Episode 266: Ryan & Lindsay - We Have An Announcement | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 266: Ryan & Lindsay - We Have An Announcement".


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Opening Remarks

Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host Ryan Neidell and today's episode is the best day of the week where my lovely wife Lindsay is in the studio with me. Hi babe. Hello sweetheart. And today's different. Today we have a highly anticipated announcement. We do have an announcement and we're live today. We are. This is something that's our first live. Yes we've had so many people message us over the time that we've been co-hosting a podcast really waiting and just in anticipation for, I think, this moment. I think you're right. How long have we been doing the co-host on the podcast here now? Not long enough. Too long. Oh, that's cute. I don't know. I don't know. Certainly, if we're 260 episodes in or so, you've got to figure we've been doing it for, we've probably had 60, 70 of these episodes. All right. Give or take. It's probably a little too high, but somewhere in there. I'm with you on that one. Okay. And so, so much of what I feel makes my wife and I unique is our ability to communicate. Yeah, that's the biggest thing about our marriage. And I completely agree, but that communication comes from the trials and tribulations that we've triumphed through. Correct. If you're new to the podcast, if you're new to our lives, I certainly put Lindsay through the ringer for the first six months of infidelity. And then really what sprung into the next six months of just trying to recalibrate my mind, what was important. Undoing some of the old stories from my past, right? Like really some crazy stuff. Yeah. I mean, obviously the infidelity and the stories and all that is a thing, but getting over the hump of all of the past things for you, not even for us as a couple, but just unwinding your stories that you had told yourself and your disbeliefs in who you were and your past discretions that you had to overcome personally, that was probably a bigger hurdle than the cheating to start with. Yeah. I mean, that's from your perspective, right? Those are the things that you had to go through is at that point, just my girlfriend, even we weren't engaged. We didn't, it wasn't a shotgun wedding, right? Like, no. We were together for four years before we got married. Yeah. We were just two people that decided to make it work. Right. And with those decisions, on the backside of that came a little rough spot as far as financial. When I say a little rough spot, it's like, hey, sweetheart, come pick me up from downtown. My truck got towed. Oh, really? What's wrong with your truck? Nothing. It got repossessed because I haven't made the payment. Surprise! Welcome to my life right now. Right, right. And so it was super interesting on how you helped support me through that, right? I mean, not only financially, right? There was a dry spell in my life in which the amount of income I was used to producing was certainly nowhere near what I actually had. Right. But there was also the fact of just not even producing really at all. I was in this in-between spot where a business I had didn't work and hadn't jumped in the next thing. And even once I had jumped into custom clothing, that's really like a 60-day revenue cycle. Right. So there was three months where it's like. There was nothing going on and I was working and bringing in all the money for our family. You were. You were. Those were super interesting times as a man, right? Like being the provider, quote unquote, thinking I had my shit together and having to just put all my cards on the table for really the first time probably in my life where I didn't have infidelities that my girlfriend didn't know about. I wasn't living a life based off duality. I didn't have money, so I wasn't trying to buy my way out of things. It was just like, well, here I am. Yeah. Loved you anyway, right? So at that point, we had kind of stripped everything down and it was, okay, I truly want to be with you for you. Not because of anything else. House, money, cars, trips, things. Which is crazy. I still have no idea why you want to be with me because I I've said it before on this podcast and I'll say it a thousand times there was something that I saw in you that was bigger than what I think anybody else had seen and what you had seen and I just knew it was there And here we are now years later and those things have manifested themselves, right? Those things I always knew about you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Those things also helped catapult me into eventually new levels of success, right? But even during those times, we had our own ebbs and flows, ups and downs, right? Like our relationship, although it might sound sunny and perfect as it pertained to the podcast, and we're not trying to keep on our best shoes as we call it. I think it's just, there's only so many negative things that we still allow ourselves to even consider being possibilities, but it wasn't always like that.

Discussion On Partnerships And Personal Journeys

Whats different about our partnership? (04:45)

No. Right. From in the custom clothing world, I would be gone 20 plus days a month. And it wasn't that I was, there was a story that had floated around some of our peer group that as I was traveling, that I had to be cheating and I had to be stepping out because that's just who I was. I can say hand to God, that was never what it was for me. What it was, I was so hellbent on trying to overproduce at this level because I had experienced nothing. I had experienced lack. I had experienced what it felt like to have my wife have to take care of me, that it didn't matter produce at this level because I had experienced nothing. I had experienced lacked. I had experienced what it felt like to have my wife have to take care of me, that it didn't matter what I had to do to produce income. I was going to go do that and do it at the biggest level I possibly could. So I would travel 20, 24 days a month. There were weeks, months where I was like two nights in bed. Which is not good for a marriage, a relationship, a family dynamic.

