The BIG SIGNS You've Found THE ONE... (Find The Perfect Relationship) | Jay & Radhi Shetty | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "The BIG SIGNS You've Found THE ONE... (Find The Perfect Relationship) | Jay & Radhi Shetty".

1970-01-05T22:46:48.000Z

Note: This transcription is split and grouped by topics and subtopics. You can navigate through the Table of Contents on the left. It's interactive. All paragraphs are timed to the original video. Click on the time (e.g., 01:53) to jump to the specific portion of the video.


Introduction

Intro (00:00)

be around people that you're thinking about being with in an environment where they're just being themselves. Because chances are if you like them the way they are when they are with other people, then you're likely to love them when they're with you too. How did we meet?


Starting A Relationship And Understanding Love Languages

How did we meet? (00:14)

Okay, so how did we meet? Do you want to tell the story? No, you tell it. No, it's okay, you can tell it better. Okay, I'll tell it. Okay, so we, the first time I actually met Ravi was before I became a monk. And I met her very briefly. I thought she was beautiful and, and attractive, but I didn't really think anything of it. Like I just, I genuinely just was so focused on what I was doing at life at that time. And I was so spiritually inclined and spiritually focused that I literally didn't think anything of it. Yeah, and my mom introduced me to you. Yes, so I should tell that story. Yeah, so actually I met Ravi's mom even before I met her. Yeah. And so I was training to become a monk, and I met Ravi's mom, and I was asked to show her how to do a particular service at the temple. So I had to take her around, etc. Now the incredible thing about this is that that is the only time while I was there that I was ever asked to show another person how to do this service. So the one day that I had to show someone how to do this particular service, this voluntary service at the temple, it was the one day that her mom turned up. And at that time, I didn't know she had a daughter. I didn't know anything about this lady. I was like, oh, she's around my mom's age. Yeah. And and she was, she was wonderful. And we got along, but I was just showing her what to do. And then literally didn't speak to her. No, and then my mom wanted me to get more involved in, and I really wanted to get more involved in like the spiritual side of my life. And so she met him and wanted me to get introduced to the youth community there. And so she passed on my number to you, but you passed on to your sister. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I passed around to my sister. I was like, no, I need to stay focused, do my thing. And my sister is very spiritually inclined to, big shout out to Amy. And then yeah, and then you guys got connected and you became friends. Yeah. And actually at that point, my mom said to me, oh, you know, I'm in this really nice, really nice guy at the temple. And she was like to me, oh, after I met him, I prayed. And I was like, oh, I hope my daughter meets somebody like this. I know he's going to be a monk, but I hope she meets someone that's like this, because he seems really nice. Little did he know what was going to happen.


My observations of Ravi (02:32)

And then gone. And then, um, never happened. He became a monk. I heard you speak. Oh, I heard him speak all the time because he used to do lots of, um, youth programs or university talks. And so philosophy, meditation. Yeah, philosophy, meditation. And I was just like, oh my gosh, he's such an incredible speaker. And the way that he makes such incredible wisdom so relevant to us who were like young teenagers or they're not young. You were a teenager. I was a teenager. I was a teenager. No, you were. No, you are. No, I don't remember anything. I barely remember things happen like two years ago. Um, so no, I wasn't a teenager. I was out of university, which feels like a long time ago. So I was in my twenties. And, uh, yeah, so I'm speaking, I just thought it was so incredible how he was able to articulate such, yeah, such deep wisdom in a way that was so relevant to people who were so young and, and probably wouldn't have been so interested in reading a book about it. And so I was in awe of him and he also looked really cool. He had like a bald head. He didn't look like the type of person who was going to be speaking about these things. He had like tattoos and a bald head, but then he was in robes. And I was like, this is really, really cool, but weird at the same time. He was so strange. Yeah. And then it was them and I left being a monk, which is a whole story in itself. We can talk about that another day. When I, when I left being a monk, her and my sister were really, really close. Yeah. And me and my sister are really, really close. I trust my sister. She's one of my best friends. And I sat down with her one day and she said, well, you know what, I'd rather like someone. And, and I was just like, oh, who? And I was thinking she was going to say some other person. And she's like, she really likes you. And I was like, Oh, I really like her. Like I'd love to get to know her better. And we'd, we'd interacted. We'd had, we'd love to know each other a bit better because we'd organize charity events together, et cetera. And so I'd seen her not in the role of being a girlfriend, obviously, or someone that I was dating. I'd seen her interact with other people, other, other humans inside a project management organization, organizing events. So I'd seen her personality and like observed how she behaved around certain people, how she had talked to people, how she interacted with people. And based on all those things, I thought she was a great person. So when my sister told me that, I was, I was secretly quite happy as well. And I always heard about him through his sister and his sister would talk about him with so much love and affection. And he treats her like she's his baby. No matter how old she gets, she's literally like his baby. And I used to see like conversations between them. He's like, Oh my gosh, she's so sweet. Like he's so sweet. Even though he's, yeah, he's gone off being a monk, but he was still really, really caring and loving towards towards his sister and his family. And then yeah, I told her that I liked him before, before he knew about it, or before you'd probably even thought about it. Yeah. So then that was it, really. That's how we met. We almost met before I became a monk, they're like, yeah, I know we get conversations, etc. Yeah, and they have conversations never spoke, but, but I'd just seen each other in our own elements. Yeah. And then when I left, left being a monk, you know, later that year, we started going out.


We knew we wanted to get married quickly (05:58)

And so that was around the towards the end of 2013. And then it just went really fast. We both, we both kind of, as soon as we spoke about it, we both knew that we wanted to be with each other. And we were really certain about it. And it could have gone really wrong, but we were like, we couldn't both been really crazy. But it ended up just working out. We both really had kind of understood each other just by observing one another, I guess. And there were a few surprises, I'm sure. But we, yeah, we got along straight away and we were both pretty much went from, yeah, I really like you to, yeah, I love you in like a day. And then it was like, yeah, we want to get married in like a week, as in we didn't get married in a week, but we wanted to, we said we wanted to get married eventually in a week after that. And then we ended up spending a lot of time at each other's homes, right? He was spending a lot of time at my house for ages. I mean, that's pretty much where I took him to have all of our dates, because I loved being around my family. And I was like, best of both worlds, I can be around the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with and the people that I've spent most of my life with. And so, yeah, most of our dates would involve my parents and my sister and my brother in order of the time. And so we got to know each other kind of in our own environments as well, really fast, which I think helped us fast forward a lot easier. Yeah, absolutely. And I remember that my sister gave me like an action plan. She's like, this is what you're going to get along on. This is what you're going to struggle with. This is going to be a challenge. And I definitely owe it to her to bring us together. Yeah, she was a huge part of us being together, my sister, definitely. And she was like, because she knows me so well, and I feel she got to know you as well. She was just like, this is what you guys are going to agree on. This is what you're not going to agree on. It was just, it was so nice to have that. Because you could go into a relationship having more understanding of the other person. Can I just say one of the things she said that we wouldn't get along on is Bollywood, because I loved Bollywood songs and films at the time. But you know, a good Bollywood song. Questionable. Yeah, questionable. But I decided to get over the... Yeah. And you barely, yeah, you could have got over it. It's still love and love for it. Yeah, but yeah, we spent a lot of time with each other's parents' homes and without families, which was great because you had to be yourself. I used to love what your mum used to tell you. My mum was so funny. So obviously, like, it was a person to her that was, you know, we were dating. And so usually you would put in a lot of effort in the way that you dress and doing your hair when the person your dating comes over. But yeah, I would literally be in the same clothes that I was wearing the whole day, which was pretty much like pajama bottoms and a really scruffy tuck. My mum would be like, do you not want to maybe put a different tuck on? Or you don't want to change your trousers? I was like, no, mum, if he can't love me in what I'm wearing right now, which is what he's probably going to see me in for the rest of his life, then it's just not meant to be. Okay, he has to love me for... And she would be like, okay, but you could try a little bit. I was like, no. Anyway. And she's so beautiful and cute. Even when she's dressed all her boba chic, I'm just like, I love it. And it's quite nice actually, I genuinely believe this. Like I've rarely see her with makeup on. And so it's fun when you fall in love with someone based on who they are and their personality and their energy and all of that beauty shines through.


