Episode 154 Ryan & Lindsay - Getting Attention From the Opposite Sex | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 154 Ryan & Lindsay - Getting Attention From the Opposite Sex".


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Intro (00:00)

I'm Ryan Nidell, host of 15 Minutes to Freedom, your daily action guide to getting shit done. Today is my favorite day of the week, the day I have my wife in the studio. Say hello, Lindsay. Hi, everyone. She is distracted looking at her fucking phone. I'm going to throw that shit on the ground. I mean, first of all, shut your mouth because you did that to me the last time we recorded a podcast, but I was actually putting it on do not disturb so it doesn't start buzzing in the middle of our podcast. That's kind of you, but flip it over and throw it on the ground so you're not distracted. This is important. Okay, man, you're not distracted. This is important. Okay. Man, you're aggressive today. I am aggressive. If you want to see the behind the scenes on this, hop on YouTube right now, youtube.com forward slash Ryan Neidell. You'll see what my wife looks like dicking around with her phone. That's right. With that being said, today's episode is... That being said, today's episode is getting attention from the opposite sex while you're in a marriage. So admittedly, we had no grounds for, no basis for conversation for this podcast. We came to the studio. I wanted to talk about Lindsay being Italian, and she shit all over that. I just, I poo-pooed that a little bit, because I don't think that it's like a whole podcast to talk about how I'm Italian. I mean, well, what are you? We did genetics testing on you. You're like a complete mutt. Yeah. And? So, like, there was like a large percentage of what? Eastern European, was it? Yeah, Scandinavian, Norwegian, whatever. So we talk about you being extra Scandinavian? I mean, we could. I mean, it's different because as an Italian, you're opinionated and you fly off the handle and you have all these emotions, all these things going that are like super relevant stories to anybody that's out there listening right now. But you don't want to cover that, so fine. I mean, we can cover it if you want to. It's too late. We've already named the episode. You are messing this up. Well, in a future podcast, I guess it's going to be about dating an Italian, married to an Italian, living with an Italian.

Interaction Dynamics

Are you pandering to my ego (02:10)

Yeah. Okay. You've been getting hit on lately that I don't know about? All the time. If you could see the look on her't know about? All the time. Oh. If you could see the look on her face when I said all the time, like there's this wide-eyed, like, wait, is there something she doesn't really know about? And then there's a momentary panic, and then there's laughter. There's no momentary panic. Pander to my ego a little bit. I mean, Christ, it's fragile. No, I mean, I don't doubt that women hit on you all the time. I'm just not worried about it. That's the Italian confidence going on. There it is. Everything can be spun around to the Italian. Okay, enough with the pandering back and forth. I mean, she's literally like licking the microphone. She's a mess. Quit touching it. I mean, I spanked my hand a little. If you've heard feedback in your speakers, I'm sorry. It is not me. It's the amateur in the room. Even though. That's right. That's right. You are on something today. I'm sorry, it is not me. It's the amateur in the room, even though. That's right. You are on something today. I'm on it right now.

Lindsay needs her own podcast (03:08)

This is humor hour with Ryan and Lindsay. Although I believe that Lindsay needs to come up with her own podcast. I mean, it's going to completely screw up our entire workflow, but I think that once or twice a week at least she should come in and start recording a podcast to build her own brand. So as we go down this path, guy or girl, don't really care. If you want to hear Lindsay have her own podcast, drop us a comment on social media. Drop us a review. Send us an email. Ryan at GSD Media Group. Whatever it is. Actually, it doesn't really matter if you like it or not because she's going to come out with one. Yeah, I've already had a lot of requests for it. But there's been some things that I have to say myself. So I might as well do it. Yeah. You can figure out all this stuff that's right and then you can no longer say it's amateur hour dick well I mean I'm just calling it like I see it right now so so in that you know let's just jump right into this stuff so obviously part of dating anybody being married to someone you know courting somebody being engaged to someone, you know, courting somebody, being engaged to somebody is having that person garnish a certain amount of attention from the opposite sex. And from the way I view it, my wife is hot. Like I think she's gorgeous. Thanks, babe. You're welcome. I'm not saying it because you're in front of me. I mean, I feel that way most of the time. Almost all the time. Most of the time. Yeah, there's been a few occasions during a stomach flu or something that probably wasn't looking my best. I mean, whatever. We walk right past that. I mean, she's ratchet sometimes. But in that, you know, I am not the only person on the planet that thinks she's attractive. Just not.

Good seeing you! Same to you! (04:38)

And she's in there like smiling and shrugging her shoulders until I put a decent size ring on her, on her finger. I mean, thank you. I mean, sure. Nonetheless, a ring that you could see from across the room. And even then, I mean, I was a guy that I didn't care when I was, I mean, I was never really single, but I didn't care. Like I would hit on a married woman. I had no, I mean, you get hit on by married, like it doesn't matter that you have that on.

