Episode 260: Your Test Is Your Testimony | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 260: Your Test Is Your Testimony".

1970-01-01T01:00:18.000Z

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Introduction

Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is Your Test is Your Testimony. Today's episode, I want to share with you a lesson that came to me from one of my clients and how quickly it can impact the next season of your life. So I'm incredibly fortunate. I get to spend multiple hours every week learning. Think about that. How many hours a week do you actually spend learning? Maybe it's through podcasts, maybe it's through books, or maybe it's because you're open to life's experiences as you go through your day and you receive the lessons that appear. Either way, how many hours do you actually spend? Minutes, maybe it's seconds learning each week. I get to be really fortunate by the fact of having 30 plus one-on-one phone calls with various clients, right? With various people that are looking for an optimized experience in life. I get to learn something on every phone call. I get a message reinforced. I get a new way to handle situations. a message reinforced. I get a new way to handle situations. I get all these incredible insights that just compound themselves day after day. And one of those lessons came today.


Personal Journeys And Empowerment

Empowering Conversations (01:27)

Speaking with one of my clients that has made leaps and bounds in transformation in his life. This guy on the West Coast, he's a father, he's a ex-husband, he's a businessman. He's got a lot of things. I believe that he is very successful. But success to me is not tied just to money. It's tied to how much he cares about his kids and how focused he is on being a father. It's tied to how he takes care of his body and what he puts in it and what he doesn't put in it. It's tied to the relationships that he has with his parents and the people around him. And then it's also tied to seeing him excel and climb the ladder inside the corporation that he's a part of. And I see all this, but this week he's struggling. We all struggle. And I see all this, but this week he's struggling. We all struggle. Any person that tells you that they are not struggling or haven't had a bad day or haven't had a bad week, I believe is either not tapped in truly to their emotions or is just a unicorn. Because I'll go weeks without having a quote-unquote bad day, but there are moments of frustration, pain, tiredness, misery that pop up from time to time any day. It's the awareness that they happen and the shift move that I personally go through to recalibrate myself to realize that those moments are present and that I see them and that I feel them and that I'm okay with them that I kind of lose power right away. But I'm having this conversation and he's sharing with me the struggles he's got.


Transmuting Relationships (03:04)

And they happen to be with his ex, right? I mean, think of your life. I know my life, my exes, I don't see much of a need to communicate with them, but I would still venture to say that if I saw them, they would throw hot coffee at me, pour water on my head, turn the other way. My life is a pretty speckled mess. I've tested myself in a lot of different capacities when it comes to relationships. And he's sharing with me, this client, what he's going through. And I'll keep that private for him and I, but as we work through it and we reframe it and we find, say what's true and how he feels about what's true and then what he wants to focus energy on and then the plan to go achieve that, it keeps coming to me, right? I'm open to receive from the universe or from my client or from a higher power, whatever you want to say. It's like, man, you got to lean into him and express, like I know he's still holding on to things. There's still old resentment. There's still old stories. There's still pieces and parts that haven't been shared outwardly that he's bottled up internally. Now, I know that's not a specific situation that is only valid for him. Most of us have pieces and parts of our lives that we are not proud of, that we wish we would have done differently. Maybe where we didn't honor ourselves or honor those around us. And we keep them in. And I'm convinced of one thing above all else. We all feel, right? There's feelings that happen. Whether we want to admit it or not, whether we own them or not, there's a triggering event that feels like it happens in our head of like I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm sad, I'm embarrassed. There's something. And we have two choices at that moment to do something about what comes into our head. We can have it's going to go down, like it's going to pass our mouth and go into our stomach or it's going to come out of our mouth. The majority of us have been taught to not have it come out of our mouths. We don't know how to find the power, purpose, and production in those words. We just swallow them down. And over time, enough of those situations get swallowed that they almost boil up. You almost have to like word vomit them out. And that typically comes when you're drunk, when you're under the influence of alcohol, when you're super mad at somebody. Right? These things come out and they really become overwhelming. And so I'm poking at him and I'm asking him questions. And I want to understand how much of what went on in your relationship with now your ex, does she really know about? How much have you owned? How much is there left to be said? how much is there left to be said? And we uncover a lot. We uncover a lot that he's never let go of. And as a man, I believe you women are incredibly in tune to when we have shared our test or when we've hidden it from you. And so I encourage him. I go through a conversation that I've had with my mother and my father at different times, right? Like they created the best life for me that they knew how. And they painted my life from their perspective of reality. It's not that they were bad people. It's not that they were bad people. It's not that they were good people. We're all just people, human beings. But for most of us, we've been passed down stories, ways of operating, ways of thinking. And so they did what they could do for me. And in that, they also did what they could do to me. and in that they also did what they could do to me. And so there came a point in life where I had to sit down with both of them and release the things that I felt about both of them. Now this doesn't mean attack. I didn't sit across them and yell at them. I didn't berate them. It's I had these stories that were locked in my soul. I'll call it my stomach. That I had to sit across from them, look them in the eye and say, this is how I feel about these things and I'm tired of feeling this way so I have to release them. And when I was able to do that and muster up the courage, my relationship got better with both of my parents. Right, because I wasn't doing it because I wanted them to say sorry. It had nothing to do with sorry.


