Episode 165: Coaching a Coach That's Been Coached By Coaches | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 165: Coaching a Coach That's Been Coached By Coaches".
Note: This transcription is split and grouped by topics and subtopics. You can navigate through the Table of Contents on the left. It's interactive. All paragraphs are timed to the original video. Click on the time (e.g., 01:53) to jump to the specific portion of the video.
I'm Ryan Neidell, host of 15 Minutes to Freedom, your daily action guide to getting shit done. I would love to hear from you. Whether you love the podcast or hate it, drop me an email. Let me know. I like to correspond with people that listen. Thanks for your time. Today's episode is entitled Coaching a Coach That's Been Coached by Coaches. Yes, in today's episode, I'm going to share with you how easy it is to have your head I'm going to share with you how easy it is to have your head fuck with your heart's desire. So I wake up this morning and start my day, start my morning ritual.
Personal Insights And Time Management
Morning rituals (00:53)
Morning ritual, for those of you that don't know, that maybe are just new to the show or haven't heard this before, is I do something called the core four every day before I hit the door so I'm ready to go to war. And I look at Trulia, the minute I leave my house, the world's attacking me in some capacity. Attacking me for time, attacking me for energy, physically attacking me. There's always something that I have to defend off. Not dissimilar from your own life. But in saying that, this core four consists of meditating and journaling and drinking a green smoothie and working up a sweat and sending letters of appreciation to my wife and bonus daughter. And also reading a business book and then journaling about how to implement that and sharing it with how it's going to be impactful in my day.
Mr Garrett J. White (01:29)
So there's really eight action items, but each action item gives you a half a point. So you get four points total in this, I'll call it warrior way of life, which I have adopted and morphed into my own called Unleash the King.
Hits Dont Spin (01:48)
So there's this hybrid in between. If you want to know more how I got that information, go to thekingskit.com or wakeupwarrior.com, something that was founded by Garrett J. White, something that's this global movement. Go to Amazon, grab a copy of Be the Man, the book. There's a whole bunch of things he's created. But in that, I've taken that and made it my own. I've made it my own way of living. I've added some things to it. I've spiced it up a little bit. So in that, I'm hitting my core four. And in the midst of my core four, wrapping up, and I normally have my phone on do not disturb. And today was for some reason, I just didn't do it. And I'm around in the corner. I'm reading my book. I'm journaling in what I'm going to implement in today's coaching practice. It's part of the book I was reading. And my phone rings my lead developer, a guy named Devin. And Devin calls like 720. And Devin never calls at 720. Not because he respects the time I have. I don't even know if he knows the time that I'm up Just the fact of when him and I speak it's simply closer to 9 or 10 o'clock in the morning But he calls and we're having this conversation about some strategic marketing. We're doing for my CBD company Talk about site redesign talking about email marketing, you know really getting marching orders for the week and In that I just start to feel anxious.
How To Save Your Time (02:50)
Like I realized the minute I pick up the phone and the conversation starts going down this path that I should have stopped it. Not because I don't respect Devin and his time, but because I respect my time more. And until like from that four 30 in the morning, really till eight 30, that was four hours. Those are my hours. Like I spent time in the gym, my box, I hit my core four, I lift weights. Like it's really how I put time in the gym, I box, I hit my core four, I lift weights. It's really how I put myself in what I call personal power. I feel massively productive when I do that.
Choice Of Anchors (03:31)
And when I let it drag on or don't get it done in a timely manner, I feel really self-defeated. Now, it's not that I don't complete the work because that's not an option. These aren't choices. These are lifestyle things now. And sure, everything in life is a choice and we can debate that back and forth. But this is a new operating system that is now a year and a half in the making in my personal life, almost two years. And it's not going anywhere. It's only going to get better and stronger. So it's a non-negotiable for me.
Notes From James (03:53)
So in that I'm having this conversation with Devin, I can feel my internal animosity boiling up. Our conversation remains impactful and meaningful and lasts for 35 or 40 minutes. Okay, well, that's 35 or 40 minutes that I can't get back to knock me out of my flow, my rhythm, my cadence for my core four. So I hang up with Devin, I get back into the core four and I knock out the rest of stuff I have to do. Then I get ready for the gym.
