Episode 211: You Are Ugly | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 211: You Are Ugly".


Note: This transcription is split and grouped by topics and subtopics. You can navigate through the Table of Contents on the left. It's interactive. All paragraphs are timed to the original video. Click on the time (e.g., 01:53) to jump to the specific portion of the video.


Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is You Are Ugly. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. you are ugly. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. In today's episode, I'm going to share with you why I know you're ugly and what you should do about it. Okay, so just by the very nature of how I start this episode, I know that there's something spinning inside of you. Like, what the hell is this guy going to say? Like, what do you mean I'm ugly? Now, obviously, I haven't seen you before, right? I have no idea who you are right now. I'd like to say that I know you. I hope that we've connected on social media. I hope you've dropped me an email at my website. I hope you've done something so I can put a face with a name. But by the sheer number of downloads I get versus the number of emails, I'm going to guess you are probably not one that has reached out. I feel compelled in this moment to ask you to reach out. Why not? I don't ask you for much of anything. Connect with me on Instagram, at Ryan Neidell. Connect with me through my website, ryanneidell.com. I don't care. I would love to have a better relationship with you. But in that, I got to talk about the ugly side of you. You see, I know that we all have stuff. Like I have stuff, right? Like you're listening to this podcast and you, you may have been along this journey in which I share my stuff, my ugly. Like I've shared the fact that I have been unfaithful in relationships, literally every relationship I've ever had, almost. Some of my first ones, not so much. I've shared the fact that I've had successes and then ultimately failures in business. I've shared the fact that up until last September, October, anabolic steroids were part of my everyday existence from the time I was 19 until 33. I've shared that I had almost no spiritual connection of any capacity. I've shared all types of crazy stuff, right? This is my ugly. This is it. And don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'm missing ugly. I'm sure there's a laundry list of people that exist in the world that could share with you additional ugly pieces about me that I might be leaving out. I by no means claim to be perfect. What I do claim to be is authentic and somewhat vulnerable in the fact that I just share this with you. I share with you when my wife's not feeling well. I share with you when my dog gets cancer. I share with you all types of stuff that is super unflattering, right? Like you've heard me cry on the microphone if you've been listening. I shared when my best friend Miles died. Like the list goes on and on of things that I've shared and times that I can remember crying. Those are things you're quote unquote not supposed to do, right? I think how many times in your life you've been told not to share that side of you. Not to share that ugly part of you. You know, I don't know anybody that when they cry they look their most attractive. Maybe you do. Maybe you're the one. But yet if we're all honest with ourselves, there's a part of us that wants to cry about a whole bunch of stuff. More times than we probably care to admit. And so when I say that you're ugly, it's that I know you have things as well that you've been almost walking away from. And granted, I don't think that this way that I have handled my ugly is for everyone.

Life Perspectives And Challenges

Right (03:46)

I get now that after 205 some odd episodes of a podcast or whatever number I'm on at this point, I get that this is not for everybody. Like you're listening and you might just enjoy taking some of the lessons that might just enjoy taking some of the lessons that I've learned and some of the stories that I've shared and just living vicariously and realizing that you're not alone. I love you for that. It's outstanding. You see, what's crazy is I don't listen to podcasts myself very rarely. And so I don't know if there's a lot of other people that share what I share. I could be one of one or I could be one of a hundred, but what I am is all just myself. And so by the nature of being all just myself, I can't really be wrong because I'm not comparing myself to anyone else. I'm just me. Just like you should just be you. And peeling back some of those layers of ugly that we hide for so long provides such power and such clarity in my life. Would provide it in yours as well. One of the things that held me back for so long was feeling I didn't have anybody I could share this with. Right, there's things that are going on. There's emotions I want to process. There's anger and sadness and everything that happens. Human emotions, daily things.

The Known Message (05:18)

But the fear of ridicule and judgment and shame and guilt had kept me from sharing who I really was. That sound familiar to you? Could that be you right now? Like bottling up your emotions, not knowing how to get rid of them, not knowing what to say to who. And it feels lonely. It's painful. But what I think is more interesting is what you do with that ugly and then what power you can find on the backside of it.

Usable Ugly (05:52)