How we communicated (05:45)

Like those things start to struggle, right? You cannot be absent from your pod of life for that long and expect things to continue as normal. Right. But you did a phenomenal job in being able to communicate with me. Not only your, I don't want to say displeasure in it, because you were supportive. It wasn't a thing, like the way I remember the story. You were never aggressive like you need to be home. It was like, I support what you're doing. Just know we want you home. Yeah, like let's figure out a different plan. Let's think about ways that we could block time at home more, block travel, or that Gianna and I could go with you. Or I could travel with you on the days that we don't have her and she's with her dad. with you on the days that, you know, we don't have her and she's with her dad. And just things that kind of reconnected us as a couple and as a family unit, but then still allowed you to feel like the producer that you were out doing, that you were out, you know, venturing and producing and making a life for us. I'll take that. I mean, I think that's a great way to depict that time in life. Yeah.

Relationship & Anabolics (06:45)

But then we get into this unique time period. So during this entire relationship, and Lindsay was aware of it, although might not have been comfortable owning it to the world because it was something internally between her and I and also inside of myself, that entire time period I had used consistently anabolic steroids. Yeah. That never bothered me personally. I know that a lot of people freak out when they hear anabolic steroids. Yeah. That never bothered me personally. I know that a lot of people freak out when they hear anabolic steroids or you're a drug pusher or whatever it might be. But I had not experienced anybody using anabolic steroids except for you in my life. And so, of course, the videos I saw in high school, you know, raging crazy people and really violent and, you know, turning bald at 20 and all that kind of stuff. And you just were, while you're going gray, you're not bald. I'm going gray because you stress me the shit out. That is not me. No, not you at all. No, not me. But you just, you were never like that crazy roid rage guy. You've just always been even keeled. So I never really thought anything different other than the fact that I was worried about your health long term. Of course. You didn't think anything else of it until I stopped using it. And not because you were, I mean, you were excited, right? I called you from California. We've shared this story before. And I'm like, I'm done. Just put it all away. Like, let's get rid of it. Like, I don't care. And that was September October and by December we experienced the first time in our relationship again I think it's appropriate for married people to say this we have a very healthy desire for one another sexually we have an active sex life a very active and healthy sex life where we have had sex and times in our relationship at a very frequent level, right? Right. And as anabolics are pulled out of my body, I'm good for another two months. But in that third month of December, it was kind of like my body just said, you know what, thanks for playing, but you've lost. Go home, you're drunk. Yeah, you're done. And there was no intimacy. It didn't matter what went on. And from, although you say it doesn't, on my side, because of the infidelity before and because of just things and stories, like there had to be some triggering events like either you not feeling sexy, not feeling right. Like it had nothing to do with you. Sure. And that happens in all kinds of stages of marriage. You know, after something like this, after having children, like there's just points where you're not connected sexually for whatever reason. And so as a woman, I'm thinking, you know, a couple of things and they're not thoughts that I dwell on, right? They come into my head. I acknowledge them and then just put them away because they don't serve me. They're not going to help us, but I communicated them all to you, which is, you know, I understand what's going on with your body, right? Logically, I get it. Your body's not producing testosterone. You have no idea what's going on. Your body hasn't had to produce testosterone in God knows how many years on its own. But as a woman, I'm like, wait a minute, what's going on here? Like, don't you find me sexy? Don't you think I'm attractive? And no matter what we did on here like don't you find me sexy don't you think I'm attractive and no matter what we did it just wasn't happening so you know we talked about those things and eventually it fixed itself and we got over it but there were times where I was just like I'm not really sure what's happening here but they were few and far between and we communicated about those consistently yeah and you should never doubt yourself I mean you're always you've always always always been incredibly phenomenally adequate. Oh, thanks, honey. It's always so adequate. It's always been just amazingly normal the way that we've been. Wow. I mean, I just feel the love right now. Those notes of appreciation will hit you at home, don't they? Well, we go from that season of life really and start springboarding into planning out and having our wedding and all the trials and tribulations that come from because Lindsay had been married before, I got the distinct privilege and honor of paying for our wedding. Yes. From start to finish. So I go from a three-year prior part of life in which I had literally no money, a negative bank account balance where Lindsay's bailing us out, to now all of a sudden I'm paying for and have the ability to. Like let's not call it what – there was nothing used on credit, right? I paid for the wedding. Yeah. And how amazing that was to get married, but then all the stress of all the pieces and parts. It is. It is very stressful. I actually just saw a friend at the gym the other day and he is getting married next month and asked him, you know, how are things going? Are you excited? What's going on? And he's like, man, I'm just, I'm just ready to be married. Like all the stuff leading up to it is stressful. Like there's, there's just, you know, it's collisions a lot. One person's very stressed out. The other person's relaxed or they're both stressed out or, you know, you have those last minute, like, oh, how, what are we doing? Maybe this is a bad idea. I never had that with you. I never had that either. But in conversations I've had with people, that was, you know, I certainly had that the first time I got married. Yeah. I'm glad not the second. We know the first one ended up. That's why I'm sitting here. But we go through the marriage and the honeymoon and all. Right, the honeymoon phase. Everybody says the honeymoon phase. Well, Lindsay and I at this point, I'm going to round up and say it's May. Right, I know it's January, but whatever. We've been together five years. Yeah, almost. And we've been through plenty of stuff. Like the honeymoon phase wore off at like month four with everything I put you through. Oh, for sure. And so we get into the next stage of life. And of course, now we're to the point of talking about kids, right? And that's where we're at currently. Kind of. Right. Like that's that's been the conversation back and forth and side to side is we have an incredible daughter that I'll say between us, although Lindsay had Gianna with her ex-husband. I know I've shared it before, but I look at her as my daughter. She's the closest thing that I may ever have to a daughter, even if we decide to have kids after this announcement that if end up having we could have a boy and that she would be the only girl I have. Right. Right. Right. So what it's like to be a part of a blended family as a true family unit, not someone that can like, oh, well, I've had enough.

