PARIS HILTON ON: Overcoming Abuse, Toxic Fame & Finding REAL LOVE | Jay Shetty | Transcription
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When that happened, you know, I was 14 years old and he completely took advantage of his power as a teacher at the school and to be doing that to a little girl was just so wrong. The best-selling author and host. The number one health and wellness podcast. The one purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to Unpurpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier and more healed. Now, you know, my favorite thing in life is sitting down with people who are able to be open, vulnerable and honest about their experiences in a way that we can all learn from, in a way that we can all feel inspired by and empowered by in our own lives. And today's guest is someone who has a new memoir out. Now I've read this memoir, "Cove the cover." And I can honestly tell you, it is one of the most authentic, open, genuine accounts that I feel allow someone to claim back their narrative. And I recommend you read it as well. And I'm going to tell you who I'm sitting down with today. I have the fortune and honor of sitting down with the one and only, Paris Hilton, CEO, New York Times best-selling author, philanthropist, DJ, designer, recording artist, actress, host, model and influencer. Paris has defined and dominated pop culture, commanding her position as one of the most recognizable faces on the planet. I grew up watching her so I know very well. Paris is masterfully harnessed her self-made spotlight to architect a thriving entertainment and consumer products empire, which spans an impressive range of businesses and verticals, including TV, film, audio, music, publishing, licensing, consumer products, brand partnerships and so many more. In 2006, she created Paris Hilton Entertainment, a multi-billion dollar company consisting of 45 branded stores, 19 product lines and 29 fragrances that is amassed over $4 billion in revenue. In 2001, Variety declared Paris Hilton as a billion dollar entrepreneur in recognition of a successful business and global brand. Paris's new book is out now. It's called Paris, the memoir. I literally just finished reading it. And today we have Paris Hilton in the studio. Paris, thank you for being here. Thank you. Thank you for the introduction. Oh, I meant it. And congratulations. You know, whenever I sit down with someone who's written a memoir and I want everyone who's listening to really understand this because I think people see memoirs coming out and they see books coming out and you just, you kind of think like, "Oh, yeah, someone's just telling their story." And I think what I found really fascinating about yours is I can't imagine how hard it was to retell so many of these stories and to relive so many of them. And I just wanted to thank you for being able to go there so many times because I think even though in your own words where people may think that they don't relate to you, I actually think that the stories you tell are so much more relatable than people would expect. And I just want to thank you for sharing them so vulnerably. Thank you. Yeah. Very difficult and emotional, but extremely just therapeutic, just putting it all out there because it's so much that I've held on to for so long and so many things that I've never told anyone, like things I've never even wanted to say out loud because I didn't even want to think that they were real. But it's just been the most healing experience of my life. So you feel it's actually been, even though it's uneasy, it's actually been something that has been therapeutic. It's been healthier than unhealthy. Were there parts where you're like, "Oh gosh, I just need a break from this." Definitely. So many parts just because I've been through so many traumatic experiences in my life, so just to have to write them down and then doing the audio book was even harder having to say things out loud, especially in a room with three strangers I've never met before and having to tell my story. But I'm so happy that I did my audio book as well because I think it's important for people to hear the story from the person who wrote it. Yeah. That's such a great point too. Even having to say out loud for yourself, I think so many of us, we hold our truth so deeply buried inside of us and we might think it, but we never actually speak it out loud. And that's such a great example. I never thought about it like that. I think the other thing, before we dive in, I wanted to mention, which I loved about your memoir is you are so phenomenally observant. I almost feel like you had a Hawkeye. Well, you're able to find all these details. You're incredibly smart, phenomenally astute, just spotting these tiny details and patterns and connections and the stories you tell and the history you tell. I really enjoyed it. I literally felt like you were talking to me and I read it. I didn't listen to it and now I'll have to listen to it. But I read it and I literally felt like I was like this talking to you. Yes. Thank you. So it's hard to do that. It's hard to pull that off. So I just want everyone to know who's going to read it that you're really going to feel that where I wanted to start was you talked a lot about how and I think this is completely true. And most of us regret things that we didn't do, not things that we did do.
Overcoming Personal Struggles And Embracing Vulnerability
Trusting people too much can sometimes negatively impact us (05:19)
But you said in your 20s there are a few things you do regret and I was wondering whether regrets that you did do or didn't do and what were they? For me, I feel that everything that I've done in life has made me who I am and I'm such a strong person and especially after writing this book and just seeing my life story and everything that I've been through, I feel that I don't have regrets in life because it's made me the woman I am today. What made you say that I chapped with that? I think you were just like, I've got a couple of regrets. Even if they were silly ones, I'm guessing they weren't any big ones. Relationships, I wish I didn't meet certain people. I wish I didn't let certain people in my life that shouldn't have been in my life be pull up bad intentions because I, especially growing up, was just always just so trusting of everyone and would let anyone in and there's so many people who just didn't deserve that. Do you think you've got better at assessing and evaluating energy and intentions around you because of all your bad and negative experiences or you're saying, do you feel like you've found a better radar or is it just something that we all keep making mistakes on because it's so hard because what I read is you want to be a trusting person, you want to be a loving person, you want to feel loved like we all do. But have you found that you've got better at it? And if so, what would you say you've got better at in terms of sensing people's energy and intention? I think in the beginning, I was just un-experienced in life. So I really didn't know and I had been through so much in life. So I think I was just after the trauma that I experienced as a teenager, I was not, I don't know, I think in the right headspace to make decisions on being in a relationship. The first person I started a relationship with, I was not ready for that. And because of so many things that happened to me, my heart just had this huge wall around it for a very long time. And so many things that happened that it made me not trust anyone. And it wasn't until with my husband that I had those walls come down and I actually let someone in. But that took me a very long time just from so many life experiences that made that way.
