Episode 151: The Power of Perspective and How To Change It | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 151: The Power of Perspective and How To Change It".


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Intro (00:00)

I'm Ryan Neidell host of 15 minutes to freedom your daily action guide to getting shit done do me a favor if you don't mind. Give me a five-star review and a written comment if you've gotten any value from any of my shows. The more reviews I get, the higher my ranking. The higher my ranking, the more people hear my content. That's really what this is all about. Figuring out how I can reach and impact a million people's lives. Today's episode is the power of perception. Today's episode is the power of perception. So in today's episode, I'm going to share with you a monumental shift that happened literally last night in the way that a perceived action can shift the developmental time in a young person's life. So yesterday, Lindsay headed to Washington, D.C., Fairfax, Virginia, essentially. Her brother lives there, and her brother had just, not just, he's got a one-year-old, him and his wife have a one-year-old son.

Personal Experiences And Views

Constructure Lindsay is headed to Washington DC (01:00)

And for that, her brother's a very successful sales guy, executive, however you want to say it, inside of the striker medical world. And so they have their quarterly sales conference, or maybe it's yearly, I admittedly don't really know. They have that on the West Coast this year, and so Lindsay flew there to watch James, her nephew. In that, I get the distinct pleasure of spending three consecutive days with Gianna, Gianna being Lindsay and I's daughter. And really not Lindsay and I's daughter from the fact that she's not my DNA, but if you're new to the show, it's a bonus daughter situation where I get to spend 65-70% of our time is with Gianna and the other 35-30% of the time is with her father. And so in this, I'm admittedly looking forward to it. It's a pattern interrupt for me. It forces me to be a different version of myself because I have to leave the office early. I have to get to school to pick her up where last night was gymnastics. I can't box in the morning because I have to make sure I have time to get her ready for school and drop her off because we live in a slightly different school district than Lindsay's ex-husband. But I'm looking forward to it. These are things that would have scared the living daylights out of me before, but over four and a half years of spending time with Lindsay and Gianna, I truly look forward to this. And so yesterday progresses. Gianna and I hop in the car super early in the morning, take Lindsay to the airport, kind of rush back from one side of town to the other. If you're not familiar with the geography of Columbus, we live on the northwest side of Columbus, really pretty far out from where the airport is, which is literally the due east side of Columbus. We live on the northwest side of Columbus, really pretty far out from where the airport is, which is literally the due east side of Columbus. So it's about a 35-minute commute in good traffic days. But on a Wednesday, middle of rush hour, it took a little bit longer. So we had to get up early, get Lindsay to the airport. John and I rushed back home, and more just to our side of town, and ultimately have breakfast together. And it's great because it's a good, positive way to start our day. I get to get her mind clicking. I get to ask her questions about school. We get to laugh. I'm fully present and focused on just her. And not that Lindsay's not when she's with her. It's just refreshing for me to have that new frame to view my day through. How incredibly impactful is it that I get to spend this amazing time with this super innocent eight-year-old girl where she's sharing with me her view of life in a way that causes me to look at my life differently. And so I wait in line at school and do all the fun stuff that you get to do as a parent and drop her off. Like talk to her in the car, kiss her goodbye. Like some really, really cool stuff to me. And if you're a parent, you probably take not all this for granted, but it becomes just part of your day where admittedly I fall back on Lindsay and this is like her part of our daily routine where I get to be a little selfish in the morning, you know, hit my core four, do my stack, head out the door for the gym. So I'm not always around for this part of a day. So as I go through this, I come to the office and knock out a bunch of stuff at the office. And it's been a good day at work too. Like the day's just good. It started out on a positive note. It continued on a positive note. Lindsay made it to DC very quickly, very short flight. And so I leave work earlier than normal. I'm normal, like a 6.30, 7 o'clock at night guy where I leave the office, head back home at that time, miss rush hour, but on Wednesdays, Gianna has gymnastics, and that's great. I see her probably once a month. Admittedly, this has caused me and my perception to change, realizing yesterday I can give up some time on Wednesdays, leave work early and go support her more than just once a month. I mean, she only competes in gymnastics once a week. There's this bullshit story I've been telling myself of like, oh, work is too important because I've justified a way that if I take her on a date once a week and I date her and Lindsay once a week, then I don't have to show up for something like gymnastics. That's a completely bullshit story. It's just one I've been telling myself. So that's a first shift in perception, but that's ultimately not what this episode's about. So leave work, fight rush hour, on the phone with a guy, all the way to gymnastics, show up more towards the backside of gymnastics. I certainly did not make it there at 4.30 like I would have liked to. Much closer to 5.15, 5.20. So it's really towards the tail end. Fortunately, Lindsay's parents live close and are very active in Gianna's life. And so they were there. Like, they helped pick her up and shuttle around, as they so often do. As gymnastics concluded, we decided to all go have dinner at a local restaurant together. Drive to the local restaurant, admittedly call it what it is. I turned the wrong way. I rode the wrong way. There's in the small town that we live in, there's a stoplight that I wasn't aware of that has a sign that says between four and 7 PM, you can't turn left or cross traffic. Well, I turned left or cross traffic, got pulled over, got a $135 ticket based off of little turning left on a green light, but I got it. I own it it delayed dinner a little bit We had some laughs about it over over the dinner that we shared together In that I'm blessed with this incredible Gift in my life Which is my college roommate TJ who lives in South Carolina? Has decided to come up to see his mother and spent some time with us and him and I were texting back and forth that He was close like he left down in South, I think at 10 o'clock in the morning or so.

