Episode 288 - Stop Being So Biased | Why Your Assumptions Are Limiting Your Potential | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 288 - Stop Being So Biased | Why Your Assumptions Are Limiting Your Potential".


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Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Idell, and today's episode is Stop Being So Biased. to stop being so biased. Today I'm going to share with you why my own bias literally almost cost me tens of thousands of dollars. So bias exists everywhere. Right now as you look around however you're consuming this show, there's bias that you are living in.

Understanding And Overcoming Biases

Stop Being So Biased (00:26)

There's bias that you are living in. Now, bias doesn't have to be something as significant as racism or sexism. But there's bias that's there. It's okay to have bias towards enjoying black cars versus white cars. That's a bias. There's a bias towards enjoying Mexican food versus Italian food. That's a bias. There's a bias to enjoying football versus basketball. That's a bias, right? Part of the understanding of where this show is going is having you recognize that bias doesn't necessarily have to be this catastrophic event. It's something that we live with. We all have preferences. Bias and preferences in my life or in my world or even by definition can almost be interchanged. And so I had this bias a long time ago. And really, it's crazy when I say a long time ago. The better part of 20 weeks ago that I was not supposed to coach women. It was just not on the radar, right? My message, who I am, the coaching I offered was 100% for men. I'd only ever had men clients before, or male clients. As I put out an offer in this show to work with me, it was called One of Seven, where seven individuals, I would discount my prices to something that's phenomenally, phenomenally low versus the service that you get. And all you had to do was email in and ask about it. And I launched this episode and I got hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds, thousands, thousand, however you want to say it, of emails of people that were interested in working with me. And wouldn't you know, the majority of them were female. By the nature of that statement, I have to somewhat assume, which I know what that can make me, that as you are listening right now, there's a chance you are a female yourself. I love you for that. I love you for that because when I started this evolution of podcasting, I had yet another bias and story in my head. That story was the fact that I was not for women, period. period. The fact that this show, my mindset, my methodology, even the way that I spoke was 100% guided towards men. If you go back and listen to the first 30, 40 episodes of this show, gosh, I think I'm probably close to 180 by this point. Go back to the first 30 or 40 episodes. Not only does the quality of the audio sound different, but so do I. I'm a little more aggressive. I'm a little more hard-edged. There's a lot more vulgarity. It's a male-dominated message. I remember seeing feedback in one of the original reviews of this show. It was from a woman. Literally gave me like a one-star review. This is incredible content if you are a man, but there's nothing here for women. Man, that's... I even had an episode about it. They literally launched a podcast episode defending my position back then from a place that was not wholehearted. You see, I understand from my current level of reality and my perception of what I was doing, I was basically masking how I actually felt. By hopping on the mic and being able to share and pontificate about how great this show was for everybody and how this woman had no idea what she was talking about, it was actually because I knew what she was saying was correct. I just didn't want to face it. It's just factual as I go through this life. I can speak to a man a certain way and I can speak to a woman another way. Or I can kind of just be the best version of myself, speak what comes to mind, and let who's supposed to listen to it and hear it receive it. After all, that's why you're here right now. For whatever the reason, for whatever the time of day, you have decided to give me an opportunity to fill your ears with something of value. And I love you for that, both men and women. But I've walked down this path and now have more coaching clients that are females than I do that are males. I have some phenomenal rock star women. Business owners, top sales executives, movers, shakers, people that are traveling all over the globe right now. I have some incredibly impactful women that are literally changing the way that they live their lives based off how we work together. More times than not, they are quicker to adopt a coaching protocol. They are quicker to say yes. They are quicker to pay. They are more thorough. They follow through to higher capacity, and they end up getting more shit done. I love you ladies for that. I get it. I'm a man. I procrastinate. I come up with all the reasons why this won't work. My ego gets in the way. There's a bunch of reasons as to why us men are hardheaded. And so I'm running through a filter, right? I'm having this new sense of awareness. I understand that I had bias. I understand that the podcast has evolved just as I have evolved as a man. Like, where did all this stuff come from?