Paris explains how fame and money can drastically change people (07:48)
Yeah. And I want to get to that because I want to talk about a lot of those things you just mentioned. But one line that really took me like kind of spellbound me in your book was everyone was under the spell of love and money. And when I read that, I was thinking about it and I was wondering kind of aligns with what you're saying here is that a lot of people with negative intentions or unhealthy intentions are often under the spell of love and money. And that makes them do crazy things. I mean, what were some of the craziest things you saw people do? Maybe not even to you, but what were some of those things that you saw when people were bound by the spell of love and money, as you say? What lengths have you seen people go to? I just have seen people change where money can just take over their mind and who they are as a person. And any values they have would just go to the side. To seeing people change, especially fame and money, I've just seen so many people come into this town, some people come and go, and the fame and the money get to their head so much where they become a different person and start thinking that they're better than others and treating others beneath them. And that's something that I hate more than anything. When someone is unkind to someone and treats someone as if they're lower than them, that's like one of the things that is one of my pet peeves. Yeah, it's interesting, right? You can't buy class. Like, fame and money can't buy class. I've always felt that way that when you see people come into those things, it doesn't change your taste or your habits or your values. It kind of just amplifies who you already are. I think I've heard many people say where it almost just, it almost exposes you for who you really are when those things come your way. Yes. I think you said in the book, or you've said once before when asked about self-esteem, and I really want to talk about the things that happen in your teenagers, but I think self-esteem is such a big topic in the world today, especially because of social media, especially because of so much self-judgment and self-criticism. And when you've been asked before, you've mentioned like you're good at pretending sometimes, or you have been good at pretending.
Opening up about your struggles and abuse is difficult but somehow rewarding (09:52)
And I wonder, when was it that you allowed yourself to stop pretending and really start working on it? What did that take? Because I feel like most of us, it's so much more easier to pretend and we hide behind it. But I feel like you claiming your narrative back in this book was almost saying, "Well, I'm not going to let what's happen to me define myself as steam. Would you say that's fair or?" Definitely everyone goes through that. And it took me a while just after what I had went through. My self-esteem was just destroyed from the things that were said to me and the abuse that I suffered when I was a teenager at these troubled teen schools. I don't even like to call them schools. And it wasn't until my documentary back in 2019 where I really started doing this whole path of self-discovery and really just talking about so many things I had never told anyone. And then with now my book, that was the second part of it because I wasn't even ready at that point to open up in ways I did. But I've just grown so much in the past couple of years and then getting married with my husband. And just my life has completely changed. And I'm going to be always forever so grateful to Alexandra Dean, the director of my documentary because that film literally changed my life. Making it change your life. Yes, in so many ways. And now really just turning my pain into a purpose and helping make a difference in other people's lives has just been so rewarding. And I feel that people understand me in ways that they didn't before. Yeah, yeah. And it just feels really good to finally be understood. I want to tap into some of those events because I actually think there's more people suffering in silence than people who are vocal about the pain and what they've been through. And I think that what I meant earlier, which I said this to you offline, but I want to repeat it here on the show that I think a lot of people for a lot part of your life see parts of your life is unrelatable. But then when you open up about these things in the book, I actually think I have a lot of friends and especially women that I know that have been through similar things that have never opened up and have held it tight or opened up to a couple of people. And so I'm hoping that with you opening up in this way, a lot of people will look at that and go, well, maybe I need to talk to someone or maybe I can reach out. So I wanted to talk about some of them. I mean, the first one that comes up is you have your teacher who you call Mr. Abercrombie, who's manipulating you and grooming you and making you think in a certain way. And it's really interesting because our teenage years are these years where we wait to be liked to feel likable or we wait for someone to desire us to feel desirable. And I think you're in like eighth grade. And he's preparing you in this way. And then he takes you in his car one night and he kisses you and pulls you into him. And it's completely against your will. You don't know what's going on at the same time. It's nice to be like wanted and you talk about that before. I can't imagine that being someone's first kiss to that degree. And you talk about how your parents kind of caught you.
Holding on to uncomfortable things and finding the courage to talk about it (13:27)
And of course, the book goes into a much more depth. I'm just synthesizing it for the question. But you didn't want to talk about it with them and they didn't talk about it with you. Like, what does it feel like when you hold on to uncomfortable things? What does that feel like? And then what gave you the courage to actually say, I need to talk about this. For me, that's just how my family was. Like, we didn't like to talk about things. When that happened, I was 14 years old and he completely took advantage of his power as a teacher at the school. And to be doing that to a little girl was just so wrong. And I'm so glad that my parents ended up driving out the driveway because who knows what he would have tried to do. And after that happened, I just didn't ever talk about it with my family up until a few weeks ago when I asked my mom. And I said, "That night that you caught me in the car and you were chasing me in the car and everything, did you know who that was?" And she said, "No." I was like, "Oh, I always thought my whole..." Since I was a teenager, I thought that she knew that it was that and she had no idea until now. She just thought it was some teenage boy. Wow. Up until like a couple of weeks ago. Up until a couple of weeks ago when she read my book. And what was her reaction to them in... When it was shock. She just couldn't believe it. She was in shock of so many things in the book. My sister and her, we just spoke about it in my house a few weeks ago and they were both just crying and saying, "I can't believe it. You didn't tell us any of this. I wish you could have came to us." But it's just... It's hard to talk about things. And especially when you're raised in that way where you don't really talk about anything that's hard, it's difficult. But I'm so glad that I finally got the courage to do it. And I know that my story is really important and I wish that I had this book back when I was a teenager because I would have definitely not felt so alone and misunderstood. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's really interesting, isn't it? Family, we feel so close to it. We all feel. And I think you do a really healthy talk about how no one's family is perfect, but you love your family, but then there's complex. And that's just... I think a lot of us have that experience where it's like our families would say the same thing, like, "Why didn't you tell me?"
