Episode 152: Interview with Ryan Michler | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 152: Interview with Ryan Michler".


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Intro (00:00)

I'm Ryan Neidell, host of 15 Minutes to Freedom, your daily action guide to getting shit done. Today I have a special guest on the show a man with an incredible first name that also is dedicated to changing the world changing men's lives the owner of order of man the author of sovereignty one of amazon's probably even a new york times bestseller at this point ryan mitcheller how are you ryan what's up man glad to be here i wish i could say new york times best-selling author, but that just isn't the case yet. Yet. See, I like that. So I have a copy of the book. I've started to read through it, and not because you're a guest on the show, but it's just organically next up in my list of reading. And it's an impactful book. You put your blood, sweat, and tears into that book. That's not just something like, oh, I used a ghost writer, and I'm just going to fudge this and see what goes on. That's a real powerful piece of literature there. Well, I appreciate that. That means a lot. Yeah, it was. I put a lot of time and attention and resources and energy into that thing. And I really wanted to create something that guys would be able to use for the rest of their lives and create some sort of a framework for taking control of their lives, which I think is something that a lot of men and women have given away. So hopefully that's a call to take back control and a roadmap for being able to do it. Absolutely. So take the listeners through, if you don't mind, what is that process in writing the book? How long did it take you to write it? What ultimately, if you've never heard of you being Ryan or heard of Order of Man or heard of the book, what, what is it like? I know how I would phrase it, but it's going to come much better coming out of the author's mouth. And it's going to come out of my mouth.

The Power And Journey Of “The Order Of Man”

Writing the book (01:48)

Yeah. Well, so the book is again, it's called sovereignty, the battle for the hearts and minds of men. So at the end of the day, the, the objective with, with the actual copy in the book itself is to give men the tools, the guidance, the direction, the focus, the clarity. We go through a code of conduct, which is 13 virtues that I personally adhere to that will help men reclaim their lives. I think there's so many guys out there who give away all of the power they have to change their lives. And they do it in the form of excuses and they make little lies and justifications about why they're underperforming or why they're inadequate and they refuse to take an objective look at themselves and take responsibility of their lives. And I found for me, that's a difficult and challenging thing to do. Of course, nobody wants to say they're inadequate or they don't know how to do a certain thing. Nobody enjoys that. But if you want to grow and you want to expand, that's exactly what you'll do. That's a starting point. So it's about taking the blindfold off and realizing objectively where you're strong, where you're weak, and where you can improve and ultimately enhance your life and the life of the people that you care about. And that's so impactful, not only for the male, but I, you know, I have a pretty even demographic now, oddly enough, like when my podcast started, I figured it was going to be men only. Like I'm obviously a man at heart. All my stories are based off the perspective of me. And now, you know, from the emails and some of the things I've going on, I'm finding it as 50 50. So even though this book is written towards men from a men's perspective, I talk from the pieces and parts that I've dove into in this book, it's applicable to anybody. Like I call it leaking power. Like we are all leaking power from somewhere, whether you're not telling the fucking truth or you're sedating, as I would say with, you know, porn or drugs or alcohol or not putting your family first, like the list gets long. And whether it's a man or a woman's perspective, it makes sense to just understand what's going on in some ways to address it. Like the book is not just for men. No, I mean, it's no, and you're right. I mean, it's written with men, men at heart, you know, of course. And, and, and that's kind of the angle that we took, but yeah, I mean, we, we have women who listen to our podcast as well and women who have read the book and they get just as much out of it because I think a lot of the times that things that we deal with are a human condition, not a man condition or a woman condition but human condition. And that human condition is to choose the path of least resistance, right? So if you're at work and you're not advancing for example as fast as you would have hoped, the path of least resistance is to say, well it's my boss's fault or it's my client's fault or it's my client's fault or it's the economy's fault, or this isn't the job for me. That's the path of least resistance. And that's what I refer to as the natural man, but it could be the natural woman as well. Lazy, immediate gratification, want something for nothing. And all of that produces inferior results in our lives. In every capacity possible. Absolutely. I feel like a jackass as a podcast host. I don't even bring up your podcast. Your podcast is Order Man. Yeah, that's right. And you've had that how many episodes? I mean, you're up over 100 episodes like this is not a hobby. This is another way. Oh, yeah. No, we've got I think we're at like 350 episodes. Yeah. I mean, shit, tons of valuable content. I think it's funny. Ryan accidentally last week, maybe it was two weeks ago, sent out an email to his email list. And I'm on Ryan's email list. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. This is not some passive. Like, the way I live my life is truly the way I live it. Like, this podcast isn't some bullshit way that I pontificate who I am. Like, when I find value in someone like Ryan, I opt into his email list. I want to consume the content that he's producing because it expands my mindset. And so in that, he accidentally sent an email, which I thought was a fucking brilliant marketing thing. Like he sent this email. It wasn't designed to be that way, but we actually sold a couple of spots to our event because of that email. Yeah. So this email comes across and it's from Ryan. Like you tell it, it feels and reads like he actually wrote it. It sounds like you actually did. And it says, you know, basically it's going through the number of things or the items you need to bring to the event that he's hosting. And I'm like, well, fuck, I didn't pay for this, but sure, like, let me know some more. And it was for fathers and sons. So it wasn't something that I could go to. I mean, I have Gianna, my what I call bonus daughter, but really my daughter. I mean, she's my flesh and blood when she's around us. And so we chatted back and forth that in this capacity, like I'm just so excited to have somebody on the podcast that just dedicated to adding value every day. So like if you hop on Ryan's social media and not this Ryan, Ryan at the interview, hop on his social media, hop on his podcast, hop in the book. Like it is truly this consistent give, give, give of just value, almost looking for nothing in return. Right. I mean, I'm not buttering you up, but I mean, sure, we all have things that we want to accelerate people into, ascend people into to have them expand their mind, but you give a shitload of value every day.

