Episode 21: Not Everyone Is Going To Like You - 15 Minutes to Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 21: Not Everyone Is Going To Like You - 15 Minutes to Freedom Podcast".


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Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is Not Everyone Is Going to Like You. So Lindsay got to go out last evening with a group of her friends. And when I say go out, there was some sort of, something called a Norwick party. I don't even know what Norwick is. I don't have any idea. She tried to explain it to me and I paid like somewhere between zero and not enough attention to be able to share it with you. Maybe you know what Norwick is, but I have no freaking clue what it is. But she went to one of her good friend's house last night. And through that, you know, she got home much after I went to bed and got up this morning. I'm doing my normal morning ritual. So we had very little communication. But as we're having some communication this morning, she's down in the office. She's sharing with me this story about how, you know, there's a group of friends that she's had for years. And some of these friends, as time has progressed, we're just not close with. And there's two different parts of the groups of friends. There's one group of the friends that were longtime friends of Lindsey's that unfortunately, sometime at the end of last summer, we found out that they were just speaking a little out of school about things they didn't really know about, spreading some untruths for whatever the reasons were. And I'm not wired in such a way to run from things like that. If there's things that need addressed, I'm going to pick up the phone and call you or text you or let's have a conversation and address these things directly. I don't need to talk behind your back about, I heard you said this. I'm going to come right to the source and I'm going to say, this is what I heard. What is the deal? And so I do that in this situation. And this again was maybe October of last year. And I'm having a communication with these two individuals and ultimately what comes out of it is a bunch more lies. Like, I'm okay. We've all made mistakes. Like, I'm the king of mistakes. I've lied. I've cheated. I've done horrible things in my life at a different point in my life. So I don't judge anybody based off what they've done. It's just simply like this happened. Here's why and I'm sorry. Or here's how we can rebuild some trust based off it. Unfortunately, these two individuals just decided that they were going to lie and backpedal and not own their situation. No big deal. That's fine for me. Might have affected Lindsay more than affected me, but for me, I don't have any vested interest in these two individuals or their families. They've only been in my life as long as Lindsay has. So it's very easy for me to say, look, I don't need these people in my life or in my social circle anymore because they don't fit. They don't not fit because, I know double negative, they don't not fit based off the fact that they made a mistake. They don't fit because they can't own their mistake, because they're not sharing the truth about why they said what they said. They're stacking lies on top of lies instead of just owning the fact that it's not always fun to share the things that we said in moments of desperation. They said, I used to lie to everybody. I've shared before from 22 to 30, just dark years for me, maybe even 31. Like lying because of different girlfriends, lying about the successes I've had, lying about the money I've had, lying about just name something. I lied about it. I did it for insecurities and I did it for my own reasons that might have seemed valid in the moment, but now in hindsight were atrocious. Like I should never have done those things. But part of me being who I am now, I'm able to own those things and apologize to as many people as I can. And like I'm not the same man I was then. But I can own the fact that I was an idiot. Like I said, just dumb things. And so these two individuals just don't share the same edict right now. Like this isn't the path they're on. They're going to keep going down the path of they didn't say X, Y, and Z. And who the people are doesn't really matter. And what even they said doesn't matter. It just matters the fact of there's this part of Lindsay's social circle that we're no longer associating with. And we don't associate with them by choice. We don't have bad things to say about them. I don't think they're bad people. I think they have their own things they need to work through. And as they find time for that and it becomes valuable enough to them, eventually the day will come around where, you know, we'll have additional conversations and we'll find peace between us. Don't know if we'll ever all be friends again or not, but there'll be some sort of mutual understanding of peace. Well, this mutual understanding of peace will matter. You know, this would be something that I know for me, when I got to this point, it provided me clarity. Like I felt better as a person. And I hope they find the same thing. Because Lord knows, like it's horrible walking around thinking of all the lies that you've shared and then creating more lies to cover up those lies. Like that's just not a healthy way to live. But I put that aside because those people are out of our lives. They have been, like I said, since October or so. But there's a new development of a new group of friends or a new friend that at different points I'd conducted business with.

Personal Life And Experiences

Manchester United (04:27)

And again, it was during the days of owning my own custom clothing company, I suppose. In some capacity, I still own one, but it's not active. We don't do anything with it. It just kind of sits there. Admittedly, nothing will ever happen of it. We'll wind it down and there'll be nothing there. But in this environment, it was a husband and wife and I attempted to make one of the guys a shirt and it just didn't go right. Sometimes the orders just don't go right. Manufacturing slips up or our processes break and things just don't line up. And so we typically back then used to look at four to five weeks on a turnaround time. Look at the five or six weeks and I don't have answers for the guy and he keeps wanting answers on this shirt and it's a $100 custom shirt. Not that the dollar value matters, but to paint the picture. Like it's custom. I measure him.