The shame shouldn’t be on you, but on the person that hurt you.” (16:09)
But then at the same time, it's like, "Well, if I told you..." "You may not have reacted in a way that was helpful." Do you feel like when your mom read that, she felt some guilt or like, "How did she carry that?" She definitely felt guilty. I think as a kid, you're scared, like, "Oh, I'm going to get in trouble." And I think that's something that shame is such a powerful, powerful thing. And that's a really important message in my book. But the shame shouldn't be on you. It should be on the person that hurt you. And I felt like I just held on to so much shame my whole life because of other people hurting me. And it feels, I think, other people who've been through the same thing need to hear that as well. That is so powerful. I just want everyone who's listening or watching right now to go back and listen to that, because that, what you just said, is so true. I'm going to try and repeat what Parrish has said so beautifully that when someone else dumps something to you, the shame should not actually be something you have to feel and experience. It's actually on them. And yeah, I was noticing that I actually was, when I was making notes, it was like, "Shame and embarrassment are these constant themes in the book." And it's so interesting because all of us in our lives, we always feel embarrassed for someone else. What would my parents think of what I did? Or I felt so ashamed of myself for what someone did to me when actually what you just said is they should be feeling shameful of what they did. But like Mr. Abercrombie that day in the car just drops you off and runs away because they want to just run away from that. And you start to realize, actually, that person is feeling so much shame that they're trying to, they have to lie to themselves about it in order to escape it. But I love that. I hope that everyone who's listening just feels freed by recognizing that, that the shame you're feeling is actually for the person who hurt you to feel. And what really hit me was also just, again, talking about vocalizing things. You said it took you so long to even use the word pedophile. Because you didn't want to explain to us why it was important to use the word but why it took you long. I think that I had just been so manipulated by him and I didn't want to think of myself as a victim. But now as an adult, I look back on that and think of when I have a daughter one day and she's a teenager and if someone had tried to do something like that to her, I couldn't even imagine. And it just angers me. And I never had told anyone that story, but I know it's an important story because I know that's something that happens every day to people. I literally read your book as if I was reading you about my daughter. Like that's how I was like, and I don't have a daughter, but I was, I have a younger sister who I've always been very protective of. And to me, when I was reading your book, that's literally the lens, what you just said is how I read the book where I was just like, if this happened in my younger daughter or younger child, even son, like whoever it is, I can't imagine how upset I'd feel if I didn't keep that door open for them. And I just want to, you know, if there's any parents listening as well, I just hope that this inspires you to really keep that door open with your kids because it's so easy to judge them and it's so easy to make it out. You made every right decision and your kids are making bad decisions, but I promise you, you'll be so much happier if the communication lines are always open. I mean, speaking of communication with parents, you said there were some things that were difficult for your mom to discuss.
Children are so often scared to tell their parents about their struggles and they tend to keep it to themselves (19:39)
Obviously this was one of them. Like, what were the other things that you felt your mom really, like was just shocked by and just felt like she wished you could have spoken to her about it? My mom had me when she was 19, so she was a kid herself. And that generation, like, I think a lot of people really didn't talk about their feelings. Like, no one was talking about mental health. It was just, I think that generation is just how they were raised. So I could understand why she was that way. And now ever since she's read my book and watched my documentary and has learned so much me in that way, we've just never been closer. So it's been a really healing experience for both of us as well. Yeah, and I hope that encourages anyone who's felt like that for a long time, because like you're saying, most of us are not going to tell our parents what we're doing when we're doing it. Like, I was the same. I had so many secrets with my parents. Like, my parents never knew about any of the girlfriends I had. My parents never knew about anything that I was up to because I was scared of them being mad at me and upset with me because the line in my house was, "Focus on your education. Don't worry about girlfriends." And so as a young boy, all you care about is having girlfriends. And I was like, "Well, as long as I can get good grades, I'm just going to carry on doing all this other stuff." And it's interesting because I feel like even as we get older, we're still scared of our parents, right? It's almost like it never stops. And so it's so strange. Like my wife talks about this all the time. She talks about how she's still scared sometimes to tell her parents about what she's up to or whatever. I always feel like a teenager with my parents. I don't know why. That's just how it is. Yeah. And all of us feel that way. And it's so important that I think we get the courage even as adults because a lot of us are like, "Oh, that was the past. It doesn't matter." But actually, it will actually change the relationship you have with your parents when you can actually open up the lines of trust. On the flip side, you have the beautiful relationship with your grandma. That comes across in the book.
How does Paris view her grandma and what role she played in her life (21:52)
So like strongly and beautifully. When you speak about her, I feel like it just comes out the page and it's beaming and like your appreciation and your admiration for her is just this amazing thing. What would you say is a lesson that you think has stayed with you, that she taught you, that is like, that you still carry with you every day? Like what would you say that would be if you had to pick one? She was just a force of nature. Like just walk in a room and light it up and always made me feel so confident. And I remember when I was a little girl, she told me that she went to a psychic and the psychic said, "One day your granddaughter is going to be one of the most famous and most photograph women in the world." And she said, "I know that's going to happen one day and I just want you to always remain the same sweet, down to earth girl that you are with such a big heart and so kind and never let that get to your head." And that was something that I always kept close to my heart and nothing ever changed no matter what happened in my life. I always remain the same sweet person. And I think that's so important to be kind and that's something that she really instilled in me my whole life. I mean that sounds like a great thing everyone should tell their kids. I love all of that because it's almost like I believe in you. I know you're going to be successful but don't forget where you came from, who you are and how you treat people. Like that's what's foundational and really important. And yeah, we all need that figure in our lives. Whether it's a grandparent, an uncle, an aunt, a friend who reminds us of who we need to continue to be because it's so easy to get distracted. But what I think is really interesting is how you kept that mindset when... I know you don't like calling it a school and I agree from your description of the CEDU, right? CEDU. CEDU, yeah. One of them, Provocanion School. Cascade and a cent. Yeah. So looking at all of these facilities, even when they're taking you there, it almost feels like you're being kidnapped. Yes. You have handcuffs walking through an airport when you're not a convict or you know, you haven't done something illegal. And then it's even like when they explain it.
When everyone is telling you that you’re broken and you need to be fixed (24:10)
Like we're going to this place to fix you. And your reaction is there's nothing wrong to fix. Like what are you... What I'm fascinated by is like how did you hold on to the idea that there was nothing to fix when everything around you is programming you to believe that you're broken, you're wrong, and you're needing fixing. Like how do you not take that all in? I knew that I didn't deserve to be there. And you know, I wasn't a bad kid. I live a very strict life, very sheltered. Then I moved to New York City, started sneaking out, getting bad grades, and my parents talked to a therapist who recommended that I go to these emotional growth boarding schools. And they had no idea. They just thought it was a normal boarding school. And the way they take kids to these places is they have two men come into a room in the middle of the night and say, "Do you want to go the easy way or the hard way?" And literally hold up handcuffs. And this is how children are brought to these places. And it's extremely traumatizing. That's something that I had severe nightmares for two decades. It wasn't until my documentary and all the advocacy work that I've been doing that those nightmares have finally went away. But for me, I just always thought to myself that I know that I'm a good person. I don't deserve to be in here. And that was the only thing that kept me going was who I was going to become and what I wanted to be when I got out of there. Did you see other people break down? Like did you see other people around you just like, because I find that to be one of the hardest things where if you're being told you're broken, if you're being told you're wrong, if you're being told you're wrong and letting your parents down. And by the way, you're doing very normal things at this point. I think sneaking out, getting bad grades, getting in trouble is actually pretty normal for any teenage kid. And I had a tension deficit disorder, which no one knew because no one was talking about that either. So that's the reason I couldn't pay attention in school and was getting bad grades. And no one knew why. They just thought that I was purposely trying to not pay attention. But I just really couldn't focus. Yeah. Yeah. And it's incredible to think that. And I think this is what's coming out so much today where people who weren't able to focus at school because of ADHD or other challenges that they have are doing phenomenally well in business and in life. And it's like, you start to recognize that there isn't this correlation between it's not like, oh, if you did got good grades, you had a great career or great profession.