Being a Respectful Male (05:09)

Yeah, that's true. Men, I mean, a respectful man cares, but like. Well, you gotta, I mean, to me, casting the fishing line into the water to see if there's a nibble is all right. Like there's plenty of married women that aren't happy. Oh, for sure. I see that a lot. I mean, I see it in the gym like daily. Yeah. I mean, if you're making eye contact or something like that and I walk up and say hello, just because of a wedding ring on, I mean, it's not like I'm asking you to come home and hook up with me. Right. But to see what's going on. For all I know, you still have that on, but you're in the process of going through a divorce or you're just not loyal or whatever widow and i haven't been able to take it off yet see look at the possibilities you put a good spin on that i never thought about the widow card yep but you get hit on i mean a lot and i remember admittedly never being all that insecure with you when i was super insecure with every other woman. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, you've never said that to me before. And why would that be? Why? Because I'm way hotter than any of your other girlfriends. And humble as well. Incredibly, incredibly humble. I had to say it. It was like that huge open door. Of course. Of course. Probably because with you, and I feel remiss to always put the asterisk into the first six months of our relationship, but across the board, like I've just been in it to win it with you. Like I've even when I was going through my mental masturbation, I'll call it of past relationships and trying to figure that out and how that looks and is structured. Like when I stopped being a dirtball myself, I stopped really thinking that you were ever going to be a dirtball to me. stopped being a dirt ball myself, I stopped really thinking that you were ever going to be a dirt ball to me. That's funny because usually cheaters are the ones that are constantly insecure and accusing their person, their partner of cheating. Continue. What do you mean? So I get what you're saying, but like, yeah, if, if, if I'm cheating on you, but you don't know I'm cheating on you and I feel some kind of guilt, shame, insecurity, for whatever reason that might be, and you are in the kitchen doing something on your phone, and I come around the corner, and you put it down. You could be doing nothing but wanting to turn around and say hello to me. But typically, the cheater in me is like, oh, he must be doing something typically because it's I'm doing something like have you heard that before of course so they they try to put their shame and guilt onto you and spin it around that you're the cheater you're the liar you're doing something you shouldn't be doing so I'm surprised to hear you say that as the cheater that you were never worried that I was going to cheat or lie or I mean you're not you never tried to put that kind of crap on me I mean I get the fact that eventually we'll work through this to the point that you don't hold that animosity it could take some time what I'm literally saying to you woman is that like take the first six months out and yes I was cheating on you but I wasn't like I know it's a screwed up justification but I truly looked at it in that time like I was in another relationship when I met you. So in my mind, I was cheating on the other person with you. Screwed up or not. And then eventually that story got debunked because of, you know, everybody meets and I still don't learn my lesson. And then it switches. But, like, once that stopped, there's nothing else in my life that ever went down that path. Yeah. Like, I was just in this. True. And so I never really thought about it. And during those first six months, you were still legally married. Oh, we were a complete shit show. Yeah, I'm not attacking. This is just factual. Like you were still married. Sure, I was hedging my bets. I wasn't sure if you were going to completely leave or not. You had some reservations about completely stepping away because of Gianna. I mean, there were just things that went on. Right. And we got to the point where, of course, literally, it's like the third or fourth night we're in our house together. And that's when I come home and she's like, look, I know you're still an asshole. Yeah, well, you're right. I mean, your friends that caught me are 100% truthful. Like, nobody's lying here other than me. So what are we going to do about this? And that was really like the breaking point. And so it was a combination of all those events. But all this stuff is unique because in every other past relationship, I'd just been super, like, at some point insecure. And I'm sure it was because of the things I was doing myself. Right. I mean, I would think that to be true. Of course.

Intimacy Appreciation (09:24)

But then there's you. And I wasn't I just wasn't insecure. And as you said, I would find you to be much more attractive than anybody I dated before. Well, thank you. That's fair. I mean, I was saying that to joke around, but I mean, before you had a ring on your finger, we would be out and I would go to not out to get drunk or anything like that, just like out to dinner or, you know, having a casual drink on a Saturday at 6 p.m. or something like that. Like not we've never been like late night bar people. No. But I would step away to go to the bathroom. And when I would come back, there would be somebody talking to you that wasn't a female. Yes.

What defines me still getting hit on? (10:01)

