MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY ON: Before You WASTE 2023 Away, WATCH THIS! | Jay Shetty | Transcription
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When do most of us go to a diary? When we're having problems? I think I need to start writing stuff down to make sure I take the time to write stuff down when things are going well so I can dissect my successes. When you won the Oscar in 2014 and you gave that speech, I had a ritual at that time in my life where I listened to your speech every day for 30 days and maybe even a bit longer. And it was so powerful and profound. And when I read your book, it was exactly what I was looking for because I wanted that speech to never end. I wanted it to kind of like go in so many different directions. So anyone who hasn't heard that speech, go listen to it. If you have heard it, you know what I'm talking about. And the book literally feels like a never-ending version of that speech, which is beautiful. Bravo. Great. I love hearing that translation.
In-Depth Personal Reflections And Advice
Did you live as a monk for a period of time too? (00:49)
It's very true. So I wanted to start there. And before we dive into the book in chronological order, I was going to pick this out because on page 73, you say, "I started to believe my life's calling was to become a monk." Now, I don't know if you know this, but I lived as a monk for three years in India. And so when I read that, I was just like, "I have to find out about this." And so I wanted to hear why was that your calling or why did you feel that was your life's calling at one point and have you ever thought about it again? Yes. Well, that came to me at a time when I was having a very introspective forced winter of a year in Australia as I was an exchange student. And it was a very unsettling year for me. I was alone in a foreign place. I was struggling with my own identity. I didn't have all the crutches or things that I could rely on around me. Friends, car, cash, a job, mom, dad. I didn't have any of those things. So I was forced to rely on myself. And forced inward. It was a real year of resistance. Now in that, and I was going to... I had been saying, I think it's fair to say, I started to create daily disciplines for myself. And as you know, when we're sort of lost creating daily disciplines to give you a tangible measurement of, "Okay, I ran six miles today." You know, for me, I was a runner. I went vegetarian. I didn't know how to do it. And was looking for my calling. And at the time I was like, "Oh, I'm going to go over to South Africa and help Freese Nelson Mandela. I'm going to become a monk." I think that's my calling. And I talked to a very good friend of mine, a story, Brother Christian, who is a monk, about that. And he was like, "Well, you have really great communication skills, Matthew. I think that I admire what you're calling to go do that. But maybe your way is to be in what you're doing in life, to communicate more and not become a hermit or a monk." And as your last question, it is something that I still consider and remind myself that I still have time to try and do it. That's my call. I love that. I love that, man. That's beautiful. And I'm glad you stayed on the path. You did, as you've gone on to definitely use those communication skills extremely effectively. And with the book, so the book's called "Green Lights."
Green lights (03:09)
Like I said, it was a joy reading it. And this analogy that you create of green lights, talk to us about what is a green light, but more deeply, for me, what I'm fascinated by is how do you know when something's a green light? And sometimes do we miss them? Like do we miss green lights as well? Absolutely. We miss them all the time. Sometimes they're right in front of us. We don't see them daily because we're not in a place to receive them, to recognize them, to be aware of them, to see a certain situation. Sometimes we see red and yellow lights where they're actually green lights. Sometimes we slow down and stop or feel like we're getting stopped. When it's actually, no, it was free. There was no glass on the floor. You could pass through that dark hallway. It was a free ride, whatever that may be. A lot of times, I think, I know that we can create green lights, engineer them for our future by the choices we make daily. I call it, it's a version of delayed gratification, it's a version of ROI, return on our investments. It's like teeing ourself up, being kind to our future self, teeing up more green lights in our future. They're based on a mix of responsibility and freedom. The choices we make compounding assets of our future. If we, for instance, we could decide to say, I'm going to lie cheat steal, get a short money green light right now for me. Well, you're actually teeing up yellow and red lights in the future because everywhere you go, you got to look over your shoulder and go, oh, is someone here that I lied cheat stole from? And the cop traffic, whatever that may be as a metaphor. If we take care of our business today, it can be simple, simple thing. Here's a simple green thing. Put your coffee in your coffee field to the night before you go to bed. You're so happy the next morning, just to press that button because sometimes it's hard to make your coffee when you hadn't had your coffee. So there can be simple little green lights where you tee yourself up for more success and ease in the future. And then, like I said, sometimes you can engineer them, sometimes they will just fall on our lap. And how do we find them? I've found that we find them by either enduring through something or pivoting and having another look at something a different way or raising the white flag and saying, I give, I'm going to live to fight another day because I'm going to fight another battle here. The tool for getting to them that I've written up in the book is when faced with the inevitable, get relative. So when do we deem something inevitable? A situation like now we're in COVID, it's inevitable. So you and I can sit here and go, oh my God, when's this going to end? I wish this was over. I wish we were back in the good old days. Nothing constructive than anything I just said. Nothing leading towards a green light. But can we say and recognize like you did offline before we got on this, hey, it's really been a still quiet time for me right now. I've been taking inventory. That's recognizing a green light in the red light we're in right now and setting yourself up for that to remain a green light, to make this useful time in whatever way you can. You're already cultivating and building a green light for your future in this red light time. So in that version, another truth that I believe is that every red and yellow light does reveal itself to be green somewhere in the rear view mirror of life. Sometimes we notice it today, sometimes next week, next month, next year, sometimes on our deathbed, sometimes maybe our great, great, great, great grandkids will actually be the first recipients of the green light of some red light we had in our own life. That's beautiful. I love that. I love the fact that it may outlive us. Like we may not even get to see it. Like I think that's there's some real power in that because I think we have such an obsession with seeing, feeling, holding, experiencing, grabbing, having. And what you're actually saying is that if you're planting that seed right now for that green light, you may never actually experience it as the green light, but someone in that legacy or lineage will get to experience it. My father died in 1992, major red light in my life, red light for quite a while. I read and going through right in the book, I looked at the diaries. I was like, oh, with him passing away, the values that he had, you kind of had learned from him that you were doing, you know, a decent job of living by, but not really. Why wasn't I really doing a good job? Because I had him to rely on. He was alive. He was my safety net. He was above government and law to me. So dad's there. I'll be okay. I don't have to really commit. I don't really have to man up to this situation. I don't really have to have the courage to do this because the dad's here. He's got my back. Whoop, lost him. Oh, he's not here. Uh-oh. And all of a sudden, everything that I revered, all the mortal things in life that I revered came down to eye level. All the things that I was condescending and patronizing, looking down upon, rose up to eye level. The world was flat. I could see further, wider, and clearer. I gained courage, confidence, kindness, became more of my true self and was more truthful. I don't believe I would have done that. I know I wouldn't have if my dad was still alive at that point. Maybe I would have done another time in life, but his passing, that red light passing, revealed early green lights for me. And now in hindsight, I'm like, I don't know if I'd be here. I don't know if I'd have the family I have. I don't know if I'd be who I was if my dad would not have passed. So it's not about denying the red light. It's not about covering up and saying, oh, it didn't happen. No, it happened. And it's a red light, but even the one we're in now, there's a great chance. We had the opportunity to look back at 2020, the most awkward and tragic year that we can remember, as a banner year of rebirth and change in a year that really moved our floor. It's not a guarantee that we use it, but we have an opportunity to and secede of those green lights. We're living in them right now. We may not know what they are. Yeah, no, that's a really it's the most empowering perspective that we can live with. And it's not even just an you know, and I know you consider yourself an optimist. I wouldn't even say that that perspective is just being optimistic. It's actually being the most introspecting and like you're saying, going inward to try and change that experience. But tell us about you talked about your father and your relationship there.
