Episode 248: Tactical Training Part 3 - Goal Setting | Transcription
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This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is Tactical Training Part 3, Goal Setting. In today's episode, I'm going to share with you why there's a high probability that the way you've been setting goals is inefficient and why it's actually stopping you from achieving the ultimate level of greatness you're capable of. So I must share with you before jumping into this episode, this is the second time that I'm recording this episode. Normally I'm a guy that says just ship it, right? It doesn't have to be perfect. I stutter and stammer from time to time. Right now my nose is a little plugged up. This is not a game of perfection. This is a game of reps. Unfortunately, I was told from our team here that the first recording of this episode sounded a little bit like a robot talking, right? That really just metallic, grinding, not appropriate sound whatsoever. So this is take number two. I hope to bring the same fire the second time, because what I found is when I rerecord an episode, it's not quite as spicy as the first one. But I must also say, with that amount of authentic vulnerability that I'm offering up to you, if you enjoy that sort of thing, if you enjoy figuring out how to own your shit, stand up, take stock of what you have, take stock of where you want to go, and feel inspired to work more closely with someone that can lean into you and help you do that, that is me. That's where I'm positioned. And currently, my one of seven clients are in the process of timing out.
Discussion On Goal Setting And Personal Development
Introducing Us (01:50)
It's a 14-week journey together and we're getting close to the backside and seeing some incredible success. And I've realized through that I need to recalibrate. I'm not going to take on another seven people. I'm buying back some of my own time. So I'm opening up five slots to honor my commitment to my wife, my daughter, also the future success and growth of my business, and myself. And I'm only taking five. So if you're interested from something you've heard on one of these shows, in working with me in a more intimate detail at a deeply discounted rate, give me a shout. Email me at ryan at gsdmediagroup.com. It's actually in the show notes of this episode on iTunes. Now that I have pontificated and tried to beg you to work with me, I feel like I should actually give you a little bit of value. A little bit of value comes from the aspect of goal settings.
The Goal Setting Benefit (02:50)
You see, I was taught, trained to set SMART goals. Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals. Have you heard that before? Have you heard that acronym of SMART? And that's how you should set your goals. Now, I can't say I inherently disagree with that, right? There's some benefit there. But what happens with most goal-setting issues, like if I ask you what your goals are right now, especially from what I've seen working with my clients in our first intake conversations, the goals that most people have are, I want to make more money and I want a better job. Or we could say, I want a bigger bank account and I want a different title associated with my name as it pertains to work. Does that sound familiar? Are my clients the only ones on the planet that think that way? I don't believe so. I used to think that. Those were my goals. That's what dictated my level of success. Well, it dictated my level of success because that's what I was told success really meant. My dad worked tirelessly to provide a good living for myself, my sister, and my mother. And it was always about the next level of income. And it was always about the next title associated with his name. So I got it honestly. Maybe you yourself have adopted the same mindset and methodology that that's just what this is for you. I get it. Sincerely. But I want to challenge that way of thinking for just a minute, right? Because when you set those goals and when you look at that specific measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound, it eliminates part of what you're capable of. Right, because what happens to all of us? What happens to all of us when we say that we want something that's outside the scope of what our social circle, our tribe, or our significant other can comprehend? We're looked down at. We're made to feel like we're crazy. We're made to even feel insecure. I'm going to make this about cars for just a moment.