Blended Family (12:35)

I'm going to leave now from being married and going down that path of now we are a family and what that looks like, integrating the pieces and parts and then talking about planning the next stage of our family life. Right. And that part has been, I mean, the blended family is a whole crazy dynamic that so many families face and so many families are struggling with that. And we certainly have struggled with that and have finally figured it out and are on a good healthy path right now between everyone which is nice um but you know whether or not we're going to have a child of our own how we feel about just having one i mean when you look at it logically we are janice nine we're 10 years away roughly a little less of sending her to college and being in our forties and being able to take our dogs and travel and do whatever we want and still have a home base for Gianna versus having another baby now and having a child that is our DNA combined and raising one on our own, our way and having a child in college and a third grader in 10 years. Yeah, I mean, that's something that we're still in the process of, I guess. We're only so much in the process at this point with what's coming, but we're there, right? That's part of life, part of what we have to deal with. I feel like we missed, I don't want to say an important step, but to me a hugely important step of during that past year, you know, March will be a year since I had the first massive death in my life, right?

Death of Miles (14:01)

I'd never lost anyone close to me. The office we're sitting in was built by my friend Miles, right, like him and his father Tim. Like we dealt with the loss of someone incredibly close, like literally my best friend. I mean, I have his face tattooed on my arm and that whole thing and how that spun us around. Yeah. Right before our wedding was supposed to stand with us at the altar, be your best man, was involved in our everyday life because he was here at the office with us all the time. Someone we talked to every day and just loved very much. And that's a massive loss to have that person all of a sudden not part of you every day. Yeah. And really, you had loss, too, just in a different capacity. Right.

Who do I associate (14:52)

Right. As you continue to go down the path of personal development, self-growth, self-exploration, you got to the point, I'll let you speak to it, but at least on a paraphrase, where you realized that some of the circle that you had associated with was no longer serving where you wanted to go. Correct. Walk through what that's really like, because I don't think it's appropriate for me to say, put words in your mouth. Like you had to conquer that yourself. I was a support system, but now all of a sudden our conversation gets spun around the other way where I'm not the one in the driver's seat of this part of the conversation. Yeah. So, I mean, I feel like it comes a point in life where if you are truly expanding as a human being, there are going to be people along the way that fall off your path, right? Because not everybody is going to walk the same path that you're walking and that's okay. But the painful part of growth sometimes is what brings the biggest joy on the backside, which is, you know, you're walking along the path with these people that you love, but all of a sudden everybody's looking at you funny because you're doing something different. You're doing something more. And there's always that old saying that, you know, you're never going to hear criticism from people that are doing better than you. And there was just a lot of things in my life with people I associated with, some of my very close friends that didn't line up with who I wanted to be or where I wanted to go, right? Their choices are not choices that I would make personally. Things that were said were not things that I would say personally. And that is a choice that they were making and that is okay for them, but it wasn't okay for me. And so I decided to separate myself from those people and continue along my own path of growth. And there were friends that have been wonderful and true joys in my life and have stayed with me through those things and things, people that I had to let go of and just say, you know, I love you for who you are, but who you are doesn't line up with who I am. And that's okay. But we have to have to part ways because these things I can no longer accept in my life.

I am never going to buckle. (16:49)