What was life with his father like (09:25)
Tell us about how that was like in your childhood when obviously you wanted to make him proud. You wanted to make him feel something and he had these expectations. How did you align with those expectations or was it different? I don't think I aligned with those expectations for a while. So I've got two older brothers. My older brother Rooster, who's 16 years older than me. My dad was a you know, he's trying to raise his young boys into men and he did a good job of that. He had expectations of that. He also believed to write a passage and initiations. And sometimes those were physical and physical encounters with him or at least he always told us, hey, you want a buck? You don't like how things are being run under this household? You know where to find the boss. I'm right here ready whenever you are. My older brother took him up on that at about young 20s. And from that day on they were best friends and my dad loved he was looking for his boys to just it was more that we would accept the challenge have the courage to accept the challenge. That was it. That would have made him I failed to do that a couple of times early in my life. I chickened out and you know in hindsight I kind of regret that I did because he would probably hug me as soon as I said, all right, pop, I'm taking you on. He'd about to be like, that's my boy and gave me a great hug and then it would have been over and we'd have moved on. So I was raised more by my mother. My dad became more successful at work. So I had to be on the road more. He and I kind of got to know each other for the first time. Well, it was one summer in the middle of my mom and dad's second divorce where he and I lived in a trailer park together and I got to know him pretty good then. But I was very young then. The first time I really got to know him is somewhat of an adult was around 18 or 19. And we we had to spend some time together and I was of age to go have a beer with him at the bar or hang around his friends and be a part of the stories. I was hearing instead of just hearing about the stories the next day. And one night we were walking out of this this bar and I remember he was rocking right behind me and that as I passed out the doorframe. And head into the parking lot this bouncer stepped behind me and put his hand on my dad's chest and said, do you pay your tab, sir? My dad was a big man and I saw my dad kind of look down at his hand and kind of sluff it off and go, yeah, but because we had paid the tab, we did pay the tab. But as he moved that hand and the image I had looking over my shoulder of another man putting his hand on my dad's chest as my dad was about to go tell that to tell this guy, hey, but don't put your hands on me. Before that could even happen. I pounced this guy. I pounced this bouncer. Next thing I knew I was being pulled off of him and he was down on the floor 20 feet back in the bar over a table on his back. What? It all just happened and I remember that night. I got pulled off and I'm kicking and screaming and groveling and I hear this voice in my ear. That's enough, son. That's enough. And it was my dad. Well, that was a bit of a rite of passage for me in his eyes. I remember him calling all of his friends. Oh, hey, the youngest one. He's going to be okay. I was worried about him. He's going to be okay. You got to watch him. Got a bit of a berserker switch and I remember that being like that act of taking that chance and that risk physically was a rite of passage for him and that's when he and I really became more buddies. And he was less my father to son. But then the sad thing is he moved on quite soon after that after I went to college. But he's in a few other great stories where he gave me some real privilege and freedom and approval of what I was trying to be in life.
What made him not the victim (13:27)
Yeah, that's beautiful, man. Thank you for sharing that with us. Yeah, it's interesting because you speak about in the book so many almost challenging situations that you went through early on, whether it was being blackmailed for sex. You know, molested like, you know, but one of the things you said after that was like, you were like, I've never felt like a victim in my life. And I was intrigued by that juxtaposition because one could look at a lot of those situations and feel that it was valid. Where were you able to not see yourself as a victim or what was that? How have you done that in a healthy way? Yeah. I mean, we could argue, you know, and it's worth. It's worth the world right now. It's in the conversation defining victimhood. Yeah. Could you say in those situations, I was a victim? Sure. I said I chose I never felt I was a victim. I never chose to say, oh, I've been victimized. That may mean in your book or someone else's book, legitimately, I was a victim. So I'm not trying to illegitimate the word victim. No, I didn't think it was not to feel like I was a victim and I did not. I understood when I got molested that time that that was a bad thing that that was not how life worked. I was old enough to not be super confused about it. I was old enough to be pissed off because I had just come conscious and this person was in this situation. I was old enough to go, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was also old enough to know that's not how the most of the world works, you know, so it wasn't a confusing thing for me. So I was able to go, whoa, glad I came to, you know, when I did and got the hell out of there, you know, another one was the other one. The the blackmail. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, geez, it wasn't ideal, man. And I write a really interesting thing after that. You remember the line after that? I said at the time I was sure I was going to hell. Yeah, I know. I only hope that that isn't the case. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, that was. Yeah, that was right. That was the worst part about it is I thought I was going to be, you know, I thought I was raised to be a version until you're married. Yeah. And not only did I was I no longer a version until I was married, I had been blackmailed into it and I felt guilt and shame and all this stuff. And it was not it was not ideal. But I chose not to say, well, that's my lot. That's that's what my relationship with sexual intercourse will always be. I chose not to do, you know, to just feel victimized in that and chose to try and turn the page, found healthy relationships, healthy sexual relationships. And, you know, once I got old enough, my mom was like, I know, we were just trying to make sure you weren't going to. You know, we were preaching that, but I figured you might do it before you got married. And so and that's another thing right there. What we're doing right here, I think a part of why I never felt like a victim is. You and I just laughed at that. And on paper, you go, wait a minute, where's the joke? There's nothing funny about that. But let's recognize what we just did. Did you and I just deny the severity of what happened? Not at all. If anything, we dealt with it and I can see it more clearly. Humor is such a revealer of truth. And it's I think it's good for us all to remember. I got to remind myself all the time. And if you laugh at something, doesn't mean you find humor in the situation. It can be incredibly great truth. Some of the best truth comes out. It doesn't deny the crisis. It doesn't erase it. It doesn't wax over it and say, oh, I'm just living in the clouds. I'm a foolish optimist. No, it's more than a survival technique. It's actually a way of understanding. Anyway, that happened right there. That's that's another thing that's been a real a real good intrinsic value that I've had. And been raised around and which is in having a sense of humor to reveal the truth and situations. And the book has that the book has that moment as you as you're reflecting or recalibrating on a lot of the themes that are there in the book. And I was thinking about that the other day that I feel I was talking to someone about it. I was like, I feel that way about both laughter and tears. Like there are almost two things we try and hold back. Like we're like, oh, you can't cry about that or you can't laugh about that. And actually sometimes those are the two best things to do about most of those scenarios in life. And why not do it more and more?