The key to starting off a relationship well (09:12)

So yeah, I love you. So that leads us nicely on to the next point that our friends wanted to discuss, which is what's the key to starting off a relationship well? What's the key to starting off well? So one thing for me was this, that because we didn't see each other in dating environments, yeah, a lot, I feel like dating environments put this pressure of being in an interview. So I compared dates to interviews. It's almost like you have to put your best foot forward. You wear your best clothes. You try and say all the best things. And even if it's not the best actually, it's us trying to be right. And that's what we do in interviews. When you go an interview for a job, it's like, you want to be the right fit for that person. Yeah. And that's what happens in a dating scenario. Like you're sitting opposite a desk just like you do in an interview. And then someone's asking your question and you're like, okay, well, what do I have to say to make them like me or to say the right thing? Whereas we didn't really get to do that. And I'm not saying that that was a conscious choice. But now when I look back at it and I reflect on it and introspect on it, I'm like, we didn't really get an opportunity to date in that sense. And that means that I got exposed to the real her either by seeing her in a charity organization, seeing her in a real life scenario. How does she treat normal people? And then how she's with her family. And I'm like, that's the best view you can get of someone. And so when I look at that in terms of giving advice or tips or whatever, my recommendation is be around people that you're thinking about being with in an environment where they're just being themselves. Because chances are, if you like them the way they are when they are with other people, then you're likely to love them when they're with you too. And so often we only see people that we are considering being romantic with or dating, etc. We only see them in dates and dinners and movie nights and whatever it is, right?


Don't fake it (11:04)

Yeah, I agree. I feel like you sing. And also seeing people with the people that they're closest to, because you can't really fake it with the people that you're closest to. I mean, if you can, you could do it for a really short period of time. And you also end up seeing them being probably at their worst and at their best, because you can be the most loving to your family, but you can also be the worst person towards your family because they're the ones that accept it. And so yeah, I feel like you get a good image of who the person is through interacting with them that way. Absolutely. Good point. Thanks. Nicely said. It's true. Yeah. And the other thing is, so when we first got together, I'd left being among probably like seven months before. So it'd been like a seven month gap. And I didn't have a job. I had no job. I had no money. No. I was getting rejected left, right and center from every single place that I was applying to, because I'd been among for three years, and no one wanted to hire someone who had monk written on their resume. Like no one's like, oh, yeah, I would love your transferable skills. Like, you know, like, what do you know? And so, oh, you can meditate for four hours. Great. We need that in our organization. So it was just there was no, I had nothing really. Yeah. And that's a great way to start dating someone because there's very, I remember I used to save up. So I used to like, try and work part time. And I was doing everything I'd call. I was tutoring. So I would like, I would be tutoring young people for their exams or university exams, etc. And I would be making like, you know, 15 pounds an hour or whatever it was. And I remember I'd save up so I could take her out on a date at the end of the month. And so that we could do something fun. And I loved the fact I loved that because I met her at a time when, when I had nothing and she accepted me for it. I love her for that. And also her parents were always really cool about it. So sometimes that can be a big pressure from parents and expectations. But her parents were really cool about it. They never made me feel uncomfortable about it or anything. And my parents obviously were very comfortable with me. They were just like, follow your heart, do what's right for you. Very, very encouraging. And I'm not, I don't come from a well off background at all or anything. So it's not that I had a backup plan. But my parents were still very, very encouraging and supportive. Yeah, I, I, that was never in my mind to be honest. I was, I knew I wanted to be with you. And so I was like to my mom, even if we end up living in a really tiny house, just by like near the temple that I used to go to and just, I know that I want to spend my life with him. So whatever ends up being, I knew a really, really enthusiastic and you're so much purpose. And even from the beginning, like you were so driven to do whatever you wanted to do. I didn't know what that was at the time. But you were so driven that I just knew whatever it was, whatever we were meant to be was what was going to happen. And so, and I knew you would never, you're always going to be there to take care of me. And I felt that from the beginning. Like, I always felt supported. You want to hold hands yet? I'm not good at PDA. So I'm going to not do that.


Setting expectations (14:00)

Oh my God. You rejected that camera. Yeah. So that was, it was, it was really nice. And I feel like he had a lot of the qualities that I always felt, I would always grow up saying, Oh, I really want a husband that was like my dad. Like, I love my dad. And he was always someone that I felt very protected and supported by. And so I definitely now looking back at it, I felt those qualities in him as I got to know him. And so I thought, yeah, that was, that was nice. And my parents, yeah, my parents, my parents didn't carry that. I always thought it would be, you know, you always think in Indian families, that's going to be an issue. But they loved him from the start. He's got really good, I don't know what you guys have noticed, but he's got a really good way of saying things and, and winning people over by his words. So, I know that's why it's genuine and it's sweet. So from those interactions, I think my parents trusted him very easily as well. I really get along with your parents. I know. Yeah. And it was so great for me because Amy was already like my sister. And me and your mom got along straight away because we bonded over food. And so yeah, it was really easy for us both to join into each family. But yeah, another thing I think that's really important at a start of a relationship is self awareness and setting expectations. So I feel that having done the work as a monk and having been through that experience myself, I'd gained some self awareness. So I was really aware of what type of partner I needed in my life. I was really aware of what I needed in my life to flourish, to thrive. And so when I met someone, it was very easy for me. It was very easy and simple for me to communicate my expectations to her and be like, I remember one of the things I said, and this is not offensive at all. It's genuinely how I felt at the time. And I said that if you want a husband who goes to IKEA on the weekends and to the cinema, like I'm not that guy. And I didn't mean that as a bad thing. If anyone is that, what I meant that as is I want to be someone who lives their lives of purpose and I want my life to be about service and I want my life to have an impact on people's lives. And I need a partner that's going to understand that and brace that and roll with that as well and wants to live not a normal life because that wasn't going to work for me if I really wanted to have an impact, if I really wanted to make a difference, if I really wanted to serve. And so that wasn't an ego thing. It wasn't me thinking I'm better or above or special. It was me saying this is a priority for me. And I don't need it to be your priority, but I need you to understand it to be mine. And I think this is really important that we should feel that if we're genuinely committed to something, when you make someone aware and same back from her side too, like when she and she'll share hers, but when she's made me aware of what her priorities are and what's important to her, you start respecting what's important to the other person rather than expecting them to trade theirs. Right. And that's usually what happens in relationships in the beginning is instead of showing respect for the other people's passion, you expect them to change their passion for yours, or compromise and be excited about your stuff. And I don't think that that's the right way. I think it's us being clear about ourselves, communicating that and then respecting what the other person communicates. I think we discussed that really early on actually. Yeah. Just to be clear, he has come to IK with me on the weekends. And move his team. Yeah, I understand the point of it. And I remember at that time when he was really pushing for what he wanted to do, he was very, very busy. And so there were certain things. I mean, he spent a lot of time with me and my family, but we had just agreed that, look, if there was extended things that I had to go do because with families, there's always other things that you have to go to, like family friends or relatives, houses for every event possible. And if that happened, then I knew that I was okay with him not coming to them. And I said that to him from the beginning of that, if you need to go and do something, which is I know for you more important, not because for the purpose that you want to live, then I totally understand that comes above you just coming to another party, which people are not probably going to remember. Like it's okay. And I think that was really, actually really important for us because you can always hear what other people say, like family members or friends or whatever will always have a different opinion. And so as long as you feel like you have discussed it and you really understand that person's point of view, then you don't feel kind of, it doesn't rub off on you when people say things because you understand it deeply. Whereas if you don't, then I think it's really easy to get swayed by other people's view of life or other people's way of relationships or whatever it is.


Supporting differences (18:21)

Like you can get that can rub off on you very easily. But if you really understand that person and why they're doing it, I think that can make a big difference to you supporting them in why they're doing it. Thank you. Oh my god, this holding hands thing. And we had to realize, and I really appreciated that from her, like I really valued that because it wasn't about seeing something as less, it was about seeing something as a priority for me. And having someone who understood that and trusted me and and allowed me to have that space strengthened us. And we also very quickly became our, we became a team. So when it came to our families or like demands and for anyone who's from an Asian family or an Indian family, it knows that it's a big deal. It's a big deal. Families are big deal. And it gets very involved in a relationship. And I remember saying to her really early on, I was like, it's me and you, like we're a team, like it's us. And we have to think like that because we've got to wake up next to each other every single day of our lives. We've got to go to sleep together with each other every day of our lives. We've got to be in each other's face and space every single day each other's lives. So it's us. We have to be a team. And then very quickly, like I found that when it was anything to do with my family or my commitments, et cetera, then I would have her back. And whenever she was anywhere and it was about me, she would have my back. And that built like a really strong bond early on. Yeah, I completely agree. And even if we wanted to discuss it between us and we had a different opinion to the other person, at least to the like people that we were speaking to, if we had each other's back, the other person felt supported and comforted by that. Whereas I feel if you're, yeah, it's just so hard to fight that battle between the person that you love and like the people that you've spent your whole life with.


