Episode 129: Listen To Your Heart - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 129: Listen To Your Heart - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast".


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Intro (00:00)

I'm Ryan Nidell, who's on the end of the I'm Ryan Nidell, host of 15 minutes to freedom, your daily action guide on how to get shit done. I'm Ryan Nidell, host of 15 minutes to freedom, your daily action guide on how to get shit done. I'm Ryan Nidell, host of 15 minutes to freedom, your daily action guide on how to get shit done. I appreciate you tuning in today and have an exciting episode for you.

David'S Personal Journey

Richs story (00:31)

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the conversation. Today's episode is about listening to your heart. A while back I had this friend. Okay this friend it's not just a while back this friend came into my life my freshman year of college. This guy's name is T. J. went to a rival school from my hometown. Grew up in Mansfield, but went to a school called Lexington. Real small school, graduated with about 225 people. Now, I say rival school. We weren't next-door neighbors as far as school systems go, but we were rivals on the football field. So T.J. come to find out, went to a school called Marion Harting. And Marion was this powerhouse in football, a dominant force in Division 2 football and in Ohio. Now I'm telling you the story based more off the fact of setting the frame for the way TJ and I interacted. So I'm in the freshman year of college. I'm dating a girl from my hometown, working for a father and driving back and forth every weekend. So I really, the first semester of my freshman year of college at University of Cincinnati, I had almost no social life. It was class Monday through Friday. Then I would drive home on the weekend, spend time with her and work. Like that was my schedule. Which worked out very well because the two roommates I had were French foreign exchange students, which was wild because I had never been exposed to the French culture. I certainly didn't know anybody from France in general. Was not that I'm worldly now, but I was certainly not worldly then. And so here I am with these two men that speak very little to know English who I see bottles of Val treks on like in their toiletries. Val treks is someone that's used to treat herpes like that's how it works and so you know one or both of them had herpes from their own right. And I'm like man this is just not what college is supposed to be. I hear all these stories of debatchery of all these, all these drinking and partying and frat parties and cool stuff and I'm stuck with two French roommates that I don't communicate with and I'm driving home every weekend. Well as luck would have it going into Christmas break, the girlfriend breaks up with me, starts dating somebody else, and I get to go back to University Cincinnati. I get to go back still. And as I go back, get into the dorm and there's a note that my two roommates, have my two roommates have went back to go back to go back to go back to go back to go back to go back to go back to University of Cincinnati, like I get to go back still. And as I go back, get into the dorm and there's a note that my two roommates have went back to France. Their time in the States is now done. So as their time in the States is done, I have this quad that's my own. I don't have somebody else living there. I'm now living high off the hog the fact I've got this massive room in Daniel's dorm to myself. Well if any of you have been to college before or have lived in a dorm you know that's not typically the way things go there's going to be someone else it's going to move in and I'm dreading this like I don't want some random person placed in my dorm room that's not my, you know, my sanctuary. I get to keep it clean and keep it orderly and I don't have people in and out and I don't drink, I don't party so it's really a nice little spot for me. And as I'm continuing on in, you know, the second semester of my freshman year, I started interacting with TJ. T.J. live on the same floor, just nowhere near my room. And we met through another friend of mine named Nick, and you know, T.J. and I hit it off pretty quickly. T.J. was in the sports. He played for Marion Harding. We had this rivalry that ended up being my senior year. We beat Marion, which was one of the only times that we had ever beaten Marion and we actually went to the playoffs and did all this crazy stuff that is this small D2 school we were never supposed to be able to do it was one of the first it was the first if not one of the only times at our little high school had ever made to the high school you know division two playoffs and so t. j. and I had that you know rivalry they carried over into the gym like we would work out together. But after a few weeks of getting to know him, I realized that he didn't enjoy his dorm made at all. He was not in a quad, he was in a double or whatever you want to call it, two occupancy room. And his roommate would drink and smoke pot and do all the stuff that really didn't align with who TJ was. And not the TJ and I didn't eventually end up drinking, but he just didn't like that roommate. So we eventually went and spoke to the resident advisor, resident system, whatever it's called the RA, and asked for a room transfer. So instead of somebody being forced into my room, let's have TJ coming to my room, so he would have half of the quad and I'd have the other half. Somehow by some stroke of luck, that actually ends up happening. Like, we had some of the gets to move in with me into my quad, and we become more than fast friends. Like, we had some of the most debaucherous times because now I'm single. And not that I'm going out hoaring around by any means, but it's turning into drinking and partying and you know, being a college freshman. And T.J. was just incredibly charismatic. He still is, it's not was. He is now. And so, T.J. and I form this bond and this friendship that we literally feel like brothers from different mothers, like give or take Marion and Lexington had the same size, the same give or take geographical location. He had a comparable upbringing in his own right. And we have this friendship that's now ironclad. And unfortunately, as we go back home for summer summer break I realize that I'm now getting back with my ex girlfriend who has been accepted to go to Miami of Ohio and I'm going to transfer from university systems into Miami that's just where I'm going so I break the new C.J. And he's distraught but understands why he made fun of me consistently for dating this girl that I gave up so much time and energy and connection with women, I mean call it what it is, you know that I just forgave all that. I just let it go to the wayside. He was right. I did, it was a choice I made and I wouldn't have made but we don't see each other obviously as often. You know he's enjoying Cincinnati. I'm enjoying Miami. Geographically they're about 45 minutes apart if you're driving. You know it's probably only 25 or 30 miles. Miami's in Miami of Ohio's in a little town called Oxford and University of in Cincinnati and so our relationship starts to spread apart some. You know he's living his life I'm living mine. Fast forward to present day and present day you know now we've covered 11 or 12 years since that time period and in those 11 or 12 years from ultra close to not close to have rekindled a very close friendship. And in rekindling that very close friendship, TJ has expressed to me, he's now living down in South Carolina. Oddly enough, he got into the automotive industry, same industry I was in that I loved and still love today.