I wanted to take TJ to dinner (06:15)

And he'd been driving up here and it was going to arrive in between seven and eight o'clock. So I know he's coming. I know he's on the backside of things and he can help out around the house with some things we might have to do. And so we wrap up dinner. I had a good time, good laugh. Gianna gets in my car now. She's in the back seat. And I'm calling Lindsay and we're talking to her on the phone. And literally without even knowing, as I'm pulling into my driveway, TJ's parking his car, which great timing. I just couldn't be any more fortunate that things just lined up that way. And so we walk inside and I reintroduce Lindsay to TJ, who she'd met before at the wedding. TJ was fortunate enough to come out and spend time with us out in Venice Beach or Malibu, however you want to say it, Santa Monica for Lindsay and I's wedding in May. And so as TJ and I are catching up at the dinner table, Lindsay's car has had some sort of issue in the back end. Nothing major, just something that doesn't feel quite right. So made an appointment to take it into the local service shop. It's 7.30 or so. Gianna has been full go since 7.15 in the morning, which is early for her.

STTPlauteproductdomainaminvasiveinterventionuTMCMDOfficeKurtHillGUUlitism. (07:33)

So in that, Gianna's eight, almost nine in December. I call her down to the dinner table where TJ and I are sitting across from each other, having a conversation, just catching up like old friends would do. I say, Gianna, we have a choice right now. I got to take mommy's car in and just drop it off at the service center, which is about a round trip of 20, maybe 25 minutes. It's all back roads. It's very quick. It's very convenient for where we live. And so I give her the option, like, look, you can throw your shoes back on, throw back on some clothes that are appropriate to leave the house in And come with us, we'll be back in 20-25 minutes Or you can stay at home with the two pitbulls that we have I'll lock every door Let's make sure your iPad has charge to it And I'll be back in 20-25 minutes Don't care which one you want, just let me know which way you want to go She's like, well, I want option number two I said, I get it, you've been gone all day, you haven't been home You just had a good meal, you just want to go. She's like, well, I want option number two. I said, I get it. You know, you've been gone all day. You haven't been home. You just had a good meal. You just want to relax. Yeah, I've been texting back and forth with mommy. I just want to stay here. So I do exactly what I say I'm going to do. Check the back door. It's locked. Check the front door. It's locked. Everything's good. She's got her iPad. She's texting the boys as we call them. Zeus and Roman, the pit bulls are out roaming around They certainly are on high alert all the time that John is home. Anyways, let alone when we're not home, you know, Lindsay or I So throw TJ the keys to Lindsay's car and we take off down the road and this point it's 7 43 p.m Sun's still out Still bright. No big deal I've called Lindsay two or three times in this amount of time, and she hasn't been able to pick up the phone, and of course she's watching basically a toddler, you know, a one-year-old. So I'm like, no big deal. Like, I want to run it by her just so she knew what I was doing, and so there wasn't any sort of mix-up. Like, again, if Gianna was 100% mine, I would have done exactly what I did. I just wanted to touch base. So off Teej and I are driving. Again, very short, maybe 10, 12 minute drive to this dealership. All back roads. As we get on the final stretch of dropping this car off, you know, I'm literally pulling in the parking lot and Lindsay's calling me. I pick up the phone and she's in a panic. Where are you? What are you doing? What's going on? I'm dropping off your car, trying to, you know, tidy up some loose ends while you're not home. Why? What's going on? In this amount of time, Lindsay's ex-husband has called Gianna, as he so often does. Probably every night. I don't consciously pay attention to how often he calls. And he's FaceTiming Gianna. And in that FaceTime, Gianna shares with him like, look, Ryan stepped out. He's running an errand real quick. He'll be right back. Mommy's in DC. And Lindsay's ex takes massive exception to this. Like massive. Is super unhappy with the