Episode 128: The Gray Will Kill You - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 128: The Gray Will Kill You - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast".


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Intro (00:00)

This is Ryan Neidell, host of 15 Minutes to Freedom, your daily podcast dedicated to bettering your life. When you get value from one of my episodes, if you wouldn't mind reciprocating that value by leaving me a comment and a review, it would mean the world to me. The more reviews I get, the higher my ranking is on every podcast syndication network possible, which opens me up to new listeners on a daily basis. Today's episode is The Gray Will Kill You. So I've got this friend, and the friend over the past six months to a year has become a very close friend of mine. Someone I value our time and truly our bond together. Now, this guy's just a world-class guy. He came into my life at a unique time where, gosh, I had reached out to him because he was involved with some social media marketing and some things. And I was an active bystander in what he was doing. And when I say an active bystander, what I was doing was following along in his journey and his partner's journey in the fitness offer they were offering to the world. And it was a strong call to action. Things were good, but I could see from a marketing aspect that these two guys together were phenomenal creating good quality content and workouts, but not the best at marketing, which is not that uncommon. Creating the marketing funnels to really hook somebody is not the easiest thing to do. And so I was reaching out consistently, not trying to drum up business, but as someone that's from the same community, I said, look, I just care about your success. Something's telling me to reach out to you. Something's telling me to offer you some guidance. And so I did, over and over again, kept offering him guidance and the opportunity to sit down with him and his partner at that time, face-to-face out in California. And in this face-to-face meeting, I covered a plethora of different events, different mindsets, different methodologies that would help them convey their message in a more compelling manner, to get more people to go from lookers to buyers, and just to make a better impact on the world. We had plans on working together because at this point, this individual had decided that he thought the products and services that I had might be of value to him and his company and wanted to partner up, wanted us to help with the marketing. And so I presented them with a proposal. And for whatever the reason, the way that life works, although I added value and created a relationship and spent time and didn't hard close, it just didn't work. I wasn't able to pull the ball through the hoop. So now this guy that's my friend, that was an acquaintance before that is now drifting into a friendship, he eventually steps away from this business. And he steps away somewhat forcibly, like there wasn't a complete, gosh, there wasn't a complete parting of ways that was clean. You know, my friend thought about taking this business in one direction, his partner in the business thought about taking it in another, and it just wasn't going to line up long term. And so tough conversations were had and parting of ways went on and unfortunately transfer of funds didn't happen the right way in my humble opinion. Again, that's coming from my standpoint, that's not coming from my friend's standpoint. I'm sitting back watching and seeing all this happen and realize the blood, sweat, and tears that my friend has put into creating this enterprise that hasn't yielded any fruit. It's not producing the outcome. And that's not because he didn't deserve the outcome. It's just the structure of the deal wasn't ironclad to start with. I would call that some gray. And although that's not what this episode ultimately is about, it's not this particular situation, there was gray surrounding the way that people interacted.

Exploring The Many Shades Of Gray

Be Aware of Gray Areas (03:48)

And when I say gray surrounding the way that people interacted, there was not a hard, fast, concrete understanding of the roles, responsibilities, and incomes associated with those aforementioned items. And so when the day came to part ways, there's this, well, what do I get paid? There was no answer. There's no answer to what he gets paid, and there's no answer to what he gets paid because there was no contract, there was no agreement on the front side that was ever truly itemized. And so there's some gray associated with that. And any time that there's gray, there's going to be somebody's feathers that get a little ruffled. Again, I'm no one to say right from wrong. Lord knows I've made a ton of poor decisions that had poor outcomes on the backside. That's how I lived my life for a long time. But in this particular situation, this individual and I, during this time period, are getting closer and closer as friends. This individual and I, during this time period, are getting closer and closer as friends. He has a bunch of questions because he had heard some crazy things about me around Columbus. Like he was dating a woman at the time that had shared with him these really unique things. And I'm not judging if these are your lifestyle. Like you live your life and I live mine. And I believe we can all live in some sort of pseudo level of harmony. But this individual told my friend that my wife and I, Lindsay, were swingers, like his now ex-girlfriend. She also had shared with him that I was always arguing with Lindsay, that every time we'd get around a social group, I made everybody uncomfortable because all I did was argue with her. Well, although I was not the best guy to start my relationship with Lindsay, which I've shared openly, I'll just say that for what it really is, I was a piece of shit to start the relationship with Lindsay. I didn't honor the sanctity of our relationship. I was involved in another relationship when I came in to meet Lindsay, and that's how we started. Those first six months were a pivotal six months in our relationship. And they were pivotal because I was a liar and a cheater. She happened to find the grace and forgiveness to allow those things to eventually fall to the wayside, where we've worked through those things, and I would never disrespect her again. But in saying that, I certainly had never offered another couple or another man or another woman the opportunity to be interactive with Lindsay and I in whatever capacity you want to take that to be. Lord knows, in addition to that, the only time I have ever fought with Lindsay, and I've shared this on a few episodes, I've been mad at Lindsay twice in my life. Once when her foe died in Vegas and she ended up coming to Denver and everything was fine. And once when she didn't go to the doctor when she wasn't feeling well and instead decided to push through on a family trip. We've never argued. I took my lumps and we had tough conversations based off the inappropriate nature of how I was acting for the first six months of our relationship. It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. but all those things were based upon me. They were my bad decisions. They were things that I wasn't doing right. We certainly were never around a social circle of people where I was arguing and yelling or being abusive. That's not my personality in any capacity. I don't yell. I'm now no longer afraid of confrontation, but I don't yell just to yell, and I certainly never take that out on Lindsay. And so as I've shared with you, I believe we all carry around frames in which we view the world through.