Like I'm like, get the fuck out of here like that's been that way a majority of my life why though it's like you're putting out the vibe you're trying to get it i don't know why i don't know why because i don't think i put out any kind of a vibe but who the hell knows doug at this point on the youtube video, I want to see an eggplant emoji. Yeah, that's right. Lindsay just puts out the vibe. She's looking for eggplants. She's collecting eggplants. If there were still video games that I played, I would want to design one where some woman goes around. It's like a Mario game, except... Like Pac-Man and eats all the eggplants? Well, she wouldn't eat them. She'd just go collect them. No, I don't know if I put out some kind of vibe or something. I'm a friendly person, but not always. I usually have a major resting bitch face. I don't know. I don't know why. I certainly am not like looking around making eye contact with people. I typically just keep to myself unless it's somebody I know. Yeah. Hmm. I don't know. How's the DM game been? It's been like non-existent. I mean. When did that stop? I mean, our social media has always been very appropriately heavy in our partner. Like. Yeah. I was just going to say. It's never been a thing. There's nobody that would look at my profile and think, oh, this chick is totally available. Like. No. My husband's on there. My daughter's on there. totally available. Like, no, my husband's on there. My daughter's on there. Our dogs are on there. Like our life's on there. Yeah. So there's nothing about my social media profile, Facebook, Instagram, any of that that would say, hey, please send me inappropriate pictures in my inbox. Yeah. But when's the last time the DM like. Oh, it's been a long time. I mean, really, I think most people that follow you and follow me know us. Or obviously, if they're following me because they know you and want to see what I'm up to, then they obviously know I'm your wife. So I really don't get any inappropriate DMs. It's been a long time, like months. Now, granted, we've been together four and a half years. And Lindsay's frame of reference is it's been a half years and there's always a frame of references it's been a long time it's been months honestly i think that half the stuff that comes through anymore is spam like i think it's like bots and artificial profiles yeah i i don't think that any of that is for real i i've certainly never received a message in any recent time that it's like oh you have 55 mutual friends and you could be like six degrees of separation from this person. I've, you know, I've never had anybody that knowingly knows that you and I are together or a couple or knows me or knows you to come into my inbox and hit on me. Like that would just be stupid.

He tried hitting on you,end (12:39)

I would blast you on social media. I mean, that is not completely true. You've had at least one person that I can think of that has cast the fishing line just to – not even a fishing line maybe. He's peering out. He's on the dock. He's tipping his toe in the water to see if the lake is even frozen because at this point, the shit should be frozen like concrete and over. But he's not positive because apparently the concrete looks like blue ocean. Apparently the giant ring on my finger said I might still be considering going out with somebody else. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I forgot about that person. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But really, I mean, I don't get anything consistent at all. You do, though. Not now. You did for a while. I mean, that's how you got into like having conversations with porn stars because this guy is like, I really would like to, man, you look familiar. How do I know you? Like that is the worst pickup line on the planet. You look familiar. Time out. So I sold slash ran a Mercedes-Benz dealership in Dublin, Ohio. A car dealership. In that car dealership, I met a phenomenal amount of people. The owner of Victoria's Secret, the owner of Limited Brands. Yeah. The model that I'm friends with. I know. We've been down this list. I've met a lot of really unique people. Between that and the luxury dealership across the street, Midwestern Auto Group. I've met a lot of really unique people between that and the luxury dealership across the street, Midwestern Auto Group. And so in this, I see this woman on Facebook with like 85 mutual friends that says she's from Dublin. Dublin, the city that I used to live in. Yeah, I know. I was friends with her too on social media. Lindsay's friends with her too. Okay. So the same girl, blonde, don't remember her name at this point. Not trying to hide it. I just don't remember it. It's been now many, two, three years now at least. And so I see that and I see, like she was just in Columbus or something because there's like our real estate agent friends, the ones that were in ACN or are in ACN, were commenting back and forth on her picture and all this stuff and I'm generally curious, no, it was not appropriate, but I was curious, like, do I know you? Like, Columbus or Dublin or this part of town that we live in is not that big, especially when you look at 40, 50, 60 mutual friends.

Why did it come up at Thanksgiving? (14:39)