TJ Carlson (07:39)

And he's struggling with if he's fulfilled in the automotive industry. Coming from a space where I have lived that dream slash nightmare. And he's struggling with if he's fulfilled in the automotive industry. Coming from a space where I have lived that dream slash nightmare and realizing the fact that I'm making great money, at least great money for me, you know, 150 to 200 grand a year, but I'm really working in that time period. I'm working 85 90 hours a week, so I have no quality of life back then and T.J's experience the same thing today except T.J. has a son you know T.J has some other pieces and parts in his life that I didn't have when I was in the car business and so he's realizing he's literally missing out on daily things he's not seeing his son grow the way that he wants to. And so he's torn. So T.J. threw a little bit of strategic seduction from me and a lot of, you know, impressing upon, impressing my will upon him. I convinced T.J. to come out to Venice Beach, Malibu, Santa Monica, whatever you want to call it, for where Lindsay and I got married. Like it was impactful. T.J. played a major role in my life and is someone I still consider an incredibly near and dear friend. And so he originally says no. I guilt trip him just a little bit, you know, massage that relationship just enough that he eventually says yes. So fortunately now, T.J. comes out, I believe on a Thursday, might have been Friday, doesn't really matter, but he stays all the way through Sunday. So we get three days together. We haven't had that for years. Linz and I were fortunate to find a great house, a great Airbnb, a great home away, whatever it was. But we rented this home that was large enough that had five or six bedrooms, it was very affordable, so T. J. actually got to stay with us. So it was great not only spending the time together, but spending great quality time, almost reminiscent of how we were in the dorms. Now I say that and there were no bras on our heads like we used to wear his hats. There were no, you know, we weren't bonging or shot getting beers. It wasn't quite so wild, but we got to spend a lot of great time together. In that great time, TJj made another good friend of mine, really one of my closest friends, a guy that actually married Lindsay and I, Kevin. Because Kevin's also staying with us. And when you know that good people attract other good people, and Kevin and TJ now become vast friends, and I've stayed in touch and so wedding. Incredibly impactful to me. Incredibly important to me that these people that are bonded to me through my life experiences now share a kindred bond based off of me. In that time, TJ's expressing to me as in our time together that he's just not all the way fulfilled. Well, selfishly, I want him to move back to Columbus. Now, not that he's ever lived in Columbus. Marion is a suburb and a loose term, a suburb of Columbus. It's about 30 miles north of where I would sit recording this podcast, but something that if he moved to Columbus he could still see his mother, his mother could be involved in his son's life, and there'd be some great things with him being close to me because he's that guy for me, you know, he's somebody that's super close to me. Someone that I just feel always connected to. And in feeling that ultimate connection, of course I want him around, so I express that. And he works that. And he was that. And he was that. And he was that. And he was that. And he was that, and he was that. And he was that. And he was that. And in feeling that ultimate connection, of course I want him around. So I express that. And he works for the Sonic Automotive Group, and I won't expect any of you to realize that Sonic is a national chain. So if you work at one Sonic, you can typically get transferred to another. If you ask and beg and plead and do the right thing, so, he doesn't have to pack up everything and move and move without a job. and basically get transferred. And so he agrees at some point to move to Columbus. Like, you know what, Ryan, you're right, I'm not really fulfilled here. He's went through some turmoil in his life. He's parted ways with an ex-girlfriend now, and he doesn't have people there in his mind he doesn't have the people there to support him it's him and his son his girlfriend's now ex-girlfriend is in Texas he hasn't really created a big social circle there because there's no time like the car business doesn't really allow that and so here we sit and I'm thinking I'm gonna to get one of, if not really my longest best friend, he's going to move to Columbus. It's going to be great. I finally get to spend time with someone that I value on a consistent basis. Not that I don't value the guys in the office or value theJ. and I remained close in our own capacity as I started to ascend the ranks in the automotive industry. T.J. and I knew each other and say it in touch as I started making more money than I ever knew what to do with and then T.J. and I were friends when I went broke. He's known about the lying and the cheating and the manipulating, like he's known those things as part of me. And he never judged me for him. He tried to course correct me, but I wasn't necessarily willing to listen.

