Episode 289 - Have You Seen My Porno? | Why Pornography Is Draining Your Resources | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 289 - Have You Seen My Porno? | Why Pornography Is Draining Your Resources".

1970-01-01T01:01:20.000Z

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Introduction

Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes of Freedom. I'm your host Ryan Idell and today's episode is Have You Seen My Porno? In today's episode I'm going to chat with you about pornography, it's role in my life, Have You Seen My Porno? Phrasing things. You see, I would be very comfortable saying in my adolescent years and even in the early adulthood, I would be addicted to porn. Yes, I got my hand up in the studio. I was the kid as a 10-year-old, right? We had dial-up modems, you know, that old AOL where it eventually said you got mail when you logged in and you heard the crazy modem making all the noises. I was part of that generation. And as a young, horny 10-year-old, I think third grade or so, maybe fourth grade, I couldn't help but starting to research things that I had no business researching online. Now, when I say I had no business researching, I certainly was a late bloomer, so I had not yet entered puberty in any capacity. But I was so curious about the female anatomy and sexualization and what all that meant that I couldn't help myself but to start to look at naked women. And pictures of naked women eventually progressed into full-blown adult material. Now, it's crazy. I had a guest on the show. His name is Ted Hoffman, who was sharing an experience from Las Vegas when he was in the hedge fund world. And he got to meet a woman named Jenna Jameson. Jenna Jameson was like the queen of the adult industry during my adolescent years. She was the one that if you were going to look at something, her face was everywhere. Now, probably obscure in today's world, but back then she was like the it person. I even, I know somewhere in Lindsay Nye's house, I have a book that she wrote that depicts her life story called How to Make Love Like a Porn Star. Oddly enough, that is not where this story is going, but stick with me. So I remember distinctly consistently looking at porn. Our computer was down in the basement of our house, right? We had a finished basement, ranch, house. And we had one of those, I'll call them inexpensive particle board doors. So when the door handle would start to turn and the door would fling open, I knew I had 12 to 14 steps before anybody could make it down to the basement. That gave me ample time and opportunity to look at adult material, like way more than any 10, 11, 12 year old could ever need. I fully remember exploring my body to say it in a polite way prior to being able to ever even complete the act. Like, it's really crazy when I say all this stuff out loud. I was so sexually driven, so sexually charged, without having all the necessary components inside of my anatomy to truly be that type of person. Fast forward into my senior year of high school, where I finally evolved into the incredible world of having my lips touch the lips of another woman. Yes, I had went from looking at porn and admittedly masturbating consistently at least once a day, if not two, three, four times a day, from 10 or 11 years old all the way until I'm 17 when I finally kissed my first girl. 17 when I finally kissed my first girl. It's crazy to think of the desensitization that I went through based off of what I perceived to be normal. Now life progresses and things go on, and I've shared in a multitude of different shows all the infidelities and crazy things I did to past women I was with. But the one thing that was always there for me was porn. and I was with. But the one thing that was always there for me was porn, right? Like porn was always a part of my life so much so that it became pseudo habitual for me, right? Like men, I guess it could be women too.


Men'S Perspectives On Sexuality

Men are different (04:15)

It became something I did when I was bored, right? I would go to the bathroom. I would relieve myself. I would do whatever it would be, and then I would just inherently start looking at porn. Now, it's crazy. It's crazy to say this out loud that this is the life that I was living. Now, it's not crazy because I have anything inherently wrong with porn, right? If that's your thing and that's what you think serves you, then by all means, I encourage you to continue. It's crazy to think now as I look at how the human body works and what my body was going through at that time to understand how to further optimize the way that I live here today. You see, as I shared, this habitual need for adult entertainment is comparable to the dopamine dump that one of us receives from consistent alcohol use or cocaine. Think about that. Science has now proven that the habits that I was creating as a 10 or 11-year-old boy that continued all the way up into my late adult years. I'm talking 30, 31. I was with my wife when I was still actively looking at pornographic material more than is required, more than really should happen at all. A funny story as it pertains to that, and I don't know how funny this really is, but I might as well expose myself, especially on this show.


Very Special Stories (05:29)

