Episode 149: What's Your Trigger Warning? | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 149: What's Your Trigger Warning?".


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Intro (00:00)

I'm Ryan Neidell, host of 15 Minutes to Freedom, your daily action guide to getting shit done. of 15 Minutes to Freedom, your daily action guide to getting shit done. If you find any value in anything that I share on any of my episodes, do me a favor, leave me a five-star review. Leave me a comment, subscribe to the podcast, share with other people. Literally anything you do to get the word out that I have a show will eventually help me reach more people. And that's what this mission is all about. In light of that mission, today's episode is entitled Trigger Warning. Now, admittedly, this show is not going to be for everyone. If you don't like bad language, I'm going to encourage you not to listen to this episode. If you don't like frustration, turn this off now. If you don't enjoy the truth, this show will not be for you. No problem taking a two-second pause right now, inviting you to come back for the next episode, and don't listen to this one. In today's episode, I'm going to share with you some dumbass shit that just happened. There's no other way to say it So as many of you have listened to the podcast for quite some time It seems as though we have our systems and processes rather figured out You know, we have a streamlined process. We're really the majority this gets done with three people One being me who gets to show up sit in the booth Studio, whatever you want to call it have some lights turned on on, turn on a couple cameras, and poof, magically, I can start talking. I've got a name, Kurt, that's now sitting across from me that monitors and measures both cameras, ensures the facts the microphones are working, and I'm off to the races. Then I have Doug. Doug cleans up the audio if it needs cleaned up. He creates all the social media fodder that you might see online. And he helps me schedule and keep interviews in line. Well, every once in a while, the fucking process breaks. And it broke. It broke bad. It broke so much that I just conducted two interviews in two days. These interviews were fucking incredible interviews.

Life Reflections

Kurt (02:27)

And I don't say that because now I don't have access to them, which I'm going to get into. I say it because it was just authentic, flowing, phenomenal conversation. Stuff that I know when I can release it to you in my mind, when you hear it, you're like, damn, this is just good quality content. You know, some people that come on the show don't have the best, I'll say, dialogue back and forth. Feels a little forced. Feels a little laborious. That's either because I'm not phrasing the questions the right way. I'm not leading them down the right path. They maybe don't have the experience being interviewed. There's always a reason for this stuff. But these reasons are immaterial in this exact moment. He had a friend of mine, Emily Frisella on the show yesterday, set up a zoom meeting. She gets a link. We went back and forth. We had a fucking phenomenal time. Like literally hilarious. Laughing, telling jokes, hearing stories about her life, talking about her successful book and her diet and training and just everything that makes her who she is, her background, her successes, her failures. All of a sudden we look at the clock and it's been like an hour and 20 minutes where I wrap it up just out of courtesy for her and her time. Obviously, everybody's time has value. Doug gets at her the link. She clicked in. Everything was smooth. No big deal. Fast forward to today. Had a good friend of mine on the show, Tommy Baker. Tommy Baker owns something called the Resist Average Academy. Tommy's a transformational, I'll call him life coach, that undersells what he does. Incredibly involved in spirituality and universal connection and just all types of deep things. Tommy and I probably speak for two hours of just flowing, consistent, fire conversation. When we wrap up these two calls, well, one being yesterday for Emily, one being today for Tommy, I spin my computer around because when I conduct those interviews, we record them on video through Zoom. We take the audio from Zoom. We make it sound the best we can. We mirror my audio up from the microphones, and that's how we produce the podcast. So the next step of this equation is normally the files automatically save from Zoom to my hard drive. Kirk comes over, takes those files, puts them on an external hard drive and we eventually get it to Doug for him to do his magic. That's the process. That's what's worked up until this point. And I say up until this point because Kirk comes over and like, let me take the files off your computer. Well, I'm like Zoolander. I'm like, what do you mean take the files off the computer? Like I'm shaking it like there's nothing that's coming out. I'm completely kidding. I understand how a fucking computer works. But in that, he plugs in the hard drive and we can't find the files. Man, that's strange. So I've had some fraud on one of my credit cards. It was automatically billed for all the services that we have in the office. So Lindsey and I canceled the credit card. And I thought maybe just by chance that credit card has not been updated to a new one. I mean a Zoom subscription is very inexpensive, maybe $20 a month. I mean it's not a big deal, but double-check that, thought maybe there's this chance that I fucked that up. Me, not somebody else. Maybe I fucked that up. And of course, the credit card was one of the ones that was compromised. But in that, it wasn't the issue. So the credit card is not the issue. I'm looking at my computer and I have a new MacBook Air. I'm like, man, maybe I messed something up. Maybe it's in a different folder. So we do a Finder search all on an Apple. And lo and behold, the most recent episode is from September 4th. Maybe it's in a different folder. So, you know, we do a finder search all on an Apple. And lo and behold, the most recent episode is from September 4th. As I'm speaking to you today, it's September 6th. I had two additional interviews, Emily and Tommy, one on the 5th and one on the 6th. So now neither episode is on my hard drive. They're not hidden in a different folder. So the next logical progression for me is to go down the checklist and reach out to Zoom. I'm thinking, you know, maybe there's a chance that Zoom messed something up on their side. So I have the top package I can get in Zoom. I have, you know, essentially a dedicated customer support rep. I hit them up on the chat bot. One thing leads to another, and they share with me that we didn't press the fucking record button. It's not pressed I Said okay. Well, you know shit happens. I understand how technology works. I mean I was part owners of a tech company I asked them they could go back in their logs and pull out the files like send me the audio file Even though it wasn't recorded they have to have some sort of log system Footprint thumbprint, whatever you want to call it. Of course, based off of privacy and compliance, if I don't press record, they don't press record. Dead fucking end. There's nothing there. So at this moment, I'm literally motherfucking every person that I possibly can I'm motherfucking zoom for not recording the phone calls. I'm motherfucking doug for not having an automatic recorded message an automatic recorded zoom call I'm motherfucking curtain. Admittedly. He doesn't have anything to do with any of this stuff He just happens to be my proximity and i'm not saying all this stuff out loud Like kurt's literally sitting across me right now with a smirk on his face because I don't raise my voice.

