to fail. It's saying be prepared for the world of real to present itself at any point in time. Don't get caught up in the world of fake. And me acting as if I control these numbers, as if I can navigate and direct and make it happen when and how I want all the time. I'm setting myself up. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to check myself now. Yeah. Let me balance it out now. What are you doing? I love what I do. All right. Well, then let's be happy in what we do. I talked to David Letterman on my comedy podcast, where I come to go with minds. And Letterman said he was so dark at one point because all he did was show up and he looked at the numbers between him and the other shows every day. God, that's painful. Every day. He said, every day I got there and I looked at it. And my team, you and I were working hard enough and I was so hard. He said, I'm so hard on people. And when you hear him talk, love David. By the way, I don't know the Letterman of old that some people ran into. I know the Letterman of now. And he's so transparent, the information of how he talks and what he's overcome, his stories were just, it was so good to hear. Because when you hear people that are openly telling you, you can't do this. You can't operate like this because it eats away at you. It eats away. It made me realize I did go through a piece of that. I just was able to catch mine early. And in the worry of like, we might fail, we risk being open to being broken, right? Like that's the risk. Like you don't want to go down, but you don't realize that if you're not prepared for that down, the down's going to be far worse. It's going to be far worse, man. We have had a live example of a lot of those downs, right? Like in real time, we're watching, I called the Truman Show. And for everybody listening to your podcast, if you're not familiar with the Truman Show, it's a Jim Carrey movie. But basically, people's lives, it's the movie, right? We're watching real live movies every single day. And you're watching people make mistakes, recover from mistakes, not recover from mistakes, make rights instead of left, left instead of right. And seeing that, we choose to ignore it as if it's not real life. We choose to ignore it. Because it feels like it's TV. And the biggest drug, the biggest drug, it's not cocaine, it's not heroin, it's not Molly or opioids. And the biggest drug is fame. And now it's more accessible in different doses. It's the biggest drug. And the reason why it's the biggest drug, because it's a drug that makes you feel like you are powerful. And like everywhere you go, anything you want, everything you want, it's a thing. And if you can't handle this thing, the consequence is attached to when that thing is removed or severe, nobody prepares you for the world of fame. There is no handbook, there is no outline, there is no guide by guide. Step one, the step 10, there's nothing. You get it and yesterday you weren't and today you are. And tomorrow you're not. No, we're done. People get shell shocked. That to me has always been the point of no return. At the end of the day, this can wear off if and when, however, sees or decides and if that were to happen, well, what am I, where am I? It's all going to, it's all going to be back to, are you happy with who you are and what you did? Are you at a point where you are okay? Do you know you and are you okay with you? If you are not, it'll break you. Your energy is incredible and just the depth, what I love about this, and this was my vision with the show and you were helping me achieve that, which I'm very grateful for, is I don't think, and I love that you've been doing this more and more with the audible, with heart to heart, like, we're getting to see your depth. We're getting to see the mind behind you. Again, as we said earlier, we like to limit people. We like to limit people into like, you just be a comedian or you just be a race car driver or you just be an actor. And it's like, we're starting to realize that, like you said, you're not just watching someone's life on TV. There's a human here. There's a story here and we're getting that with you. Do you think it was, was this something, was this an epiphany that you had before the accident?


Talk to yourself (58:24)

