KHLOE KARDASHIAN'S EYE OPENING Speech On How To MANIFEST ABUNDANCE! | Jay Shetty | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "KHLOE KARDASHIAN'S EYE OPENING Speech On How To MANIFEST ABUNDANCE! | Jay Shetty".
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They want to tell you when to stop hurting, and that's not anybody's place to tell you when to stop hurting. It's, and everybody has a different lifespan of pain. - One of the things you said to me that stood out in one of our DM conversations was you said, "Imagine if everyone in the world was 5% kinder." And that stuck with me. I was just like, "Wow, like, yeah, imagine if everyone was just 5% kinder, like you weren't talking about, or let's make everyone in the world super kind." And you know, tell me what that means to you and like, what made you say that and where that came from?
Personal Growth And Relationships
Every little gesture counts (00:29)
- Well, I feel, I don't know if it's the older I get, or the more accessible I am to so many people because of social media nowadays, and just the technologies in our hand, it just feels really heavy. The world feels really heavy and depressing. And if you read statistics from mental health, bullying, violence, everything is escalated. And I think we're too exposed to too many avenues of people. And too many ways for people to connect with us. And we are all made up of energy. And when people either take too much from you, it is a ripple effect. And sometimes if someone projected negativity onto you, you just instinctively will project it back to them, or as a defense mechanism to somebody else. And it's also not fair to misdirect that energy because it is a ripple effect and it goes to other people. But if we were to be a little more self-aware, and when someone is mean or negative to us, instead of us being combative back, if we were just like, why are you hurting? Or just even like, okay, I just took it instead of having your ego involved, where you have to shout louder. If you just took it, that's even just being kind. I'm not saying people have to go by roses for everyone or whatever, but even opening a door, smiling at someone, you don't even have to talk. It's a universal language that everybody understands. That would give a ripple effect, or even the karma back to you, that you're gonna receive a little bit more kindness that day. I think it's highly naive of me to say 50%, or let's, oh, I want everyone to think that they're surrounded by glitter and unicorns, that's just not reality. It is, and it's also cool when life gets heavy too, to see how you can manage and filter through it. But that doesn't mean we still have to be horrible people to one another. - Yeah, no, I love that. I love what you're saying, because I think we also, and you touched on this, we think being kind means these big gestures, or like having to save the world, or doing something really colossal, like it has to be big and expansive. But you're right that we forget and we underestimate how much just a smile, a kind word, a kind message, or thinking of someone can just chain someone's day. And I love those simple things, because I think that those are things anyone can do, and those are things everyone can appreciate.
Being human is enough (02:46)
- Whenever I have a waitress or someone, they are busting their butts to work, and they're cleaning tables, and they're serving you. It's a beautiful thing. And instead of just, you don't even look up at them, if you just look at them, stare them in their eyes, and say, "Thank you," or, "You can tell that people are so rude to people in any service industry, because they almost get shocked, like that someone's staring directly at me." - And as a human, you never wanna feel that you're invisible, or that people are looking past you, you want people to look at you. And even just that alone, that makes someone's day, and if someone was having a bad day, or feeling like, "Man, I can't get by, I'm working my ass off, and I'm still, people are just mean to me." It depresses them more. Like it's like, just look at someone, "Hey, how are you? Thank you so much." Like, that's it. A busboy, anything, I think we all take for granted how hard everybody works, no matter what your job is, it's still a job. And just a little smile, or a little, hope you're having a nice day, like something so simple, it does nothing for you. Like, why does that hurt you? Just do it. And it could really change their entire day. - I remember a huge mistake that I used to make, like this was something that I wish I never did, but I did, and I, is, I literally used to walk into ubers, or a lifts, and I'd be on my phone, and I wouldn't say anything. Because, you know, you've already programmed where you wanna go. - Right. - So you don't need to talk to the person if you don't wanna, and I would just walk in, I wouldn't even say hello. And I wouldn't say hello, I wouldn't say how's your day, I wouldn't greet them, and it took one driver to actually not start driving for like three minutes, and he was like, hello, how are you? - Oh, wow. - And I probably even missed it the first time, and the second time he was like, hello, how are you? And he kept asking me, and it wasn't been like the third or the fourth time that I registered, because I was so busy. - Wow. - And I was just like, oh, wait a minute, and he was just like, yeah, I just wanted to have it, just ask how you were. And it just took me to that, where I was like, I can even just, just saying hello. Now, I'm not saying you need to get into a big life story. - Totally. - We were a life driver, but the point being that I think it's-- - There's still humans. - Correct. - Correct, yeah. - And I think because of our phones, and we're so busy, but remember, we all operated before our phones somehow. So life goes on. - Do you remember that though? - I do, and I miss that time. I do feel bad for like my little sisters, who I don't think will ever, I don't think they ever knew that time, 'cause they were too young, they didn't, they wouldn't have a phone at that age anyway. But we forget that we're all humans, and I also, yes, of course we don't wanna, like sometimes we're just tired and we don't wanna talk. I get it, but I also, just by, you, most people can be room readers, so if you go in the car like, hey, how are you? Like, and that's kind of it. If you even just, if they keep engaging, you're not being rude, you could still kind of just give short answers, and hopefully they'll kind of get the clue, and stop talking to you. And if not, you know, maybe they just need someone to talk to you. - Yeah, definitely not encouraging anyone to get into a life story conversation. Just be human, I think