What you learn when you observe laughter and tears (17:58)
You know, I know we're trying to raise our kids to say, hey, you know, I tell them a story and this is part of why I got into went into finally went to film school in college. I started keeping a diary because I would go to the theater and it'd be a packed house. And I would laugh at the joke that nobody else in the theater laughed at the whole theater would laugh at the joke that I was like, I didn't think that was funny. I was finding I was not crying when people, someone close died. I was crying when someone was born and I was going, is this okay? Am I weird? Am I off? And I was like, no, don't lean into that. It's okay. And let's start writing these things down about how you feel about particular situations. Matthew and and started to write those down and then find some confidence to go. That's okay. Talk to my parents, talk to friends about them. They were like, no, that's different. But that's, you know, keep writing down those unique sides of yourself. And that's a good point.
Elizabeth on love and humor (18:55)
We try to raise our kids. They laugh cry whenever it's come on. Let it out. Let it be part of the conversation. It goes along with people say, oh, don't you know, that old adage don't talk to yourself. Yeah. What? No, do talk to yourself. Just remember to answer. Talk to yourself all you want. Just answer. I love that. Just answer. That's true. That's a great way of putting it. Yeah. It's and actually that's that's half the half the challenge, right? Like all of these like old kind of rules or statements or whatever it may be kind of block that thinking. But what you were doing by writing it down and I love that I love how much of the book is like literally looks like scribbles of your writing in your journals and your annotation, which which I get fascinated by. But that was you when you when you talk about the concept of knowing who you are is hard and eliminating who you're not first. It's when you start writing these things down that you start constructing who you are and deconstructing who you're not. Yes, that that was it. And it was look I look at my early diaries. I was writing when I first started like 15 right before I started writing those things down like a you know, a theater of how my own personal response was to situations. When do most of us go to a diary when we're having problems? Dear diary, I don't know broke up with me. It broke my heart. The stuff I won't say to anybody else is just between me and you hard times. Early 20s, I started to notice that when I would find my groove and get rolling on something and was successful and was waking up in the morning looking forward to heading out into the day and having good human interactions with people and was succeeding at schools.
Steven on the cycles of life (20:27)
I was like, you hadn't written in your diary in a while. Just like when do when do we pray? Usually when we're in trouble. Well, all right. I've been dissecting my failures. I think I need to start writing stuff down to make sure I take the time to write stuff down when things are going well so I can dissect my successes in the hopes that when I get into another rut again in the future, which I will I can go back to my diaries and go what were my habits back then when I felt like I was rolling. You can find a bit of science to that satisfaction. It can be who you're hanging out with where you were going, how late you were staying up. What you were eating. Yeah, you know what I mean? It can be all kinds of things. You can find a science to I'm going to get back in that groove again and it can help nudge you back. It's never the same. It can help get you back in your lane. So, you know, this identity, who are you? It's a tough question to answer. What is easier and more fun is to go. I'm not sure who I am. Let me answer who I'm not. What are those people, places and things that are giving me a hangover or not feeding me back or not bringing out my truest self? Well, you know what? I'm going to eliminate those for my life. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm getting rid of where I don't want to go be anymore. And by process of elimination, you end up with more things that will feed you and feed your good wolf right in front of you because you've eliminated the things that were feeding the bad wolf. Yeah, that's that's brilliant. You reminded me. I believe I came across it when I was looking at Christianity and I'd heard it and it was a statement of like, you know, don't make God or the Bible your spare tire. Make it your steering wheel. Right. Like that kind of way of thinking about it, like, you know, it's not just for a bad time. And I love what you're saying there because you're spot on that. We struggle to get into a groove again because we forget what we did when things were good because we never think about it. And when you're going good, you think you're never going to forget it because you think, oh, this is it. This is the mean. This is how it will always be. Trust it that hill's coming. Yeah. And we remember the bad times more than the good times because when something good is happening, we celebrate for a day. And when something bad is happening, we cry for a month and we get so immersed in that pain that you remember that pain.
You have a good memory for pain, but we don't necessarily have a memory for for movement and joy and growth. Pleasure and success and those things. Yeah. And I know I have to watch this to me when things are going really well. I'm like, aha, this, as I said, this is the mean. This is as it should be. And you can just sustain this. And if it goes below this, that's a debit. But it should always be the side. And it's just not fair to ourselves or anyone else because either we're going to create our own crisis for ourselves or the world is going to give us one. Yeah. That we didn't ask for. And we're going to have to adapt to something and be beneath that mean again. And it's good to have a little map if you can of, wait, where was I? Where is my head? Where is my heart? How lined were they in the decisions and choices I was making when I felt like life was one big green light and you can go back and you can see how you can engineer them by our habits. Yeah. It's like, I mean, using your beautiful metaphor. It's like remembering a route or a path to somewhere. Like when you knew you found that really cool path up that really beautiful road and it was quicker and faster. And if you never wrote it down, you just forget it. But tell us, you said like we all have three choices. You were like persist, pivot or concede. How have you decided in your life when to persist, when to pivot and when to concede? Because and tell us share some examples for those that you think would help people understand. Let's bring up a situation and if you can think of one, shoot it at me and we can deconstruct these three on that.