It only makes sense. So wife and I, at that point my girlfriend, were living in the same house. We'd just moved in together, and she had a car with Bluetooth telephony. So fancy way of saying, if I was driving her car, my phone would attach to her car. And if she was driving her car, her phone would attach. Well, on the Sunday, she has traditionally had the nicer car to the two of us. We took her car around and we ran whatever errands and we did whatever we did. Oh, come Monday morning, she's getting ready and she's getting set to go off to work and I'm in the bathroom, right? And as I've prefaced before, what do you think I'm doing in the bathroom at some point? Scrolling the internet, looking around, seeing what's out there. And in a fluke of luck, not really too much of a fluke as I set up the story, I'm scrolling through stuff on Facebook and I see this crazy stuff about the most insane taxi ride ever. And so I click it and it's clickbait, right? I used to have companies that helped create clickbait. Like I know what this is, but I click on it because there's a picture of an attractive woman that's scantily clad. I own it. A hundred percent what I did. of an attractive woman that's scantily clad. I own it. 100% what I did. As I click on this picture of a woman that's scantily clad, it launched me to another website and then to another website, and like three pop-up windows happened at the same time. At this point, I'm nervous, right? I'm on my iPhone. I'm thinking, gosh, is this a virus? Where's this taking me? What's going on? One thing leads to another, and I end up on an adult site. Don't necessarily remember the name of the site. Definitely don't want to plug a site that is not really what this show is about. But I end up on this site. And, of course, now I'm super curious. Like how is this scantily clad woman saying she's going for an insane taxi ride? And so I press play. And I'm ready. I want to see what this is all about. I am super curious. She's scantily clad. She's busted. She kind of checks the boxes for me. Now she checks these boxes. I start watching and my wife calls. I answer, hello. She's like, what are you doing? Well, nothing. I'm using the restroom. We're still in the garage and I know what you're looking at because it just came up on the Bluetooth screen. Name, website, auditory cues, and she's laughing about it. And here I'm mortified. I think this story is atrocious, but it's also humorous. but it's also humorous. It's funny from the position I'm in now because normally I would have been looking at porn in some capacity to relieve myself for whatever carnal desires that I thought I needed. Now the entire time I've been with my wife, our relationship in every capacity has been extremely healthy. Take that for whatever you want it to mean. But what continues to progress forward is this curiosity of what is making me want to even see what's going on in the pornographic world. I have a beautiful woman in my life.


Need and Desire (08:32)

We live together. I'm happy. My desires are taken care of. I believe her desires are taken care of. Her desires are taken care of. Other than the financial shortcomings and my lack of ability to tell the truth that's plagued our relationship for the first six or eight months, we had everything we wanted. So why was it that I was still seeking out porn? Like what was that there? Because it wasn't lack of fulfillment. It wasn't lack of being turned on by my partner. It wasn't anything that I could come up with. Well, now after research, it's because of the dopamine, right? Like this dopamine dump I'd become so consistently aware of and almost required it on this evolutionary pattern that whenever I got a free time, I was looking for that dopamine dump, no different than cocaine or alcohol. Now, I share that because as time progresses, what happens for most of us, think about if you've drank before. I think in college, all of us have had something to drink at some point. Maybe you yourself, maybe you have a drink in your hand right now. But what used to get us inebriated, right? It used to make us feel tipsy. With enough consistent exposure to that, it's not as stimulating. It doesn't change our physiology as much, right? We just kind of go through the process. We go through the motions. And so it takes more and more and more. And in college, we end up bonging beers and shotgunning beers and drinking Jägermeister, right? Like there's all these things that we all did, at least my group of friends and what I did. And so the same ends up being true for most people that consume porn, right? You need new things that push the envelope depending on how much you've viewed and how long you've seen it for. It doesn't even have to be that you're attracted to it. I certainly didn't love the taste of Jager, but I loved the effect of feeling numb. I loved exploring what that part was like as a college student. No different than maybe some crazy stuff that you've seen on the internet. There's actually science that backs why we do it. But that was then. And this is now. Back then, porn was a mainstay in my life. It was a staple. It was something that was, as I would have said laughingly now, a non-negotiable. But now I track and monitor everything. I'm all about, we'll call it living my best life, as much as I despise that sentence. But it's about living the optimized human experience here on Earth. I truly believe that all of us, including you, you yourself right now, are destined for incredible greatness. But we have habits and systems and patterns that are running in the background that are keeping us stuck. And you can't fly into greatness if you're stuck down in the weeds. And porn was one of those things that was keeping me stuck. And so over time and with consistency, my relationship with adult material kind of waxed and waned and took a backseat. And so did my research into why things work the way they do. And so now I have some less than comfortable or exciting news for most of us to hear. You see, there's been ample research done on the amount of testosterone the male body produces into his 30s as he has frequent or infrequent sex, either with himself or with his partner. The answer might surprise you. Your body produces more testosterone when you have frequent sex but infrequent ejaculations. Yes, let that sink in for a minute. Imagine, if you will, that you are having sex with your partner, I guess you could even say with yourself, and you get right up to the edge, right when you know you're ready to complete the act, and you stop. And you stop and you walk away. Well, if you do that consistently, your testosterone levels have been proven to be increased by as much as 72%. Think about that. As you want to build muscle, as you want to lean out, as you want to show up as more of a man, that's the way to do it. But that also holds true if you are single and listening to this. And you're taking liberty on yourself at night when you get home from work, because that's just what we do, right? We're bored, we lay in bed, that'll put me to sleep. For men, it does. For men, it does put you to sleep based off the fact of it robs your brain of dopamine and puts you into that state where there's an increase in serotonin. Fancy terms for saying we literally fall asleep once we ejaculate. That's how men work. But if you want to show up and be more attractive to the women in your life, men, you actually ejaculate less. You see, as your testosterone levels increase, you put out more pheromones. And those pheromones are when you walk into a room and all the women just seem to be gravitating towards you and they're looking at you and it seems like you just can't do anything wrong. It's a good chance you have a heightened amount of pheromones that day. The pheromones probably came from you being confident and also came from the fact of you probably didn't flog the dolphin. So you're going to want to stay away from that. It's just science. It's crazy to say that out loud, but it is now proven in multiple case studies across multiple universities, not only U.S., but in England as well. Great news, though, for you ladies. Ladies, you're listening to this. Your health and virality is the exact opposite of us men. You are consummate receivers, and therefore, you should ultimately be receiving orgasms a plethora every day. ultimately be receiving orgasms a plethora every day. You actually produce at a higher level and can get more things done when you have more orgasms than you've ever had before. You should be having multiple orgasms every day. That's what creates the best hormone balance inside of your body. So think about that. Men, our job is to have sex somehow and to not ejaculate. Scientifically, that's what will produce the most testosterone. But then it would also be our goal as married men to make sure our wives are enjoying themselves as much as humanly possible prior to stopping the situation. It's really nuts, right serotonin, that dopamine, what ends up happening is as we ejaculate as men, there's prolactin that comes out. That's what drops in our body. That prolactin is what puts us into that sleep-like state. The one that laughingly, my wife always jokes like she's ready to go. She's ready to run a marathon and I am zonked out. That is our life together. But there's scientific research backing up exactly why that is. So man, across the board, 30 days. When's the last time in your life you went 30 days and did not ejaculate in some sort of capacity? Do you remember the last time that happened? Now this is not to say you can't have sex. And there's this confusion like, what do you mean sex? How can I have sex and not ejaculate? I mean, come on, go back to those college days where you might have had one or two too many to drink. You certainly can remember how you could have the act of sex and not ejaculate. It's certainly possible. But there's a better formulation to this. And the formulation is mathematic. The way we have sex can actually be a mathematic equation for us men. Women, you get off scot-free as much as you want, as frequently as you want, as long as you're having quality orgasms consistently. Science has now proven you are ready to go. You are in the driver's seat. Have at it, women. More power to you. Hopefully you enjoy that and hopefully you have men that are helping you out with that. Or you're doing it yourself. But the formulaic expression for us men is to take your age. I'm 34 years old. And from a 34-year-old spot, away from that, right? Take seven, just subtract seven. So from 34, I'm down to 27. Take that 27 and then divide that by four. So roughly seven. From a scientific aspect, I should be ejaculating once every seven days max to optimize my testosterone versus estrogen access. So think about that. Here we are in this over-sexualized economy, over-sexualized society.