Daylistar, The Band (04:22)
You see, on Monday, although I've been boxing five days a week, my trainer is also from a divorced household. You know, he has an ex-wife or a mother of his children, however you want to say it. So he has to drive them from one side of town to the other and can't train me in boxing at seven o'clock in the morning on Mondays. So I know I get to kind of take the foot off the gas a little bit and don't have to be to the gym until 830 to to make my day synchronously continue on. And so as long as I'm out of the house by 8.30, I'm good. Get my stuff done, pack my gym bag, have something small to eat, and I'm out the door. I'm driving to the gym and I'm just frustrated. I'm frustrated that I let my day get away from me.
I broke my rule, yet again. (04:59)
I'm frustrated that I didn't see things the right way. I'm frustrated that I answered the call. Like there's some real shit, like I'm pissed when driving to the gym and I'm pissed at nobody other than myself. Like this is nobody's fault. I chose to answer the phone. Then I chose to continue on a conversation versus honor my own time and space. So Lindsay and I walk, you know, we don't drive together. We drive separate because I'm coming to the office afterwards and we we pull into Lifetime Fitness. We pull in the parking lot. One of the guys that I coach inside of a marketing group that I run reaches out to me and just looking for some assistance. Hey, man, can we have a quick phone call? And I'm looking at this message and I'm like, fuck. No, I don't want to. No part of me wants to have this phone conversation. I've already not honored my own time and commitment. And I'm so much of a people pleaser. I'm so much of doing things for other people that I, it takes conscious work to hold space and time for myself. And I've already broken that down this morning. I've already fucked this up. And so I'm looking at my phone and there's a text message, you know, three text messages in a row. And it's not a cry for help. It's not an urgent thing. It's like, Hey, basically brother, can you give me a shout? Here's a social media thing I want to do. Got some questions. Could you give me a call if you have a second? And I'll say this message came in at 7 45 in the morning. Now it's give or take 8 45. And I'm looking at this and it's everything in my power just to not answer. But I can't help myself because I feel not only obligated, but I feel connected to this individual who also happens to be a coach.
I blew it. (06:28)
Okay? So this man is a phenomenal coach, coaches at a very high level, has had many of the same mentors and coaches that I have had, and is a kick-ass guy. Like world class. So I'm like, man, I got to call this guy.
Im the Unicorn (06:54)
Something tells me that the voice, intuition, God, whatever you believe in, a fucking unicorn is telling me to call him. So I put on my Bluetooth headset. I'm sitting in my car in the pouring down rain outside of Lighttime Fitness at 845 in the morning and I call him. And he goes into it. It's like, man, this marketing stuff is a little bit deeper than I thought it was. I thought this was a little bit maybe more simple. I've already had some successful events and I realize that now maybe I'm just not, I'm not, I'm not at the level I thought I was at. And he starts going down this pit of despair, this rabbit hole of doubt about is he qualified to lead and coach other men? He's saying this from a position that he has already been doing this. But he's exposed to new stimuli, which is me. But he's exposed to new stimuli, which is me. And as I'm sharing with them how to internet market on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, having a podcast. How do you brand? How do you message? What level of consistency and frequency and hashtags and running funnels? Name something, we're covering it over a 12-week course. Super deep dive stuff. This is not high level, like, oh, here's what Instagram does. This is tactical deployment stuff. These are things to grow a seven-figure coaching business. So again, the way that we live inside of Wake Up Warrior or inside Unleash the King or inside any of these men's coaching practices, they're all coaches in their own right. None of us are playing small. None of us want to play at a $100,000 level. And there's nothing wrong if that's the level you're at. I'm not disparaging. There's a process we all go through. There's a process to have, until you can stabilize $100,000 a year in income, you're not ready to handle a million dollars. Until you've coached one person, you're not really ready to coach 10, and you're certainly not ready to coach 50. But he has already done this. He's already experienced success. And so we're going through this and he's saying like, look, I think I need to recalibrate. I think I need to pause my coaching. I think I need to jump back into and push the gas pedal to the floor on my main business. Wait till that levels itself up. Wait till it gets higher and higher. Wait till, you know, I'm making a million dollars a year there. And then I can come back and recalibrate and focus on my coaching. And I get it. Like I literally tell him, I understand exactly where you're coming from.