Turning your supposed ‘incapability’ into your own super power (26:59)
It could very well be the opposite. How do you find you've been able to, what's different about business than school, I guess, that you've been so passionate about and been so prolific at that you feel is different about how you were at pro-at school? I feel that my ADHD, I consider it my superpower. And I think that's why in business and everything that I've done, I've always been very future thinking and thinking outside of the box and being a risk taker and someone who is an innovator and pioneer. And I really attribute that to my superpower. Yeah. But how do you, I guess, not, how does not always being able to force yourself to focus actually become a superpower in business? Like that, how does that work? Being in a different way. And with ADHD, my doctor, Dr. Hilaro says that it's like having the brain of like a Ferrari with bicycle brakes. So you're kind of just always moving really fast and thinking really fast. And I think that's why in business I've done so many things first because I just, I don't know, just took a risk and I'm impulsive. Yeah. And that's interesting, isn't it? Because it's almost like in school, everything has to have a process and a method and a approach where sometimes in business actually trying something out and being impulsive or making a intuitive decision can actually work out. Whereas being intuitive school is not valued at all. Yeah. I think I just found it to be boring. Besides, I loved art class, about music class, but math was not my favorite. Yeah. So I was in a different subject at school where art and design philosophy and I enjoyed economics because of how it was taught. But art and design and philosophy were by far my favorite subjects at school. And it's really interesting because when I was at school, all I'd ever hear is, "Jade, those are dumb subjects to focus on. Don't focus on those subjects. They're not going to get you a job." And now when I look at my life, I feel like my entire life is art and design philosophy and economics. Yeah. So that's literally it. And so it's interesting how we all have strengths that we miss out on. I wanted to roll back a few years because the experience that you describe about meeting the guy in the mall, and then it's almost like you go through this experience and you wake up there, you wake up and you're like, "You know what's happened, but again, it's another moment where you don't want to tell anyone about what's happened." And I just feel every time I was reading a book and I read these points, it was like a punch in the gut for me. I was just like, "I can't believe it." That something keeps happening that is not something that you're inviting or encouraging and it's someone taking advantage.
Paris recalls how she was abused and how she tried to hide it because of shame (30:01)
It's someone going far beyond any point of consent. And again, you're having to hold on to it. Can you walk us through that and just talk again about what it feels like to have to hold on to something the second time around, especially when this is like from your first kiss to your first sexual experience, how does that keep accelerating internally? What's going on internally? That was another thing in my book that I had never told anyone. After that happened, I never said it out loud again and just tried to forget it. And my friend and I were at the mall when I was 15 and a half. And we had met these two older guys that we had seen every weekend there and they got our numbers and invited us over. And I had never drank alcohol in my life before and he had these wine berry coolers. His wine coolers and kept telling me to drink it and pressuring me and I kept saying no. And then it was like it's open, just do it. So I had a couple of steps and then it was roofied and knocked out and woke up with him on top of me and whispering, you're dreaming, you're dreaming. And that was just terrifying to go through. And something that I felt ashamed for when again, that was not my fault. This was someone who took advantage of a young girl. And how did it feel like a second time thinking I can't tell anyone again? I guess my question is with with shame and embarrassment keep cycling in this way. Do you feel like you literally held onto that shame and embarrassment until the doc and the book, like would you say you've carried it for that long? And what does that feel like as it festers? It's extremely isolating to feel alone just like that no one knows but it's something that you're holding onto and yeah, it was something that I held onto until I wrote it in my book because I know that has happened to so many other people. And ever since I've released my book, so many people have written me letters and contacted me on social media or met my book signings that have went through the same experience and they were all thanking me for them not feeling alone and them being able to talk about it for the first time and hold the people accountable for what they did to them. And why do you think we do that? Why do you think we don't keep those people accountable but we see it as our mistake or our, again, you walk away thinking, I'm such an idiot or I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have done that. Why do you think that is, why is it that we just reflected back onto ourselves seeing as you've gone through things like that? I don't know why we do that. I wish I knew why but I think when people can talk about things like this and it makes others feel safe to be able to talk about it as well. And that's something that I'm working on every day, just all of this. This is like I've been healing but there's so much there and I've now put it out to the whole world and it's just, it's been hard just talking about it and just thinking about it. But again, I know it's important for others to hear. We're so quick to judge others. So when we hear about these things, if it's never happened to us, we always think, oh, that they could have avoided it. And then when it happens to you, you reflect that judgment onto yourself and you think, oh, I could have avoided it. And so it's almost like the more we judge others and we're quick to judge others, we actually judge ourselves more and the more we judge ourselves more, the more we are judging others and it kind of becomes this vicious cycle where we judge ourselves, we self-sabotage, we self-criticize, then we judge others, we criticize them, we point fingers and it just keeps going around. It's almost like if we gave ourselves more grace, we'd give others more grace and if we gave others more grace, we'd give ourselves more grace. And I do think that when people tell their stories, like I can't relate or say I've gone through anything that you've gone through, but hearing your story and I'm sure for the people who have been victims and have gone through these things, I'm hoping that it creates a sense of empathy and compassion and grace for everyone because I think the reason we don't tell everyone is because we think that they somehow think it was our fault. Would you judge you? Yeah. And have you felt this time when you've opened up through your book, do you still feel that there's been judgment back? Because I know in the past when things have happened, there's been a sense of like you've talked about before, like the idea of when you were when you're seen as a sex symbol, it's like you're like, I like the symbol part because that's like iconic, but it's like when people start labeling you, would you say that this time when you're sharing the book, you felt that people have really received it well through the book as opposed to other ways or do you still find that there's still some judgment that's always going to be there?