Give quality time (20:11)

But I think when you understand the reason behind it, I just, yeah, I keep coming back to that, but I really think it makes such a difference. I remember earlier on in our relationship, when we were talking about spending time with each other's family or even each other, you said something to me, which has stuck with me for a really long time. I'm scared. I'm scared. No, it was really good. He was saying how, you know, we can spend so much quantity of time with people. And it can be spent doing so many different things. You're with each other, but you're actually doing like, okay, you're watching a film or you're on your phones or you're spending the whole day together, but how much are you actually interacting with each other? And so I really loved that he would always choose quality time over necessarily, like over like quantity. So even if he's spending a short amount of time with me or my family or my friends, he would always make sure he's got like, they've got his full attention. Like he would really make them feel and he genuinely felt that way that he was investing his full self into that moment. And I think that made makes such a difference. And I never understood that at the time because it was always like, you know, when you're spending time with family, it's just family time. But it really made me think about how I spend time with people rather than the amount of time I spend time with people. And as I've seen you do that while we've been together, I just think I've noticed how much people appreciate your full attention and how deeply you connected them even in such a short space of time. Whereas I've been like the type person who can spend an hour with someone and my mind can be somewhere else. And it's a training, though, is it's a training thing definitely. And I've learned that from you. But it's an incredible quality to have to be able to invest your full self into a conversation or a person. And that's why he it's actually really annoying. But he remembers everything. Like he remembers everybody's name, everything I said like five weeks ago, everything I was wearing, like it's an amazing quality, but it can also be very annoying because I don't have that memory. So he's like, no, you said this like three weeks ago. It's like, no, I didn't. But I don't have like a book that I write things down in. So I have to take his word for it. But yeah, five almonds a day guys, five almonds. Yes. My mom would tell me the no, I thank you. I really appreciate it. Yeah, I remember that from full-time. And you know, she'd always make an effort. And this is where it comes to using your skills and talents. Like she'd always make an effort to like cook amazing stuff for my family. I remember when you made my sister a minion cake for her birthday. That took me a day and a half. And it was so good. Yeah. And I love minions too. So it was so cute. And my mom still remembers the first talk you ever made when I first came over. And it's just, it's those things. So, you know, using your talents, using your skills. And people appreciate that even more than like taking a week or taking time like she's saying like quantity, but the quality of a thought. Yeah.


Love languages (23:04)

Right. Even when people say like, it's the thought that counts, it's not it's the quality of the thought that's like, that's that's where we make an impact in people's lives. Third topic that our friends want us to discuss is love languages. Oh, yeah. And realizing and recognizing our own love languages and the love languages of someone else. So if you don't know what the love languages are, it's a great book by Gary Chapman. I've made lots of videos on it. So there are five love languages and the five love languages are quality time, touch, words of affirmation, acts of service and gifts. So all of us have multiple love languages, but we have a priority, a hierarchy order. And we both mostly value one or two as our top love languages. And everyone has them. So you can think about yours as well. This was an interesting lesson for me in relationship. It took a while to get there. Yeah, definitely took a while. It did. And we got it really wrong for a long time. Like it was, yeah, it was definitely been a journey for sure, because you always end up trying to give the person what you want. Like it's it's such a natural thing. Oh, sorry. I forgot it's your show. Yeah, no, no, I'm just saying that. It's so I'm just thinking about it back because I'm thinking about all the things I got wrong. But it's so easy to always want to give other people what you love receiving or what you love doing for that person. Like, and I feel like your love languages can be different and what you like giving to other people and what you like receiving from other people. Like I love cooking for people and I really appreciate a good meal, but I wouldn't necessarily say that that's my way of showing love. It's not necessarily my way that I feel love given to me. And yeah, I think it took a lot of trial and error. It was a serious experiment going on for a couple of years. And she's holding back right now, but little brother is hilarious. Like she's she's the funniest person I know. She makes me laugh the most.


Anishas love language (24:58)

And when I yeah, and she's she's getting into it. She's getting into it. You just need to go find some stories on Instagram. But when I when I first met her and when you see her, you're like, Oh, she's the elegant. Oh, yeah. He's elegant. Graceful young woman. And I was just like, and I was just like, okay, so maybe she likes like, like, grand gestures and elegant posh places. Like that's what I thought. And this just shows us how the media makes us assume what people like or we based on how someone appears. We assume what they like. And so that's what I did. I got it completely wrong. And I remember organizing our first date. We went to what's a theater show, which was actually really fun. And then we went to this restaurant that I booked. And this restaurant's called Lakhanda Lokatelli, which he must have like, tutored for about a month to afford that one day day. Literally. Yeah. It was expensive. And this restaurant is like highly in demand. Like David Beckham goes there. And it's it's one of these, like, you know, very posh, very grand restaurant. I thought that's what I needed to do. And I was totally wrong. Like we sat there. She looks so uninterested in this face. And I had to wear heels and I don't wear heels. Like literally it was like, I was in a dress I wouldn't normally wear because I thought that's what he wanted. So I was literally in like a dress that like a really galley dress, which I wouldn't normally wear and heels, which I normally wouldn't wear. And so we were both sitting in this restaurant. And I was really hungry at the end of it. And I said to him at the end, I was like, look, even if you just take me on a walk in a really good supermarket, or what did they call it here? grocery store? Yes. grocery store supermarket. I was like, that is like the most epic date you could take me on. Get me a few treats from like the from the shelves. We'll go down the gluten free vegan aisle. That would be the best day. And so after that, I think you kind of started understanding. I think I still got it wrong a few times. I mean, I was just, and this is my point. Like we all get stuff wrong because of previous experiences, the media, what we think, like all that kind of stuff. And I just kept, I got it wrong for a while because I just kept thinking and then I was like, okay, she likes food. Okay, let's, then I had a moment where I was like, oh, she likes food. So then all I did was buy her cards with food puns and food jokes. Which I really liked. And then we only went to like food places for all our dates. I was starting to get closer. You did. You took me on a date where we went cooking at like a Jamie Oliver thing. Yeah, that was really good. That was fun. Yeah, you did good. You did good. But yeah, it did take a lot. And even when I was, and he's a gift person. Yeah. So I'm gifts and words of affirmation. And I think I'm definitely words of affirmation and quality time, maybe quality time.


Olesias love language (27:29)

Do you like, yeah, do you like quality time? I think that they might too. Yeah, so go. And yeah, what was I saying? You were saying you like gifts. Yeah. So I, I'm like, I'm not so much of a gift person. I don't think I ever really have been. Even like on my birthdays and stuff like all I really remember growing up is my dad would just take a day off and spend that time with me. And I used to just love that aspect of it rather than the gifts. I do like gifts, but they're just not my main thing. And so I was trying to buy a gift for you. And he wanted like an iPad type thing. No, I want to do it. You want to do it? I thought we wanted an iPad type thing. And so I was like looking around. You thought I wanted a tablet? I thought you wanted a tablet. And so I was literally looking around for the best spec and like really, really good like details of whatever was good and also good pricing. Because obviously like a good bargain is, is you need that. If you're in. Yeah, if you could drive, you need a good bargain. And so I was looking around and I found this amazing aces tablet. What is aces? An aces is a good brand to everybody. And so I thought, look, this looks like a really good one. Let me buy it. Got it, packed it up, gave it to him. I have never seen disappointment like so bad in my life from opening a gift. Because when he says he wants a tablet, he wanted an iPad. And so I learned that he likes really like good quality expensive gifts. Which I probably still haven't got. Now, now I just tell him about his own gifts. But last year, she organized the most incredible surprise birthday price. I've loved surprises. And this is another thing about our childhood, etc.