Make a plan (24:15)
Yeah. Well, maybe growing up to become a lawyer, like, you know, you thought you wanted to become a lawyer. That may be one. Yeah. So I thought I want to become a lawyer. That was the in-house, in-family credo. That was it. I was a great debater. I would win arguments. I was tireless in them. I was in school debate in high school. This is it. Family business is going well. Shoot. The joke was you go become that you'll defend the family's business. Matthew, go ahead. Great. I'm heading off. Great idea. I go to university techs, headed towards law school. Well, the first two years in school, what are you taking? You're taking liberal arts, filling out some credit. After that sophomore year, you have a better start knowing where you want to go because those credits, you have to they have to fill, fulfill the direction you're heading. And if you switch your majors, junior, senior, you can lose credit. Well, I was not sleeping well with the idea that I got to finish school here. Then I got to go to law school. Then I got to try to get a job. Then if I'm a practicing lawyer, I'm really not making a mark or experiencing anything until in my 30s. I said, I really don't. I'm not excited about the idea of spending my 30s getting educated in a classroom about something before I can actually practically experience it. So I had been writing as you know. I started sharing those writings with a friend of mine who was at NYU film school. His name's Rob Binler. He said the writings were good. And he also said, you know what, you got great character and confidence. You should think about in front of the camera, too. Well, that part I kind of was too didn't have the courage to even embrace the idea of being in front of the camera. It was too avant garde. I came from a blue collar, work your way up. You had to be an actor. I mean, that's like that's so European, you know, or whatever. And so, oh, what is that? That'll never fly. But I could grasp the idea that I'll go. I want to go be a storyteller behind the camera. Now I got to call dad, mom, who are paying my schooling for this. I got to pivot. All right. Now I could have kept my head down and just gone. No, this is just a pipe dream. You got right now. Lawyer work. Just follow it through. You'll be a damn good lawyer, which I believe I would have been. I could have persisted, but I said, no, I got to pivot here. Now, how do I pivot here? I got to get the approval of mom and dad, especially dad, and I don't think this is going to go over well with him. So let me make a plan how to re-approach this situation. I'm going to call him Tuesday night, 7 30. He'll be home from work. He'll have had dinner. He'll be having a beer on the couch with mom. He'll be in a great mood. He'll be able to digest this in from this, this question better. I call him up and I said, pop, I said, he goes, hey little buddy. I said, dad, I don't want to go to law school more. I want to go to film school and hear this pause five seconds. Then I hear this voice. I'll sign you sure that's what you want to do. I said, yes, sir. Another pause for five seconds. And then I heard three words that were a launch pad for me coming from my dad at that time. I couldn't have said anything better and I did not expect this. Three words were, huh? Don't half-ass it. Oh, thank you. Not only did you approve, you shot me out of a shotgun and said, this is more than privilege. You got your freedom here and you better do a damn good job at it. Whoa, it was freedom and I was off. Went to film school, got confidence in telling stories, started working in front of the camera and here I sit whatever, 20, 30 years later. So I made a pivot at that time because the idea of continuing on to go down the path of being a lawyer. It just, it wasn't, I wasn't sleeping well. It's always a good way for me to explain some how you sleeping with it. What's waking you up at night? The idea of doing it or the idea of losing or missing it. It's a good way to measure kind of choices. We got it. We want to make in life. Well, you know, I do it with scripts all the time or I really want to do this. Well, let me sleep with the fact that I am going to do it for two weeks and I'm going to see what wakes me up at night. Am I waking up because I'm going, oh man, I'm not sure if I trust that director or that script. Now I'm going to sleep with the fact that I'm not doing this. Now what keeps me up at night waking up going, no, I've got to do that project. I can't go without it. It's a good measuring stick for going, well, I think I'm going to do it. You know what I mean? So what I wasn't sleeping well with the idea of being a lawyer. It would have things would have worked out in another way and probably okay if I would have done that, but my soul was itching and I was uncomfortable and I made a pivot at that time. Yeah, that's that's a great one. Everyone who's listening and watching right now. I literally want you to write these two things down because these are practical things that you can do and I know that my community loves stuff that they can actually do. The first one here was write down your wins, write down those grooves right down when things are going in the right direction, the green lights and what's going right and how you're doing it, who you're around, what's happening and the second one here. I love this piece of advice like sleep with it as if you are going to do it right or sleep with it as if you're not going to do it like both of those are great. Both. Yeah, great ways of testing which one you woke up feeling more excited about or nervous about or anxious about and what part of it like that's such a I love that like that's so practical. I've never I've never thought about it like that and I think I'm gonna I'm gonna play with that one too. It's a cool decision-making paradigm. If you can give yourself enough time to really commit your mind like I'm doing this and you will start to realize well, what does that mean for the next six months of my life the next year? What am I going to miss out on or got or are you are you thinking about everything you're going to do with that and it's more of a reason it's waking up at night because you just can't wait to get up and work on it. That's another thing to saying. Yeah, you probably I'll do it. There's there's good scared and there's bad scared. Yeah.
The two types of 'scares' (29:51)
Yeah, it's nice to go in any situation and be scared, but you let your spider sense. Say wait, am I scared because this is a great challenge and I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm got the courage to dive in or am I scared because the pedigree around it isn't maybe up to the excellence that I want and that's another kind of scared. You're like, I need to listen to that. Maybe that's a reason not to do it. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I love that distinction between the two and that links nicely to one of the other quotes that stuck out to me in the book where you were like, you know, when you can ask yourself if you want to before you do and I thought I was like, yeah, that's that's real right there because there's a lot of things and actually it's one of the biggest things I hear a lot of is I'm always encouraging people to move towards their their purpose and things that fulfill them and and moving in that direction and pivoting as you did and and a big part of that question is but I can do so many things right and that's a common thing with people like oh, but I could do everything. I could do this. I could do that. I could do this, but you have this really distinction ask yourself if you want to walk us through that and why that was such an important one to write down and push out. Well, it worked its way into a nice little limerick riddle as it laid out and it's got you know, there's different ways to look at the line. Look too many options can make tyrants of all of us, you know, yeah, the Devils and the yeses more than the nose. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean I've been there where let's say me, you know, after I got famous in the time to kill my life did a 180 the Friday before time to kill came out. There were a hundred scripts. I wanted to do and would have done anything to do them. But 99 were no you cannot do them and one of them was yes. Well over one weekend. I got a movie that does well time to kill that Monday out of those hundred scripts all of a sudden it was 99 or yes, they're yours go for it. Please. They're all green lights. Please don't one of them is no and I'm going oh, wait a minute in a matter of 72 hours. I three days ago would have done any of this and couldn't do any and now you tell me I can do all of them. Well, I all of them look great. I mean you asked me to be discerning right now and to ask inside my soul when my head is just spinning going. Wait a minute two days ago would have done any of these. How do I know what I want to do? I want to do all of them. But wait Matthews only 224 hours in the day. I know but I need 90 hours in today. Anybody given that? Nope. They're not giving that still 24 hours a day. What I got to do. Well for me, I had to get the hell out of Dodge get out of Hollywood and go hear myself think let my memories catch up. Let my brain get reconnected to my heart and soul and get an autobond in there because at the moment at that time, there was a there was a one-lane gravel road and it was bumpy driving, you know between the old head and the head and the heart. So I took off and had to go listen to try to listen to myself and get some just you know, some sort of demarcations between all this frequency of options that were now on top of me. I don't know if that answers your question.