80/20 First Day (09:18)
Cause that doubt, that little man in our head, the one that we have to tell to go fuck off quite often, is always present. Stagnation and comfort is something that is prevalent and present in all of our lives. It is not comfortable to get outside of your box. And as we dive deeper into this marketing world, it's outside of his box. And so I'm ashamed. Like, I get where you're coming from. Like, I've been there. Like, I'm not ashamed to say it. I'm not a multimillionaire. I don't know that I've ever made a million dollars a year before, but I've also never claimed to. What I have claimed and what I do share is my absolute truth every day. My truth can change from day to day. My truth as of Sunday was the fact I post on social media because I'm looking for interaction and engagement. I'm also looking to impact a million people's lives. Maybe one day I'll get to the point where I truly never look back and see if someone liked my photo. Maybe that day will come, but that day is not happening right now. Right now it still matters. And I share very openly, it matters for a handful of reasons. It matters because when I post something on Instagram, if more people like it in a short period of time, it reaches more people. Instagram's algorithm gives you additional weight. If more people comment on that post, more people see it. Why does more people seeing it matter? Well, it matters because if more people see it, then I more people seeing it matter? Well, it matters because if more people see it, then I can spread my reach out and I can eventually impact a million people's lives in a more strategic manner. And then the third reason is because of ego. Like I want to know the message I'm putting in the marketplace matters. I want to know that it resonates with people. I want to see my engagement above 5%. There's some things that I want to see because of who I am and how I am wired. That was my truth from Sunday. Today I wake up and my truth is a little bit different. I don't care about social media today. I literally put a block on my iPhone now. There's something called screen time on a new iPhone. It's freaking mind-blowing. I can set parameters. I can only use my social media for 35 minutes a day. I mean, you can set it for whatever time you want to, but I pick 35 minutes, maybe 37 minutes. So I said it this morning and I was shocked at how quick I burned through 37 minutes. So in that, I'm like, well, shit, I guess social media doesn't matter today it's time to double down on work and laughed about it and shook it off and here I am because I have to be more protective of my time but in that I'm sharing this message with this with this coach who's been coached by phenomenal coaches who is deep in the coaching game who has helped tens if not hundreds of people level up their game. And he's doubting where he's at right now. And he's calling upon me for guidance. And it's coming from the fact of a marketing standpoint, but it trickles itself into everything else because I will say over and over again, how you do one thing is ultimately how you do everything. And if you have doubt in your personal life or doubt in your business life, it transfers through all four areas of a four-dimensional lifestyle. And so he's sharing this with me, sharing this doubt, like, I'm going to build this up. I'm going to do all this stuff. Then I'll come back to this. I have to hit him right between the eyes. Like, I don't believe in sugarcoating stuff, especially once you invited me into this coaching relationship. It's a lie. Like, you're telling yourself a lie. I'm telling this gentleman he's lying to himself. That if we really look at it, the majority of us, like me right now, I don't care where you're at. You listening. You yourself right now. The fact that I can condense time, get more done in 12 weeks than most people get done in a year, do more in an hour to four hours in the morning than most people do all week.
Date Night Offering For You (13:02)
I definitely just coughed on the microphone. Apologies for that. The fact that I can do all that has impact. The fact that I stop lying, the fact that I have date nights, the fact that I truly focus on a four-dimensional lifestyle filled with expansion matters. I don't have to make a million dollars to have it be that you listen to me.
Squad Running And Personal Relationships
Landing A Date Night Event (13:25)
That's ego. That's shame. That's guilt. That's an old story. That's an operating system that someone has instilled upon you that you think you need that for validation in the marketplace. Well, you need that if you're approaching the world and saying, look, I'm a multimillionaire and I'm going to teach you how to do the same.
