Episode 287 - Ryan & Lyndsay - OPO | Why Only Your Opinion Matters | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 287 - Ryan & Lyndsay - OPO | Why Only Your Opinion Matters".

1970-01-01T01:00:37.000Z

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Introduction

Intro (00:00)

This is 15 minutes of freedom. I'm your host Ryan Nidell and today's episode is with my wife Lindsay. Say hello. Hello. And I apologize for my voice. I have a terrible cold that knocked me out the whole weekend. So now I sound like a Muppet. You are a Muppet. She's got this woven winter hat on. She's got big oversized blue blocking glasses on. Yeah. A gray fleece hoodie thing. I mean, I'm looking my sexiest right now. Don't you agree? A hundred percent. Absolutely. No, I'm freezing, right? This is the first day I haven't, I don't think I've had a fever today so far. I'm just cold. Well, I mean, it's perfect because today we're going to talk about OPP.


Discussion On Relationships And Decision Making

We get OLD af (01:04)

OPP. it's not opp he was all excited because he was like we're going to call this opp and i'm like babe it doesn't doesn't really work that way it's actually opo if you want to do it like that there's a chance as you're listening you might have to pause this episode based off of age number of revolutions around the sun and google like. Google and OPP. In iTunes, just type in OPP. It's by this really obscure group now called Naughty by Nature. Download that. Take a listen to it. Then it'll be more of a reference point. But if not, I fully expect you to be rocking out right now. Like, you should be rapping in your head OPP. Because it was just, we all knew it. Yeah, you know me. I forgot that we are old enough now where we have to tell people to Google that if they don't know. Yeah. Oh, shit. It's all right. We're old. My birthday is Sunday. And how old are you going to be? 37. Man. I think I like older women. Oh, yeah, because I'm so much older than you. I'm 34. You will be 35 in like four weeks. That's not. Less than that. We are almost exactly two years apart. I'm two years older than you. And that's doing very well considering your history. What does that mean? Like your affinity for old chicks previously. There was one. Always with this. Always with the rib shots. That's the only one that affected me. Always with the low blow rib shots four and a half years later. Always with this. Always with the rib shots. That's the only one that affected me. Always with the low blow rib shots four and a half years later. That's right. Which is beautiful because it's a perfect segue into other people's opinions. There it is. I do not give a shit what you say, Lindsay. I do not care. That is what we're talking about today.


Other Peoples Opinions (02:38)

Other people's opinions O-P-O, not O-P-P. That's true. And that's all stemmed from my lovely wife, Lindsay, has become much more active on social media, and she posted a message, however you want to say it, a post sometime late last week that sparked even thought processes to trigger inside of my brain, which are admittedly not common, right? Lindsay and I spend so much time together and share so much that when she posts, I typically have an idea of where it's coming from or why it exists or it's not so much out of left field. But this, you know, I'm scrolling through my feed in between clients and I see this post from you and what does it say? So it was actually a conversation that I had with my mother that sparked this about she, my mother is very wonderful and she always means well, but she comes across sometimes as a little judgmental, which she and I have talked about a lot. Only because when she doesn't understand something, she asks a lot of questions, which I do as well, right? That's my nature. But she had asked me why we were posting things that were inspirational. Why are you posting all this inspirational stuff? I don't, I don't understand what you're doing. Like, you're, you're a medical person. This doesn't make any sense. Like you belong in a hospital, you should go to back to vet school, you should go to nursing school, you should do something in the medical field, like that's your gift. And while I agree with her to some point, like, yes, I was, I was very good at what I did for a very long time. And I really loved that. It just wasn't where my passion was going to be long-term, right? It was super burned out and potassium, Jesus, compassion fatigue is real. I was burnt. Um, and so I had talked to a friend that day about something else. They, you know, their girlfriend had an opinion of what their hair color was. And, you know, I don't understand why you did that. There's a lot of these things that got me thinking later that evening and then into the morning when I posted about what it is that other people's opinions of you or the things you're doing in your life, what is it that it's, or how is it that it's affecting you, right? What is it that is coming into your space and sitting with you that leads you to change the things that you're doing? And I posted on an example about, you know, you're a kid that's freshly starting college, and you declare a major of physical education, right? You want to be a gym teacher. You want to help, you know, move kids in the right direction and teaching them how to move their bodies and stay physically healthy and active. And you're really excited about it. That's where you feel your passion is. And then your parents come at you and say, you know, I, that's not a really a good career path to make money or sustain yourself or support a family or it's not a really respectable career, whatever it is they might say. And then that same kid looks at him or herself internally and says, you know, I maybe should think about doing something else. You know, maybe they're right and declares a different major that's maybe not their passion. something else, you know, maybe they're right and declares a different major that's maybe not their passion. Or a friend mentions that, you know, they are going out drinking and you say, I've cut back on drinking or I've cut out drinking. I'm really trying to watch my body goals and take care of myself better. I'm trying to hit the gym at least three days a week and I'm not going to go out tonight. And your friends look at you cross-eyed and a little silly and then you feel bad about that or you change your goals or your decisions based on how their opinion of you affected you and you let that win and you forget your goals and you go to happy hour. Those kind of things and those small things that people say throughout the day, you don't realize how much you take in and it sits with you and then it affects and changes your actions. I think everybody's guilty of that. I know I certainly have been for years and it's something that I'm more aware of and now am able to process and say, you know, I'm going to stick to me. Because when you start to alter your decisions based on somebody else's opinion, you're seeking their approval. And the bottom line is you don't need other people's approval for what you want to do with your life. You need to have that inner peace and approval for yourself.