Or was it that this really, because when you're audible, when you talk about like how when it's just silent, you figure out what really matters. Like when I heard that, I was just thinking like, all near-death experiences you were told when you came out of it, you should be dead and you're like, well, I don't remember anything. Does that feel like that was a moment that there is a massive awakening or were you already kind of working with some of this? No, I had a, I was always a transparent and authentic person, but you definitely change. That's what you, you definitely change. And by the way, still changing. I'm not sitting in front of us. Yes, as an unflawed man. Like I am my dad's child and my mother's child as well. There's nothing more humbling than a quiet room. There's nothing more humbling than the realization of what is really like necessary. What you take for granted and what we don't think twice about is not until that's compromised that the true appreciation for life I feel like can sometimes be had. I don't want to speak for everybody because I think there are some people that truly do get it and that truly do think whatever their space or version of a higher power is daily for life and for what they do. You know, I believe in God. So I'm, I'm not as spiritual as some may be, but I'm very thankful for the life that God has allowed me to, to live and the opportunities that I've been able to embark upon. But I got a lot more appreciation after life was almost gone. Right? Like, do you really appreciate your toes? Do you really appreciate your fingers? Like, do you really think about your movement, your joints, vision, smell? Do you really think about how fortunate and and lucky you are? It's the only time where I get a little, where I slow up, right? And when, when I'm slowing up, it's because the reality of that was significant. I really almost died. My kids and all that like, as I'm moving so fast, I didn't even have everything dialed up for it said thing were to happen with. Oh, because I'm, I'm out here. I'm just roaming. I'm out here aimlessly living and I'm moving so fast. I've yet to grasp the true concept and reality of responsibility immediately. Let me get my responsibilities in order because if that had have been, it would have been a lot of people with their hands up as to what, how, when fame is great, the lights are great, have a heart, have a heart, have a heart, have a heart and I'm one and one and one. That was in that room with my goddamn wife, my brother, my kids. You look around, you got a lot of friends, you got a lot of people to love you, but then you start to, well, what really matters? That's when my mindset started to change. That's when you go, okay, my approach to just me and working on me, it needs to be different. I've contradicted myself a lot since, you know, y'all want to slow down and make sure I get my family more time I have. That doesn't mean that there can't be more the day to day battle of am I giving enough? Am I guys, you know, how much dad loves you? I'm here. I mean, like, you know, always working to make sure and do more, but is it enough? My work a holic? Okay, but that's not a bad thing because I'm, you love the work. Yes, you do. That's a passion. You get, you got something that you go after every day. That is a driving source for me. I'm not in the business of letting that go, but boy, you better put your hands on these people and make sure you better make sure that you are giving the time that you said you would when you were in that time of solace. Okay. All right. I'm constantly talking to myself. I have these conversations all the time. That's the beauty of taking my little runs, the beauty of working out being in the gym. You talk to yourself. You better talk to yourself. You better have conversations, figure out a yin-yang of good and bad. For me, it was about personal involvement after that accident and still trying, man. It's the biggest battle. It's the big, the biggest battle is just doing right all the time. That's a battle. I know when you're going to get it wrong. That's a battle, man. When I go to a restaurant and they bring out a plate, the waiter say it all the time, don't touch that plate to plate hot. You know what I do, Jay? You know what I say if I touch it, it wasn't hot. It told me not to touch the plate. He said it's hot, but I still got to go and touch the plate anyway. It's a battle. So being okay with understanding that I'm going to lose and win in this battle and this battle is not over until the day I'm in the ground. Because you're not going to get it right. No. You're not going to get it right. And there's people with this idea and his mindset of mentality that you're going to get it right and everything's going to be perfect. It's not. Don't play that perfect game because all you will do is get let down because perfection does not exist. I do firmly stand on that and believe that it doesn't exist, man. You should try your hardest to get things right in moments where you got them wrong. Figure out how to never get them wrong again. That's the that's the world of compromise. That's the world of growth. That's the world of involvement. I mean, I got a teenage daughter. Nobody prepared me for the world of, you know, like you talking about got to get it right. Are we talking enough? Am I loving enough? Am I present? Am I listening? Am I just delegating? Am I parenting? Am I your friend? Am I there's so much? Yeah, so much. Teenage son. Little ones. I mean, my wife, it's a constant battle of energy and as a guy who is an output, right? And I don't complain about that output, but those that I'm taking in from, I just got to I got to make sure that I'm receiving that and that I'm not moving too fast. I'm not making the most of those moments and that's this level of consciousness I did not have before the accident. I was I was a thousand miles per hour and not that I'm not still moving fast, but I look at my peripheral. Yeah, I'm looking at my rear view mirrors, slowing down. I'm stopping. I'm sleeping. You know what I mean? Like I'm there is a difference. I know there's a difference, but it's still a battle. Yeah, it's still a battle. Yeah. I love that you describe it like a battle because what you just described is exactly the practice we have to have every day, which is you have to revisit. How do I get it right today? There isn't a day where now you just get it right from now till the end of time. It's revisiting that every day saying, I'm recommitting to this. I'm going to be a good dad today, right? You don't get to make a decision to be a good dad in 10 years. You have to do today and then you do tomorrow. And and I think that what's what's really interesting. The reason why I asked that question too was because I think memory is such an interesting thing. Sometimes when something big happens to us, we feel the shift that this is going to change how I think. And then all of a sudden when things go back to normality, it can sometimes feel as if it never happened. But it sounds like for you, you've really used it as an anchor. Well, yeah, you've used it. Even when you say like you said, like, I'm going to be a good dad today, right? You can only try your best.