you put it best. - Yeah, be human. We talk a lot about self-care, self-worth in our conversations. I see you post these amazing stories, and that's how I actually found out, I remember once you posted one of my videos, and I was just like, oh, wow, like I just felt very humbled and touched, and but you share so many other people's, and I think you do such a great job of encouraging creators like myself as well, in sharing that. And not just me, and I know you share plenty of other creators as well, which is so beautiful. And when I started to see that, and I see that on your stories all the time, like is it a true statement, right? Is it a true or a true statement? And I love that, and I've commented back so many times and said, oh, I'm really glad you posted that, whatever. When did you kind of get to that space in your life where that became a priority? Like when did you come to that, and you were just like, my self-care, and this journey of self-reflection are important to me now. Like when did you get to this space of everything you're sharing now? - Well, I've always been a writer, I write a lot, and I journal. I write a lot mainly for myself, and then I love it. It's so therapeutic. I did a lot when I, especially when I was going through my divorce specifically, and it was so therapeutic for me. You're just even able, it's like a release, and sometimes when you write something, you either see how important it is or how silly it is to you at the same time, but it's out of your system, and you could burn it, do whatever. And then I used to write, I would post a quote, and then write a large caption. And it's before I had as many followers, and some people would tear it apart so much that they took out the real meaning of it, and they would make it into whatever they were feeling. And it wasn't what I was feeling. So I just chose to stop doing that as much, 'cause it kind of ruined it. Or the blogs would create things, I'm like, "But that you took the beauty out of it, that wasn't what it meant." - Right. - But not everybody is as deep or as, they just want it to be salacious and something way worse than it is. But I also started seeing how much people were craving some sort of guidance, if you will, and not that I'm that person to go to, 'cause I'm still figuring out my life, we all are. We're still just human beings, and we're gonna make mistakes and love our life, but that's, I'm okay with sharing my failures, because I'm secure enough, and just me being a person, I'm still figuring it out. I don't know what I'm doing every day. But I just realized how much, what a positive reaction I would get when I would post something encouraging to other people. Or I would go on someone, I would go on strangers pages, and just go, "Oh my gosh, I love your freckles." And like, what that would do, I'm like, that's crazy, that just being kind, gets so much positive feedback, that should just be normal. I think we're just used to people bullying each other, and if someone, like, I would never go to someone's page to criticize them, that's just not who I am. I wouldn't waste my time. If I felt something, I'm like, "Oh, why don't I even think that about the stranger? Who am I?" I would go to someone's page to encourage an uplift. But I think in today's day, we're so used to people going to pages to be these computer bullies, and let's just talk about people. But, I mean, they're really struggling in their own life, and that's the only reason why they're acting out like that, is because they're feeling that about themselves, or whatever, and they're just trying to project it to somebody else. - Yeah, and I love how that, what you just said now, it's almost like it transforms your feeling towards them and kindness, too, because you start recognizing where they're coming from, or they're going through to make them that way.
- I think it's just created, it's interesting. In the world that we are in, it's either the more you're exposed to, you see a lot more negativity, and it's disturbing and disgusting to me, but instead of me becoming bitter and evil about it, I've chosen to become more self-aware, and I have more empathy for people, and I never wanna change that. I think if anything, it's given me more empathy, 'cause I'm like, oh, I feel really bad for you. - Yes. - And I feel bad that you can't also understand that I'm just living my life, I'm not perfect. I am doing what you're doing every single, we're just trying to figure it all out, but if we're all a little more understanding and kind to one another, it would make our trials, tribulations, ups and downs, that much easier. - Yeah, I love that you've always been journaling. I think that's such a great practice, and I love that because I've recommended to so many people that I've worked with to journal and read it back themselves, and you're so right that sometimes you read your feelings back to yourself and you cry, and there are sometimes you've read your feelings back to yourself and you laugh, because you're just like, what really? - Oh, right, you're like, that's what I'm upset about? - Yeah. - Like, that is so petty in today's world, and we all have to also be kind to ourselves and realize that I hate when people say, what do you have to worry about? You have all this money or whatever. Oh, so money means you don't have problems, and I don't care who you are, problems are problems. In your world, I might, you might walk a day in my shoes and be like, I don't want those issues, or I might walk a day in your shoes and be like, wow, everything's beautiful, but you might see what I thought was beauty as you're not happy and satisfied with that and you still want more or maybe you want less. Those are all okay feelings, that's why we each have our own lives. But to attack somebody else for what is considered their problems, I just find really counterproductive, and that's not motivating yourself. If you want a lot of money, go out there and get it, I believe in you, I'm applauding you, but when people, I think journaling is so good, especially when it's private, because for me, personally, it's something I get to write down and I don't feel judged, but I'm allowed to criticize myself because it's my journey and I know the day one to the last day that I've taken those steps. So I'm allowed to critique and be like, you know what, Chloe, you're way past this, you don't need to harp on things like this. I think it's healthy. And even if you read it back and you're just laughing at yourself, I think that's also a great form of therapy. - Yeah, 100%. What's the most powerful or meaningful journal entry you ever wrote that was really transformative for you? - Huh. - I'm fascinated. - It's a good question. You