Birthday Surprise (29:09)

So I've loved surprises since I was a kid. Yeah, my mom would always surprise me on my birthday. And so I'd really encourage you to reflect on where your preferences and priorities and things that you love. Get like, where does that come from? So for me, my love for surprises in life and in everything comes from my mom, surprising me on my birthday. And I've never, as you grow up, surprises become harder and harder to do for people. And last year, she organized the most epic birthday surprise ever. So it happened two months after my birthday. So I was expecting at all. She told me she was like cooking and catering for a friends event. So she was cooking this whole week, like working so hard on all of this stuff. And I was just like, how important is this friend? Because she was going through an extreme lens. And I was like, wow, like she's really dedicated to this friend. And that was cool. Like I appreciated it. And I was like, I love seeing her in her element and loving cooking for someone that she loves. And that was beautiful. And then I think I'm going to an event with my manager and my team the same night. So I'm like, oh, sorry, I won't be able to make it to your event, etc. Like I've got this, you've got that. Have fun. Like I hope it goes really, really well. And then I turn up, I open the door to this event. And it's like all of my friends from LA, like everyone that I love, everyone that really loves and believes in me, like they were all there. Everyone showed up. She made sure that literally every single person that I care about was there. It was like a stalker girlfriend looking through his phone at everyone that he mentioned. I was like, let me find that person's number. Let me get that person's email address. Yeah. And literally it was just, it was genuinely after my wedding. After that, the best thing that's ever happened to me, like it was that good. It was just amazing. Like it was the most beautiful event. It was really hard for really meaningful. We had an illusionist. I love magicians and illusionists. I had an incredible show. I had an incredible DJ playing violent to some of my favorite songs. All my favorite people were there from LA specifically because it was in LA. And I just, I was just so blown away. Like genuinely, I was like speechless with the first time in my life because she'd completely outdone any expectation I could have ever had. Which was the hardest thing ever for me because it was the first time I wanted to show him that I really understood his love language. And also like the effort that goes, that you go through to make something like that happen when I had no idea until I actually started going through it. And usually I would get to a point where I would find like an obstacle and I'd be like, you know what? I'll just take him somewhere instead. Forget it. I don't need to do this. But he put in a lot of thought into a lot of the dates that he plans. And so I really, really wanted to show him that I like, that I really understand it. And like that I've observed things about him. And I really noticed what he loves and appreciates. And so it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Like it was so hard, I'm not a planner. I'm not good at organizing. I'm just, it's not not my like, I wouldn't say it's my top three skills. I should say that. But I was just so happy that I did it because then it was genuinely like the love that I have fame is anything that got me through it. Because otherwise I would have just basically never called me for party planning. Never. I'm so blessed to have her in my life because she cooked for everyone too. So I did. Yeah. And she organized the event. There were like 80 people there. It was amazing. And I'm so grateful to you for doing that. Like literally is the best thing I could have ever learned. Thank God. Because imagine you hated it. No, I loved it. I loved it. It was amazing. And and yeah, it was just, it was incredible. And it just shows like we've been together now for nearly six years. Yeah. And it takes time to learn about each other. It takes time to grow each other. But the point is, are you waking up enthusiastic and energetic every day to fall in love with that person again? Like that's the question you have to ask yourself. Like, are you looking for more reasons to get that person to change for you? Or are you looking for more reasons to be like, no, I want us to fall more in love. I want us to learn about each other. I want to give more to you every day. I want to be better for you every day. Or are you looking for how that person could be better for you? And if it's the other way around, then most likely that relationship is not going to last too long, or it's going to be very one way. But if it's like, how can I be better for that person every single day? And it may take time and it has taken us time. Yeah. To completely understand each other more, etc. And we've been through a lot and I want to get to that as well. But that, you know, it takes time and it's okay as long as you're waking up every day with that intention, with that motive, with that desire. Yeah, I definitely think it's about what you feel you're bringing to the other person rather than what you feel you can get from the other person. I think that makes such a difference. Because when both people do that, yeah, when both people do that, when you feel like, okay, well, this is what I can provide.


Strengths, Interests And Spirituality In A Relationship

Play to your strengths (33:46)

Like, and I love what you say about everyone having different skills, because even in a relationship, I think I have such, we are very different in a lot of ways. In majority of the ways, we're very different. I actually were totally different. Yeah. And so instead of seeing that as things that are taking us apart from each other, I think we really tried to say, okay, cool, I love being in the kitchen, for example. And you're really good at doing all the math stuff to do with bills. And I really don't want to do that. And so instead of trying to be like, oh, no, we should be equal in like, you know, doing this and doing that. No, let's just play to our strengths. And I think that made a huge difference because I didn't feel pressured to do things which I really don't feel comfortable doing, if I had to do them, I would have. But thankfully, we both kind of are good at areas, which the other person is maybe not so good at. And so we just played to our strengths. And we weren't annoyed at the other person for not being able to do those things. We just understood that we have skills in different areas. And we can contribute to the relationship with those skills rather than trying to be like all rounders in all areas, which doesn't work for us. And the key to that, I love that. And the key to that is valuing what the other person brings as equal to you. Right. So it's like, it's not saying, oh, if your skill is different to mine, but my skill does this, like my skill fulfills this or my skill sorts this out. Like, that's more important. And I think that's where it gets hard where we either try and equalize our skills, which I agree with you is not a good idea. It's going to be a blend of your strengths. Or the opposite thing people do is they do their skill, but then they think their skill adds more value to the relationship. And I think that again just ruins it. Like it's like, you're on a team. Like when you look at a sports team, one player can't say, I'm more important than the rest of the team. It's a team game. And I'm going to try and do a food analogy now. I'm trying to give a food analogy. No, give me up. Here we are. Okay. Like one ingredient can't be like to the other ingredient. I'm more important than you. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Because you need all of them. Unless you're salt. No, but still, but yeah, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. You can't have one ingredient that's more important than the other ingredient. And yeah, I totally agree. No, I agree. You did great. That was a great food analogy. But I remember this actually, because when we, I've been a housewife for a while, like I, I, I stayed, worked from home and I'm studying and stuff.


Small acts of service (36:00)

So, I remember, I work from home, but I still, I was in, yeah, I'm more of a housewife than I am working. And so, and I love that. I love doing, I love cooking and I love doing all the things that I do do. But when we were in New York, I remember he was working at that time for Halfington Post. So, he was out most of the day and he would just come back in the evening. And he would come back and I would have just finished cooking. And he would always be like, Oh, like, can I do anything for you? Can I wash up? Like you've been working hard all day. And that for me was such a big thing, because it's like, actually, in my mind, I was like, he's been working hard all day. But he would come home and ask me if I needed a massage or if I wanted him to wash up or do anything in the house. And like a lot of people think that that should just be a given like, Oh, like, yeah, I've been doing the house stuff all day. So come home and you should be washing the dishes. But I just think, actually, if you see, that's such a sweet thing for him to have done in my eyes because he could not do that. We could all just not do a lot of things. But if we put in that extra bit of effort and show that person that I value you and what you're doing just as much as I value what I'm doing, like people, you know, going to work seems like you're going out and doing the hard work. But you also saw that I was doing the washing or the cleaning or the cooking and you valued it in the same way as going to work. And I thought that was a really, yeah, that was a big thing for me. And he's been like that the whole time. So I think it's the same. I think for me as well, like she was so good at doing that, like she would put our heart into it, right? It wasn't just doing it. And I think that's the point here. It's not about doing the activity. It's about putting your heart into it. Like it would always be like, Oh, let me it was the like the other day, I was just like, we just got back from India. And when I'm in India, I eat doses a lot. Doses are incredible. If you know what they are, if you don't know, they are, go get a dose. Yes. And I love them. And I was literally just like, I miss doses every day, every morning, every morning, every morning. And next thing, I know she ordered a dose of makeup and we had doses and then just terribly wrong everyone, terribly wrong. But still, I loved it. Like it was, it was, it was the love in it. And I think that's the same, you know, she believes in cooking with devotion and seasoning with love. And for me, she lives that every single day. Like that's, there's not a day when I don't feel like food is an offering of love. So then you can't help but value it. Like it's not, you don't have to, it's not hard. It's not hard to value it. That's what I'm trying to say. Thanks. But yeah, this is getting a bit sweet, isn't it? I know. Why don't you change it up? Yeah. I'm leaving it to you to make it funny. See, see, I'm the romantic in the relationship. She's the comedy. This is always the case. Like my his cards to me. So this is a rom-com. Yes, the rom-com. His cards to me are like the sweetest, really genuine from the heart. And my cards are like funny weird poems that are like, I really like your face. You don't know how to make cake. Like literally those, those are what my cards were like. I don't think, I think maybe one out of 15 cards were maybe somewhat like sweet and loving. But otherwise, yeah, I've always been the jokes that I knew generally are the sweet ones. You are. You are. There's a, I'm going to live up to my romantic tag in this relationship. I always say this to her because I mean it. And it's, I don't know who said it, but it's beautiful. And it said that they said, Oh no. I know what he's going to say. Everybody cue the, cue the romantic music. And the tissues. And the tissues. Anybody needs cheese?