You see, two years ago, I realized that I was ugly inside. And not that I was damned, not that there was some sort of massive deficiency. I mean, I just realized that I had all these things, all these stories, all these belief systems that I had never fought through. I'd never worked through. I never shared them the right way. And so my ugly was almost consuming me from the inside out. And so my ugly was almost consuming me from the inside out. Like it just wasn't a healthy setup for me. Just like it's not a healthy setup for you. At least not in my opinion. But through time, energy, effort, certainly more money than any one person should spend on trying to work on themselves, I started to realize there's a bunch of outlets for these emotions, a bunch of outlets for these stories, a bunch of ways to pivot belief systems. And then through finding the background story and through finding some sort of channeled outlet for my ugly, hence the podcast, I been able to gain power and I also even know my ugly like I know where the pitfalls are in my personality I know the things that I'm consciously aware of that I need to work on you see I truly believe that having that awareness of self and awareness of surroundings is one of the things that separates the good from the great. And yes, it might be polarizing to you right now for me to call myself great. The old me would have probably agreed with you, but the new me understanding how the brain actually works will encourage you to consider that you're actually great as well. You just might not have tapped into all your greatness. You might still be running from the ugly parts of you, but those ugly parts of you are necessary so the pretty or attractive parts of you can exist. I mean, it's not to get all spiritual or metaphysical on you, but I truly, truly do not believe you can have one without the other. You can't have a positive without a negative. You can't have a good without a bad. You can't have an ugly without a pretty. So the parts of you that you're not proud of also give you the power to be greater as a positive person as well. It just depends on which side you want to fight for. But those sides are sides you're in control of, just like I was in control of mine. You have a choice every day on how you show up. You have a choice on what to do with this energy. I understand that coaching might not be for everybody or performance optimization, whatever bullshit term I want to put on it. What to me is for everyone, what I wish I would have known I could find power in, is simply taking some time to be quiet in your own mind and then journaling out thoughts. If you want quietness of your own mind to be considered meditation, then by all means, pick up a meditation practice. But for right now, think of your life as it sits. How often do you have five minutes where you're not looking at your phone, not looking at a TV, not stimulated, not driving, not listening to music, that you're just silent? And if you can come up with five minutes, could you also come up with 10? And admittedly, if you come up with 10, could you push to 15? 15 minutes of silence in your own space in your own mind without technology will do wonders for how you think those wonders only get exponentially better when you begin to then journal what comes next because that's one of the craziest things when you finally get to quiet your own mind whether you call it meditation or just sitting quietly, there's things that come. And for some of you, you think this is absurd. You know, you right now might be sitting there thinking like, this guy has lost his mind. And I get it because the perspective that I would have had three years ago would have said there's no way that sitting quietly I'm going to get some sort of message. Message from who? I don't believe in God. I don't believe in any of this stuff. So where's this message coming from? Well, then I got out of my own head and just gave it a shot. And whether I want to call it God or a higher power or intuition or the universe or whatever I want to call it, there is messages that get streamed through me when I quiet my mind down. Things that I can't explain where they come from, all I know is when I write them down and I see them and I allow the thoughts to flow through me, it makes my life better. It gives me more clarity. It gives me more direction. It allows me to begin taking steps to work through the ugly parts of me. Because it's too easy to run from that part. I think of your life as it sits now. How many places have you been running from the ugly parts that you're not proud of? I bet a bunch. Like we all do it. Like I did it for, for years and years and years. I did that. Like ran from the ugly, like literally leaned in the opposite direction. Like, forget it. I just don't want to, I don't want to talk about those things. I don't own the fact I've been unfaithful. I don't want to own the fact I've had failed businesses. I don't want to own the fact that my truck has been repossessed. I don't own the fact that my wife had to float our family because I had no money. The minute I own that ugly and said it out loud, it no longer had power over me. I had power over it. And in having power over it, even if you as you're listening started to judge me, I no longer was judging myself. Because again, in the universal balance that I believe exists for every one of you, you yourself that might be judging me, there's another one of you that's like, man, I've been there too. And hence it's all balanced out. And that's the craziest part. Is that we run from this. We all run from this. We all have ran from this. And every once in a while, I catch myself running from it again, even though I've already learned the lesson or should have. But the lesson sometimes is not easy and quick to learn. And so in starting to just understand the fact that we all have ugliness inside of us, we all have pieces and parts that we're not proud of, and then working through why those exist, and then coming up with ways and strategies to leverage those ugly parts to find more success in the beautiful parts of you is incredibly impactful and powerful. beautiful parts of you is incredibly impactful and powerful. So even if you start just by journaling, you don't have to be as extreme as sharing a podcast or sharing live videos on Facebook or sharing posts on Instagram or telling your family members or sharing any of this stuff, but get real with yourself and start writing it out.

Think about your life (12:54)

Just stop carrying it. Stop carrying your ugly. It deserves to be outside of you so you can grow as a person. And so think about your life in this current moment, if you would. Think about your body and the ugly things that you've done with it, whether it's pain pills, whether it's consistent drinking, whether it's eating fried food, whether it's any combination thereof, how much ugliness really exists and how much are you running away from that ugly? How much better would your life be if you just owned that ugly and then made a shift around it? What about your relationships? What about the times you've had emotional affairs on your partner, but you've been too ashamed to ever own it instead of stopping and realizing why it's happening and finding ownership of your ugly?

Concluding Remarks

Todays Challenge (13:47)

How much better could your relationship be? Then think about your business and all the ups and downs and the things you've done that you're not proud of to try to get ahead because you thought that was the right way in the moment and you're not happy with what you did. Own that ugly and realize why it exists and find power and production on the backside of it. And what I can guarantee you is when you begin to own your ugly with ruthless commitment, you're able to get shit done.

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