know, sometimes I write and I don't even know what I'm saying. - Right. - Like sometimes I'm just like, it's like words and then it turns into something and I never even knew that was a thing, but I was like, you know, I'm just compelled to write and I would just start scribbling and it might be literally talking about my day and then it goes into maybe like something to do with like, why did this happen? Like you're just like, 'cause your mind wanders. I know you meditate, I'm not, I pray. I'm not great at meditating and sitting at my mind wanders too much. So I, when I pray, my prayer is a very conversational and I realize it's kind of how I journal as well. It's more of a conversation, but I'm talking almost to myself, which might be a little insane, but. - No, no, no, no. I think the most important meeting we have is with ourselves. - I guess so. - So I think it's great. Yeah, no, it makes sense. I love that because for me, meditation's a prayer too. And I think that's what's so beautiful about it, that it is a conversation, it is an exchange. And often one of the things that I would do is, I would, in my meditation or prayer, I would ask a question. And it's not about trying to find the answer, it's about sincerely asking the question, right? Can you really ask a question with sincere intent, with a genuine feeling of like, I really wanna understand this. And when you ask it with that, then of course it becomes a conversation because there's a response and you're right, sometimes it's from within, sometimes it's from someone you have a conversation with that day, it comes from absolutely anywhere. And I love that, I think prayer is so important. And like you said, even if it's just a conversation with yourself, God, the universe, whatever you work with, it's a beautiful practice to have. - I don't care what anybody else believes, I believe in God, I'm not judging whoever, believes in, I do believe everybody should have a faith in something.
Why journaling/praying is important for Chloe now (13:33)
It centers us, it holds us accountable for our actions every day. And so my faith is in God, I'm Christian, and I wake up every morning early intentionally so I have a beautiful view and I open my windows and I just look and I pray of, and I always start my day with gratitude because I think that transcends through the rest of my day. And not that we can control every emotion, but I like to, even if I, sometimes you just wake up and you're either melancholy or you're just kind of grumpy. But even if I am, I try to convince myself, this is a great day. Look how blessed you are, like everything's beautiful. We take our health for granted, like we're healthy. Like I just try to have a conversation with myself and if I am having a grumpy day, it normally turns it around normally. We all have those moments where it doesn't. - We've intersected some of our mornings. I think some of our conversations have been in the morning and what do you have, is that gratitude practice that you have is just talking to yourself. Like that's what it is for you. It's just almost like guiding yourself to be grateful in the morning. - Right. - Yeah. - And that's new. I've always prayed, but it used to be just at night and over the past couple of years, I've decided like, you know what? I want to start my day like this too. I think 'cause it's, I used to just be so busy. I'm still busy, but like I would never take that time. And yes, I have to wake up earlier, but it's changes my whole, just the momentum of my day. So I wake up earlier and make it an effort. You make time for the things you want to do. - 100%. - And you know, I make that something I want to do. It gives me such a better, lighter energy throughout the day. And I just, it's important. I think we all have ups and downs and we all going through rough patches. So not every day I've felt compelled to do it, but I've started doing it maybe like four years ago and I love it. It's more, it's increased over the past year significantly where you probably would do it every now and then. And now I do it religiously, I would say, for the past year.
Sharing imperfectly is more real (15:44)
- That's beautiful. Thanks for sharing that as well. I love finding out about these things because I think so many of us don't get a space to share this. And that's one of the reasons why I wanted to do this was I'm happy that we're learning this about you, and I'm learning this about you. I love what you said about figuring things out because I actually think when we're sharing, when we're figuring things out, they're more relevant. It's almost like when you figure something out perfectly and then you teach it, it kind of doesn't feel as real to everyone who's learning. But like you said, like when you're trying to navigate life and you're making mistakes and you're failing and that's the same with me, like I'm always sharing that. Everything I'm sharing in my videos is stuff that I've been through and I'm working through and figuring out what's something you're trying to figure out right now.
How Khloé has been so self-aware (16:18)
Like what's something that you've been reflecting along right now? - Goodness. My life, no. You know, there's nothing specifically I can pinpoint. I absolutely love being a mom. It's one of my favorite things. And you know, I've read well about under a year, I would say about eight months ago, I went into, I've had a breakup. And so figuring out, I think people are so good at distracting. And I've really chosen to not distract myself or to try to not distract myself. Maybe people can say true would be a distraction, but if anything, she's a healthy distraction. And I love, like I haven't jumped into dating. I don't care to date right now. I'm not in a rush for it. I feel so good in my life. And I don't really need much else. And so something that I'm focusing on is just making sure that I process everything. I think, especially in my family, we're good at moving on. Like we're, we have very big forgiving hearts. We just move on, but we don't really talk about things that happened. And I don't really know if that's healthy or not. And so for what I went through with my breakup, I forgive Tristan. I don't think he's a bad person. I think we all make mistakes. We're humans, but it's only going to hurt me if I'm holding on to this anger and playing this victim role. I don't believe in being a victim. I believe in, okay, this happened to me. Let's figure it out. Let's push through it. And maybe if I'm open and honest about it, it can help other people feel like it's okay. We're all human. We're all going to get through things. But you also can't condemn somebody else for just either sinning differently than you did.