Looking at things with both lenses (01:06:47)

Yeah. To do that. Ultimately, just because you say you're a good dad, don't make your good dad. No, of course not. Just as you say you're a good boss, don't make your good boss. I can say it every day. I can think I'm doing it. But if on the opposite side, if I'm viewed differently, well, that will be because I'm doing something wrong and I'm not aware. What I now do is make sure that I'm looking at things through both lenses. Not a one side at POV. I love that. It's not, it's not just my perception of what I'm doing and how everybody else should see it. Enduring that the way that I try my best to back up the hope of me being perceived is that is why putting the true work into being there. Making sure that I'm really engaged with the other people. Making sure that there's a rapport, that there's energy. And the wife and kids, the same thing. Making sure that there's a rapport, that there's, I'm asking the questions and I'm getting the answers, but I'm asking for things so I can get the proper feedback, sort of, if I do need to adjust or if I do need to fix, at least I'm aware. Operating with the assumption that you are or that you're doing, it can be a crutch. It can be a bad thing if I'm operating with the assumption because one day you'll wake up and they'll go, "I never liked when, or what acted as a problem for me for all these years was when you," and then you just go, "I never knew. You never said nothing." And sometimes people don't want to say anything. Sometimes people don't know how to say anything. So the world of dialogue, communication and just openness is what I think I've gotten better at over the time. But once again, it's a constant space of improvement. You're constantly trying to improve. Yeah. And that is the only way it can be. There is no other alternative. And there's a beautiful conversation between the Buddha and a student that I love and the student approaches the Buddha and says, "What's the difference between I like you and I love you?" And the Buddha says, "When you like a flower, you simply pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it every day." And I'm like, "That, to me, is what you're describing that when I love my kids, I have to be trying every day to understand from their point of view. The flower is going to show you whether you're watering or not. It's going to die. It's going to wilt. It's going to not bloom or whatever it may be. And I feel like you've got to be so in tune with yourself and someone else in order to sense that. But I know what you're saying is so true. And I really do recommend this to anyone who's a big fan of Kevin's as I am. Please do go listen to the audio book because monsters and how to tame them. I mean, I have never heard someone be as open and transparent as you are in it. And you're so open about all your flaws. And there's one thing that you say here that again, just I was like, I have to talk to you about this because it was just, it stuck with me. And you talk about it and you say, you know, and you're just talking about the fame. And that's where the idea came for you. You're just talking about how fame makes you feel invincible. And then when you talk about getting caught cheating and you're like, I was in that frame of mind where I was like, it can't happen to me. Right? It's not possible. And then you open up on it. So raw. And in my head, I'm thinking, what is it about the monster that gets you to do things even that are against your own values?


You gotta learn it (01:10:16)