Block out time (06:22)

I, yeah, I hope that's the case. I mean, that's the ultimate objective, but I don't use it as a, as a tactic. I think it's really easy to fall into that, like give value and give more away for free than what other people charge their highest tier for, you know, you hear things like that that and I get, I understand what they're saying. I just enjoy my work. So at the end of the day, it's not about, oh, I need to, I need to find a way to add value today. It's very simply, I just want to share something that's worked for me or something that doesn't work. This morning, my wife and I, cause I was gone all of last week and my wife and I were having a conversation. I said, you know, I'm kind of stressed out today because I have so much to do and play catch up. And it's almost to that point where you have so much that you are paralyzed and you don't even know where to start. And so I get down here to my basement, which is my office and slash used to be my guest bedroom. And I get down here and I start working through what needs to be accomplished today, what I need to get done. And the way I do it, I've got a very simple system. I just write it all down on my computer, which syncs to my phone. So wherever I am, I know exactly what needs to be get done. So I write all this stuff down and then I just, I look at the list. What's the thing that needs to get done immediately and do that. And then when that's done, next thing and next thing and next thing and so on. So I thought, man, this could actually be pretty valuable for the guys. I'm sure they're dealing with the same issues. So I just jumped on Facebook real quick, did a three minute video and shared it. So it's not about trying to like gamify the idea of adding value. It's just simply sharing what works for me and what doesn't. So I'm glad to hear that. I'm glad that you, that you feel that way. Cause that's, that's what we try to do here. Yeah, for sure. And it's heartfelt. Like again, I don't need to piss on your face and tell you it's raining. Like it's just not the way I'm wired at all. So you actually touched base on something I want to cover. You said you were gone last week. Now I know from social media and from our pre-show interview, if you will, you have taken up jujitsu, right? Like you're going down a path to expand your body's capacity and you went to a pretty extreme camp for a week, right? Yeah. Yeah. There was a origin, which is a company that, that are the Pete Roberts is a friend of mine and he, he founded in and owns origin. Uh, but it's a, it's a company that does training gear, um, rash guards, geese supplements with, uh, their partner with Jocko. Anyways, I've become friends with them over the past year or so. And yeah, they had a training camp in Maine, a week-long training camp. And so I've been doing jujitsu for three months now. Yeah, three months. And Pete invited me out there.

Joeys Video [Fxmissedit] (08:56)

I said, yeah, I'll be there. And I went out there for a week and got my butt kicked for a week. And it was good. It's a really good experience. I'm sore and tired, but it's a really good experience. and it was good. It's a really good experience. I'm sore and tired, but it's a really good experience. I'm sure. Now, what made you jump into this genre of exercise? I mean, fighting sure, but it seems like it's more than just, I want to know how to fight. Like there's something else there. What was the shift? How did you get into this? Well, there's both. I mean, being able to defend yourself is critical, right? So certainly there was that element of it. And that was important to me me and that was one of the reasons and then I've got Pete with origin who's a friend and he's doing it and he's suggesting I try it and then I've got another friend who was actually my business partner on the events that we run in every event that we do we have these guys go in and do some basic jiu-jitsu type movements and things like that and the fundamentals of jiu-jitsu so everywhere I turned it kind of seemed like I was getting exposed to it here type movements and things like that and the fundamentals of jiu-jitsu, so Everywhere I turned it kind of seemed like I was getting exposed to it here and here and here and here and I thought man if if if this is the world's way of telling me that This would be of value to you then I ought to give it a try and I remember going to that first class and man It was So enlightening and so powerful. I was really sore. I was banged up, but man I hadn't experienced anything like that for a long time So yeah, there's the the practical component of it, which is your ability to defend yourself that I certainly appreciate but then there's the other side of it, which is Discipline and sacrifice and commitment and dedication and and really at the end of the day Jiu-jitsu is an analogy for life. It really is. There are so many lessons that can be learned on the mats rolling around that have just made it invaluable for me. Yeah. Yeah, so I'll tell you from my standpoint, I'd never been in a fight ever in my life. Never punched anything. I mean, used anabolic steroids, literally, Ryan, from 19 to 33, and I'm 34 right now. Like quick cold Turkey last fall. Wasn't for me. It was this 300 pound, pretty big guy, like definitely not, definitely not fat at 300 pounds. And so slowly I've shrunken down, but I came up in December 31st. I'm like, shit, I've never even punched a fucking punching bag before. I'm going to pivot and take the most extreme route. And I'm like, all right, I'm going to jump into, you know, jujitsu. I'm going to do, you know, MMA. And I started thinking about it. It's like I can't even use my body the right way yet. So I had to take a step back and go the boxing route to at least get some sort of fundamentals, which now is just about the end of what I'll call that challenge outcome for me. Like I live myself, my life on a challenge-based, a challenge basis. You know, I like quarterly and yearly goals for myself, things that expand my capacity. a challenge basis you know I like quarterly and yearly goals for myself things that expand my capacity and in that like my box first first and probably only boxing matches come up the probably end of October given the fact we find the right right opponent for me but it's just the amount of respect I have for seeing what it takes like it's great I can use my hands right and sure if you've never fought before you might not have any sort of appreciation for this but I only have to really worry about two things coming to hit me, a left hand and a right hand. No one's tackling me, no one's kicking me, no one's fucking, it's pretty upfront. I can see your hands. It's a whole different deal, that jiu-jitsu. I mean, it's a skill. It's a massive skill to do it the right way. Well, and it is, and it's something that is never quite mastered. I was spending some time with two close friends of mine who are brown belts and I kind of talked to them about how inadequate that I was feeling, you know, and discouraged and they're like, oh, and I thought they were going to lift me up and they're like, oh, that never goes away because they're in the same boat, you know, and then there was the black belt instructors who were saying the same thing that you can always learn that there's something always to improve on. And that this idea of mastery is where it's at. Although it might just be an unattainable goal because we can never become truly a master. We're always, or we should be at least always students learning and striving to grow and expand our current capacities. Of course. So in that Ryan, will you eventually compete? Is this going to be something that you're doing to weaponize your body or is this going to, you're going to step into some sort of competition? Both. Um, I, I do want to compete because I think that there is a lot of learning that goes on when you're actually competing.