What's Our Favorite Thing to Do Together (39:32)

Cheese border. If you, they said, if you want her to fall in love with you, you have to make a laugh. But now every time she laughs, I'm the one who falls in love. And I'm pretty sure that's from a grime artist in London in some sort of a rap song. It's great though. It means it's a good, anyway. It is a really, I would like it. Topic number four, what's your favorite thing to do together? So our friends wanted to just discuss this is easy. What's our favorite thing to do together? Eat. No. Sorry. That's my favorite thing to do. What's our favorite thing to do together? I had an easy answer with this. Oh, okay. I like, what do we like? What do we like to do together? Mine was activities and experiences. Oh, I thought it was like a specific one. No, like activity. Yeah, we love doing that like escaprams. And we went to a virtual reality escape room every day. We were on a hike. We had a hair and you. Oh, thanks. We go on hikes and we just love doing experiences. You're right. Experiences and activities. Yes. We do try and do like we've gone through the thing of where we try and go shopping together or movies and stuff. But we generally find we have a lot more fun when we're doing activities where we're contributing to something together. Yeah. Like one of the first days we went on was GoApe. And so if anyone who doesn't know what GoApe is, GoApe is like a assault course. But in the air. So you're like swinging around. It's like Tarzan kind of stuff. And we loved it because it was just like it was active. We were both doing stuff together, helping each other out. We love escape rooms even though there are times. I think we've evolved. Yeah. Like the first time I went on escape to an escape room with him, I was like, we are never doing this again because I'm so relaxed and I'm just like, Oh, you know, if we win, it's fine. If we don't win, it's like, you know, it's we participated and that's what counts. And he's like, come on, we have to date us. Get over there. I'm not angry. You're not angry, but you're like very enthusiastic. And so I'm sitting on the chair, like we're meant to be escaping a prison. And I'm just sitting there with like a hammer in my hand. And he's like looking around everywhere, trying to search for it. He's like, why are you not helping? And then the trap door opens because she like, Yeah, I get it right anyway. It's just by being chilled out. So now I realized trust her. So we did that recently and I trusted him. And it was good. And I actually got quite. You did. Yeah. We enjoyed it. We did. That was a fun activities and experiences, getting outdoors, doing stuff together, solving puzzles, something that engages us in talking, discussing doing, achieving something together is a great game. Yeah. Like achieving something together when you when we went for that cooking class, for example, like we cooked a meal together, like that was fun. And then we ate it when you when you create together. Yeah. It's such a special experience. Yeah, that's so true. And I think that more of us should find time with our other hearts or even people who are dating or getting to know to create together. You just learn more about the person. It's so much quicker, so much easier.


Learning more about the person by creating together (42:20)

We've also started spending a lot of time because of how our schedules work. Sometimes we end up just spending time together where we're just catching up and talking, which actually is quite nice because we didn't used to do that. And I think that used to get us to a point where we felt like we maybe didn't know each other as well as we wanted to, or understand each other as well as we wanted to. But now we do take out time to just catch up and ask the other person about what's going on, me more so than him.


Meditating together (42:48)

He used to do this anyway. But I now am asking a lot more questions and we really try to invest our interest into the other person, which is great. Yeah. And we love meditating together. And we love going to get vegan donuts together. Yes. Yes. That's true. So I'm going to go to meditation first. But literally when we met, I used to teach you a philosophy of meditation. I said this all the time.


Positive, spiritual energy (43:11)

She's now a better meditator than me. She's more serious. She's more focused. She's more sincere. She's more devoted. It's amazing. Like being able to have that in my life is so powerful. And that I put above anyone bringing in conscious, spiritual intention and energy into a relationship. That's above someone bringing money. That's above someone bringing anything else. Like that's just the most powerful thing that you can bring into a relationship because it's helping you eternally. It's helping you for the rest of your life. And I think it's undervalued of how much bringing positive, beautiful, spiritual energy is into a relationship. And you've been doing that since day one in our relationship. Like she literally for the first, I think first few years we were dating, she was like waking up at 4am and going to meditate with the monks every morning, right? Like with the community. And she did that. Like while she was working a job, while she was planning our wedding, while she was working at the hospital, etc. And all the rest of it. And so I feel that you've prioritized your spiritual practices so highly. And I love you for that. And it's made such a difference in our relationship. And for me, it's like, what can I do to let you keep having that? Like what can I do to keep letting you be that light in our life? Because that's something that you can't buy. Like you can't, you can't buy that anywhere. You can't just make that happen anywhere. And I value that more than any other contribution. And I'm all from him. So I did, I actually learned it all from him. Like he, him and my mom have been like the two, and my grandma, they've been the people who have really been the key factors of spirituality in my life. And obviously my spiritual teacher too. But yeah, he, he has really shown me what leading a spiritual path and really focusing on it, what you can actually become from it. And I think that's a great motivation because all the qualities and everything that he is now that's positive has come from the time when he was a monk. I think, would you agree? Yeah. And yeah, I just really feel that seeing someone live it after they've really gone through an intense period of being in a spiritual mindset, in an intense spiritual mindset for that longer period, I really see those qualities in him day to day and how he reacts to things day to day is, is the product of his hard work that he's put in during that time. And I think that's a great motivation for me because I'm just like, well, I, I want to see life in that way. Like I want to see situations in that way or react to people in that way or interact with people in this way. And I think everything has been from that time in your life. And so yeah, I really think he's been a great inspiration for me in that area. And I just know that that's what brings me the most happiness. And when I don't do those practices, I know it's every part of my life suffering. So I know that if I really feel like I'm not dedicating enough time to my spiritual practices, then I'm a lot snappier with you. And I'm a lot like my relationships suffer, my quality of like the rest of the day just doesn't feel like it's got as much quality as it could have. I haven't got the most out of the rest of my day because I haven't prioritized my soul and like my connection to God at the beginning of the day. And for me, that's so important. And so yeah, I think it really I have it definitely does impact relationships. Well, my relationships around me if I don't have that in my life consistently and with quality, I think it makes a huge difference. Yes, like your relationship to your spiritual practice is the most important relationship. Yeah, because of that relationship being right, it filters into everything else completely. How I feel in my spiritual practice is how I end up feeling towards other people around me. And so if I don't feel like I've put my best into that, then I know it filters through everywhere else. And I've observed that in myself. And so I think for the sanity of everyone around me, I have to make sure I do it too, because it's not just me effects, effects, everybody I come into contact with, because I'm a product of that, I feel. Yeah. Do you want to add anything on that? No, I think I'm good. Yeah. All right. Next thing is what's your favorite thing about each other? Oh, I feel like we've said it enough now, you know? Yeah. I know I'm joking. I don't know. I'm joking.


Maintaining A Balanced Mindset And Navigating Tough Situations In A Relationship

How to See Situations with an Equanimous Mindset (47:27)