Yeah. And I was super proud of you for being able to do that, right? I know how difficult that is as someone that has had friends for seasons of my life, not a whole lot that have been in it for the long haul. Some of that based off my poor decisions and having to push people on. Some of it based off of lack of alignment going forward. But to see you stand up for what you believe in in spite of losing two-thirds of what I would call a social circle, if not even more, like five- even more like, yeah, a lot of people. Yeah. A lot of people fell off and that's okay. Like I still love them all to pieces. Um, and you know, they are exactly who they are and I'm never going to try to change somebody, but I definitely will put myself first and my values first and my family first. And if those things don't line up with who I'm associating with, then it's going to stunt who I am as a person. And that's just not what I'm willing to do at this point in my life. Yeah. I love that about you. And I love the fact of supporting me through entrepreneurial endeavors. I have to laugh because that has been probably one of the hardest things for me to adjust to. I mean, on top of everything else. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't hard for her to adjust to the infidelity, to the steroids, to the being broke. What was the most difficult part, oddly enough, was the entrepreneurial endeavors. Well, let's look at it this way. If you've not been a part of an entrepreneur's life, which I hadn't been, right? My parents are not entrepreneurs. I had never dated an entrepreneur. I wasn't previously married to an entrepreneur. I was very stuck in the system of, look, you're going to go to school. You're going to go to college. You're going to get out of college. You're going to get a job. You're going to find a profession. And you're going to go work for the man from 9 to 5 for 40 years of your life and take home 40% of your paycheck and, you know, have a nice day. And so adjusting to that where there's no consistent stream of income, where there's no planning going, OK, you know, I get paid every other Friday. Like, this is what we're going to do. Here's how we're going to budget. I get paid every other Friday. Like this is what we're going to do. Here's how we're going to budget. You know, there's just these ebbs and flows of, of money and jobs and busyness. And it's just like, holy cow, adjusting to that and how we adjust our dynamics as a family, our budget as a family has been a huge, just mind blown for me. But five years in now, I'm used to it. I like it. I can never imagine going back and working for somebody ever again. Well, that's what it came down to for me. Once I got a taste of being able to be, I'll call it somewhat self-employed, right? Owning, being partners in a web hosting company and how that looked and having some financial stability and success on the backside of that exit, I could never see going back and truly working for somebody else. There was a point two years ago, almost right now, when I was being courted to go be like a full-time or at least interim chief operational officer for a company out of California. And like the biggest overcome, the money was great. The ideas were great. The status would have been great. Even we had worked out the travel back and forth. Like I love Southern California, that Irvine, Orange County area. Yes. It was more the fact that I couldn't see having to have to answer to somebody. It's crazy that I have to honestly say out loud I've been accustomed so much to working for myself for my own gain and benefit and then my family associated with that. I just couldn't go back to it. And the opportunity itself ended up kind of petering out and they repositioned, right? I didn't turn down some multi-million dollar offer. It didn't align for everybody involved by the time we got close to the finish line. But it was back and forth over the course of two and a half or three months of working on all the variables. And you supported me incredibly well through that and the ongoing travel and really the personal development side of things. And that's been one of the most enjoyable things for me to watch, especially as we get into our big announcement, is the way that you've supported me spending countless hours, tens of hundreds of thousands of dollars, all types of crazy stuff to better myself as a person, as a man, husband, father, provider, leader, right? Like I went all the way in. And then from that though, so have you.

Do one thing how you do everything (21:06)

Correct. Because I mean, you say this all the time, how you do one thing is how you do everything. And when you watch your partner pick something that they're passionate about, start to learn and get involved with those things.

Life is the best for you (21:24)

And obviously, I'm going to support you no matter what you do because I love you and you're my husband, right? That's part of my title as your wife. Just call me Walter then. And I don't mean it in some like, you know, yes, master kind of way. I mean it as, you know, I want, I want you to be the happiest, most fulfilled version of yourself that you could possibly be for you. Because then in turn, that means you're the best version for us, for Gianna and I at home. So I'm always going to support you in those things. And I've also smacked you in the mouth a couple of times when it's just like, hey, this is not, this is not right. This is not okay. I'm not on board with this, whatever it might be. But you cannot watch somebody in your life grow and expand and do that and just sit and just be like, oh, good for you, honey. Bye. Yeah. Okay. That sounds good. I mean, you were just constantly popping out of the office when you were reading a new book going, oh my gosh, check this out.

Getting out of the office (22:17)

Look at this. How about that? And when you start to see somebody, you're like, well, wait a minute. Like there's, there's clearly something else that I'm missing here. There's a, there's another piece of, of the life pie that I had not uncovered yet.

More about the family dynamic (22:32)

And when you started down that path, I'm like, I got this. There's no way I'm going to sit here and just sit on my thumbs while you're going and expanding because then what I'm going to sit here and just sit on my thumbs while you're going and expanding because then what? I'm going to just watch you do it by yourself. Hell no, I got this too. So then it's like, you know, we're going to pick up the same books. We're going to do the same things and start to discover a new part of life that is amazing. Yes, and I think it's important to put a little asterisk next to that.