And this was probably like early, no, it was 2015 at least. Yeah, well, it was Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah, yeah, it was Thanksgiving. And so there's this woman, and I asked this too. I said, you know, explain the whole thing. Like, probably explain in depth, but something along the lines of worked in the car dealership from Dublin. Yeah, you had this on the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, I'm not trying to run from this at all. It's just, and then she says, like, I'm an adult film star. Like, I do porn or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, I don't. But then my husband, I will tell you. I know he hates it when I don't hate it like if you do porn I want to interview oh my god he we were in Vegas and he's like Kurt's in the background like laughing we're in Vegas and he's like oh my god I know that porn star I'm like okay of course you would absolutely of course you would know of course you know the porn star and he's like I just want to talk to her like he is so interested in the psyche that goes into women and men maybe I don't know that would talk to a man to be openly okay with having sex with typically strangers for money on film yeah I'm just and like where the mindset is that that is like you're comfortable with that as your lifestyle I will 100% interview at least one adult film star on this show. I know, and I'm not even mad at it. I'm like, I'm curious about it too, but like you take it to the next level because you're just like fascinated. And obviously, I mean, I've been looking at porn or how do you want to say it? Porn has been in my life since a very young age. And I'm just, I want to just have a conversation, not a conversation like I want the woman to be in a sweatshirt. I don't want her to have stage makeup on like she can have a hat pulled down. It has nothing to do with physically like seeing her attributes or having any sort of sexual interaction with her. I've never cared about that. Oh, I know. I want to just really know like conversationally like. How did you get to this point? Yeah. And not in a judgmental way. Just I'm genuinely. I know. Curious. And that like when I see the woman from Dublin and that was part of the conversation I had back before through like do your parents still live in Dublin like why did you come home she's like yeah my mom and dad still live you know wherever in the city and I'm remembering bits and pieces of this conversation not all of it but like I'm I'm like floored and I want to go so far down this rabbit hole and again we cover this on I cover in another podcast where it happens to be Lindsay's intuition is firing off and she ends up taking a look because you know, I shared, especially after being caught, like I shared all my social media stuff with her so she could log in and look at anything. And she's like sitting there watching me have this conversation. I happen to be like just going down in a grand central station to pick up my buddy to then drive down to drop him off in Philadelphia and then come see her and her family down in D.C. And like she's calling me incessantly, but I can't get any service. Like I don't know that she's calling me. So I come up topside and I just get blasted. Yeah. Like super unhappy. It was just super inappropriate because that was extremely disrespectful and I smacked you around for it. I don't play that game. I don't disagree about the disrespectful part. Now I think it would be a little bit different. Well, now it's different because I would actually know what was going on. But like we had just come off the backside of your nonsense. It was a year removed. Yeah. Well, you know, still. It still stings. But I'm saying it wasn't like just. It wasn't like two weeks earlier. Either way. Don't. How's that boat backpedaling? Is it good? I'm not backpedaling any boat. Row, row, row your boat, bitch. I'm keeping going forward. I'm not going anywhere. I'm saying, time out. Wait, wait. If you know an adult film star, don't care male or female, don't care what level of the game they play in, like contract star with the biggest company I mean I don't want to I'd like it to be someone that has some sort of name like I don't want to know your cousin that lives in a basement maybe or may not have all of her teeth yeah basement in Jersey or something that she flies out every once a while and turn tricks like that's not what I'm looking for at all I want to have a conversation with somebody so if you know a film star of some this is opening the boxes you brought it up I'm just walking through the door you said With somebody. So if you know a film star of some capacity. Oh, this is opening Pandora's boxes.

Ryans game of researching people (18:25)

The box is open now. You brought it up. I'm just walking through the door. You said it to start with. Lord, help me. Email me. Ryan at GSDmediaGroup.com. God damn it. You're going to be a part of this interview, too. Oh, for sure. Absolutely. It's all right.

Is Ryan still getting creepy messages (18:58)

But wait a minute. Let's get back to the original point here. You now have a major social media platform you obviously have an enormous platform with this podcast are you now still receiving creepy messages from women trying to see what you even then I didn't I elicited that that interaction she didn't reach out to me that was me reaching out to her right so I So I can't say that. And I every once was funny. I didn't even know this feature still existed on Facebook. I get I get poked every once in a while. What is that? So and so poked you. And I look and every time it's some like fake porn profile. Yeah. They're bots. Yeah. Whatever it is. And so, you know, I decline the poke or whatever that stuff is. I can't say, you know, short of like this morning, Lindsay and I are boxing at our gym. Like she's come and started boxing with me two days a week in the morning. Not physically with me, but goes with the same trainer. Yeah, no one's ever going to hit me. Like I don't want to be hit. No, she's learning with me. But there is a woman that comes in afterwards a couple times a week. Maybe one. I don't know how often she comes. I'll say twice a week. And my boxing coach, like I had brought up the fact that I know this woman's looking at me too long. Yeah. Oh, and I've seen it and I don't blame her. Like I don't, I don't begrudge anybody that's checking you out. You're freaking hot. I get it. I'm proud that my husband is hot. I'm not mad at it. Like check him out. You can't take him home, but you can check him out all day long. I mean, thank you. So some of this, like when it's coming on the backside of boxing, I never know to set the frame.

externe validation (20:23)