Remaining your beliefs (13:45)
Then yeah, damn right, you better make a million dollars. But if you're just saying, hey, look, I used to be X number of dollars in debt and now I'm not in debt and I used to not have vacation homes and now I have vacation homes and I used to be someone that drank and I used to be someone that cheated and I used to be someone that lied, but I don't do those things anymore. And it's been months, if not years, since I've done them. And let me share with you how I stopped doing them and created the life I have today. There's a lot of people that are currently in that pit of despair that you used to be in. That exists for hundreds, if not millions of people in the US, hundreds of thousands, if not millions, where you sedate away your problems by drinking Friday and Saturday and Sunday, where you lie to your partner or your spouse about where you're going because you don't really feel fulfilled or committed, but it ultimately stems from you're not happy with yourself, where you're overweight and out of shape because of the sedation that you're choosing to do because you're drinking, you're eating bad food, you're not sleeping, you're not caring about your body, you're not weaponizing it. So you're off kilter. And that then spirals into every other aspect of your life where your business starts to flounder because your eye's not on the ball because you don't feel strong and powerful in the morning. Like all this stuff all connects to one another every time. And so I'm literally rattling this guy's cages. I'm inside Lifetime, not in the locker room, sitting in this little lobby area, Bluetooth headset on, and I'm just shaking him. Obviously not in person, but shaking him over the phone. And I take a pause, and I check and see if he's still with me. Because you never know. But this isn't pre-scripted. There's no coaching booklet for this. And I'm like, oh wait, hold on. Let me go to chapter 7, page 120. This stuff just all comes from the heart. And there's a shift that happens. And I can energetically feel it and I can hear it in my ears. That he goes from this self-defeating, I don't know if I can do this, to a re-empowered, reinvigorated monster of a coach who then reaches out to my buddy about writing a book, who then is active in our workplace chat, who goes all in again and recommits to himself. See, this is important and this is impactful, not because of an ego play for me, but because the best people with the best trainers and the best mentors that have a proven track record sometimes wake up and don't know what the fuck is going on. They wake up and they want to throw in the towel. They wake up and need to be talked off the ledge. in the towel. They wake up and need to be talked off the ledge. They might seem like they have it all together from the outside, but inside there's some days where some things just don't go the right way. And instead of internalizing it, instead of retreating, instead of backpedaling, instead of blowing it all up like he would have used to have done, he stopped and sought counsel. He sought counsel from someone that's free of judgment. I don't give a shit. I've been there before.
Kevin reveals his true self to David (16:47)
Admittedly, walking to the gym, I was there when I called him thinking, fuck all this stuff. I don't want to do this. I want my day back. I don't want to call this guy. I don't want to talk to Devin. I don't want to have the 12 phone calls I got scheduled today. How much easier would it be just to retreat and own a little business on the side that just talk to a handful of people, just focus on marketing, have a podcast, forget all the other stuff. It'd be way easier, but it's not what I'm called to do. It's not what speaks to me. It's not what fulfills me. Just like it doesn't fulfill him. And so in the recalibration, he hangs up and eventually says, like, thank you. I feel on fire. I feel ablaze now. Things are like rocking inside of me. I get it now. Thanks for the shift. You altered my perception. I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for you. That's what this is all about. That's what coaching is all about. That's what making an impact is all about. When I say I want to touch a million people's lives, that's what the fuck I am talking about. Some of you hear that and you just don't get it. You can't even conceptualize what that feeling is like to know that my words made an impact that could alter or will alter that man's day-to-day. No matter what else happens today. Today has been a win. But it's a win because I put myself out. And I allowed it to be a win. Then I hang up with him.
Impact Call No. 1 (18:11)
And there's another guy that's in the gym. That knows I'm in the coaching space. That's also had some of the same mentors and protégés I've had. Who wants to have another conversation about coaching. That wants to go another direction. That's asking me questions about how I've structured my business and how things are going and why and how and where. So there's another 30 minutes I get to consumed. And all of a sudden my day that normally starts by 10 o'clock, like at the office by 10, I'm not even going up on the gym floor until 10 o'clock because it's been phone call after phone call after phone call about people seeking some sort of counsel or face-to-face. Now, I say this from a place of love. Like, I love this stuff. Go upstairs, get my workout done, hop on a phone call, end up having a couple of incredibly impactful conversations with some of the individuals that were interested in the 107 program and just feel these shifts coming. Like, no, there's just greatness inside of so many people. They just need to tap into it. Like you can hear it as I'm having a 45 minute or hour long conversation. I can hear the power that is just dormant.
