Episode 184: Picking Your Coach | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 184: Picking Your Coach".


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Opening Remarks

Intro (00:00)

I'm Ryan Neidell, host of 15 Minutes to Freedom, your daily action guide to getting shit done. Today's episode is entitled, Picking Your Coach. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the content. In today's episode, I'm going to share with you my steps and mindset behind picking a coach and how the idea of this subject even came up. So yesterday I was filled with this overwhelming sense of gratitude. It was one of those great days where on social media I get just bombarded with GIFs of people saying they like this message or they listen to an episode and it connects with them in a certain way. One woman actually said that Cody Jefferson and I's show brought tears to her eyes, that she waited to listen to the show until she had the hour set aside to really go down that rabbit hole. And in that, I'm just overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude. And the same woman ends up proposing a question to me through a direct message inside of Instagram. For those of you that aren't connecting me on Instagram, I would love to connect with you, have more interaction than just you consuming my content. I would love to chat back and forth. So I'll shamelessly plug myself right now. My Instagram handle might be a big surprise to you. It's simply my name, Ryan Neidell. So in that, this woman asked me the question, how do I pick a coach? My son has a great coach. My husband has a coach. I'm ready, I think, for a coach for myself, but I don't know how to pick the right one. Then the question actually has a part two associated with it, and that is that she has been contacted by coaches that have reached out to her asking if they can coach her, and she wanted my stance on it. My stance may be fairly polarizing. Like I'm a coach, right? I'm good with saying that at this point that I'll call it a life optimization coach or performance coach, whatever you'd want to say. I help people 100% overcome their limiting beliefs and recalibrate their lifestyle to achieve goals and dreams they didn't really know they were capable of. And in that, I have my own perspective, as perhaps you do yourself. My perspective on coaching is like this. I sit here with you today having spent roughly $100,000 on various coaches. Now I could calibrate and total up the exact dollar amount, but somewhere around six figures, probably a little bit more, on working through myself. Now when I say working through myself, that's adding in some nutritional coaches, some personal training coaches, that's podcast coaches, that's life optimization coaches, that's performance coaches, that's business coaches. Like when I throw everything together, it's probably close to $150,000 in my lifetime. Now, I've aggressively been going down this rabbit hole myself for the better part of two, maybe even two and a half years. Now, I can't say that necessarily makes me qualified to coach. It's just factual. And so one of the first things that I believe a potential trainee should ask a trainer, and this comes in every form that I just made mention, from my podcast coach, to my nutritionist, to my exercise, you know, my training coach to my boxing coach, like all the way through. I feel that it's paramount that you ask them how they arrived to this point.

Discussion On Coaches And Coaching

New insight (03:43)

And so in that, there's two paths that a coach can go down. They can pound their chest and say, I have this degree, I have this accreditation, I've spent this much time in class, which is wonderful. Certainly not saying that's a bad path. But I have a difficult time with how my brain works not having there be a path where that coach had been coached. Think about that. You're about to embark on this intimate journey with someone to level up your life. And whether it's a personal trainer or a life coach, they're going to know some things about you that in theory no one else should or maybe no one else does if they themselves have not been that vulnerable with a series of people over their lifetime and then they honor that person enough to share that their coach was someone else then I would have to question their integrity and with with the way that I operate, I would question if they're someone that preaches or pontificates about abundance and alignment in how much abundance could one be if they're afraid to share with you who coach them.

Coaches in your lifetime (04:46)