In His Own Words, He Is At A Crossroads (12:30)

So here he is, you know, considering moving home. Home being Columbus. Well, TJ messaged me two weeks ago and says, look, man, we need need to talk and I typically refer to that conversation from a woman and not that TJ is a woman in any capacity but anytime a woman says we need to talk as a man it is never a good conversation they're never saying like let's get together and talk about our future plans it's typically you made a mistake something's going wrong it's time for that course correct. So TJ says we need to talk so I call him right away like I don't delay especially with someone like him it's time for that phone call and that phone call he shares me very openly that he's rekindled a relationship with the woman that he cares about and he doesn't know where this this relationship's going to go idea. But through mapping some things out and talking some things over with people that he values their opinion, he realizes that he's been happy in other places other than Marion and Columbus. And that he actually is happy down in South Carolina, he just has to recalibrate what that means to him. And so we go back and forth. I tell him I'm literally proud of him. God I don't care. Of course, selfishly I want I'm here, but at the end of the day I want him to be happy. I want him to be fulfilled.

Texting TJ (13:49)

I want him to enjoy all the aspects of in the office that I love and care about, like that sense of peace, that fulfillment, that unfire that I feel, and yes I just created a verb out of on fire. This unfireness that I feel is something that I want everybody to experience. And so when he's telling me that he thinks he can get that in South Carolina, I have to remove my selfish hat and put on my friend hat, like I'm proud of him.

Why David shifted direction (14:16)

And I share that with him. And so we hang up the phone and we end up texting back and forth. And in that I share this text with him. And I'm going to read you exactly what I text him. I end up texting T.J. Go get it. Clear your mind and stop listening to your fucking head. Your heart has all the answers, brother, and it always has. That message, for whatever the reason in T.J's life, has stuck with him to the point that he asked me through a message today to share this podcast. He asked me to share the message with you to get out of your head and start listening to your heart. This is the message that I wasn't capable of understanding until I went to Warrior Week. My entire life had been cerebral and somewhat by necessity. I'll assume for sake of argument that you have never lied before. But in my life when I was lying consistently, I had to always be at least two steps ahead of every person I was interacting with. So as I have to be two steps ahead, what the net result of that is, is I have to use my brain all the time. I'm literally numbing down and dumbing down my heart, like my heart can't speak anymore because I'm so focused on manipulating the situation, so I'm always multiple steps ahead of the people in front of me. That was my story from 22, 23, until 30-31. I had become numb to listening to my heart. Everything I did was based off of how much money can I make.

