Episode 108: Stop Gossiping - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 108: Stop Gossiping - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast".


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Intro (00:00)

This is Ryan Neidell, host of 15 Minutes to Freedom, a podcast dedicated to helping you expand your mindset and get shit done. Be sure to subscribe to this show and leave me a review if I've been able to impact your life in any way. Reviews help me reach a higher ranking, which in turn allows the message to reach more people. It's my goal with this podcast to positively impact a million people's lives. Also, check out RyanNidell.com for additional content. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L.com. Also find me on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Facebook at Ryan Nidell. Today's episode is Stop Gossiping. episode is Stop Gossiping. So in today's show, I'm going to share with you what lessons I have learned throughout my life as far as why not to gossip and just take it straight to the source and how if you do that, it streamlines your life and allows for an immense amount of productivity.

Discussion On Gossip And Personal Experiences

Stop Gossiping (00:51)

and allows for an immense amount of productivity. So as many of you know, I had this great, great friend of mine named Miles. And Miles has since passed on. You know, I shared on a couple episodes ago that Miles overdosed actually on cocaine that was laced with fentanyl back on March 3rd. But Miles was someone that was in my life for the better part of eight or nine months. third, but Miles was someone that was in my life for the better part of eight or nine months. And Miles had this incredibly intense loyalty to those people that were in his life. Like really incredible. Like I don't really even know how to describe it. Like if you were on Miles' team, like he would do anything for you. It was really the coolest thing that I've ever experienced. Because up to that point, I don't know that I had that amount of loyalty ever shown to me or had been around me in my life. So I distinctly remember there was this time where Miles and I, another buddy of ours, Zach, were wrapping up a workout at Lifetime Fitness. fitness. Now, Zach is somebody that owns and has owned this incredibly successful t-shirt and apparel manufacturing company here in Columbus, Ohio named Traxler Printing. And Zach and I are talking, one of Miles' other friends named Lot has this company that's called Ohio Dynasty. And Lot's in the process of wanting to scale out his company. He knows that this Ohio Dynasty T-shirt apparel company has become incredibly successful and he wants to essentially franchise it and take it to other markets, which I think is incredible. What a phenomenal idea. But in this world, Lott and Zach and Miles, they all have their own relationship with one another. They all know each other for their own basis. And I can't say that I really knew or understood that. I just was told that they were all acquaintances slash friends. Now, obviously, Miles and Lot, if you were to look at Miles' two closest friends, I think those of us that were closest to him in the past, you know, the last eight or 10 months of his life, believe you would have had to have said, if Miles wasn't with me, he was with Lot. We were kind of the two that he was closest with. And so we're having this conversation after our workout and we're out of the shower and we're getting dressed. And no, get your mind out of the gutter. We all have clothes on. We're in the locker room and we're having this conversation about Zach helping out Lot with some additional scalability inside of Ohio Dynasty. And I start asking Miles questions if Lot has secured other domains. Has Lot secured other names? Has Lot secured other LLCs for other regions? And Miles is like, I don't think so. And Zach actually knows the answer. Zach says, no, he hasn't yet. And so I say, well, we should secure the domain and then you're kind of forced to work with him. He'd have to work with you. It's almost a leverage point. And Miles goes off. Like Miles, it's the only time I've ever seen Miles mad was in this moment. Like Miles gets up in my face and like starts cussing at me and yelling at me like, Lot's my guy, that's fucking wrong, don't do that, that's a dick move, all these things. And he's right. Those were not appropriate things. Now I said it with a smile on my face and a wink and a nod, but there was definitely some truth to what I was saying.