current situation. So much so that he tells her that he's not, I believe he tells her, and again, I wasn't there, that some of the lines of that's not okay and he's going to leave his house and come get her. Okay, so Lindsay's sharing all this with me real time and it's literally, it's halfway through TJ and I's journey. I'm out of the car, I'm putting the key in the night drop box and I'm back in my car driving us back home. And in that, Lindsay's just incessantly, we're still talking and she hangs up and she calls Gianna. And I call Gianna, I'm like, hey, what's going on, sweetheart? And she's like, some tears in her eyes. She's like, daddy's coming to get me, I don't know what to do. And I'm flabbergasted. And I'm flabbergasted by the fact that here's this little girl who's incredibly intelligent, incredibly articulate, that it's now just before 8 o'clock. I'm going to say 7.58. And we're already driving home. And in the amount of time she's spoken to her father, she's spoken to her mother, and now she's spoken to me. So maybe she was quote unquote alone without any sort of external parental influence for a total of two minutes. But nonetheless, I have this young girl that's distraught. And I'm asking her why and she's like, well, daddy's coming to get me and I don't know what to do about it. And Gianna is a very sensitive soul. She certainly never wants to hurt anybody's feelings. That's like her thing. She is just very, very kind. And so in that, I'm just reassuring her like it's no big deal sweetheart you know if you want to go daddy go daddy it's fine now admittedly behind the scenes this is tearing me apart because I love the time I get with Gianna like it's something I'm honored that Lindsay trusts me to watch her I bond with her like again she's not my DNA, but she is my daughter. It's crazy to me. I love her as much as I physically know how to love another human being.

FishClitoralCllAnusAntiquation. (12:13)

I would do anything for this little girl. And so in that, I'm making sure not to share this with her. Of course, I'm mad in the moment. What the heck is going on? What are all these things? What has happened in the past 12 or 14 minutes, whatever it's been, that's that monumental that now there's this negative emotion associated with the situation that, in my opinion, doesn't need to exist? Don't get me wrong. I fully understand if Lindsay's ex-husband is frustrated and thinks that his child is in danger, I would expect there to be some massive action.

LindellexNeighborsOfPointZeroPartialholdsGiannainspiteBodyTanningSquatsToJoyArticle (12:35)

But in saying that, I want to make sure I set the right tone for this. As Gianna comes back into our household last week, we have shared parenting. We're just talking to Gianna, just catching up with her. How was your weekend? And she's like, good. I got to play with my friend across the street and all these different things. I said, oh, tell us more. And she goes into telling us a story how she wakes up Saturday morning and her dad's not home because he decided he had to go to work.

Social Blend3DPreliminaryCellHaveINΦHycloricAcid,E url: II,] (13:09)

I shouldn't say decide. Well, it is a decision. Everything's a decision. He decides to go to work, decides to leave her home alone. And she gets up, makes herself breakfast, doesn't have her iPad with her. So she can't really, or iPod. So she can't text anybody and decides to leave him a note and walk across the street and play with her friend. Again, Gianna is very intelligent. It bothers me that she didn't have a way to communicate with the outside world other than a handwritten note, but it doesn't so much bother me because of how mature she is as a young lady. And so I know this has went on and it's hours. It's not like he was gone for 10 or 15 minutes And not that time is the ultimate comparison It's just like alright. Is that what's triggered him? Is that what's making him mad is that she's home alone? because then what would be different in that situation versus my situation I Don't really know. So, you know, he here's this new situation that's evolving and he's Calling Lindsay and Lindsay's calling him and And Lindsay being who she is, is ultra emotional. Like she is full blood Italian and she just goes off. Like there is no mid ground with her. It's completely calm or like full gone, full gone, like crazy.