Serioure Henlow (06:50)

So what do you think was the catalyst? Like how did you arrive at that yourself? A lot of things really. I think it started when I decided to leave my first husband. You know, I had been wrestling with that back and forth for a very long time, how much more of the same pattern was I going to accept? How much more of the same unhappiness was I going to accept? And how many more of the same conversations could I had with him that we're going to continue to end up in the same situation? Like nothing was changing. It wasn't getting me anywhere. And no matter what I said or what I did or how I tried to fix things, relationships and marriage is a two-way street. And so I decided at that point that something was going to have to change for me. that something was going to have to change for me. And as I started to speak those things out loud to the people closest to me in my life, they had a lot of opinions about why they thought that was a foolish choice. I have a child. I had stability. I had just built a new house. I had just moved my family from Florida back to Columbus. We had been married for almost 10 years. We had been together for almost 15. Like, you don't just throw that away. And, you know, just other people's opinion that had no idea what it was like to be in my shoes and live inside of my life and my what was my own personal hell. So that was a catalyst for the change of thinking. led me to just say for myself, like, I know you may not agree with this. I know that like an Italian Catholic family divorce should not be an option. But guess what? Like, that's not who I am. And I need to do something different for me because I only get this one life. And so I started to change my viewpoints on how other people's opinions would affect me. Okay. I mean, was there something more recently that was five plus years ago? Well, I think that that initial part started, it's kind of the chain reaction to all the things that have led up to myself, how I currently am at this moment. Right. Because after I had filed for divorce and I met you and all this stuff started happening. Then when it came out with my friends that you were cheating on me within the first six months that we were together, then it was like, you should leave him. He's a piece of shit. I was cheating on you? No, that's not me. He's terrible, he's built up all this story about the kind of person he is, and you've fallen in love with a shell of a person around a broken person, just all this shit. And I was the only one who was in my shoes and knew what you and I were going through as a couple. And so, again, I had to just stay my own path and say, nope, sorry. Like, I know what's best for me. I understand that you may not get these choices. I'm going to keep walking my path here. I want to divert for just a second. You still, to this day, once a week, it seems like, get somebody that messages you about infidelity and what that looks like. Maybe casting dispersions on me. I don't know.


Your Decision to Stay In The Relationship & More (10:15)

