The Four Dos and Don'ts of Divorce | Warren Farrell | EP 187

🌰 Wisdom in a Nutshell

Essential insights distilled from the video.

1. Boy Crisis: Academic struggles, fatherlessness, and sports development.
2. Family court system unfair to fathers, traditional gender roles lead to pay gap.
3. Dating preferences and biases influence the workplace, with men seeking status and women seeking financial stability.
4. Father involvement is crucial for a child's development and well-being.
5. Gender-specific parenting approaches and teasing can influence child development.
6. Personal growth and responsible relationships are key to addressing male failure.
7. Value authenticity and invest in vocational training for male role models.
8. Mandatory service and dialogue can address gender challenges.

📚 Introduction

The 'Boy Crisis' is a pressing issue in developed nations, with boys facing academic struggles and higher rates of unemployment. This blog post explores the root causes of the crisis, the impact on various aspects of life, and the importance of addressing it for the well-being of boys, girls, and society as a whole.

🔍 Wisdom Unpacked

Delving deeper into the key ideas.

1. Boy Crisis: Academic struggles, fatherlessness, and sports development.

The 'Boy Crisis' refers to the academic struggles of boys in developed nations, leading to higher dropout rates and unemployment. The root cause is fatherlessness, as boys raised without fathers are more vulnerable to negative influences. Team sports and the liberal arts of sports are valuable for developing skills and decision-making. The crisis is evident in statistics such as the decline in sperm count and IQ of boys. It is important to address this issue as it not only affects boys but also has negative consequences for women and society as a whole.

2. Family court system unfair to fathers, traditional gender roles lead to pay gap.

The family court system can be unfair to fathers, with them being eight times more likely to commit suicide than mothers. Traditional gender roles often require fathers to prioritize earning money over their passion, leading to a pay gap. The author emphasizes the importance of 50/50 custody as the default, as it is difficult to argue against the mother-child bond in the first year of a child's life. Having a single mother, especially one with issues, is a predictor of aggressive behavior throughout a person's lifespan. This is more associated with young, uneducated mothers with psychiatric and health difficulties who lack social support. The takeaway is that these families are not producing children with the same probability of thriving. Japan has increased its vocational education programs, resulting in a 99.6% employment rate. Historically, men were programmed to be willing to die for women's love, leading to a disposable male hypothesis. This incentivizes caring about men who are willing to protect and die for women. The default response to helping alienated and angry young men is often contempt, reflecting a deep-rooted phenomenon. Our culture values highly successful men but disregards unsuccessful men, creating a paradox where men have it best at the top but worst at the bottom.

3. Dating preferences and biases influence the workplace, with men seeking status and women seeking financial stability.

The dating scene is influenced by societal norms and biases, with women often seeking successful men and men competing for status within a masculine hierarchy. This can lead to a preference for successful individuals and the likelihood of men living with their parents. The use of pornography can also alter the reward structure and punishment structure in dating. Men's higher earnings are often attributed to their choices, such as taking hazardous jobs and prioritizing their families. Women's dating preferences show a bias towards successful men, and they often seek partners who are at or above them in the socio-economic hierarchy. This can lead to challenges in the workplace, as some CEOs have expressed reluctance to mentor women due to the potential risks. Mentoring is a very intimate relationship, and the risk of being accused of inappropriate behavior has become significant. Men also have a preference for women who are about four years older, which is moderated in Scandinavian cultures. In China, women on dating sites prioritize men who own homes and cars, indicating their desire for competence and financial stability. Men also play the hypergamy game, with 82% believing that men should pay the full bill on the first date. The pay gap between men and women is often attributed to female hypergamy. If men demanded that their dating partners earn more than they do, there would likely be a pay gap in favor of women. Men are incentivized to earn more due to the rewards in the sexual market and the potential consequences of not doing so.

4. Father involvement is crucial for a child's development and well-being.

The well-being of children after divorce is crucial, with four must-dos: equal time with both parents, proximity, no badmouthing, and couples communication counseling. Father involvement is key to a child's development, as it predicts factors such as academic success and emotional well-being. Men should be fully involved and learn the traits of being responsible and emotionally connected fathers. Women should also value this role. The lack of father involvement can lead to feelings of worthlessness and a desire to help their children avoid the same mistakes. Dads provide different parenting styles, such as teasing and rough housing, which are valuable for children's growth and development. Single moms should consider the differences between dad style and mom style parenting. If possible, involve the biological father in family discussions and negotiations. If the biological father is not available, stepfathers can be advisors. Cub scouts and faith-based communities can also play a significant role in character development. Encourage your son to participate in team sports and activities that develop individual skills.

5. Gender-specific parenting approaches and teasing can influence child development.

The development of children is influenced by the gender of their parents, with boys benefiting from a more masculine approach and girls from a more feminine one. Traits like conscientiousness, work ethic, and the ability to delay gratification are associated with better long-term success. Teasing, a behavior often associated with fathers, can be beneficial for IQ development and playfulness. However, it can also be misinterpreted as discrimination, leading to negative consequences. The dialogue between parents of different genders is crucial for a healthy environment, with fathers encouraging risk-taking and mothers providing reassurance. Spacing children out by at least three years can minimize sibling rivalry. Children need to learn to say 'no' and understand the concept of boundaries, which can be facilitated by both mothers and fathers.

6. Personal growth and responsible relationships are key to addressing male failure.

The documentary 'Crumb' explores the relationship between failure and success, as well as sexual failure and success. It highlights the tragic lives of two brothers, one a sexual offender and the other who committed suicide. The primary empathy is for the men who are not succeeding. To address this, young men should take a hard look at themselves and focus on personal growth. They should prioritize education, employment, and becoming productive, generous, and attractive. The addictive element of pornography can lead to a distorted view of women as objects, reinforcing the belief that real-life women are unattainable. The documentary provides a deep study of Freudian psychopathology and offers a unique perspective on the world from the perspective of a down and out male loser.

7. Value authenticity and invest in vocational training for male role models.

The selection of a partner should be based on their genuine appreciation for who you are, rather than your status or predictable success. Investing in vocational training for men can lead to success in various areas of life. Schools can implement programs like male teacher courts, where men are trained to be teachers and serve in schools with female teachers, providing male role models in areas where they are lacking. This data-driven approach can benefit everyone, including children, by offering a range of role models, including traditional males, to inspire and guide them.

8. Mandatory service and dialogue can address gender challenges.

The concept of mandatory service, with different types of service and choices for individuals, can address supply and demand issues. It's crucial to have a dialogue between men and women to understand the challenges faced by both genders. Toxic masculinity, which keeps feelings hidden, can result in destructive behavior and mass shootings. Encouragement is a central characteristic of the benevolent paternal spirit, while moms often repeat encouragement and dads enforce boundaries and hold children accountable.

💡 Actionable Wisdom

Transformative tips to apply and remember.

Encourage father involvement in children's lives and advocate for fair family court systems. Support programs that promote vocational education and provide diverse role models for children. Foster open dialogue between parents of different genders and prioritize personal growth over societal expectations. Choose partners based on genuine appreciation and invest in self-improvement. By taking these actions, we can contribute to creating a more balanced and supportive environment for boys and girls to thrive.

📽️ Source & Acknowledgment

Link to the source video.

This post summarizes Jordan B Peterson's YouTube video titled "The Four Dos and Don'ts of Divorce | Warren Farrell | EP 187". All credit goes to the original creator. Wisdom In a Nutshell aims to provide you with key insights from top self-improvement videos, fostering personal growth. We strongly encourage you to watch the full video for a deeper understanding and to support the creator.