Episode 11: Speaking Your Mind - 15 Minutes to Freedom Podcast | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 11: Speaking Your Mind - 15 Minutes to Freedom Podcast".
Note: This transcription is split and grouped by topics and subtopics. You can navigate through the Table of Contents on the left. It's interactive. All paragraphs are timed to the original video. Click on the time (e.g., 01:53) to jump to the specific portion of the video.
This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's topic is speaking your fucking mind. So, quick story. Yesterday I wake up and I'm greeted to Lindsay, my fiance, being just fucking pissed. She is not happy. Her energy's all fucked up. She's mad about everything. She's kind of stomping around the house. Like, man, I instantly go through mental checklists. Like, what the fuck could I have possibly done wrong in my sleep since we went to bed the night before? I can't come up with anything. So I eventually go through my daily routine and I'm doing my things and ask her, like, what's wrong? She's like, I'm just so stressed out. I'm so stressed out about the wedding and all these things we have going on. And so a little backstory with this. Our wedding originally had a venue place, you know, picked out here in Columbus at the zoo. And one thing leads to another and the zoo is still a viable option. We actually put a down payment on it, but I become partners with a group out of basically Venice Beach, California, and decided that we would rather get married on the rooftop of one of my partner's houses in Venice. Beautiful wedding, smaller, a little more intimate, a little more us. We just love Venice Beach. And as that progresses, it sounds great. Lindsay's in, I'm in, we tell all of our friends, we send out invitations. But then that partnership slowly unravels, you know, kind of goes its own direction. That's life. That stuff happens. But now we're left without somewhere to get married at. All of our friends have already booked houses and here we sit with nowhere to get married or nowhere to stay. So we start doing research and research and research, and I can't help it, I'm inherently a little bit cheap. I don't like to just throw away money on things. And granted, I know a wedding, it's a once in a lifetime thing, and it's not throwing away money, but to me it is, it's an experience and an event that ends up being for all the guests instead of for Lindsay and I. And so we eventually find a few houses that meet our criteria, because we still want to get married on the rooftop of somewhere. It's just important to me. I've just had this mental picture now of a rooftop on the beach, overlooking the ocean, above the noise, beautiful sunset, and that's just what I want. Okay, so we find the place, and we end up looking at down payments and deposits and all this crazy shit And then it keeps bouncing around so that was our original plan and then it bounces to well Maybe we'll go married on the beach somewhere and then it gets we'll get married on a grassy knoll that overlooks a beach and then We got to find another place to stay and then we find another place to stay that we can have a reception at and the fucking The homeowners don't want us having more than 20 people on the roof and we have 35 people And so lind Lindsay's all excited. We found the right place and all these things go the right way. And then as she sleeps on it overnight, she realizes none of it's what she wants. That she's concerned because here we are 45 days away and we don't have a solid plan yet. And I get it. That's enough to make most people nervous, upset, frustrated. But just the night before, she was fucking excited about the fact that we have this beautiful home that overlooks the beach. That we could make work. But just the night before, she was fucking excited about the fact that we have this beautiful home that overlooks the beach that we could make work. And so now she takes Gianna to a dentist appointment or an orthodontist appointment and I'm at home. I normally am out the door at 8 o'clock going to the gym, but I just feel all fucked up now because when her energy is off, it makes my energy off. And so we're a little bit fighting. She doesn't know we're fighting yet. I'm fighting internally like, fuck, why didn't I approach this differently? Why didn't I handle the situation differently? So I'm going through my core four and my stack and all those things. Those of you that don't know what the core four is, it's every day I focus on body, being, balance, and business and I do certain actionable items to make sure that I'm in power as I leave the house. And a stack is a way for me to find a positive out of a negative situation. These are all things that Garrett J. White taught us in Wake Up Warrior. Go ahead and take a look at his podcast, give him a listen, or go to wakeupwarrior.com if you wanna check it out.
Personal Growth And Emotional Awareness
But nonetheless, now that I give him his selfless, or I give him his selfless promotion, I finish my core four and she comes home, or she actually calls. Said, you know, I'm gonna go to the gym core four and she comes home or she actually calls, said, you know, I'm going to go to the gym. Do you want to go? Like, yeah, sure. Fuck it. My day is already fucked up. She comes home. I'm like, look, we got, we have to have a conversation. We have to make a little bit of headway here with where we sit. Like this negative attitude about how nothing's right in the world, doesn't work for me. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work for me that you're sitting here telling me all the things that we don't have. We have somewhere we can get married now. We have somewhere that will suit what our needs are. And it goes back and I start really recanting the different things that have went on over the past month. And it's that the horse we have isn't right, or the house that we have isn't right, or the cars we have isn't right, or that this person is building this new home. And these people we know in Palm Beach are buying this great horse. And oh my gosh, there's all these things that other people have. And I'm like, you know what? Fuck all this. That's fucking ridiculous. Like our life is good. Like I'm okay. I always want more. I always want to reach for more. I'm always trying to expand myself and my business and my body and every aspect of my life. I'm trying to expand. But in the moment, it's a process. I'm in the process of progress, but she can't see it that way.