That's not really the relevancy. Right? But I think it's important to stop for a second and address that little window. Right? I know we've discussed it before. We've spoken about it before, but what were you going through? Like, how did that work? And how did it continue to work? Like, how, how were you able to stay with me? Right. Cause let's look at it. Your friends did not like me, justifiably so for the way that they viewed you. Although I'll openly say this, those that are throwing stones were living in glass houses themselves, many of them. Right, right. Your family wanted you to stay with your ex-husband. At that point, you guys were not officially divorced. You could have certainly done a 360 about or 180 about face on back. Everything would have been put back in place. Like what made sense and how did you slowly come to the determination that you came to, to allow me to stay in your life? Um, you know, that's been so many years ago now. I don't really know if I know the specific answer to that. However, I did know and I mean, I've said this before that obviously I loved you, but I didn't really care that I loved you. I mean, it was not you can have a lot of things in a relationship. Love is great, but you need so many other things to keep a relationship or a marriage or anything going, right? It's not just about love. So I loved you, of course, but it wasn't enough. I loved myself more, but I loved you enough at that point to look at you and say, like, you're better than this. I don't understand where this is coming from. And I realized given the fact that this was a history for you. And given the fact that the person that you were cheating on me with, you had also cheated on her like it wasn't about me, it was about you. And so I knew that I didn't need to fix anything for you. I didn't need to force you to stay. I didn't need to beg you to change. I didn't need to try to make you do something you didn't want to do. I needed to be supportive enough as a person that loved you to look at you and say, I understand that your bullshit is not my bullshit. But know that you are a better human being than the way that you're acting. And so I knew that once I said that to you, that you were going to do with it what you wanted, but I was perfectly okay. If you would have walked out and said, you know what, I just want to go date a million women at once. That's just who I'm going to be. Okay. Because I knew that if you walked out, I could move on with my life just fine I would have been okay I would have found someone else I would have eventually gotten married I like everything would have been fine but that was because I was at peace within myself I stayed because I had a different level of connection with you than I had had to any other person and that I knew that the reasons that you were acting the way that you were was because something was broken inside of you that you were capable of fixing. That it didn't have to be for me. It wasn't about me. It was about whatever it is that was going on inside of you that you needed to address. And when I saw you get it, like I could see you click and saw you go through all the struggles in the months to come about unworking that process and then reworking who it is that you wanted to be and finding that person within yourself. It made me fall in love with you that much more because I was then able to outwardly show the world that yes, this is the man that I have seen the whole time and look, like, do you not get it? You didn't have to understand it. You didn't have to listen to me. You didn't have to agree, but this is why. And look at the man that you are.


Awareness Needed (14:22)

And I appreciate that. This is oddly enough is not patting my ego. It's a curiosity because there's still people that don't understand, right? That think all this is a farce. And I don't, again, this all goes to not caring me personally. It's just with the number of people that you have come across you and your page that asked the question for me, it's like, how did you know our connection was different? Right. I think a lot of women just like they they they feel like they have to fix something. Like it's it's a majority of women, almost all women that reach out to me and say, you know, how did you say my boyfriend cheats on me or my husband cheats on me or whatever? But like it wasn't I knew that something wasn't broken within you and I. And I think that when couples step out, it's usually because something is broken within that relationship. That's probably the number one reason, right? They're lacking something. Did you have that awareness as it was going on or is that something that's been post? No, I did not have that kind of awareness as going on. I did have the awareness that I was good enough to just be me and that your reasons for stepping out had nothing to do with who I was because I am a strong enough person. I've always been to know that I can stand on my own two feet. I can take care of myself and I don't need somebody else to validate who I am. Those things have always been there for me, but the realization that there's a, there's a reason, a brokenness inside of a marriage when somebody steps out or a relationship, that's usually the number one thing. But I feel like the number two thing is that there's something within that person that they are not recognizing themselves, either that they're lacking as a need, that they're not getting fulfilled by their partner, or that they're not getting fulfilled within themselves. And so they look for getting fulfilled within themselves. And so they look for external validation somewhere else. And it just takes a massive amount of self-awareness to fix something like that. And when women contact me, it's, what can I do? We're not going to do anything. You're not the problem.


Recognize the Difference (16:20)

There's something within him that's either not gelling with who you are, and that might be the brokenness, right? You either recognize that there's an issue there and you can fix it together, or if you're both not on the same page, it's okay. Just go your separate ways. But you have to have some kind of self-awareness to be able to take that step. And if they're not willing, man or woman, to have the self-awareness and fix themselves first if they're not willing, man or woman, to have the self-awareness and fix themselves first, they're not going to be a good partner for you or anyone else. It's not what this other woman has that I don't. What is she doing that I'm not? It's not about that. It's something that they're searching for within themselves to feel validated that they either haven't identified or haven't vocalized to you. Okay. Just okay? I mean, you're the one that stepped out. What did you think when you were doing that, right? You've talked about that before. You didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings. You felt that you weren't getting all your boxes checked, So you looked for the other, you know, couple of boxes somewhere else. Well, it's a different level of perception, perception of awareness that I have now and what reality really is versus what I would have thought it was. I mean, in my situation, I knew the woman that I was dating at that time was not the right fit. We had been through too much as a couple that didn't align the right way all the way from the inception of her and I's relationship. And so knowing in the back of my head that things weren't right versus being able to verbalize them out of a fear of being alone was so much of it. I mean, let's not kid ourselves. I, from having felt alone as a young man, having physically been alone, you know, high school into the first year of college. And then a lot of it was, you know, not having that maturity that came at a young age. So not having women in my life.