Theoin Thompson (07:38)

Like it's just not who I am. But ultimately when I get done going through this checklist, I start motherfucking myself. Because you see, it's not Doug's fault that it wasn't recorded. It's certainly not Kurt's fault it wasn't recorded. I was the motherfucker conducting the interview. There's a bright red microphone button on the bottom right hand corner of Zoom that you literally press record. Sure, we have some system set up that normally that automatically happens, but it's something that I had the chance to change and I did not. So I'm pissed at everybody else, but at the end of the day, I'm really just fucking mad at myself. I can't blame Kurt or Doug. I can't blame Emily or Tommy. It's me. It's my fault. I didn't press record. So now there's this whole checklist that I've went through of trying to find the recorded calls that I can't find. There's a checklist that I've went through of trying to blame other people, which ultimately leads back to myself. And now I'm on the third and final checklist of how in the fuck do I call these two people who I respect immensely, who have already given me hours of their days, and tell them that I fucked up. Me. Like, time is the one commodity that I know we can't make more of, at least not right now. And I have a rough idea of the money that Emily makes inside of her business, not because she shared it or boisterous, but because I can put fucking numbers together and guess. And same thing with Tommy. I know how much, I mean, Tommy owns a very successful coaching business. I know what his time is worth. I know what he charges people per hour. So I'm thinking, both these individuals gave up two hours of their day, maybe a little bit more, maybe a little less. What was the opportunity cost for me fucking up their life? And you might be sitting here listening right now saying, like, you didn't really mess up their life, Ryan. You know, accidents happen. Well, fuck yes, they do. Accidents happen. Shit happens. But I have one of the most successful podcasts in the country, really in the world. Top 50 for sure. I've dedicated time, energy, and effort to perfecting this craft, to paying coaches, to systematizing what we do. And I dropped the fucking ball on pressing record. So now I'm consumed in this moment with shame. Like I'm shameful at the fact that I didn't think things through. I'm guilty at the fact, I feel guilt in the moment of not being able to do the right thing by these people that I value their time. I'm embarrassed. Like I have a red face, like literally it's red. I can feel it right now under the lights of the studio. I can feel my heat rising because I have to, when I'm done recording this, call these two individuals and say I fucked up. Now certainly, I'm not the first person to make a mistake in their life. Fortunately for me, Emily and I covered on our interview together that one of her biggest regrets is not admitting when she was faltering. So, I think I got that one. I can't guarantee you as a listener she's ever going to come on the show again. Granted, we have a friendship external from this show, but still, I pissed away her time. Tommy's a little different. Tommy is a little different. Tommy leaves his house and goes to a recording studio and specifically sets up time for something like this because he cares about the value that he adds to the marketplace and how his message sounds to the world.