Right? Like the monster gets so strong that you go as far as that. And when you get caught, you go, that was an awakening, but it still doesn't wake you up fully. Right? There's there's a limitation to walk us through that. Well, I mean, look, you're talking about fame. You're talking about power, right? And that idea of invincible. Once again, this is a this is a thing that a very small percentage of people are going to be able to experience or understand, right? And it's very easy from the outside looking in to go, or how, or I don't believe or how can, right? But from the other side, not that it's right. First of all, wrong is wrong. You're never going to hear me try to justify or excuse. Wrong is wrong. But in being wrong, sometimes comes with world of situation, the world of opportunity, right? If you constantly around bad apples, and you hungry, and people keep saying don't eat these apples, some people are going to be able to hold off. You do have some people that are going to pick up that apple and bite it. It's not right. It's not something that's justifiable to some. What's the worst is going to happen? I'm going to eat it and then what I'll probably be sick for a second, and I'll throw up it, then I'll be fine. Well, that apple killed you. But you're, we have looking at it, and that moment, I'll be fine. The idea that comes with that level of success and that comes with opportunity based on situation is one that you look at is, I'll be fine. It's easy. It's something with it. It's not to your hands in the pot and you get burned or caught or whatever, you know, that you got to sit down and then you got to think about it. You got to look at it and then you realize the layers that are attached to it. And that's when the life-changing side of thought happens, right? And then it becomes about you on how you look at yourself, how do you view yourself and what do you expect from yourself, right? It's not, it's bigger than just the partner, of course, that you want to respect. It's also about you and how you want to be viewed at that point. Like what, what's important, where, where are you at? Where are you at with, with you? And that mirror, you get to look into that mirror, you know, if you are right, what you're looking at and you're fine, flawing and all right. Yeah. Getting older, put you in a position to where you just start to look at yourself and you're talking about the complete finished product that is and will be you. Those are the moments that you just got to do your best to not only overcome but just get by. And, and you know, once again, it's a battle, right? Marriage, love, you got to learn it. And at a young age, when you're embedded into it, you're not going to get it, right? You got to learn it. It's unfortunate how the lessons come from whichever side, however it happens, but when learned or when taking as serious as it can be, of course, you reap the benefits and you see how amazing it is. But, you know, I wasn't that smart and I'm not going to act as if I was. And that's from my first marriage to that. It's, is it hard forgiving yourself or is it hard to ask for forgiveness? I think it's, I can be harder myself. I can stand in the fire, having another person do it. That's where it gets tough, right? Like, you throw rocks at me all day. When the other person is in there, I think that's, that's the different level. And the mistakes that I've made in my life, the biggest side of consequence has always been the effect that it had on others. I'll figure it out and do my best to evolve and grow. And however that has to happen with me, but I can't dictate how you would receive and how you would handle or how you would do. So, you know, watching other people hurt doesn't ever good. I think that would be ever the toughest side of it. Yeah. Right. That's a really thoughtful answer, man. Yeah. I feel like that's that genuine, compassionate heart saying, I know I can figure my way out. But why would I put someone in a situation where they have to figure it out for themselves? It was, someone was reading me a quote the other day and it was like saying how, I think it was Nietzsche who was saying, I wish pain and suffering on anyone because that's what helps them grow. And I was like, hold up a second. Yeah. I was like, I would not wish.


Would you wish pain and suffering for anyone? (01:15:12)