Milan Was Activated (04:24)

I'm not going to back down from that. And there's this commotion about it. So I separate myself. I go use the restroom. I come back and I apologize to Miles. I'm like, look, man, I didn't mean any sort of actual harm by that. I would never acquire these names or licenses or do things to adversely affect anybody's business, let alone somebody that's your best friend. I just would never do it. And so we hug it out and we go back and forth and that's that. Well, I had never had the opportunity to meet Lot face-to-face until Miles' untimely passing. I met Lot the first time the week of Miles' death. And in meeting Lot, you know, we're sharing these stories of Miles. And I then shared this story, the one I just shared with you, about the intense loyalty that Miles had towards Lot and how he stood up for him right away. Even though admittedly, I mean, he might have had better abs and all this crazy stuff he would have said, but I was a much larger physical specimen than Miles was. I mean, Miles was maybe 210 pounds. I don't know. And I was walking around that point at least 285, maybe even 290. And it like just didn't matter, like a switch flipped in his head. And so I'm sharing this story with a lot and I'm apologizing to a lot that I've said this and this has happened behind his back because in some capacity, this turns into a form of gossip. Now, of course I wouldn't have actually done that and all these things, but I should have asked miles for lots phone number. I should have called lot and said, Hey buddy, you should protect yourself. If someone with less morals or less values, or just someone that wants to slow down the growth of your business wants to become a real pain in your side, they can go out and buy the domains and do all these things. And all of a sudden, the business that you have and the different markets you're going to go after are going to be hard to capitalize on. Someone's going to have something they can hold over your head. But I didn't do that. You see, I essentially gossiped about Lot. It's like, oh, well, Lot doesn't know that he should do these things or if he he does know he hasn't done them yet, so we should do it for him and then use that to become partners.

Zachs Ridiculous Shirt (06:21)

It's grimy, right? And that's not something to be proud of. But I have this conversation. I take it right to Lot. Again, forced situation, forced to around each other. And I think the world of Lot now, Lot and I are friends and have a great working relationship. Actually going to start having him come in once a week and help scale some of his businesses just as the thing that you would do if he was your friend, as Lot is. And so I'm realizing through this conversation, how many other times in life have I started gossiping about somebody instead of just taking it to the source. You see, once I took it to the source to lot, once we discussed it, our relationship has now grown into such a way that we're now actual friends. And I'm going to actually get to help him scale some of the marketing efforts in his business. And I don't want anything in return. Admittedly, I never did. I just want to help him be as successful as he can possibly be. And he doesn't need me. He has a successful business. He's got one of the top three largest apparel brands in Ohio. He doesn't need me for anything. But it feels good to be a part of it. But as I think about it, there's all these other times where I thought it was appropriate to have a conversation about someone that wasn't there to defend themselves. You know, I can go as far back in my memory as I'm able to go, and I don't know how many times I actually had the balls to say something that was slanderous to the person that I was saying it about. Like I just, I wasn't that guy. And it's a weakness. It's a weakness of character. And so, of course, Miles passed away first week in March. And it's not because he passed away that I've started living this even hyper-accelerated version of life. I went to Warrior Week and had a bunch of things happen in his untimely passing and the way that I view the world now and how important relationships are. But now I literally refuse to have a conversation about someone that's not present to defend themselves. And I'm oftentimes brought into old conversations about old employers, about how uniquely wired they are or what they stand for or, man, we should get together sometime and talk about whoever these people are. My instant answer back to that with no hesitation is I would love to connect with you, but if we're going to talk about an individual that's not there to defend themselves, I'm not in. Because that shit happens in reverse to me all the time. You know, as I've shared in past episodes, Lindsay and I have had groups of friends, had, past tense, groups of friends that I thought had our backs. Now I stand on my own two feet and stand with my head held high and my shoulders wide. But every once in a while it's nice to know someone's got your back. Like if something, push came to shove, you know they defend you, even if they didn't know the truth. But instead, these old groups of friends decide it's much better to go down the path of attacking what they don't know. Attacking the way I used to live my life. Attacking as though I'm still the person that cheats or still the person that lies or still the person that does anything the above. Instead of just picking up the phone and calling me or texting me or stopping by to see me, it's all this, who can I share it with? Who can I tell about this person to make others think he's worse than he is? And I'm by no means a perfect person. I still go through my own trials and tribulations and try to grow every day just like the rest of us. But I do know is the fact that so far I have yet to have any individual actually come up to me, look me in the eye, point me in the chest and say, you are X, Y, and Z, and I have to say it to your face. And I don't know if it's because of my physical size and people are intimidated by that, or if it's any number of things. It's just so incredible to me because it's so freeing once you finally do that. Like Zach Traxell, the one I shared the story with to start this episode, I subleased space from him for our office. That's where we sit. That's where I'm recording this episode, I subleased space from him for our office. That's where we sit. That's where I'm recording this episode from right now. And in this space, we're in this really old building. And it's cool because when we moved in, it was just 2,200 square feet of open concrete floor and very old tin roof. And there was nothing here, like zero. So we got to build it out exactly how we wanted it, which has its blessings and its curses. Air conditioning and heat didn't quite work. The roof leaked. Didn't have keys to the front door. All these things. And so over time, you know, we've been in here since December, January, February. It doesn't really matter the time period. A lot of these issues just got brushed to the wayside. Zach would get busy. I would get busy. Well, it's the rainy season. It's the hot season. So it's raining and our roof is leaking and it's hot and the air conditioning is not working. And I'm just like, enough is enough. So instead of gossiping to the guys about how bad this spot is or sharing it with other people, I pick up the phone and I call Zach. My man, this is what's going on. We have to come up with a solution. I need to get a fix on it. I'm going to have to not pay rent this month if that's the leverage point I need in order to fix the roof. In order to not have water on the floor. In order to have it be that as I'm recording these podcasts, it's not 87 degrees in the studio. If you've heard some of the episodes from two, three weeks ago, you will hear me physically panting on the mic unless Doug has been able to water it down because I'm sweating. I'm dripping with sweat. I'm sure if you went to my YouTube page, you could see the neck around my shirt actually getting damp with perspiration.