Finally getting the understanding you deserve for going through so much suffering as a child (34:58)
The reaction to the book has just been incredible, just overwhelming with so much love and support and just the things that people have said to me at the book signings and every single interview and people are just, it just feels amazing to finally be understood and have people respect me and have empathy and kindness and feel, because I had played a character for so long, people had no idea and now they know that there's so much more to me and that's been incredible if I haven't felt any negative energy at all, so that's just been the best feeling ever. That makes me so happy. I'm so happy to hear that, honestly. Congratulations, you deserve that and little Paris deserves that too and I'm so happy to hear that because I think being understood is the hardest thing and especially being understood for the trauma that's unseen, like everyone sees the page six or sees the song cover or sees whatever but no one really sees the inner child that actually went through all of this because that's the part of you that the character's covering, the character's not covering the truth, it's covering the inner child that's experiencing all of this and is not mature enough and not smart enough and not ready enough to endure so much suffering and so much pain. Is your inner child feel safer now or how do you think about your inner child with the healing work that you're doing? Finally, feel safe with everything. My husband is just so incredible, having my little baby boy, I just feel that my life is complete. Finally, I just feel that I've built a real life and I'm just so proud of everything that I've accomplished and just reading my story and survivor and I'm a bad ask. I love that. I mean, you definitely are. You definitely are. And you see it, it's challenging because there's so many people that the media kind of naturally picks on in that way and sometimes it's good for business and sometimes it makes sense for the character but there's always more going on and I feel like you and even someone who's your close friend like Britney Spears as well, like if both had the kind of tabloid, click bay articles, etc, etc, etc. And I think you went to a wedding last year too and you've stayed strong even though sometimes the media pits you against each other or does that. How have you managed because I feel like there's something really interesting that's happened in culture when you started influencing using that word from your book. There was a lot of like even even for actors back in the day and musicians, what I've heard is it was like, well, you can, you are the only influencer and everyone else can't be. If they come up, then you're going to go down. I had a lot of actors tell me that what they were told is you have to be the number one black actor and if your friends were the other black actor, then you can't be friends because people are going to choose one of you. And I feel like that happens in culture and race.
Getting women support from other women as a celebrity (38:44)
It happens in careers. It happens in industries. How did you manage to keep a real friendship with Britney during a time when all of this is happening to both of you at the same time? Like how do you keep a genuine relationship at that level where you're both these huge tabloid targets? For me, because we understand each other and she's one of the kindest, most down to earth people and is just so lovely. I think it's important when women support each other because we're all in this together and I think the 2000s were definitely about trying to pit women against each other in the media and they were so cruel to us and targeted us and it was really difficult to have to deal with just the constant pressure from the media and people inventing stories and paparazzi chasing and it was just really crazy time. But it's important when they have friends around you that can understand that because they go through the similar experiences. Yeah, I think that's the hardest part. There's only like 1% of people who are having any given experience and that applies across the board and it's like if you're not friends with people who are going through the same thing and have the courage to open up to each other, you can feel so alone. And it's amazing that you've been able to maintain that because it almost feels like as more rumors get told, you're more scared. Is that, would you say that's fair? Like, do you feel as more comes out about you, that's not true? You become more fearful of how people view you. I think in the book you talk about one point, like, like every room I go into, I know what people have seen or what they know. I guess my question is how has that stopped you from just closing off and hiding and actually going, well, no, I'm still going to be who I want to be because I can imagine that when you walk in already feeling like you have a big sign on your forehead, it's hard to walk into new places. But you keep doing it with business. You keep walking in the boardrooms. You keep walking into new environments. How have you found that strength? It's just from being in this business for so long. Also, what I went through as a teenager at these schools just made me, I think, prepared me for Hollywood in a way because I had just been through such abuse that literally I could take anything. You build a tough skin when you're constantly around this, for sure. The abuse in the schools was worse. Yes. So it definitely prepared me for anything. Are you still friends with anyone who went to the schools that you kind of stayed connected with and have they kind of found themselves again? I reconnected with some of the people that I was there with. And it's just been amazing just to come together and tell our stories and just have made so much impact. And now I've changed laws in nine states and now going back to Washington, D.C. in two weeks to introduce our new bill to push for federal legislation. So it's just been really empowering just to meet with people that have been through the same thing as me and who knew me before all of this and now to really views our voices and now saving children's lives. I'm so glad that we're talking about this on purpose because I feel like that is such a journey of pain into purpose. And I think you said in your book that actually when you started helping and doing this work and not just doing this work of trying to help the people who went there but trying to change laws so that people never end up there in the first place, that approach is when you actually started to feel like you were healing. Yes.
Advocacy For Change And Personal Relationships
Pushing for a change in schools where abuse are happening (42:38)
When you're actually not just trying to heal yourself or when you're trying to help others, that's when you really felt it, can you walk us through how hard it is to try and push forward a new bill or change legislation in nine states? Like can you walk us through like just how technically challenging that is and what you come up against because I don't think we always hear these announcements but I don't think people know what goes into that. This is every day of my life. Working I have Rebecca Melinger who's my head of impact at 11/11 media and we are constantly speaking with senators, traveling, going and telling my story. I've been back and forth to DC and this is a multi-billion dollar industry. So there's- The schools. Yes. There's thousands of these schools. There's hundreds of children that have died in these places. Just the reports we have of abuse and there's no regulations and it's just a lot having to go in there and really push for this because people don't understand they don't know what's happening behind closed doors and since it's such a profitable industry, it's also difficult because there's so many people that are trying to fight us against it. But when I actually go there and speak to them face to face and they hear the stories of myself and the other survivors that I bring with me, that's when they understand what's happening and when people know that that's happening and they can't just ignore it. So everyone that we've been speaking to when they hear and we actually go there, that's when it really makes a difference and I think that's why we've been so impactful. What do you say to survivors or of the schools or even people that you mean who've been through abuse? What do you, what, how can a friend help someone, a friend in their life who's gone through some sort of abuse?
It’s helpful to know that you have friend who listens to you and you have a safe space where you can feel at ease (44:47)
Like how do you be a good friend to that? Because I can imagine that a lot of people are listening right now going, I don't want to say to my friends because I've never been through it. I don't know how to connect. Like what's helpful? It's just helpful to know that they can tell you and they'll be there for them and not judge them and let them know it's not their fault and just being able to talk about it and having a safe space where you can make them feel supported and just know that you're there for them and whatever they need. And what do you think like really creates that safe space because I feel for so many people we think we're so close to so many people but you almost figure out that you're not. Only a few people you can, and then you even name some of your closest friends who've kind of been through the same stuff. But like what really defines a safe space for you? You know what is, you've talked about the relationship that you have with car to your husband and the space you have right now but what has made it safer? Like what's actually created that environment differently now than you've ever had? So I have people around me that I can trust and it's definitely about knowing that when you say something the people are not going to go and repeat it. So that's something that I've just learned over the years even before I would test people in my life and tell them some fake rumor and then just see if it would end up in page six or in the media and that was a big test back in the day that I would do with people and a lot of people failed that test. And now I don't have anyone around me that I would even have to worry about that with and that's something that's really important to me is trust because trust and loyalty is priceless to me. That's such a great test. Yeah. That's such a great test. Yeah. If anyone's wondering if you have a real friend tell them a fake rumor about yourself and see if it comes back to you. Exactly. That's like, wow, what was the fakest thing you ever said? Do you remember? What was like a rumor that the ones you pushed the boundaries on? I don't even remember.