Jesus. I was like, yeah, it was someone ready out to me. And I was like, I was like, I can't subscribe to that. I was like, that's a lot. It was a lot. I was like, I can't, you can't wish pain and suffering on anyone because even though we know you grow through tough things and you've grown through so many tough things that were not your choice. And then some things that were your choice. But we shouldn't expect that other people can navigate those situations. You know, it's good when you say like, you know, the choices that you make, right? Yeah. And because of our times today, the world of what one does or has done is amplified. Because we're in a position where everybody can have an opinion and there's a space to voice that opinion, right? I'm going to dumb it down and I'm going to go to the lowest level right now. When people do some of the dumbest mistakes from crime, death, infidelity, cheating, all of the go, go all around. Who has vetted out the consequences? Nobody has sat and vetted out the consequences, right? Everybody that's robbed a bank has attempted to rob a bank because they found it to be a very easy thing. And I'm going here 12 o'clock, Batman, going break. He going break. I'm going there. And while he on break, I'm going to get the money and then we're going to come out. All we got to do is get back before he get back from lunch. And we got it. And they go in, robbed a bank. Your alarms go off. It ain't blow up on the money. They don't know nothing. They didn't know. They hit locked up and they say something crazy like, yo, I ain't want I mean to do this. And the world goes, what you mean? I mean to do it. You robbed the bank. No, some people are that some thoughts. Yeah. Are that simplistic? Yes. Yes. Some actions are just that stupid and they're not thought out, but everything is not that deep. Everything to not have that many layers to the mistake when a mistake happened. I'm grounded in the world of reality. Everything that I have done in my mind, I attached a piece of logic and made it make sense to me. Yeah, that's it. You can make anything make sense to you. If you wanted to, it sometimes is not until consequences present themselves, that you realize the idiotic way to thinking or the idiotic approach to what you feel you can do, the bigger than the world like mentality. Humbling is something that has to happen. You can either welcome it or not, but we're all privy to it. Minds is counting and different doses shapes and sizes, man. But I just don't, I don't want to say I don't like, I think the thing they're like, it just, you have to shake your head. It's not even worth the battle and conversation. It's simple. Yeah, it's not, yeah, it's not deeply thought through. It's just not deep. We thought through, I was watching Biden and there's a clip of Biden, but Biden says, and this is, I probably watched this clip. I'm not in the politics at all, but this, I, Biden goes, I got something important. I want to say in the whole world needs to hear it. I need everybody to listen right now. And he takes a beat. He goes, and I forget it. The president of the United States, nobody didn't mean to do that. Biden didn't go up there and say, I'm going to set up for the best joke in the world. And in the middle of it, go, you're going to send me that clip. Yeah, I haven't seen that. I'll show it to you. Yeah, you're going to show it to me. I say it to say it was, it's something later that he went and watched. God, I'm sorry. Yeah. He apologized. I'm sorry. I know, I know. I know guys, I don't know. I'm sorry. Like, he didn't mean it. Yeah. He didn't plan it. I hope, I hope my way of making my point make sense. Yeah, it makes sense. I hope that I'm articulating this correctly. I'm saying that there's no excuses. There should never be any excuses. Yeah. Wrong is wrong. Problems are forever. I'm saying that I don't like it when people tell you how you thought about something. And you go, wasn't that I didn't even it wasn't that. Nope. I just, I kind of just, I just walked down there. I didn't even know that it was. Yeah. Do you think you just walked? Yeah. Did you get out the bed? Did you put on those boots on purpose? Yeah. Nope. I just, that's actually no. I didn't. That's not what I did. It's like, I don't like that. Yeah. Some thoughts are not that deep in that layer. Yeah. That's, that's the difference I've found between being critical and being a critical thinker. Everyone's critical today where it's just, we try and find the floor on what you're encouraging through this book, through your work and what we're encouraging here on this platform is critical thinking. Let's be open to the fact it could be really basic.


Critical thinking (01:20:50)

It could be really deep. It could be somewhere in between. And most likely you have no idea because you're not that person, right? You didn't do that. You didn't have to live through that. It's a very slippery slope to go down when you talk about it because like I said, you're in a time where everybody knows everything. Everybody's the smartest person in the room today. Yeah. And I said, that's an amazing thing to me. Like everybody's right all the time. Yeah. You tell them me nobody's wrong today. You get that two, three, four, six, x, y, z. Yeah. Everybody, do you understand where in the time where everybody's right? Everybody knows everything. Everybody is the smartest person in the world. I call them the best coaches that have never won a championship. People don't think about that enough. Yeah, the coaches in the stands. I mean, it's something that we're eventually going to have to get out of. The road of anxiety in mental health is at the highest level just that it's ever been. It's on the front page. I wasn't aware of mental health at the level that it is, pre-pandemic. I had no idea that existed at the level and that so many people suffered. I had no idea about the battles of real depression or real day to day. I had no idea. But what that time did, it put it on the forefront and you get to see how people are truly battling, battling on a day to day based off a perception, doubt, and how they feel based off of what I think you think. That's a scary thing. It's a scary thing. It's a scary thing. I can only be transparent and authentic in hopes that people will find it is what it is, man. Be you, unapologetically, and as you are correcting or fixing or evolving in you, understanding you got a dope thing to look back at and that's the old you versus the new attempt in who you are trying to be. That to me is beautiful. Every piece of art that I look at, that I love, that I embrace, there's nothing better than looking at it from the start. What did the start out as? Every house that gets built, what did the start out as? Every car that gets built, what did the start out as? Clothes that we wear, what was the design in the beginning? Everything has stages of growth. Why in today's time are we forgetting that? Why are we forgetting that and expecting an immediate space of perfection? I didn't know the babies come out the womb and know it all off the back. I thought they have to be taught. The way that we're talking today, that's tough. It's tough. So I try my best to remove myself from as much as I can. I try myself to act as an aid for laughter, happiness, joy. I can only hope that the conversation attached to my name will be one of good. I can't control it. If it is great, man, if it isn't, I try it. That's where I'm at. That's what my mindset is today, Jay. When I listened to your audiobook, which I felt was a very intimate take on you as a human, not as an entertainer, I can honestly say that I walked away from it saying to my friends and people that I speak to going, "You know what? Kevin didn't have to do that." That's how I felt when I listened to it. I was like, "Kevin didn't have to do that. He's successful. He's winning. He's great at what he does. He didn't have to create anything to talk about his flaws. You just didn't have to do that." To me, that's why I respect and admire you, because when I heard that, I was like, "Well, if he's happy to go there and he's happy to talk about how these monsters never die, and he's happy to talk about how he's still dealing with them, I find it to be some of your most meaningful work, at least in the work I do, of course, and I don't want to feed you approval months to read them. I really feel that way. I really feel that way." There's a place that you get to in life, right, when you start to... You start like, "What did I do?" What did I do? It doesn't mean you healed the world or you changed world, created this. I'm not saying it for those answers, but for you, the question was, "What did I do?" I'm at a place where outside of the success and the fame was, "What am I doing?"