Will you Compete (12:48)

You know, you can roll and you can train and you can grapple and you can do those things. And there's value certainly in that. But I think you get a can roll and you can train and you can grapple and you can do those things and there's value certainly in that but I think you get a very good and objective analysis of your skill set when you are competing so yeah I will compete I don't I don't know to what degree but I certainly will get involved with it a little bit more yeah absolutely and you know it's a thing that as as as adults that we just don't get a lot, you know, as kids we do, right? If we're in sports and I was in the military and there's a lot of opportunities to compete, even in schooling to a degree, you know, you'd look at your grades and you could look at that objectively and see where you are. But yeah, it's, as an adult, there's not a whole lot of opportunity for competition. And I think specifically men, maybe even more so than women, thrive on healthy competition. It's a really valuable asset in your arsenal to expand and grow.

Adapting to new circumstances (13:49)

Well, Ryan, that brings up an interesting question. Like I look at it for most of us men, this whole idea of competition, we get so linearly focused on whose bank counts the biggest, who's the most successful, like what car do you show up in? There's a really arbitrary, what I'll call dick measuring contest that goes on for the competition, post college, post grades, post everything. Who has the hottest wife, who has the most money, who's taking the most expansive trips. But really, I look at things, it sounds very similar to you, there's actually a four dimensional life to live and you're only in competition at some capacity with yourself and your previous day's best. Like for me, I want to make sure that my wife and my kid have the best life possible. That is a massive component of my level of success. I know you have kids and a wife. I don't give a damn how happy you are. I have to make sure that my happiness today is better than it was yesterday. Sure. Of course, same thing in my body as I'm weaponizing that in my spirituality. How do you adopt or navigate those waters in your life? I'll say order of man. What is your thought process into that for the listeners? How does that competition look? I certainly think that being aware of it like you are is the first component, that you have to be aware of the fact that you're not really against anybody. We live in a world that is so abundant that if you have X, Y, and Z, that doesn't necessarily take away from anything that I could potentially have. If it did, if resources were scarce, then sure. Yeah. It'd be a lot more competitive for those resources. We see this in ancient tribes competing over geography and of course, we still see some of that today but not nearly what it was. So, it's more of you, you know, how can you get better? And so, I'll go back to jiu-jitsu as I was rolling with these guys at this camp. Yeah, I wanted to win. I wanted to beat them, of course, because that's the point. But it's only to see where my current level is. So, when I was rolling with purple and brown belts and I was getting my butt kicked, that was an opportunity for me not to beat myself up but for me to recognize holes in my game. You know, I rolled with a buddy of mine, Kip, and he was destroying me. I mean, he would move on to the next move before I even had an opportunity to counter or react to the first one he threw on me. Yeah. And that to me exposed weaknesses and holes in my game that I need to shore up. And it's the same thing with life. You know, if you struggle in your business or you're struggling with fitness or you're struggling in a relationship, those are opportunities. If you have a system in place to do this, to recognize where you're weak, where you're falling short so that you can take care of those things. There's this really interesting thing and we all fall into it. It's this ego and it's this pride.