Finding it difficult to deeply connect with someone because of fear and past trauma (47:00)
Maybe just like, oh, there was like a guy or something like I have no idea. Something stupid and then I would end up and I'd be like, oh man. How does it feel? Because at one point in your book, I think, you know, you talk about this reputation that you developed in the media of like, oh, she sleeps around. She's always with lots of men. And then it's like, and you're like, well, that just wasn't the case. Was there a part of you that it was just that was part of the character and it worked? Or was there a part of you that just felt, no, that's not true. I want people to know. Like, how did you process that? I just knew that it wasn't true. And in the media, anytime I was seen with someone at a party or whatever, people would just assume that that was the case. But no one had any idea what I had went through that had made me really fearful. Like, even though I was known as the sex symbol, I didn't feel that way inside at all. And I was so scared to let people in. That's why a lot of my relationships didn't work because I was like a teenager in a way where I only would want to kiss and make out and that was it. And a lot of people wouldn't be able for themselves to stay loyal because all I would do was kiss and they wanted more. And then the media, they just assumed that it was a lot more wilder than it really was because in reality, it was actually quite innocent. Yeah. And did you just accept that? You just realized you couldn't change that narrative and it was going to be what it was going to be or was it something you didn't pay attention to? I just tried just to not pay attention to things. I just feel that the media just always was constantly inventing rumors about me. And I just felt like a target a lot of the times because I just felt that it was myself and then a certain group of girls that they would do this to. What I find the most amazing thing is even in this interview, so many times you've said I'm in a better place now. I mean, and I know you're saying they're still healing. I know you're not saying it's figured out and it's perfect. I don't think that's what you're saying. But what I'm hearing is like, I've worked through things. I've found a good partner. I'm in a healthy space. I think the hardest, hardest thing after going through all of these things from an outside perspective is how do you trust another man? It's like you've had all these men who've abused you, mistreated you, who've exploited you with the sex tape, who've used your image in ways without even ever consulting or any sort of consent. And it's like you've gone through all of this. How do you even think about dating someone, lettering someone for real? Because I feel like that requires so much of yourself. And although you're sitting here and obviously you're a new mom and I'm so happy, but I can only imagine that. And I've had people, by the way, ask me this question when I'm on tour where they'll say to me, "J, I've just been so abused or mistreated. How do I love again? How do I trust again? How have you continued to believe in real love and real trust and loyalty when you've seen the complete opposite your whole life?" It was extremely difficult just not being able to let anyone in for so long. And with Carter, I wasn't even looking for love at this point. This was back in 2019. I went home to the Hamptons for Thanksgiving and I saw Carter that day, Thanksgiving lunch. And he was just so sweet and kind of his mom and it was just so different than all the other guys. And he's a midwestern boy from a town of 800 people. And he's just this sweet, nerdy, cute, just kind person who doesn't care about fame or any of this. He's just so the opposite of everyone that I've ever known and just has this incredible family values and is just this angel. I really believe that my grandmother and his dad are up in heaven and planned for us to meet. Because right away it was just so different and this electricity that I had never felt. And it was literally like we were inseparable right away. We moved in with each other and then the world shut down in March. So then we were really together. Before that, I'd been on the road and traveling over 250 days out of the year for two decades. So I never really had time to get to know someone because I was always on a plane. So just having to be in one place and not the world shutting down and it was just me and him together. And the times during COVID, like one year of that is like seven years of my normal life because my life is usually so busy with everything I'm doing. So all of that has just been like, I don't know, it's just been so different than any other relationship where I just felt like this is my destiny. That's beautiful. Congratulations. So happy to hear that. I can see you come to life and there's a glow when you're talking about Carter, which is really beautiful to see. But how and when did you start feeling comfortable with talking to him about what had gone on? Because I'm guessing that was a safe space, probably the first time you'd felt it from someone you were close to. What was that process like? Because I can imagine it's also really scary to be like, I found a really great thing.
Finding genuine love and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and intimate with another person (52:54)
Now I'm going to share what my real trauma is and challenges is and how does this affect like, well, that person stay? Well, they run away. These are like the real things real people think about. How did you get? How did you start sharing what you'd been through? And when did you start feeling like you wanted to do that? It was just I feel that timing is everything. And I had just finished filming my documentary when we started dating. So I was already going through this whole just like emotional journey. And then I showed him my documentary and he was the first person I had showed it to. So he learned so much about me from that. And then he just started asking me so many questions and since I had already opened about it in the film, I felt like that really prepared me for being able to speak about it in real life to people. Do you remember an interesting question he asked you about your experience that you felt like really brought you both closer together? Like was there something specific that he asked about that when you and what was your answer and one that something that brought you closer together than you were before that? Yeah, I think it was just the way he was. He just actually listened and he started crying during certain parts of our conversation because he felt just so emotional for what I had went through. And just to see someone cares that much really just made me trust him even more. Just to know that he cared so much to even have a conversation like that because I feel like I had never really had such a deep conversation with someone before. You said that you don't cry about a lot of this much anymore. But when did you really allow yourself to cry about it and feel it through? When was that opportunity you gave yourself? A lot of times I would cry just after going through things in life and just feeling so alone, just coming home at the end of the night and having no one to talk to about it. Just a lot of times in my life and especially after my documentary and writing my book, just rereading all of that has just been so emotional just to have to feel it all. Yeah, you even spoke about hiding your pregnancy from your family and that was something that you and your car kept to yourself. When I first learned about that, that was so interesting to me because it seems like in one sense your life since you were young has been so public and so broadcasted and so overly commented upon and been out there and then almost you're having this really precious personal beautiful moment. My interpretation was that it was a protection of like, no, this needs to be personal and private and sacred and special.