John is evaluating his friendships (07:06)

And the frame that my buddy was carrying around looking at me through was this lying, cheating, aggressive swinger. And so as I've added value to his life for a series of months now, we're talking three, four, five, maybe even six months where I've added value and asked for nothing in return because I generally just care about him and care about his success. He eventually opens up. He's like, man, can I ask you some questions? Can I share with you some things that I've heard about you? Well, for any of you that have ever went down that path and you've had somebody sit down and say, can I share with you some things I've heard about you? I got that pitting feeling in my stomach, like almost I'm going to be sick. Like, what is he going to share with me that I don't know? What are these stories that have been told about me in this small community we live in? And I say small. Columbus has, let's just say, 2 million people in greater Columbus. But yet it seems to be very small with the social circles that we run in. And so he shares these stories, and I just laugh. I said, man, you call my wife. You call any, like, it doesn't matter who you call. Like, these are just not things that make me who you think that I am. And of course, now he realizes those things not to be true because we spend so much time together. But in this particular time in life, there's, if we fast forward to now, there's just gray that surrounds life for him. And I respect him tremendously. He's a phenomenal man. And I'm leaving his name out of this because his name isn't relevant. This can be any person that any of us know. This is not to protect anybody. There's nothing salacious going going on this is the fact that a name associated with the person we'll just call him john doesn't matter because as john's life has spun in different directions and he's creating new possibilities for himself and looking for more fulfillment out of his life john's ball is bouncing in a very specific direction right now, a direction that I'm happy for him to go down. If he is happy, I am happy for John. But in John's journey, there are people that are coming in and out of his life fairly consistently, as it does with anybody that's going on a personal journey. Think about your life right now for a second if you would. When's the last time that you were going down a journey, you're going down a path to create something better for yourself and there were people that you didn't know were going to fit or not fit? Not because they were bad people or good people, assuming that those things don't really exist, that those are just titles and names we put on people. But you knew that some people weren't going to come along for the ride. At least not in the current way they view life. So my buddy John's at this crossroad. Where he's spending time with people and is unsure if he should continue to spend time with people or not. And it's crazy because the way that he views life, the things that he shares, the matters of the heart that he carries around with him, would align, in my humble opinion, with eliminating people from his life. Sometimes people just don't fit. At least not right now in the moment.

The different shades of gray (10:47)

It doesn't mean, again, that they can't ever come back on the journey. It doesn't mean that they're bad people. It simply means that in today's world, the value that they're adding to your life might not fit. And that's what John has shared with me, that right now he's just tired of being tired, and these people make him feel tired. And so I encourage John, you've got to listen to your heart here, just as I would encourage you. If you're getting tired of spending time with someone, friend, significant other, girlfriend, whatever it would be, you need to address that, speak it out loud, understand the variables that come into that, and then make a decision based upon that. And John started going down that path. John eventually got to the point of having the tough conversations and spending time focused on, do these relationships serve me for the ultimate goals I wish to achieve? The answer in the moment seemed to be no, they don't. But as time goes on, we have these associations. We have these things that we think matter. And Lord knows I'm not in John's shoes. I don't know what he goes through. I don't know his daily struggles. I just know the part of John's life that he shares with me. through. I don't know his daily struggles. I just know the part of John's life that he shares with me. Based off that, based off, I'll say the unhighlight reel, none of us share when we're ultra happy in our friendships. We just don't. I don't go around saying like, man, Doug is the best guy in the world because he takes care of the podcast. And sure, I give him kudos on the show every once in a while, but I'm not like beating my chest. But the minute that Doug screws something up for three days in a row, I'm going to say something. Like it's going to be like it's easy to talk the negative. It's not so easy to talk the positive. And so John's sharing with me the pieces and parts that I feel are negative. But now there's this gray associated with where John is at in his life. And I can say that from the outside looking in. And I've had gray in my life plenty of times. So I feel pseudo like I'm standing on a little stool throwing rocks at a glass house. Because I've been there before. I've had plenty of gray in my life. But I see this and I see these friends that John wants something greater for. John wants to be able to flap his wings and expand and grow and conquer a marketplace, which I think he has full capacity of. But when John has to pour mental energy into spending time with people that don't align with all of the vision, that don't align with all of the goal, that don't align with 100% of the energy he puts out, at some point there has to be the realization from John that these people are holding him back from his ultimate greatness and it is fucking uncomfortable to let go of Associations and relationships that we've had for months if not years based off of them not serving us any longer No one wants to break up a friendship nobody wants to break up a relationship Especially when there's inherently nothing that's horribly wrong with that relationship. You just feel it in your soul that you don't align anymore. Or at least the words that you speak into the universe would share that story with people that are in tune to that sort of thing. And so here's John that's on this precipice of greatness that has this handful of people that are pulling him back, that aren't pushing him, that are taking mental energy, physical energy from his life. They're making it so he doesn't have the same ability to grow forward and prosper. And there's just this gray that surrounds it because the story that he shares with me versus the stories that he's sharing with them are slightly different. They have to be, and that's okay. Again, I'm not judging or holding court. I'm not saying that John is a bad guy or that his decisions are bad.