Tristan and Khloe (18:11)
Or I just feel like we're all, we're all so quick to, you know, exile people. And it's just so heavy to me. And so something that I'm just focusing on is making sure I'm healed from that, or as much as I can and try to understand it as much as I can. And then don't distract myself right now. And so I just try to have a lot of me time in the mornings. And that's where I kind of filter through that, I think. - Hearing that's beautiful. - Oh, thank you. - Yeah, I know, just listening to you say that, I was like, wow, like what a beautiful place to be in. - Thank you. I feel really good. Like I feel-- - Yeah, I can hear that. - I do, I'm proud of myself 'cause I think so many people, it's natural to almost be the victim. It's natural when like, especially when you're on this platform and the whole world is like, oh, I feel so bad for you. It's like, okay, thank you. But this also happened to, I'm sure hundreds of other people before, not saying it's right, I'm just saying, I'm not gonna die, we're all fine. And I wanna show my daughter that it's okay and it's a beautiful thing to also forgive her. Dad, he's a great person. It's, you know, maybe him and I weren't compatible or whatever on that way, but that's okay. Like nobody's gonna die here. And I always want true to be surrounded by love. And I know babies feel energy, we feel energy. And I just want her to always feel just bliss as much as I can. - That's so incredible. - I know it's not realistic every day, but as much as I can control it, I feel like it's my momma bear job to control it. I think so.
Mommaber vibes (19:52)
- Yeah, well, when I'm hearing you say that, I'm feeling the energy of what you're saying. And to me, it sounds like the, you know, I don't think what you're presenting is an ideal impossible. I think what you're presenting is a very real opportunity to say, it's my child. I want her to have this environment. And I'm gonna work really hard for her to have this environment, whatever that means. - Oh, it's hard. - Yeah, of course it's hard. - It's not easy for me. It's, you know, it would be easier for me to keep my daughter away and be like, "No, 'cause you hurt me." But he never hurt true. Like, you know what I mean? Like him and I have our own relationship and then Tristan and True have theirs. And I will never come in between that. I don't believe in that. But I attest that to my parents were incredible co-parentors from what I know. They brought my mom and my dad, I'm sure, fought all the time, not around us. I would never know my sister Courtney. And my, I like, he's like my brother, Scott, they're incredible co-parentors. And as long as it's not hurting you in any way, like if this was hindering Courtney's growth or if it hinders my growth, then you have to also put yourself first because you are in fact taking care of your children. But if it's not hindering you or hurting you in any way, I think it's important to work on all relationships. - Yeah, I read somebody the other day that kind of, I feel really articulate to what you're saying. It said, letting go is hard, but holding on is harder. And that's the choice almost that we have in these tough situations. And the way you're sharing it is just amazing, by the way.
You're in awe by me (21:25)
Like I'm just-- - Oh, thank you. - Yeah, I mean, I'm in awe. I think it's incredible. - Oh my gosh, thank you. You and awe at me. - No, I mean it. I'm not just saying it. - No, it's so nice. - I mean it because I think, I'm sure there's so many people listening right now who can relate to circumstances in your life, situations in your life that you've been through. We all know that these things happen out there. And I think so many of us hold on for so long. And as we know, like you said, it's hard work. It's not easy. It's not just gonna be plain sailing, but the fact is that you can move in that direction. - You can. And I've been through a lot of things in my past that I think have put me here. I'm not saying, oh, it's so easy. And no, it's hard work. It definitely is. But I think with every relationship I've been in, I've always learned kindness is really kindness and understanding. And also, I've like one reason why I stopped sharing my journaling or my long captions, if you will, is because people only understand from their level of perception as well. And it would infuriate me when my beautiful notes, I'm sure you could understand 'cause you share so much, would be taken in a way that I'm like, that's not at all how I meant for that to be. And so I can't explain something to someone when this is only the level of their understanding and their want to understand. People also have to have the desire to wanna learn more and want to open up their mind. Like, if I'm closed up and if I'm just some bitter person where I live my life, like the world is unjust and why do bad things happen to me, it's like, to me, there's no good, there's no bad. Things happen, it's the energy of the world. How you handle it is then again, another ripple effect from how I think more things are gonna happen to you. But if I'm sitting here like, life sucks, life is so unjust, unfair, all these bad things are happening then, oh my gosh, you're just gonna attract all this heavy stuff. But if I'm like, okay, that was not the best, but I'm gonna figure out why and let me try to move on and still let me not misdirect my energy, let me try to be happy, let me try to still be kind to others as much as you can and you can still hurt, but you should also heal and then be responsible for your hurting and not channel it to other people. I just feel like sometimes we're really irresponsible with our feelings and we have to be responsible as adults, especially adults that are supposed to be guiding kids and like our youth, you have to be a lot more responsible and how we do things. - Yeah, that's so true, I love that by being irresponsible with our feelings, let's explore that a bit because I think that's such a powerful statement in and of itself and this morning, literally this morning I was sharing this reflection that I was having on social media and it was about how it's tough to start communicating with children, but sometimes it's even more tough to communicate with our inner child, right?