Overcoming ego (16:39)

We become so arrogant with who we are and what we can accomplish and we try to defend that. And what ends up happening is we completely close ourselves off to any blind spots that we might see and we get derailed or we get sidelined or we get surprised. None of this should be a surprise, but it is if you aren't open to the idea that maybe you don't have things figured out. Maybe there are some areas for improvement, but that takes a lot of humility to be able to recognize those weaknesses. And when you're humble, you have the opportunity to make yourself strong. Oh, absolutely. I mean, that's such a brilliant way to say that. And for the record, I need to put a little asterisk next to this.

The Power of Cooperation (17:18)

I'm not saying that we should all get participation trophies and that competition's bad. Like I think we should compete as much as we can. But to me, that competition, as Ryan just stated, starts internally. Like it just understanding where, as you're stating, you know, where the holes are in your arsenal and how to find people to help you backfill those. And some of that comes from the litmus test of true competition. Well, and competition can also be cooperation. You know, so I think a lot of the times we look at competition is I want to beat you and you want to beat me and there's This end result and I'm better than you because I beat you in whatever metric that we decided to measure But I don't entirely believe that's true either. I believe that competition in a lot of cases is actually Cooperation it's an opportunity for both of us to expand. So I'll give an example Let's say you and me we both have podcasts man to expand. So I'll give an example. Let's say you and me, we both have podcasts and we're buddies and we can compete in a healthy and productive way. And you look at my podcast numbers and they're higher than yours or yours are higher than mine or whatever. It doesn't matter. We can look at that and think, well, I want to, I want to have more than him. I want to have more than Ryan. And you're thinking, well, I want to have more than him. But at the same time, it's also cooperation because I'm sharing my podcast numbers with you. You're sharing podcast numbers with me. Now we can look at it and think, oh man, I didn't even realize that was possible. I remember when I looked at somebody's podcast download numbers right when I started Order of Man and they had received, it was probably like 30,000 downloads a month is what they were getting. And at the time I was like, how is that even possible? Like my mind was completely blown. And I'm thinking to myself like that's not even possible that they can do that. And because I was open to that, I saw that there was potential. And now, I mean, if we don't do significantly more than that, we're having a really low month. But when you look at what other people are doing that are further along the track than you, it gives you opportunities to expand your current level of thinking. Most of us just surround ourselves with the same scripts we've been telling ourselves forever, the same type of people who confirm the scripts that we're telling ourselves. And then we see somebody who's achieving some different level of success than we thought possible. And what do we immediately do? We discount it, right? We write it off as luck or fortune, or that individual just has something God given that I don't have and can never possess. And we discount that individual because we don't want to look at the fact that if we just worked a little harder or we were a little smarter or we engaged a little better, we could have not only that very thing, but something significantly greater than even what we aspire to currently. Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, it's just the conversation becomes easy because it's that, to me, it's that consistency in time under tension. Like again, you're 300 episodes episodes plus deep into your podcast i don't know if it's weekly bi-weekly and forgive me i just don't know the frequency in which you're releasing content but you know here i am this will be episode let's say 150 between you and i but i've went down the seven day a week path like this is just a consistent thing for me where i made a commitment to myself to hold myself accountable that i want to do this shit every day for four years straight, like just to see that I can do it. Now, maybe there's other guys doing that. Maybe there's not. I don't really know. But to see your level of success and literally everywhere that I turn, I see your name and face somewhere. And maybe that's good. Yeah, it's great. Right. I mean, that's what we're kind of in this for. Not from the ego side of things, but as we beat our drums, as I'll call it, our message becomes louder and more people hear it. And those people that want to follow the path that we're on organically come and stand shoulder to shoulder with us. But the more people that can hear it, give them the opportunity to stand next to us, at least the way that I view the world. And so in that, I look at you as this massively successful guy that I'm incredibly honored to have on my show based off consistency, what you're doing to change the lives of men, how you're adding valuable content every day and shit. So the listeners know you went all in on this to the fact of you sold your financial advising firm. I don't want to make sure I'm saying the right thing, but yeah, you went, you went all on the, not that you haven't been all in on order of man, but like you don't have a parachute anymore. Like that shit's cut. Like you're, you're in this to win it. I mean, you sold your company two, two months ago or so. Yeah. A couple of months ago. And you know, to do your point about parachute, there really are no parachutes. Like I think people think that, right. They think, oh, I have the security blanket, but man, we've, we've seen in 2008, 2009, when I got into the financial planning practice, everybody thought they were golden and they've got millions of dollars in their 401ks. And then they lose 50, 60% of the value of that just in a matter of weeks and months. People losing their jobs, people getting laid off and they think they're so set, so comfortable and so complacent in their lives that there are no parachutes. You know, that financial planning practice that I had, people could look at that and say, well, that's easy for you to shift over to order a man because you've got this residual income coming in and they consider it a parachute. It's not. I mean, that could go away, right? I could lose that business or get sued or anything else. And I think when we take the approach that there's no buddy or no system or no organization or no government that's going to come in to save us, that it's all upon us, we give ourselves permission to take greater risks. And every time I've taken a calculated risk, I'm not saying just be stupid, but a calculated risk in life, more often than not, they pay off. And even when they don't pay off, I learn which enhances my ability to take better, more calculated risks that pay off down the road. So yeah, I've been fortunate. I have been fortunate and sold that financial planning practice. And I've been full-time with Order of Man for two and a half, three years now. But I'm able to dedicate all of my time and attention and energy and resources to it now. And that's a good thing. It's a liberating feeling for sure. Of course. Of course. Now, if a listener is interested right now, where do they go get a little more information on Order of Man? We haven't even plugged that or brought it up yet. Order of Man.com? Yeah. No, I appreciate it. Order of Man.com is our headquarters. If you like podcasts, you're listening to one. So you can just search Order of Man wherever you listen to podcasts and you'll find us there. So between those two resources, you can track down everything that we're doing. Yeah. Now, how often are you getting groups together? Like walk us through a little bit. So I'm new to Order of Man. I come in.