Yeah, we've said it a lot. I have to say one thing. I want to say one thing. I think one of my favorite, the favorite thing about you is how you see things, how you see situations. Like, they say that with a monk mindset, you should be able to see things very, it's called, what's the word? Equipo is the equilibria. Equanimity. Equanimity. Yeah, we'll get that word wrong. So when you, whether something goes bad or something goes good, you're able to have a very neutral mindset to that situation and not get too excited when things go really, really well and not get too sad when things get really bad. And I think from all the ups and downs that we've been through, whether it's with your career or whatever it's been, every time something goes wrong, even if, like you miss a plane, whatever it is, he never gets to a point where he's like, oh my gosh, this is the worst thing ever, which is my usual reaction to, like before whatever, my usual reaction to things. He is always just like, it's just part of the plan. Like, this just makes the story so much better. And I just really appreciate that because it's made me not overreact and made me see perspective in so many situations and made me realize that actually, yeah, like that quality of, and he doesn't get too excited, anything good that happens, like whether he wins awards or whatever, like the coolest thing may happen. And he never gets too excited. Like, he appreciates it. And he just, you know, in his mind, he prays and offers it back to his spiritual teacher. And I just think it's such a deep practice to have, to not get too excited and, and bask in your success. Is that his basket that I read? Yeah. And not be too sad and like kind of sit in your sadness for too long. And I think he really has that great balance of being able to snap out of things and seeing things. He doesn't even have to snap out of it. He just doesn't see it in that way. Like, he's trained his mind to see things in a way where everything is just part of the journey. And nothing is up, up and down, up and down, up and down. It's all quite like a little wave, rather than like a tide. So yeah. Thanks. I really appreciate that. Yeah. And hers is so easy. Anyone who's met, I already knows this. Literally like, everyone of my friends, I introduce it. They fall in love with her and become best friends with her. And then I'm third wheeling all of a sudden. Yeah. And I love that. Like, it's the best feeling in the world that everyone I introduce her to, everyone she meets, she just has this pure, genuine light. And all I'm like in life is like, don't screw that up. Like, don't mess that up. Like, like, let her be that light. Like, just let her be what she is. And, you know, how her parents have raised her, like how her grandmother's had an impact on her, like everything she has, like her spiritual teacher, her spirituality, everything that she has, like, it's so pure and genuine and full of love. Like, I always tell her she's like the best person I've met. And I just want, you know, I just want everyone to experience that. Like, that's, I want everyone to experience that. And that's partly why we're doing this, this podcast is because I want everyone to experience that there are people in the world who just have no agendas that are love, that are being love at all times that don't have any like negative motive towards anyone or don't want to have like end wheel jealousy or bring someone else down to feel better. And, and I think she has that in abundance. And everyone feels it. Like, as soon as she walks into a room, she lights it up with, with her presence and energy. And that doesn't mean like being the loudest person in the room. She's rarely that it doesn't mean being the most talkative person. It just means being that energy. And I know all of you who know her know that and feel it. And, and I get to feel it every day. So, I mean, anything that's true. But thanks. I do, I do love, I've just realized come, I mean, I've been through so many ups and downs of my own journey of, you know, jealousy and whatever it is and not being that person for people and not being someone who can help to, to be the joy for somebody else. But going through that and coming out the other end through a lot of journaling, I've talked about this before and, and a lot of introspection, I just realized I actually get so much more joy of being other people's joy. Like, I love making people laugh. I love making people feel loved. And I love making people feel like they're cared for and, and looked after and whatever it is. I love, and I've realized actually it's more of a selfish thing because I love doing that for other people. I get the joy out of it. And so, yeah, I think if you can light up someone's life in some small way or like make someone laugh, you just never know what they're going through. And so, I just think it's such a sweet thing to share and give out to someone that you can give a lot of things up. But if you're able to give love and, and happiness to someone in a small way every single day, like it's such a beautiful, it's a gift, like it's such a sweet gift to give out to people. So I'm grateful that I'm able to do that for you sometimes and for other people. Thanks for doing it. Sorry guys. I do an American accent whenever I'm like, it's probably the worst American accent that you guys have heard, but I do accents, yeah.


Do You Fight? (52:16)

I love an accent. Yeah. Because I'm terrible at them. They're fun. Okay, next thing is do you fight and how do you deal with that conflict? Yeah, we fight. Yeah, we do fight. But I mean, I have to say fights don't last that long with us. I think that's probably the key thing. Like we have been through, especially when we went understanding each other's love languages, especially when I wasn't understanding him also then the other way around. When we argued, my thing would be shutting down and not wanting to speak about it and like not communicating and answering phone calls. And for him, it would be like, no, I want to talk about it and I want to get through it and let's like, let's really discuss everything. And at the time, it just felt like for me, I was like, no, I need space. But the more I've accepted the way that he likes to resolve things, the more I realize that actually it's so mixed so much more sense. Because yeah, you may need space for a short period of time, but unless you talk through and process it together, you never get over that. And then it's brought up in the next argument and the argument after that and the argument after that. Whereas if you're able to really sit down and work through whatever, even if it's a really small issue, like picking your shoes up from in front of the door, which is something we've spoken about a few times, but even if it's something as small as that, just discussing and explaining, okay, fine, this makes me feel like you don't value me because who else are you expecting to pick up those shoes? For example, it's a mutual thing. I leave my shoes there too. But I'm just saying, even if you break it down to that level of saying, actually, it's not the action, it's what I feel you're thinking when you're doing that action. And so it's usually isn't the action. It's usually not what the person's done. It's usually how it makes you feel from that person's action, if that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. Great point. And so I think breaking it down to that level of the feeling you're getting from that person by him doing that or by her doing that actually resolves the issue so much faster. And that has been completely you because he really we we've never we've never stepped really on an argument. We've at least discussed it before. And I really, really believe in that. I heard it so much, but the more we've argued and the more we've resolved it before we've gone to sleep, like the next morning, we are fresh and ready to go like nothing's happened. And not because we're ignoring it and not because we're pretending like it didn't happen or we've brushed it under the rug, but because we have really talked about it and tried to understand it from each other's point of view. And I think I really think that's made such a big difference to the way we argue. Yeah, I think that's a great point. That's such an important point. I think the point around it's not about the action that hurts. It's about how that action makes someone feel. It's so much more important because sometimes I'm doing something really small and I'm getting it wrong. But I'm like, I so small. But then she's like, no, it's big. And I'm like, well, how's it big? And then she's like, because this is how it makes me feel. I'm like, oh, that is big. Right. And then I have that moment of like, uh-huh, like the penny drops and I'm, oh, okay, it's big. It's not small again. Because you're never really doing things to it. Like it's not like you're doing it intentionally. Totally. And I also, and it's also understanding that aspect of it. Like saying that I, and always reminding yourself that if you know that person loves you, then they are never going to be doing things to intentionally like product you or intentionally make you feel a negative emotion.


Processed Intentions & Drawing Boundaries (55:22)

And if we are doing that, then we should be very aware of it. And sometimes saying things like remarks of that are in a sarcastic tone or whatever, actually those things can build up. And you feel like you're saying in a jokey way. I used to do that all the time. Saying things in like a sarcastic, funny way to try and get a point across to you. But now I realize actually just asking you in a polite way, in a sweet way, in a loving way, can have so much more impact than me sarcastically throwing something in there. And yeah, so I think the way that we say things and the thought behind it actually makes such a difference. And now I know like whenever you do anything, even if it's small, when I process, I process it in my mind before I say a lot of things to you. And actually it goes away because I'm like, I know the intention is not that. And if I do want you to do something, then I'll just ask you politely. And I've noticed the difference that it makes in the way that we speak to each other. And when we think about it and process it like that, rather than rather than just shouting out whatever comes into our mind, like that's not, that's not going to help like not being able to control what's coming out of your mouth. Yeah. And anyone who says they don't argue isn't true. Like everyone argues. Everyone fights, everyone has disagreements. And they're good. And they're good to work through because disagreements usually just arise because we all have different upbringings. We all have different backgrounds. We'll raise differently. We're raised in different amounts of space. We're raised in differently in terms of responsibility. And so now you're putting two different people with two different responsibilities together. And if you don't argue about it, you don't disagree about it. If you don't talk it out, then all you do, like she said, is you just end up living the same thing again and again. And again, it's really important to draw boundaries as well, like recognizing like this. These are certain things that really annoy me like to say that when you first move in with someone. Yeah. These are things that annoy me like these are my top three things that we'll get on my nerves like let's try and avoid that. And the other person gets to say the same. You're going to just avoid so much hassle rather than like thinking off for the first week. It's fine. I'm going to do everything for that person. And then you end up feeling upset because they're not reciprocating or whatever. Just just set your expectations, draw the boundaries, be really open and honest about what works for you and what doesn't. And then figure out which parts you can help each other. Agreed. So I'm going to ask you one more question for us.