The hardest 'no' (32:55)
It does. It does. It does. I was going to follow it up with what's the hardest know you think you've ever had to say like what was like the one which you were like this was like this challenge me where I wanted to say yes, but but I had to follow my own advice and say no. Well, the hardest know for me and I'll base this on career. Yeah was about 14 years ago and the stories in the book of when I was rom-com King. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. They were fun. They were easy. I love doing them. I was getting paid big bank for doing them. We missed them. My wife does for sure. You know, I mean, maybe I still got another good one in the end me out there. They were making money for the studios. I was the go-to rom-com guy and like I said, they were Saturday characters. They were easy. There was nothing wrong with that. But I was feeling very vital in my life. I just had a newborn son. I had met the woman that I'm now married to and I loved harder. I could get angrier harder. I laughed louder. I my life was like vital and I was like boy my life so much more vital than my work. I wish I could find some characters that would challenge the vitality of my own life. The man I'm in the man. I am in the life of living. So on dramas. I was looking for these dramas with those dramas weren't coming. So this goes back to process of elimination. If I can't get what it is. I want to do. I'm going to stop doing what it is. I've been doing that's not filling me up. Right. So I made a staunch stance and said I'm not going to do the rom-coms anymore. I'm not doing the action adventures. Well guess what? You're not going to do those. I'm kind of you may not be working for a while and that was true for 20 months. I didn't work for 15 of those 20 months. I got offered zero not a zilch. I was gone. I thought Hollywood may have forgot about me. So it was a big no. The hardest no because I'm sitting there this time getting offered 15 million dollar offers for well-written cool romantic comedies. I'm like that pretty damn good. And by the way, it's even better the version at 15 million dollars is a better script than the one that was offered at eight million dollars even though they were saying words. I was like well, you know, so I looked at those things but I said no, I made this choice with myself. I made this choice with God. I made this choice with my wife Camilla. My family knows about it. I really need to go through this dry period. I don't know how long it's going to last. I got to hang on to the belief that if it's to be something will come up the work. I want to find will come up and find me and sure as heck 20 months into it all of a sudden. I was a new good idea. So I had an unbranding two-year phase. I didn't rebrand. I unbranded. I was gone. I wasn't in the rom-coms. You didn't see me on the beach without a shirt. Where's McConaughey? I don't know. He's forgotten. Forget it. Don't even send him another script because he's not going to do it. It's a rom-com. All of a sudden someone's going, you know, it'll be good for Killer Joe, Magic Mike, Mud, True Detective, Down Spires Club. McConaughey ain't being a good idea. It's kind of an interesting idea. It's a novel idea now. It wasn't novel two years before. You know, so that was a big time where I dug my heels in and said no. That's eliminated what it was I was doing to then find and be found and offered what it is I wanted to do and who I wanted to become. That's a great connection to that answer. Like I wasn't thinking of that when I said that. That's a great connection to that because almost unbranding or unlearning or almost like you said disappearing is the hardest way of refining your identity. Because you don't know what the next step is. So there's a leap in that darkness. There's that you're you're you're through your consciously and deliberately and intentionally throwing yourself into limbo. Yeah, which is the worst thing. We're all in a certain limbo right now. It's the most uncomfortable part. It's part of the reason our country's divided so wide right now because people need purpose identity and something to cling on to. So they're clinging on to the fringes just to have a sense of okay, at least I'm about something. I don't know if I agree with it's about but at least I'm about something. Yeah, yeah, and it's it's it's you're throwing yourself into a limbo and then look I had help. I had I had a great wife next to me helping me out. I had a newborn son, which was my North Star compass every day. Every time I get antsy. What am I doing? I have no significance in my life. I don't know what I'm going to do. I was like, well, look at your family. Look at that young look at that young man right there that you were part of creating and that you can raise as a father. It's a brand-new day for him every single day. Let's try and see what he's seeing or put things in front of him that are going to make him go. Ah, I like this next day. So that was that was that gave me an anchor during that time when I was getting what I was had sometimes being quite wobbly. Yeah, no, that's that's beautiful, man.
The value of immersing oneself fully (38:01)
I think that that is a great lesson for all of us and it's so funny that you know when I was reading your book and literally in the last couple of weeks, I've been talking to my team because I've been coming off like I was saying to you earlier my book space and and I was looking at 2021 and and I was kind of having this moment where I was like and it's it literally timed when I was reading your book. I was like, I need to start saying no next year. Like that's my next challenge. Like my challenge next year is to go deeper in what I've committed to and do it better and and go into just immersing myself into it rather than trying to do every you know, trying to do all these things where at one point in my life, it was really important that I was trying to do a lot of things and and now you're probably offered to do things you've never been able to offer to do before totally and and it's like yeah, please. Thank you. I'd love to yeah, yeah, and I'm literally in that I'm in that phase of my life right now and in this phase of it where I'm like, okay. Well, actually I need to stop that. So it just came so perfectly timed and it was so interesting. I was saying to somebody other day. I was like, there's all these opportunities, but you know, it's not going to work if I if I just keep chasing them and I loved how you brought that back to relationships because this this part of it, I think and you know, the relationship you have with your your kids, your wife is beautiful, but it's like it's it's really interesting the way you explain it like the arrow doesn't seek the target. The target draws the arrow and and you said that you weren't even in a space where you were seeking partnership.
Exploration Of Relationships, Dreams, And Purpose
"What is that?" "What is that?" (39:26)
You weren't even you weren't even looking for it. And I think this is you know, when you just said that like even though I didn't know what was next and I unbranded myself, but I had my son and I could look at what I've created. I think for a lot of people they're struggling because even their relationship world is in limbo whether they don't have the right partner or they they don't have a partner and and you know, their work life's kind of going but they don't have that. Where was it for you where you felt you attracted your wife? Like where did that come from?
Finding the right partner (40:00)
Yeah, so I you know, we all have our biological clock and our idea when we're younger. When do we see ourselves? Oh having a meeting that that woman or that man and then having a family, you know, and then those years come up on us. I'd never really been a time clock keeper, but subconsciously I was at a time in my life where I sure as heck didn't want to date anybody unless I thought it had possibilities of becoming a full true long-term relationship. Yeah, I didn't want to I wasn't wanting to waste my time dating someone unless that potential is there and if there wasn't no time for us to move on and we had some amiable breakup or some wonderful women that we just both saw. Hey, this is not going to we both we both want to find the one that we have more potential. We've gotten to a point as far as I think we can go. So, you know, but I did find myself looking I found myself in the produce section at the store looking down on her feet and ring her finger. I wonder maybe I'll say hi to her. I was I was looking, you know at the red light at the at a club or a bar or a friend would introduce and what I did in my own thoughts and meditation and prayers on what came to me was it's okay. Matthew don't try so hard to find the right woman to start a family. I know everything you've always the one thing you've only known you ever wanted to be was a father, but you don't don't try so hard to find the right woman to get married. You might end up an 88 year old 88 year old bachelor bunch kids and I'm not going to judge you on that but quit trying to make it happen. And soon as I quit trying to make it happen and what I was out and not sort of measuring women like maybe these are possibility maybe not objectifying. Well, I don't know. I was more present. I was more fun. I was more me and soon as I quit looking that's when she came. Not the same way I did but when she showed up and I saw her now my now I've been moving across the room right to left in my island and I remember I saw this woman and under my breath to myself. I said, what is that and say who is I said, what is that? Got up introduced myself spoke the best Spanish I've ever spoke. I've never spoken like a Spanish since. One and since that night I met her there's never been another woman. I wanted to go on a date with spend a night with anything and she's now mother of three of our children and we've been married now for what are we coming on eight nine years and that's when I was able to found and find her that's when I was able enough. It goes back to a little one of those earlier lessons with my father moving on be less impressed more involved. Yes. Yes. That's when I was I was comfortable to be myself and give her her space because I wasn't like trying to dissect. Wait, are you the one I wasn't playing? I wasn't measuring her. I was able to be myself hold my own Constitution. She was able to be herself and we naturally came together. So it drew the I the the the target drew the arrow. Yeah, when I quit looking I then that's when I found the one for me after us.
