Episode 224: Ryan & Lindsay - Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 224: Ryan & Lindsay - Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends".


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Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes of Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is with my beautiful wife, Lindsay. Hi, everyone. Hello, sweetheart. Hi, baby. Today I want to talk about why men and women can't be friends. Now, this is something that you and I don't see eye to eye on necessarily. Not always. I mean, I think that there are some instances that it might be okay for men and women to be friends, but you look at it at a very different way than I do. Yes. I look at it like a man with male genitalia. It's going to be way different. I just call it what it is. If I'm friends with a woman from where I sit, it's for one of, I guess I can say three reasons. One, if I had a kid with her, I would have to remain friends with her. By the nature of that though, I would have wanted to, and then been proven to sleep with her. A child would mean that that had to happen at least once correct i could be friends with someone going forward because i'm thinking about trying to sleep with them or kind of plotting planning wanting to see how they look without clothes on or the third variable is they have bags full of money that are associated with propelling my success and I have to be friends with them. Oh, okay. That's it. That's all there is on my side. Okay. So you've never just been friends with a woman to get their point of view on things? Or how women's mind works? No. Or to get advice for a potential girlfriend from a girl like a girl is an actual just friend. No. No. OK. I mean, guys, I'll direct it right to you. And I'll even say women. Screw it. This doesn't matter. I don't love the hierarchy of having numeric systems to put value on attractiveness. Right. But I know how to quantitate this without saying it that way. I don't care what number you view yourself as. Let's just imagine whoever's listening, if you're listening right now, you're guaranteed to be a 9 or a 10. That's right. All I hear is varsity blues in my head with that guy, the big fat one, like, 10! She's a fucking 10! That's all I can hear when you say that. The teacher that was older, that was a stripper. I love that movie. Of course you know that. Of course. Because it's a stripper i love that movie yeah of course you know that of course it's a stripper and she's older yeah dark hair fake tits i mean the whole thing oh man like put the rubber stamp on that one fucking tin i'm taking her home but in saying that if we're all nines or tens and you see someone the way that your eyes perceive their attractive level is a five. Not judging people, but if that's the way that your eyes are reflecting back their image into your mind.

Understanding Attraction And Approach

This is a problem (02:41)

You're not sexually attracted to them. Yeah, you just aren't going to go up and talk to them. Like, I don't care what their fucking opinion is. Oh, man. No, it's like I need to say this out loud i don't what is so what she's going to tell me how women think well i'm going to guess that the way the five five things is not like a ten i got you okay so she has some friends that are tens right because girls run on packs and we all have different levels always the ugly friend well and i hate to even say that, right? Because truly this isn't even me pontificating a situation. There are a million flavors of ice cream and a million different people eat them. Yeah. What I find to be beautiful, you, someone else would look at it and say, look, she's too slender. She doesn't have enough of an ass. She's too opinionated. Name something, right? Perception is your reality. You get super offended, right? Like you're literally like almost grumpy at the fact that I said that someone could find you not to be attractive. No, I'm not grumpy at that at all. I have a, I have a weird thing about my weight right now when people talk about my weight, because I have lost a significant amount of weight because of my health stuff. And so I don't, I've always looked strong and not skinny. And right now I look skinny. So when somebody comments about how I look skinny, it gets under my skin and makes me feel a little bit insecure for a second. Cause I can't help it. I'm working on it, but I hate looking skinny and not strong. And what's wild is we'll just move on from that. No, I'm going to poke at you for a second. When I first met you, you didn't look strong.

Is a 10 attractive to some guys? (04:21)

Yeah. You weighed about as much as you do now. Yeah. No, I, yeah, I might've weighed a little bit less, but I was also like extremely unhappy in my home life. Very stressed out, like going through separation, divorce, that whole thing. Like it was the, the stress on my body. Just my body just drops weight instantly when it's under stress, like instant. Perhaps as you're listening, that means I'm going to get sort of paperwork done on the No, not at all. Based off of last week's episode. No, no. This is a totally different deal here. This was an actual health issue, not a mental stress deal. Okay. All right. But I say all that around the fact that we all have what we find to be attractive. And so what is a 10 to me might not be a 10 to you. Right. I get it. But if there's that girl that's running in the pack that does not seem to have the same external viewpoint that I'm trying to receive, I don't find her as attractive. point that I'm trying to receive, I don't find her as attractive. The only reason I'm going to befriend with her is to try to get closer to the women that I think are attractive. I don't even really care what she has to say. I mean, I'm fascinated right now. I don't know how you're fascinated.

Does making a girl laugh work? (05:36)

Like at some point, some guy has to stand up and just own this stuff. Like, so you're going to talk to the five and befriend her ish to get close to the 10 or just for the introduction that would have been the old school that would have been the weak watered down version of what I would have thought in my early 20s would need to happen to get to the 10 I got you okay I would have thought, I'm in the gym. Most likely there's a flock of, a flock of seagulls over there and a flock of birds. And I'm trying to go over and grab one or two to take home. Got you. Not at the same time. I was never into that. I mean, not the same time in the same instance. I obviously was a piece of shit and had multiple girls. I was just going to say, wait a minute. What? Yeah. I want to make sure you're all about the same time I got you I want to qualify that the right way and so I would have thought okay I'm not attracted enough strong enough confident of my own self don't have enough money I can't go talk to the one I think is a 10 like I'm gonna look at her I'm gonna think about it but I know if I go talk to the six, six and a half, she really can't tell me to go fuck myself because I'm at least at her level. And as long as I'm nice to her, as long as I can make her laugh a little bit, play the game the right way, get her to smile, not be too flirtatious. I don't want her to get the wrong idea. Just nice enough. Then I know when I leave that group, there'll be a little buzz of like, hey, this guy, he's not too bad. Like you made me laugh. His name's Ryan. We should get together with him. That's what I'm hoping for. Now I see all the flaws in that. Like, at this point. Yeah, that's not really how that goes down. But, yeah, I got it. Well, yeah, my current stance and how I would view the world. And if you're listening in single and you want to find, you want to go up and talk to the girl that you imagine being with, you want to go up and talk to the girl that you imagine being with, you take two minutes, two hours, two days, two months to get your own shit right. Like you figure out where your power comes from. You figure out where your confidence comes from. You figure out where your humor comes from. You just get you right. And then you walk right up to the girl that's a 10. You extend your hand and you introduce yourself. And there's no sort of game or slick thing that has to go on. You don't have to DM her a million things or show her your penis. Like you don't have to do any of that stuff. No. And women respond to that much better.

I shake my head (07:49)

I would much rather have a man come up to me and say, hi, my name is Joe Schmo. I think you're attractive or beautiful or doesn't have to, that's usually what happens but that doesn't work either hold on let me finish or they say like hi even kirk's shaking his head no that is legit what i get all the time hi i'm i'm ben i think you're gorgeous has that ever worked no time in your life but what has worked is like hi my name is ben and you know i have noticed you a couple times i i would like to get to know you. What's your name? Or I'd like to take you out for a coffee.

