Episode 291 - Do You Know Your Worth? | How To Establish And Own Your Worth Throughout Life | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 291 - Do You Know Your Worth? | How To Establish And Own Your Worth Throughout Life".


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Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes of Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is Do You Know Your Worth? Today I want to help you establish what your worth is, how to own that, and how to honor that as you go forward through life.

Self-Worth And Personal Growth

Do you know your worth? (00:24)

So I found one of the most incredible things from every client that I have had, including myself, right? I'm going to put myself in the same basket, is that we undervalue who we are, right?

Yours (00:37)

Think about this. Think about your life right now. You have a skill. You have something that you do. You have something that you offer the world. I know you do. Maybe it's hidden inside. Maybe you don't share it outwardly, or maybe you're lucky enough to do it for a career. But over time, for whatever the reason, you have become watered down in your mind of saying that you're only worth a certain dollar amount. I'm going to share with you why I think that is. I'm going to remove the word think. I'm going to share with you why I know that is. You see, all along the path of our lives, we have been told that we should really just keep our mouth shut, fall in line. Go all the way back to elementary school.

Children (01:27)

You're not supposed to stand up. You're not supposed to talk out of turn. You have to raise your hand to go to the bathroom. You need societal approval. It's being ingrained in us at that point in life that we need approval from the world to do the things we want to do. And heaven forbid you should want to learn something different or you had a speech impediment or a learning disability, quote unquote. These are the things that put you then in a separate box and you're thought of to be less than. Okay, well you couple that with the fact of your life up to that point has been molded by the belief system of your parents. And if you were like me, you came from a middle America, middle class upbringing, which is a beautiful thing. I'm not disparaging what it is to be middle class.

Middle Class (02:13)

That is certainly the maturity of the populace. There's a good chance if you're listening to this that you also grew up in a middle class household or even middle class right now. But the mindset that was instilled upon me is, essentially, work really hard for a really long time and then maybe eventually you climb the corporate ladder. That's just what it was. That's what my father did. I love him for it, right? He provided for us, but so much of that, I was taught that really self-love and self-value was a proposition of external validation. Meaning I got praised more when I scored more goals in soccer.

Practice (02:48)

I got told I was better when I was out producing money from my yard mowing business. Right now that's my cognitive distortion. I certainly could have been told all these things all throughout my life, not disparaging my parents. What I am saying, however they were impressing it upon me, it didn't stick to me. I only remember the times where I was massively successful and then got filled with praise. But the opposite side of that was there were all these times in which I fell just short and I didn't get the praise or I even got reprimanded. So here we have those formative years, those years from early childhood memories, I'll say two to three, up until seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, much like yourself, where we're told to keep our mouth shut. We're told that value comes from external prizes. We're told that all these things. So by saying that out loud, I can somewhat understand why a participation trophy could make sense. Now, I don't agree with that. I don't believe that everybody should get a trophy for participating in an event. But I understand the thought process behind how there's a way to make people feel better. Understand the thought process behind how there's a way to make people feel better. Because without knowing it, I had adopted those as core operating principles for my entire life.

Participating (04:09)

All throughout life, as I was interviewing for jobs and trying to climb the quote unquote next rung of the ladder, much as you might be doing right now, I was always told just to be grateful for the opportunity to work somewhere. Now, I inherently don't disagree with that. There are plenty of people that would love an opportunity to earn a good living, plenty of people that would love to have somewhere to show up at work.

Gratitude (04:25)

I don't know what the unemployment rate is right now in the U.S., but let's say it's 5.5% or 6%. That means 5.5% or 6% of the population would love to switch positions with you no matter where you are at right now in the hierarchy of your evolution of needs. But what if you're not really happy with that?

Bugs & Value (05:00)

What if you got that entrepreneurial bug and you want to go out for yourself and you want to value your product and service? See, I was sharing a phone call today with a friend of mine. A friend of mine is a great guy from St. Louis, Missouri. Has a thriving business. Things are successful. He's ascending up through ranks that most people would never dream to ascend to. And he feels compelled to start his coaching practice, right? He's got gifts inside of him that he feels that the world can benefit from and he's called to do it. It's not me for to judge, to say if he is or isn't supposed to, it's not my life to live.

My Path, Part 1 (05:35)

But when he calls me to ask questions, this guy from St. Louis, like I started opening up Pandora's box. Here's the things that I've done. Here's where my value comes from. Here's why I know that I'm good at what I do. And it's dawning on me as I'm sharing with him that I'm actually reaffirming my own thought process. You see, I realize that I've spent money at Wake Up Warrior and Tony Robbins and Dr. Shefali and all these different events and pieces and books and things that make me who I am. That when I look back and I can tally up $250,000 or $300,000 I spent on personal development at this point in my life, I've been blessed to have worked hard enough to be able to be in the position to actually do that. But that doesn't mean that you have to expect less than if you haven't gotten to that point. The value that I bring to the table is I have all these influences that I openly share that if you want to go down that path, go down that path. You're going to come up with your own version of what that looks like in your life. But from where I sit, I put in the reps so I can give you the shortcut I don't know about you but in high school and in college the minute I figured out the cliff notes existed I stopped reading full books it made no sense to me why would I want to pour over 600 pages of some book when I can grab the cliff notes version speak educated enough to have it be of some value, and then move on to the next thing. I'm okay being the Cliff Notes version of other people's things while combining it with my own thought process, mindset, and methodology.

