Episode 238: Ryan & Lindsay - The Real | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 238: Ryan & Lindsay - The Real".
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This is 15 Minutes of Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Idell, and today's episode is the infamous Saturday episode with my wife. Hi, everyone. Hello, sweetheart. Hi, everyone. Hello, sweetheart. Hi, honey. How are you today? I'm fabulous. How about you? You don't seem as peppy as the last episode. I don't know what to say to that. Just like that. I feel fine. I'm glad. I'm good. You're good. Fine, good. These are all code words. These are all bad words. No, I'm just kidding. We don't want to hear these. Fine. So today I want to get down to what I'll call the real. And the real is something that there was an episode two, three, four weeks ago, not really sure when, that Lindsay and I recorded that covered an issue we had with my inability to not get home from work or to work too much. We did. Whatever you want to say. It was the only episode that we've had so far where there was actual palpable tension and animosity in the studio. Yeah, we were pissed at each other a little bit. She was super, as I refer to it, grumpopotamus. I was grumpopotamus. We have sounds for the grumpopotamus. We have everything because with the grumpopotamus. It's not going to translate in the mic. It's not going to work, so I'm to it, grumpopotamus. I was grumpopotamus. We have sounds for the grumpopotamus. We have everything. It's not going to translate in the mic. It's not going to work, so I'm not going to demonstrate it for you. But it started with our daughter Gianna. When she was grumpy, instead of a hippopotamus, I called her grumpopotamus. Because there was videos on TV or on YouTube she was watching about hippopotamuses and the sound they make. And I tried to make a hippopotamus sound, and it sounded preposterous, which made her laugh. And so she couldn't be grumpy anymore but there was a grumpopotamus nature to that whole first part of that episode yeah and i've got some really great feedback a lot of feedback from people that maybe even yourself as you're listening that are concerned or confused or have taken exception to the fact that I don't get home or I'm not there to do things. And that if I don't do things differently, there's a chance that I'm going to end up in divorce. Oh, this is typical of our show here. I don't know any of these things yet. You do not. Okay. It just popped in my head. I don't know any of these things yet. You do not. Okay. It just popped in my head. I didn't hear that one. And it's an interesting phenomenon to me because I am guilty of it as much as anyone else. There's a bias that is presented by listening to one thing, by reading one article, by having one conversation that then dictates and determines how a relationship could be construed. And maybe it's not a relationship between husband and wife like you and I. Maybe it's a friendship. Maybe it's a business partnership. But it's like this little snippet and all of a sudden, poof, here's what has to be the truth. And we have our own unique cadence to our life. I believe our cadence works. For us, it does. But I feel like it's a good opportunity to have you start to discuss what you think our life looks like. From me coming home from work to what's changed maybe since that episode to maybe even things you want me to do better. Because Lord knows there's a good enough list. This is not perfect, right? Like this is, I share it with my clients often, perfection is a game that's not worth playing. Because you're never going to be perfect, right? Like we can try with everything we have, everything that we know how to do. We can pay every coach, every trainer, every mentor. There is almost no such thing as perfection in any capacity. No, and you will stress yourself out and wear yourself out trying to chase it because it's half of what somebody defines as perfection isn't even up to them. So, you know, outside factors that you can't control. Right. There has also been this concern, especially with the high blood pressure episode, that I'm so busy, quote-unquote, getting shit done that I just run myself ragged, and that's the reason I had high blood pressure episode that I'm so busy quote unquote getting shit done that I just run myself ragged and that's the reason I had high blood pressure. Now admittedly high blood pressure last time I tested it was 132 over 61 62 somewhere like that. It wasn't bad. Like it's coming down. I know I'm biased right because from my side sure I get out of bed 99 mornings out of 100 before you do. Oh, for sure.
Understanding Self And Relationships
Waking you up (04:24)
I like to now get up early. In that, I let you sleep. I don't let the alarm play for a long time. I'm ultra quiet in the bedroom. You're biting your lip. You don't agree with that? The alarm was playing for a long time this morning for a second. It was your alarm, though. It was my alarm. It was not my alarm. Lindsay and I had a wrestling match this morning for a second. It was your alarm, though. It was my alarm. It was not my alarm. Lindsay and I had a wrestling match this morning. Quick little wrestling match before the day, and the alarm just kept blaring. Those of you that are married, you can take, or dating, take a wrestling match for whatever you'd like it to mean.