Attraction (08:28)

Or just something. Man, that is so weak. That actually worked. It does work. You went out with a Ben that wanted to take you out for a cup of coffee. Have I ever dated a Ben? I don't care about the name. A Ben situation. Some guy has said that to you sometime in the past. It has to be 15 years now. Yeah. Plus, I don't care who, but has something like that actually worked? Yeah, I've gone to get coffee with somebody that, like, to be honest, I probably wasn't attracted to them. I probably wouldn't have, like, really gone on a date with them.

Being Direct (09:00)

But I was so impressed that they worked up the balls to come up and say something and just be forward and like that part was cute like it was attractive to actually own something and be like you could see that the guy was like holy shit I can't believe I'm doing this but would say you know I would like to take you out for a cup of coffee would you join me for a cup of coffee like well shit okay like this dude like I'm not gonna smash his soul he just he clearly like really got it together to ask me I'm gonna go have a cup of coffee with him but all the dude wants to do is smash I know and I'm not smashing I'm not expectations I mean man this episode's not taking a sharp left turn and I love it I'm in the driver's seat so I'm pressing the gas pedal as as this would happen this becomes sales to me. And I see the world differently now, right? I have nothing to lose. I have a wife. She's not going anywhere. I'm not out trying to pick up chicks. Super easy for me to say this now. The me of certainly five years ago before I met Lindsay and everything prior to that, I admittedly was not secure in myself or had the presence of mind to actually do this. But I should have always done this because now I see that it works. If I walk up to you anywhere in the country, I don't care if you're in the gym, I don't care if you're at Kroger, grocery store here in Columbus. Grocery store is a big one for getting hit on all the time. I don't care if it's a gas station. Yeah. If I walk up to you, I maintain eye contact, I don't look at your breasts, I don't look at your ass. You don't catch me doing it. I've already done it before I come up to you. We might as well just Call that what it is Men if you're saying You don't do that You're fucking lying Knock it off Yeah we know you do anyway We do Whether you got them Out on display Whether you're concealing them I'm checking out The merchandise before I buy it Or at least try to pull out My credit card And see if I can afford it But I walk up to you Maintain eye contact I smile I extend my hand And say hello my name is Ryan And your name is You have no choice You're going to tell me your eye contact, I smile, I extend my hand and say, Hello, my name is Ryan and your name is? You have no choice. You're going to tell me your name. All I have to do is get you to say something and guide you in the conversation. If we're outside of the gas pump, man, it sure is cold out today, isn't it? You're going to be confused like, yeah, what, why? Then I have to make you laugh. The next progression is to get you to laugh. Every man thinks it's money, cars, status, muscle. It is humor. It is. Eye contact, directness, confidence, and humor. You cannot be that attractive. You cannot have that much money. You cannot have a nice car, a nice job. As long as you're trying, all that shit gets pushed to the side. Yep. Listen to him, gentlemen, because this is true. Make her fucking laugh and the whole thing of like the the man i remember when i was young there was like the pickup artist was a show on vh1 oh yeah that guy was super creepy i would never like i remember watching that show being like i would never go out with that dude and then listening to some of some of his stuff like holy shit that's fucking brilliant yeah like the neg oh my god you open with a neck yes but the neg is just to take you get a girl of high value that's so used to every person on the planet come out literally kissing her feet like how many times has an attractive woman heard you're so beautiful oh my gosh i would love to take you out you're not original yeah you're not original at all no likeive women hear that all the time.

Pick up Artist (11:31)

Walking up to a woman, making her laugh, pointing out something that would potentially, and again, I don't like the mental games that can get played here, but if you can establish a small amount of hierarchy based off an insecurity, you got a better shot. It's crazy. Hi, my name is Ryan. And your name is? You tell me it's Lindsay. Sure is cold out, isn't it? Yeah. Why are you saying all this to me, basically? And you're at the gas pump. So do you always put the cheapest gas in your car? All I've got to do is get you thinking, like, I'm diverting the conversation and taking it somewhere you don't think it's going. Yep. Then you come back around with a joke. Anything. And not some cheesy pickup line of like, you know, are you tired because you've been running through my mind all day? That shit's also not going to work. Not for most people. Got to come up with something situational that shows you're aware of the surroundings and what's going on. Come up with anything in the world. Slowly, as you walk up to her, glance inside the car and find something in there to make a conversation about. Look inside of her shopping cart. Like, what do you plan on doing to that cucumber? Laugh and smile. Right? Like, you would laugh. Yep. Obviously, you're planning on cooking dinner with it. Like, I already know what it is, but it's a double entendre, the sexual innuendo that you could be doing something inappropriate with that. Yeah, and if I think you're cute and attractive, then I'll laugh at it. If you're, like, a weird dude and creepy, I'll probably tell you to get the fuck away from me. No, let's play that out for a second. Yeah. You think I weird dude and creepy, I'll probably tell you to get the fuck away from me. No, let's play that out for a second. You think I'm weird and creepy. You're like, um. I'm cooking dinner with it. Have a nice day. Like I'm a straight bitch about stuff like that. Sure, but you're not going to say have a nice day because I've been around you. You're saying I'm making dinner with and you're going to shut down and retreat. You're not. Almost no woman gets that direct unless she's truly like at the end of a rope and you shouldn't be there after 30 seconds. Yeah. It's not happening. So you you're married it's also a different thing that's true if you're if you're single and the guy is not atrocious to look at and he says what are you doing that cucumber and he laughs and you're like i'm making a salad you do pervert like i'm eating dinner yeah man i get it so do you you sound like your go to like just keep flowing with the conversation, like don't sit there like an idiot bumbling like, oh, fuck, that line didn't work.

The Approach (13:50)

You have to have something ready. If she says she's making dinner. Cool. I got to ask you making dinner for yourself or for somebody else. Yep. Making at that point, if she says I'm making dinner for my boyfriend and I man I great he's a truly lucky guy have a phenomenal day my name is Ryan again by the way leave super easy there'll be a chance statistically 55% of relationships don't end up at the finish line if you play your cards right and you're nice enough and you always say hi to the same person at the same time you have a higher possibility of ending up with that girl so you're saying there's a chance every time but all this goes back into same time, you have a higher possibility of ending up with that girl. So you're saying there's a chance. Every time. But all this goes back into the fact that men and women cannot be just friends because the men are like me if they're honest with themselves. We are. We are sexual creatures. I believe in our genes. It's encoded. I don't care about the Bible or any of that stuff. I truly think if you just took 100 men and lined them up together, you said, okay, you got any chance in the world. You can literally consistently scour the earth, eat great food, make a bunch of money, have great relationships so you get bored of them, and go find somebody else. And you just keep sleeping around forever. I believe 95 of the men would say, I'll take that. I believe 5% would be confused like it's a trap that their wife planted for them so they wouldn't say yes. Every man would say yes. Now, women, on the other hand, you offer that same opportunity. 10% are going to have more of a masculine energy and think that would be a great way to live. The other 90% are like, that doesn't sound fun to me at all. I'm fine with one guy. No, it sounds terrible to me. I want to raise a family. I like my family, yeah. I want to be at home. It's just different.