Are you good with who you are or upset where you are? (05:19)
All she keeps saying and talking about is all the shit that we don't have. And I'm fucking fed up with it. And I'm not yelling at her. I'm not degrading her. I'm saying, look, this is the facts of our situation. This is what's really went on. This is how I feel. This is this level of communication that we have to have. So look, if you're not good with the house we live in, if you're not okay with the horse that we have, the cars that we have or the vacations we can take, if you need more than that, then I'm not your guy. And it's sad to say, but you'd have to go find a different man. Because we're 45 days away from our wedding, and I love the shit out of you. But I love myself more. I love how I feel more. But I don't love how I feel right now. And I, if I'm being honest with myself, I haven't loved how I felt for the past four, six, eight weeks. Because what happens is I come home and I sit down on the couch and we have our conversations. And instead of there being positive, like, oh my gosh, all this great stuff happened today. Or my gosh, this, this is good. Or I'm so proud of you because of this. Or I'm so excited we could take a family trip. It's the exact opposite. It's the negative side of each one of those equations. And my mind doesn't work that way. I find the positive in everything. When I'm around people that have that negative energy, it fucking destroys me. There's no part of me that thinks that way. So as we go through all the things that Lindsay's mad about, all the things that she feels like we don't have enough of, all the things that make me ultimately feel inferior, like I'm not fucking providing enough. Her ex-husband does very well for himself. Man is not a good individual as far as how I view a man should be, but he does very well for himself in the business that he owns. I'm like, look, if that's the shit that's important to you, then you can go back that direction. And it's not an ultimatum or a threat. It's like, I do okay. Our business is good. I can provide for us.
Not loving the Shit Out of Yourself (07:08)
We don't want for anything in life. But here we sit. You're fucking mad that we don't have a $100,000 horse? We don't have a $25,000 horse? Like, what the fuck is that? We have a horse. Like, we have one of the most expensive, ridiculous things you can possibly own. Like, we have one of the most expensive, ridiculous things you can possibly own. It's two or $2,500 a month to keep the horse fed and housed and all the other stuff, plus the expense of a horse. And you're mad that it's not a better horse? Like our home, we live on a golf course in Columbus, Ohio. It's not a phenomenal house, but it's plenty nice enough. It's a four bedroom, I don't know, 4,500 square foot house, but it's not a phenomenal house, but it's plenty nice enough. It's a four bedroom, I don't know, 4,500 square foot house. But it's not a brand new custom build house. And so like I said, there's all these things. And it's natural, again, I'm the king of material things. I always want more. And I fucking love people that want more. I want a Ferrari, I want a Rolls Royce, I want a custom built new home. But again, I understand the fact that I'm in the process of progress. It's going to come. It's coming, but it's just not here yet. And so we have this tough conversation. We're having this tough conversation over and over. And all of a sudden I look down and it's been two plus hours of us kind of going back and forth and not attacking each other, but just speaking our mind. And I eventually stop and I say, look, I now realize that the issue isn't so much with you. The issue is actually inside of me. And this issue that's inside of me is the fact that when you say something about a horse and it bothers you that you don't have a nicer horse, what happens is I let you vent, I let you say what's on your mind, and then I never circle back around and say, stop it, you're fucking crazy. That's like saying I don't have a nice enough Ferrari. Who cares? You almost don't say this shit out loud, but I'm saying it to you guys. It's because I don't speak my mind often enough. And when I do, it's because it's bottled up and eventually boils over. So she might be at fault for the things she quote unquote says, but I'm just as much at fault for letting it go on for as long as it did. And after some tears and some sharing and making up in the way it feels, there's this reset, there's this recalibration. And a good friend of mine, my partner says, it's almost like getting enough air over a wound. Eventually it scabs over and it's harder to wound next time. And maybe that's true in this situation. But I got to thinking, how many other aspects, how many other things in life am I just not owning my fucking feelings? How many things am I just not saying real time? Like this marketing company, GSD Media Group. Sure, I can market products and we know all this stuff, but I've come to the realization now that I want more. I want to inspire people. I want to help people. I want to push people to be better than they were because I can say it through the scope of all the stuff I've been through in my life and where I'm at now. And I am still in the process of progress. I have not quote unquote made it somewhere yet, but I know there's a bunch of people in the process of progress. I have not quote unquote made it somewhere yet. But I know there's a bunch of people in the world that if I can spend time with them and instill upon them my mindset and some key things that have made me a better man and a better person, that they will become better if they institute them. That's what I want. I want there to be a reason why I live. Not just to make money. Not just to buy a new horse or a different car. Like, fuck all that. But it's been something that I've been bottling up inside of me for a long time that I haven't felt comfortable sharing with the world. My own insecurities, my own level of self-doubt, my own just crazy shit that goes on in my mind instead of just owning the fact of like, look, I can do that stuff. Or how about when a client pisses me off at the office and I swallow my tongue and don't say anything, what the fuck is that doing for me?