Jokers Come To The Surface (18:15)

So I started looking at all these together from my current level of reality and how I look back at it. And I was just a weakness, right? It wasn't a weakness. So that's, that's always a unique thing to me. There's this perception that as we talk about cheating, that all I was doing was physically interacting with somebody that that's just what it was. It was a physical, physical thing. That was something that was pushed so far to the back burner because it wasn't what the relationship was, right? Like, and of course course every guy in my position is going to say that, but it's, it's just truthful. It's just factual to me. And that's all goes back to other people's opinions. Like I, I have graduated to a level of self-awareness and self-acceptance for who I am and what I am and what I do to put myself in a good position mentally every day that I stopped giving a shit 288 episodes ago. If you liked what I had to say or not, or if you liked me as had to say or not. Or if you liked me as a person. Because who I am at this moment is, as I refer to it, a combination and culmination of every event I've been through up until this exact moment in time. And who I'll be tomorrow is different than who I am today. And so when I look at that man that met you, I mean the facts of that time in life were when I met you, your path wasn't defined. So I was hedging my bet. Right. Right? Just own it. It's like I didn't want to be alone. I had, I don't say this, this is a jovial statement. I don't think this way of this person I used to date. But like the devil that I knew was better than what I didn't know. Right? Because I didn't know what was coming. I didn't want to be alone. So, okay, I can cut bait. So, okay, finally I got this amazing woman. But your path was not like I'm 100% getting divorced. I'm 100% like here's how it's going. Here's what – that wasn't the truth of the matter. When we met, you weren't getting divorced.


Lindsay & Rya As Well As Materials From Lincoln Instagram (19:54)

You were separated. There were not divorce paperwork filed. There wasn't these things. These check boxes weren't in place. I'm like, all right, I got to see where this goes. And I laid it all out. 100%. Yeah. But in laying it all out, it's like, all right, I got to see where this goes. And I laid it all out. A hundred percent. Yeah. But in laying it all out, it's like, all right, I need to, in my insecurity, I didn't want to have to face being alone. Yeah. And so it's like, okay, I can just play both sides until one side presents itself. And all the way through our process, there's a certain irony of the way that the universe unfolds. Knowing as Lindsay and I went down this path that i did just want to be with her we move in together and it's like a week after we move in together that like the last layer of cards fall on this house of cards that i built right like it's yeah the final truce come out it's like okay well at that point there isn't she's not going anywhere else not that she couldn't have but like we live together. We're cohabitating. We've got a house. We've built into this relationship. And so it's interesting because I say more often than I probably should, what we are seeking is seeking us. And I was hoping to get caught by the other woman so I would not have to be the bad guy I didn't want to be a bad guy come down to a weakness right like I understand now from different testing from different work on myself like the deficiencies in what I call my operating system and how they used to exist like I hated having conflict conversations now I don't care at all right if you have something to say, say it to me directly. I'll tell you back how I feel. And if we agree that we don't like each other afterwards, that's completely fine with me.


Why Lindsays Comfortable (21:16)

Yeah. Well, a lot of people lack that, right? And a lot of people keep their own opinions to their self because they're afraid of what somebody else is going to say back to them. They're going to be judged. They're not going to be liked. It might blow up their relationship, whatever it is.


Judgment Necessary In A Relationship (21:42)

But you still have to, I encourage you to still speak your truth and recognize what it is within yourself that you want and need and are satisfied with and will accept. Because that's the only way to be a fulfilled person, enough to then have a fulfilled relationship. But like, I'm guilty of what you just said with your parents. Yeah. Like, I just don't open my mouth. Yeah. Unless I'm asked a direct question. Unless you're asked a direct question. Right. And when it comes to family matters like that, like I don't blame you. And you don't have to – there's a difference between pushing your thoughts and feelings and opinions out there versus just keeping your mouth shut because you don't want to rock a boat that doesn't need to be rocked.


And So Is In Real Life, I Asked What Are The Biggest Hot Buttons (22:20)

But when you're asked a direct question, you always answer truthfully. Yeah. Well, and so much of that is because, again, I didn't take a traditional path. Like I certainly have the intellect to go do anything that I want in the world. Like I know that I own it. I'm fine with it. I love helping people. Yeah. And my, my parents are very traditional people and don't, I mean, that was part of the, that was part of their opinion about why I shouldn't have left my ex-husband. Right. He was a medical professional and he had a very stable job and a very stable business and a very stable income and, you know, could provide anything I wanted, all that kind of like, this is their opinion. Right. And so on a flip side, then marrying an entrepreneur, not that they don't love you, they do, but they don't understand that mindset and lifestyle.