How I design my world, and the person you would choose to share with. (15:49)

But because it's so different, everything around how we live our lives is different. But you as a woman, you would say, well, no, men and women can be friends. Yeah, but I mean I see it differently, right, because I don't have that. I don't size every man up sexually. If I find a man attractive, and back in my single days, if I saw a man that I thought was attractive, I would know within 30 seconds of speaking with him whether or not I would want to sit down and have a conversation with him, sleep with him, go on a date with him, something. sleep with him, go on a date with him, something. And if I didn't, then it's like, okay, well, he seems like a nice enough guy, but you know, I don't really need to pursue it. But I would never ignore him if he said hello, or hey, you want to grab a cup of coffee or something, then it becomes for women, it becomes a game to fix them, to help them. You know, you feel bad for them. It's like the little brother syndrome where it's like, you know, he kind of is crushing on you a little bit, but maybe, you know, he's trying to get into a new place of power for himself or trying to get a new job or trying to win a different girl or something. And, you know, maybe men play that game where, you know, I think this girl is cute, but I don't know how to talk to her because they're really trying to, to seduce or talk to the girl they're with. I don't know how you men play that game. But for women, if I don't find you attractive, I'm not going to sleep with you. I don't see you as like that man energy for me, then I'll befriend you, of course. And it doesn't bother me at all, whether you want to sleep with me or not. But then it becomes like a, how i help you how can i fix you how can i how can i make like you have that masculine energy for somebody who will be attracted to you and like give you tips and insider trading on women's mind that's just messed up it's not that no you women fuck us all up nope because i came into this frame in this hypothetical situation i came in trying to close you. Yeah, but I'm not having it.

Life, (17:41)

And then you sit around and you teach me how to be a better man. And then let's say I listen because I'm still thinking in the back of my mind, all right, if I do all this stuff, then it sounds like I'm going to be up her alley. And then I get to this point where you're like, this is awesome. Like, you've changed so much. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, go fly, little bird. And then I say, great, so can I take you out? And you're like, no. As a man, I'm sitting there saying, what in the hell just happened? I didn't change. I wanted to hook up with you the whole time. And that's another thing. You've went and spent time with people you didn't imagine sleeping with. Of course. Why? For just what I just said, like the first meeting, meeting number one one someone asks you out you don't imagine like you can't even like like I don't think I'd ever really sleep with this guy but I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee with him I'm gonna grab a dinner with him a cup of coffee's weak we'll say dinner or lunch but I really wouldn't go like if I didn't find them attractive enough to where I would because it's all physical when you first meet somebody I have no idea what their mind track is and how they think or how they postulate things. I have no idea if they can hold conversations. I have no idea what their job is or what their background is or family life, nothing. But what I can see is what's physically in front of me, which I either find attractive or I don't. So I'm not going to have a dinner or a lunch with somebody because that's time and effort and money for both parties if I don't find them attractive enough physically to want to spend time with them because I can find somebody extremely attractive and I've been on dates where I'm like this guy is hot it's going to be great and then we sit down and have dinner and I'm like he is stupid not happening and that's instantly like you could be a 10 and you are now a 5 and I'mity knocked it down that much for you. Oh yeah. I don't, I can't, I don't like stupid, like to not be able to have a conversation with somebody long term or even across a dinner table or it just, it has to go somewhere. Like no humor, no wittiness, no banter. I'm out. How much do you think about how a guy looks like naked when you meet him? No humor, no wittiness, no banter. I'm out. How much do you think about how a guy looks like naked when you meet him? It's not a huge thing. Women do check out the hands.

Holds Hand in public (19:53)

I do, at least. Look at their hands. It's literally a dick measuring contest. I don't think that that particularly matters, but it's like a thing. So it doesn't matter. Genitalia size is not on the, not on your, is it top 10, top five? Oh man, I really don't want to get into this.

Is it more important to men than to women? Does size matter? (20:12)

We got to get into it. This actually matters. This is where the conversation is bouncing to. Um, I think that yes, size does matter. I think that for me personally, God, this is so inappropriate. My parents are going to kill me. I think that probably width is more important to me than length. But how, like, I mean, I'm glad you take it there. I wasn't looking to go anywhere near that far, but okay. Kurt's dying. I'm way more curious on, you meet a guy. This is where Doug inserts the purple fucking eggplant emoji over on and some squishy sounds like but you meet a guy yeah no I don't size up like how big he's going to be in his pants I don't size up when does that cross your mind are you already considering sleeping with them or is that something that gets you to consider sleeping with them I probably am already considering sleeping with them or is that something that gets you to consider sleeping with them i probably am already considering sleeping with them i don't i've never like looked across the table like man i really wonder what he looks like naked like i can for for men like we can kind of like women can tell but for me i like big dudes right so when i saw you and i'm like he's gonna look amazing naked because he's got big round muscle bellies, and I think that's hot. So I don't, like, I can size up a guy that way. Like, does he take care of himself? Same with women. Does he take care of himself? Is he in the gym? Does he, you know, is he tight and put together, or is he sloppy? Same thing that men do with women. Yeah, I suppose so. As I'm sitting here. I mean, that's no different than you looking at a woman and being like obviously what does she look like naked but how how big are those tits going to be when I take them out for sure I think that way more than you know size of uh size the south of the border well I don't think did it I mean does that cross a man's mind on what's going on in a woman's pants is that a thing yeah I mean I know everybody cross a man's mind on what's going on in a woman's pants? Is that a thing? Yeah. I mean, I know everybody's different.

Deep Dive On Relationships And Friendships

I wonder how big her vagina is (22:08)

Everybody's pieces and parts are different. A little bit. But I've never heard that before. Like, I wonder what your vagina looks like. I'm not taking it there. We don't have to get so specific with the vulgarities. This is a family show. I said the proper name. Vagina? I said vagina. You did say vagina. my god no this is not a thing of uh you know knowing how the pieces and parts are aligned down there for me it's more you know manicuring it's more of you know how many miles are on the tires like wow there's pieces and parts that i've how many miles are on the tires that's a interesting way to put it but like you've dated women who've had multiple children yeah that's a factor into your miles on the tires there you know the first time I had dated a woman that had kids or seen a woman in less clothing that had children I was super nervous because I'm thinking like I have, it's like I'm Lewis and Clark exploring, exploring a part of the world that's never been seen before. I have no idea what's coming, right? Like that's, that's, that's never been my life.