Kevin made the mistake (23:02)

Nowhere on this journey did I create guilt or shame in Lindsay or imply that she had to go or should go down the same path. I literally said, it sounds like a big ask, but I'm going to do X, Y, and Z, and I'm going to spend X numbers of thousands of dollars doing all this stuff. Do you kind of trust in the fact at this point with what I produce and where I'm going that, like, I need this? And the first time, like, she was a little like, no, I don't see it. It doesn't make sense. Like, not no. And so, admitted was a little like, no, I don't see it. It doesn't make sense. Like, not no. And so admittedly, with being told no, I was butthurt. I was not comfortable. We didn't argue about it. I just took it. Like, okay, fine. Then I came back eventually a few months later for round two. And she's like, if you think you need to do this stuff, like, you should really start working on it. And so I really started working and spending gobs of money and time and all types of things. And it really took, and I get it, right? Especially, I'm going to speak to you men specifically. Because I had been so hot to trot with so many other opportunities before in my life, especially being an entrepreneur or someone that's just, you know, I couldn't just say attention deficit based, but. I was just going to say this, so I'm glad you're saying it. Yeah. It's more shiny object syndrome, I couldn't just say attention deficit based. I was just going to say this, so I'm glad you're saying it. Yeah, it's more shiny object syndrome, right? There's something new. I want to chase it. There's an opportunity to make a bunch of money. I'm going to go over it that way. I didn't know what purpose was. I didn't understand my soul's desires. I didn't understand all these things. So I was chasing external fulfillment from something I could only find internally. I didn't even know where to look internally. A whole other rabbit hole for a whole other conversation. Right. internally hold another rabbit hole for a whole other conversation right but here all of a sudden we get to a point where i'm working on myself i'm spending money on myself i'm spending time on myself it's going on for long enough that i haven't retreated back to the old version that's what it was oh gosh that's what it was right it's it's like there's just especially from being together for so long and seeing the ups and downs you get to week or month five month six month seven and not only have the original items that i've learned become consistent but there's now like seven eight ten twelve more layers right that we say expansion but there's just this different levels of ascension that i'm rising to different people i'm having access to different things i'm actually doing and i no longer am talking about, I'm just taking action. Then all of a sudden, it's like this loop gets created between her and I. She's like, well, share with me a little bit more about this. Why? How? Right. When it wasn't going to be the latest fad, when I realized that this map, this plan that you were following was truly going to be something that you were fulfilled by and going to stick to for you personally, but then also seeing the changes that it was making in you and with us as a couple, there was just too much curiosity peaked on my side to just sit back and be like, okay, because I knew at that point it wasn't going to be just another thing, right? It just wasn't going to be something that you're like, I'm going to buy a boxing bag and hang it in the basement and fill it with 40 gallons of water and let it hang there. It wasn't going to be that thing. I admittedly can say this. I hate you for that because I have boxed at least four times a week somewhere else in the world. I've just chosen not to do it in the basement. I've got to take our boxing bag, punching bag, our heavy bag out of the basement. I've got to take it to the gym so I'll use it every day. Right, but that's the perfect example of the entrepreneurial mindset and how you work. You discovered boxing. You loved it. I'm instantly going to step in the ring and I have to go right now and buy all the latest best equipment and put it in our house. And you did. And I'm thinking, oh God, it's going to be one of those things. Here we go. And you used it a couple of times and then you found Kevin and you've just been boxing at a gym forever. Yes. And I will say with the way that we installed our heavy bag, because I drilled it into the subframe of our house because I didn't want it to fall down. I neglected to think that I needed to put some sort of sound deadening grommets and vibration protection across the cross beam, the joist. And so what happens is every time I hit the bag, it literally shakes every aspect of our house. Now, we live in a fairly decent-sized house. It's not a shanty by any means. And the whole damn thing shakes. Every floor, every room. The TV vibrates even because it's right above the family room. But, you know, we digress. I share all that because I'm protecting myself here and I'm trying to justify my own position. I own it completely. I never home alone. Right. Like when is the time that I can hit a heavy bag and work for 35 or 40 minutes while I can shake the whole house when nobody else is there? Especially as the coaching business and I've sold off other businesses and like coaching is 100 percent of what I'll do forever. Yes. Right. I've sold off other businesses. Coaching is 100% of what I'll do forever. Yes. And I've certainly taken funds that I've earned from coaching and I've invested in other businesses and I've sold pieces and parts. But this is my thing. And it's not a flash in the pan thing. This is something that's now two, two and a half years building plus a very successful practice, plus, plus, plus. And I bring all that up because it's time for the announcement. Plus, plus, plus. And I bring all that up because it's time for the announcement. And the announcement ends up being that from all the emails that Lindsay and I have received and all the positive feedback that we've received, we have decided for the first time to open up a couples coaching. Yes. With coaching potentially for you and your partner. I admittedly don't care if it's male, male, female, female, male, female. I don't care how the pieces and parts go. A couple is a couple. A couple is a couple to us. But realizing the fact that what we've been through and how we have structured our lives is something that has benefit to more people than just her and I. Yeah. I mean, I love to answer emails and messages and give as much feedback as I can. But that doesn't, it's a surface level band-aid for people, right? You have to really dive into what the issues are, open and dynamic communication and stress management within a relationship and a marriage and expectations and sex and all of it. I mean, there's so many things that go into what the core of a relationship is and how you build around that. Getting over past infidelities, having to get over your partner's previous relationship, right, there's a lot of junk that people bring into new relationships that they haven't dealt with yet and they don't even realize it. But just these things that stack up until the, you know, teeter tower falls so that you can have a foundation that's not built on sand. Well, yes. And unlike other relationship coaching or counseling that I've heard of, or maybe even been to before, gosh, I think there was, I don't know. I went to more of a therapist with a past ex, whatever. This is not something that is designed to have four of us sit in a conversation and talk about feelings. What I know with 100% certainty is I can help with the help of my wife, take you no matter how close you are to the brink of divorce, no matter what's going on in your life, no matter what you've been through, I'm 100% positive I can take you from where you're at and get you down the path of where you want to arrive to. But that starts by working on yourself. And so the 10-week training that we've created together, the 10-week intensive things that we're going to do together ends up being five weeks of the woman speaking to Lindsay specifically, five weeks of the man speaking to me specifically. Five weeks of the man speaking to me specifically.