Gossiping 2.0 (12:33)

It's that bad. But again, I'm not gossiping. I bring it right to the source. but again I'm not gossiping I bring it right to the source and he's overwhelmed Zach's you know taking over another company and is running his company and there's just scale stuff happening everywhere and he's like look man I'll get it figured out I'm sorry and lo and behold I now sit in an office with an a working temperature of 72 degrees and it's rained and there's no water coming in and everything's right with the world. But there was no need for gossip. Zach didn't do anything wrong and nothing would have gotten fixed had I shared it with anybody else or shared it with you or went home and complained to Lindsay. Something had to happen because I had to take it to the source. So where in your life are you not taking your issues to the source? Where are you gossiping about someone that's not there to defend themselves? Is it the gym? Cause you see the guy that's overly developed that you're just snickering behind the scenes that that guy has to be taking steroids. It's gotta be, he got his juice to the gills. Look at him. He's got veins in his biceps. Well, I still have veins on my biceps and I haven't taken anabolics in four or five months. There's some people that just lean that have veins in their biceps. Not everybody is running gear. But if you think he is, go up and ask him about it. And let's say he is. What are you going to do about it? Why does it even matter? It probably doesn't. Maybe to work. Maybe you're sitting there snickering at the water fountain with the guy that everybody thinks is the kiss-ass inside the office. The one that's always got his nose up the superior's rear end. So you're all, oh, you see what Jimmy did today? He brought in an apple. He's really working hard to get that promotion. Well, sure. Why don't you just go talk to Jimmy and ask him why he's doing it? For all you know, Jimmy doesn't have a positive person to hang out with. That person happens to be nice to him, and you're being a jackass by picking on him so he doesn't feel safe around you. Or maybe it's in your relationship. Maybe it's you're dating somebody that you know some bad things about the person that your best friend's dating. And you're talking to all your other friends about it. You're sharing all these stories, all these things with your other friends. But you're not taking it right to the source, I guarantee you that every day you end up getting shit done. you

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