The first time dating a single mom (22:37)

And then I, you know, the, everything, the, the, the, the wrapping paper comes off and you realize all the pieces and parts are pretty consistent. Right? Like it's not a – it's like you have a kid. Yeah, I have a kid.

After having a kid, women can still be freaky (23:33)

My body looks exactly the same except for like a little bit of extra skin at the very bottom of my stomach that really unless you're like looking at me at a certain angle as I'm bending over, you can't really tell. When only you know that. Like I didn't know you before that. So I won't know that as a comparative measure. Right, right, right. No different than anybody that I've dated that had kids. Like I didn't know them before. I mean, I had an almost eight pound baby and I'm a very small person. Yeah. There's another thing too. There's plenty of women that I will say have not had children that have, you know, they should probably be, you know, rotating, balancing or maybe just putting on some new tires. The tires are shot. There's also plenty of women that have. This is great. That have children that the tires are like brand new. Yeah. Like that part hasn't been unlocked. Right. part hasn't been unlocked right like I believe sexual chemistry comes from especially as a woman's concern emotional connections and a true understanding and the feeling of supported and being fulfilled and all those things that until that really happens and you meet your match there or someone at least makes you feel like you've met their match that that part is typically dormant unless you have a massive amount of masculine energy present inside of you because you're more subdued and you might not be open to so many things and so there's a chance those women even though they've had children it was more for literally because of how we started our conversation they want to stay at home and raise kids yes it doesn't mean they're just freak nasty like it doesn't mean that at all we are entertaining the shit out of kurt today.

Can men and women be friends? (24:29)

Today is a good show. I like this show. I'll start me from the fact of just men and women can't be friends. So, I mean, I guess from a man's point of view, you cannot be friends. From a woman's point of view, I feel like I could be friends with a man just fine. Now, whether or not he feels like he wants to sleep with me or is looking for something more, I can't speak to that. wants to sleep with me or is looking for something more, I can't speak to that. I will say that if I in the past have discovered a man to want to have sexual relations with me or some kind of romantic interest that I cut it off. That it's like, you know, I'm not, I think you're wonderful. I'm just not interested in you in that way. So at this moment, how many male friends do you have that you're speaking to on a once a week basis? None because I'm married. Like the only men I speak to regularly are you, my dad and my brother, your ex-husband and my ex-husband. Yes, my ex-husband. And he, okay, he and I are friends, but it's a different, it's a co-parenting friendship. It is not, I'm not calling to catch up with him on how his week was. co-parenting friendship. It is not, I'm not calling to catch up with him on how his week was. We speak in pertinence to our daughter. So before you and I got together, how many men did you have that you were just friends speaking to once a week? Um, two actually. And how many out of those two men men now that you are with somebody married did you realize in hindsight would have certainly liked to do the horizontal tango with you one one out of the two what happened to the second one um nothing nothing moved moved like moved out of state has a wife and family and like normal person not anything that was ever in like just genuine and most of these people I met through work these were you know people that were interns and residents in our hospital that just you go through so much with

Discussion with Dr Carrie about Platonic Friendships (26:27)

these people and you're there all the time that you genuinely get to know them and care about them and so you speak to them often and obviously work with them every day that you care about them truly as people because veterinary medicine in critical care and specialty medicine is a shit show and like you don't get any sleep you're on call and it's crazy and i see you circle everything circle in the drain like you have a genuine bond with all of the people within that kind of a hospital community so like everybody stays in touch for years but how it is with residents and interns they move away and so you're not speaking to them on a daily basis anymore. So the person that moved away, was he married before he moved away? I believe they were engaged. They were certainly, like I'm poking and asking these questions. Yeah, I don't know what you're looking for. I mean. Because there's a point where this dude wanted to smash. I don't think that's true, but okay. So you had a guy that you worked with, you spent that much time with. You look the way that you look, you talk the way that you talk. And you expect me to believe that somewhere in the back of his mind, he was the only guy on the history of the planet that doesn't think about sleeping with that person. I don't know. I mean, I don't, I never looked at it that way because I didn't ever see him as an attractive person or something that I would sleep with. I saw him with, as, as a smart person that had a relationship that was happy, that was doing transition periods in his life and like had a relationship. And I, at the time was married myself. Huh? And I mean, I just don't, it doesn't compute for me. I don't view it that way. I'm not looking at a guy being like, I wonder if he wants to sleep with me unless I want to sleep with him. Then I don't even think about it. That, my friends, as you were listening, that is the issue across the board. Yeah, just don't think about it. Men are speaking to you because they want something. They want paid, they want laid, or maybe they want fed. I'll push that down to number three. You always want something. Yeah. They want paid, they want laid, or maybe they want fed. I'll push that down to number three. You always want fed. Yeah, and I always want paid and laid too. Yeah, that's true. That's life. But I know I'm not the only one. I just might be the only one that's willing to talk about it out loud. Yeah. It's very curious to me, the difference in the way that you would say. Yeah. We've had a conversation about this before where you, until I guess I'm poking enough and saying enough things to you, your stance had been up to very recently like, yeah, we could be friends. Like men and women could be friends. Yeah.

Discussion with Dr Carrie (29:35)