Trust being abused (14:15)

And she was certainly flipped into full gone crazy mode. Lover. She's my wife, but she was like full-blood, crazy Italian woman. And so she's screaming at me on the phone. And I know she's been screaming at her ex-husband. And I'm like, man, all that really matters is that Gianna is happy, healthy, and safe. Like, that's it. And so I'm on the phone with Lindsay as I'm driving home. And admittedly, I'm making sure that I'm home as quickly as possible. TJ's in the passenger seat. And as we pull in the driveway, Lindsay's ex has literally just gotten there. And we pull in the driveway and it's, gosh, I think it was either 8.08 or 8.12. So grand total encompassing time is somewhere between 24 and 30 minutes. And the entire time, Gianna's had somebody, at least on the phone or around her, that cares about her. And her ex-husband's there and is basically like taking Gianna, like taking her out of the house. And I had called Gianna again before I got home and said, look, when your daddy comes, just make sure the two pitbulls are put away so everybody's safe. And grab your book bag and it's no big deal. Don't be upset. It's truly fine. Just lock the door and head out of the garage and we'll handle it. And so when I get home, pull in the driveway. And again, I'm not aggressively pulling in. I just pull in. TJ and I hop out of the car. And her dad and her are walking out of the front door and towards their car. And just like, hey, what's going on? Let's talk about this for a second. And I probably don't say let's talk about this for a second. Somewhere along the lines of, hey, what's going on? So I have Lindsay on the phone. I have TJ flanking me to my right, like down the driveway. I have Lindsay's ex squared up across from me, probably five feet away. And I have Gianna over to my left, which would be inside of our garage. And so here I am with a guy that admittedly doesn't care for me. I mean, Lindsay's ex just doesn't really care for me. It's unfortunate, but we haven't gotten that same wavelength. And I've shared that in different episodes before. So I am just as guilty for that as he is because I am not reaching out consistently trying to mend that fence that 100% on my side, I don't fully know why it's broken. But nonetheless, I can't cast dispersions on him if I'm not willing to step up and do something about it myself. And so I have Lindsay on the phone and she's on speakerphone and she's again, full fledged Italian mode right now, like mama bear protective, like yelling and all this stuff. I'm like, hey, timeout. Like this is not healthy. Like just stop. And so I put the phone up to my ear, take her off speakerphone, and she's continuing to go off on the tangent that she's going off on. And Lindsay's ex says like across to me, like wrap it up. Like basically hang up on her. And so I look at her, I'm like, I'm a little confused, but obviously there's an emotional charge in the air right now for all the reasons that could exist. Like, it's just a tense moment.

Emotional (17:08)

So I make eye contact with him and admittedly don't break frame. Like, I'm staring at him deadpan. As Lindsay's talking, I can't really say I'm understanding what she's saying because now I'm not focused on that. And in that, I say, okay, look, I'm explaining to Lindsay, the situation where TJ is at in relation to me and where Corey's at and where Gianna's at. And here we are. I said, you know, let me put you on speaker and we'll talk about it. So Lindsay's ex decides to have Gianna go sit in this car. And I'm a hundred percent hoping that there's some way that I can keep Gianna at the house. Cause I love, this is not a, this is where the perspective change comes in. Gianna is not a tug of war. Like I don't win by proving a point. Like maybe there's a chance I could have called the cops yesterday and had this situation handled a different way, but that doesn't benefit Gianna. That's not making her life better. That's not adding value to her. All that does is create a negative response, a negative emotion to a negative situation. So sure, that's one option. That's one thing I could have done. The other thing I could have done is in that moment when I feel that fire burning inside of someone's going to come take a girl that I care about from our household. And I have this guy also saying like, I should hang up on my wife in this moment. There's this trigger that's going on. Like I'm getting angry. I want to become aggressive. But in that same thought process, I'm able to change that perception and say, okay, if I do anything out of line, that's again, another negative response that Gianna is going to have to hold onto for her life. Because now I've gotten to the point where I'm very present. Like I'm aware of what's going on in every moment and what it can do to those people around me. And I certainly don't live for other people anymore. But when I'm responsible for helping mold an adolescent, a young child, especially Gianna, I want to make sure I'm equipping her with every tool possible to be the best adult she can be. she can be. That's a lot of the personal training, the coaching, whatever you want to say, personal development that I go through with different clients is eventually you go back and you start unraveling the yarn ball that's been created as a young child. So if I know that exists, then why would I take action today that's going to make that yarn ball bigger? She's already going to have her own things to overcome as an adult. We all do. It doesn't matter if you came from the best household with parents that are married. And like I said, we all have those traumatic events that are just our own version of trauma, not necessarily worldly trauma. And so I'm faced with that option. That is something I can do. Or the next option that I can do is say to John, I'm like, look, it's okay, sweetheart. I'm not mad at you at all. Like daddy wants to spend time with you. I think it's great. You can be with him.

