Episode 14: The Stack - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 14: The Stack - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast".


Note: This transcription is split and grouped by topics and subtopics. You can navigate through the Table of Contents on the left. It's interactive. All paragraphs are timed to the original video. Click on the time (e.g., 01:53) to jump to the specific portion of the video.


Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is The Stack. So how many times a day are you really just pissed off? Maybe not steaming mad, maybe not ready to rip your steering wheel off your car, but not quite screaming at the top of your lungs, more of just generally pissed off, like upset, feeling uneasy. Is it five times a day? Maybe seven times a day? Shoot, it could be a hell of a lot more depending on how stressed out you are in your life. Between kids, work, traffic, and just general day-to-day life operations, it's safe to say there's plenty to get mad about for most of us, most days. So what do you do with that anger? I mean, if you're like me, you would have said, Ryan, I don't really get mad. Like I would have said up until, gosh, probably a year ago, I just don't get mad. It took a lot for me to feel upset. I look at life as the glass isn't half full, it's at least three quarters of the way full. And I feel good every day. I don't really, back then I would have said, I just don't ever really get angry. Well, now I can completely call complete bullshit. Like that's just absolutely not true. I get fucking pissed off every day, every day at something. Now I can own it. Now it's something that I keep inside of me that I can actually access as some sort of power. Like I can own it and find power and purpose in my frustration. Every day. Imagine every time you got mad, every time you wanted to scream, you were actually able to.

Description Of The Stack Framework And Its Applications

Turn frustration into power (01:33)

And you were able to take actionable items from that screaming to find power in what you're pissed off about. That'd be incredible, right? I mean, there'd be such power in that ability to find power in what you're pissed off about. That'd be incredible, right? I mean, there'd be such power in that ability to harness your anger. And I'm not talking like the Hulk. There's no incredible Hulk juice you're going to take and you're going to, you know, morph into something more than you are now. What if there were actionable items you could take every day to turn these negatives into positives? And there was an infinite number of times you could use it. It didn't ever run out of supply. It seems like it almost has to be a parallel universe, right? I mean, where in the world could this actually exist? And how in the hell would you find power in something that most of us have been taught our entire life to try to avoid? Especially us men. You know, from a young age, I'm 34 years old, but from as long as I can go back and remember, I was taught to not act out, not express frustration. You know, just essentially, quote unquote, be the man, swallow your emotions, don't lash out, don't talk back, just work hard, bring home the bacon. You know, as Garrett White would say, you know, be a dick in an ATM. And that's ultimately what society to me has dumbed us down to is men. And it's not just men. This is not exclusive just to us. This is women as well. You just don't speak out. You don't act out. That's the story. That's the story that's been, in my opinion, systematically destroying generations for the past three cycles of life. I mean, you think about it, and your parents' parents were taught the same way. You go all the way back to basically you know, basically before the Industrial Revolution, and these things didn't exist. You know, you were born on a farm, you grew up on a farm, you worked with your family, and you were able to express things a little more real-time, at least the documentation that we can find. So let's get out of the hypothetical weeds for just a second. Let me put some meat around what I'm actually talking about. Yesterday, I was fucking pissed. Like, mad as shit. And oddly enough, I wasn't mad at anybody else. I was mad at myself. And that's part of this. Like part of understanding your anger is accepting the fact sometimes I'm just mad at me and I'm mad at me because I overslept. It sounds stupid, right? You're like overslept. I told you guys I get up at 430, 445 every day. I just never sleep in past that. My body just is wired now I get up at 4.30, 4.45 every day. I just never sleep in past that. My body just is wired now to get up at that time and I enjoy it. But yesterday was different.

Losing the alarm clock (03:49)

Yesterday, I got up. I set my alarm clock in the bathroom, which caused me to get out of bed and go see somewhere, get out of my comfort zone, shut off my alarm. I got up. I turned off my alarm, used the restroom, brushed my teeth, and then I let the fucking man in my head win. You know, the little man in your head that says, you can sleep for just a few more minutes, it won't hurt anything. The man that says, there's still more time, you don't have to get up quite yet. The man that says, your bed is warm. We all have that little voice, that man that in the morning tells us we don't have to do what we ultimately know we should do and helps us start to justify the inappropriate behavior we might go through on that day. You know, it's a little motherfucker that plagues us from time to time. It's a liar that keeps us in the exact same position that we're in. I'm talking about that little man. He won yesterday, hands down. I listened to him full-heartedly, through and through. For that, I lost the first three hours of my day I could never get back. Now, like I said, I get up at 4.30. I didn't get out of bed until 7.30. I'm normally at the gym and do all these things. There's a sequential order I go through and I missed all of it. And because of that, because I'm a sequential individual, I like things to be in process and in order. It just had me feeling off the majority of the day. So I was pissed at myself. I know I can do better. I can do better. I mean, I am better than those actions. Then I have this actionable way to turn all this frustration around on itself and find a beautiful gift in that decision. I'm going to share it with you from start to finish. I want to preface this with, I didn't create this.