Some of Davids limiting factors (16:08)

What's a type of woman I can be with? What's a type of car I can drive, the type of watch I can wear, the type of home I can live in. Like that was my life, that was all that mattered. I never took the time to stop and figure out if I could listen to my heart or even what my heart really was. If you would ask the multiple women I was dating at the same time, they would probably tell you I didn't have a heart. In their own capacity, they're probably right. You know, the women I dated during that time period, they were all phenomenally high-quality women. They just weren't the right person for me. And so at any given point, I could have used my heart during that time to allow them to go out and grow and prosper and break up with them or have us part ways, but I was weak in character and principle and couldn't do that. In my head, I got very cerebral with it, and it and thought boy if I just slowly distance myself from them if I pull away that'll force them to break up with me so I won't be the bad guy well that story didn't work because I wasn't like I was always mean to them I would just distance myself until they pushed back and then I would you know figure out a way to get back into the good graces and this was like this viciously to say out loud like it's like it's really piss poor but that that that that that that that that that that that that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was poor but that was that really is preposterous to say out loud. Like it's really piss poor but that was my life like that's the story and it's not a story that I'm creating that is the facts of what I was doing during that time period. And so as I'm doing that during this time period I'm realizing now as I'm forced to look at back at my life that I have done down down the emotional side of me that heartfelt side of my life but really it just was manifesting then it didn't start then when dumbing down my heart of my emotions really started was back as young child again I've shared with most of you long-term listeners I believe that we can statistically go back to any child's life from the ages of 4 to 12, maybe 14, and look at some things that happened in their developmental times that forged the way they view life as an adult. So what had happened with me? You know, I can remember a few times, more than a few times where my father had had a rough day or a long day and came home and was not pleasant to be around, some of which I was completely deserving of, some of which I might not have been quite so deserving of. Nonetheless, they happened. And so what happened was between that moving cities, moving from Easter Ore New York to Mansfield, Ohio, moving between those two cities, having my father commit to me that by moving he wouldn't have to travel anymore, then having my father no sooner do we land in Mansfield, Ohio, then Hurricane Andrew hits, and he has to go out on the road, go down to Miami, go down to South Dayton, help rebuild that system. So now the part of my heart that believes in my father's never going to lie to me. In my prepubescent years I can't process the fact that he didn't lie to me, his life just changed and he was doing it to make our lives better. But that didn't make sense to me then. I didn't comprehend that. So I'm not blaming my father for what has happened in my life and the choices I made. To me that's you know a fool's errand. Like that's not real. I'm always in control my own thoughts and thought processes. However I didn't realize they were catalyst to what I was doing and saying and thinking that I formed at a at an early age where I wasn't conscious of what I was really doing. The beautiful part about this is once you realize the limiting factors, once you understand the things that have held you back, you have a chance to rewrite that story. Like I had a chance to go back mentally, physically, verbally, emotionally, back to those time periods, and I could have the tough conversations with my father that I wish I would have had then. Now, those conversations aren't always actually had. Some of them are had out loud by myself as I'm screaming and yelling and carrying on because those were emotions I had to get rid of.

carrying on with the tough conversations (20:09)

Some of those tough conversations I've had to have I actually picked up the phone and had with my father or have met him face to face. You see, all of us are doing the best job we can in the moment with the tools that were given. Podcasts like this or whatever other content you consume, the things that you were doing now to benefit your life, we'll call it the self-help or personal development landscape, didn't exist in the same capacity when our parents were younger. Now here I am at 34, I look 20 years ago, the internet just was coming out. You might have known about Tony Robbins if somebody told you about Tony Robbins. You couldn't consume endless content to better your life and realize you weren't alone back then. Just didn't happen. So the tools of people were given weren't the same as they are today. All of this matters because in the moment, throughout this chain of events I realize all the ways I'd shut down my heart. I'd stop listening to it. And when I address the demons that I had addressed the hate and the anger and the frustration, when I address the mental blocks that I'd been carrying around for years, what that did was eventually open up the possibility for me to hear my heart again. It didn't guarantee success, it just simply opened up the possibility for it to be there. And in that possibility, I then could choose what I wanted to do with it. You see, a possibility is great.