From your side. Right. And I would agree with that. I think if you're a woman listening to this right now, you are running a story in the background because you can certainly separate plutonic friendship from a sexual relationship. Correct. You have the ability. Yep. Men do not have that ability. We are wired differently. I don't want to sit around on an afternoon. I don't really drink beer, but I'll play the game like I do. Drinking beer, watching football with a bunch of chicks. I don't want to do that. I want to do that with a bunch of guys. When I get off work, I want to call and bitch about how the day went to a guy and then talk about how I'm trying to sleep with this chick. You don't say that to a girl. And if you do, it's because you're either trying to postulate. Or they're your sibling. Yeah, and you're trying to add value. You're trying to establish some sort of hierarchy with somebody else. So you're explaining how great your day was and that you're going to go try to sleep with other chicks, seeing if the chick gets angry. like oh yeah to test her test her jealousy waters i get it yeah so we just at least for me like women don't operate that way maybe some women with more masculine energy think about stuff like that but if i don't want to sleep with you then i you know I don't think about how you view me so let's talk about for a moment the woman right now listening to the show that is literally saying it might be you as you're listening they're full of shit I have a friend I have a guy he's yeah he's a guy. He's just my friend. Yep. And I know a lot of women that have just guy friends. How do you handle that? How would you say to handle that? Because you think that the guy that they're just friends with. Hold on. Based on what you're saying, the guy that they're in a friendship with wants to sleep with them. They're interested, which is why they would be hanging around them or involving themselves with them daily. I believe I will answer the question first because you just set it up this way. If I'm giving advice, it's the fact that that man has thought about, is thinking about, or planning on trying to sleep with you. Okay. You might not have any interest. You could even be married and you could think like he's just a nice guy. Right. If you say to him on a Monday, my husband's going on town Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and you don't have any children. And come Thursday night, you say, I'm just really unhappy in my relationship. My husband and I have been arguing. We've been fighting. I don't know what's going on. On Friday at lunch, you message this guy and say, look, I'd really like to get together with you tonight for dinner. And then after work, you call him and say, look, I'm just super horny. Will you come over and sleep with me? That guy is saying yes. Kurt shaking his head. let it be noted. He is nodding, yes. I know that's a big setup. I know that's a big swing to get there. And the guy would intentionally test the water because, again, if you're a decent caliber person, I certainly was not in my past, you'd be like, whoa, what do you mean? Life's not that bad. I know your husband. I could never do that. The I could never do that is a lie. You're doing it to test the water. You could do it. You've already thought about it. The guy has already thought about it. 100%. Why would a man be a friend with a woman, especially one that's married, if he's single and has been single? What about if he's friends with the husband? That's a byproduct. Different conversation. I'm saying, why would a man be friends with the husband and the. That's a byproduct. Okay. Different conversation. I'm saying, why would a man be friends with a married woman if he was single and had been single? I get it. You could be, you know, we could play every variable in the equation. Like you and I are married. We have some friends that are dating. All of a sudden they break up. Like it's weird because who's friends with who. Fuck all that. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the man that has been friends with the woman for the past three years. That's never had a chick or a little sporadic in and out dating. What's the reason for they got to be friends? I honestly don't know the answer to that question other than they genuinely like each other. I honestly don't know the answer to that question, other than they genuinely like each other.

Understanding Friendships And Exes

There is no such Thing as a Platonic Friendship (33:42)

I know he's looking at me like I'm crazy, but what if he has no interest in sleeping with her? He's lying to somebody. She has no interest in sleeping with him, but they just genuinely enjoy each other as friends and human beings. Is that not possible? Sure. It's possible. It's just not common. I would say in that situation, if the man is deciding to be honest, there was a point where he was hoping with every ounce of his being to sleep with this chick, at least here without clothes.

Can You Be Friends With Exes? (34:11)

Time passed and he got so deep down the rabbit hole, he realized, I can never actually sleep with this chick. Then the chick finds a guy and the chick's happy and you got to support her because you're friends now, right? You've built yourself into this corner this whole time. You painted yourself into the friend box. Yeah, like I'm a good dude. I'm just a friend with you. Don't worry about it. Yeah, this guy's awesome. I'm happy for you. The whole time you're sitting there with one of those little fucking voodoo dolls at home putting needles that looks like the dude. Like you're hoping that his leg falls off so he can't go date this chick. And you're hoping she comes and cries on your shoulder. At some point that doesn't happen and you're still so deep down it. Then, yeah, eventually I believe you can get to the point as a man of being like, all right, that ship has sailed. I'm never going to really ever make this happen. I don't need to completely bail out. But in that situation, I'm not calling the chick every day. Yeah. Fair. So then the same applies to you with exes, right? If you, you obviously, if you're dating somebody, you're sleeping with them majority of the time you break up because for whatever reason you guys didn't line up, can you be friends with them? No, but friendly. Sure. But why? Like, what does that that what does that mean like what like obviously i've been a shithead so i don't know like you're not gonna go and have lunch with them um i think if it's old enough and far enough back in the right situation i could consider it me personally okay even in that it would be so strange because it didn't work out right like there's so much history that had been shared and whether the history is two months worth even in that it would be so strange because it didn't work out. Right. Like there's so much history that had been shared. And whether the history is two months worth of history or two years, you've done things together, you've been together. Me, if I'm as a married man, to me it would be just not appropriate. As a single guy, if I go have lunch or dinner with that person, I'm certainly hoping to smash again. Ah, okay. 100%. Why wouldn't I? That should be the lowest hanging fruit. I've already closed that deal once. Even if I'm a jackass, she's wanting to go to lunch or dinner with me, I got a chance again. Man, it's crazy with you gentlemen. We've discussed it. So as we are sharing this with you, as you're listening, this is the second go-round of Lindsay and I recording this episode. Yeah, we had some technical difficulties on the first one last week. It's crazy. We just were not supposed to air that halfway through the mic stop recording, which is nuts because all of us are in one office, and the way that we record things is literally another part of the office. We have to – we being Kurt. We as a – Yeah, we don't do anything. Kurt does it all. We just sit here. But it's just something didn't work. And in that, which is crazy, one of the reviews that I've read, I realize that I say in that too often. So I'm consciously trying to stop doing that. So work with me as I run that through a filter. Last time we tried to record this episode, Lindsay brought up one of her exes. Oh, yeah. Not ex-husband, ex-boyfriend. So I had an ex-boyfriend that I was with for, I don't know, a year and a half, two years, but we lived together.

Lindsays Ex Story (37:14)

And this was before I had been married previously. So it was at least 15 years ago, 15 plus now. And he now lives in our neighborhood with his wife and three children and I didn't know that until I am outside I don't know when we first moved in probably raking leaves because we moved into the uh we moved into our house fall four years ago so it's probably out raking leaves or getting the mail or something and he drove by and stopped his car and was like oh my gosh lindsay well like what what are you doing here and i'm like i live here like this is our house i have a boyfriend and blah blah blah and here's the deal because last he had heard from me i had gotten married so i hadn't seen him in a very long time and he lives in our neighborhood so and i wish i was there to videotape what his response must have been as you said i live here with my boyfriend and he's realizing i literally have five houses down from this chick she's got a boyfriend she's not married there's a chance except he's married with three kids oh geez you know why he doesn't care why you want to tell that you want to tell everybody no oh now you're waving me off like we're just not going to get on this path? No, because when we lived together, I found a ring in the drawer and it was a drawer of a spare bedroom and I wasn't, I was not prepared to say yes if he proposed. So I broke up with him because I didn't want to put someone through getting down on one knee. We had never like really discussed the whole marriage thing, but apparently he was ready or something I don't know but I I didn't want to have him get down on one knee and ask me to marry him and have to say no like I loved and respected him enough to break up with him knowing that at that moment when I saw that it wasn't a oh my god yes I can't wait until he does it it was a holy shit sinking in my stomach like this isn't right. I can't do this. And so I didn't want to. There was nothing wrong with this person, like wonderful human being, nothing wrong. Just in that moment, you realize like he wasn't my person. And of course, I was in my very early 20s and I just wasn't ready. So he was expecting to marry me and I broke up with him move out of the house do the whole thing moved out of the house got a new apartment by myself like whole deal get married then get divorced yeah so Columbus Florida yeah a lot of twists and turns he sees you in the neighborhood not more than a handful of weeks later seems like in my memory probably making up the time. It's going to serve my story well, so I'm going to stick with it. Go for it, honey. You see him at the gym. Yeah. He goes to the same gym. The gym that we train at. Yep. And you're there, not with me. Nope. Not with you. Somehow. You're there solo. Magic how that happens, isn't it? Yeah. Uh-huh. I want to pull the phone records. No. Go ahead. We were not engaged at that point either, so no ring on my finger, no nothing. No, and I was probably just coming off the backside of being a jackass. Oh, for sure. Yeah, you got to put that out there.