Having reality, back to the show and forward (11:06)

Now granted, I fully realize that by having people on this show that they get exposed to you the listener. That's the whole reason I have people on because I truly believe you get tired of hearing my voice and because I want other people's input on the stories and things they went through in their life. I have a running statement, if you will. If I don't enjoy you as a person, if I don't want to hang out with you and converse with you off air, I don't give a shit about having you on the fucking podcast. And these are two people that I generally, I could have spoken to them for five or six hours and just had a blast. But here I'm not showing them that level of respect by the fact of not checking the boxes, not going in order, not paying attention to the fucking details in my life. So now I have to go eat crow. And I don't know if they're coming back on the show or not. Like literally as I record this, this shit happened 35 minutes ago. And so when I call this episode trigger warning and set it up on the front side, like this is real authentic in the moment fucking heat that's radiating off my body from all the shit that I'm sharing with you. from all the shit that I'm sharing with you. And I want you to take away something from this episode. That it's natural to me to blame other people. In the moment, I wanted to blame every other fucking person that I possibly could for my deficiencies. It's easy to point the finger outward, right? It's not easy to turn around and hold the mirror facing me and see that finger pointing back at me and fully realizing the only fault that anybody else had in the situation is the fact they associate with me. It's my fault for not pressing record. It's my fault for not paying attention to the details. It's my fault for wasting these people's time. It is my fucking fault. But I think about how many other times in my life where it was easy to be sedated and point at other people. Like, okay, when my truck got repossessed, that it was somebody else's fault. That businesses failed. That I wasn't making enough money. That the guy I worked for, maybe that he didn't pay me as much as I thought I was worth. Like I concocted all these fucking stories. Like story after story after story to justify the fact that I just fucked up and ran a business into the ground. That's the truth of the matter. Same thing I did for years when it came to the women as they all overlapped, that I had these fucking stories that I had created that it was their fault for not being the right person as to why I went out and cheated on them. Think of how fucked up that is. That is real talk of some shit I don't know if I've ever said on air before. I had spun these stories around to my social circle that the reason that I was cheating was because girl number one or girl number two or girl number three, whatever fucking number it was, that because they only had seven of the 10 things I was looking for, it was their fault that they didn't have the other three. They drove me to go find somebody else. When you're hearing this and you hear me say it out loud, I hope you realize how incredibly weak and childish and petulant this sounds. Because it is. These are extreme examples, right? Like cheating and lying and failed businesses. Those are extreme examples of why it's easy to point your finger at somebody else. But what happens in those small moments when you don't realize it? When you come home from a long day at the office and you're blaming your wife for not having food on the table for you, like ready, waiting to serve you hand and foot. And you're fucking blaming her for not catering to your every need and desire. That's just as ridiculous. It's not her fault. It's not her fault that you're the jackass that cares more about work than being home with your family. It's not her fault that you're not putting in the time to actually help support the family from inside the four walls and help cook dinner.

Planning your day to work with instead of against (15:16)

It's not her fault you're not home in time to take care of the kids so that she can make time and space for herself to get creative enough to prepare a meal for you. It's your fault. It's your fault. You know, at some point you have to start taking extreme ownership of the situations that occur in your life.