My Experience (05:09)

He picks out the fabric, every design element and the shirt doesn't come in. And I speak to my partner that was in the UK at the time and neither one of us figure out what's going on with the shirt. So we end up getting two additional shirts for him. Like complimentary. I suppose one is complimentary. One would be one he paid for. He ends up charging back. And for those of you that don't know what that is, he calls his credit company and said, I didn't get my good or service. Give me my money back. Because in his mind, he shares that he couldn't reach me. And I'll assume that's true. I don't have any reason to think that this gentleman is telling an untruth. But I never got a message from him. But it's not ultimately his fault. It's my fault because me as the service provider, I never reach out to him to keep him abreast of the situation. Like I don't say I ran from it, but when I didn't have an answer to share with him, I just kind of hid. I cowered. And so for that, he charges back and that doesn't even create any amosting towards me. I don't blame him. I think it's a little strange because we're at least high-level acquaintances or mutual friends, whatever it would be. But he calls a credit company, gets his money back. I still make him the two shirts. I take him to an office that his wife owns and works at, leave him there, and then I text both of them from the parking lot. And I say, look, I wasn't able to see you.

Im Not An Asshole (06:21)

Probably my exact words were along the lines of, hey, I'm sorry X, Y, and Z happened. I want to let you know that I dropped off two shirts at the front counter. They're custom. One is above and beyond what you look for. Please just take them as a token of my appreciation for allowing me to attempt to conduct business with you. I get feedback from both of them of thank you. It goes a long way. And the other one is, you know, it's shitty that you didn't respond. Hope you conduct business better with that. And I take it on the chin, like he's right. Like I fucked up. I did something wrong. He didn't do anything wrong. I did something wrong. So I think it's past us. You know, we haven't seen this couple since then, but I'm not really thinking anything of it. Like it's, I'm certainly not running from anything. I apologize and own the fact I made a mistake and tried to make it better. I mean, let him keep his money and made him two custom shirts, you know, pretty insignificant deal. But now I understand the fact that these two individuals aren't coming to a wedding that we're all going to be at based off the fact that Lindsay and I are going to be there. I'm sitting there scratching my head this morning, like I'm bothered for a minute about the fact of these two people that in my mind, we're not close friends, but I'm certainly not a mortal enemy. I'm certainly not avoiding them. I certainly wouldn't imagine running from them if I saw them. I'd walk up and shake their hand and ask them how they're doing. But these are two people now that are literally not willing to show up to a wedding based off the fact of us being there. I'm like, man, this is crazy. So I pull up my text messages to make sure like I didn't miss something again and make sure the way that I'm remembering the story is exactly how it happened. And it's pretty close. You know, I'm off by a few syllables I'm sure here or there. But the broad brushstroke is about right. You know, I made a mistake. Owned the mistake the best I could. Delivered a product. Apologized again. Here we go. And so, you know, scratching my head, I show it to Lindsay. I'm like, man, I just don't get it.

It Doesnt Matter (08:04)

I don't know what to make of this. And it's bothered me. It's changing my physiology for just a moment. I'm like, man, I just, I don't like when people don't like me. I mean, and it's something I've worked through over the years. And maybe it's a thing I've always wanted to be liked or always seeking my dad's approval as a young man. But, you know, I realize now I'm not the same person. And Lindsay very quickly and very eloquently reminds me of that. Why does it matter? Why does it matter that they don't like you? And I can't come up with an answer. I don't have a reason as to why it matters that these people don't like me. Moreover, it doesn't actually matter that they don't like me. I feel good about the way that I handled a bad situation. Because again, that situation is not their fault. I made mistakes. Didn't follow up. I did follow through. It just wasn't in a timely manner. Like the bad part of the situation, I own. But I also own the good part. That I did everything I could to make it better. So the fact that these people don't want to show up at a wedding is so petty. And so interesting to me. It's like, man, why don't you just call me? If you have an issue with me, call me. Let's talk about it. Let's get together. Communication typically solves everything, but apparently I've done something so heinous and so horrible in their mind that they don't want to share space with me. More power to them. I fully realize now at this moment in life, there's a number of people that just don't like anything that comes out of my mouth.