Coaching Program And Relationship Lessons

Our Group Coaching Program (30:03)

Daily videos that are catered around relationships as well as catered around the way our minds work. That then build into the final five weeks being a hybrid of one-on-one calls and then group calls. Right. Because there's pieces and parts that in counseling there's this crazy story that goes around that thinks that one person can sit across from two other people and you can somehow get through what's going on. Well, I think that counseling is more when you're trying to, and this is just my opinion, when you're trying to truly heal from something, right? A personal trauma, a past trauma, something that is either group-based or individual. Coaching to me is more when you are are set on a goal to get results yeah and it's not you know it just whether your goal is i want better communication i want better sex i want a better overall family life i want a better dynamic i want more date night just something that there is a track to get to those results that you want that doesn't involve you sitting across and sharing your feelings and potentially creating more of an issue than needs to be. Well, and I get the very distinct honor from all the clients that I've had that I am graduating a current group of clients as we speak. And I've had some crazy, crazy, crazy success with the most recent group of graduates. I'm so excited for them all. And as I'm getting close to some of the final conversations, some are bringing their spouses onto the call. And I coach men and women, right? There's no difference to me. But there's one particular situation in our call this week. I coach a husband and he brings his wife in. And the wife's body language is looking down. She's not looking straight at the camera. And my client has been a client for a long time. That's how he started, right? It was that same way. Really not owning his space, not taking ownership of who he is. And so all of a sudden, I guess I'm sitting here looking at this dynamic. You have the wife on, as I'm viewing the screen on the left-hand side, and you have the husband on the right-hand side of the screen. And the husband's standing tall and erect. He's making eye contact. He's not jittery. He speaks with clarity and focus and poise and passion. Then on the left-hand side, as I'm looking at the screen, you have the wife that certainly speaks when she's spoken to. And she's very articulate and intelligent. She's an incredible woman. But as I'm looking at the dynamics of what's going on, the husband has now grown to a new level. And the wife is like, well, I want what this guy has now. And that came out of the conversation, right? I've decided to work with this woman as well. That's been an incredible blessing for me. And that's a one-on-one type of deal. But what I'm noticing is this dynamic evolved right in front of my eyes with these two people. You have a husband that's been telling me, I'm taking her on date nights. I'm doing these things. And then we get to the next week her on date nights. I'm doing these things. And then we get to the next week. We check in. I ask how they went, like some really quick things we cover in our calls. It's like, oh, these things came up and it didn't happen. I'm like, well, how's your wife feel about that? Oh, she's all right. And it's dead serious, right? He's not lying about that. That's his perception of the reality that exists. Right. But in the safety of now her, him, and I being together and being able to have conversations openly, I address her and I say together and being able to have conversations openly, I address her and I say, for an ideal date, what do you want? She goes, I'm simple. I don't really care. I just want to know that I'm important. I want to feel that he thinks about me enough to plan something out. It doesn't have to be something grandiose. I just, I don't care if we go to a movie. It's the effort. I just want to spend time. And that's how most women think. Of course. And so now all of a sudden I'm seeing the impact that just this conversation is being had. And all this is transpiring real time with the fact of Lindsay and I had already been speaking for four, five, six months, not months, weeks about a co-coaching type of program. And then that happens. And I believe in not only intuition, voice, God, universe, spiritual realm, but also signs that the universe is putting in front of me. And so that happens when I come home and I say to Lindsay, like, it's time. It's time to launch it. And then I get a message yesterday that I aired. Now it sounds like this whole show is just a pitching show. But I get this message that it's time to have a small group intensive retreat here for six men and six women. That does not mean you have to be married. That does not mean you have to be a couple. Individuals. You can be individuals or if you're a husband or wife, you want to come.

Why Lindsays Men Marry Just For That (34:10)

It doesn't matter. Where Lindsay will help guide the women through pieces and parts. I will also help guide the women. Lindsay will not be helping guide the men. I'll be guiding the men all the way through. But it's not a thing in which everybody's thrown into a melting pot, right? I know the way that psychology, especially from the reps I've had of a man versus a woman, is slightly different, the way your egos and psyches work. But we've got this entire thing planned out. And it comes to me through meditation, through everything that I do every day. It's like screaming at me yesterday. So I launch it. And then here we are today discussing, you know, it's time to finally start doing relationship and couples coaching. It's time to share what we have. Right. We've been through things. Oh, so many things. Right. But if we're on, like I don't say if we're honest, being honest. Other than the fact of I get frustrated about the horse.

