Episode 212: Getting To Where You Want To Go | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 212: Getting To Where You Want To Go".
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This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Idell, and today's episode is getting to where you want to go. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the content. to where you want to go. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the content. In today's episode, I'm going to share with you why everything you know about goal setting may very well be wrong and what you should do about it. So I feel compelled today to share a little bit of what I share with my clients, my coaching clients. Oddly enough, as I am called to share this with you, this is not a ploy to get you to work with me. Admittedly, I have enough clients right now with 34 lovely individuals working in a one-on-one setting. I don't know if I have more time for more people. Maybe that's why I feel compelled to share this. You see, every person I work with, every person that I've come across, even myself included, we all want something more than we have, right? I mean, think about yourself right now.
Setting Goals And Strategies
How do we set goals (01:07)
Where in your life do you want more than you currently have? I'll take you right through how I address this with people that I decide to work with. Is it in your body? Do you want less body fat? Do you want more muscle mass? Do you want more muscle mass? Do you want more cardiovascular endurance? Think of anything that you want. The sky is literally the limit. See, there's old stories that run through most of our heads that we can't have too much. It's never a thing of not being able to achieve it. It's not knowing how to achieve it. Like if I say I want to run up Mount Everest in a pair of shorts only, I don't have any idea how to do that. I have no clue how to do that. I don't even know if it's been done before, but I don't need to know if it's been done before. I just have to figure out how to do it myself. So as you start setting these goals, you start coming up with ideas that pertain to your body, I encourage you to push as far out as you possibly can. This whole idea of realistic and achievable goals, we'll get to that shortly. And this is where I think most people fail certainly where most people fall down so you go from the body side of things and I believe in this four-dimensional reality this body being in balance and business idea the idea that was brought to me by wake up warrior Garrett J White's you know brainchild if you will and so as I pivot over into being I talk about what would you want in a spiritual connection, a connection to a higher power. And for me, that means a meditation practice. Like if you could fast forward and zoom ahead in life to whatever area that you're trying to achieve, whatever timetable you want to arrive at, and you were operating at 150% of the capacity you have now, what would your being or meditation or spiritual practice look like? What do you be leading a church group? Would you be maybe own your own church? Maybe be leading meditation retreats Maybe be able to transcend at a moment's notice like whatever the things are Dream big like dream bigger than anybody's given you permission to dream before You see if you set these goals and intentions for yourself based upon closing your eyes, feeling your heart, breathing in and out deeply, remaining calm, and allowing yourself just to own what you actually want, it changes things. In my humble opinion, society as a whole has kept us limited in our beliefs of ourselves and what we can do. Me sitting here as a 265-pound man, it seems almost incomprehensible to say, I want to run an ultramarathon next year. Well, sure. How would you do that? And we instantly start solving for the how before we even address the why. And the why is part of what matters, but I'll get back to that in a moment as well. So you go from the body of the being to the balance. Balance, as I view it, is not keeping things all in order in your life. Balance pertains to your relationships, your relationship with your significant other, your boyfriend or your girlfriend, your relationship with your siblings, maybe your relationship with your parents, even the relationship with friends. Like what would that be if you were much, much greater than who you are today? Again, we're not picking a timetable yet. We're just, you know, forecasting. We're talking about the future. What would that be? As it pertains to my clients, I talk about how often would you like to be having sex?
Like sex is not some taboo term to me. Sex is not some taboo term to me. If you're listening to this, you fit in one of two buckets, in my opinion. You are someone that is actively in pursuit of sex or you are someone that is actively having sex. That's it. Even if you have never had sex before, even if you're saving it for marriage, you are actively trying to find a partner. And then in that partnership, we, you know, have enough trust, mutual respect, and admiration for one another that eventually you get to the point of having the opportunity to be intimate. So we talk about what that looks like. Then we talk about business. This is always one, right? This is this one that's measurable. This is one that should be easy. I find this to be the hardest for most people. Because again, you get in your head. You're not in your heart. You get super cerebral with this. Well, I'm currently making $55,000 a year. And if I work really hard and I get the right raise, maybe I could make $65,000 next year. I'd like to make $65,000. Eh, wrong answer. That's your head talking. And your head has literally gotten you to exactly where you're at now. And by listening to this show, you're probably not optimized and living the way that you really want to live. You're searching for something greater. So I'm going to encourage you to consider the fact that maybe listening to your heart versus your head, once you figure out how to do that, can present a new reality for you. So we'll take this imaginary person I just referenced that's currently making $50,000 or $55,000 a year working for somebody else. Maybe this individual, it's his true or her true heart's desire to own a cattle ranch. Now, in owning a cattle ranch, there's no conversation about money. It's not, I want to own a cattle ranch so I can make a million dollars. It's, I want to own a cattle ranch. I think it would be great. I love cows. I love cattle. I want to drive them. That's what I want That is the actual goal that came from the heart we don't have to know the rest of it yet We just have to talk about what what it feels like now We have to pause for a second and realize why are we setting these goals? Why do these matter You see what happens in most people's lives is they set this hierarchy. And I've referred to this on some other shows, and I've certainly referred to it with my clients.