Go, (19:44)

Why don't you just go sit in the car for a second and let mommy, daddy, and I talk and see, see what we're going to come up with. Tell her that I love her. Look her dead in the eye. Cause she's crying. Like she's, she's upset in this moment because inevitably she's super intelligent, but I don't know that she understands exactly why all these pieces and parts are going on, but they are like, this is real life. This is real and parts are going on. But they are. Like, this is real life. This is real stuff that's going on. And so she goes and sits in the back of his car, which is also parked in the driveway and running right now. And then, you know, Lindsay's still on the phone. So I put her on speakerphone. And of course, Lindsay, unfortunately, is not able to diffuse the situation. She's adding more fuel to the fire. She's yelling at me. She's yelling at her ex, all the things we're doing to damage her daughter. And I get it from, you know, a couple of states away.

Right and Wrong (20:29)

That's her response. That's what's going on to her. But in the moment for me, I'm like, man, all this is not helping anything. Like, are these things making Gianna's life better or worse? I implore you to start, start looking looking at life that's not right and wrong. Like, right and wrong are these weird terms that we came up with as a society. Like, is it benefiting you or is it not? What might be beneficial for me might not be beneficial for you. It doesn't mean that I'm right and you're wrong or vice versa. It just means we have different things that are important. And so Lindsay's yelling and all the things that she does, super aggressive, saying some very not pleasant things to everybody involved. And Lindsay's ex says, look, she's your problem now and walks down the driveway and hops in the car. I say, okay, like I get it. Like I'm still not raising my voice, still not doing anything. So I walk around the car to go say goodbye to Gianna. Unfortunately, as I walk around the car, So I walk around the car to go say goodbye to Gianna. Unfortunately, as I walk around the car, he presses the lock button, puts it in reverse, and starts to back out. And I can see tears streaming down Gianna's face in the back of the car. I can see it because the dome light's on, the overhead light's on. And I don't want her to feel any pain. Like, this is not her. This has nothing to do with Gianna. She didn't do anything wrong in this situation. And so I say, like, I mouth to her, it's okay, and I wave to her and I blow her a kiss, and, like, inside I'm destroyed. But in this moment, there's nothing that I'm doing to show her that I'm the one that's upset. Like, I want to spend the time with her. I want to benefit her life. I still don't want her to feel anything negative, let alone from a situation like this that maybe indirectly I somehow have caused. And I'm okay if you are feeling right now there's some judgment going on of you shouldn't have left her home alone and all this stuff wouldn't have happened. There's probably some truth to that. But as I eventually shared with my wife after Gianna leaves and after she gets home safe, you know, to her, her dad's house, which is only like a four minute drive from our house as it sits. I'm like, that's just none of the stuff that we think matters. What matters is the perception of the situation. Like any given situation isn't really that traumatic. It's the responses that we all have that are emotional that make it traumatic. Okay, internally as adults, I know that Lindsay's ex is mad that she's with me and not with him and all the things that can go into that for whatever the reasons are from every person involved. But if we handle it as though it's a neutral situation as far as emotionally charged towards Gianna, then all she knows is she's got three people in her life that love her and want to spend time with her. How powerful is that message? How great does that make her feel as a child? But when it becomes this tug of war about who gets to spend time with Gianna, and she can feel that, and she's put into an emotional state where she has to shed tears, the situation is flawed. There are things that shouldn't have happened that have happened. Because again, as I shared, if Gianna was just Lindsay and I's and TJ didn't happen to be in town and her car did happen to need service, I know her and I would have had the same conversation with Gianna in the same way and really came up with the same outcome. Because of how intelligent and articulate and safe we feel that Gianna would have been in our household for 20 or 25 minutes left alone. And we live in a nice part of town with good neighbors and protective dogs and door locks at work and a phone that has service.