Fruitful lessons about the frequency of your partner (35:01)

Yeah. Right. Like I just own that. The horse is an expense that I've now ridden the horse. Right. I got to do that. Oh, yeah. Which is crazy. He rode the horse. Yeah. Right. Like I just own that. The horse is an expense that I've now ridden the horse. Right. I got to do that. Oh, yeah. Which is crazy. He rode the horse. It's official. I'll put that aside. I mean, I rode the thing. It's one of those things of the amount of money the horse costs. I would rather not happen right now. That's it. And I bring that up only because that's the only thing if we talk about even discussions that her and I have, like things where we have to have that little tiny momentary and if you're listening you know what this is where there's that your frequencies your vibrations with your partners the energy you're you're pushing out to one another where it doesn't feel an alignment where there's a little bit of like like but then we talk about it it goes away right like but we talk about it and so this is not a thing of we're not going to sit down and recite the five love languages to you. Sure, there's some benefit in reading that if you haven't read it before. And there's some piece and parts like we didn't read it. We listened to it. We listened to it. Yeah. And it is beneficial for sure. Yeah. Understanding what your type of love language is like Lindsay likes to be touched. But she knew that prior to ever reading the book. Yeah. But the work comes from doing work on yourself first and being selfish, especially for those first five weeks. And then you can come together and work on things together. Because I said it earlier in the podcast, when you are the best version and happiest and most fulfilled version of yourself, then you project that to your partner. And then that is something that they want to come home to and they want to spend time with because you are happy and fulfilled in yourself. You're not looking for somebody else to do that for you. Yes, absolutely. And I can bring on 10, 20, 30, 40 clients that would share the same thing as it pertains to their relationship. Like one partner saw value and jumped in. The other partner was not either quite ready or didn't see the value in me. Again, I don't care how that happens. And all of a sudden, the partner that's kind of re-energized and re-centered and refocused on themselves is now this like beam of light that everybody's attracted to or drawn to, not necessarily physically attracted. And it's like the partner's like, I want in on that. Right. And so what happens is when two people focus on it side by side, the amount of light, positivity, focus, creation you're able to show the world and show yourself is exponentially greater. Right. You have your best friend in theory. That's the other thing, too. There's a good chance as you're listening to this, you might be one of the couples out there that is just unhappy. You're married. The spark's gone. Like that's how I have another client that we started out. Just like the spark's gone. I'm not really sure about where I'm going here Don't know if I'm gonna stay in the marriage really really shaky our intimacy is not where I want it to be That same client as we're having conversations last week. It's like The intimacy that she's experiencing is multiple times a day. Mm-hmm. She knows exactly where she wants to be she's exactly locked and loaded and centered and this this happens over just a 10-week period where all these old stories of like, I need something else externally, like we get it. We get it from the man and woman side. We've been there. We have been. And although we've been there in multiple relationships over a multitude of years and of our lives, that coupled with all the money we've spent on personal development, coaching, training, coupled with the reps and time under tension, I'm just excited to help you live the best life possible. Hence the term, as you might have seen it on some of these other live broadcast shows, everything I have is a life optimization group because I truly believe in living an optimized life. And when I say optimized life, it's not a one-dimensional reality. I do believe in what Garrett J. White brought up, which brought into my sphere of influence, which is the four-dimensional reality of body being balance and business. I believe that things fit in there. And I believe that goal setting comes into a 12-tier process. It's something more based off a life book methodology. Like I'm not afraid to share all this stuff. When it comes to relationships, I lean heavily into Dr. Shefali and how all those pieces and parts of being a parent and being the best partner to your partner, how that all works and showing up and communication styles. All these things need passed forward. Absolutely. I don't want to keep them. And that all sits in that life optimization group where we have the life optimization test where you're able to test. So to start with, with Lindsay and I were able to sit down and take a look really independently on how you score on a test, like just factual, like your partner, a things this way and partner B thinks this way. Well, no shit. You guys don't get along anymore. Like it's in black and white that your brains are working differently. Yeah. And we did that with our tests, right? We, we took the test together and figured out where it was that, you know, we don't think the same way and no two people are going to think the same way. It's just being aware of that and how you change the dynamics of what goes on so that you can mesh together instead of repel each other.