A possibility (21:40)

You know there's something that exists that's above your current thought process, but a possibility can only manifest itself into something if you take action with it. So what I decided to do, when I was given access to this, again really struck to me a chord at Warrior Week, was I started to expand my meditation practice to find a better connection to what I'll call God. The voice, a universal oneness, whatever it is. That streaming force that comes through us, that guides us in times and directions when we don't know which way to go. It also allows me to tap into my heart, such as this podcast. When you really think about it, when you really think about it, this podcast doesn't exist if I don't get in tune with my actual emotions. Well, my actual emotions were stored in my heart, not in my head. The stories surrounding my head. The stories surrounding my emotions were stored in my head. So I can unwind the stories, I can have access to the emotion, which allows me to share with you, which hopefully impacts and betters your life. It's all a series of events that I had to go through. All of which then empower me to share with someone like T.J. who is one of my closest friends, this lesson that I've been so fortunate to not only learn but now to live, and now I'm turning in to be able to lead it, and you will hear me say this often over and over and over again throughout these episodes. When you learn something that's great, that means you've read something. When you begin to live it that means you've implemented what you've learned. That's the next step. Now there's a handful of people that once you learn something and you live it, you decide to lead it. And leading is sharing it with other people. That is where I am at now. I'm able to share on a daily basis through this podcast, through my email list, through text messages, or phone calls with my friends and associates, I'm able to lead them to a place of their own personal salvation. Sounds crazy, right? Granduose. Personal salvation, what's that? Super easy for me. I was a lying, manipulating piece of shit four years ago. Was not proud of who I am, couldn't look myself in the eye and certainly couldn't look you in the eye. As I said here recording this podcast, we've adjusted the cameras in the studio so I'm making eye contact with everybody right now if you go to my YouTube page.

How does this manifest in your life (23:37)

There's power in this process. There's power in the process of progress if you're willing to adopt it and adapt to it. And so what happens is now I'm able to lead it and I'm able to share my stories and the things that have worked for me and disseminate out the playbook that has changed my life.

Podcasts and Listener Theatre (24:09)

For me, I feel like I'm living in the Promised Land right now, the same land I want you to live in. The same land that I'm inviting TJ to live in which he's actually doing right now you know he shared with me three times in the past three weeks how impactful this text message was that I sent him that I gave no seconds of thought like not one or two seconds like hmm should I send this like it's just almost like a divine force comes through my fingers I'm typing to him and that's it. There's nothing else. That's what I'm encouraged you to consider right now is where in your life are you listening to your head versus your heart? Because we've all been there. Is it inside your workplace right now? When you know in your heart that you deserve something better, that you want something more for your life where you want to impact the lives of thousands or millions of people but you're stuck behind a desk because your head tells you you have bills to pay and that's the only way you can pay it.

Workplace (Head vs Heart (24:54)

Maybe the way you're stuck in your head versus your heart is the same way I was with relationships.

Relationships (Head vs Heart (25:09)

Maybe you're stuck in a relationship or in your head you know the girl or man you're with checks all the boxes right they fit there's nothing wrong with them but you know there's this intrinsic quality that's not present but instead of listening to your heart and letting that person fly letting them leave to allow the next evolution of your life to come in you hold them captive through this relationship that you're in I was guilty that for years maybe that's where you're stuck in your head. Maybe it's in your body. You know, it could be something literally as simple as in your body that you're not putting the fuel in that you actually want to put in.

Philosophical Explorations And Comparisons

Body (Head vs Heart (25:33)

Like you're convincing yourself, no different than I convince myself, that you have to eat six meals a day, and you have to have so much protein and so many carbohydrates, and you have to do all these things in order to have this magic body that you want, instead of listening to your heart that really says like you just want to be healthy. You don't want to be overweight, you don't want to be too big, you don't be too small, you just want to be healthy, mobile, agile, and what I call weaponized. What I found is if every day if every day you'll get shit done. You end up starting to listen to your heart and getting out of your head and you simply use your head to execute on your heart's desires that every day you'll get shit done. You're going to.

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