Remembering your dreams (43:22)
Do you dream a lot Matthew? Do you remember your dreams a lot when you dream like is that remember ones like that? You know, I do dream a lot and like most people most dreams. I forget most of them, but I have had a few that are consistent that have that have been recurring dreams and then when I have a recurring dream that is note for note shot for shot exactly the same dream. I take that as a sign celestial suggestion at least that my subconscious is trying to tell me something or my God is trying to tell me something and I try to back up and go. Okay, I need to listen to this and you can't go to someone else for advice about it because it's only your dream and it was a dream. So you have to really go how much merit do I give this? Yeah, you know and you were talking about it earlier. The truth sometimes we don't we miss the green lights around us. They're there. Yeah. Are we in a place to receive them? Are we in a place to be patient enough to make them personal? And see why they came to us then are we courageous enough to act on them and preserve them and make them part of our daily habits and inner being. Yeah, they come around all the time. And as you know, you can't listen to every sign. No, are you running circles? You know, I've done that before. Yeah, and everything, you know, you're seeing art everywhere. Oh my gosh. I got that quote in there about a man full of ideas needs to be need some starvation a man full of truths needs to be fed. Well, I've had those times where I'm full of so many ideas. Every I'm inspired everywhere and I'm going I got to cut some of this out because there's too much inspiration. I can't focus there. It's a shotgun spread and I need a little rifle here. And at the same time, you don't want to be so closed up that you're missing them or you let them pass and you don't give them credit when they when they come. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You one of your dreams obviously not not a dream while you were asleep was to become a father like that was always been a big thing for you. What was it that you dreamed of about being a father that you look forward to so much and how is it being on like how is that being completely surpassed in reality? Yeah, so I'm not a father yet. So so I'm not I'm not yet. Not yet. Yeah. Well, so I remember when I was eight years old this having this romantic realization that the reason my dad wanted me to call the men that he would introduce to do sir and shake their hand and look him in the eye, which I was looking up at their eye as a young eight-year-old boy. It came to me that what's the one consistency and all these men that I am giving them the respect of yes, sir. Why am I calling them sir? Because their fathers and I remember eight years old going oh, that's it. That's when you've made it that success as a male on earth to become a father to me that was like tada one day. Then you've made it Matt. That was always very clear to me since I was eight years old and the one thing I always knew I wanted to be. Now I have children you have the first if and when you do have I write about in the book the first six months after you have your firstborn don't double down triple down on any instinct you have man is never more masculine and clear the man's heart and head and spirit are never more line than the right after he has firstborn triple down on any instinct you got career wise relationship wise everything you're in the zone good to know. And so then you have them the thing that one of the surprising things and all parents I think know this is that before having children. I thought it was more about environment than it was DNA. You have children and you realize we're early. No more about biology than I thought they kind of are who they are. I can nudge them and shepherd them and move them their way and put in front of what turns them on and try to keep them from from dangerous harm, but they are who they are. The best thing that I didn't notice about having children before I had children is that now I'm immortal. Memorial. Hopefully they have kids and that's the lineage till now when whatever perceivable shadow we leave when we're gone. That's my shit. That's the shadow. I want to leave that's the shadow that will keep me alive forever. That's to just keep living shadow right there. You become immortal when you become a father or parent a mother becomes immortal. That's great. Children. That's great advice. That's beautiful. What's what's a skill or a what's what's a skill or a quality that you think you're most wanting to see them develop there or and and vice versa. What's something that you think they've taught you about yourself that you didn't expect? I come in are trying hoping to raise them.
Treating his children (48:10)
Whatever they individually known individual ways to be conscientious autonomous and confident. People. We value family. We also value self-reliance. I want to you know, you'll see if when you become a parent you have to measure kids aren't afraid to fall fall off out of a tree until they fall. So how high on that limb do you let them go before telling them no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come down. Yeah, because for the first time and you do that, they're like what what's the big and all of a sudden they get nervous. Yeah, so you measure in life and it's a metaphor the tree them but you measure well, I'm going to be cool because if they fall from that one, they may just scrape their arm and bruise himself and that'll be worth it. I don't want to I don't want to ruin the innocence and purity that they have. Then all of a sudden they get up to them tall and feel like dude, if they fell from that that's we're going to hospital. I think I may need to tell them to come on down but for the first time you're going to make them conscious. Yeah, they're going to have to put on the fig leaf. You know what I mean? So to measure that and let them negotiate situations on themselves for themselves. Let them the three of them don't interrupt every time the three of them are arguing or they're arguing with their friends. Let them negotiate. That's real life. They're going to get out. The world's not just going to lay out a carpet for them. Yeah, in my life. We're the fluent family. I want to give my children a lot of them to own up to where the affluence that we have but damn sure not rely on it. Yeah, and then also how do we define success? It's very interesting thing. Look up the earliest Webster dictionary version of success to today's version of success. Today is about to mentions like fame and money and all these things and the original version talks about integrity. And so so what is success? What do we what do they want to be relevant for? They're all three very kind children. Some work on one of them is more conscious than the other two. One of them is the the the the the the comedic relief in the family, but smart as well. The other one is very creative but dog on it doesn't know where she put her glasses and they're on her face. The other one when you're looking for your glasses, she reminds you on that. He reminds you they're on your face. You know, I mean, so yeah, they're different. They're just some of them are very practical times. Some of them are very whimsical. They're all very very kind and open be that they're conscientious autonomous and confident with who they are and have the ability to you know, we still say we never we never say don't talk to strangers. No, we travel the world more like yes, go introduce yourself. Go ask them. No, no, no, I'm not going to do it for you. Go. I'll be over watching engage. The world's a good place. There's evil in it. We have to but I don't want to don't want to get you gun shy about the harms in the world before, you know, you realize some of them yourself and let them engage in somewhere. They may have the bruise or the scrape. I don't want to engage in the ones that send them to the hospital, but you're engaging the ones that you come away going. Oh, that didn't feel like what I thought that as I said, don't now, you know, you know, so selfish, you know, well, that's another thing. I can get into what I feel about that word selfish and unpack that because I'm a fan of that word because I'm a selfish is actually being the most selfless people, you know, look at what we're in now and all the change we're going through. I don't know how to make systemic change. I don't know how to write policy. But each one of us know how to look ourselves in the mirror and say how can I do a little bit better? Yeah. How can I value values a little bit more for myself? And if I do that, you do that and another person listening does that. Well, all of a sudden we start forming a collective and that collective will be better. It will be a valuable society. Yeah. So what is that spot where the choice I call the egotistical utilitarian, where's that spot where the choices we make for us? Yes, I'm doing this for me. My ego wants to do this. Where does that I meet the we? Yes. Where does the want meet the need and the need meet the want? Where do we look as good as we feel and feel as good as we look?