Why (05:55)

Why wouldn't I have coached women? Why was I convinced that I couldn't possibly have this show appeal to ladies? Was it because of me? That couldn't be. It had to be because of the outside world. It had to be because if you didn't have a penis between your legs, there's no way you would like something that another penis has to say. Well, we've proven that's wrong, right? Statistically, I know that's not actually a true statement. So when the world wasn't. And it comes to me last week while I was in Dallas, Texas, sitting across from one of my female clients. And I'm sitting there and we're catching up and I'm talking to her about her business and where she's going and her relationship and her spirituality and her body and things. And I look at her and I share with her how proud I am of her for all the changes that she's made. You see, I don't inherently believe that anybody's flawed or broken when we come across each other. I believe that you are living a phenomenal life right now and you just want to increase your capacity. that you are living a phenomenal life right now and you just want to increase your capacity. You want to be more of who you already are. So I don't have some way, there's not a steadfast, like here's the road to success, steps one through 12. That's not how it works with me. What I do with men and women is build them up from the inside. We find out where you've been stuck. We find out what you want to scale and what you want to focus on then we come up with healthy habits, mindsets, behavioral patterns and actionable daily and weekly items to guide you towards that desired outcome that you came up with in the midst of one of these sessions I share with her how proud I am of her and I share with her that I can't believe the change that has occurred in her in just 6 or 8 weeks and how different her life is. I say I realized the deficiency in my previous mindset in my operating system. You see, there was never an actual time in which I didn't want to work with women. There was never a time in which I thought that I could not help women. There was never a time in which I thought that my could not help women. There was never a time in which I thought that my message would not eventually hit a woman's ears. What there were were times in which I didn't trust myself for any of those variables to actually happen. You see, if I shared my life so openly on this show, I had been unfaithful to every woman I had ever dated all throughout my 20s and into my early 30s, including but not limited to my current wife, my only wife, the only wife I will ever have. I was unfaithful for a number of different reasons, which I covered on a number of different shows, so I won't belittle that point at this current moment. But what I will do is share the fact that my bias towards my own behavior was limiting my ability to scale and grow forward as a man.

Having 35 hours of coaching sessions with women helped me develop my thinking around relationships (08:50)

You see, having 35, 36 hours of coaching clients every week for the past 12 weeks has created a massive amount of impact in my life. It's created a level of self-awareness, a way to navigate through tumultuous waters, a way to speak to men and women that impacts them, a way to look into your heart and soul and help you find the best version of you has all been created from the time under tension that I've just went through. the best version of you has all been created from the time under tension that I've just went through. But what it's also given me is maybe the biggest gift so far. And that's the fact that the bias I had to my own past behaviors doesn't have to still exist. You see, I can sit across from the incredible women that live down in the Dallas, Texas area. I can sit with them on two consecutive days face to face. I can call my incredible wife, tell her that I'm with these women. My wife trusts me, knows me, knows I would never disrespect her. My clients have no interest in me in any sort of physical manner or emotional manner. We are there to get work done. We are there to make impact. We are there to change the trajectory of their life and pull out the best version of themselves. They exude no sexual energy towards me and I exude none towards them. What I'm simply doing is showing up with them face to face just as I would on a Zoom phone call, just as I have on the telephone, just as I do as you are consuming this right now. I show up as the same person every time. And I'm realizing after back-to-back sessions, not in consecutive hours, but in consecutive days, that I've had my narrative all wrong. That the bias of the man I used to be has clouded the vision of what's possible for me going forward. That I had it set in my mind that if I was to talk to a woman every week for an hour to an hour and a half, and if we were to share intimate details of their lives with me, that certainly there would have to be some sort of potential sexual innuendo that would come across. But there's not. There never has been. And there never will be and there never has been and there never will be because I finally treated the root cause the same way I help my clients treat the root cause you see symptoms are just manifestations of something that are deeper issues and the fact that I was unable to be faithful was something that was much more deeply rooted inside of me than just the sheer fact that I was an asshole. Right, that's the easy way. That's the societal way of putting labels and boxes around people to make them feel comfortable. I truly believe in reform. I believe in reform in the psyche. I believe in reform inside the penal system. I believe in reform inside of you and how you feel. But reform has to start from a certain level of acceptance. And I now accept the fact that the bias that I had to working with women was not based around what they had ever shown me. It was based around the fact of I used to be an incomplete person. I was an incomplete man. I was an incomplete man. I was someone that thought I had it all figured out that anytime I had the opportunity to do something, I was certainly going to take it. Right? The old me, the me of five or six years ago, is in Dallas, Texas, has the ability to do anything that I want to, in my mind, get away with it, pull off any sort of shenanigans that had ever crossed my mind, and I would have went for it. And what happens instead? My wife calls as I'm at Whole Foods with one of the ladies I had a meeting with. I actually hand the phone over for this lady to answer it and say hello to my wife.