Why living a very public life made Paris more protective of her own family (55:57)
Is that what was going through your mind of why you wanted it to be so private? How did that decision come about where it's like, no, well, actually this is the one thing that is going to be that way? I just felt that my life has been so public for over two decades of being in this whole industry and with my baby, I just felt that this was something that I didn't want all the outside opinions from the world or just the online trolls or anyone talking about my son until he was here in this world and it's healthy and safe and I just feel like I wanted to keep that for me. So no one knew about it until he was literally a week old. Wow. What's the pleasure in public broadcast and what's the sweetness in private, sacred, personal experience? Talk to me about the difference of the joy you get from like being in media and being on stage, being in front and center and then what's the difference in how it feels when you get to have a special experience like that. I just want everyone to hear because I think those are two things we crave and chase. For me, I love to make other people happy and feel that energy and love and it's just an amazing feeling but then to be with my baby boy and just have him laying on my chest and looking up at me and I with his innocent eyes and this little sweet precious angel who's just my world. So there are two different feelings. Like one is just exciting but then the other one is actually just true real love. And I feel that for so long I always considered all of that type of attention, love but now I know what real love truly is. Wow. Yeah. That hit. Yeah. That hit. When everyone to take that away that we often think of attention as love. We think of validation as love. We think of compliments as love. Love actually isn't any of that. Those are just almost like fake currency or fake money. And yeah, real love is what you're experiencing now with your baby boy and with car to run with yourself at the deepest level. Like do you feel that we hear these words like self love and self care all the time now. They're all over the world. But how do you define self love now? Like do you feel like this is the first time in your life that you've allowed yourself to love yourself or have you loved yourself throughout all of this? It's the first time I've gotten to know myself so therefore I could really love myself because I feel that for so long I was just very lost. And I had been through so much that I was just living such this fast paced life that I never even had time to think about anything and I think I purposely made myself so busy that I wouldn't have time to think about anything that that I'd went through in my life. And now I've gotten getting to know myself and just feel so many different feelings. Now I truly can love and know every part of me. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I'm really hoping to be as a mother now like having you know you've had an interesting relationship with your own family which you talk about in the book so much. I think we all have complex relationships with our own parents and family and we love them. We appreciate them and then the certain decisions there's a you know you talk about how like you know at one point you wish that your parents would just say sorry we did that but then you've learned to understand that they may never get there. How does that how have you become okay with that? I will get to the mothering but how have you become okay with that because I think for a lot of people that's the hardest thing where it's like my parents were wrong they made a mistake they should be sorry they should be accountable but you are actually saying I do feel all those ways but at the same time I actually feel like that's okay that's their journey and that's their story and I'm okay with that. How do you because that's a real nuanced subtle place to be. How do you become okay with that? For me just knowing everything I know now I think for when I was a teenager and I was sent away I was so just sad and I was angry but now being an adult and just doing all my research and now finding out that these schools are completely manipulative and they lie to the families and have all this false advertising and fake brochures and just it's such an evil industry and my parents had no idea and they were tricked and that's something that I realize now and so I can't be angry at them because they were just trying to do what they thought was right. Yeah that requires a lot of maturity though that requires a lot of looking at the context because I find like when you don't have that context it's so easy to be in conflict with someone but when you actually create that context and you zoom out and you go wow like this is a big industry so many people have been brainwashed so many people have been marketed to and so many people have been made to believe that this is the best thing for their kids to the point that you're on the phone and they're still saying no no no just work the program and how does that affect how you want to be a mother because I can imagine that it makes you want to be really protective and at the same time like you've also lived a life where you know the benefits of exploring like you talk about in the book multiple times of like you're happy you party you're happy you went out like you're not you're not upset with that and then it's like how do you think about with becoming a mother and how you plan on raising a child like how do you think about protecting versus also exploring and curiosity and how that how you help a child with all those crazy decisions we will have to make.
Parenthood can completely change you and make you understand your parents better (01:01:59)
Now that I'm a parent I can completely understand just if I had a daughter and she was sneaking out in the middle of the night in New York City and I had no idea where she was I would be so terrified so I can completely understand just how my parents were just scared because they were just trying to protect me and I think that's a hard part because you just want to protect your children so much and I think when you're so strict it just makes them want to rebel so I don't know I think I'm definitely going to be strict I'd hope that my little Phoenix does not rebel but at least I'll be more prepared because of everything that I've went through and also I won't be able to be tricked about sneaking out or any of that because I know everything. I'm hoping that he will just feel so safe that he'll be able to tell me anything or he won't want to hide anything because I think that's when kids will sneak out or do things or lie because they feel like they can't talk to you. Yeah I think that's what it is that that really resonated for me every kid in the world is going to make bad mistakes and bad choices and bad decisions I mean it's I don't know anyone who hasn't but if you feel safe enough and comfortable enough to tell your parents and you don't feel like you have to hide from them then you can actually solve stuff with them and you don't feel judged by them that makes the world of a difference. It's funny what you said there like you're like he's never going to be able to get away with anything because you're the ultimate he is your son so you never know like he might be he's going to be super smart as well and now exactly how to play the game. You said in your documentary that you don't believe you will be truly happy until you have one billion dollars how's that goal changed how is that metric changed.
Self-Empowerment And Personal Growth
Does money truly translate to having complete freedom (01:04:23)
Before I had such a focus on money because I really saw that as freedom because that was something I said to myself when I get out of here I'm going to become so successful make so much money that no one will be able to control me or tell me what to do but now I've just become so successful and everything I've created with my media company and all of that and I'm so proud but that's not my main focus I care more about babies and billions. Babies over billions. Yes. I can have both.