I don't do my hair or anything like that before boxing. So my hair is all over the place. I think you look cute like that. I appreciate that. But I'm soaked with sweat, like literally from the top of my shirt all the way to the bottom. Like I can take it off and wring it out. Yeah, it's nasty. It's I can't imagine I smell all that great. I probably don't smell horrible, but like I've been sweating for at least an hour straight. Yeah. And so I don't know originally, fully, is this woman looking at me like, what's wrong with this guy? This guy's sweating profusely and he looks like he's about to die? Yeah, is he dumping water on himself? What's up with him? But then it clicks because I've been out of the game for a little while, a couple years. I'm not looking for external adulation or validation. I'm like, man, this chick is looking a little bit long. Get it, girl. Yeah, thank you. And so as I was picking up my boxing trainer, he said some car things go on, so I've been picking him up in the mornings. And I just ask him, like, man, there's's a woman don't know her name don't care explain the woman what's her deal like some something's something's up there and he's explaining to me like yeah you know maybe she went through a divorce a couple years ago and maybe she's experiencing all that life has to offer is the way that he's phrasing it. I'm like, all right, I get it. And I said, well, this is happening last Friday. That was the last day I picked him up. So he's not able to box Monday morning. So we're there today. Lindsay and I are. And it's just this recalibration where this same lady happens to be in there. And so I strike up a quick conversation in front of Lindsay my wife like start talking about our our daughter our daughter and our family making sure that like it's very obvious because when we're boxing like we don't have wedding rings on or anything like that like it's from the outside who knows it's not like we're playing patty cake together like right we could just be two people that happen to be boxing at the same time so we instantly shut that down because for me now, like there's been this complete shift in the way that I view life. Like I will never do something that, number one, I would never do something to disrespect you, but I'll never do something that could be viewed from someone on the outside to be disrespectful. Right. Like if someone doesn't know us, they're like, oh, like I've seen Ryan talking to this woman. Right, that was Lindsay's husband talking to this woman. It didn't look appropriate. Yeah. So it's very easy. Like I'm just like you. I'm friendly. I will talk to anybody. Yeah, oh yeah. I'll talk to everybody. Like that's who I am. That's always who I've been. But if I don't bring up my wife or don't bring up our daughter, because it doesn't make sense, like I don't force it down people's throat like a weirdo. I obviously wear a wedding ring all the time I at least get in the car and call you and say hey I just saw so-and-so or I just had this conversation with this person yeah like there's not this conversation that ever happens like quietly behind the scenes where all of a sudden Lindsay's crazy bat signal that she has that is like the beacon light that shines on me when I've been a douchebag like she that doesn't ever go off I don't have to worry about that well I just I think for both of us and I think it's a good rule in any relationship if you're having a conversation whether it's face-to-face through text phone conversation whatever it is if whatever you're saying to that person is not something that you would say to them in front of your spouse you should not be having that conversation. You should not be saying those things. That's fair. That's fair. And if you find yourself seeking that external validation or adulation, in the moment, you might get caught up in the heat of battle. Sure. We've all been there before. Everybody's human. But when you get back to the quietness of your own mind, I would encourage you to start trying to establish why that is. What is lacking in your relationship that you're needing that? And then how can you address that with the person that you're spending time with? Don't care if you're married, dating, single, like, you know, just dating people. Right. Engaged. That deficiency until you start to conquer it is always going to be there and just will manifest itself into a bigger propensity. Like it'll just get worse. Yeah. Then you have a serious issue. And I understand like external validation for some people on just a normal human level.

grocer store etiquette (24:28)

I mean, there's a difference between feeling good as a man or a woman and be like, oh, you know, I feel comfortable with myself today. I feel like I look good. Like I've taken care of myself. And to have somebody check you out in the grocery store aisle and be like, okay, you know, I'm feeling it today. Oh, you get hit on all the time in the grocery store. I get hit on all the time in the grocery store and like places like lowe's and home depot and like they follow me around it's weird which is why i carry a gun with me all the time yeah you had a guy like looking at you and lowe's or home depot or something just a few weeks ago here yeah you know playing a little pocket pool right yeah to the the point where the lowe's person, the worker there, was very kind, and he noticed that this guy had been following me around for a while, and he decided that he was going to walk me to the front of the store after I checked out and make sure that I saw, or he saw me get to my car okay. Yeah. Which, you know, I told him, I can handle myself, but I truly appreciate that. But those are one of the reasons that we went to all the CCW training and the tactical training and all that. But those are one of the reasons that we went to all the CCW training and the tactical training and all that. Like, yeah, I mean, I will not hesitate to shoot you if you try to touch me.

Safety & Responsibility Measures

Conceal and Carry classes (25:30)

Super side note, like Lindsay, when her and I got together, I have had guns for as long as I can recall. Like it's just been, I remember my first gun in college. And when we first got together, she was super not nervous about guns because she'd been around them, but she wasn't sure about having guns in the house based off having her daughter, our daughter. Well, that and my parents have a very big stigma about guns in the house. My dad witnessed his younger cousin shoot and kill himself with playing with a gun in the house that wasn't locked up appropriately. So we always, my grandparents on both sides had guns. Um, and my dad has always been a major no, no on having guns in the household. He doesn't like them. So I grew up with that, with both sides of that. And then I was obviously unsure with having G in the house, but we have them appropriately locked and guarded and safe. Yeah. But in that I've forced the issue as I so often do. And I'm an extremist. Go figure. I mean, this podcast is seven days a week. Like I don't know how to do anything with moderation. So what ends up happening is we go take a conceal and carry class, which in Ohio is a little bit of a joke. Like you can literally get your conceal and carry in like a couple hours if you wanted to. If you can pass a written test and hit a normal-sized sheet of paper from 10 feet away, you pass. Well, that to me, I get it. You get your little state certification. No different to me than driving a car. Just because you know how to make a car not veer off the road doesn't mean you should go out and race. I want to be able to race, just like I want to be able to do everything with our guns in an ultra-protective manner. So we ended up taking, what, four or five rounds of defensive... It was five. Five rounds of defensive tactical training for handguns. And honestly, I loved that part, and I was all on board with it because I wanted to make sure that I could handle the weapon appropriately and safely in all aspects because if I'm going to be responsible for carrying something like that, I need to be responsible in all aspects to know how to use it appropriately. Absolutely. So we spend countless hours. I mean, this is like every Saturday for months, passing these trainings where we have to be out on the other side of town at like 8 o'clock in the morning. It doesn't wrap up until 12 or 1, which great like a lot of fun tons of education tons of information but makes us very comfortable and capable with handguns you know and we just got to the point of starting to do like two gun stuff with using an ar-15 and yeah pull their path i mean the ar ends up being a little bit of an overkill like we bought an ar-15 because i'm actually really good with the ar yeah it seemed to make sense for some reason it was right when obama was talking about banning guns like he didn't he was going to ban ar-15s with some of the school shootings and i i understand that like that's a that's another polarizing thing and that's there's no need to have an ar-15 no which is exactly why we bought one correct because which Because you're an extremist. Well, exactly.