The STACK (05:18)

This isn't mine. It's not something that I've conjured up. I didn't create this. This isn't mine. It's not something that I've conjured up. This is an actionable item that we were taught in Wake Up Warrior to move forward in our progression of the way that we view the world. But it works. And it works incredibly well. And it works every day. And it can work a multitude of times a day if you need it to. This tool is called The Stack. S-T-A-C-K. It's something that Garrett J. White brought into my life through Wake Up Warrior. If you don't know Garrett or anything like that, check him out. He's got another podcast called Warrior on Fire and a couple other ones, Warrior Wealth and Date Your Wife and some other things. You know, he's very conscious in giving back to, right now, entrepreneurial men, but essentially morphing into the entire world. There's just a game that he plays that he knows we can all better our lives from playing almost with him. So I would say that all of his podcasts in their own right are game changers. This is not a shameless self-promotion for Garrett. This is just acknowledging the fact that this is not my unique content. This isn't something that I came up with. So in this thing called the stack, you ask yourself a series of questions that stack on top of one another in a sequential order. And as they stack on top of each other, you're allowed to see or it encourages you to see a situation from a multitude of different angles and then find the beauty in the pain. And it works in any situation. When I say any, I mean literally any situation, it works. Certainly, there's some that are heavier than others. I mean, me being pissed at myself is not the end of the world. There's been some about Lindsay and just being fucking mad at her or Gianna, my stepdaughter, or the guys at the office. It could be something as dumb as the barista at Starbucks. I don't drink coffee, but that can exist. It can be anything that pisses you off. Stacks are everywhere if you give the gift of looking for them. I want to share with you my stack and how it works.

The stack (07:03)

This is a little lengthy and I'll do my best to paint the right picture for you, but it's an actionable item that I know if you take the time to try to apply it, you'll see that it works. So in my stack, you start by naming the stack, you call it something. So for me, I called the stack, the little motherfucker. And I called it that because it was that little guy in my head, that little guy that won. So I'm really stacking that version of myself. And because of that, I know I'm addressing myself. Like I'm the one that I'm stacking. Then you have to ask yourself, what feelings are you currently feeling inside yourself based around that situation? For me, it was anger, depression. I was irritated. I felt weak. I felt insecure. My day was just all jacked up. So those are the feelings I had to own in that moment. So then as you go through that, you have to ask yourself, in the moment, what have I done to trigger myself to feel angry, depressed, irritated, or weak? My answer to that was, I fucking let the little voice in my head convince me I could sleep in. I got up and then literally laid right back down. It fucked up the flow of my entire day and had me feeling off and on all day long. Now it gets a little dicey. This is where most people feel super uncomfortable. There's something that you actually release the rage. You say what you've always wanted to say to somebody. This is typed. This is a document that I type in. You could be on a sheet of paper. It could be in the voice memo on your phone. But there's a certain mental clarity of getting out the things that we've been told we're not supposed to say. This one's easy because I'm saying it to myself. When I say it, this gets pretty aggressive here, so not even forgive me, just understand that's what the shit is. Fuck you, you lazy ass motherfucker. You act like you want it all, but you don't take any of the actions to actually make that happen. Go all in, motherfucker, or get the fuck out. Stop acting like this shit's going to just happen on its own. It's not going to just show up. You have to take the actionable items to get the fuck out of bed and win the day. So that's what I want to scream at myself. And that's what I am saying to myself. But as I say that, there's a cathartic nature in just getting it out. So in this moment, if I could force myself to feel, say, or do anything, what would it be? My answer is I would have forced myself to get out of bed like I was supposed to. And then another way to look at that is what do I feel about in this situation myself? I feel that I'm lazy, complacent, not good at time management, selfish, slow, not driven. These are real things that are crossing through my head as I'm questioning why the fuck I couldn't get out of bed yesterday. So in this moment, what do I ever not want to experience again? I don't ever want that little man in my head, that little motherfucker, I don't ever want him to win again. And I know that I'm in control of that, but in this moment, I don't.