What is The Order of Man? (23:31)

I opt into your list. I see what you have to check in, like check out. Walk me through what I can expect. Yeah. So, well, if you join, when we say Order of Man, I mean, it's hard because we're in so many different places.


And so I consider everybody who taps into it at some level is a member of order of man. So whether that's the emails or we've got 50,000 men in our Facebook group and we've got Instagram and Twitter and all these other accounts, right? That's the opportunities there. But we do other things too. We do live events. We do those twice a year. But those are very, very limited. We have 20 to 30 spots available for each one of those events and we have guys fly in for three and a half days and we just do some incredible, incredible experiences. In fact, we're doing the father-son one that you had mentioned earlier at the end of this month. So that's really exciting. And then we have a brotherhood as well which is more of an exclusive brotherhood and these are guys who have raised their hand and said, hey, I want a little bit more. I want to take this to the next level I want to do more than just talk about being a better man I want to apply this stuff in my life, and so we have weekly calls that we do they get on a 15-man battle team There's challenges. There's assignments. There's all kinds of stuff that we have there. That's called the iron Council Yeah, okay It's crazy that you brought up the order man Facebook group like I was a part of that group before I even knew who you were like, is that right? Oh, yeah, you know, I don't I don't know when I was originally brought into that or who invited me or how even found it but to think 50,000 people are part of a Facebook group and you can't if you're not familiar with marketing you being the listener You can't game that system like people have to want to be involved in a group Like you can't force your Facebook followers necessarily to join a group. Right. And if you do, they'll leave. So you'll lose everybody. Right. Right. And to see the consistent back and forth banter, I heavily encourage you, the listener, to go try to get into Order of Man's Facebook group. From the sheer fact of what happens is, or the way that I view the group, me, let's say I have a problem today. I have something I don't know how to figure out. I put in there my wife's being a bitch. She won't have sex with me. Maybe not in those specific terms. I watered down a little bit, but that's what I put in there. And eventually, you know, it bounces around from different men in the group. And I always see Ryan. I think I'll venture to say 100% of the posts that I've ever seen, you eventually comment somewhere in there and say, like, this is the way that you view that particular situation. Like, this is not some, you know, BS lead generation thing. Like, this is people with real problems are going in there looking for real solutions. And you have a poll of men or a group of men that are adding value to that. But at the end of the day, you as the moderator, you as the founder of the group, you also put your way more than two cents in. It's impactful. And that's the thing. I think a lot of people try to game that, right? Like they use the terms like, oh, it's a lead generation thing. Well, it is no doubt. Of course it is. That's where a lot of these guys come in and they learn about the events that we do and learn about the iron council and buy our products and our swag and everything else that we have going on, of course. But that's secondary. That's just the byproduct of engagement. So for me, it's, yeah, it's a business but it's a way of life. You know, it's an operating system for me and I want men to succeed. I love it when I get stories of guys who have lost 30 pounds or asked for a raise and got it or got a promotion or started their new business or, you know, they were really dealing with some bad situations in their marriage and they're salvaging their marriages and they're reconnecting with their, their wife. And I love getting messages like that. That is fuel for me. And so, yeah, I mean it's a business we've got to make revenue. Sure. But I just love being able to be a small catalyst in the lives of millions of men. You still there, Ryan? Yeah, I'm here. Sorry. I think I lost you for a minute. Can you hear me okay? Yep. We're back. We're good. Okay, cool. Sorry about that. So the beautiful part about our show too is I don't edit anything. So that little blip that you just heard, that is real time what actually happens. That's the way we roll together. That's right. That's good. Yeah. So I love the fact of just how you structure and how you view the world. Like, I mean, again, it's the fact that, of course, it's passively generation, but the methodology and mindset behind it is not to game the system, which is an analogy for me that I've covered on multiple podcasts. There is no gaming this damn system called life. Like you have to have an operating system to put yourself in what I call personal power to do things that you can accelerate your growth rate day over day. You have to get that from somebody. I don't care who it is. Like find it in the Bible. Find it from what Ryan teaches. Find it from Tony Robbins. I don't care where you get your stuff from. But do something to make your life better and then just keep running with it and keep recalibrating and keep for me split testing and optimizing, which go ahead, Ryan, you had something there. Yeah. I was just going to say, I think so many people are looking for hacks and gimmicks and the quick and they get rich quick and they lose weight and all of this and that. And you're probably going to experience some sort of temporary result with that. But I'm in this thing for the long haul, right? So I want, did I lose you again? No, I'm still here. The video's choppy, but audio's good. All right. You there? Yep. Man, I don't know what's going on. I don't know. Maybe that's my internet. Anyways. Yeah. I was just saying I'm in this thing for the long haul. So I'm not looking for the quick get rich program. I'm here looking for ways to what you said, optimize and recalibrate what's working, what isn't working and doing things for a long period of time. You know, we spent 20, 30, 40, 50 years getting us to where we are today.