The 10 Most Asked Questions (23:10)

My parents were, you know, I'm going to get my paycheck every two weeks and here's our budget and here's what we're doing with that budget and all that stuff like stability to them was defined by things like that so as you yourself are listening to this i have a heartfelt question that's a complete diversion of where we're going right now and i would love it if you would email in to ryan and lindsey at life optimization group.com yeah it's not ryan and lindsey it's either ryan at life optimization group.com or Lindsay at LifeOptimizationGroup.com. Because somebody inevitably will put Ryan and Lindsay and then we won't get it. a specialized veterinary guy. Not down, not like I'm not degrading what he does, but it's veterinary. I look at veterinary medical as two separate sides. And you and I have had this conversation about your life with you about any of this only because like when you look at a medical doctor and a veterinary doctor, their schooling is the exact same apart from what they're studying. So a medical professional has to go to school undergraduate for four years as does a veterinary professional they then have to apply and go to four years of medical school as does a veterinary professional four years of vet school and then if you want to be a specialist just as any other medical professional mds can graduate and veterinary medical doctors can graduate and you can go practice or you can be a specialist, which then requires a year internship, a three-year residency, and then board certification and publication, both on the veterinary medical side and on the medical side. And the same is required for specialty nursing on both the veterinary side and the medical side.


Exploration Into Personal Growth And Specific Mindset

Register For Power Of Appreciation (24:50)

The only difference is one treats animals and one treats people. So I think that they are medical professionals. And I get into with that because I was in veterinary medicine. It has nothing to do with my ex-husband. Yeah. I mean, we've had this conversation just as we were coming up with what you really want to do with life, which is what sparked all this. Just two weeks ago, we sit in the office and you're like i'm torn between medical professional you know helping people in the medical profession veterinary profession whatever you want to say or helping people in the horse world i'm like well the common denominator is you want to help people so which one is it really went back and forth because by degree you have a yeah so i went to school for for biology and then i went into veterinary medicine instead of people medicine because i i and funny that we brought this up.


Being a Surgeon (25:29)

I did an externship my senior year and discovered I didn't really love to treat people as much as I love to treat animals because I also did an externship at the veterinary hospital. And it was cooler to me to figure out the puzzles to animals because they didn't, they presented how they presented and they couldn't lie to you. And I found that people tried to mask everything so that if they would have just told the truth from the, from the get go, we could have, you know, found a path and started down treatment and animals, which is now the same as coaching, right? If they just are upfront and say what it is, then, then okay, here's the hot button, let's go fix that. No different in medicine. But in veterinary medicine, the symptoms are the symptoms and they can't mask anything. Yes. But... When you left college, you got to go right into being a nurse. You did not have to go to some additional schooling to become a nurse. You had to do continuing education. Well, there's extra. So you have to be registered and then there's veterinary specialist education furthering and all that stuff. So you can get certified in critical care, internal medicine, anesthesia, and there's all these subcategories of veterinary specialty nursing that hold extra certifications. Yeah. I mean, you're, you're brilliant. Like it's and you're sorry. And your ex, your ex husband is brilliant. Like this is not a thing of intellect or knocking people down. It's, it's my, some of it is my own bias, right? Understanding that there was somebody else that married you before and wanted to make him not as seem as important. Like I'm a man, I can own that. That's why I do so much of what I do. My cold can't handle it today. Is, is to go above and beyond. I completely own that about myself, but so much of it's just a general way that I view those two professions, right? When I see a surgeon that works inside Riverside Hospital here in Columbus, I physically, like my mind thinks differently of that person than the surgeon that's working on Zeus at the animal hospital. It just, they seem like they are different calibers of people to me.


Chris mindset (27:57)