Dont ever want to experience again (09:32)

So as you go through that, then you drift. Then you look at what are the facts of what really happened. The facts of yesterday are I set my alarm for 4.30 in the morning. I listened to the voice in my head that said I could sleep for a little bit longer. And that just happened and then turned into 7.25. I didn't sleep for a little longer. I slept for three additional hours. So what's the story then that I create for myself? There's a justification we go through as to why that happened. So the story I started telling myself, it's okay. I was just too tired to get up and get going. It's no big deal. It's only a couple hours. Well, when I start telling myself that story, I start to have new emotions that come out. And those emotions are, I feel depressed, I feel helpless, I feel irritated, I feel weak, I feel sad. These are real emotions. This isn't some sort of manufactured thing. Nobody's ever seen one of these from me before if you're not inside the brotherhood. This is sharing exactly how I feel about myself yesterday. So as I'm feeling that about myself, I have to describe the specific thoughts or desired actions that I feel about myself. And really, I felt like, shit, I know that I'm better than my actions. My family is depending on me every day to be in my highest level of power, to be in the greatest version of myself. And I failed them. I mean, I literally look at setting that alarm clock and not getting up as I failed my family. Now, sure, that might seem a little extreme to you, but it's not. Like every day, I have to win. Like it's me versus everybody else. And no, if you're on my team or against me, that's another conversation. But at some point, it's you versus me. And I can't lose. So I have to make sure before I leave my house, I'm in the best level of power possible that you can't beat me if you go toe-to-toe with me. So what evidence do I have to prove that this story that I'm telling myself is true? It's pretty easy. I physically stayed in bed for another three hours. I mean, there's no disputing that. It put me behind all day. So what would be possible for me if this wasn't true? Essentially, if the story was false. If this story was false, if this hadn't happened, if I hadn't slept in, I'd be free to actually win the day. I'd be free to conquer my morning. I'd be free to hit my core four before I hit the door so I'm prepared to go to war with all you motherfuckers out here on the planet. Because that's real. The core four is, again, body, being, balance, and business. It's a sequential order of doing things for yourself to put yourself in the most power before you leave the house. Instead of doing that, I was on my heels all day long. Maybe the world didn't know, but I felt it inside. at the end of the day, that's all that matters is how I feel. It doesn't matter what you think of me. It matters how I feel. So then you have to ask yourself, is this story true? Well, certainly. There's no denying this story. I absolutely slept in. But I'm 100% true that this is a story like, did the little man really win yesterday?

Do I ever Not Want the Little Man to Win? (12:00)

Am I 100% with no shadow of a doubt positive this is true? My answer to that part is no. Like, sure, I slept in, but I don't know that he won yesterday when you really ask yourself. Then you have to get clear about what you want. Regardless of what happened yesterday, what did I really want in the situation? I really wanted to get up at 4.30 in the morning. That's why I set my alarm clock. I need to get up at 4.30 in the morning so I can run most of the motherfuckers over that come across me in my day. Because if not, they're trying to do the same to me. So what do I ever not want in this situation? Again, I don't ever want the little man in my head to win again. And again, we all have this little man, the guy that tells us to sleep in, the guy that tells us, you know, you can have one more drink or don't feel bad if you eat a bag of Cheetos, like that little man, like he should never win. So what do I want for myself in the future? I want to be in power every day and just feel on fucking fire with success. I want to know that how I feel every day that I am winning. And there is no win or loss, I suppose, in life. But I want to feel internally like I can do anything that I want to do. And so now that I've decided that, now that I've drifted down this hole and I can make peace of how I feel, then there's a shift. And the shift comes from switching your mindset and looking at the situation a little bit differently. So you ask yourself, what's the me version? This one's easy because the stack is about me. Like I was too fucking lazy to get up and start my day. And then I have to ask myself, what evidence do I have that it's even true? Like how do I know that story is true? Well, this again is a pretty easy one because I physically slept in for another three hours. You can't dispute the fact that I slept in three hours. Then you have to ask yourself, what's the opposite version? What's the opposite of I didn't get up at 4.30? Well, that I did get up at 4.30 and I was on fire when I jumped out of bed. I was ready to attack the day. Why could that story have been true? Why could it be true today? It could be true because I've literally operated that way consistently for the past almost year of my life getting up every day Sometime between 430 and 445 So then what's the desired version if I could if I could have recreated this situation? What would I have actually done differently? That's a pretty easy answer for me I would have simply got out of bed at 430 went downstairs hit my core for had it done before 715 rolls around so that when my family gets out of bed, that I'm there to cook them breakfast and be around them and spend that quality time before I leave to start my day. And the evidence I have that that could be true is I've done that hundreds of times over the past year. I don't know the exact number that I've finished before they get up or after, but nonetheless, I've done it consistently over the past year. Then you ask yourself, out of those four stories, which one would give you the desired outcome? Well, for me, it's the last one. And you ask yourself, out of those four stories, which one would give you the desired outcome? Well, for me, it's the last one. It's the fact of I could have got up, got the stuff done at 4.30, been with my family when they woke up, and enjoyed the first part of my day.