Rocking the game for the last 3 years. (28:54)

And it's sad when you look at an individual who's been producing inferior results in their life. And I don't mean inferior by my or your standards. I mean inferior to their standard or what should be their standard, their potential if you will. And then they think or throw in the towel because they've been working out for two weeks and they haven't experienced the results that they want. You spent three decades building this pattern of negative habits that have produced obviously negative results. Give it some time. Be consistent. Figure out what works. Do it forever. Recalibrate when you need to, like you had said, and know that this is a long game. Absolutely. So Ryan, speaking of long game, when did Order of Man start?

WHATMEN (29:34)

When did that come to your mind? When did it launch? Well, we launched in March of 2015, so three and a half years roughly. I had thought about doing something like that probably for six months to a year prior. I started another podcast. So Order of Man wasn't my first podcast. I had a program called Wealth Anatomy because I'm a financial advisor like we'd been talking about. And Wealth Anatomy was a podcast geared towards helping medical professionals with their financial services. So I did about 20 episodes there and realized very quickly that I love the medium of podcasting, that I had a gift for being able to communicate ideas verbally with other people and having these conversations. But again, I quickly realized, man, I need to pivot. I need to have a different discussion than the financial discussion. And so I launched order of man podcast, March of 2015. And it took off. I mean, it really took off from day one. And I think that there's a lot of factors of course, but at the end of the day, it's the right message with the right messaging at the right time. And I hit stride pretty quickly because of those factors. Yeah. And, and the right intention, I call it what it is.

It was all intuition (30:46)

Sure. That's a good point. Yeah. God, the voice, I don't know what spirituality, what you believe in and how that governs your life or if it even has a role in it, but something told you inside your gut, that voice, that intuition go right. And eventually you started going right. And look where you sit three and a half years later, like this shit didn't like sure yeah you hit some run rate you got some successes you hit some probably some doubles or some triples but you're just now and it probably didn't feel like i mean this is an analogy for bjj like you probably don't even feel like you've really accomplished it yet right like i'm not even close like i'm not even close to the the capacity that that we could see with this thing yeah and here you have i mean at least a nationally probably a somewhat globally notable brand like this is not some sort of you know scratch paper basement idea now like 50 000 men involved in a facebook group is proof of concept for sure sure yeah you know it's just you're just not there like there is never i don't know where they're ever really good yeah where is there, right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So can you go back to that three and a half years ago? Do you remember some of your first messages? I still remember my first messages from people finding me on social media being like, I heard your podcast and it changed the way I thought about whatever it was.

The Core Fundamentals Of Personal Growth

It started with a rough breakup (31:54)

For me, my first podcast was talking about cheating on my who's my now wife and how that felt. I went deep down in that pit of despair of all the bad shit I'd been carrying around for years on my shoulders. I just word vomited in 15 minute increments and got rid of all that stuff. Do you remember some of those first conversations? Yeah. A lot of what I talked about initially was, was probably similar. Um, although it wasn't about infidelity or anything like that, but it was about the separation that I dealt with, with my, with my wife. You know, we went through a separation that lasted about four months, four months. That was roughly 10 years ago, just about. And, you know, for a long time, I blamed her, you know, how could she do this to me? Why was she disloyal? Why wasn't she doing the things that a quote unquote good wife should do? And I really spent a lot of time and energy trying to fix her. If only she would do this, if only she would change that, if only she would see the errors of her ways. And obviously looking back now that only drove a greater wedge between her and I. And I was driving down the road during our separation and I don't remember why I got thinking about this, but I do remember thinking to myself you know what this marriage is probably over and for the first time that that was a hard notion to wrestle with but for the first time I gave myself an opportunity to look at what I had done or failed to do and I started to take some of the responsibility on my shoulders not undue responsibility but certainly the responsibility that I that I had to play in the ultimate demise of our relationship. And what was really fascinating is as I began to take responsibility and accountability over the things that I had control over, and she would be the first to admit that she has her own stuff that she needs to work through as well. But there's nothing I can do about that. I can't change her. I can't force her to become a different person. I can influence other individuals, but I can't change them. I can't force her to become a different person. I can influence other individuals, but I can't change them. And I realized that the way we become influential is by changing ourselves and influences about people voluntarily deciding to be influenced. Right. And so I, I changed myself. I worked on myself and through a lot of time and effort and energy and working on myself, we ended lot of time and effort and energy and working on myself, we ended up salvaging our marriage and we celebrated 14 years this year and have four kids and things are good. 97% of the time. And the other three are just like any other marriage that we deal with, you know, but of course that's, that's what I learned. And that has always been at the foundation of what we share with order of man, which is take responsibility for yourself. Don't stop blaming your boss. Stop blaming your wife. Stop blaming the economy or the president or this or your parents. Start looking at the one factor that you have control over, which is you and focus on that and let the chips fall where they may. Yeah. So if you're listening, this is now the third, fourth, fifth, probably 15th guest on the show that says some sort of give or take same thing.