A Loving Wrestling Match (04:57)
We certainly were not angry with one another. This would be a loving wrestling match that we had this morning. To me, we certainly were not angry with one another. This would be a loving wrestling match that we had this morning. But, man. You said the alarm going off. That's all that rang in my head because it wasn't that long ago. It was not. But I'm quiet, right? I leave. I go downstairs. I do the things that I do for me. I read. I journal. I meditate. But those are all things before you get up. Now, before I leave the house, there are some mornings where you are not out of bed. Yes. Don't know how many. I'm not keeping count ever. I come upstairs. I kiss you on the forehead. I tell you I love you. Then I leave you.
Do All Things First (05:36)
You do. But I leave you at 645, 650, maybe 7 o'clock. Then I see you again at 9. At 9, yeah. Because at 9 o'clock, then we reconvene and we work out together at Lifetime. Yes. And it switched from a bodybuilding-esque type of workout to more of a fitness-related for boxing match to come on March, which makes you cringe inside. Oh, yeah. I don't want to see anybody hit you in the face for multiple reasons there's a chance it's gonna make me look better you gotta look at the optimistic side no i don't think it's gonna make you look better you're extremely handsome but i have this switch that like it's a there's a long backstory to this but i'm not going to tolerate well someone hitting my husband like i'm the wife that will jump in the ring and start beating the shit out of him on my own like i don't do well with stuff like that i've proven this to be true i have done that in situations with my brother might be true a long time ago college i didn't know you then doesn't really much matter i don't want anybody hitting you in the face but anyway anyway. We work out from 9 until 10.
No traffic . . . period! (06:41)
We might sit in the cafe at Lifetime and have another little conversation. Yeah. Then I drive to work, and I get to work by 10. I don't like rush hour. I don't want to fight it. I don't ask those lovely men that I work with to also fight rush hour. No one has to be in before 10. I don't think it's good for anybody's emotional vibration. I just don't like the angst of rush hour traffic. No, I used to have to be at the hospital at seven o'clock, like in the ICU shift changeover was at 650. So I never had to fight that traffic because nobody's showing up anywhere at 7am. But man, on the, on the days where, when I would have like the nine o'clock shift that start, that was hell. Yeah. And it made me nuts. Only then to walk into a stressful ICU. So I don't blame you. I get it. I start my first coaching clients most mornings at 1030. The calls are an hour. I let them go over sometimes. It's not a stopwatch. We talk until we don't need to talk anymore about what we need to talk about in that moment. I try to allow myself a 30-minute break between clients, but that doesn't always work that well. There's always a midday break because I put it on my calendar from 1 until 3 where I don't have any clients. Almost every time. During that time period, what do I do most days? You call me. Yeah, just to see what's going on. Yeah, a couple minutes. Don't need anything. Don't really want anything. Want to know how her day is, what she's up to. Not a weird way of checking in on you. Just a general, like, hey. Oh, it's a check-in, but it's not a weirdo check-in. It is not a weirdo check-in. Then I'll have clients, again, from 3 until. Right now I have, with the way the ball bounces, I have a client on Wednesday that starts at 5.30, wraps up at 6.30. That puts me home later. Part of the code test that I'm involved in, our company meeting is on Thursdays from 5.30 to 6.30. It's also over Zoom. We're all in different areas of the country. But we also have riding that night, so that doesn't really interfere too much. It does not. Every other night of the week, I, in theory, wrap up by no interfere too much. It does not. I really another week I in theory wrap up by no later than five 30 or six. Now, Kurt and I still somehow have to manage to record these incredible podcasts that you are listening to right now. As my training business continues to grow and evolve, we shoot series of videos to add value to the, the sequencing that customers and clients go through, because I want to add way more than just a once a week phone call. I found that the level of depth that I can get to someone increases exponentially if there's daily homework with daily assignments that get them to jog their mind and create new healthy habits and eliminate old limiting beliefs.
Kurt and Lindsay discuss daily homework (09:01)
So that requires, as I have a plethora of clients, I was having to record those videos after 5.30. They take time to set up, and so I wasn't leaving until 6.30 or 7. Very short window of time. Maybe a month. When I leave here, I'm on the phone. I drive home. I get in the driveway, and normally I sit in the driveway, and I'm on the phone. Because Lindsay has asked me to not be on my phone when I walk in the house. Doesn't always work that way. Sometimes I want to walk in the house because my phone when I walk in the house. It doesn't always work that way. Sometimes I want to walk in the house because I'm tired of sitting in the car. I do my best to wrap up my phone calls now. And I come in, and certainly for the past two or three weeks, we have an island in the middle of our kitchen. I put my phone on the island. I look at it once. I close it. And then it just sits there. I don't ever get back to it. I have dinner with the family, spend time with Lindsay, spend time with Gianna. Maybe we read her books, maybe we don't. We watch television or whatever we do before bed. Right now, the last week, it's been a Christmas movie every night. It has been? Yeah. Then I go back to the island, grab my phone, look at it to see if anything burnt down in the past two and a half hours, and we walk up to bed at about 9.30. Sometimes late as 10. You're so old. We are old.