We're irresponsible with our feelings" (24:08)
And like while we're trying to grow up and everything and it's like what you're saying that we're irresponsible with all the feelings that we're there and we just move on and we think when we move on you've dealt with it. But that healing that you're talking about is just for me as well, I always felt like I was someone who moved on and I always felt like I was someone who like, oh, I didn't get affected by that. And then I started to see that actually I had behaviors in me that were complete reflections of a past pain, right? Like they were behaviors in me that were reflections of a past guilt. And then I realized that it's not that they just disappeared, it's that they were gonna come out in a different way that was going to hurt future relationships, it was going to hurt present relationships. And for me that's where I started to work through that where I said to see actually what I saw in whatever it was, I'm now reflecting that. Let me look at that behavior and see how that behavior can be healed and transformed. And what's the root of that? Does that make sense? - Completely. And also I think people get confused even when you're like, no, I'm totally over that, I'm healed. You can still talk about things and be healed. You can still draw back on those things and say, it hurt me when, it did hurt you when. But I think sometimes people are like, oh, you're done with that. You're like, why are you talking about this for so long or whatever? And it's like that's also a form of my healing. I hate when other people who have not been through the trauma you have been through any of us 'cause we've all gone through traumas, they want to tell you when to stop hurting. And that's not anybody's place to tell you when to stop hurting. It's, and everybody has a different lifespan of pain, I think. Everybody will deal with things and different. What might be traumatizing to me might be nothing to you. And vice versa, we can't invalidate people's feelings. That's only gonna traumatize them more. And also shame them. I'm so over like the emotional shaming of what people do to other people. People can have their feelings and do what they want as long as they're realistic. You also have to step outside of your own self and be self-aware and say, okay, am I completely delusional? Am I making these? 'Cause you could also, your mind, you can play tricks on and you could start creating a false reality as long as you're being, I think, really authentic and genuine about your feelings. I think it's okay to talk about your pains and traumas. I think, especially if you're doing it in a way that's beneficial to other people. I think that's being responsible. But I think if you're just talking about negative stuff, to talk about negative stuff, you're like, oh my gosh, shut up already. - Yeah, I agree. - You know, there's, it's, I think you just, again, you just have to be responsible. - Yeah, you can't, I love what you said. 'Cause you can't put a deadline on someone else's pain. Right, you can't be the one to invalidate or validate how long someone needs to dissect something or break something down. And I think that's such a great point. And you're right, that I think. - But as long as it's realistic, do you know what I mean? Like some people just care, they just are negative. They just have like a dark cloud over them. 'Cause they've created that cloud. But that's realistically not their reality. You look at them and you're like, what are you talking about? And if it was something from five or 10 years ago, okay babe, we got it. Not that we're putting a deadline on it, but let's start working through it. Let's not sit in the beginning stages of whatever's holding you back. - So it's the balance that you're talking about. It's a balance, it's not either or. - Correct.
Finding the balance (27:54)
- 'Cause you can't just talk about it forever and you're not doing anything about it. - Right. - At the same time, you can't say, I'll get over it today. - Right. - It's that balance. - Like I can't stand people that are like eating a bucket of like Hagen Dass ice cream. They're like, I'm so fat. And like they won't work out, they won't change their diet, they won't drink more water, they won't whatever. But they're complaining, complaining, complaining. I'm like, well, you're always gonna be in this victimized state because you're literally not doing, you're not being self-aware, you're not even looking at your own reflection saying, okay, what can I do to change things about myself? It's everybody else's fault. - And what would you say to someone who's in that situation, whether it's whatever is, whether it's their physical, their emotional, their mental, how do we then talk to that person or coach them with compassion out of that? Like you've done a lot of that work. How do you do that with someone else in the same way as we do with ourselves? Like what would you say to them? - It really does come from within. I think whenever people do things for other people, it's always, you're setting yourself up for failure. I think you really genuinely have to want to change areas of your life. And if you don't, just be happy with who you are. I don't care physically what you look like, your weight, whatever, as long as you're healthy and happy, do you. But I know for me, I was overweight for, like I was unhealthy for a lot of my life. And then when I was like, I just, I started going to the gym during my divorce, like a significant and consistent amount for my mental. I needed a release and I needed to feel strong. And I just needed to get rid of all of these thoughts. And I wanted to be alone. And the only place to really be alone was being on an elliptical with headphones in my ears and kind of just vibing out. And as a side effect, I started losing weight. And I was like, oh, I kind of like this. Like, you know, losing weight. And then became like just some competitive, weird streak in me that it was like, I want to see if I can get arm muscles. I want to see if it started that. But that was never, my goal was never, I want to look good in a bikini. That was never my goal. It was, I just wanted to feel good mentally. And I think when you start putting yourself first, you start feeling so much better. There's not a size close that that you have to fit into. It's just, then you start exploring things like, wow, I like how I feel when I drink more water. I like how I feel when I pray in the morning. And because of that, you start to become happier and lighter. And then you start to want to do more things, be more active, socialize more, whatever it is. - And so many studies now show that even a small amount of exercise a day is so great for the mind and the brain. And I think that's been underestimated for so long.