God vs you first (07:07)
The hierarchy that exists for most of us is putting God first, putting other people second, and putting yourself third. To me, in my opinion, as a 34-year-old man, that comes from the fact of being raised in a Baptist church, where you say over and over again, like, worship God, God is all, God is above everything. And I get that. I truly do from the sense of that sort of religious understanding. But by the nature of serving that God, it's do unto others as you'd want done unto you. And it's, you know, take care of your brother and all these things. Love thy neighbor. And nowhere in it does it say really to take care of your brother and all these things. Love thy neighbor. And nowhere in it does it say really to take care of yourself, at least not in the very few passages that I've got somewhat committed to memory. And so by the nature of that, you put yourself third. But in doing that, you actually allow everybody else to dictate how you feel. Because if you don't get the right emotional feedback from God or from other people, you feel empty. And so you start putting yourself first and you put yourself above all else, it creates a shift. It's just tough to get there because the rest of society is going to call you selfish for a moment. Like, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're not going to respond to my text message right now? You're not going to respond to my email right now? Wait, I need you to come over and help me with something. You don't want to do that because you want to read a book at home by yourself. And it skews people's view of what is possible. Admittedly, I think right now, if you are honest with yourself, there are plenty of times where you're doing shit for other people that you don't want to do because you feel obligated? How much better would your life be if you did not do that? If you did what you wanted to do and still through that were able to serve others? I know this is a very taboo subject. This is something that I get pushback from quite often. You see, what I believe again is that we are all unique. We are one of a kind. We are all divine in nature. We all have a connection to a higher power, no matter what it is that you currently believe in. By the nature of having a connection to a higher power or being divine in our own right, then if we take care of ourselves, aren't we really honoring a higher power? And through honoring that higher power, then aren't we more in power ourselves to pour into other people? It's all a frame shift. It's all creating a new reality for yourself. But in creating this new reality for yourself, we then talk about, okay, are the goals that you set, are the things that you want to do, are those based around other people's view of what you should do? Are those based around your heart's desire? Are those based around what's happening in, I'll say your mind, but it's not really. It's like in your soul. Are you putting yourself above all else and then forecasting your dreams? Because if you say you want to make 70 grand to take care of your family, then are you really honoring that commitment? Because your family inevitably wants to see you happy. And I must ask you a question right now. Do you think you produce more or less when you are happy? Do you think you produce more or less when you are fulfilled? Do you think you are more or less present for that family when you are happy? I mean, the answers are pretty self-evident, but we don't live life that way. And so what happens is you have these goals that you've written down that started from a head-based model, and you start diving into that, I'll call it heart-based model. Think of like, okay, this doesn't really align. Like, I wanted a six-pack because I thought it would make my wife happy. But when truth be told, I've always wanted to skydive. And that's just what, like I want to skydive. I've wanted to skydive forever. And that's what I want for my body. I want to be able to skydive consistently. That's fantastic. That's what you should do. And you start looking at all those different beliefs, all those different things that you want, all those different goals that you have. And once you've reworked those goals across body, being, balance, and business and figure out was my original goal actually the thing that serves my heart's desire, my soul's purpose, then you can pivot. That way you can start chunking it down to the things that are actually smart, specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time bound, which makes this much easier. You see, you don't have to know how to become a certified skydiver to say that you want to skydive and teach others. A goal is something that's so far away that you'd have to expand into a bigger capacity of who you are in order to achieve it. But we could reverse engineer this. We could work backwards. And I actually have the people that I work with chunk things down into 90-day increments. 90 days is self-serving for me. Most of my client engagements begin with a 12-week cycle together. That 12 weeks is actually 14 weeks, but the 12 weeks ends up being roughly 90 days. So I know if after the first week we sit down and we really dive into setting these goals that are set up the way that I'm sharing, then we can break them down into meaningful and impactful things in 90-day increments. And so let's say the body part of you, you want to be able to skydive and become certified. But at this point in the day, you haven't ever skydived once. Well, let's talk about expanding your capacity in the next 90 days. You'd start to skydive. You'd start to skydive consistently. You'd start to research how to become certified in skydiving. You'd probably sign up for a class in skydiving so you could become an instructor. And you'd set all those things out, right?