A day in the life of Mr. C (10:24)
I like it that way, though. Again, getting up at 4. You're so old. We are old. I like it that way though. Again, getting up at 4.30, six and a half hours of sleep, like I'm pushing, trying to push on both sides. Like I'd like to be in bed by 9.30 and I'm trying to optimize and push out to almost five, right? Which sounds crazy, right? Push out to five. But I know I perform better if I get seven and a half or eight hours of sleep. Oh, sure. So that's what I'm shooting for. Weekends are a little bit different. There's not a ton of stress. I still get up when I get up. Some days we lay in bed on a Saturday and we don't get to bed until eight thirty or nine. Yeah. Some days I'm up and out at four thirty or five in the morning because that's my body's clock now and I just jump up and go. During all this time period together, there's a ton of communication and openness between my wife and I. And some of this might sound like it's defending myself, and maybe in some capacity, in the back of my mind, it is. For me, I think it's a lot more explanatory because there's this thing that has been presented from this show. And I get it. We end every show with go get shit done. I cram as much stuff into my day as I can to be as efficient as I can with my time. It's a growing process. When I bring on a client, it's a 14 week commitment, a week of pre-training, 12 weeks of one-on-one and a week of, I'll say reintegration. I can't alter my schedule much more until I honor my commitment to those individuals. The next season of my life, I won't take clients five days a week. I'll take them Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And I'll take them from 10 in the morning until five a night will wrap up my last appointment. And those three days a week, I'll be home by 630. It works pretty well for me internally. What was the time we agreed to two weeks ago? 745. 745. I've been home before 7.45. 7.45. I've been home before 7.45 by a lot every night. Yes, you have been. And we've been doing more. I mean, Gianna and I have been home before 7.45. We adjusted our riding schedule to make sure that we are home and that it gives me time to get dinner on the table and then get her homework started and all that kind of stuff. So we've been home between six and six 30 and making sure that by the time you walk in the door, then we can actually sit down and eat together. So it's been much better. But I choose not to rush my mornings and be to the office by eight. So if I was at the office by eight, I could leave at five yeah like it's a choice that I make or we make as a family but we don't I like our gym time like on the mornings that I take Jenna to school which is four days out of the five school days um she has school starts at nine so like we leave the house at 8 45 and I drive her to school because we don't live in the same we live in the same school because we don't live in the same school district. We don't live in the same particular elementary school assignment that her dad lives. And she's assigned to that school. So I drive her and then I drop her off and then I go to the gym. So if you were in there at 8, then not that I care about working out by myself, but that's something that we get to do together every day that I enjoy. Although the boxing workout this week has kicked my ass. My body is shot. Oh, yeah. The way that we're training is way different, which is good. I enjoy that we're doing something differently. But as I address all that, what would you change? There's failure points. I believe my coaching practice, my life, my mindset is you always have to be willing to split test and optimize the variables, right?