Talking About John and Megan Date (14:39)

This stuff is tough. Emotions are not easy to deal with. Specifically, when you're looking at taking some emotional roller coasters that you're in control of and you know you have to rise to the top of the biggest hill and you're going to come speeding down to the bottom. It's going to be rough. But in my honest opinion, as I see social media and I see these things and there's these stories that get told, I'm like, John, you can do better. You have this great gift that anybody that doesn't help you propel this great gift is ultimately holding you back. I guarantee it because I had a whole bunch of people that held me back for years. The old people I would have hung out with would have thought I was crazy for ever having this podcast, would have talked me out of it in a heartbeat, would have made fun of me for doing it, and this would have never existed. That's the world I lived in. Everybody was doom and gloom. Everybody was grumpy and down on their luck. Everybody had some sort of level of depression and negative emotions surrounding them that they were then masking in other things, whether it was their fitness, whether it was their womanizing, whether it was their drinking. They all had something they were masking their unhappiness with. One day I woke up and said, enough. I deserve better for my life than what I'm experiencing right now. And with a foul swoop of my magic imaginary wand, they all disappeared. I picked up the phone and had conversations with some of them and just said, look, this will never go forward. We'll never have another conversation. Not with the way that you're wired now. It's not going to happen. And so I'm able to play armchair quarterback. I don't have the emotions of the situation, but I see my buddy John going through this turmoil for no reason. Or at least a perceived value of turmoil from the outside. He might be very at peace with what he's doing. I don't know. I haven't had this conversation with John in this full capacity. By the time you listen to this episode, I will have had this conversation with John. Guarantee it. Guarantee it. But where in your life, if you're taking honest to God stock of where you're at, is there gray associated with some decision you're making that's ultimately holding you back?

Talking About Honestly with Oneself (16:53)

Where it's not clear which path you're on to those people that are around you. And ultimately that means you're probably not in alignment and not pushing forward the way you should. Is there gray around your body?

Is There Gray Around Your Body? (17:04)

I'll take mine with anabolics. If I tell everybody that I'm not taking anabolics, which I'm not at this moment, haven't for quite some time, but magically you watch me on camera and I look like I'm gaining 10 pounds of muscle in the course of a month, there's a misalignment. There's some gray around what I'm sharing with you Unless I found some secret formula to eat more protein and get my body to assimilate it more quickly There's some story that's not exactly true That's gray.

Gray Areas In Relationships

Is There Gray Around Your Relationship? (17:21)

It's holding me back Same thing when it comes to relationship if I don't want to be with Lindy anymore Or you don't want to be with your significant other anymore or the woman or man that you're dating, if you want to part ways and go a different direction, you owe it to yourself to have that conversation and then say steadfast to it.

Gray Areas In Family Dynamics

Is There Gray Surrounding Your Family? (17:32)

That was something I was never able to do. I was incredibly weak as a man and as a person because I was never able to have that tough conversation and then stick to my guns. I always let the emotional turmoil I was going through dictate the way I was making and executing my decisions. I was never able to sit down and actually just leave somebody alone. I always wanted to fix it because I wasn't fixed myself. It could be in your job. It could be in your career choice right now. It could be the fact that there's gray surrounding the ultimate decision you want for yourself and your family. And when I say that, maybe it's that you're currently ready to go out on your own. You've got this business opportunity. You've got something that's been pulling at your heart and you know you want to go achieve it. But instead of going all in and having the tough conversation with your employer, you're kind of half in with your employer and half in on your job, your new passion. And don't get me wrong, I understand you have to start a business and you have to get some run rate to it, but you're not doing either one all the way. And so through this, there's gray surrounding your life right now and the gray will ultimately kill you. I guarantee it. I lived in a world of gray and in my humble opinion, I lived in a world of black for years. The lying, the deceit, the manipulation, the not sharing the actual 100% truth, only using the pieces and parts that were convenient to me. That was my life, so I know what the gray is all about. What I'm telling you is if you can get to the point in your life where you stop having gray, where things are black and white, where it's yes or no, whether it's stop or go, you're all in or you're all out, when you get to this point, I guarantee you that every week and every day and every minute, you're able to get shit done.

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