What gets you started (30:31)
And I know I underestimated that in my life for so long where I was always someone who focused on the mind and kind of neglected the body and like pushed the body to limits. And then I was just like, wait a minute, they're all interconnected. But you can't just say, oh, I'm going to deal with this. I'm not going to deal with this. Actually, when you take care of mind, body and soul, then it starts, then you feel the best version of yourself. - Correct. - And even if, and that's what I love, that even if your first intention for going to the gym or doing anything is wrong, as you do it more, you'll probably come to the right conclusion. - Right. - Right, if you stay consistent with someone, you usually raise your intention. - Completely. I have a TV show called Revenge Body and all the people, it's a show and all these people are from different walks of life and they start with some trauma and they all come on the show like, I want revenge on and it's like, it's a play on words, revenge body. It's not, I don't think the best revenge is a good body. It's just a play on words. But they come on the show, I want revenge on my ex-boyfriend or on my dad or whoever. And I'm always like, okay, I'm like the first interview and then towards the show, they're feeling so, 'cause I think this good body is gonna want, this person's gonna treat them good. It's like how superficial and narcissistic are we, but we are, that's the world we live in. And so towards the end, they never want revenge on the person that starts out with, they want compassion. And they're like, I, or I don't want that boyfriend 'cause I deserve better 'cause I feel better. And the show, they think it's all physical, but what we do, we kind of break them down mentally to self-reflect and look at themselves and figure out what got them here to this place. 'Cause you can't always blame somebody else for why you are the way that you are. You have to be accountable too. And that's something that it means, it's means so much to me that through that show, people get to see that a little bit. That you might start off one way, but that's all about internal at the end of the day. - Yeah, whatever gets you started is usually a good thing because at least it gets you in there. But what I love about what you've just said is that it's just anything that gets us started is a good place to start. But when you're giving someone the power to make you feel beautiful, you've also just given them the power to make you feel ugly, right? And so you're just always giving away your power if you don't upgrade that intention. And I think we see that in every part, whether it's our body, our mind, our intellect, our academics, whatever, all these expectations of others, the more we're looking for someone to say, yes, you're amazing now. It's like you waiting for that statement, you could wait your whole life for it and it can never come. - And it also almost could become an addiction. Like people, they might not be good enough from one person. They need it from thousands in this or whatever, but it's not that, it's because they need to hear it from within, you need to tell yourself, you're beautiful, you're dope, you're so smart, whatever it is, but they don't feel it, they don't believe it. So when people keep telling them, you're such a good person, they don't believe it at all. That's why they keep trying to find validation and empty things. - I love that, that's amazing. You've talked about things that you do, like gratitude, journaling, prayer, what else do you do on a daily basis that you don't negotiate with? You're like, I have to, obviously exercise too. - Work it out. - Yeah, working out. Yeah, that one too. What else is there in your day that you're just like, I can't negotiate with this. Like this has to be something that I must do every day, every week. Or those the-- - Those are pretty much the core. I mean, it's praying and working out, or like my two that I do basically every single day. And like yesterday I did my schedule wrong, or no the day before I did my schedule wrong, so I missed my workout and I was like, oh, like I felt, not, I felt fine. I went along my day, but I just, when I realized that I did my schedule wrong, I was like, oh my God, I'm so bummed. 'Cause what it does, I'm not like, it just clears my head, I feel so good afterwards. So whatever that is for people, it doesn't have to be what your non-negotiables are, or mine, it's just, I think everybody has to have those. There are like, I think they, they fuel me. - Yeah, you talked about working with your family, which I think's fascinating in the first sense, because it's an amazing thing that your constantly surrounded by working with, you know, just in that environment all the time, and you said that you're good at moving on and forgiving each other, which I think is an incredible quality as well. Like, what's that like to deal with every day? And how are you learning more from that experience? Like, what are you learning from that? - I think it's one of the best blessings in the world that I get to say that my job is being with my family every day. When this first started, we were much younger, I think it was 23 or 24. I'm still 23 or 24, I'm just talking how that works. But, yeah, I'm like, what? But it, you know, when you get older, you all have your own families and kids, and not that anything happens, but you normally see your family, holidays not as frequently, we see each other every single day, and I'm honored to be able to do that. Yes, their cause is more fighting or tension, but the thing that I've learned about my family is we are loyal, and we, no matter what disagreement we have, or whatever, we'll always figure it out. We're not a family that's like, I haven't spoke to my sister in seven years. Like, I don't know how people do that. And we are very understanding of each other. And I just think it's a really great dynamic. Like, we're understanding of, if we're all going through something or whatever, we really try to be there for one another, and support them through that. And I just think it's, I think it's important to show our kids about family unity, or to show that two heads are better than one, three are better than two. We're not competitive with one another. And whatever we each want to do, we support each other until the end. And I think today's world, everyone's like in a battle to who's the best, and who's this, and who's that. And when we first started, I remember like interviewers would always say, so like, do you guys go after the same men? Or do you, like, they would always, like our questions would be more, they would almost want us to fight. They didn't, they couldn't stand, that we, it was just really like, no, we just love each other. And I don't know why people love something salacious and twisted rather than beautiful and just kind. Right? No, but I mean, it's true, and it's interesting, but that's, you know, I guess good stories don't sell. That's why. - Yeah. And I think we can change that.