Do you like him? (40:06)

So yeah, she saw me at the gym, asked how life was going, how things were. You know, just general chit-chat. What happened to my marriage? In that moment, though, being honest, like I made you last time, when he first looked at you. Yeah, he sized me up for a second. It was not a look of you see your long lost brother that you haven't seen in six months and you look at him like, oh my gosh, it's so nice to see you. It was a look of, oh my gosh, I remember what you look like with no clothes on. I want to see it again. Probably. I mean, no, probably. Yes. Yes. He definitely sized me up. And I think that is normal when you see an ex because you're trying to gauge. Like, I haven't seen him in 10 plus years. So you're trying to gauge, like, did this woman completely fall apart? Like, I had been married. I had had a baby. I had done all kinds of stuff since I had seen him last. So, like, he's looking at me to tell whether or not I kept my shit together. Probably. He was also giving me the FMEs. I don't know what FME means. I'm not trying to be dumb. I don't know what that means. What does that mean? Kurt, do you know what that means? Kurt's saying no. What does that mean, honey? So I'll leave the first word out. F. We got that. Me. Me. Eyes. He was giving you the FMEs. FMEs. Is that a thing? I've never got that. Me. Me. Eyes. He was giving you the FMEs. Is that a thing? I've never heard that. It wasn't like a sizing you up. I just made it up. I'm going to run with it. Doug, print that. I want that on my Insta story. Oh, hashtag FME. Hashtag FME. Oh, Lord. Yeah, he was, though. Sure, he was. So sizing up was one thing. Like, to look somebody up and down and see if they fell apart, I get it. Yeah. That's a different look than the way you can convey energy by looking at someone as though you might want to sleep with them with your eyes. As my wife does it across the stable to me right now. I always do it to you. It's a very conscious decision for especially women. I think you're more aware of it than most men are. Yeah. But men that have played the game are certainly very good decision for especially women. I think you're more aware of it than most men are. Yeah. But men that have played the game are certainly very good at it. Yeah. So I guess he did give me the FMEs a little. But I obviously didn't return the favor. And then I saw him again about a month or two before I got married in the cafe. You were in the shower. Oh, it's convenient. He didn't stick around and say hi, huh? He did not. It's so crazy how that happens. He did not. But I said, like, you know, i'm getting married in six weeks and whatever and he was like really like okay good good for you blah blah blah so you know but there was that instant moment of disappointment i think so he was probably bummed about the ship was sailing yeah not happening sorry i don't know maybe i'm the one that got away you very well could I don't know I'm sure I mean if I had if that ring that you have on your finger I had in a box and you found it and then you left I said peace baby you would be the one that got away yeah right like that happens all these things together just stack up to really show me there's just no way for men and women to be friends I know and I I agree with you, I think, on a whole sense.

No friends. (42:36)

But from a woman's point of view, like I don't I don't care about being friends with a guy. It doesn't matter to me whether I'm friends with a guy or not. I wouldn't ever spend time with a man that isn't family like that unless you were involved type of thing, unless we were both friends with that particular person. Yeah. But to me, this is a lot more important to the women that are single right now yeah so you know for women that are single that have the male friends that you really think is just truly your friend i get it every situation is is unique and everybody has their own backstory but somewhere in that at some point ryan is going to tell you that he wanted to or wants to still sleep with you like he's out for a goal so if you're not attracted to that person you don't think that you're ever going to be in in the situation where you're going to have a romantic relationship with that person maybe just kindly let them down easy or distance yourself a little so that you're not hurting somebody because that's that's a terrible thing for somebody to waste all of their time if you're not hurting somebody. Because that's a terrible thing for somebody to waste all of their time if you're not ever going to get there. Yeah. Go out on a Friday or Saturday night with this individual. Give them a little bit of truth serum. Maybe a little Jack Daniels. Maybe for me it was Jägermeister. Maybe even a little tequila. I don't care what your choice is. Don't get this guy so drunk that he can't speak. Get him so he's a little happy, a little giggly, a little positive, a little boisterous. Then hit him right between the eyes with, when's the last time you thought about sleeping with me? Not if he's thought about sleeping with you, because he can answer that as a no. It's the way your mind works. Ask him when the last time he's thought about it. Because then it's a direct answer. It's not a yes or no question. He's going to have to say, if he stutters in any moment, he's trying to come up with an answer that he doesn't think is going to piss you off based off his chance of either sleeping with you or not. If he says, look, I've never thought about sleeping with you, it's okay. And I have immense respect for every person that's listening.

What does curiosity Killed the Cat on the Telly (44:53)

If he says, I have never thought about that, ask him when's the last time he considered sleeping with a man. Oh, that's messed up. It's not messed up. Because there's a high possibility that he's gay yeah he is a homosexual man i love it yeah oh man gay best friends as a woman as they're there the like the the joy of my life different deal i i can't i don't know at this point how many gay friends i have i don't know we We have a few. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'll say a lot of acquaintances. Like, it's certainly, I'm saying all that because I don't want this to have any sort of, like, undertone of homosexual. Oh, no, God, no. Like, homophobia. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how this is at all. But if a man is truly, and you truly believe in your heart and soul that he never wanted to sleep with you, he never was curious about how you looked like naked, then there's a good chance he doesn't like women because men aren't wired that way. Fair. Help him progress to the next stage of life. If that's the truth and he's coming out, girl, good for you. Hang on to that because gay husbands are the best ever. Gay husbands? Yeah. Have you not heard that? No. Husband's a sacred term. I have a husband, but there's like, you know, my gay best friend is, is my gay husband, the guy that's going to go shopping with me and, you know, tell me those shoes are honey. Your ass looks horrible on that. Take that dress off. That is not for you. Like all of it. They are the best people on the planet. Homeboy wants to be gay husband. Homeboy can help pay all the horse bills, husband type type bills. We're going to use the husband term. He better put pony up his wallet oh i love that so we've went round and round with this conversation we're really gonna call this episode there's been so many things i can't believe i said stuff about penises why that's so inappropriate is, but you talk about penises at least once a day. To you. Really, not everybody. Your penis. This episode will last an infamy. You, as you're listening, can refer back to this for the rest of your life and realize how many times my wife said penis.