It happened in 8 minutes,results Gianna upset (23:41)

But yet there's this whole other side of things. And so what seems like, okay, they leave the house, we'll say, by 8.15 or 8.20. It's a very quick conversation. Lindsay eventually calls over to have a conversation with Gianna, make sure she's safe and happy and they're building puzzles or playing games or doing whatever they were doing. And then she calls me and she's sharing this with me. And in this, we're having this long-winded conversation. I carry this on until probably 9.30 and I feel badly for TJ who's sitting across the dining room table from me still at this point, like listening to all this. We're incredibly close. So it's not like a judgment thing. It's just, okay, here's this guy that's driven seven, seven and a half, eight hours sitting across from me. And the first two hours he's been around me, it's just this complete and utter train wreck. He's having to listen to all this craziness.

What This Means To You (24:43)

It's not even from a judgment thing. It's like, man, I would much rather catch up on anything else other than this. But here's Lindsay and I having this in-depth conversation how, you know, I should call her parents and I should do all these different things. And eventually we start shifting the perception.

Personal And Professional Impact

Methods (25:00)

Like when I really look at this situation and I can remove myself a couple layers and a couple levels from the intimate details, Gianna's incredibly fortunate. She has a mother that loves her that wants to spend time with her. She has a bonus father in me that wants to spend time with her that loves her. She got a father that loves her that wants to spend time with her, that loves her. She's got a father that loves her and wants to spend time with her. She's got two grandparents here locally. She's got a loving group of people, our own tribe, that wants to spend time with her.

Life Could Change (25:35)

Like her biggest issue right now, had we handled it differently as adults, her biggest issue is the number of people that want to be with her. Like, there are an incredible number of young men and young women that don't have a father that wants to see them. Like, her life could be drastically different. She's got parents that both have good households that are stable. We all want to teach her our own version of lessons and things that impact her life to make her a better person and a more well-rounded adult. And so there's all these perceptions that go into the moment that create this animosity. But when you can break down the perceptions and change them, or I'll call it the frame, you build yourself a new frame to look through, life can instantly change. When I start sharing with Lindsay the way that I view the situation and why, you know, if people are going to judge us for whatever I did, you know, leaving Gianna home for 25 minutes, they're going to judge us no matter what I say to them. If I don't feel like I did anything wrong, which I don't, I don't need to justify it to anybody else. I can just simply say it. Say it once, hold space with it, and leave it alone. And so it's this weird dichotomy of things that go on through this hour-long conversation of Lindsay being super emotional, feeling helpless, rightfully so. She can't do anything. She can't come back. She can't protect her daughter. Into flip-flopping, getting to the point now where we have a conversation this morning, and Lindsay's had conversations with her mother and understands that there's some different ways to view the situation. And that Lindsay's ex unfortunately maybe wasn't able to think all this all the way through and had work appointments and couldn't get out of them this morning. So he had to call Lindsay's parents to help get Gianna to school. And like he's got work appointments on into the evening, so he needed to call Lindsay's parents to also pick Gianna up from school. And so the perception in the moment of maybe on his side, and I don't know of course, but the perception that Gianna is maybe not safe or not taken care of or not cared for, and that I'm out running around willy-nilly and enjoying the company of a good friend of mine, could have been shattered had there just been a conversation to say, admittedly, what the hell's going on here? And the answer would have been, my wife's car has a flat tire. It's got a screw in the back. I have to drop off at the dealership. If I don't do it tonight, I don't have time. John has been on the go since 7 o'clock in the morning. She's responsible and can stay home. All the bases are covered. I think she's safe for 25 minutes because I truly do. But that wasn't his perception. That wasn't the reality that he could create. It was just this, I'm going to assume this carnal response of my daughter could be in trouble. I have to go to her. And I get it the best I can. Because when Gianna tells me the story about how she was left alone for a morning, or however long it was, and again, I don't know the time. I'm not punching a clock. There's no stopwatch on this. But when she wakes up in the morning and is left alone, my instant response, everything that wants to come out of my mouth is inquisitive and negative towards her father. But I stop myself. There's no benefit to that. That perception that I could impress upon her is only going to make her life more difficult, not better. So in the quietness of my own mind, I can process it and I can share it with Lindsay and we can eventually frame it up the way that we need to to see if it's worthy of a conversation. See if it matters. Because it probably doesn't really matter. Like Lord knows no parent is going to put their child in jeopardy. TJ brought this up at the table. TJ also has a child. And like you think about it, no parent is going to intentionally endanger their child. You might not always agree that someone left your, you know, especially in a split household that your ex might have left your child home alone or is feeding them fast food versus home-cooked meals or, you know, letting them play out or stay up later than you would let them stay up. But ultimately, we're all adults. We're making the best decisions for our children that we know how to. And our own perception that the bias that we have is dictating what we feel is, again, that right from wrong. is dictating what we feel is, again, that right from wrong. But if the right and wrong no longer exist, it's just serve and not serve, then the perception starts to change. And that's what all this ends up being, is the power of perception is massively impactful. That when you let that emotional charge decision take over, it skews your current perception of reality. Because I was fortunate enough to hear through Gianna's mother, or I'm sorry, Lindsay's mother today, that her ex shared with Lindsay's mother that I was the only one in the situation that put Gianna's needs and wants and desires first. So the whole thing eventually comes full circle. And again, this isn't pounding my chest. This is a little like I have processed this in the last 18 hours or so, as I'm recording this about one o'clock in the afternoon. It's just this crazy thing to see this young child that's going to have these memories now. And I have to work through her with her own perception. And so to create this perception, I actually read every morning, you know, that I text Gianna. I text her message of love, honor, and appreciation every morning. And so I know she reads them. I might not always get a response, but it's not for her to respond to me. It's for me to let her know that she matters.