A few things that we want you to be aware of in the first few weeks/practices. (39:34)

Yeah. This is actual science-based, evidence-based training where you take an assessment and you get to see your assessment with your partner at a certain point to realize, like, week one, you're not going to see each other's assessment. You're going to keep it separate. By week five, we're going to start seeing each other's assessments and putting them side by side as we go down the training path together. Because you're going to change as a person in five weeks. Like, day one assessment is pointless other than to compare versus yourself. Correct. And so you start to realize really why, like Lindsay and I did, where certain things of the way that she thinks versus certain things the way that I think, it's not that they're not in alignment. It's just they're different. Right. And so those are the points typically if you think about the last five arguments you've had in your relationship. You've probably felt the same. It's been almost about the same genre of things. There's been things. I bet the test probably shows that to you. Oh, for sure. But you take that and like this optimization is not just, okay, we're going to coach you on how to feel. Like this is. It's not touchy-feely. No, but it is also at the same time it is touchy-feely. Yeah, but I mean there's a good dynamic. You have to be a little tough too because things are going to get super real and very raw, and you're going to have to dive a little deep to figure out what it is that's going on. Certainly, and with that deep dive, we're going to create the fact of wanting to feel attractive.

Life Opt. (40:55)

Not that you are attracted to your partner. Attraction comes from inside, so we have to work on getting back to our own spaces, both men and women. It's so important for women. I mean, even at the gym this morning, there was body shaming in the locker room, which is insane to me. Like women pick three things that you like about your body, three things and, and write those down and then pick three things that maybe you don't love about your body, but learn to accept them. And then learn how to change them if you want. Nipples. Nipples. Geez. No, I love my nipples. It has nothing to do with you. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. To make this a little bit lighter. But we go from pieces of that part. We create space and time for ourselves. Right? So often in relationships we think, okay, we get off work. We've got to rush home to the family both men and women right this women have to produce inside the household and men I think typically produce outside the household gender roles however you want to bastardize me for that I'm fine with that but there comes a point where men you get to get home at 530 and the women get to go leave mm-hmm and they get to have their own date night by themselves yep they get to focus on what's important to them. So important for moms, especially. Yeah, and you're like, well, I work all day. Guess what? I can guarantee you, so does she. Keeping that house clean is not easy. Making that food is not easy. Shopping is not easy. Cleaning up after your dumb ass is not easy. Taking care of all the children is not easy. Yeah, there's these pieces and parts. And I don't want to give away the whole curriculum and how it works, but there's been a lot of thought process that's been put into this to figure out really how to take couples and take them into different places. Get them back to the point of after a 10-week cycle that it feels like you felt when you first were dating. Right. Because if you felt that once before, there's actually an easy way to tap in your brain and get you to feel it again, like truly feel it again. Like have that be the operating procedure for every day pretty much after. And certainly, Lindsay and I have those days. We have those days where we don't wake up on fire, like, you know, make passionate love to each other and there's rainbows coming out of the sky. Like, that's not every day of our lives. Right. But that's not realistic. No, but it's certainly more days than not. Yes. And the bad days don't exist. No, we don't ever have really any bad days, but what we do have is days where one of us will say to the other one, your energy is a little off today. Is there something that I can help you with or something that we need to talk about? And it's either, it's a yes or no question. It is a black and white thing. And if there's something going on with the other person between us or something else externally, we talk about it and move on. We do. So if any of this, after this long dissertation, a little bit of clickbait getting you to listen all the way through. Surprise, we're not having a baby. We are not having a baby. We are going to help you though. If you want to have babies, we can get you lined up so you're more likely to have babies yourself. If you want more action or information on this, you can literally email Ryan or Lindsay. We both have Ryan at lifeoptimizationgroup.com or Lindsay at lifeoptimizationgroup.com. And I'm an A-Y, people. I'm an L-I-N-D-S-A-Y. That's a very good point. And if you can't spell lifeoptimization, I get it. I, too, have had to misspell it a bunch of times. Just check your receipt folder. If it bounces back at me, do you spell it wrong? Because I've been there before as well. I share that because I know this helps us impact the 125 million people's lives. And I sincerely look forward to meeting you, chatting with you, and being able to look at the graduation of people that are where we at one point were and get them to where we get to be at now. I'm so excited for this. I know you should be. Yeah. I mean, we've been talking about it for a while. So now that it's actually like out there and the announcement is official now, I'm super excited. Get to give back like all these gifts that, and that's part of my training methodology as well. I'll say our training methodology is learn, live, lead.

Lead. (44:45)

And so as you potentially go down this path, we will encourage you all throughout it to find other couples and share what you know.


Correct. (44:52)

Because if you can't teach it, you don't know it. And if you don't know it, you can't live it. And if you're not going to live it, then you shouldn't come see us. Because this is not a thing, yes, there is money involved. I also better put that asterisk out there. This is not a complimentary service by any means. But if you don't have skin in the game and you're not able to teach it and share it and live it with the people around you, then it's okay. It's just not your time. And that's fine. We will meet people where they are at. Correct. And that's fine. We will meet people where they are at. Correct. And once you, as you're listening, reach out and want to make an impact and a change in your life, and you follow through with what we have done, I can assure you that every day after that you will... Get shit done. Get shit done. you

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