Perspectives On Women Thoughts And Breast Augmentation

What are women really thinking (46:56)

I always use the proper term, though, because it's classy. Yes, talking about the length and girth of a penis is incredibly classy. Hush, hush, hush, hush. You asked. I'm just being truthful. That's what women think about. I mean, no different than you saying how big boobs are when they're going to come out. I'm always thinking about rack city. Rack city. Rack city. Rack city and nipple placement. And size. And size. Nipple size. Oh, man. Here we go. We were just about to wrap this up and we got to take a sharp right and press the gas pedal again. Boobs. I'm so sorry. I'm a gigantic, both figuratively and literally, fake boob fan.

How many CCs (47:30)

Love it. The bigger the fake boobs, the better for him. To a certain point. To a certain point. Right, right, right. There's a great point for me. If they look like they're going to pop naturally on their chest, it's not it's not happening for him not my thing but it's more than just women if you're curious about getting implants done at least from my male perspective if you're doing it for reasons that put you in power great i'm not going to debate back and forth if you should get them or not i'm saying if you do it's more than just how many ccs you get it is i mean i have i have breast implants i've had them for going on my fifth year now and it was upgrade time Christmas Ryan wants to upgrade and it's more because I breastfed my daughter and I went from a c-cup until like just barely a b-cup and I had no breast tissue left and I was just like this is not my body anymore I don't recognize this I don't feel comfortable this way and so I got implants and I have loved every second of them as has my husband. I most certainly have. But having seen, viewed, been around a tremendous amount of fake breasts in my life, it's way more than just the size. Yeah. So break it down. So you have the overall size and shape. You have the profile. Oh, profile, yep.

Breast implants (48:46)

Yeah, like if I personally don't enjoy a ton of space between fake breasts. Like I think if my opinion, just mine, if you're going to pay $5,000 to $10,000 to have cosmetic surgery done, why would you do that in a way to make yourself look as close to natural as possible? Yeah. Like you don't have to go over the top. Like we don't have to go thousands of CCs and like you topple over forward if you don't like hold yourself back with bungee cords. Yeah. Not pushing anywhere near that. But why wouldn't you want to fill in the spaces? Right. And I get it. Women just as men, like I'm touching my own chest right now. There's parts of in between my chest and my clavicle that I don't have any tissue like I physically can feel my chest right now, there's parts of in between my chest and my clavicle that I don't have any tissue. Like I physically can feel my chest bone. Not going to be able to get implants to really touch there. No. But when you do the thing where they're like six inches apart and they're fake and then you're still using bras and stuff to smash them together and create that cleavage, it's super curious to me. It doesn't make any sense. Well, anatomically though, some women are just like that. Like every chest layout is different. A hundred percent. But with the fact of how breast implants are not created between teardrops and high profile and ultra high profile and round. Yes. He knows them all. All of the ones we've been shopping. We have shopped. We have shopped. There's so much that a good surgeon side note, if you shop around your city and you are deciding to go with a surgeon based off expense and you're not picking the most expensive one, you're an idiot. Yeah. Or one with recommendations. Like I went to a surgeon that had done six of my girlfriends. So I had seen his work. I had felt his work. And I was very confident in how they looked and recovered to know that I was going to be fine.

Realistic breast augmentation options (50:25)

Yes. You don't want the bargain basement plastic surgeon. No. Stay away from that one. But a good plastic surgeon will be able to literally mold your new breast tissues, tissue, not really tissue, implants, exactly how you want to look. Yeah, they carve out the pocket. Yeah. Make it. They sew things. They tuck things. So let's assume you pick out the right size and you're happy with that. This placing and the size of your areola is massively important. For me, as I sit in this office, I have a black white barn candle on the desk. It has a top on it that would be the size of a coaster. There is no part for me that enjoys a coaster size areola. I know you can't help that. Yeah, I was just going to say like. You were born with that. Yeah. However, the plastic surgeon has the ability to not have that be that size anymore. You can literally get that circle brought down. Yeah. Go with a nice half dollar. Compromise. We don't have to go quarters. We don't have to be ultra small. We certainly don't have to go dimes. What's your ideal? Half dollar, quarter, dime, nickel? I believe it should be proportional to the size of the breast. Okay. I think that any time, I don't care how big the boob would have to be to make a coaster look the right size, I'm out. Not my thing. I think you get down to a quarter, in between a quarter and a half dollar size, I think that's probably right for most breast augmentations. All right. Me personally. Then you also have actual areola and nipple placement as it pertains to the boob itself. Right? I'm fascinated right now. You're not, though. We've had these conversations. I know. I'm fascinated for the listeners. Yeah. Because you think you spent all this money, right? And you're so pumped. Like, you've been researching. You've been saving. Maybe you came up with a credit program to get the boobs. I love you for it. been researching, you've been saving. Maybe you came up with a credit program to get the boobs. I love you for it. But then you don't invest the extra 1500 bucks to make sure your nipples are dead center in the center of your chest and that your areolas are not tucked in how they should be at that point. Just like an upsell. Like don't cheap out on the last part. It's going to bite you in the ass later. And the salesman comes through. Well, yeah, but all this stuff matters. Yeah. Oh yeah. And also be prepared. Every woman that I have ever known that I had known prior to Brian having breast implants, then either during or after breast implants has all said the same thing after about 18 months. What is that thing, Lindsay? I wish I'd gone bigger. It's the craziest thing. As you go into surgery, you're so concerned about looking too big, too top heavy, too awkward. I don't want to look like a porn star. I don't, all these things, right? I've heard almost all of it. I don't want them to look fake. I don't want them to look completely unnatural. And in the first three to five months, they're super high. It's like you have a shelf, like they're up high, like they don't fall down. They're big. They're super high. It's like you have a shelf. They're up high. They don't fall down. They're big. They're still swollen. I had barely one finger between the top of my breast and my clavicle. Outstanding to me. I mean, I could barely fit a finger. They hit my chin. I'm in it to win it. I would like it to be like that all the time. That's my jam. I'm good with it. But that's going to be the first probably two to four months. Realistically, I sold a little long with three to five. But then over time, your body adapts. It adopts them as hopefully part of your actual internal ecosystem. Yes. The swelling goes down and they finally start to find the resting place. Yeah, they settle in, settle a little bit at that moment, start looking like, hmm, then they don't look as freakishly big anymore. When you come out of surgery, you're like, Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I didn't go any bigger because you have minimal breast tissue and you've shoved this implant in. And then all of a sudden you have huge breasts and you're like, because they're swollen and they're high and they're tight and your body's still trying to like adjust. You're like, Oh my gosh, what the, what the hell did I do? I, maybe I should have gone smaller. And then by six months they've settled and you know, they're, they, they move and feel like normal breasts. They don't feel like big fake boobs anymore. Yeah. And so you're super happy during that time period. Cause you finally get to have what you always thought you wanted because they finally fallen down and, you know, arrange themselves in their final resting location. They're there. You're jostling them around. You're getting them jostled around. Life is good. Another six months pass and you're like, man, where'd they go? Because you got used to them in the first six months of being big and high and hard and tight and all these things. Then like, all right, cool. They're in their resting place. I'm good now. And then you realize like, I still want the bigger ones that I originally had because I got used to them. It's like the best upsell in the world from plastic surgeons. Yeah, right. I'd love to know the statistics on reordering of breast implants.