The Evidence for the Desired Outcome (14:33)

And I'm choosing that because it puts me in a higher level of personal power. Like that makes me feel the best. When I go through what could have been, that's what I'm shooting for. That's what I want out of life. And then now it's where it gets a little crazy. So I took this situation where I'm mad at myself for not getting out of bed on time. And I've realized why I didn't get out of bed and all the stories and all the bullshit I've told myself all morning or all day in this situation. And then I can turn it into a positive. Like what makes it a positive? What's going to lift me out of this pit of despair? It's a positive because it shows me personally that living this warrior's way, living the way that I live my life, works very fucking well. It works extremely well. It makes me feel differently all day. It literally changes my physiology. So it eliminated doubt in my mind. Every once in a while, doubt, of course, creeps in. Is there a better way to do things? Is this really what I should be doing? The answer was very simply on a split test yesterday, abso-fucking-lutely. Like, I feel way better living this way. So the lesson that I learned, because that's the next thing, is what do you do learn from this? I learned that I need to tell the little man in my head every morning or whatever he appears daily, fuck you. It's really just that simple. Tell him to go pound salt. Tell him to get lost and do it quickly. Don't let him keep talking. And again, I know it sounds crazy. Now I have multiple voices in my head. But if we're real with each other, we all have these voices in us. It's just not comfortable to talk about because we've been told we shouldn't. Then you ask yourself, as you're lifting yourself up, how can this apply to different areas of life? Like, sure, tell the little man to go away. Okay, we don't need him around. But if I'm looking at my body and how I work out or how I eat or what I do, how many times does that happen and what can I do to look at things differently? My answer is pretty easy. When I don't want to lift that extra weight or I don't want to Run the extra mile or I don't want to spend the extra, you know 20 minutes on a bike or whatever my workout is for the day that I need to tell that voice to go fuck himself Because that's real that happens to me almost every day Like nobody knows if you cheat on a set at the gym when you work out by yourself And probably nobody cares if you're working out with somebody But I know and the little man knows and he doesn't

How Does the Stack Apply to Different Areas of Life? (16:00)

get to win Like I get to win my day Something with being so your spirituality or your connection with with the universe or God or whatever it is that you believe in I need to meditate more in a way that starts eliminating that little man because I believe truly that when you're in your own power And you're when you're connected to a higher power and in in God's eye or whatever you want to call it, that that little voice starts diminishing because you're using the almighty power to kind of guide you and navigate through your life. And how does it affect my balance? Balance being the relationship that we have. So as we talk to our spouses or for me as I talk to Lindsay, I need to make sure with Lindsay and Gianna, they always feel first. The little man doesn't tell me it's okay to play some second. That it's not okay to stay at work until 9, 30, or 10 o'clock on a Monday night. Like, my family needs me. Like, I can get my work done, or it'll get done tomorrow. Like, they're important. They're actually number one. They're not important. They're the number one thing in my life right now. And they always will be. And then, how do I apply that same lesson to business?