And I am sure this is alienating some of the, some of you that are listening. I, I don't even apologize because it's my mindset and I would love your feedback on what that sits like. And I'm the opposite, right? I think that, that a human surgeon and a veterinary surgeon, they're the same schooling and the same like profession. It's just one is going to cut open a dog or a horse or a cow or a cat and the other one is going to cut open a human. or cat and the other one is going to cut open a human so I mean I know that people I don't know I was going to say people maybe view dogs as less important than people but there's a lot of people out there that are having dogs instead of children now it's like life companions so I feel like it's one in the same right people get more upset when a dog dies in a movie than when people die sometimes. I don't know. You and I don't see the same way to that. And I get why, but. Yeah, it's all other people's opinions. Exactly. Right? I mean, so much of this, it just doesn't really matter. And that's what has shifted in my life over the past two and a half or three years. You go down the, I think, any path. We can call it a hero's journey. We can call it anything you want to. But you begin to, at least for me, I began to read. I began to go to personal development courses. I began to do everything that I could to better who I was. And as I had processes and procedures set in place that became mine, like I owned them. They weren't something I was doing. It was something that I became. It realigned who I was where the things that people would say to me just no longer held as much weight because I was so self-assured. It's like, you don't have to see where I'm going. You don't have to understand my plan. You don't have to understand why I'm not taking steroids. You don't understand why I'm not drinking. You don't have to understand why I'm spending all this money. You don't have to understand why I'm a coach, right? Like I get it in your perception of reality that I would have shared with you just two and a half or three years ago. I would not have understood why I'm doing what I'm doing either. Right. But you're comfortable with who you are and you're secure in that, which a lot of people lack. And it's not a bad thing. It's just a lack of knowledge on how to get there. One, it's unwiring. This is, I mean, it seems like I spin into coaching. I just can't help it. It's who I am. Like it's undoing the stories that you've told yourself for years. It's getting back to the original incidences that happened when you were young to create this story of not being enough. It's the fact of needing external validation for things that can only be found internal. Like I laughingly say I went from selling thousand to four thousand dollar custom made suits refusing to dress in anything else in a three piece like completely tailored perfectly made suit.


ChrissLogan (30:20)

This is two or three years. I would not leave the house. It didn't matter if it was the weekend. Like that was who I was. That was what defined me. Yep. And now I come to the office. Literally, I have three different blue shirts from Lululemon, two black shirts from Finish Line that are waffle shirts, a gray shirt from Old Navy, and maybe a gray shirt from Finish Line. And a couple pairs of jeans. That's it. A couple pair of Chuck Taylors. I have a bunch of tennis shoes, but I only wear a couple pair. Because it just doesn't matter anymore. No. I'm not doing it for somebody else. As long as you think I'm sexy and I show up and I present myself the right way for you. Yeah, for sure. I think you're just as hot in your Lulu tees as you are in your three-piece suit. And you prefer to see me with no clothes on anyways. For sure. Always right. That's 100% true. That's right. I actually posted about that on my Instagram today. Me being naked? Not about you being naked. I was regarding the former. About just following the path that you're on and don't focus on the past and the path that you were coming from. Because you're not going that way anymore.


Decisions made (31:38)

There's a reason it's your past. The decisions that you made, the choices that you made, the thoughts that you had, those no longer exist. They're done. They have been chosen. You cannot, because I was journaling about that this morning. Oh, you journal? I do journal. Where did you learn that from? I learned it from you, honey. Oh, man. Just in case you were curious, I am the fucking man. Oh, my God. Do you feel good about yourself right now? My chest is pounding. Your chest is puffy? Good, baby. I just brought some hair up there. I can feel it if I took off my shirt. No, but don't look back. You're not going that way. Like, how many times have you heard that? It's so true. I was journaling about that because, again, the the outside opinion of others, I'm not impenetrable all the time, they start to weigh on me, and I have to acknowledge that they're there or they get worse. And then I get them out. And then I move on, right? For me, my processes, I have to, a lot of people are like, Oh, positive Patty, and we're gonna stay motivated, and everything's gonna be fine in the sky is blue blue and like, that's great. But that's a bunch of bullshit. Because there is a whole bunch of negative stuff that come up every day. And for me personally, because I'm reactionary, if I don't look at that and say, Yep, that is a negative thought. I am aware it is there. I acknowledge its presence. I take it in. I accept it for what it is. Can change it. If I can change it, I will. If I can't, I don't. And I move on. But if I don't accept those things, and if I just say, oh, no, but the sky is blue. Okay, we're going to stay positive. Here we go. It gets worse. Because then the negative stuff just keeps piling up because it's like, hello, I'm here. Hello, I'm here. Hello, I'm here. And you can't ignore that stuff for me. You have to acknowledge it, take it in, and move it out. And it's the same thing I do with people's opinions, right? And I journaled about that this morning and then thought, you know what? The past is the past.