Reordering breast implants (55:13)

I've had two or three of my friends that have gone back and gone bigger. Of course. Within the first five years. Yeah. Yep. So I personally believe a 75 to 100 ccc swing is probably what you should do. So I say that. If you're looking at a table, we've been there. There's mounds of these little biodomes of boobs on the table just like all over the place. And you pick which one you want. And you pick the one that you think looks right on the table. And I think most women, if they're not familiar with this, are probably grabbing like 300s, maybe 325s. Yep. Nice, safe, comfortable. You feel good about it. And you see the 350 or the 500, you're like, man, those are gigantic. And then my husband goes, where's the 600 table? And you see that and you're like, man, who would actually do do those and the doctor's laughing a little bit he goes you'd be surprised he doesn't want to talk poorly about anybody consider going towards if you're at that 350 range go to the 400s consider the yeah probably 425 or you know if that depending what you get you can overfill some you can do some different stuff that way it's amazing how much you know about breast implants. But he's been through this with several people. I'm an artist. I'm a connoisseur of boob art. Oh, it's so silly.

The Medicated Milk Episode (56:30)

I like what I like, right? I'm not a butt guy. You're never going to hear me ask you to get butt implants. Nope, you are not a butt guy. Don't care. We all have our things. I don't even know how we took this hard right, but I'm glad we did. I mean, it's serious. We talked about all kinds of things on this episode now. Yeah. I mean, I think some of the taboos that exist, like if you're going to get breast implants, own it. Like you work hard for it, right? Like either you or your husband or somebody in your life had to work hard to afford a five to $10,000 elective surgery. Yeah. I don't know why you'd run from that and hide it. No. You're doing it. If you're doing it to feel better about part of your life, you're just doing it because you want a fun toy for you and your husband. Yeah, no, I did. I did. So I can feel more like myself. Like there's so much about when you become a mother, like you don't identify with anymore that the last thing I had put my whole body back together, but I couldn't do anything about my breast size. Like that was never going to change. I stopped breastfeeding and they just went away. And I'm thinking, oh, I can't do anything about my breast size. Like that was never going to change. I stopped breastfeeding and they just went away. And I'm thinking, I can't change that unless I surgically augment that. And I've put everything else back together about my body. And I'm finally starting to feel like myself. I'm going to get implants. And it was for nobody other than me. Yeah. And the second go around, the one that's going to happen in the next three to five months with me, it's solely for urinized entertainment. Yeah. Well, we've talked about this before. Like, if we're going to do this baby thing, we're going to have to do the baby thing at the beginning of the year, and then I'll get implants after baby. Baby's out. It's titty time. Titty time. Jesus, did you really just say that? Yeah, they're cheaper. They are way cheaper than babies. Way cheaper. Way cheaper than babies. Yeah. Oh, Lord have mercy. Help me. Look at that. You're laughing so hard your vein on your forehead's popping out. So on that note, I'm going to wrap this up. I'm going to wrap it up. If you got a guy that you think is your best friend, he's lying, he's trying to sleep with you, he's gay. Yeah, well. If you are insecure with your breast size, go to a bunch of different doctors. Find probably the mid to most expensive one. Make sure you mapped out everything. Get your nipple placement right. Get your size right. Get your profile right. Get your areola right. I would say message me with questions because I have implants and I have breasts, but Ryan seems like much more of the expert on this than I am. You can certainly message me. But please don't message my husband about your breasts. I'm an open book. Oh, man. I'm not going to ask. That is just inviting creeps. Not the way this works. I'll say this. I work with. Oh, man. I'm not going to ask. That is just inviting creeps. Not the way this works. I'm not. So I'll say this. I work with female clients, obviously. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm incredibly loyal and committed to your and I's relationship. I'm never going to ask to see a female's chest or say something inappropriate. If you want some actual insight on racks, I will type it up and I will email you everything I just said. So you can say, send me the boobie PDF. And I got Kurt over here laughing because now he gets to design it because he's a graphic designer as well. I'll itemize everything I just said and gladly share it with you. Is that a fair that they said you're the one that brought it up? I was never going to offer that. But you said you were going down the path of messaging my husband. We're just going to cut out messages. Oh, all of a sudden she's next. I mean, do you want men messaging me about penis size? No, but can I get one of those? Can I get an upgrade? No, you don't need an upgrade. I'll take an upgrade. Every man, that's the other thing. Women, I don't care. I don't care how big your man is. I don't care how big the biggest man is you've been with. If you ask him if he could add another inch to his dick. That's insane. And another inch around, every man saying 100% of the time, yes. 100%. No man has enough. That's so stupid.

Comic Interlude

Im So Sorry (59:59)

Look at where we took this. Look at this episode. This is insanity. It's a train wreck. I apologize to my parents because they're going to hate us. Don't talk about inappropriate things on air, Lindsay. So many people hear that and then we're embarrassed. Sorry. I don't think it was inappropriate. I don't either. I mean, I'm a 36-year-old adult woman that's married with a child. So, you know. Yeah, we're not talking. I mean, I don't think to me this is not taboo because it's not taboo to me like speaking about breast augmentations and taking care of your body and the humor that's associated with the fact of if i could get my genitalia to be bigger oh babe i would do it i'm down and men you know i don't have a bunch of chicks that are friends, so I can say men shouldn't be friends with women. I don't know if I have any.

Women Having Boobies Grow Rainbows And Butter Everywhere (01:00:34)

We talked about this last time. Even when we were in New York and I stopped and saw Kelly Waples, who's like my very oldest friend. Old friend, like third grade, lived across the street. But I'm also friends with her. Yeah, I'm not calling her up once a week, once a month, or once a year and saying like, hey, how are you and the family? Yeah, fair. How are things going? I don't really have those friends. I get it. So if you eliminate the girls, if you eliminate the people from your life that aren't really trying to sleep with you. You probably don't have any male friends left. Get a rack if you're looking for one. Men, if you want your wife or your girlfriend to have a rack, go ahead and buy her one.


Hot Blonde Mom (01:01:17)

Been there too. Yeah, for sure. Whatever. Yeah, not mine. Not yet. Not yet. Damn, we gotta go there that's why you've been through it with so many girlfriends that that's why you know it's true that's so much about it it's fact there's some fact there there is some fact there we all have a history don't we i like it no you don't whatever at the end of the day we're just all trying to get shit done No, you don't. Whatever. At the end of the day, we're just all trying to get shit done.

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