Some People Just Wont Like Me (09:25)

Maybe they see me through the lens of how they saw me a year ago in June or July. Maybe they're looking at me in the lens of from two years ago or four years ago. Or maybe it's the 18-year-old kid that had just graduated high school. Maybe they're looking at me and judging me based off all the bad decisions I've made. Maybe they don't like me because of the way that I look or the way my mouth speaks or the way I sound. I don't know that it matters. More specifically, I know that it doesn't matter. Like I know that no matter what I do, I can't make everybody like me. I don't even everybody like me. I don't even need to give it energy and try. Because at the basis of who I am, I know that I'm a good person. I know that I'm trying to provide value. I know that I'm sharing my story as authentically as I possibly can. And sure, I have made mistakes and I will guarantee you as true as the fact the sun rises tomorrow, I'm going to make a shitload more mistakes. But I'll share them and own them and grow from them. Not live in an ivory tower and pretend that everything is magic and everything is perfect because it's not. But I've given so much energy over my time on this planet to try to fix the people that don't like me or even the people that I've wronged. Like I can't give them any more space than the fact to apologize and have it be sincere. Because again, if I make an honest mistake, let's even say it's a dishonest mistake. If I can own it and I'm sincere in my apology, I can't do anything more for that person. Now the burden of feeling negative rests upon them. It no longer rests upon me. So it's been this moment, this morning of understanding the fact that some people just don't fucking like me. And I'm sure that list, as this podcast keeps growing, as I keep being more active on social media, that list is going to grow. There's going to be a list that's greater and greater every day of the people that don't have good things to say about me. That's okay. Because the opposite side of that is every day there's going to be more and more people that have good things to say about me. That's okay. Because the opposite side of that is every day there's going to be more and more people that have good things to say about me.

My 18 Year Old Self (11:26)

People that find good in what I'm sharing. People that see that this is altruistic. This is something that's coming from inside my soul that I'm just sharing outwardly. They don't have a monetization path. There's no backdoor entry into this. This isn't to get some sort of finite result. This is to add value to the world and have this turn into something based off the value that I add. I mean, this costs time, energy, effort, money, name it, podcasts and the creation and the company costs money to do this. And I love it. Like I'm going to keep doing this shit as long as I possibly can, but I'm doing it for me. And so I think how many times in life have I not been doing things for me? How many times have I went down a path of trying to make somebody happy that really I don't give a shit if they're happy or not. I care that I'm happy. I care that Lindsey's happy. I care that Gianna's happy. I care that I'm being the highest and best version of myself every day. Other than that, I can't control any other environmental situation that ever arises. So I can't give those people any space in my mind any longer. So if I could go back and talk to my 18-year-old self that's just graduating high school, it's funny, I shared that as I posted a picture on Instagram today, a flashback of what it was like when I was 18. And a friend of mine, Kyle, Kyle Bacon, I commented like, what would I say to that 18 year old self? Like what lessons would I have taught him? Well, first is to tell the fucking truth. Like that's, that's number one. Like my life would be so much easier had I just always told the truth all the time, but that wasn't my plight. That wasn't what I was on at that point in life, but I wish I would have been. The next thing I tell them is just own where you're at. Own who you are. Don't be more or less than you are in the moment. Just live in the moment. Life is a process. Life is a progression. Life is a path with, unfortunately, a very finite end. We're all going to die. I guarantee you, if you listen to this podcast, you will die one day. None of us know when it is, but it's coming. That's the only certainty really in this life is that it ends one day. So live present, live in the moment, live for today. Look for tomorrow, but live for today, live for the moment. And probably the third thing that I'd have to say to that individual, my 18-year-old self, is don't give a fuck what anybody thinks about you. They don't live in your skin. They don't live in your mind. They don't know what you've went through.

Life Lessons From An Elder

Advice from an 88 year old (13:51)

They don't know what you're going through. They don't ultimately know where you're going to end up. So why rent them space in your mind? It's your own. Keep all that real estate. It's the most precious real estate you're ever going to have. So when I look at my 18-year-old self, and those are the lessons I teach my 18-year-old self, what would you teach yours? What would you go back and say to your just graduating high school self? Because the wonderful part is, if you close your eyes and you meditate, or you walk through your mind's eye, you can go back and have this conversation with your 18-year-old self. You can paint yourself a mental picture of sitting down with your young self and telling them that. And there's so much peace and clarity that comes from having those conversations with yourself and building a new frame to see the world through. And building that new frame is part of what I'm going to encourage you to do at the end of every podcast. It's going to be to put one foot in front of the other walking towards an ultimate goal. As you're walking towards that ultimate goal, you have to remember every day, no matter what goes on, you have to get shit done. Hey guys, Ryan here. Thanks for joining me today. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you consume audio and subscribe to 15 minutes to freedom. If this brought you value, please do me a favor and drop me a five-star rating. Then share this podcast with someone who needs to hear it. For additional content, head over to RyanNidell.com. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L.com.

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