The honey hole (52:36)
You know, where do those overlap and that seems to me to be the honey hole. Yeah, I'm trying to unpack and continually chase knowing. I'm never going to get there. But I think that's what it's about. Totally. Chasing yet. That's what our lives are about. That's what America is about. You know, it's an aspiration and if we have the will and the want to go, you know what? I want to incrementally I incrementally believe life is going to have an evolutionary small ascension, but things can improve just a little bit. Or what the hell are we growing older for? What's experience for for not, you know, if there's not at least a little ascension and keep chasing that stay in the race, commit to the chase of that. And that is as close to destination as we get, you know, again, maybe it'll be realized two generations later, you know. Yeah, there's a few things in there.
Purpose & Passion (53:34)
There's a Sanskrit word called Dharma, which has lots of translations, but one of them is purpose. And purpose is seen as the meshing of passion and compassion. And so what you were saying there of like that understanding of like, you know, that egotistic utilitarian of like, you know, where is it that I feel like I'm winning and we're winning, like and it's having an impact because you're not going to find it in either or like if you get obsessed with just your egotistical pursuits, we all know where that goes. And if you just get obsessed with trying to make a difference and trying to serve but you don't feel like you're playing your part in a way that fulfills you, it's, you know, it's unsustainable too. And the point you were saying about, yeah, the point you were saying about, yeah, the point you were saying about children too, I found that really interesting because something I always kind of wonder about before I have kids is like fragility and like what is my fragility barrier or limit for my kids because what you're saying there is like we reflect our fragilities and insecurities onto them. And I remember I had a couple of friends who I remember their daughter probably, I don't know, like two years old was like on the other side of the room and there were candles then she was just playing with the candles like her hands were over the fire and I don't have kids but my instinctual response was like guys, she's gonna burn us all and we need to go save her and they're like, nope, nope, like that was their limit. Like they were like, nope, let her play with the fire. It's only a tiny candle if she hurts herself, she'll know she'll and I was like, wow, like, you know, I'm not recommending that. I'm just saying, yeah, well, yeah, I mean, she'll go out, she'll remove her hand from the fire before she's actually really burned. Yeah, she'll know from that on that that glowing thing is hot and won't, you know, won't do it again. Usually won't do it again. Yeah, and you know, we don't we don't we can be told what to do. We can be taught what you can give us advice, but really we don't like to be told what to do. No, nobody. Kids don't even like to be told what to do. No one does. If you go experience something and you have a parent you have friends that let you go give it a shot. Maybe you can pull it off. I didn't pull it off. I wasn't able to pull up. Sometimes you'll see him pull off to be like, oh, you just changed my reality. Yeah, I couldn't pull that off, but you did. Yeah, you can jump further. I didn't think you could make it over that Creek and you did. Whoa, okay, you've read redefined my measuring paradigm for the situation now. So sometimes they can surprise us. Yeah, because they have a more of a talent, true, more of a talent for something than than we ourselves do. Yeah. The other thing to answer that question about what they taught me. You know, when we first had kids before we had kids. Camilla said to me. One condition. So what's that? She goes you go we go which means my work takes me all over the world and up to that point. I'd always gone off on my own lived in my Airstream trailer with my dog. I don't go out on school nights. I go to work in the morning. I come home fix my meal have a drink studied tomorrow's work go to bed over and over and over. I don't see anybody nothing. Also, my family there way that can't be an artist with my family there.
Life Lessons And Personal Truths
Matthew's Rose (56:52)
I don't but of course the good the good voice the smart voice my other ear said you better say yes, ma'am right now. So yes, ma'am. Anyway, it had to be the most wonderful thing for creativity as well. Yeah. When I'm doing as you know, I've done a lot of hardcore dramas that happen to be like R rated that my kids cannot see but how it's been great for me when I come on my kids five year old. So what's this? What's this movie about? And I've got to tell them in the version that can make it sound Fablek or make it sound where they're with it and they think it sounds really really cool and interesting in a G rated way. So that's been really good for my creativity to answer those simple questions from my kids when I get home from work or why are you doing this job? Why why why are you taking this role? Great. Thank you for asking me that. Let me see if I can give you a satisfactory answer. And if I can't it's another measurement that we see earlier or maybe I don't have this down yet. Yeah, you know, yeah.
Living life with balance (57:50)
I love that. That's beautiful because I think especially as someone as as successful an artist as you it's so easy to get wrapped up in like this is how I get the most creative or this is my optimal performance level or I know how to get in the zone and that can sometimes be our greatest block to actually getting into the zone in a completely different way. Yeah, I'm very much added a great mentor of mine who would tell me Matthew you work so hard and prepare so hard for seeing you love to go in any situation balanced both feet balance you love to go in like this. She goes I'm going to tell you this I dare you to start looking at life and your work right before you go into it get on one leg and see if you can find your balance because in finding your balance is when you're most alive in finding the balance the stable position is when life's a verb and you see life come and his life really happens, you know, and it was a great note not just to work but in life go into a situation and instead of coming in set locked in do the work that you know how to be sturdy and balance but go into it intentionally off balance and find your balance. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. I love that. I can't I can't in my head like applying that to a million things right now. That is so beautiful. I love that. I love the fact that when we're off balance, that's when we're most alive. It's when my most animated searching seeking like looking like as soon as you feel like you've got it, you know, it just that's beautiful. That's really beautiful. I love that and you're in your in your book in the last chapter you talk about the 10 goals you set out to achieve and we were just talking about your kids achieving things that you didn't see yourself achieving you had your life goals written out. Have you surprised yourself? Have you did you always feel convinced it was going to happen? Which ones have been the ones that surprise you and which ones are the ones were like, yeah, I saw that. Well, it's it's it's a funny thing. Here's why I didn't surprise myself because when I wrote those 10 goals down in 1989. I forgot about him the next day. I never looked at him again. God, I had written them. But obviously I didn't forget I wrote them because I accomplished all 10, although I consciously never looked at him again or remembered them even in a mental list in my mind. Wow. So I guess the best I can tell is that oh you wrote down some really true goals for yourself. McConaughey because you didn't even have to write them out. They were written inside you with the unwritten word because you accomplished them. Now look, there's something there that I pulled off. I'm like what in 1989, you didn't even know you were going to be an actor. You wouldn't even admit you want to be an actor and you wrote down you wanted to win an Academy Award for Best Actor. What? Didn't look at that for 28, 29 years and found it right in this book and I went. Okay. Want to be a father, keep God in my life, family, live a life I could look forward looking back. I had some pretty cool aspirations that for the most part I've have succeeded in some way in achieving. Yeah, it's special to see that and I love that that it was again planted as a seed, but you weren't obsessed about it in a practical way because it's that it's that obsession that almost makes you feel so far away from it. You know, if you're constantly like looking at every day going, oh, where is that? Where is that? And you're only looking at the Oscar. Whereas actually for you, it was that, you know, that pivot of like I've been doing these types of movies and I feel like I need to un-brahm. You know, all of that was what got you the Oscar. It wasn't obsessing over the Oscar.