I think about that right now. I don't have any problem telling you that Kevin D is my boxing trainer, Priority Fitness. I don't have any problem saying that Danny Page has done my nutritional programming and some exercise, I'll say development, more around the personal training side of things, more of the weaponizing of my body. I have no problem saying David Farrow is my podcast coach. He's based out of Toronto. I have no problem saying that Gary J. White and Wake Up Warrior played an intricate role and are still currently in the process of coaching me. I have no problem saying I've spent time, energy, and effort in the Tony Robbins part of the world. No problem saying that I'm going to a series of events over the next six months that are going to also expand my capacity to make me a better, more weaponized coach for the people that I share my energy with. I do all that because energetically, if I'm not the right coach for you, I know that I've put my own research into those people and I can vouch for them. Because to me, this whole idea of coaching is about leveling up everybody's game. And selfishly for me, it ends up being about expanding a collective consciousness. Like I'll go super deep down the esoteric rabbit hole for a second. The whole fact of coaching, if I can help people overcome their limiting beliefs and the stories they've told themselves from a young age that have crippled their development in the current day times, if we can unwire those, reframe those stories, create new belief systems and patterns, eliminate negative feedback loops and increase positive feedback loops while having you have a better connection to a spiritual oneness, do not care if you believe that to be God or a unicorn or a majestic bear, I don't care what it is. If you have a better connection to that while also taking care of your body, taking care of your family and making additional money, there comes this point where you become what I'll call more enlightened. And enlightenment's this external term that I don't know that you can really define. I define it as the fact of feeling peaceful in my own skin and having a connection to something that I know is greater than me. Well, there's an idea, there's a principle that if you could convert 3% of the population to believe the same thing, you can actually influence the entire 100% of the population. So if I can help coach, mentor, train 3% of a subject cross-section of a group, there is a chance that that collective consciousness would raise its awareness globally on an exponential rate. So when I say I want to impact a million people, or now 120 million people, it's because there's so much excitement and energy, and we would all raise our standards so much higher if that existed. I go down that little path with you because if you find that enlightenment from working with Garrett J.

Trainer Bars (08:07)

White and Wake Up Warrior, then go work with him. That's awesome. That's part of what makes me who I am today. But I'm doing myself a disservice and doing you a disservice if I can't openly admit that's a path I went down. Now, it is not the path that I've chosen to define me. Becoming a certified trainer inside of Wake Up Warriors because I can't do anything halfway. Almost completing my PhD studies in metaphysics slash quantum physics, while also really going down my path for an MBA in the same field, is not because I care about the credentials next to my name. It's because it pushes me to expand my capacity to a level that is really unrecognizable to who I was months ago. It means that I studied as much as I possibly could in a subject matter up to that moment. And it means someone else has recognized how much study and work I put into something. No different than if I become a certified trainer in the Tony Robbins organization or whatever his key term is for that individual. You see, it's all part of the path. It's all part of the plan. But let's say you've spoken to a coach and let's say he was open and very forthright with you or she on who's trained him, who got him to this part. That to me is like step one. The second step ends up becoming asking more pivotal questions about where that person is currently at, i.e. the trainer. You see me through this podcast, you have a pretty decent idea of who I am. You know, my wife, Lindsay, my daughter, Gianna, how I view them, the business that I own, the struggles I've went through, the triumphs I've had, it's pretty well out there. So for me personally, there's a catalog of 180 episodes that are all somewhere between 10 and 40 minutes long explaining who I am and where I'm at. I don't have to lie or come up with some bullshit story. I don't live in a million dollar home in Columbus, Ohio. I don't have a new Lamborghini parked outside. I currently am not flying on private jets to my meetings, but I don't claim to. If the potential coach you're working with is creating this value proposition to establish dominance, i.e. over-inflating their sense of worth to make you feel inferior and then feel obligated to work with them, I would challenge you to question the validity of that trainer, that coach. It doesn't mean it still might not be right for you, but look at the facts of the situation not the feelings because i know through word tracks and situations on the phone i can essentially walk you down any path that i would need to to convince you to work with me it's kind of how sales work when you've been in a sales capacity for the better part of your life and you pride yourselves on being able to really guide and lead conversations, a closing conversation happens almost after every phone call.

Understanding The Pivotal (10:59)

It doesn't mean that it's right to work with that person. But let's even assume the person shares with you, here's who trained me.

Figuring Out If Its The Right Fit For You (11:38)

And let's say the life that they have is truly something you wish you could emulate pieces and parts of. Next question I would have for them was, are they currently being coached? So in my opinion, if you are a coach and you are not currently being leveled up by somebody, you are becoming stagnant. And stagnation eventually equals death. You're not able to expand your capacity. And to me, if you say out loud, I'm reading, I got some friends, we talk on the phone, that's part of it. But I'll say it like this. If I'm going to charge you $5,000 for a coaching package, I don't care. Come up with any timetable you want that to be. If you are looking to me for guidance and advice, but then I am not willing to spend twice as much as that for the same amount of time to keep leveling up my own coaching, then I got to ask, what is really going on?