The Reality Of Fame

There is no handbook to fame (01:25:27)

The information that I now have the opportunity to give, if nothing else, the information. If you really want to have impact, you want to try to position yourself to help create the opportunities for change, financial literacy in the Black community, not understanding banking, having known it. My alignment would chase and, well, JP Morgan, but my why? There's a why attached to it. Okay, this is a reason. I got something bigger than my famous success. Okay, this is a passion and something that we're trying to correct. Okay, in the space of inspiration, motivation, there's a passion attached to me trying to simply inspire and motivate those that just simply aren't getting motivating messages on a day to day, because some households just don't do it. Some may not have the households that do it. I didn't grow up in a mom and dad, the dinner every night, the family prayer at the table. I didn't have that. That's not my life. There's other people that do have it. There's some people that just, them and their mom, them and their dad. Some people don't have anybody. Whatever that thing is, you don't know who's pulling from what to try to get to where. We have no idea. So if I can now act as a aide that is giving you nothing but verbal warfare attached to truth and authenticity, if I'm giving you an adult in gyms that are attached to a real life concept, like this isn't, it's not made up. I'm giving you simple information based off of me and my battles. I just told you there's no handbook for fame. Getting still, I'm giving you in some way, shape or form, something that can be camouflaged as an example of how I had to handle a just deal. I have an opportunity to have an on season and off season. My on season is movies, maybe a stand up comedy tour, maybe not. My off season, I can go and I can be a speaker at, I can talk to companies about, I can go to said conventions and give X, Y and Z that's used to simply amplify, motivate and inspire. Whatever those things are, once again, I'm creating another door attached to a piece of passion that I discovered. I discovered this. I didn't set out to do it. I discovered it. And those that I see doing it, you know, when Will right now, Will Smith, a good friend of mine, you know, Will's book had a tremendous amount of success. Will sold a million books. It's not just because of the Will Smith factor. Will Smith is telling you the truth. Hey, man, you guys got the glitz and glamour of gold from the perception that I gave you without ever really pulling the veil back to show you everything else that was back here. I can't hold it no more. I was in this business for 30 years or whatever. I cannot. I don't want to get to that point. So I do it all the time. He's still going, you're still working. But I promise you, there's a person that will listen to this, that will understand it, and that will go, you know what, man, you shouldn't be afraid to be who you are. If I can embody and embed the space of confidence for others, to make people understand how dope it is to simply believe that you can do whatever you put your mind to. If I can help and just give you that push, I did my part. Self-confidence and belief. That's how dreams get met. Self-confidence and belief. That's how you check off goals. That's how you march towards whatever your versions of success are. With a sprinkle of that humility. That's it? Yeah. Kevin, it has been such a joy talking to you today, man. We end with five boss questions. These have to be answered in one sentence. Five hundred and forty-three pounds. One sentence. One sentence only for each answer. All right, Kevin Hart, these are your final five. Question one, what is the best advice you've ever received?