How Your Wife Deals With You When You're Travelling? (57:44)

Then I want to talk a lot about you. So anyone who's watching or listening right now, if you've got this far, I hope you've enjoyed it. We've been introducing you to the world of us. But I really also want to introduce you to the world of my wife. She's incredibly talented. She's got so many great insights. I want you to learn about her and fall in love with her as much as I am. But before we do that, we take the last question. The last question is, how do you deal with my hectic travel schedule? Yeah, I get asked that. My type of work. Yeah. I think we've both been very independent people in our relationship. And I think when it comes to us being separate, like, it's just letting the other person get done, what they need to get done. If I need to be away for work or you need to be away for work, I know it's not that you. We love travel. Yeah, I know that it's not that you want to be away from me or that I want to be away from you. It's that we need to get stuff done. It's not the end of the world. We love each other, but we also need to go and do what we love doing. And so, when I can, I travel with you. But if I can't, I catch up with the stuff that I really need to get done, that maybe I'm not able to do in condensed time when we're together. And so, you just use as an opportunity to get those things done. And yeah, I just think we're really good at being independent and we're really good at being together. And I don't know whether that answered the question. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I miss her when I'm away from her. It's not like, I don't miss her. And we both travel for work. So I can be away. I'm usually away for shorter stints more regularly. And she's away for longer stints irregularly. Yes. That's kind of how it works. So she could be away for like a month or two. But that happens like once or twice a year. And then I could be away for like three nights. But I do that regularly every month. And so, we've both learned that we get more done personally, which is really powerful. You get to focus on what you're doing. I get to focus on what I'm doing. We miss each other more. So when we get back together, we're really excited to be with each other. So that adds another level of incredible beauty in a relationship. And the other thing is, I think I really believe that you have to be whole to then enhance each other in a relationship. I don't know if you want to talk about this. Like you don't complete each other in a relationship. It's not half and half. It's whole and whole coming together. It's it's a full person and another full person filling each other up more and overflowing. It's not about I'm awful. You're awful together with full. Yeah. Or like I'm trying to I've got a part missing of me that I'm trying to fulfill from that other person. I don't think that works because it's it's unnatural to feel like this person's going to feel a part of you. Like it has to be you being the whole person. Like you said, I just don't think we can expect another person to fill us or a gap in us. Yeah. And I think I think that that makes a big difference, definitely, of being apart from each other because and I also think that I feel like I want to say this too, that every relationship is so different. And I don't think that this would necessarily work for a lot of people or or a few people, but I don't think it would necessarily work for everybody. And some people really need that time where they're with that person all the time or messaging that person all the time. And that's totally fine. Absolutely. But when I speak about our relationship, I just always feel like I make it clear that this like this is just works for us. This works for us and it's great. But I don't think that it necessarily works for everybody out there. And I don't think what works for everybody out there is going to work for us. And I think that that's a big that that's a big deal because I think we look up to different couples or you see people in your life, your friends and how they are in their relationship. And you kind of see things that you may want in a relationship and you think that that's what you want. But you never really know until you're in a relationship with somebody. And you notice how you both complement each other because their qualities are completely different to your qualities. And so yeah, I just I just want to add that because it works for us. But I don't think it's necessarily going to work for everybody out there. And there's no these there's foundational things in relationship and there's flexible things. foundational stuff is like respect, like appreciating each other's values, appreciating each other's goals, understanding each other's backgrounds. So there's a foundational things like that applies to every relationship under the sun, like no matter which relationship you're in, including friendships, parents, everything. And then there's flexible stuff like this, which isn't can't be forced into everyone, like how you should deal with being apart, how you should travel, schedules, like all the kind of functional stuff. That is not a thing that there's a right or wrong way. The foundational stuff, there is stuff that works and there's stuff that doesn't. The flexible stuff is adaptable, is different for different people exactly what you said. Amazing. So now I want to move into what I'm really excited for all of you to hear. I hope that gave you a big insight into our relationship, our life. We got married. I didn't mention this, but we got married in 2016, April, 20th. Yeah, that's good. And we've now been together for nearly three years. It's been incredible being married. And I'll come back to that as well. But I really wanted to hear about my wife's incredible insights, especially because they're so related to health, right?


How Did You Fall in Love With Food? (01:02:56)

Mental, physical, personal well-being. And she's definitely someone who lives and breeds what she shares. It's not just stuff that she talks about. I've actually probably never seen someone who's practicing what they preach as much. And so I'd love for you to hear these insights. So I'm going to ask you a few questions about it. My first question for you is, how did you fall in love with food? How did I fall in love with food? I've always been a big foodie. Growing up, I was fairly overweight until the age of about 15. Yeah, about 15. I probably started losing weight around the age of 16. But yeah, I grew up always loving food, always loving carbs. Like I loved bread and all the things I probably shouldn't have. My mom was actually a personal trainer. My mom was a fitness instructor. So she had slick abs growing up. And it was never really bothered by my way until I went to school. And yeah, long story short, I loved food from being younger. My mom is an incredible cook. My grandma's an incredible cook. My sister's also an incredible cook. I've been surrounded by great cooks my whole life. And so my mom would always make beautiful food from around the world wherever we travel, she'd always bring that home with us. And she'd make wonderful dishes. And so yeah, I think being sport by that being when I was younger, I grew up with a really unique taste in food because I'd experienced so much being growing up. And then my mom actually suggested I go into doing nutrition and dietetics at college or university. And I did that. And that's where my love for nutrition grew. Like I absolutely loved understanding the qualities of food and how they can affect our bodies. And I never really was into conventional medicine. Like I never like taking anything for my body. I really, really believed in how natural things or foods and plants can really change the way that our body reacts to things or disease or health conditions. And so that's where my love for nutrition grew in food. And then I came across Ayurveda and I actually don't know how it must have been. I don't know how I came across it. I actually can't remember. I know my biggest exposure to it was when we moved to New York. But that was pretty much encompassed everything that I ever thought. Like everything I wanted to believe in, it had that in one science. And Ayurveda is actually Ayurveda means life and Veda means knowledge. So it's literally the science of life. And it encompasses mind, body and soul. And it really believes in the mind, body connection. But it also completely believes and has solid science behind how food and the qualities of the different foods and how they can affect your body and how they can be healing and how they can be medicine or they can be toxins. The same food can be that for different people. And I love it because it's so individual and so personalized that our bodies are so different. Your body will react to a tomato completely differently than mine would. And so I really appreciate that because every single body is so unique. You can't have the same medicine for one person as you do for thousands and millions of people out there. It just doesn't make sense. Our genetics are different. Our bodies make up is different. Our elements in our bodies are different. And so Ayurveda really encompasses all of that. And so that completely grew my love for food and healing of food. And yeah, I've always believed in, you know, we always talk about how love, the mother's love, like mother's cooking is the best because of the love that she puts in it. And in Ayurveda, it really believes that the consciousness, and this is one of the things that I loved most about Ayurveda. It talks about how the consciousness that you cook in or the consciousness that the food's been made in actually gets infused into that person. And so however that person's, you know, everything that we're cooking with is living like every fruit, every vegetable. It's a plant. It grows. It has living cells. And so it takes in our energy. And so whatever energy you're putting into that food while you're cooking it is what the other person is digesting and in eating. And so I thought that was such a beautiful aspect of it because you can change how a person feels through the energy that you're putting into even their food. And so my love for food, even bigger after hearing that. And yeah, that's how I feel love with food. That's awesome. I love that. And it's been fun watching you for more in love with food and Ayurveda.


Eating in the evening and sleeping early. (01:07:24)

Tell the audience about like a few simple well-being tips for the day. So whether it's food or whether it's essential oils or whether it's anything in your life that you add, split them up. So tell me three simple tips that people can do daily with their food. Let's start with that one with food. With food. Simple tips. I would say have three meals a day, but your largest meal should be in the afternoon. Our body is in sync with nature. And so when the sun is as highest, we believe in Ayurveda, they believe we have a digestive fire in our stomach. And so when the sun is at its highest is when our digestion is the strongest. And so that's when we should, it's when the nutrients are simulated into our bodies a lot better when the food is broken down so much faster and efficiently. And so if we're able to eat our largest meal in the afternoon, our heaviest meal in the afternoon, then that's actually a lot more beneficial to our body. And having our lightest meal in the evening, because this is the second tip now. Yeah, number two, have your lightest meal in the evening, because one, your quality of sleep will be so much better. Your body's not trying to work while you're sleeping. When you sleep, you want every part of your body to be relaxed and every part of your body to feel like it's getting the rest to rejuvenate and to replenish for the next day. And so if you're able to have a meal that's much lighter like soups or even a smoothie, then your body's able to rest and your food is a lot of food that's not just attention to toxins in your body. And so if your body's trying to shut down and you're still putting lots of food into your body, it actually ends up turning into toxins a lot, a lot more toxins are produced if you're digesting food overnight. And number three, drink lukewarm water, never drink ice water. Ice water or really, really cold beverages actually dampens your digestive fire. And so you kind of want to drink drinks, which are either room temperature or warm drinks and hot drinks really stimulate a lot of things in your body, but really keep your body purified and help with toxins, elimination in your body as well. So those are my three tips. That's great tips. Yeah. And that's so important because I feel so many people eat really late and then go to sleep straight away. So it's like a lot of people eating at 8 p.m. 9 p.m. and then going to sleep. Straight to sleep. Yeah. Or sleeping after midnight obviously. But you're actually saying we should a lesson the evening. Yes. And then of course you believe in sleeping early. Yes, definitely. But the point is yeah, okay, that makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense. Tell me some of the things that I wanted to talk to you about was around another few tips on well-being and wellness that you think would be useful to people. Well-being and wellness. Okay. So I definitely believe in meditating early in the morning because well throughout the day there are different energies that can affect you. And so in the morning when before the ideally before the sun rises, but before the sunrise is when you've still got the calming effect of the moon.