Dont blame (34:42)

So even if you don't like the way it comes out of my mouth, there's another guy with a phenomenal first name that has a very successful business that's showing you like no one is coming to save you. You are 100% in charge of your own life. Like, but that's it. Like you're not in control of somebody else's life. You're not in, like, sure, we can go down the rabbit hole of kids and all that stuff. But at some point, you have to take stock and value of who you are, what you are, and what you stand for and stand firm on something. Like, you have to be able to weather the storm with that. Yeah, and it's hard, man. It's hard. And I said this earlier. It's hard to say that you aren't pulling your weight in your marriage. It's hard to say that you haven't learned the necessary skills to be successful in business. It's hard to say that you're lazy and refuse to get off your ass to go into the gym and work out. That's nobody wants to say that about themselves. I don't want to say that about myself. And so what most people will do is they'll bury their head in the sand and pretend like those issues don't exist. Yeah. What the rare breed does is says, yeah, I am lazy or yeah, I am inadequate or no, I didn't learn what I needed to learn so that they can use that as the foundation, the bedrock for establishing new patterns and scripts and behaviors in their life. Yeah. I find it truly phenomenal to think about. Go back before all the social media influence we have now, before podcasts, before all this stuff became prevalent. There weren't easy resources to give people the ability to realize that they weren't alone. Like you said, you weren't given the tools to know how to operate an efficient and effective marriage because either you didn't have the example in your social circle, nobody wanted to admit the fact of what was actually going on. Like for me, I didn't have parents that had a functional marriage. I didn't have friends that like all my friends were cheating on their significant others. So it was just, and not justifying it away, but I didn't have that healthy script to read off of. And I didn't even know where the fuck to look. Like where does this exist at? Some fairytale land that somehow people are happy and everybody's successful and everybody's fulfilled. But I didn't know anybody that actually had that. Like, until things like you've created came out and made it much more easily accessible. Like, how do you weaponize your body? How do you fuel it the right way? How do you have a happy and successful marriage? How do you weaponize your body? How do you fuel it the right way? How do you have a happy and successful marriage? How do you raise independent-thinking children that are able to fend for themselves? This is a battle that goes on much deeper than just our conversation right now. To me, that's one of the downfalls to me of society. Most people aren't even aware that this can exist.

Ownership Jo thirdity (37:18)

I live in Columbus, Ohio, I'll travel around and just even inside our little, you know, 2 million person populace. The majority of people, when I started talking to them, like you can truly have everything you want in the world, like name something, you can have it guarantee you. Like they look at me like I have fucking three eyes. It's like, I have to be like, no, I literally have a very happy, like you said, 97, 98% of the time, my wife and I fucking get along perfectly. Our daughter's respectful. She doesn't talk back. She thinks for herself. She's educated. She's articulate. And not pounding my chest, but it's just I put in the fucking work to get to this point that I know I can stand up against damn near anybody. And it's, again, not that measuring, you know, dick measuring contest, but I'm really happy with what I've built so far. Yeah. contest but I'm really happy with what I built so far yeah I mean well and and maybe to the other side of that too is because I think sometimes we just fall on this this the fact that it is so easy and accessible but that doesn't mean people are gonna act on it and that's what I've seen sometimes it's it's actually the opposite that because it's so easy or so simplistic that people will overlook it right oh it couldn't oh it couldn't, oh, it couldn't be that easy. You're just telling me I have to take responsibility in my life. Oh yeah, no, it's not that. And so they'll completely dismiss it and they'll continue to play the victim card. And that's exactly what it is. And I think there's some people who just love to be victims and it's unfortunate. It really is. But if you at some point, and I've played the victim, look, we all have. And if at some point you've ever thought to yourself that there could be more, then that means you're playing probably the victim in some capacity. And you need to recognize it. You need to ask yourself where you are being the victim, where you've enjoyed maybe even or been rewarded. I think society even rewards victims. Well, absolutely. And with attention and resources and even money in some cases. Yeah. You could have that and you could live probably an okay life. But if you thought to yourself, man, there's got to be more. There's got to be more. And I remember waking up in the middle of the night, thinking to myself at times in my life, there's gotta be more, there's more to this. And I always felt myself in a way, and I know it's gonna sound funny, but in a way destined for something bigger and greater than I currently was living. And the only thing that was keeping me back from where I was and where I wanted to be was ownership, responsibility, taking charge of my life, sovereignty. That's why I wrote the book on it. And the only difference between where I am right now and what I ultimately want is that same idea, the same concept, more ownership, more accountability, more responsibility. And of course the time to let that play out. Right. Right. So really in some capacity, it sounds like the story that you were telling yourself for years that we all tell ourselves either not good enough, don't have the resources, playing the victim card until you break that down and can put a new spin on it. As I call it, create a new frame to carry around. Like you're looking at the world through a frame you're holding up in front of your face that you're not operating at the maximum capacity you're capable of. Like at some point you have to rebuild that frame.