Coaches Who Are Stagnant (12:34)

Does it really make sense? To me, the answer is no. If I'm not being coached, if I'm not looking to ascend up higher, then I'm assuming the fact that all the knowledge I have up to this point is all that I'm ever going to need to overcome every situation. But see, the damnedest thing happens to all of us real time every day. We create problems. Some problems are big, some problems are small, but they exist every day. I believe it was Albert Einstein. I don't know who it was. I'm just going to go with Einstein. It's going to make it easier for me. That there's a saying that you cannot solve a problem from the same place or mindset that it was created. What that means to me is the problems I'm creating now as a coach in my own life or in the life of my clients, I'm not able to solve without external stimulus to make me expand my capacity once over again. Sure, I can get that from reading some books, but it's not the same. How can I ask you to spend money with me if I'm not willing to spend money on myself? It doesn't work to me. But let's now even assume one more time. First checkbox, first box was checked. He or she shares with you who they have been coached with before, how they got their knowledge base. And then they share with you pieces of their life and you like what they have to say. You could see yourself living that way. Then you ask them if they're currently being coached and they share with you again, yes, I'm going down this path with this person, or here's where I'm at. The next question to ask, in my opinion, is the question of what ultimately do you want to help me achieve? How does this work? Explain to me your process. Because if I'm someone that's focused in a deeply rooted sense of metaphysics and what that means and not beating you over the head with it, but knowing that it's the underlying current of how I train you, of how I work with you. And you're turned off by that. You think all of it's witchcraft. You don't want anything to do with it. But you like how I speak on the phone. You like that I paid money for trainers and you like that I'm currently being trained, but you don't like what my training is about. The other three won't have enough weight to outweigh the fact that I'm metaphysics based. It's just not going to work. It breaks down. It's super unique. Like as a man, I had this story that I had built that I was only supposed to train men.

Jonathans thoughts on working behind the scenes as a power couple with Victoria and Trammell (15:22)

Actually just posted about this. By the time this episode comes out, the post will be long gone. About this machismo way of operating the coaching space. And I came back. I call it the power pendulum. I came back from wake up warrior, warrior week. All the stuff inside of warrior. Just feeling like a charged up man. Like I got to grow a beard and I got to cuss all the time and I got to run through walls and fuck everybody that's in my way. And then the power pendulum swung back more towards the center where I started to finally realize the fact of like who I am in my own skin is exactly who I'm supposed to be. I don't want a long bushy beard because I don't like it. I respect you if you have one yourself. I don't think the amount bushy beard because I don't like it. I respect you if you have one yourself. I don't think the amount of facial hair that I have adorning my face makes me a better or worse coach. I don't think it makes me more or less of a man. I think it's just like clothing. It's something that adorns my body that I can choose to use for or against myself. to use for or against myself. I don't think if I cuss consistently throughout this podcast or consistently throughout coaching that I'm going to coach you more or less effectively. I believe I actually have to meet you where you're at. Some people, like myself, shut down when they would get yelled at. Why do they shut down? Because of early childhood trauma. Some people need literally kicked in the dick. Some people need to be grabbed by the neck, grabbed by the collar of the shirt, shaken around a little bit, got two inches from their face, scream at them for them to make a change, for them to have that impact point. But there's a whole bunch of people that don't need that. And so it doesn't make the coach better or worse. It just has to align with where you're at. Now, don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean you have to be comfortable. To me, a good coach is not going to just walk along at your own pace.

Trying Just to Cut Edge Corner (17:15)

Like the guys I work with, the clients that I have, both male and female, I require a lot, but I, I give a lot. No, I require daily assignments, daily work. That's introspective while also building new patterns and belief systems that optimize your life. Plus our once a week phone calls, plus some deep dive stuff, plus some reading, plus some meditation. Like it gets, it gets deep dive stuff, plus some reading, plus some meditation. It gets deep. It gets heavy. I want to expand people's capacity to have them run at a speed they didn't know was possible. But I bring it back to the car washing example. You can have a dirty car that's high performance. You can wash a living daylights out of the outside. It can look shiny. It can look great. You can drive it around and eventually it gets dirty again. You can keep washing it. But eventually you got to change the oil, change the tires, do some work under the hood. You got to do something to increase the performance. You, your mindset, your body, and where you're at is the same thing. If all someone's going to do is require you to do some homework and yell at you every once in a while and ask you the question why over and over again, it's probably some pretty surface level stuff and they're creating some codependent behaviors, which is to me the polar opposite of what should happen in an effective coaching relationship. My personal goal is to do the exact, like I said, opposite. My personal goal is to do the exact opposite. I want to build systems and processes to optimize and weaponize your life and what that means for you at a capacity higher than you're currently able to see that you're capable of. Another way to say that is, I'm not going to let you dictate the way we train and how hard I push you, but certainly when we get done after our time period together, my goal is to have it be that it's an option for you if you want additional work together, but you don't feel obligated. You don't feel like we're connected at the hip. You don't feel like your life is going to end if we part ways. But ultimately, that's the fourth question, maybe fifth, is what does this look like when it's over between us?