AR-15 (27:59)

And so we have this AR-15 that we've shot once. Once or twice, yeah. Twice, yeah. And we just never, it didn't make sense to figure out how to do two-gun training because I don't really, like, I should probably sell the AR-15. Like, it just sits locked up in a box. Yeah. I know where it's at just loosely. Like, it's tucked away behind a bunch of stuff. Yeah. Hidden locked. So I digress on this really strange path of talking about guns. Well, the point was that I, yeah, I mean, regardless of how you feel about guns, if you are a single, I mean, I was a single mom, single woman walking around with my small child. walking around with my small child and most of the time even when I was married previously I was by myself with my small child and I had enough of people following me or stalking me around a store or falling into my car or whatever it may be or taking pictures like I needed that extra yeah there's something and it's been reported a lot like a Polaris mall here locally there people taking pictures of like kids and women um following them into bathrooms just all kinds of stuff and like I just will not be a victim like that because you have to have situational awareness which my daughter she's so terrible at it I'm also not great at it atrocious like it's not even close to it it is scary how bad she is. Only trumped by your daughter. Man, we're spinning off something.

Not being a victim (29:48)

We're not spinning off. This is relevant right now. Your such awareness is trash. Well, I'm getting better and I'm working on it. But the point was is that I got the gun because I've been followed so many times that I just needed that reassurance that if somebody was going to attack me and try to kidnap me or my daughter or something, that I had a way to defend myself appropriately. And I'm going to encourage all the women that listen to this or men, if you have a woman in your life, like think about it for just a second. I'm biased. Whether you like guns or don't like guns, I am a 260 pound man. And I know I'm on the larger side of most men. I'll just say the average guy is 200 pounds. By the sheer way that most of us have trained or lived our lives we are more athletic and more capable of snatching a woman doing bad stuff to her than the other way around if you value your woman's life like go take her to a handgun class and teach her how to use one just in case or go find somebody that will teach you how to use a taser or a stun gun like i would hate to see something bad happen to someone because of lack of preparation there's some situations you can't avoid like if lindsey's man he's he's getting phone calls in the middle of podcast as he was yelling at me for having my phone out now his is ringing so what ends up happening is my phone it rings all the time but then i had my bluetooth thing plugged into my charger and i didn't shut my bluetooth off so i can hear it so if you heard the ring in the background this is a wreck yes this is a train wreck as an episode but this is this is really really acropo for how our life is it's like this random accumulation of just oh and honestly this is how we like conversations sit at the dinner table or on the couch in the evening and this is how our conversation goes like we get on something and then we spin off to something else and it just like keeps going all the time yeah yeah but we, but we can bring this back all the way back to home base right now. We can talk still about people being in our DMs and people that were hitting on us. And how you feel about that. I really just think it goes back to the point that if you are insecure about something or you feel that you're looking for external validation from the opposite sex, find out what the reason is. or you feel that you're looking for external validation from the opposite sex, find out what the reason is, especially if you're in a relationship. Because those kind of things, they slowly erode at the relationship because you're obviously looking for that much external validation because you're not getting it inside of your own relationship. So then it spins off to a communication issue with your partner. You need to make sure that you're having open communication about why you're needing to have the attention from the opposite sex. It's an insecurity with you. It's an insecurity with your partner. It's an insecurity between the relationship or you're not getting what you need, but you have to vocalize about those things. Be an adult about it and speak up rather than hurt the other person by doing something inappropriate or putting something where it doesn't belong. I mean, I feel like Lindsay's going to knock her mic off the stand right now and walk out of the podcast.

Lindsays thoughts on associations (32:48)