The daily routine (12:49)
Like these are all the things you could do over a 90-day period. Well, then it's not enough just to say them, right? Because the human brain doesn't actually work that way. Like, sure, I know I need to take a class. What we force or what I force people to do is sit down and look and say, okay, I need to take a class. What we force or what I force people to do is sit down and look and say, okay, I need to take a class. I need to take a class by week six. I need to take a class by week six, by noon on Wednesday. And then every week leading up to that, we talk about how to achieve that, like where you're researching, where are some places you could find help from? Who are some other people that have done this before? You start pushing and condensing. You start creating that, I'll call it the funnel, where you start at the top with like, I know I want to do this crazy thing, but we're forcing you almost to a point where you have to take action. Same thing as we talk about this cattle ranch idea. Like the idea is to own a cattle ranch one day, but you're currently working inside another business. You're going to have a lot to overcome. But it's not really overcome, it's more to get clear on. So in that 90-day period, what would you do to make that happen? Well, you'd probably start researching how to run a cattle ranch. You'd probably start researching a different type of steer.
Take time and lay out a calendar. (14:04)
how to run a cattle ranch. You'd probably start researching different type of steer. You'd probably try to reach out to somebody that's already done it once before to get insight from. And you do the same thing that you did in the body quadrant. You start reverse engineering it. Then we start to create time-bound commitments. But in those time-bound commitments for both of those, we have to double check that it still fulfills our heart's. Like, did we want to own a cattle ranch because somewhere in the back of our mind we remember watching a western movie when we were young and you think it'd be cool? Or is it something that's actually calling to you? Because when you start to break it down in time bound commitments, it becomes much more real. You see, where I see most of my clients succeeding, where others have fallen short, is the accountability. One of the reasons working with someone helps is you have an accountability partner. It's not easy to sit face-to-face on a phone call with me, through Zoom is how I do it, and look at me and tell me that you didn't care enough about yourself to honor your commitment to you. You're not honoring it to me. If you decide to work with a coach one day, you're not honoring the coach. You're not honoring it to me. If you decide to work with a coach one day, you're not honoring the coach, you're honoring yourself. Because again, we go back to that hierarchy. If you don't put yourself first and honor your word to you above all else, how do you expect anybody else to honor their word to you? Or your word to them? So you really start to take these action items and then you list out how it's going to go. I take time. It's going to take you a couple hours to do this the right way. Then you take time and you lay out a calendar. Like what does 90 days actually look like? How am I going to make it fit? What, what days of the week am I going to do all this stuff by? And then in the business side of things, I actually break it down into one more additional subset of information. Something that, again, I learned from Wake Up Warrior, but something that I implement consistently. It's called the one door and the four keys. If you have a massive 90-day goal, which you absolutely should as it pertains to business, look at really eight, nine, ten impactful things that would have to happen in order for that goal to be realized. So if we'll say it's a cattle ranch, it could be anything from buying a ranch to buying steer to buying a pickup truck. A lot of buying there. So this is a tough example. But in that, you'd have to break it down into four individual action items that you could do each week that if they fell over in sequential order, you knew that that one big thing would happen.