I was tired of holding resentment (07:48)

I did not want an explanation. I wasn't seeking some sort of money. I was saying it because I was tired of having them have control over the way I was operating. And when I shared outwardly to both of them how I felt about different parts and pieces of life and the way that I felt was not positive, there was a negative twinge to these conversations. And when I released all the negativity, it dawned on me in that moment, I almost instantly switched and had to give them thanks. I'd tell them I appreciate them because I have a saying that you can't give someone credit for the shit if you also don't give credit to them for the shine. And while I was very frustrated about the stories that I had told myself about what had happened in my life, it were those same stories that created the man that I am today. life, it were those same stories that created the man that I am today. And so I had to then, in those same conversations, share with them how thankful I was that those things had happened. And I sit across from them at a dining room table, independently, not together. By the time we leave the table, I feel lighter finally. I'm no longer holding on to 20, 30, 50, 100 pounds of weight. It's just gone. And this is difficult, right? Especially as we say this to our parents. They gave life to us. We're supposed to honor and respect them. I would encourage you to consider saying what has hurt you that you've been holding on to your entire life is the ultimate form of respect. It's respecting yourself first. It's changing that hierarchy from God others you to you God others. And it's different when you're not doing it for a reason, when you're not doing it to attack them, when you're not doing it looking for an apology. It's like you just feel lighter. looking for an apology. It's like you just feel lighter. But those very sentences, as I'm sharing them with my client, he says, man, I've just never thought of it that way. So what are you saying I should do? I said, man, your test, the things you've been through, that's also your testimony. All the stories that we keep inside, all the shortcomings, all the decisions that we should not have made from a new vantage point, all the shortcomings, all the frustration, it's all meant to be shared. Because we all think we're alone and we're all afraid of judgment and ridicule.


KNOW列enia SHESSE...대选ANδSHESSE exceptioplan electrum... (10:24)

And don't get me wrong, that comes. But it comes from the people that ultimately don't matter. Like I have a saying that the loudest boos come from the cheapest seats. And you don't get to rent space in my life if you don't want to cheer me on. And I would encourage that for you as well, just as I encourage it for my client. That there are stories that need to be shared because you don't deserve to hold onto the baggage anymore. You should only take the pieces and parts that serve you going forward. And carrying around an extra hundred pounds of junk on your back every day of the stories that you feel ashamed of, I must ask you, is that really serving you? Is that making you a better version of yourself? And when I asked this impactful question to my client, he said, certainly not. So what are you suggesting I do? And so we'll start with, I'd get really clear. I'd write down all the things that you haven't told people. I'd do that a time or two, right? We want to make sure that our emotions are able to be present and processed and not in control. We want to make sure that we have the ability to control them. But then I would encourage you when the time is right, and I'll say the voice, God, intuition, higher power, something will tell you it's time. It's time to share these things. And when you actually take action on that and you get out of your head, this is not a cerebral exercise.


Because only Eeso Can Properly Classicize The Gram (11:53)

This is a heart-based exercise. Then when you make that shift and you say the tough things to the people that have hurt you, Now, when you make that shift and you say the tough things to the people that have hurt you, it's like your heart opens up. It's like you attract a different type of person. It's like you're on a different wavelength or vibration or frequency or whatever you believe in. And I recalibrate it, right? I share with him that by me doing the very thing I'm asking you to do, instructing you to do, it has led me to this moment with you right now. Had I not started this podcast 240 some odd days ago and share the meaningful things and maybe not so meaningful things that have went wrong and went right in my life, really shared my testimony or shared my test, I wouldn't be half as successful as I am today. I wouldn't be increasing people's capacity to live a life that's beyond their wildest imagination. I would still be locked up in the prison of my own thoughts. That's not a very fun place to reside. There's really no reason for it other than the story that you're telling yourself what's like when you tell yourself the story it's like you have blinders on and you have earplugs in and you get confined in the stories of your own head but when you're confined in those stories of course you feel scared because you can't see an outside perspective and those sounds and visual representations in your mind are always far worse than the actual outcome. And so it paralyzes you from taking the steps forward to release yourself. Because I truly don't believe we're meant to be in purgatory here. And there's a certain part by not releasing these old stories and old energy that you hold onto that just is crippling your growth. I can guarantee it because I get to see it 30 times a week. And although it's scary and difficult, these are the things that create the next level of awareness for you. Just like you said, it's creating the next level of awareness for my client. And from this next level of awareness, he's able to play the game of life in a different field. He's seeing a different perspective. And this eventually bounces into the fact that I truly believe, sure, we've done things to harm other people. Maybe not intentionally, but there's things that have caused emotional trauma and distress for other people. And certainly they deserve to express themselves and feel the negative emotions that they felt from that situation. But the majority of arguments, discussions, hurt feelings, those come from something that is deeply rooted in the individual that's saying it to you. They saw a perceptive reality that was created by their parents or they went through their own life's issues and traumas and dramas and never figured out a way to healthily process those emotions. They just swallow them, right? Because that's what we're told to do. And so the little thing becomes the big thing and the attack that they put forth on you isn't really the attack on you. It's kind of the attack on the part of them that's dead. That part of them that's dead, they don't even know why it's dead because they haven't considered that it is. And so they outwardly blame everyone else for the issue. It's a really crazy thing to think about as you're sitting there in an argument or discussion, like what is the role that I played in this versus what is the role that has been created prior to me being present?


Path To Self-Discovery And Growth

As I Was Trying To Figure Some Other Stuff Out... (15:15)

I suppose that's ultimately a topic for another day as it's divergent upon the whole fact of just your test being your testimony and how much I encourage you to share the stuff. Share the stuff that makes you vulnerable. Share the stuff that you're afraid of. Share the stuff that you think people are going to judge you for. Because what I found by having this show and by sharing the ugly, right, like lying and cheating and failed businesses and anabolic steroid use and these things that I share, sure, it has repelled people. They have walked out of my life. But it has also drawn a tribe of people together that thought they were alone that realize they no longer are. You have a tribe of people that are looking for the same thing from you. You just don't know who they are and you never will until you share it. But when you share your test as your testimony, you find out that every day thereafter, you're able to get shit done. you


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