Self-Improvement And Empathy
Help people live to their highest self. (37:12)
Like the reason why I do what I do, and what I really believe in, and why we've connected, and what I love about our connection is, I genuinely believe that if we keep giving people, if we keep shooting for the lowest common denominator for people, then they'll settle for that, right? Like if you only put junk food in front of someone, they're gonna take that and eat that. But if you put healthy food, that maybe looks and tastes like junk food, but that's, you know, really amazing, then most people will switch. - Right. - And I feel the same as true of media, I feel the same as true of stories, I feel the same as true of everything. I believe that people are more beautiful, deeper, and smarter than we believe. And we don't give, we don't always give everyone an opportunity to live to that. And therefore, people with influence, people with responsibility, people with power, can either choose to sell something that shoots the lowest common easy thing to shoot at. And it's easier to sell garbage, quite frankly, it's so much easier. But we are the ones with the influence and the power to say, "No, actually, let's make people "a spy for the hire that we know that's inside of them." - Right, yeah. It's interesting I get so many people will comment negatively when I post almost positive things. I have ups and downs, I have a handful of supportive, handful of, "Oh my gosh, get over yourself," or whatever. And I'm like, "You need this the most." Like it's so, you can tell the people that are really suffering the most, because they're so quick to condemn and to just take the junk food. They just want the bad stuff, they can't handle the good things, and especially when it's consistent, because that's just, I post for me, I don't post for other people. Like I'm like, "This is for me, I need to hear those messages." And if I need to hear it, I'm hoping at least one other person does. And, but it's interesting that you can see right off like the people that are resistant to it, because some people don't, they also don't want to open their mind up to becoming better people, because sometimes your own comfort will restrict you from your own happiness, though, because they're too afraid to step away from their comfort zone. They would rather just be complacent, instead of actually finding like something that really makes them happy and excited about life. - Yeah, and I think I remember being there sometimes too. And so like what you were saying earlier, of like having empathy towards that person, and then praying for them, and hopefully opening the door for them one day, or having, you know, wherever they're gonna find that, because I do believe that the more we have these conversations, publicly, openly, the more these kind of messages circulate, and go viral and get shared, the more people feel the permission, and the reflection to look within themselves. It's almost like if it's not out there, if you've never heard it from your parents, if you've never heard it from your teachers, if you've never heard it from your best friend growing up, or the person you looked up to, it's kind of, a lot of this stuff, we expect people to have self-taught, but it's not. - Right. - It's something you have to hear from someone that you look up to or inspired by, that kind of gets you going. - It's interesting you said, give yourself permission to look inside yourself, and it blows my mind that so many people do feel like they need the permission when you're in control of your own self. But so many people, they wanna be like sheep, they just wanna be told what to do, and let me follow the herd, and that's just, it's mind-blowing to me. - Yeah, yeah, it is. It is, tell me something that you've learned from true, and something you're trying to teach here.
What is beauty? (40:38)
- Oh. - Because so many of us, - Beauty. - Because her energy on-- - Hi, Malika. - Malika's here, that's my best friend. - So nice to see you, thanks for being here. Yeah, nice to meet you, I'll give you a big hug in a moment. Yeah, yeah, later, definitely. But I know that you post so much about her, we've spoken about her, I think her energy radiates straight off the page, my team was speaking about her earlier as well. Like, yeah, what does she talk to you, and what are you trying to teach her? I'm asking this person, I haven't had kids yet, so I'm like, no, she's-- And it's interesting, I never, like, you can feel your child's personality, and like, she's a really good person, she has empathy already for other people, and it sounds crazy that you can know that, but you can. I never really understood that until I had a child. And I've always had patience, I'm good with patience, I've always loved kids, but she gives you a different kind of patience, and when you feel that like you're exhausted and you can't go on with your day, when you're around your own child, you get this surge of energy, and you're just like, oh, I gotta keep going, like, you just figure it out. And so she just gives me, I think, more of a drive, and to stay fit, to stay healthy, 'cause I wanna be an active mom with her, I wanna be here as long as I can. But I would say it's a different type of patience, I think it's a softer patience. And I mean, I've always been goofy, I've always been silly, so my inner child is there, and I will be the first one to play and be wild, and I don't care how I look, like I'm like, I'll be an animal, it doesn't matter. But, I mean, you're just like reliving your childhood again, it's fun. - Yeah, oh, that's awesome. So that's what she's teaching you.
Compassion for your mom (42:30)
- And she's also, she's taught me so much more understanding from my mom. And you just realize that I think when you're a kid, you'd think your parents are superheroes, and they are. But you still have to understand, they're just humans, they're still like, I'm just a person, doctors are just people, we give everybody so much power, and they're allowed to make mistakes, they're allowed to not know what they're doing. My mom didn't have Google, how the hell did she figure things out? Like now me, I'm like, I don't know, can kids have honey? Like, I have no idea, I ask my phone, and I get the answer. Back then, it's like, I have so much more compassion, I think, for my mom, and if when I was a teenager, and I'm like, oh, why'd you do this to me when I was a kid, and whatever, and I'm like, 'cause she didn't know. She had, you know, I feel like you just, I have more understanding and compassion for my mom. - Yeah, absolutely, I love that. We did a podcast about three weeks ago, and it was called Six Reasons Why We Need to Develop The Emotional Skills Our Parents Didn't Have. And one of them was to recognize how hard it is. - Yeah. - And the second one was to build compassion because of how hard it is, and to recognize what you just said, like the ease at which we have information, the more conversations about parenting now, and like, more research that's been done, and you look at parents before, all they had was just what their parents told them, and that was passed down and passed down and passed down. So yeah, that's a beautiful lesson. I'm excited to see what I learned when I have children. - Yeah. - But those are definitely beautiful ones. - It's the best. - Yeah. - It is the best. - Yeah, those are definitely beautiful ones that I can take forward. What is it that's on your mind right now or that when we were talking and we decided to do this, what was there that was in your heart that you were like, "J, I really wanna share this, "I wanna talk about this," that we haven't kind of dived into right now.