Question Asked Gleaning Your Collective (19:26)

Which is crazy to say on the front side. But like, what's the upsell? What's coming later? Don't get me wrong. I believe every person needs compensated for their time. Everybody. But if my goal in working with you, or your coach's goal in working with you, is to have you spend $5,000 only to eventually spend $10,000 only to eventually spend $35,000, I just have a tough time with that. I think it doesn't make sense. I think that as you add more value to someone's life, there should energetically be a transfer of money for more value. It's a difference in helping someone level up and seeing their success increase versus already having a preset plan in mind just to see how much money you can get out of somebody. All that ends up being my framework for deciding who I personally work with. That does not only apply, as I made mention to life coaches, performance coaches, whatever you want to say. I take my nutritionist through the same stuff, my boxing coach, my personal trainer, my podcast coach. I truly have a coach for everything, but it's that whole living in alignment, practicing what you preach side of things, which what I found, especially in this unique space, it's like the pop-up next gold rush of being a coach is that not everybody walks in that same alignment. of being a coach is that not everybody walks in that same alignment. The fifth, maybe it's even sixth at this point, I've kind of lost count, and final most important part is I feel like you just know. Like I have no problem saying when I first saw Garrett White and I first saw Wake Up Warrior, I thought it was the cheesiest, most bullshit thing in the world. Here's this guy yelling in the camera. I don't know. I'm not him. I don't have a wife and kids. I can't. I can't connect with this. This isn't for me. Then over time, eventually something changed in my life or his marketing message changed. And I became open to the possibility that it could work. And when I started to become open to the possibility, I actually leaned into it. I took the step to say like, let me, let me scratch the surface a little deeper. Now, something started calling to me and it wasn't just the fact of high production value on social media.

Sorry, Choosing A Coach Work Good Post (21:57)

Something aligned with his message into my soul. So I leaned in. That's got to be the same part for you. Inevitably, some of you listening want to know more about coaching or working with me. That's awesome. Shoot me an email. We can talk about it. Inevitably, some of you like the idea of coaching but don't like anything I have to say. That's awesome, too. There's a bunch of other people that I would be happy to recommend you to that have their own specialties and skill sets, that have been through their own life experiences, that I know would provide a phenomenal service for you. And there's some of you listening that think coaching is crazy. And admittedly, I get that as well. As someone who told me 10 years ago, actually I had my first business coach when I was inside the hosting company. And one of my partners had used her before. She was from L.A. And said, man, you've got to use her. She's great. Now, my partner in this company was probably my age now. Maybe not quite. But he had a different perspective. So I felt almost guilted into this. I began to work with this woman. I got nothing out of it. But it's because I wasn't receiving anything. I wasn't leaning into it. I wasn't ready. And now it's like, I couldn't imagine not having coaches in my life. So some of this is just understanding there's a path we're all walking down. And I've been super fortunate in the 107 Challenge to have many of you come to me that are under 30. Don't think that your age dictates your ability to have a coach.

Guests' Final Thoughts

Satellite Equal Mess! (23:55)

Like if I could have been as weaponized and skilled and knowledgeable at 25 as I am now at 34, I would have been nine years ahead, but really it's exponential. So probably like 19 years ahead in my growth, growth of my personal life, growth in my bank account, growth of my body, growth of my spiritual connection. So some of this is understanding understanding if things fit for you now versus later. But we all have things that at the bare minimum, we would like to be held accountable to or accountable for, and it's tough to find accountability in most of our lives. And so from this listener requested episode of diving into how to pick a coach, I think it's important to look at either relationship coach, your business coach, or your physical coach. And understand these lessons apply to every one of them. That it's not just a one-sided conversation. But when you put the time, energy, and effort in to ask the right questions, align yourself with the right coaches, do the work all the way through, and lean into it, when you implement all those things together, you'll find that every day you're able to get shit done. you

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