Believe in manifesting who you truly want to become and it shall happen (01:05:24)
I love that. One of the things that I really struck me in your book and I'm happy to hear that shift in gold that's beautiful I think one of the things that shifted you said this and you talked about how you got robbed of time and then you said the only way you got through and I thought this was so true and so powerful and that's what I want to share with everyone. You said the only way you got through the school specifically you're talking about the school at that time but assuming pretty much everything in your teens that you went through in your twenties you said I created a future world a future self and a future life without boundaries and that's how you survived. Can you walk us through what that means like how were you in this almost in prison like it sounds that way the way you described it but creating a future world a future self and a future life what does that look like when you're in prison chaos like pain how are you doing that? I was just so just sad and depressed and it was just so horrible of what I was going through every single day that I just started just creating in my mind of this whole life that I wanted and what I wanted to do and I got out of there and just building this kind of most fantasy life of who I could be and I really do believe in manifestation and really manifesting who you can become because I really believe that I did that and it all started from just so much pain and then wanting to turn it into something positive. How much of it happened the way you imagined it versus how much of it has actually been better than you imagined or less than because yeah I'd love to know. I always had big dreams but I had no idea it would ever be on this level and it was just it's been such a journey just everything that I've went through like when I was a little girl I wanted to be a veterinarian and then moved to New York and just saw just this whole other world of business and everything and think that just sitting there and having time just to really think about everything and I always dreamed of having one perfume and now I'm about to release my 30th and it's just that I feel like everything I've really put my mind to is came true. And that was just your focus so when you're in that school facility and you're going through all of this your mind's just there is that literally you just sit there and visualize it. It was like an escape definitely otherwise it would have just been so hard to go through if I didn't have dreams of what I wanted to do. And would you say that was the same technique with one of the things that hit me was like you know you felt good things happening and enrolled before and then you know specifically in the example when you're talking about simple life comes out it's going to come out. You're excited about it the sex that comes out straight after all of a sudden everyone's you know tearing your part taking you down it's the worst things happen where you know it's put up in a grocery store side you know this you talk about all of this in the book and I'm thinking you're just feeling like you've got through the tough time your life's on track and then all of a sudden it's like this something goes back in your face again I'm like how did you just I constantly when I was reading the book I was just like how do you get up from this right like was it again the same visualization and manifestation that helps you break through that or what helps you overcome and reframe that because I think that would just knock people out forever. I thought was one of the most painful experiences to go through just to have been with someone and really loved and trusted them and something that was one night of your life where you'd never thought anyone would see it and then the whole world is watching and judging and just being so cruel and it was just mortifying and I didn't leave my house for like months and I didn't want to see anyone I canceled the press tour for the simple life I just was it was so just painful to go through that and just to have the whole world just knowing that everyone was watching it and just felt like he took away something from me because I had always looked up to these amazing women and like Princess Diana and just felt that because of what he did to me the whole world would always assume that I was something that I wasn't just based upon one night was someone who I really trusted.
Going through a painful moment and finding the courage to be brave enough to take control of your life (01:09:06)
What's the first step you took outside your house? What gave you the courage to do it and how did you realize I'm not going to let that person define my narrative? It definitely took a while for me to feel brave enough to go out there and my first thing that I did was actually Saturday Night Live with Jimmy Fallon and I feel like I took control of the narrative there just with that script with how they wrote it I thought it was just really... Yeah you're sharing the book really well. Just a funny way to I don't know how to describe it but I just felt like I was taking control of my narrative in that way. Yeah when I read your story and when I listen to them like here's someone who has just never backed down like never given up and I think this book which I encourage everyone who's listening to read I really do because I think when we see things in the news they're very different to when you see it from the viewpoint of the person going through it. Yeah. And I just want everyone to think about for a second just how you feel when your friends think something differently than the truth or how you feel when your parents or maybe you live in a bigger community and they all think something of you that wasn't true or they see something about you and they react to it differently and you know inside of you how you feel when your narrative is taken away from you and it's stripped away from you and another narrative is placed on you. I think everyone in the world knows what that feels like on some scale and some level and I hope that it allows us to see that nuance in everyone else. It's not saying that anyone's perfect or anyone's amazing. It's saying that can we just accept that there are two sides to every story that there are there's countless hidden truths that we never discovered that we're not aware of and that there's nuance to everything. There's subtleties to everything and that everything isn't how it's made to seem in the way it's presented and if we could just give people the benefit of the doubt we'll probably give ourselves the benefit of the doubt as well. Definitely. It's a lot of triple quights cover. Yeah and we all do that all the time. Paris, it has been such a joy talking to you today because I really appreciate your trust. I know you haven't done a lot of interviews and you haven't.
Paris on Final Five (01:13:18)
I really appreciate value your trust and your team's trust in me and having this conversation with me today really means a lot to me having read your book to actually get a sit with you and we end every episode with a final five. These are five questions that have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. So short answers. You're very good at taglines and all the rest of it so this should be easy for you but Paris Hilton these are your final five. Question number one is what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? You only live once and make the most of it. Okay and what's the worst second question? What's the worst advice you've ever heard or received? The worst advice that I've ever seen is when people say to care so much about the opinions of others. I feel that in my life that I used to just care so much about what others think and I think it's just important to care only about people in your life that love and care about you think and not others who are not good people. Question number three how would you define your current purpose? My current purpose is to make the world a safer place for children. Oh that's a beautiful purpose. Thank you for doing that. I feel so grateful that that's your purpose. I think that's such a need in the world right now and the legislations and the bills and that's the only way it's really going to happen to make sure that it doesn't happen in the first place in a proactive way. So that's really beautiful. If you had a message or an intention or something you would say to the people that have hurt you and made you feel like you were the one who had to be shamed and embarrassed what would you say to them? You should be ashamed of what you've done and I hope that you read this book and you never do it again. Thank you. Great answer again. I think it's so interesting to really feel remorseful and to really feel sorry means to really try your best to live through the pain you caused someone. I don't think you can never really take, you can never take back what you did and you can never, to be honest, you're sorry and your remorse can never really repay the other person and I'm guessing you've had to do all this work without any apologies or remorse right or has there ever been any apology or remorse from any of these people or never? No. Never. I think that's probably one of the most incredible lessons from this book is that there's a famous quote that says, "We should learn to accept apologies that we've never received." And it seems like that's what your work is doing, that you've learned to accept apologies that actually never came your way. And I love what you said about people reading the book to really understand how much they can potentially wreck and ruin someone's life, especially a young person. Fifth and final question, you'll like this one. If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be? My law would be that everyone has to do one kind thing every single day. Beautiful. I feel that. The more things that people do, the better place the world will be. I love that. Paris, thank you for being here. Thank you for writing this book. I want to ask you a question. Is there anything that's on your heart and mind that I haven't asked you about, that you really wanted to share, that I want to open it up, give you that space? Is there anything you'd like to share? Anything I haven't asked you that you feel is really front of mind or front of heart for you? It doesn't have to. I can't think of anything. Great. That's good. That's a good thing. That makes me happy. I just wanted to honor it because I really feel you've been so giving and kind and generous through your story. I want everyone out there who's listening and watching to go and grab a copy of the book, Paris, the memoir. Give it to a friend who's gone through something or you might know they've gone through something and they're not sure how to process it. They're thinking about it. They're struggling with it. I think that this book is going to open up some incredible conversations about abuse, about ADHD, about connection to our families, and parents, about rediscovering ourselves. And I hope it starts that conversation for you and your friends. Paris, thank you again. Thank you. So happy I came on this. You're awesome. Thank you. You're very cute. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.