Power Dormant (19:15)
And I remember how it used to be when I was there, when I was in their spot, when I felt like they felt, when I feel like they feel, that you listen to this podcast and you consume the content like, man, this guy's just got it all right. Like you hear this stuff and it's, man, the lessons or the stories, they're great. They're all truthful. Maybe I need to have a couple more episodes where I tell you like how fucked up my head is sometimes. When on Saturday I'm ready to pull my hair out because I don't get any work done because I'm spending time with the family and I'm concerned I'm not going to be able to play catch up all week because I know there's more stuff I have to do. And if I want to increase my capacity, I have to work harder and smarter than I've ever done it before. Because again, coaching 10 people is great. Coaching 50 is fun. Coaching a thousand takes a lot of damn work it takes systems processes procedures automation it takes this the stuff i normally do podcasts and social media posting plus a whole back end that until you're in the program you don't really have a concept of how it all works and so there's a doubt that creeps in. And it's there. And it's consistent. It's, man, am I going to be able to do all this stuff? Can I really pull this off? Can I make an impact? And then today happens. Because what I'm seeking is also seeking me. And the validation I needed from the marketplace presented itself three times this morning. It presented itself because I was willing to receive it. Just as my buddy, the most impactful phone call, the one that this whole episode's about, was willing to receive the kick in the dick that I gave him. To me, that's what this whole coaching mentorship relationship ends up being about.
Recapping Reason No. 1 (20:55)
Do you find someone that you can trust enough that when they kick you in the dick, you're willing to receive it? And yes, that's a crass way. That's a pattern interrupt, I call it. I need to break through the noise of you listening to this episode. At some point, we all need somebody. I will encourage you to find somebody to accelerate your growth to the place of getting you from where you're at to where you ultimately want to arrive to. You can't get there without someone elevating your thought process. You can't solve a problem from the same place you created it. There's no way to increase your capacity unless someone else impresses something upon you or you find it yourself. So in that, have that relationship with someone that you trust enough that when they punch you in the face, you can take it and you realize it was out of love and because they see the game different than you're able to see it.
Age Appropriate Relationships
A relationship appear (21:33)
Which is ultimately the phone call today and the meetings today. It's having a different vantage point from different things I've been through, different experiences I've had, different failures I've created that allows me to guide people from the position that I'm in now. So it ultimately begs the question in your life right now, where are you not asking for help when you know it would serve you?
Aspects Of Help
Where are you not asking for help (22:02)
Is in a relationship. Like you had a great relationship that was on fire, that was filled with passion, excitement, maybe even some sex, some intimacy, and it's just died out. And you're not sure if you want to scrap the relationship or you want to recalibrate it. You don't know who to turn to. Where or who could you talk to for relationship advice to either find a partner or make your current relationship better? Maybe it's in your body. Maybe you're overweight and you know you are. You stop lying to yourself. You drop the towel out of the shower in the morning. You look yourself in the mirror and you're just not happy with what you see. So you start beating yourself up. And instead of asking somebody for help, asking for a trainer, interviewing people to better your position, you just keep beating yourself up for how you look. But you lack the expansion, the capacity to make a change because you don't know what you don't know. Maybe the same things in your business. Maybe you're an entrepreneur or you even work for yourself, an entrepreneur. And you know there's something greater just on the other side of this wall that's built inside your business, but you can't see it because you don't know how to access the key. You don't know where the key is for the door. So here you are knowing that there's something greater. You don't know how to get to it. But instead of beating your head against the wall and hopefully getting through it, just ask somebody where the hell the key's at. A mentor or coach, someone will show you the key to open that door. Someone has done it before and will give you the shortcut. Because what I've found time after time, day after day, when you ask for help when you actually need it, instead of delaying it, you're able to get shit done.