Sharing from the heart (44:09)
You're like, there's something on my mind that. - No, I feel like, I mean, I was so excited just to sit with you and to have this natural conversation. I feel like we've touched a lot of topics, and I love that. I didn't want it to be too contrived and about promoting something, I just wanted it to be like a beautiful conversation. So I appreciate that and I feel like, I don't know, is there anything else? Thinking. - No, that was the same for me. My intention was to just, I wanted to hold space to just hear you and let you talk and share because like I said, at the start from any conversation we've had, I just think that your journey of figuring it out, sharing this positive message, that energy is so awesome and I want everyone to experience that. - Thank you. - And that's what my intention was, and I think I've had that today. I'm listening here, listening to you going, I've just learned so many things today. - Oh my gosh, and that's the thing. I think our show is our show and that's a piece of me. I don't blame anything, like on editing, that's who I am, that's one, but that's one layer of who I am. And I don't really get to divulge in this layer of who I am. I mean, I do little bits here or there on Instagram, but sometimes like I said, it's hard 'cause people tear it apart from what they ever, what their level is to perceive something. And sometimes that discourages me from wanting to share because that's not at all what I meant, but when you're able to really vocalize something and have a natural dialogue, it sometimes it's easier to share how you feel. So thank you for giving me this platform to do so. - No, of course, that's, I mean, that's what I love about podcasts in the first place, but also just like, yeah, just being able to dissect the topic for like 30 minutes, 40 minutes, like that's, we need more of that to also understand people better and give people an opportunity, but I'm hoping that we're gonna continue seeing you share your work. I'm hoping that we're gonna see more of your journals. I'm hoping I'm praying that we're gonna see more of that expression. - Thank you. - Because I truly believe it's helping people. And the percentages are always gonna be in your favor because I think the amount of people that are good and seeking good and are starting with good intentions is so much more powerful and stronger and I want you to feel that, so. - Thank you. Well, you're definitely a huge like motivation.
Being a source of encouragement. (46:29)
I know for so many people that I know and it's, I know it's scary and sometimes really daunting and heavy 'cause so many people do, someone like you turn to you 'cause I know the little amount that people turn to me and I'm not some self-help, retired monk, are you a retired monk? - Yeah, former monk. - Former monk, I don't know what the proper term is. - No, no, no, no, no. - But like, I could only imagine how draining it gets for you because people are requiring so much of your energy but keep going 'cause you've helped me in so many ways and just by, remember the first time I ever heard about you someone sent me a YouTube video of you was before I found you on Instagram and I was like, who is this man? He is, you're so moving, you're so genuine and kind with what you're saying and from what I feel non-judgmental and it's just a really amazing trait that you have and I know you're helping a lot of people and you've made me feel like it's okay to share more things and that's why I like to share more other people's stuff because I feel like people, sometimes they get too critical if they think it's just mine and they need to know that it's okay to share love and kindness the way that you do, so thank you. - Yeah and thank you for encouraging people like me, I'm humbled by hearing that from you and it means the world, it really does because there's a beautiful statement that was said by Martin Luther King and he was talking about how those who love peace need to learn to organize themselves as well as those who love war and I think that those of us who are in this mission and purpose of wanting to spread kindness and not just in this positive movement sort of way like real work, real healing, real transformation not just like, let's be happy, not that kind of stuff but let's really do the work, let's really heal. I think it's really encouraging when we work together and we encourage each other and help to build stuff together.
Let's really do the work. (48:12)
- And sometimes people find it so like, oh you guys are just so happy, it's like I'm not happy all the time. I have my moments and I'm still very like, there's things I'm like, oh really I have to do that or whatever, but then I have to also be like, okay no I get to do that, like I have to change my thinking, I have to talk to myself sometimes, so it's not like once you have this mentality you're always in it, it's just a great reminder for ourselves and also just to change your wording from I have to to I get to, like little things like that, if you just try, if you're just aware, it would help you, I think people think it's also too overwhelming to just be kind or like you said, it's a little 2%, not even after you say that. You're not like it could just be a little bit and what that shift will do for yourself.
The little 2%. (49:14)
- Yeah, that's awesome. Well I'm hoping that anyone who listens to it or watches this conversation feels the energy that I'm feeling right now from you and from being in this space and hearing everything you've been saying, I'm hoping that they get to feel that too and I hope that they carry that throughout their day and their year and we all continue to heal and grow together because we're all figuring it out together. - We are. Thank you so much for watching that video. If you enjoyed it, here's another one I think you'll love. Someone making someone like your possession, like you have to keep them or don't do this or you're gonna lose them, that's really bad advice.