How it feels to own my mistakes (15:39)

It's not comfortable for me to do it in this exact moment. Again, when I stop recording this episode and I pick up the phone and call Emily and say, Hey, buddy, thanks again for the conversation yesterday. I had a great time with you. Oh, and by the way, I didn't press fucking record. So can I beg you to hop on another show? That sucks. But admittedly, the old me would have just ran from this shit. I would have not called her. I would have let enough weeks pass by. I would have came up with some fucking lie and blamed somebody else that somebody else was getting around to posting the episode. And I would have just shifted it under the rug. Like, fuck it, right? Who cares? It's only one person. I don't need her in my life. I was weak as shit. I was embarrassed to have tough conversations that put me in a less than positive light. Because I was convinced I was the only fucking person on the planet that ever done any of this dumb shit. Guess what? Tommy has his own podcast. Emily has her own podcast. I'm going to play the odds and say at some point they fucked up some sort of recording. And even if they didn't, they'll have a good chuckle and they'll probably never do it because now they know a jackass that did it with them. Like it's wild in life how easy it had been for me in the past just to create lies and stories to justify my behavior or lack thereof. But that was a story that I used to tell myself. The magic part about this is I'm in control of my own life and no one's coming to fucking save me. There is nobody that's going to make the phone call to Emily and Tommy other than me. That's it. There isn't somebody else. But admittedly, I don't want there to be. Like now I'm the motherfucker that wants to run into the confrontation just to get it over with. It's part of it. That's part of the progression of life. That's part of me expanding to be a bigger and better person than I was yesterday. Change and growth is uncomfortable. Just as these phone calls will be. But they have to happen. will be. But they have to happen. And so as you take stock of your own life in this moment, the same way I just ran through, I took stock of my own. Where in your life are you blaming other people for things that are ultimately your fault? Are you blaming your parents for your genetics, which is why you can't lose weight, even though you refuse to go to the fucking gym and eat well, that you're having cans of soda or pop or whatever the hell you call it.

Who to blame (18:18)

You're drinking fruit juice all day long. You're snacking on sugar throughout the day, but yet it's your parents' fault that you're overweight. It's your parents' fault that you don't know how to eat well. Fuck you. Like, that's wrong. Like, it's your fault. At some point, you have to realize the world is not out to get you. You're out to get your fucking self. You're going to have to change. This saying used to drive me nuts because I couldn't conceptualize it the right way. Nothing changes in your life if nothing changes. If you keep blaming other people and owning status quo, that is exactly what the fuck you're going to get as status quo. Same thing potentially in your relationship, right? Maybe you're that guy that's coming home expecting dinner to be on the table. And that it's somebody else's fault when that doesn't happen. Like, how dare your wife, girlfriend, fiance, lover doesn't think enough about you to put dinner on the table around your schedule? It's easy to point the finger at her or him, isn't it? Like, what are they doing all day? They're just sitting at home.

Negative Responses

They just hate me (19:40)

Motherfucker, when's the last time that you tried to help out around the house to actually contribute? When did you show up early at home to relieve your wife or spouse of the children? Or to have a conversation that wasn't rushed or labored? When's the last time you poured into your family without expecting something in return? I bet the answer is next to never. And maybe the place that you're pointing fingers is in the office, where you're convinced that you keep getting passed over for a promotion because your boss is an asshole. Because it's everybody else knows somebody that you don't know, which is why they get the promotion. When if you're being honest with yourself, you're doing the bare fucking minimum most days just to get by. You don't deserve a raise or a promotion based off the performance you've been putting forth. Sure, you might have had a good week or a good month at some point in the past two years, but you're pissed off you're getting passed over now. You're getting passed over because you don't actually fucking deserve it. Stop lying and just own the fact that you don't give a shit about the job. You're just working it to get a paycheck. And you think because you've been there long enough, you should get a higher paycheck.

Emotional Triggers

Wlorfeels (20:55)

Fuck you. Work harder. As I said, this episode is going to be a little different, a little bit of a rant, something that I'm feeling this inside so I'm sharing with you real time. What I do know is in this situation, because I used to live the other way, when you start telling the truth and getting extreme with the ownership of the shit you did wrong and you can apply that every day, you'll see that day over day you're able to get shit done.

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