Women need to work for what they want. (33:34)

The choices are the choices I've made. I like where I'm at, and I have moved forward. Here we go. You can't look back. You've already been there. It didn't serve you. There's a reason you're standing here today. Let's go. Is there more stuff I don't know about? No. No, there's nothing you don't know about. But it's like because I do reflection journaling and then I do future self journaling, which is if you if you guys are on Instagram at all, the holistic psychologist is phenomenal to follow. And she does this thing called like future self journaling. And so you reflect on things that you have done and choices you have made and then your future self on what you want to do, what you are going to do. Speak to yourself in the future as if those things already exist and write those things down and manifest them for yourself. You have to work for them, right? You can't just write it down in a magic journal and be like, yay, this is happening. You have to work for them. But if you put your mindset to that future self all the time and you write yourself that way, then it becomes real. Because you say this all the time. You are the universe that you create. So if you say that and you think it and you feel it and you write it down and you manifest that in your mind, that becomes your reality. And so my reflection journal brought me to that page about the other people's opinion and why I posted that thing last week. That's how that all came up this morning. Okay. You have to reflect on where you've been in order to grow to where you're going. Sure. I'll agree. Okay. Good. I feel like, no, I'm kidding. I think we're definitely, you're getting me sick as well.


Focus On Business And Personal Development

Business goals vs. personal growth. (35:22)

Cause I can feel my voice going. Oh, my God. It's awful. I'm so sorry. No, you're not. It just happens. Misery loves company. I mean, you were all up in my business. I told you. That is actually not really what happened at all. I said, you're sick. I should not be in your business. He said, no, no, no. I need my business up in. That's how it went. I mean, we do sleep in the same bed and snuggle, so you're going to get it no, no. I need my business up in. That's how it went. I mean, we do sleep in the same bed and snuggle, so you're going to get it no matter what. Uh-huh. That's fair. No, I think the entire premise of this episode is just to increase awareness, right? So much of the coaching that I do, I can say that we do now. Yeah. We were starting couples coaching and you're starting to go out on your own is to increase awareness. But that's across all the different areas, right? Like I was asked at some point last week, like, what do you coach on? What type of coach are you? Are you a business coach? I'm like, well, sure. Right. I mean, I can share all that I know about business and marketing and sales and automations and systems and processes because I've been through it. Right. It's real. Like I was part of scaling company from no revenue to $50 million in revenue. I was part of raising capital. Like I've done the things I've said I've done, I've done, but I've also failed. I've also had businesses completely capsized. I've been bankrupt. So I see both sides of that equation. But when I look back at it, the business part was the easy part. It's who I was and how my brain was wired. That was a hard part. We'll always get to business. If you're a business owner and you want to scale your business, sure, I got you. I promise. I'm 100% certain whatever you're going through I can help you through it but it's going to start with the awareness of what has created the habits that you have now which admittedly is where no one wants to look no and there's everything inside of you that will scream like don't go that way and everything that that current self is going to hold you back in your own mind from growing?


Whose opinion matters (37:05)

Because like I currently have, I can think of two specific business owner clients right now that are both going through iterations of those same exercises of having to become aware and having to deal with past trauma. And to see one of them, you know, she's just I couldn't be more proud of both of these ladies. Oddly enough, one is completely revamped her business and is now doubled her her income, her profit cut back on her hours. It's creating systems and processes, creating automation. Right. She's figure out a lifestyle that she wants and a dollar amount she's going to hit. Like I've already seen that person already know who it is, but along her journey Like it's her parents say she's foolish And then she's got her friends that say like you shouldn't do that then she's got other friends to say like no no hire all This stuff and if all these people like providing all this fucking advice and none of them have been through it like It's something if you if you're worried about other people's opinions, ask yourself two questions. Has that person been through what I'm about to go through? And would I change places with them if given the opportunity for my life? If the answer is no, fuck them. If they don't pay you or sleep with you or you pay them, I don't feel like they have any credence in your life. But that's a tough thing because tribalism exists, right? You've inevitably you as you're listening have the same group of friends You've had for a long time your parents are your parents the neighborhood that you grew up in like all these things are pretty consistent Right and you love them and you value your opinion, but you can only value it for so much You have to take what serves you and get rid of what doesn't because if you would change What like if she would have changed her path based on everybody else's opinion she wouldn't be where she was she wouldn't have doubled her business she would not have less hours to work with double income and then what she has changed her belief systems to please and seek the approval of other people yeah i mean here here's a a young lady a woman i mean she's not young or old. I guess that doesn't really matter.