Goal Setting Example (05:04)
I'm going to walk you through an example of what I mean. It's no secret if you listen to the show for quite some time that I'm a car guy. I love automobiles, have since I was a very, very young man. I remember playing with matchbox cars and ramping them off our little two-step concrete slab front porch. Just had a whole boxes and boxes and boxes of matchbox cars. just had a whole boxes and boxes and boxes of matchbox cars. And so let's say I've always wanted to own a Ferrari. Then I just feel like that's the pinnacle. I want to have a Ferrari. And in wanting to have a Ferrari, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that. Right? And we can get into in future episodes. Is it the ego that wants a Ferrari? Is it the insecurity of the little boy inside of you? Or is it the fact that you truly feel like you deserve it and it's the quality of the build, right? There's different reasons as to why we do different things. Let's assume your reasons are altruistic. Let's assume that things work out the right way, just like they're supposed to. And so you start sharing with people that you feel close with that you'd like to, you know, you're going to own a Ferrari. I'm going to get one, and you think about your best friend, and your best friend is just like you, more than likely middle class, maybe upper middle class, drives a nice car, but potentially used car, and he looks at you like you have three eyes. I said, sure you are, bud. I bet you're going to own a Ferrari, and he laughs, and he looks at you like you have three eyes. He says, sure you are, bud. I bet you're going to win a Ferrari. And he laughs, and he kind of looks down his nose at you. Have you felt that before about something that you've wanted? And in that moment, the minute that I'm sharing that in this hypothetical situation, I feel like, man, maybe I really can't achieve that. Maybe I don't deserve the Ferrari. And so you look for external validation yet again. Maybe you share it with your parents, right? Because your parents always have your back. And you call your mom up on the phone on the way home from your friend's house. Mom, you know, I just got done talking to Tim and I told Tim I want to own a Ferrari and I'm going to. She says, oh, that's nice, sweetheart. And she switches the subject. And it just compounds the way that you feel even more. Nothing really got solved. And so you try one more time, right? You're driving home, you get to your house and you're talking to your girlfriend or your wife. And you sit down with her and you're like, man, it's just been a long day. I just feel like I can't catch a break. And you don't share really why, but you sit down and say, you know, it's weird I've decided I want to own a Ferrari. That's what I'm going to do. And she looks at you and says, but what about wedding ring, engagement ring, house, clothes, shoes, vacations, tuitions, name something. And all of a sudden, the justification for the goal that you had for yourself is diminished to zero. So is the likelihood of you actually getting what you desire, just about zero. Because there's these new neural pathways that have been created in your brain that wire the fact that when you state what you want, and it's bigger than the people that are around you, you're just going to get talked down to. So why even think that way? This is tribalism at its finest. It's not like anybody that said that to you was mean.
Why We Stopped You From Owning A Ferrari (08:13)
They weren't doing it out of a place of malice. They were doing it out of a place in which they could understand. You see, think about right now, if you called up Jeff Bezos, owner of Amazon, founder of Amazon, and said to him, you want to own a Ferrari, I would guess he's going to say, well, which model? Are you going to get it built by hand in Italy? Are you going to go over and take delivery at the factory? It doesn't even dawn on him that there is another possibility because he's already been there before. He's already achieved that level of success. And so instantly you start to feel justified in what you're striving to achieve. And you can start to visualize yourself actually flying to Italy and taking delivery of this car that you've salivated on since you were a young man. That's possible in many other aspects of your life. You see, you can't always associate, as we do so often, you can't associate success and goals only to money and title. You know, it's been proven time and time again. If you want to accelerate your growth in your business, if you want more money in your bank account, if you actually want a better title, the first thing you should do is not double down and work more hours. It's to take your rear end to the gym. It's to start eating more healthy. It's to decrease your stress. It's to calm down your parasympathetic nervous system, right? There's things that we do that actually slow us down later in life. And we can't see it because we're so stuck in the hustle grind mentality. Hustle, hustle, hustle, grind away. You got 24 hours a day. How are you going to use all 25 of them? Yes, 24 hours and how are you going to use 25? And it's ridiculous because that's not actually what will get you sustainable growth. Sustainable growth comes from balance. But as it pertains to business and titles and wealth, that actually comes from optimizing the health of your body, finding a routine that fits you, finding diets that fuel you, switching your relationship with food from taste to fuel.