Tuning Up And Owning Our Emotions (10:51)
That's not serving me. It's not helping me become a better man, a better businessman. It's not helping them get better. What? Because they keep changing what they want on their project and I don't tune them up and say, like, look, no, motherfucker, this is what we said we were going to do and we executed on it and now you want more? And you're mad at us that we're missing deadlines. Like, fuck that. That's not the way this works. That's why we do scoping documents. That's why we communicate with our clients. But no, I don't say that shit. I'm polite, I backpedal, you know, let them air their grievances. Fuck that. Like, owning our feelings and expressing how we think and our emotions, that's part of life. But as men, we have been taught for our entire lives to sedate those fucking things down. As a man, you're taught don't cry, don't act out, don't be aggressive, don't upset the apple cart, don't say things to hurt people's feelings. And so you get watered down, you get pushed down, you get beaten down. Or my situation, you had external environment, environmental things as well. You had parents that helped add to that. You had mentors that helped add to that. You had my own dumb ass decisions that helped add to that. And so you look at all that shit together, all of it together, and what are you left with? A man that's going out on his own, graduating college or leaving college or quitting college or never fucking going to college, but he's out on his own and he has no clue what being a man really means. Because from where I sit, being a man doesn't mean just making a bunch of money and coming home and fucking your wife. It means so much more than that. It didn't always, but it does now. It means that you're a good family man. It means that you're a good provider. It means that you're a good listener. But it also means that you're a good family man. It means that you're a good provider. It means that you're a good listener. But it also means that you're in touch with your feelings. It means that you can own where you're at in any moment. That you don't shut off that voice, that heart, that whatever it is that's inside of you, that you keep that fucking thing pounding. And then when it speaks to you, that you're comfortable enough to share it. Like, it's all right, I'll say it, I cry. I'm emotional. Not all the time. But when the situation moves me, or it's all right. I'll say it. I cry. I'm emotional. Not all the time. But when the situation moves me or it's warranted, fuck yes, I cry. I still cry at least once a week thinking about Miles. Sit out at his desk in my office and think, man, I fucking miss this guy. Then Lindsay and I talk about our wedding and the fact I don't have a best man. He was supposed to stand next to me. And he's not here. Like, and she says, well, you know, everybody just knows. So he's going to be there in spirit. And that shit fucking kills me. Like my eyes water up right now. They're watering talking about that. But as men, we're supposed to be powerful. We're supposed to be strong. We're not supposed to show emotion. Like that's not life. That's not how this shit works, right? That's not what my father taught me to do. So you have to start owning, in my opinion, you have to start owning your fucking feelings. Own your emotions. Say that shit. That doesn't give you right to blow up, treat people like shit, be aggressive. It means when something bothers you, fucking say it bothers you. Deliver the message in a way that's able to be understood and then in a way that's able to alter the decision of someone else. At least then it can give you the opportunity to understand, do you still want to be around that person or not? Do you still want to be in that relationship or do you want to back out of it? Do you still want to associate with those people? Like how does that work if people aren't lining up with you and they're pissing you off all the time and you're swallowing your emotions? Why are you subjecting yourself to that shit? We all do it. Fuck, I did it for the past 32 years. I just turned 34. It was the better part of all last year that I finally woke the fuck up and stopped doing that. But it took 33 years basically of making the wrong decisions to make that work the right way. So what I'm gonna encourage you to do is take stock of your actual physical emotions.
Take Stock Of The Shit Inside Of You (14:49)
Like what's the shit inside of you that you're just swallowing, that you're not sharing with the world? Maybe it's some dark shit, maybe it's some stuff that is gonna take more than just you expressing it out loud to get it out. But maybe it's something pretty passive that builds up over time. Maybe it's the fact more than just you expressing it out loud to get it out. But maybe it's something pretty passive that builds up over time. Maybe it's the fact that you just get mad that you don't have a connection with your spouse. And you know you used to and you don't know how to get back to it. Well, you can start getting back to it by having communication about it. Odds are, your spouse wants the same shit you do. What about in your business? Where that shit's just not firing on all cylinders? Or you're mad at clients, or you don't like a coworker, or you're just fucking pissed. You can say that.
Done May Get Sequentially Done And Go To Your Mums. (15:33)
You have the right to say that. Just do it in a way that you can hold your head high and not be an asshole. Because all these things, sequentially, every day, day over day, keep getting you one step closer to whatever you want your outcome to be. Which is why every day, no matter what goes on, you have to get shit done.
Discussion On Dishonesty And Negative Communication
Honest And Evil, Bizardly Attack Talkers. (15:50)
Hey guys, Ryan here. Thanks for joining me today. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you consume audio and subscribe to 15 Minutes to Freedom. If this brought you value, please do me a favor and drop me a five-star rating. Then share this podcast with someone who needs to hear it. For additional content, head over to RyanNidell.com. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L dot com.