Smack it and done. Mic drop. It's over after that. No, but you saying that brought up something else in my mind. Your associations matter. Oh, yes. We've talked about that before. Yeah. Lindsay used to run around with a group of people that had a different moral compass than she had. Not good or bad. I truly am more and more as I progress in life. I don't really believe in right and wrong. It's more of what serves you and what doesn't. Yeah. And the way that they were living was different than I viewed the way that Lindsay wanted to live. But because of the time they had spent together as friends, it's almost like this weird weird justification of like they've just always done this or like I've known these people for a long time and it wasn't that big of a deal but from the outside to me I trust Lindsay completely but every time she would want to go out with this group of friends I know what at least a third of the friends is ultimately trying to have happen like at at least get attention from other, the opposite sex. That shit just made me uncomfortable. Like I never liked it. Well, it made me uncomfortable. I mean, because I'm, but you have to look at individually where those people are at in their life or their relationship. And it's different from where I'm at in my life and relationship. And so my behavior is going to be different. And I certainly reached a point where I was done tolerating that behavior in my circle because it didn't serve me. But if that's the path that they chose to walk along, then good for them. Yeah. But you, I didn't want somebody to associate me with those things because I was hanging out with people who were doing inappropriate things. Of course, I had to debunk this fear of loss. You're going to walk out of my life one day and had to just look at you and say, like, look, not ultimatum style, but I'm just not cool with what these people are doing. Yeah. Like I used to be that person. I get it. Like I wish to God I never had to put that asterisk out there but I will always do it because I don't want to sound like I'm in a glass house throwing stones but in that it's like these people were doing these things on such a consistent basis and you because of the social circles like you had a group of friends and again split the group of friends on in thirds between different ways they view their relationships like i'm just this is just sucks like i don't want you going out to dinner because dinner is dinner and then drinks and then attention and then of course i view you as the most attractive one in the group and i'm always going to don't care what the rest of the world thinks so my mind okay these girls are out seeking attention but you're like the bait like just like if I see you and your group of friends obviously I mean you're my wife now like I'm coming up to you first and that was back before I had a wedding ring on it was it's not that you were going to leave me all of a sudden it's just like man that just so much unnecessary attention and so many unnecessary conversations of people that have different intentions. Like I'm certainly okay with, I could walk up anywhere and see a group of guys talking to you and not freak out at all. But you throw into the mix friends that are seeking different types of attention for different reasons. That level of okayness with me starts dropping exponentially every couple minutes it passed. Yeah, I get that. And so it was just different. Yeah, I get that. I wasn't comfortable with that either. And you had friends that operated the same way for a long time. And then we just had to kind of clean house a little. Yeah, it just took me finally standing up to you. Not finally standing up, but like having the testicular fortitude to say like, this is just not like, this isn't good long term for for me and so we did it yeah look happy wife happy life yeah but you're italian you're never really happy that's right that's that's right all the way home oh and there it is so eventually we're gonna have to do an episode on me being ital Italian and my crazy temper and my reactionary position and my emotional response to most things. Right. That's right. Now, as you as you hear her now laughing and like bubbly face, bubbly eyed. Wait till we actually dive into this and the Italian comes out because she gets mad about it. And then literally everything we've spoken about will come completely full circle. It'll be wonderful. Yep. What is that noise? So in our office space, if you hear that in the background, what's really incredible is we sublease an office space above like a manufacturing facility almost. Like they do woodworking and stuff. Yeah. So there's a lot of loud machines downstairs most of the time. Like they do woodworking and stuff. Yeah. Which is awesome. So there's a lot of loud machines downstairs most of the time. Well, there's air compressors because they do a lot of really skilled, detailed woodworking with air compressors. And it looks great, but it's very loud. Every once in a while, you just get this damn background noise. It's just like humming, droning. Maybe you can't hear it. I don't know.

Why ultimately things manifest in your life (37:40)

Maybe not. Lindsay gave me the wrap it up sign because our daughter and her have horse riding lessons. Yeah, she has a riding lesson. She has? We have. Well, we both have training tonight and it's getting late in the evening here and she needs to be picked up and we need to go out there. So we're going to have to wrap up this episode here, my love, because it takes 40 minutes almost to get to where i'm going and it's rush hour i would guess we have to wrap up this episode because she's got a guy waiting in her dms she's got she's got to hop on the phone in the car that's right hey you don't know what i'm doing i've been there before what's crazy is we share the same cell phone bill now.

Cell Phone (37:59)