Clarity of purpose (01:01:37)
You're exactly right. And look, your word purpose. It's let's deconstruct that in this way for myself as well as everyone else because that clarity of purpose to see something and go accomplish. I love that. Yeah, I need that. It gives me significance achievement. Now I can measure it. I wanted to do that today and I got that done. This is what I wanted and I got that. But it's a dance because not everything is like that and I don't if if if you have a for instance in my work, I wouldn't have gone and done work that was deemed excellent. I went in Academy order done whatever work I've done that anyone may deem excellent. I wouldn't have been as good at it. I wasn't as good at it until I had a family that came first. When it was my top goal, I was more result in her and it was more about the result. When I had family and I was like, oh, well, there we go. Now I've made it. Acting was number two. Didn't mean I worked any less hard at it. If anything I worked harder at but I was all about the process. I've gotten so many more results when I didn't give a damn about the result. It's like that, you know, best rounds of golf. You know, when you walk off the 18th hole and you're headed to the next tee box and they go, no, you finished the round. You're like, oh, I didn't even know it was over the run. Oh, yeah, you saw 63. What? Yeah, you know, my best work is when we wrap and I'm like, okay, everyone. I'll see you tomorrow morning. They're like, no, there is no tomorrow morning. The show's over. I'm like, oh, that's it. You know, it's the Bo Jackson. He didn't run across the goal line. He ran across the goal line through the end zone up the tunnel. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like extend your finish line to a place that you're like, oh, it's like now dealing with COVID. I think it's very good for us to think what if this is going on for another three years? We'll probably be able to engage engage somewhat normally before then. Yeah, but if I if I think that moment, I'm already starting to get my purpose and survival skills are coming to the forefront. I'm preparing if I'm thinking I hope it comes over tomorrow. I'm wasting 30% of my energy thinking is tomorrow the day and then I wake up. Oh, not today. Yeah. Okay, maybe tomorrow. No, not tomorrow. You're wasting energy. So it's a good practice. I think to put things way out in front of you that are beyond your reach. Yeah. So then they don't they don't stay in that first place. You can't quite grasp them. You can't they're not tangible and you'll actually probably achieve them have a better chance of achieving them. If you just put your head down and stay in the process.
I love that. I love that man. Everyone that is green lights by Matthew McConaughey. Make sure you grab the book. We're putting the link in the comments. I highly recommend it. If you want to be entertained and lightened and have an experience at the same time. It's a it's a perfect journey in that and if you want to learn more about someone that you've been watching for so many years and loving and appreciating then this is the book to go to. Matthew.
Biggest lesson from the last twelve months (01:04:42)
We end every episode with a fast five. These are the final five questions and they have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. So that's the deal and you've always been already been very generous with your time. So this is this is the last thing. So your first question is what was your biggest lesson from the last 12 months? Make sense of you when you're a default emotion.
Something you know to be true that others do not know (01:05:06)
Nice. I like it. Awesome. All right. Question number two. What's something you know to be true but other people would disagree with you on what something that you're like very confident about but people may may not agree with you. Spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a healthy constructive practice because there's only one person we're stuck with in this life. Spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a constructive trick with it. Don't pull the parachute in the discomfort. It will work it out. The monkeys on your back will finally start playing and then swinging from the trees in a right way and you will get organized. Don't pull the parachute in the discomfort. Stick through it because if you pull out too early when you're not getting along with yourself, it's going to bubble up in awkward ways later on and you're going to be forced to go through the pennant. So stick with it. You'll come out the other side. You'll shake hands with yourself and you realize there's only one person I can't get rid of and that's me. We better get along. I love that. That's great advice. I had many moments like that in my monk life. So I could definitely relate to sticking through that. Okay question number three.
Discussion On Risks And Superpowers
One superpower (01:06:23)
If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Invisible. That's the one. Yeah. I got it. I got to just take the easy low hanging fruit and go and then just say, okay, now that you're invisible, let's see if you can handle this great free. Yeah. That's a real tester there. That's the one that'll challenge somebody the most. What can you do with that power? It is true. It is true. You'd be trusted with that power. Yeah. Can you trust yourself with it and can you deal with what it exposes you to? Yep.
When does a risk not make sense (01:06:57)
Yeah. Those are challenges. Absolutely. All right. Question number four. When does a risk not make sense? Because as you were saying your father when you take risks, you started to take you've taken loads of risks in your life. You know, there's plenty of examples in the book. When does a risk not make sense? When it's for risk sake? It's like, you know, an eccentricity for eccentricity sake. Yeah. Like, well, what the hell is that for? Yeah. I like to see is there is there construction? Is there is this a constructive risk? Yeah. Is taking this risk? What can it pay? What can I get from it? Yeah. What will be the green light in this? What is my ROI? Return on investment of taking this risk and like I said, it's not a risk unless you can lose a fight. It's not really a risk unless you can lose a fight. Yeah. Well said. All right. Fifth and final question. If you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? It's not a law, but I'll say this.
Imagining New Laws
If you could create a law (01:07:58)
Great question for all of us to ask ourselves every day and it will change this answer changes. Great question to ask ourselves is this two words. I value question mark. Yeah, because we all, you know, I bring this up in the book about we all want to be relevant. Damn right. We do, but let's not forget to ask relevant for what what really matters. What's going to pick think long money? Not short money. What's the long ROI? What's the big eternal green light? You know, Tear yourself up for the future, you know, as much as you can, you know, yeah, I value is a great question that I think it's prudent for all of us to ask ourselves. I know it'll change. It'll change. The answer will change. Thank you so much for watching that video. If you enjoyed it, here's another one. I think you'll love. Do you talk us more in the past the present or the future? We all do all three, but we tend to have one we focus more on. Or do you think more people focus? Pause. That's right. And achievers focus on the future and happy people in the present.