Defining Success with LIFEBOOK (10:15)
It doesn't mean it has to taste bad. It just means you have to reframe your relationship. But I share all this with you because in goal setting, I believe the inherent model of success being defined by a title in a bank account is flawed. I believe it actually spreads across 12 different components. These same 12 components are spoken about in a course called Lifebook, L-I-F-E-B-O-O-K. I don't even remember the husband and wife that started Lifebook, but they just really nailed this on the head. You take 12 specific areas of your life, relationship, parenting, business, how your body feels, your intellect, your spiritual connection. And you go across these 12 different variables. And you plan for success in all of them. Because how we do one thing is how we do everything and a high tide raises all boats in the harbor. So imagine you have 12 cylinders in front of you right now, 12 tubes that can all be filled up with water. Imagine you just can consistently pour water into all of them equally, right? Just go back and forth. And they all eventually get all the way filled to the top. Then imagine that same size beaker you had in your hand originally that filled up all 12, you just sat there and dumped into one. Well, there'd be water all over the damn table. It'd be on your pants right now. You'd be cleaning up a mess. But yet we live our life that way. We pour all of our water into one bucket like it matters. It doesn't. It doesn't matter. Not like that. And so as we talk about setting these goals, what I'm going to encourage you to do is stop for a moment. And I'm going to encourage you to enter into what I'll call a meditative state. This obviously shouldn't be done while you're driving. This shouldn't be done while you're operating a chainsaw or heavy machinery. This should be something you can do in the quiet seclusion of ideally your own home, somewhere you feel safe. And just shut your eyes. Even if you've never meditated before, shut your eyes and just focus on the fact that you're breathing. Feel the air go into your nose and feel it come out through your mouth. Take deep, chest-filling breaths. And allow yourself just to calm down by counting to 20. Every breath in counts as one. And you have these breaths and you calm yourself down and then you think to yourself, if I knew I could not fail, if success was imminent and I could have anything I wanted, how would my body look? And think about that in your mind for a second. How would your body actually look? But more importantly than that, how would it feel? How would the skin on the back of your arms feel? What would you be able to do with this new body? Truly sit there with your eyes closed in this meditative state and visualize what that level of success looks like. As you're doing all this, we're going to imagine that this can be achieved in the next three years.
Meditation Exercise (13:45)
Because we don't really know what's possible. Everybody's told us we can't have it all. How many times have you heard that in your life? The first time you go to the grocery store and you pick something up with your mom and you're in the shopping cart. You've already cried and you've begged for a toy and she bought you the toy. It's in the shopping cart itself. Then it's you're driving up and down aisles. Your hand can't help but reach out and try to grab stuff off the shelf. And she looks at you and says, no, put it back. And she grabs out your hand and puts it back and you start to cry, right? And whether it's real tears or alligator tears, you cry these tears and your mom looks at you deadpan and says, just stop. You already got a toy. You can't have it all. You just can't have everything. And although she didn't mean anything with any malice from that, that gets again ingrained in your psyche. That's ingrained in how your brain is firing without you even knowing it's there. So perhaps for the first time in your life through this exercise, you start to realize just how incredibly capable of everything you want you are. Because let's take the relationship side of things for a second. Let's imagine right now you're single or maybe even in a relationship that you're not ultimately happy with. Let's imagine three years from now with all constraints taken off your life, you could truly have the ideal partner that you always fantasized about. truly have the ideal partner that you always fantasized about. Let's live that fantasy for a second.
Creating Your Ideal Partner (15:06)
Same thing with your eyes closed. Take yourself to the point of feeling her hair in your hand. What color is it? How does her shampoo smell? What color are her earrings? How does her hand feel as it touches the inside of your hand? Can you feel her heartbeat as you hug her? Take a moment to paint the mental imagery of what that actually looks like, that level of intimacy and connection to your partner. What is that? What does that person look like? What do they talk like? What color is their skin? Are they tan? Are they pale? It's your reality. You get to create it. And you go through that same visualization process across all 12 variables of life.
Occupy your success (15:53)
And it's truly impactful, right? You're feeling that you've already achieved this because I believe it's truly possible for you. Instead of saying you can't have it all, I actually believe you are destined and determined to have it all. I actually believe that all that you want already exists. You just have to align yourself in an area to go out and attract it, to acquire it. And so once we have that across all 12 areas, three years in the future, now we're back to reality. We have to get a little more practical, a little pragmatic. Like, well, I can't snap my fingers and find this blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman that smells like coconuts. I can't find that. I get it. I don't know where one's at either for you. I'm sorry. I get it. I don't know where one's at either for you. I'm sorry. What we can do, though, is set benchmarks at one year and two years, building into the third year of success. And so you think, obviously, two years from now, you'd have to at least be dating this person if you want to get married. And one year from now, you'd have to be somewhere in the world that that person could exist. Probably not a military base filled with men. Probably not different areas like that. You'd have to put yourself in alignment with where that person could ultimately be. So great. We still can't really make sense of this. We're talking about things that are years in the future. I mean it's still a year away. I get it. What we're going to do now is we're going to take that year and we're going to chunk it down into four equal quarters. Right? Four 12-week quarters. And all the things you would have to do in quarterly time periods to make that happen.