Fightcamp Explained (13:41)
Like I feel like I know it works for me because it's worked for me for quite some time, but I'm pushing against that when I can, when I make time or focus on it to see if I can do something more efficiently, right? Like I've talked to, I've spoken to my boxing coach this morning about what happens if I come out of my box in the morning, I shower in that gym, I don't go to lifetime, and then we switch and pivot and go to lifetime after work. Like I could buy my hour back in the morning, start my day earlier, spend time with you in the afternoon, like early early evening and have that continue in would that affect my boxing like would that affect my fight prep right like this is what would be called quote unquote in the boxing world fight camp all right it's 12 or 14 weeks before a fight maybe maybe not like i have to try it once or twice we have to see if it works we have to see how it works with our life yeah initially i'm i I'm out on that one only because Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I can't go in the evening. Tuesday nights, Gianna and I ride. Wednesday nights, she now has, she's moved up a level in gymnastics, so she now has gymnastics for two hours until 745 every night, every Wednesday. And then Thursday, again, we are at the barn. night, every Wednesday. And then Thursday, again, we are at the barn. So there's three nights out of the five that we're talking about just a regular work week that are out for me for the evenings in the gym. So right now, mornings work well. I can't say that there's anything that stands out that I would want to change at this point, only because we committed to this about two weeks ago. So in all actuality, if you take out some of the weekend days, we've probably been consistent with this for about 10 days. So I don't think that's a long enough run rate to find which squeaky wheel is going to break. I don't know anything off the top of my head to say, yeah, I think this should change. I texted you about this the other morning. You came home. You were on the phone, and you were like, look, buddy, whoever you're talking to, I just walked in the house. It's family time. I've got to get off the phone. I'll speak with you another time. And you hung up, and then we ate dinner, and then you said, hey, ladies, do you mind if I make a phone call? I need to make a phone call. And we both were like, sure, whatever. Okay, quick, it'll be five seconds. Well, five seconds in your world turned into 45 minutes. And I'm pushing on that. I need to look at my call log. I'm saying it was 25. It wasn't. It was more than five seconds, but I didn't anticipate it being that long of a call. It wasn't like I was more than five seconds, but I didn't anticipate it being that long of a call. It wasn't like I was baiting and switching. It's okay. But it's just like those kind of things have been a big difference because you do leave your phone on the counter.
New Routine (16:29)
You have checked out. You are present when we sit down and eat because for a while you weren't, right? You were, you still had your phone at the table and you were doing stuff, answering messages, responding to things, maybe making a quick phone call, not really a phone call probably during the dinner, but maybe scrolling social media, something, and not being fully present in dinner with the family. So you just left it on the island or in the office and just called it a day, which is nice. That's been a huge change. Yeah. I mean, just there's, it's the consistent pursuit of optimization.
Gians commitment level to himself (17:08)
Yeah. I'd like to see you personally get a little bit better about holding space for yourself. This past weekend, I was thrilled because Gianna and I did a bunch of horse stuff this weekend. We did some Christmas girl shopping. Bunch a horse shit is what you know i took my dad to the doctor um like spent some time with my family i spent the whole day with my dad on saturday spent most of the day on sunday with my mom she came to the barn and then we went to lunch uh and it was more so that you could have the time to hold space for yourself so every time i saw you in those windows during Saturday and Sunday, you were in the chair in the family room with a blanket and either headphones because you were listening to your brainwave music and reading. So you were actually taking some time to decompress and read and like have some space for just you. Yeah. I mean, if I could, if that was awesome, I loved seeing that because I haven't seen that out of you in a very long time. Yeah. And that's one of the things I am committing to do for myself is I love to read. I love to accumulate new knowledge. I love to push my belief system. I love new external stimulus, however you want to say it. And so once this training session with the clients that I currently have, I couldn't just say time's out, but as it takes its season and I get into the next part of life, there'll be a few weeks where I don't onboard new clients. I want to just be able to create content and read. I know if I'm given the opportunity, I can read at least a book a day. Yeah. Well, I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about, you know, they're going on an extended, what is their honeymoon? They got married in August. They're going and traveling Europe for three weeks. And I thought, you know, we need to do something like that, but not even like travel Europe. We need to go to just some hut in the mountains. Like I said, Lake Tahoe, because there was another friend of ours that was there. And get a cabin in the woods and take 10 books and just sit there for four days and read and watch nature and hang out in the mountains. I'm down. Let's do that. Okay. I just made a plan. I'll take the plan.