Final Thoughts From Kevin

Kevin on Final Five (01:29:56)

Don't be local. Chris Rock. Do not be a local comedian. Love that. Make the world laugh. Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever received or heard? Worst advice I've ever received or heard is sometimes you got to make a studio respect you. You said, don't give long answers after so I'll summarize it. I want to know. Yeah. I want to know. It was based off of, you know, after you get to a place in acting where you become number one on the call sheet, if a studio isn't doing things to your liking, well, you know, sometimes you got to not show up. And the reason why I say this to words advice that I've ever received, I'm a straightforward businessman and always have been. And the root of negotiation can be simplified. It doesn't have to be the game of back and forth and true war, right? So being in a room and having a face-to-face conversation with foundation of understanding of what you want versus what I want, you can succeed a lot more. And I've never not done that. Yeah. All opportunities, all business, all relationships have flourished because of an understanding of communication that I've done in the room, whether it be my team, studio, studio, me, my team. That, that to me has allowed me to achieve much more success than allowing other people to talk for me and other things to be long gated and go on and on. And you end up with a perception that's not of you. Yeah. That's created based off of the idea of what people think you are because of the way that you've handled business. And what's great about that is it breaks the pattern so that other talent don't get that same advice. Absolutely. So that then it keeps perpetuating the pattern. And now 25 years from now, your kids are having to deal with it because that was the pattern that you continued and said. Oh, yeah, I love that. Question number three, how would you define your current purpose? My current purpose is about embracing the world of we and making the we bigger than the idea of me. And that's that's for anybody in the position of, you know, whatever your version of star success is, it's embracing the world of we, making other people feel like they can, creating opportunities, you know, changing the economy by, by broadening your businesses and more jobs, more opportunities, et cetera, we, right? More, Father, how do we have more success? More wins. Question number four, what's something you used to value that you don't value anymore? The world of approval that you can't control. I can't control what the world thinks or what people thinks. And I thought that I could. I thought that I could do everything to show you that I'm a good guy, nice guy, trying to do that because that's naturally what you are, who you are, and you want people to know that, but you can't control that. Like, you can't control it. So one thing that I do not need is the idea or understanding that everybody loves you. Yeah. Right. I don't, I don't need that. And once upon a time, I thought that I did, there was a fear of what people don't like me. What, what I do, I didn't do it. And that's not, that's not the case anymore. That's incredible. All right. Fifth, the final question we asked is to every guest, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Practice which you preach. That's a great law. Very simple. Yeah. Practice. Be a definition of what you preach. Right? Like, it's easy, it's easy to have words. It's easy to say. It's hard to do. Yeah. I would love to see a world of more doers and sayers. Everyone, Kevin Hart, I know you already watched the movies already watched the specials, keep doing that. But please do not miss out on what's going on inside the mind of this human and don't miss out on everything else that's happening around building this mindset of we. I wanted to show Kevin a lot of love from our on purpose community. Please tag us on whatever social media platform you use, sharing the greatest moments, insights, nuggets of wisdom from Kevin. There were so many great gems that he dropped today. I want to make sure that you screenshot the episode, share it everywhere that you share, and make sure that we see that because I love seeing the ideas that resonate with you, that stick with you. But most importantly, the ones you apply, the ones you practice, the ones you put into your own reality and start seeing changes in your life. Kevin, thank you for being such a generous guest, such a present guest. I felt every question I've asked you, I felt your presence, I felt your energy and you've just brought it tonight, man. And I'm so grateful to you. And that was so special and beautiful. I hope you'll come back. Hey, man. I want to say thank you. And you've created such an amazing environment of comfort to your community. And you just speaking to your community way that you do, you built something amazing. And when I'm talking about being in the space of trying to motivate, inspire, or push however I can, you do it now on a daily. People come here and they're leaving with a sense of feel good. So congrats again, man. But I hope you truly understand the real work that you're doing and that you've done. And the guests that you get here, they come here for a reason because we too are listening to you. And we're taking away anecdotes. Your mindset, your perspective, as a man watching you, as a husband, with your kids, we pull from that. You find energy and motivation to seeing people do it correctly. So please continue to be the example that you are and put your life on display at the level you do, man. The right people are watching. And I hope that you continue to get the response that you're doing. Well, I'm going to keep coming to you when I need help too. So just, just, just, just know that. But I appreciate it coming from you, man. Very empowering, honestly. Very empowering. I mean, I mean, I mean, every word, man. If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here. I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book Think Like A Monk from ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com. Check below in the description to make sure you order today.


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