Health And Wellness Habits

Meditating early in the morning. (01:10:21)

And so your mind is a lot more rested. Your mind is fresh because you've just woken up, but also you haven't been affected by the like the world is still asleep. Like a lot of people are still asleep. And so you don't have that much energy around you. And so I feel if your mind is calmer and the sun hasn't risen, the sun actually brings about the energy of doing and going and getting like getting things done. Whereas before the sun rises, if you were able to meditate then you actually will get a deeper more focused meditation in the morning. Another lifestyle tip I'd give is using a tongue scraper. Like that is so important.


The power of using a tongue scraper. (01:11:05)

In Western culture it's not normal to use a tongue scraper. I don't know if anyone's seen it, but it's literally so simple. It's like a copper or a metal rod type thing. Which has a... - It's like a U-shape. - Like a U-shape that you can basically you scrape off all the sounds, but you scrape off all the toxins off your tongue in the morning and in the evening. You can use it when you brush your teeth. And actually the if you end up swallowing those toxins that can be the beginning of like the toxins building up in your body. And so using a tongue scraper is an Ayurvedic must. Like you have to use a tongue scraper. You can get it off Amazon, you can get it everywhere. It's just a really simple thing to avoid toxins building up in your body. And did you say one more? - Yeah. - One more health tip I would or lifestyle tip I would recommend. Sleeping early. There's so much normal science behind it, but even just to get good amount of sleep before 12 o'clock. I mean I've read so much about it, but it really does rejuvenate you. The quality of sleep that you get is so different compared to sleeping really late and doing on a regular basis. It reduces your immune system. It makes you really groggy in the morning. I find that. I really... And if I have too many late nights for a long period of time, it really affects my immunity. Like I know I'm going to get unwell or I'm going to catch a cold. And so sleeping early is also... If you can, there are lots of people who can't because of jobs. But if you can sleep early, eat in the afternoon, wake up early. That's like the ideal situation. - Yeah. I love it. Yeah. No, really practical tips. I think there's things that anyone and everyone can do. - They're not incorporating. - Yeah. I love those because they're just so universal. It's not going to take someone a huge lifestyle change. It's not going to cost anything. It's totally free to do all of these things. You don't have to learn a lot. There's nothing to research. I know that you have... Because you are a dietitian and a nutritionist by qualification and by going to university, etc. So I do know that everything that you speak about is highly researched and focused. But I love how good you are at making it so simple and so easy to understand. And obviously, if you want more tips, etc., you can go follow rather after this and find out more about what she's posting about regularly. I want you to tell me about why did health become so important to you? Because I know this for a fact that I really always focused on my mental health and my mind. And for a long time, mastering my mind was one of my biggest focuses. And that's where I spent a lot of my life. And when I married Radhi, she was very much focused not only on the mind but on the body more. And when I say body, I don't just mean in looking aesthetically good. I mean feeling good, being active, being genuinely healthy, beyond size or shape or any of that stuff. And that's really helped me in my personal life. I know for a fact that I eat better, I exercise more, I take care of myself physically because of you. And so I want you to tell me why you started to find health so important. And then I wanted to tell me a bit about your perspective on body, shape, size and our addiction to looking a certain way as opposed to feeling a certain way.


What does health mean to you (01:14:09)

Health became a really important part of my life because yeah, I grew up, I mentioned I grew up fairly overweight. And at the beginning, it was a lot more to do with changing the shape of my body. I really wanted to lose weight. And at that time, I knew I didn't want to do anything to extreme. Like, because I did my nutrition degree, I understood and I'd heard a lot about how yo-yo dieting can really affect your metabolism. And so for me, I didn't want to do the extremes of like eating barely anything to then getting, trying to get back to a normal diet, which I know I've seen people that they've done that and it ends up making you put on even more weight afterwards and how to lose weight after that. So I really wanted a healthy, sustainable way of doing that. And so, I mean, at the beginning, it was at college and it was at university and I started just cooking for me and my friends a lot at university because I lived out and yeah, it was, to be honest, I kind of just fell into it. Through the nutrition degree, I ended up learning a lot more about it. So I started cooking a lot more vegetables and I mean, I grew up vegetarian. And so my diet was also predominantly based on lentils and pulses and vegetables and, you know, all the Indian spices and flavors. And so yeah, that's where my health, my, this beginning of my health journey started was to lose weight. And then, like I said, when I came into Ayurveda and I started understanding that, it just grew my passion for it a lot more. But the, the, the inspiration for it was definitely through weight loss. But I knew I didn't want to do it in an unhealthy way and body image. Yeah, I think that something growing up, I always, always thought that to be healthy, a good image of health was my image of my own health was based on other people's body, shape or body size. And looking around, everybody around me, I always used to think that, okay, for me to be healthy, I needed to be slim, like I needed to be very skinny. And as I've grown up and I've, I've been through my ups and downs with my way and with my journey of health, I really realized that actually I've got to this point. And when I feel the best, like my version of health is when my organs feel like they're working in its best. When my skin feels incredible, when my digestion feels great, when my hair, my nails, you know, all the, all the indicators that I feel represent good health that I've learned is good health, when those things are happening. And also when my mind feels good, like, when do I feel at my most comfortable? Is it when I have, is it when I'm a specific body shape or is it when I'm working out and I feel great about it? Or am I struggling to get myself to the gym because of the goal that I have? Like, I feel fine if my goal is to lose weight, then for me, it's been really difficult to sustain it. And, and because I want to eat, like, I really enjoy eating. I really enjoy eating different foods and, and having a great balance in life. And so for me, it became more about how I feel and, and how my whole body feels in different ways rather than it being an indication of different body sizes and body shape. And I mean, I love getting into it. Like, I love, I love working out. And it's part of my day, part of my routine on a daily basis. And I don't believe that either end of the weight spectrum is healthy. There are health conditions associated to both. But I have realized that body trends change all the time. Like, you know, there's going to be a different body shape that's in fashion next week and the week after that and the month after that and the year after that. But if I am constantly trying to change my shape according to that, I'm not sure that that's what health means. Like, there's so much more to what being healthy means than just body shape and body size. And so, yeah, I think that that's what it means to me. I mean, I've struggled with it growing up. But at the moment now, after being through so much on that journey, I really feel like that's what health means to me.


Personal Fitness And Body Positivity

Understanding your body shape and being a healthy version for you (01:18:06)

And that's where I feel the happiest when I'm thinking about health in that way. Yeah. I love that answer. It's so true. I grew up because I grew up overweight as well. When I lost weight for the first time, I believe that being skinny or being slim was health. And then when I realized that it definitely wasn't because I went through my own health challenges, I was like, "Oh, wow, like health doesn't mean just not eating fatty foods." Like, which is really as basic and simplistic as my knowledge was for so long. And so hearing you say that, obviously having you coach me in my life every day is amazing. I really value it. It's changed my life for sure in terms of how I feel and what I eat and what I do and how I use my time. So thank you so much. And definitely, if you follow rather afterwards, you'll find so many great insights and more expert thoughts and practices that I think are genuine and practical for all of us. And that's what I love about them. Well, she saying works for everyone, the universal, and it's not about getting a specific goal externally. It's about getting a specific goal internally. And I don't think there's anything, I think it's incredible if someone wants to change that. I think it's incredible if someone has a goal of what they want their body to be. Sure. But all I'm trying to say is that I don't think just body shape is an indication of health. Which I feel is seen as health in a lot of ways, like a lot of fitness pages or a lot of exercise pages. They show most of the body shapes are similar. They are in a specific form, in a specific shape. And I just think it's incredible how beautifully unique everybody's body is. And it's like that is the beauty of the world that everybody is so beautiful and everyone is so unique in their own way. That why should everybody be aspiring for the same body shape? Why can't we all have our own individual shape and that be the beauty of it? Because yeah, like a trend's change, like face trends change, body's trends change. The way we speak changes are like, you know, our slang changes constantly. I just think everything's changing so much that if we try and just focus on who we want to be and change according to our own motivation rather than other people's view or how we see other people that will make a big difference to our mental state as well. Which is the journey I'm still going on guys. Thank you so much for watching that video. If you enjoyed it, here's another one I think you'll love. If you are getting crazy nervous on a date, you're already, that's already a reflection of the fact that you've valued the wrong things.


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