Lindsays Perfect Marriage (19:18)
Spur of the moment. It's just this all circles all the way back into knowing that I don't have it all figured out. Like I never want to be the guy that's professing on the microphone that this is the way you have to live. This is everything you should do. I have it all figured out. This is every lesson. This is, this is how you have a perfect marriage and a perfect life. I'll say what Lindsay and I have is unique because of how much we both care and communicate. Right. Like even in the episode two, three, four weeks ago where she was mad. As we continue to have conversations about that, she was mad because she didn't know where I was taking the conversation. Yeah, we had already discussed it at home. And it didn't feel like there was an ultimate resolution. Like we came to a resolution here. Yeah. ultimate resolution. Like we, we have, we came to a resolution here that then gave us action items, which then we've been able to adhere to, which then have changed the way that we feel about each other. Right. And it doesn't, you know, I think that a lot of things speaking from point of view of being a divorced person, the, the things that cause divorce end up being the things that you ignore, that you push under the rug, that stack up, that little things turn into monumental problems that are years of peeling back an onion to figure it out because there's been such a breakdown in communication. There's just no way back or at least that feeling of no way back. The difference in our marriage and our whole relationship has been that we tackle the problem when it presents itself, big or small. And you and I are so attuned to each other that when there is a difference in energy, a difference in focus, a difference in communication, that we're able to call each other out on that respectfully sometimes. Most of the time it's respectfully and say, hey, what's going on here? Like, let's put this on the table and talk about it. We don't have a perfect marriage. We don't get along 1,000% of the time, but we absolutely – we don't fight. We don't argue, but we absolutely have discussions when they are needed at that moment, and then we move on from them. Yes, and I think that's an important piece to tie in. Even if you're not married as you're listening there's there's multiple versions of you inside yourself and there's this best version of yourself that's there i promise you even if you don't think it but what happens is you don't address and speak out into the world all your actual thoughts and feelings like someone has told you along the way that you have to sequester them. No different than in a marriage. Sure. Or journal them to start if it makes you more comfortable to organize. Right, but we get a choice. Look at Lindsay and I. I can choose when she pisses me off.
Life cycles of emotions and how we manage them (21:56)
It's going to happen. Sure. Right? I can say, take it. My literal process is stop for a second. Not consciously take a couple deep breaths but center myself. Realize that I have an emotion. Like acknowledge that it exists. Realize where it came from. Realize if it's healthy and serving me and then release it. And so that looks like with Lindsay and I is you're pissing me off. Here's why. Like not yelling at her, not like it's a conversation. No, exactly how you just said it is usually how you say it to me. You are pissing me off right now. Let me explain to you why. Like, have you thought about how I could feel about this? Then it goes where it goes and we come up with a conversation and then it goes away. But that's not, that doesn't have to be to just someone that you are married to or dating. Right? Because the emotions that you are seeing every day, the actions that you are and situations you're put into in your life are creating emotions for you. I guarantee it. Of course. It does it for all of us. are creating emotions for you. I guarantee it. Of course. It does it for all of us. But you have this rare opportunity in every moment to decide to take those same five action steps to process the emotions and figure out what to do with them or swallow them like they didn't happen. And when you swallow them like they didn't happen, you end up eventually divorcing yourself from your best version. Right? And you're just convinced you can't ever get it back. It's like your relationship is just over. And this person that you hoped you could become, you just have convinced yourself all of a sudden like that's never going to be me. Yes. And I was in a situation where I would voice those things but I never got any feedback or response or communication pattern to make those things relevant or solved. And so then I learned by behavior to just let it go, but I never actually let it go. I would hold onto it and swallow it. And then it just became this big ball of angst and hatred that I couldn't get rid of. And that is true no matter who you are. Yes. No matter what season of life, no matter if you're married or divorced, I see it 34 times a week. And I get it because it was me. Being honest, if I look at all my old relationships, I was never able to be honest with what I actually wanted, needed, my communication, although I would have said to you that it was great, right? Like I was a great boyfriend. I was, but I wasn't. Sure. Take out the bias of the fact I wasn't faithful, obviously. Big red flag there. Yeah, that's kind of the biggest breaker. Sure. But what was really happening was I couldn't sit down with these people and say like, I need this, this, and this. And if I don't get this, this, and this, I got to leave. Yeah. You're not providing me these things. Yeah. And whether they were important or not, I let the thems, the they's dictate on if I, if it was appropriate, right? Like I'll make up something very small and insignificant. Let's say that a girl that I dated was not willing to fold my socks, right? Like I just wanted my socks folded. I didn't want them rolled up in a ball. I wanted them folded and put in my drawer. She kept rolling them up, put them in a drawer. This is not a true statement. None of this is true. So don't look at me like I'm crazy. But if it's that important to me that it causes an internal emotional response, then I owe it to myself to get rid of it, to say it, like to speak it out so it's not eating me from the inside because that's what it does over time. And then that small thing plus 25 other small things turns into a big thing