How to Reduce Self Talk (17:21)

Telling this little man to go pound and salt, to get lost. How does that affect business? Well, in business so often, my intuition kicks in and I know when a client's good or bad. I know when a deal is good or bad. But I try to talk myself out of it, out of the pursuit of cash. Because again, we're all in business to make money. But if what I start doing is unwinding that mindset and start focusing just on the future of what really feels right and wrong, I'll tell those people to get lost. So now there's something called the light. Like we've dug ourselves out of the pit. We see that there's a shift. You have a different feeling on what's going on inside of you and a different justification and answer for it. And now there's something called the light. And the light's the best part to me. The light is you literally close your eyes and there's just power inside of you that you feel. So what's the most significant experience that you're leaving this stack with? Like what's the one pearl of wisdom? And my pearl of wisdom is I have control of my life in every aspect. I literally have the power on a moment by moment basis to change everything about what I'm doing, how I feel, who I'm with, that I'm in control. Nobody else is. The little man's not. You guys aren't listening. There's just nobody that's in control of my life other than me. And then the next question is, why do I feel that's significant? Like, why does that message matter? Why does it matter to me? Well, admittedly, it matters to me because I have a pretty aggressive, self-defeating talk in my head almost daily. That I'm not good enough. That I'm not smart enough. That things aren't going to work the right way. Like, these are stories that I tell myself all the time. And not even based off of empirical evidence. We're doing great as a company. Life is good. There's nothing bad, but there's just self-defeating wiring that I'm still trying to work through and eliminate. So if I can always remember that I'm in control of my own life, then I can control to be the highest and best version of myself. And the negative self-talk ends up eliminating. It goes away. It's no longer in control. And the negative self-talk ends up eliminating. It goes away. It's no longer in control. So right now, then knowing this new information, I have to come up with one thing I'm going to do in the next 48 hours that will change the way my life progresses going forward. And for me, that's I'm going to get out of bed at 4.30 and I'm going to kill my core four. I'm going to make sure it's done, done with intention, done with diligence, done with passion, so that I'm leaving that experience in that personal power. And then why is that a must for me is the next question.

Exercise: How to Get Empowered in the Morning (19:28)

It's a must because I have to feel empowered to start my day. My days go so much better when I get this shit done the right way and I almost feel like I can run out of my house. Like I've achieved more in the first three hours of my day than most people do all day long for myself. Like most people just don't better themselves this way. So how will I know that I've completed it? It's really easy. It's an internal physiological feeling. I'll feel literally on fire daily. I'll know with actionable items that I've completed my core for. I'll be up to get my family breakfast and get them out the door. And then I'll head to the gym and go to work. It's a cause and effect situation. And then once it's all done, you kind of look back at what you just went through. You look at the path of the drift and the light and all the pieces of the stack. And you have to ask yourself, how do you really feel in this moment? Are you just awake? Are you alive? Are you ablaze? How do you feel? And with this new revelation of the fact that I'm truly in control of my own life, I feel ablaze. I feel on fire right now. It's so simple to take these actionable items to change my life. I feel foolish for not having done it before, but I feel great knowing that I'm in control now. And then what's the best state of mind to describe how I feel right now? It's just clear. I feel in power and I feel clear in my mind. So I just walked you through, obviously, a little bit longer than normal, but walked you through what an actionable item called the stack really is. And again, I didn't come up with this. This isn't something that I use but it's a thing that now thousands of men and there'll be tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands of men and women across the country and across the globe that will end up using this. So imagine yourself, next time you're pissed off and again, we all get pissed off like today in one of my areas of business, we lost merchant processing and some things just went left when they should have went right.

Additional Resources

Resources (20:54)

And so I'm pissed. It's like this guy didn't do his job and that guy didn't do his job. And ultimately, I didn't do my job by checking in to make sure they're doing their job. So I take 10 minutes out of my day, I sit down and I stack about it. And I find clarity and I find a message. I find peace in that frustration because in the moment, I'm fucking pissed. So when you go through your day and think about all the areas of opportunity you have where you're a little upset or a lot upset at your spouse or your job or the commute or the gas prices or Facebook or Congress, I don't care what you're mad at, but there's a way to stack everything. And think about how you can actionably take action items on those on a day-over-day basis. And if you do those and you do those consistently enough and you put one foot in front of the other every day, what ends up happening is you end up getting more shit done. Hey guys, Ryan here. Thanks for joining me today. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you consume audio, and subscribe to 15 Minutes to Freedom. If this brought you value, please do me a favor and drop me a five-star rating. Then share this podcast with someone who needs to hear it. For additional content, head over to ryanneidel.com. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L dot com.

Great! You’ve successfully signed up.

Welcome back! You've successfully signed in.

You've successfully subscribed to Wisdom In a Nutshell.

Success! Check your email for magic link to sign-in.

Success! Your billing info has been updated.

Your billing was not updated.