Eliminate complacency (40:25)

If you want more, you have to, you don't, you aren't that. That's the thing about society is that you aren't required to do that for yourself anymore. Yeah. If you don't do it, the ramifications of not pursuing more meaningful endeavors and taking accountability are not nearly as severe as they were 50, a hundred, a thousand years ago. There were times where if you weren't pulling your weight, you would be ostracized from the tribe and you would die. But anymore, nothing's going to happen. Someone's going to pay your mortgage. Someone's going to give you food and you're going to be okay. It's going to be fine, which is the enemy. Complacency is the enemy. It's very easy to fall into this default status quo and just be okay. I'm not okay with being okay. And I would argue that most people who are listening to your podcast are not okay with being okay because they wouldn't be pursuing information to get them out of or further along the track. That's why they're here. So the first step is stop playing the victim, own it, own all of it, own everything you possibly can and give yourself time through the right actions to manifest the results that will produce themselves. Yeah. Well, Ryan, I know your time is limited and valuable. Of course, we all need to respect each other's time and space. So in every episode of 15 Minutes of Freedom, I ask the guest to share an impactful lesson from their life and what they've learned from it. And then we apply it to your body and your business and your relationship. We try to make it all encompassing. What's one of those stories? And again, you've got a podcast and you're an open book, so it's pretty tough. But most guests have that deep, dark secret they've never told and they end up using this again cathartic message to get it out but i'm not going to assume you have that but what's some of the listeners can take away from a mistake you've made in your life something you're not necessarily that you've taken ownership of that you wouldn't be necessarily proud of yeah i mean the the relationship is certainly one of those things that story i shared with my my relationship certainly um one of the stories i i story I shared with my relationship, certainly. One of the stories I, because somebody asked me something similar the other day, and I thought about my time in the military. I spent some time in Iraq in 2005 and 2006. And I was responsible in those situations for decisions that were going to be ultimately impacting people's lives. that we're gonna be ultimately impacting people's lives. And that was a challenge in many ways. But the thing that I walked away from that experience of is that coming back into civilian life after my time in the service and the time in Iraq is that the things that we worry about are completely ridiculous. You know, the things that I see people get consumed with and wrapped up in and where and who we decide to give our attention to is ridiculous. I came back and one of the most disheartening things for me was to see what people were so riled up about. And it was crazy stuff. Like somebody cut them off on the road and would have completely ruined their day. Or somebody, you know, said a name or somebody didn't get their order right at the fast food place and they were all pissed off and decided to throw a temper tantrum. And I thought to myself, you've got to be kidding me. These are the things that you're worried about? And that opportunity that I had to deal in life and death type situations made me realize that some things just don't matter. And the things that we give our attention to, I would be willing to bet that 80 to 90% of those things aren't relevant in our lives. And they aren't doing a thing to move the needle. Like when people talk about what Netflix movie they're watching or the Game of Thrones season or what new video game is the latest video game or what actor or celebrity or personality we're supposed to be mad at this week. It's infuriating. Like man, imagine for just a second if you took half of the energy that you spend consumed on that trivial bullshit and you engaged in your own life. You engaged in yourself, you engaged in your business, your wife or your husband, your children, your health. What would life look like for you? So for me, that was an eyeopening experience to see that the way that we spend our time, attention, energy, and resources truly matters. And to get rid of the things that don't move the needle so we can focus on the things that do.

Motivation And Personal Development

Move the needle and serve yourself (44:35)

Yeah. And I think that's just the perfect segue into the fact of you and your life right now, where are you giving attention to shit that doesn't benefit you? Like I say, eliminate the stuff that doesn't serve you. So anything that doesn't serve you in your business as you go about your day, whether you're an entrepreneur or an entrepreneur, you work for somebody else, you work for yourself, there's things that consume your day inside the four walls that don't move the needle forward for you in that business. If you don't systematically cut them out like cancer, you're not doing yourself a service. You're not going to grow as quickly as you could. Same thing when it comes to your body. Only because Ryan brought up the fact of fast food, if you're fueling your body with shit, if you are literally not serving yourself good quality food, you're not serving yourself in the way your body's going to operate. And same thing in a relationship. If you're not dedicated and diligent to expanding the capacity based off of eliminating the nonsense around the outside, eliminating what other people are doing, what's on TV, fully being present in the moment with your family, again, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, kids, stepkids, don't care what they are. If you're not truly present for them, you need to cut out the cancer. You need to get rid of the things that aren't serving you on a day-over-day basis. So, Ryan, I appreciate your time today. I appreciate the energy. I appreciate – I mean, it seems like two Ryans make a right here. That's right, man. That's right. As funny as that sounds because, I mean, the message you share and truly what you stand for is so impactful. And I hope that you continue – I know you will continue to share that with the world and I'm gonna continue to consume it So I appreciate you and appreciate your time today. Thanks for being on right on brother. Thanks for the opportunity I've been looking forward to having this conversation and following you and seeing what you do I mean, I'm inspired by what you're doing as well. So Glad to know you glad to be on the show. Appreciate it brother, man. Thank you very much listeners I encourage you when you follow the advice that ryan shared on this this episode you'll see every day day over day you're able to get shit done you

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