over nothing and the big thing is harder to overcome than a bunch of small things in the meantime. But we convince ourselves it's not. Same thing like with our relationships, same thing with these conversations about just being real with each other. It's so much easier to say, I'm tired today, I'm pissed off today, I'm frustrated. But also the notes of appreciation we send to each other. It's pretty tough to be super mad at somebody when you commit every morning to putting yourself in a sense of gratitude. These notes of appreciation that you are certainly able to do yourself. Simply type your partner's name, boyfriend, girlfriend, don't care. I love, honor, or respect. Pick whichever adjective you want it to be. This about who you are. When you take the time to find out something you actually care about and you type it, you physically see the words appearing on the screen, you have to be in a sense of gratitude for that time period in order to actually get it out. When you're in a sense of gratitude, you can't at the same time be in a sense of anger, animosity, angst, scarcity. It is physiologically not possible. You can't have both. If you don't believe me, try it right now. Think about something you're truly grateful for. Think about it. You're probably holding on to it right now. In that sense of gratitude, you can't think of anything you're mad about until I just said mad. Then you switched. It's crazy how the mind works. But you have to own that stuff. My wife keeps kicking me underneath the table. Move your feet. I'm pretty sure I can call this my desk. I have really long legs. And I don't? I mean, just move it over a touch. We're good now. Thank you. I think that's a lesson from this. Sure, we've had multiple conversations about communication, but it's more important to express outwardly that our real life is a work in progress. The Mona Lisa is not completed yet. Fortunately or unfortunately for us, when we both die or whichever one of us goes first, the Mona Lisa will never be finished. The painting never gets to be perfect. I don't expect it to be. I expect it to be real. I consistently use this term of the process of progress. Like we're just never stagnant. No, when we also express what's important to us and don't make, I think a valuable lesson is to make sure that you are not putting your importance with someone else. Like things that are important to you, let them be yours and own them. if somebody else doesn't think that they are important well that's on them leave them yeah no don't leave them but you have to express what is important to you hey that made me feel this way like own that or i'm pissed off today own that and don't make them or don't allow them to make your feelings feel insignificant because I know a lot of people and I've had a lot of friends and I've been in relationships where people will switch that and make it your fault hey I'm mad about this or I'm upset about this and then they turn it around and instead of accepting what you're telling them as important and caring about you enough to look at it from your point of view and how their actions affected your feelings they make it your fault.
Separate identities, same marriage (27:43)
Oh, yeah. I was a master at making my own insecurities be my girlfriend's fault. That was like my go-to. The minute I pushed too hard and thought I was going to get caught, I would just flip a table around and make sure it was their fault. And you're a brilliant salesman. So a lot of your girlfriends fell for it. I'm sure. Until me. Yeah. When did I really ever try to spin around on you? Never, because i just never tolerated your bullshit especially once i found out about all your stuff so no you never lied to me no i lied all the time to start with right but i mean you never lied to me out of malice you lied to me to try to cover something up and when i figured it all out like i didn't you didn't spin it around on me because I didn't allow you to do that I'll give you that yeah that's just how I am though but I mean whatever but that that's the whole point do not let somebody else diminish your feelings of importance or things that are important to you and make them insignificant. Own what's important to you and communicate those things. I mean, it was important for me that you are home and off the phone and present with our family.
Self Care Prioritization
Importance of SELF Care (29:19)
I expressed those things to you. You didn't have to like them or not like them, but because you care about us, our family unit and our relationship and our marriage, we figured out a solution and had actionable items to take steps towards fixing those things. Yes. And with that little piece, I also want to make sure that it's not lost in translation. Lindsay and I still have our date nights, Sunday night, Monday night, or Friday night, because we don't have Gianna. That still goes on. I still have meaningful and impactful conversation with Gianna literally every night. Plus, we play a board game or read or do something together. Our date nights are a little different right now because of time allotment. She's a young woman, young girl. She needs sleep, and she's horse riding and gymnastics, and we only have homework. Homework and just things. So that's a little bit different, but the date nights don't have to be, that's the other thing. Like they don't have to be elaborate and go out and do something in some major production. Like you guys had your date when I took my dad to the doctor and then we went to lunch and I was gone for several hours. Like, gee, it was like, I spent quality time with Ryan and it was awesome. We played several board games and we read some books and like you had a date in the house and spent that time together. The only thing that I'm not honoring is my own time for myself. I still do not. You did last weekend. Yeah. And something I said, I'm doing it this, this upcoming week too. Like I'm going to Austin for two days to hang out in a mastermind group with some really impactful people that I'm super excited just to get away for a day or two. I know I'm excited for you. I wish I could go, but meatball. Yeah. And I'm pushing to decide how quickly I come home and do I take a little extra time? Like that's a whole separate conversation. But when you finally start to own your voice and what you want and you express what you need and you can apply that to your life, you'll find out that every day you're able to get shit done.