We do. We have for a long time. I don't even have the logins or passwords. No, I control all of it. Not on purpose. It's just your con your contract was up before mine. And then it was way cheaper to get a family plan than all the data that we used individually. For sure. Guys, if you want to quit being a douchebag, the best way to do it possible, like the quickest way, get a joint cell phone plan. Like you can't run from anything anymore. Nope. No, yesterday. And then we can wrap this up. So a buddy of mine, buddy removed, not a buddy anymore, used to talk to me about he had a girlfriend, but he was always using Google numbers. And I'm like, what is a Google number? And he explained to me this whole system in racket. But we're talking, this is prior to, this is really like the first handful months Lindsay and I dated. Like I haven't talked to this guy for four years plus. And so he's sharing all this stuff with me and I don't even think about it. And here I am on the path of coaching and helping people out and I need videos back. And by the time this airs, the one of seven will already be complete and I'll have the seven people. So what matters is I needed videos of people sharing with me like why. Like what is their why? Like why do they really want to be one of seven? And in that I tried to do Dropbox and that's a little confusing for some of you that haven't used Dropbox before I get it. An email, a two minute video, a special shot with today's phones is too big. But I also didn't necessarily want everybody to have my cell phone number, like especially if you don't get selected, but I know you need some help. Like that puts us in a precarious situation. Right. So your time is super valuable. I have put a much higher value on my time now than I ever have before. Like I finally get the fact of what my time actually ends up really being worth to me. Yes. Even nobody else on the planet thinks it's worth that. I know it's worth it to me and worth it to our family. I agree. And so Kurt and I are sitting around. I'm like, I got to have some way for these people to text me. And it pops in my head. I can almost hear this guy like, man, get a Google number. And so I call Lindsay. I'm like, hey, I'm getting a Google number because Kurt and I are trying to pick up chicks. And I'm like, good luck with that, guys. It'll be fine. But yeah. And see, she's just so dismissive. I know my game is tight. to pick up chicks and i'm like good luck with that guys you guys be fine but yeah and see she just like so dismissive like i know my game is tight i could your game's all right but if you actually were going to use it for anybody now it's a now it's a test oh jesus now kurt and i are going out to pick up the honeys the bottom line is i trust my husband and i don't really care about your google number like it doesn't it doesn't even cross my mind. If you're going to be a douchebag at some point in life, one, I'm going to know it probably before you do. And two, you don't think that... How are you going to know it before I know it? Whatever. I got skills. But I would rather you come home and be like, look, I don't think you're attractive anymore. I don't want to be with you. I'm going to go find somebody else before you cheat on me. We've talked about that a thousand times. We have. None of it is relevant versus the Google number. The Google number was just funny. It's because you said I don't think you have game. I know you have lots of game. I have enough game to get me what I need if I needed it. Make sure you always... You do what you got to do to make me not have to be me and just be the right me. You're ridiculous today.

Transformative Communication

Cell Phones (41:25)

You're ridiculous. Google numbers for the win. I don't, all that comes down to, I don't know if a Google number ties into your phone, like if you could see it. No, no clue. But I'll know on the next cell phone bill, which I never look at because. I hope you do. I hope you go through and call every number, see what's up.

Vent Your Spouse Not Have a Phone (41:39)

I've never once, I don't even think we get a paper bill. I think I just get an alert to my phone that says your cell phone bill is due please press one to pay it and I just pay it that would be the other thing guys I was obviously a cheater in past relationships where I had women that wanted to always go through my phone and somewhat rightfully so in their own capacity but I look at that much differently now if you have to have that and you have like if you have to have someone going through your phone cause you were an idiot, just, just stop. Yeah. That's a bad way to live. Just break it up because it's never, it's never going to matter. Like if you're going to be accused of something for long enough, eventually you can do it anyways. Yep. Like not worth it. I can just imagine in past lives. So like this particular situation that we're talking about right now, someone literally calling number by number, seeing freak shows, who the, who the, who the people are that would be messaging me, that we're talking about right now, someone literally calling number by number, seeing who the people are that would be messaging me, which would be awesome. I mean, that level of insecurity for yourself, though, is sad, really.

Speak Freely (42:33)

Sure, but it's even worse when I'm the one that created it. I know, I know, I know, I know. But at some point you have to have enough self-respect. Like if you're going to have to live that way with that kind of anxiety and what are you doing, what you doing what are you doing like it's not right for you just as much as it's not right for the other person it's true anyway man we we covered a whole what are we going to really name this episode because we covered a whole gamut of stuff yeah what's it called when you make a stew with everything in it like uh smorgasbord that's not a stew smorgasbord? That's not a stew.

Learning from Experience (42:47)

Smorgasbord is a buffet type of thing. Either way, when you listen to this, we will have come up, by the time you get to the point of the episode, we will have named this something way more interesting than whatever I originally said. I don't know what you originally said now. Something about DMs and chicks and opposite sex attention.

What We Dont Identify (43:16)

Maybe even same sex. Babe, I gotta go. She's gotta go she's gotta go i gotta put this out there too i had been consistently like if we're we just called what it is oh she's giving me the grumpopotamus face again she's took a deep breath closed her eyes squinted she's got the little the grumpy face i watch your mouth don Just hold on.

Self-Care In Priorities

Flake, Put Yourself First... (43:26)

I don't think you understand. I do understand. What ends up happening is if I look back over the past four years of the guys versus the girls that have ended up in my DMs. I know. Guys love you. It's been guys. All the time. The guys end up sliding in my DMs. Like asking if I consider batting from the other side of the plate. And I respect whatever side of the plate you want to bat from. But I bat from the side that I've always batted from. I bat from the side that's swinging towards Lindsay. 's it that's the only side I'm batting from but it was funny because it's in some form way shape or form to me a compliment yeah like a guy thinks I'm attractive I gotta have myself somewhat together a lot of a lot of guys think you are very very attractive see now we're talking now my ego feels less fragile there you go honey thank you so much for wrapping up this episode with that yeah so on that note like i don't even know how to tie it to all the difference we did so many things yeah so i'll just say when you can have open communication with anybody in your life well it's open communication at the office and just saying what you want or need or in the gym with your training partner saying like you don't want to train back you want to train something else or open communication like lindsey and i have in our relationship not an open relationship open communication that's right that's a big asterisk yeah big difference you'll find out that every day you're able to get shit done you

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