Reality (31:10)

So the message I sent her this morning at 6.33 was, good morning, Gianna, I love you. You're the best, most intelligent, beautiful, and powerful daughter in the entire world. Thank you so much for our dinner together last night. You ate those mussels so quickly. She loves mussels for whatever her reason. She literally like devoured this entire bowl of mussels. I'm glad we got to spend time together. It's always so much fun. I'm also glad you got to spend even more time with your daddy. It's so wonderful that so many people love you so much. Have a wonderful day, Gianna. I love you and no matter what happens, I always will. So that's the new perception that I can help create for her. That can be her new reality. It's just that. Like it doesn't have to be this thing of that her dad did something wrong or that she has to feel some internal turmoil. I'm going to do everything I can to back up the message that everything was fine. Because to me it is. Gianna still at this moment is loved, honored, appreciated and protected with her father. Selfishly I want to spend time with her. Guess what? I'll get to do it next Tuesday night. Like nothing in the moment is that impactful that it truly derails the rest of your life. Especially in a situation like this. It's just understanding different ways to view it. So where in your life right now are you allowing the perception that you have to dictate your reality? Potentially it's in your professional world.

Perception Of What Is Going On. How About Your Professional World? (32:39)

Where the perception of what's going on day-to-day inside your office place is making you think you don't qualify for a raise or for a promotion because there's this perception that someone else is the teacher's pet, the next level of the rungs, favorite employee. So you built this perception, this false pretense that you're not good enough, that you should go look for another job, that there's another advancement not inside these four walls.

Never Good Enough. (33:03)

That's just your perception. You don't know that that's the reality. Or maybe it's inside your workplace or inside your business. Or how about business and workplace are all the same? Maybe it's inside your relationship where the perception that you have of your relationship is the fact that your partner is just never going to provide for you what you ultimately need. But that's a perception. You've never had the conversation and push it hard enough to see if that's really true or just what you believe to be true.

Concluding Remarks

Enough Conversations. Enough Push. (33:33)

Where enough tough conversations and questions could change that story. Or maybe it's in the fitness world. Maybe you're just truly convinced that there's no way for you to lose weight. Your parents are overweight. Their parents are overweight. Heart disease in your family. There's a perception that that's just the story that you're damned to live. But it's a perception that you can change. If you ate better and worked out and exercised and stayed away from sugar and stayed away from salt, could you change that perception? So what I'll encourage you to do is every day take stock of the perceptions that you have that are dictating your reality. And when you consistently monitor your perceptions, you'll find out that day over day, you're able to get shit done. Shit. Shit. Done.

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