Prioritizing Your Drive Over Sexual Pleasure (17:13)

For me personally, someone that was masturbating multiple times a day for years and years and years. That was my truth. That was my reality. And then I was wondering why in high school women didn't find me attractive. I was wondering why I was a late bloomer. I was wondering why I couldn't put on muscle and couldn't do all these things. And certainly there's some truth to all that, right? Like that's science. I could in fact be a late bloomer. But as now we've come more full circle and start to track and monitor everything as I do in my life, it's being proven that less frequent orgasms for men, ejaculation, increases testosterone, which would increase lean muscle mass, which would decrease body fat, which would increase pheromones and make the opposite sex find you more attractive. It's pretty eye-opening.


A Message To Men (18:10)

It's pretty eye-opening at the fact of all the time I wasted. And now as I look at it, all the time that really would take away from what matters. You see, I get to sit in this chair now and I have a great relationship with my wife I've had for multiple, multiple years. We have an incredibly fulfilled life in every capacity. Certainly my desires go up and down as stresses go up and down, but I think that's true for most people. And even if it's not, it's true for me. But what happens is I've pushed all that old version of me, those old limiting beliefs, those old operating systems, they've all been pushed to the wayside. They're not important to me. I don't care about porn. It just doesn't matter. So I'd like to elicit a challenge, if you will, to you as you're listening. This challenge is twofold. Men, as you are listening, take your age, subtract seven, divide by four, and for the next 30 days, do the best you can, especially if you're single, to only come to completion, pun intended, that often throughout the month. Then women, your job, in a safe manner, is to make sure you enjoy yourself, your body, and your ability to be you as many times as you can every day as long as it doesn't interrupt the pattern of your life. You start combining those two things together and the world changes. Maybe then we can start worrying less about the sexualization of what's going on so we stop becoming so numb to it and can help grow and flourish because we're worrying about what really matters and that's us on the inside.


Evaluating The Impact Of Unmet Sexual Needs

How Does This Change Us When Sexual Help Isnt The Need (20:03)

It's one of those unique episodes where I have no idea how to wrap it up as it pertains to your body other than the fact, yeah, I guess I do. Men, play from the sideline for a minute. Allow yourself to delay some gratification for just a little while. Increase the amount of testosterone you produce. Go to the gym. Pack on a little extra muscle. Feel a little more confident. It'll also help you decrease your body fat. In your relationship, pretty self-explanatory, lay off the porn. Focus on what matters. Focus on your spouse. Focus on their pleasure. Focus on maximizing this human experience. And inside business, there's been multiple, multiple studies done that us men particularly, we produce at a higher level when we've had less sexual encounters. So if you're in a crunch, you really need to make some money, you really need to dive in and double down on your success, put that sexual stuff to the side for a minute. When you do all those things and kind of put them together in a box for yourself,


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