Fill up your tubes (17:36)
Then you're going to step all the way back to just right now. This current quarter. Well, the quarter of the year has 12 weeks. So now we come up with action items that we would do every week sequentially over a 12-week period. And we get super clear about what the success looks like 12 weeks from now. We go back to the visualization exercise. We go back to owning that success and knowing that it's possible for us. We write that down on a sheet of paper, right? That's our 90-day challenge outcome. That's how that looks there. At the top of the page, you write down a visualization of what that three-year goal looks like in the future. And I'm also going to have you write down what happens in a year. What's the year-long success? And that's not just in a relationship. That's across all 12 aspects of your life. Because, again, you're going to have to pour some water into each tube. You're going to have to add a little bit incrementally across the board. We can't go too much in any one direction. If we do, we end up breaking the equation, and we don't actually rise as quickly as we're capable of. How many times in your life are you guilty of that yourself where you get hyper-focused on working out and you kind of give up a relationship? You don't pour into it like you should or you don't show up at work as present as you need to be. Maybe the opposite for most of us, right? You're so hellbent on the fact of you need more money. You need more success. Maybe you need a new title that you're going to outwork everybody. You're there two hours before everybody and say two hours later. Over the course of the year, look down at your stomach and you put on 20 pounds and you have no outlet and you have no social life and you haven't traveled and you don't know who God is anymore and you've attached all your validation to goals that are set externally versus internally. That's why to me, sure, a smart goal makes sense, but the smart goal needs to have no cap put on it. You just need to be able to achieve what you desire over a period of time. And any time that the road gets rocky, because it will, you need to have readily at your disposal the ability to look down and re-visualize what it is that you want. Tony Robbins literally does this every morning. Tony Robbins literally does this every morning more uber wealthy successful people that I know or have come across or have read about do a hybrid version of this either morning or evening but yet the perspective that you're able to see life through no different than I used to be able to see life through tells us that this is stupid and that this doesn't actually work. And this is some law of attraction, woo-woo, doesn't work bullshit. Maybe that's true. What I'll encourage you to consider is the possibility that simply visualizing and feeling in your soul what success across all 12 areas actually feels like certainly can't hurt. Especially when you run every action every day through a filter of saying, is it getting you closer to filling up one of those beakers, one of those tubes? Is it getting you closer to your three-year outcome? As long as you're consistently recalibrating your daily actions and eliminating those that don't get you closer, do you think you're getting closer or further away from that level of success? Of course. Of course, closer. And that ends up being, to me, the hybrid version of what goal setting really becomes. It's one of the first things we have to do together. You eliminate all this stuff of you can't and you shouldn't and you don't know how. You're not supposed to. Think about this right now. If you knew how to get from where you're at to where you want to arrive at, the entire field of psychology wouldn't exist. The entire field of coaching wouldn't exist. The entire field of goal planning wouldn't exist. The entire field of mentorship wouldn't exist. You just field of goal planning wouldn't exist. The entire field of mentorship wouldn't exist. Right? Like you just wouldn't need anybody else. There is no shame in saying, I want somebody to help me achieve success quicker than I've achieved it before. Where there is shame is when you look back after 10 years and the people that did raise their hand and take a step in and ask for help have achieved tenfold what you have and you're afraid to admit the fact you should have said yes then.
Call To Action
Take the step into this journey. (21:57)
Right? Because the craziest thing happens, right? Those of us that need this the most typically are the ones that are the most strapped to make it happen. Meaning you don't have the financial wherewithal. I understand the fact. There's been many times in my life where I didn't have an extra 50 grand sitting around to make arbitrary decisions on personal development and self-healing, goal setting, planning. And I'm certainly not implying this is a $50,000 opportunity. What I'm saying is we all need a cushion, right? We're all striving to have some sort of wealth in the bank to allow us to just make decisions for ourselves. What happens when you elicit the help of someone that has already been through many of the things that you have and can guide you through the troubled waters that you don't know that are around the bend. And after a 12, 14 week or six month time together, all of a sudden you actually hit the goals. And the money that you were lacking when you first started, you end up having an abundance, right? It's the fear that keeps you there. The old acronym of false evidence appearing real is exactly what fear is because so far in my practice, I don't have anybody that hasn't hit their goal that's put in the work. Most people get more done in 12 weeks than they originally thought they could do in 12 months. That's just what good goal setting does. That's just what good goal setting does.