One door, four keys. (16:18)
So I'll say you want to start a cattle ranch and the first thing you decide you want to do is build a website. That is fantastic. Build the website. So what do you have to do to have a website? Well, you have to buy a domain, right? You'd have to have something to call it. You'd have to buy a template. You'd have to buy some sort of web template in order to have a placeholder online. You'd have to create content for the website and you'd probably want to sync up your social media handles to it. And so as long as in this next seven day period, you did at least those four things, nothing more, you got to call that week a success. Because it's tough, right? I mean, think about your own life. Think about how many times you probably sat down, wanted to do something, wanted to achieve a goal, and then life gets in the way. Kids need something. Girlfriend or boyfriend needs something. I'm in Ohio right now. Weather gets bad. Roads get bad. Don't want to go outside. Don't want to do it. And the old you, the survival pattern based you, keeps you stuck. Roads get bad. Don't want to go outside. Don't want to do it. And the old you, the survival pattern based you, keeps you stuck. You stay exactly where you're at. And you don't actually achieve anything. And in not achieving anything, you slow yourself down. And then you just decide eventually, like, ah, screw it. That goal was too lofty. It's not really too lofty at all. Like you have the power to achieve anything you want to achieve. You just simply have to find it within yourself. And what I say is as long as you do those four things every week, as the rest of the week spins and goes out of control, you get to pat yourself on the back on the next Sunday saying like, I did it. I achieved it. I'm one step closer. Think if you did that in your own life for 52 weeks straight. Think if you had 52 major things that you broke down into four sequential items every week and you actually took the time and dedication to check them off and make them happen. Think of all the people you know in your life, how much further ahead than them you would be. There is a specific reason as to why I am at where I'm at. It is not by chance. None of this is by chance. Myself, the team, the people that I surround myself with, we talk about goals and movement and what's happening, and we are Weeks if not months ahead of whatever comes out on the show Same thing with marketing materials same thing with coaching clients same thing with group coaching Same thing with the event. I'm going to have at the end of the first quarter next year Same thing with the event. I'm gonna have at the end of the third quarter next year something with the TED talks and the book launches and the PR push. We're so far ahead in how we think that I can't really be caught flat-footed when something goes wrong because things are going to go wrong. Again, this morning I woke up and in Columbus, Ohio, there's about an inch of ice on everything. I had every reason in the world to stay at home, shut it down, and I could have. I have three of my four keys done this week. I'll get the fourth one done on Saturday. I know I'm one step closer. So think about your life and how much power you would have if you just started breaking things down to the level you could actually achieve them and then found somebody to hold you accountable. Don't get me wrong. My coaching program, other gentlemen that I know, other people inside the code team, most people I know go way, way deeper than just simple accountability. But it's where things start. Because more than likely in your life right now, the reason you haven't achieved what you're capable of achieving is not because of lack of desire. It's lack of execution. It's like a follow-through. It's lack of accountability. I start looking at these goals and figure out that the head-based model doesn't serve you and the heart-based model is how you should really do things.
How to Find Your Insights (20:19)
And you stop listening to other people. and then you create the lofty goals and then you reverse engineer them into things that are impactful in 90-day increments and then you break the 90-day increments down into weekly action items. Then you find somebody to say the weekly action items to that's going to support you. That's when it's going to tell you you're crazy. Someone's going to say, yes, you should do that.
Break Your Goals Down into Steps (20:42)
I love it. Let me know how I can help. Find that person. Share with them what you're going to do and then check back in with them the next week and honor it enough, your relationship to them, that if you don't complete it, you feel incredibly guilty and you're pushed to achieve more the week after. What about you? But with me before, setting goals was all based around other people. It was all based like, I want to make a million dollars. Well, for what? Well, because I want a private plane. Okay, well, for what? Well, because I want to fly around places more quickly. Yeah, but for what? Why? Really, it's because I value my time, and more specifically, I think it'd be cool to tell everybody I fly in a private jet. Not really doing it for myself, I'm doing it for other people, because truth be told, as long as I get to where I want to get to, I don't really care. And I actually like going through airports and dealing with different people and meeting new people. Flying in different parts of the plane, having new conversations. It's not really all that bad to me. But these are all stories that I was serving others. So where in your life right now, number one, is your hierarchy maybe backwards? Where are you putting others before yourself and not honoring your commitment to what you believe you should do? Is it in your body? You know, I did it forever.
Prioritizing Personal Time
Prioritizing Yourself (22:06)
Maybe you're lifting weights, lifting heavy stuff, putting it up, setting it down, because you feel like having big muscles is a requirement in order to keep the woman or man that's in your life. When really inside, all you might want to do is just work out because you enjoy it. Maybe it's inside your relationship. Maybe because your parents love your partner, love the person you're with, you're staying with them, when you know inside your heart it's not the right fit. But instead of having a tough conversation, just go through life a little bit miserable or at least less happy than you could be. And maybe it's inside your business. than you could be. And maybe it's inside your business. Maybe you're the one that is working for somebody and you feel morally obligated because your boss is now your friend or your boss got you a job or gave you an opportunity and you're friends with his son. And there's all types of different ways it could be. But in that, you're not doing what you ultimately want to do for yourself. And so you're not honoring you and you're actually making the relationship worse i think about those things how many of those could apply to your life right now i know at any given point in my life all of them could have applied until i realized that they did apply and i started making changes that they did apply and I started making changes. And in making those changes every day,