Bias of the past (12:44)

I actually hand the phone over for this lady to answer it and say hello to my wife. Because our relationship is stable and solid and it comes from a fact of self-love and appreciation and open communication between her and I, which has helped me literally completely eradicate the bias that I had for myself. Think how powerful that would be in your own life if you could start operating from a place without bias, without the bias of your past and discretions that don't have to dictate what's going on in the future. I've shared it before and I'll share it again. Dr. Joe Dispenza has a quote, a sentence, a saying, you can be defined by memory of your past and be propelled forward by a vision of your future. I am not defined, nor should you be defined by the dumb shit you did yesterday. It's a choice to walk around with that bias forever. It's a choice to repeat those patterns if you're willing to look at what created them. I realized that I was insecure. I realized I was unable to open my mouth and say it was on my mind. I realized I was afraid to hurt people. I realized I was looking for validation. I realized why I was searching for all those things based off of early childhood events that don't give credence to the fact that I was an asshole. They don't excuse it, but what they do is they put it in a box and I can finally put it away. Not only can I burn it away, I can put all the shit in a box. I can go in the backyard, I can light the motherfucker on fire, and I can bury it in the ground and never see it again. Because that is no longer who I am, it's who I was. So where in your life are you letting the bias of things you have done in the past dictate who you are in the present moment? Is it inside the gym? Is it the fact that you've got a story running in your subconscious that you can never stick to a workout plan?

Examples of biases (14:22)

You just never stick to it. You're biased to the fact that you're predisposed to failure, that nobody else gets what you're going through, that you have to be the one that just can't quite get it together, and you know the wheels are going to fall off the bus eventually. That is a bias. It's not true. It doesn't have to be. Let's work through that together. There's a way to stop having that happen. I guarantee it. I promise you. I am the case study. Maybe it's not your body. Maybe it's inside your relationship. Maybe you have bias as a female that you are just always going to be cheated on because that's what you have experienced as a woman. So you just think every man is a piece of shit and a dog. I get it. I was one. But is that bias serving you? Is that bias helping you get the relationship you want? Is that bias fulfilling the need for you to stop feeling lonely? Certainly it's not. Let's work on that. Let's stop that together. You deserve more than to have to live the rest of your time here feeling that way. What about inside of business?

Effect Of Biases On Business Strategies

Business Biases (15:39)

Imagine all the biases you could possibly have right now in business, from the right person to hire to what networking event to go to, to what job to have. There's biases that exist everywhere, and all of those biases are limiting your ability to produce. But they're all coming from a fact of something that has happened. You see, I'm 100% certain that we are habit-based creatures. We are not the superhuman supercomputers that we think we are. We are advanced pattern recognition machines. What that means is in the background, your subconscious is running, looking for patterns to keep you safe because we have fight or flight that's still hardwired and hard-coded into us. And so we have to always be looking, do I have to run? Do I have to fight? Do I have to run? Do I have to fight? Is there danger here? Is there a cat coming out of the woods is going to eat me? Is there food on that tree? Just because we have spent thousands and thousands of years on this planet doesn't mean that has evolved out of us. It means it's still there, which is why bias exists. It's why patterns are present, which is also why I know you deserve to have new patterns instilled in you so you can figure out how to feel better. Because with new patterns and a new way to feel, when you start living that way every day, you end up getting shit done. you

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