Cover Story (39:22)

But then when I met her, like we had a recap call today on where she's at. And it's just seeing this incredible transformation of having 20 clients struggling to make whatever she was making at that point to having 15 or 16 clients and making double. And with an itemized plan to get her to a half million dollars this year. All because she finally said, I don't care what other people say. I'm just going to trust this process just for 12 or 14 weeks. Like, and that's all I personally asked for. Like you can push against the box. You can tell me that I'm wrong. You can challenge my thought process. I'm good with that. Just give me 12 or 14 weeks. And same thing with my other client, right? We're, we're doing a lot more of the deep work right now. She hasn't gotten to the shine yet. She's knee deep in the shit as we talk about. Oh, yeah. I think I talked to her yesterday about that. And she is going through it because she herself, her own admission, has been through plenty of business coaches. And they just haven't quite cracked the right code and haven't figured out the right pieces and parts. And so when she came into my life, was brought in, it was 100% like, let's work on business. Was in a meeting myself down in Dallas or in Austin, Texas, excuse myself, take a phone call with her and I said, if you want a business coach, I will coach you on business, but I'm not a business coach. Like I have a standing rule with every client. This is not going to be easy and this is going to take a while. If you are not ready for those two statements to truly be part of our coaching process, it's not going to work.


Coach Me Training (40:51)

Because here she sits with 30 years of people telling her no, don't, feeding her head full of stuff, massaging what she thinks is possible. And then what happens to all of us is we start believing those stories. So other people's opinions now become our own. Who's thinking are you really thinking? Until you become aware of that very sentence, that very statement, and I can own that. Where did I get this thought from? Do I really like this thought? Is it helping me? Where do I want to go? If I could take the filter off my life and do anything and know that I was going to succeed, what would I do? Who would I do it with? Where would I be doing it at? When you answer all those questions and then like write them down, like see them, visualize them. And if the only variable is that you know you couldn't fail, well, the only way you can fail is if you stop. And so it might not make sense from living here in Columbus, Ohio, that I want to change lives of 125 million people. I want to do it in the next 10 years. I don't know. At the end of like during that 10 year period, I'm living in California because I love it out there. The Venice Beach, Santa Monica type area. Have my wife. Gianna will be in college at that point. We can travel. Pretty simple. It doesn't have to make sense to any other person. It might not even make sense to my wife sitting across from me. Well, it makes sense to me because we've talked about it, but you're forgetting the window from like January to April while I'll be in Florida showing horses at WEF. Yeah, I don't think that's going to actually happen. That's part of my 10-year vision. I think I want to blow up WEF.


WFU Introduction (42:28)

Whatever is there, I want to level that thing. People do not need to ride these damn horses. You got to get on board at some point, babe. I was on board. I rode a horse. No, I mean like just with the whole lifestyle. I posted on my Instagram today If if I had a million dollars, what would I do go out buy more horses? That's great. Yeah, I'll get on that lifestyle when you get on lifestyle allows me to start racing cars. Yes It's perfect. I mean they have Race car driving in Florida. Sure. Absolutely. They do. Yeah Make great part is it'll be a comparable expense on our internal household balance sheet. That's right. Horses on one side and racing Porsches on the other. It'll be perfect. It'll be no big deal. No big deal at all. We can both accidentally die doing that. It's crazy. This whole circular conversation is, like I said, to increase awareness in your own life because inevitably there's somewhere where you want to do something, where you feel called in your soul and the people around you are not able to see the life that you can see. Do not seek their permission. It's not for them. It's for you. It is your life. And I'm going to encourage you. You don't even need the validation of asking them the question. Just take action, right? If, if that soul's desire is like knocking at you for a week, a month, a year, you don't have to ask your best friend what they think about this idea that is inevitably going to be like, that's great, but it's not for you.


Managing Expectations And Validation

Seeking Validation (43:45)

Or that's a dumb idea. Or like, what good does that do you? You're much better off if that's your idea, whatever your idea is, find someone that's already doing that thing and talk to them about it. Correct. Just use Google. Use the internet. Use the magic box in your hand. Reach out to enough people. Someone will have done what you're looking to do. And most people that have achieved more are willing to like extend their hand backwards and like help you come up the ladder a little bit. Like anything I've been through, I share openly. The stuff I haven't been through, I don't know how to share it because I haven't been through it yet. Right. I'm not the only one. You want to wrap up anything else? I think we covered a lot of good stuff there, honey. Feels long-winded. I mean, we just get in our flow sometimes, and it turns into a little long episode. I don't know how long this is going to be yet, but if you're still listening, thank you. If you are still listening, thank you. I mean, we go on tangents, but I love the way that we vibe like that. I'm down. That's good. So take us home. She's shaking her head vehemently. No, no. My throat is sore. I'm tired. So you can wrap this one up. So I guess quit asking for other people's opinions and go get shit done. For sure. Go get shit done. you


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