Story on keeping client for free (07:11)

I don't know if Tony Robbins has read the Spiral Dynamics books that I have. I don't know the last 27 books that Garrett J. White read. I don't know what Dr. Shefali does in her free time. I know what I do. As I'm instilling all this in my friend from St. Louis and sharing this value, I'm like, man, I know all the things you've done. I know the books you've read. He said, yeah, I just don't know. I just don't know. Like maybe I should train a couple of clients for free and free to me as a kiss of death because free, it does not add value to the marketplace and also doesn't add value to you because it's never a thing that the market won't pay for your goods or services. It's that you don't think you're fucking worth it. You just don't find your own value. It's like the worst thing in the world for me to hear. That's a story you tell yourself. You don't have to coach anybody for free. You shouldn't do anything in your life for free unless it's for someone that you absolutely love. That's my personal opinion. It's like you're better off. People are coming to you because they see value in your information and knowledge. So start charging them for that. I have went through evolutions of life in which I've charged three grand, five grand, seven grand, 10 grand, 15, 20, not 20, 15 grand for one-on-one coaching. Every rep has meant something. Every call has meant something. Every situation prepares me for the next situation. I had to go through all of those to get to the point of being where I'm at today, which will not be the point I am at 15 weeks from now because I'm putting in the reps. Same thing as I would tell you to put in the reps. But you know, when I look at it, I've had make up a number in the past, however long it's been past half of the year, let's say I've had 40 clients at 14 weeks, right? So that's 56 client weeks at at least an hour a call per client, right? All of a sudden, like the math starts to get massively large. Every client that's signing up ends up getting somewhere between 14 and 20 hours of one-on-one coaching times 50 clients, right? How do you put a dollar value in what 100 client hours feels like? But 100 client hours is nowhere near 10,000. I'm not a professional in this. I have the accreditation to show that I am. But all that goes back to the value we put on ourselves, right? It's so easy to start talking down to what we offer to the marketplace. Think of your life right now and what it is that's your gift. You were convinced that you need to settle for whatever you can get. At what point in your life did you decide that you shouldn't have everything? At what point in your life did you decide that you shouldn't have everything? When did that become what you were living for was just to exist? If you want a private plane, if you want endless cars, if you want a mansion, if you want $10 million in the bank, if you want an incredible body, if you want a thriving business, or you want to live outside in the woods and get rid of all material possessions, you should go for that shit. You should quit doubting your worth. You should quit doubting your value and move forward towards something. But that's easy for me to say from where I sit, right? I hear you almost right now, like, yeah, Ryan, this is great, but how do I do anything with this? This is another rah-rah speech. Certainly. I got to motivate you from the front side. Then we go back to those original things that created the thought processes and belief systems that you have right now. Why did you stop believing you could have everything?

Why we doubt our worth (10:57)

Inevitably, it's because you heard it during those developmental years just like I did. So then you got to go back and rewire that version of you. You got to go back as the adult and heal the child. You got to spend some time with the little you. You have to reframe the entire situation that created your belief system and realize why that was founded. Your parents were only putting onto you what they believed to be true for them, which they also did not openly accept. It was given to them. Their parents gave them what they were operating with. Unless they bucked the system, kind of pushed their parents to the side, went out and grew an enterprise themselves, and then are teaching you from an entrepreneurial standpoint, which is rare, right? So you sit down at the dinner table in my household, you should be thankful for what you have, right? You pray over the food. You thank God for what you have in front of you. Well, it's not that I deserve any of the food, right? I don't necessarily deserve this food, but I should be thankful to a higher power that they've created the food, but am I thankful it's on the table? Where does this circle stop spinning around where you finally start to take ownership of what it is that you are and what it is that you want and then what you're going to do to go get it? Like that's the thing. You want more than you have, but are you willing to do the work to go out and get it? I can work with you. You can work with a number of coaches to rewire your belief system to start to increase your value, right? That's one of the famous things that almost every coach does. I love it because I've done it with some of my clients. You work with someone that's in a consulting space. You work with someone that's in a coaching space. You work with someone that's in the fitness space. What's the first thing you tell them to do? Well, just increase your price. You charge 500 bucks an hour now, charge 700. Increase it by 20%. You're undervaluing yourself by 20%. And you can see the color drain out of their face. You can hear their heart pounding from across the microphone on Zoom. I can see their pen glistening in their hand as the sweat's dripping off it from like, holy shit, what did this guy just tell me to do? This doesn't make any sense. No one's going to pay that. My business is going to capsize. I'm going to fail. I paid this guy to tell me to charge more money?

Why You Are Under Valuing Yourself (13:21)

And what I feel like most coaches do is they just stop and say just go do it and talk to me next week Maybe I'm different maybe I'm not but in my mind what I do is I rewire we go all the way back through Why you think that way why that dollar value was derived What's the proof that you have that you're not worth more money? When's the last time you asked for more? Why didn't you ask for more? What are the belief systems created by the current dollar value you're producing for your product or service? Are those the belief systems and habits that you wish to have as you progress forward into life? Would you teach those same belief systems to your children? When you ask all those questions and you force really hard down on that number, you get really clear on the facts. You get on the facts you've been undervaluing who you are because the gift that you have inside of you is required by the world and the people that need what you have will pay what you ask if I tell you right now that my coaching protocol is $20,000 if that's what I telling you, there's a subset of you that are sitting there thinking, I would never pay anybody $20,000 to have them talk to me for 14 weeks. Okay. Love you for it. I respect you for it. There's some of you that are saying, I'll just keep listening for free on the podcast and I'll take some of this and I'll do something with it.

Underestimating Yourself In Different Scenarios

Example: Products, Coaching, Relationships, Workplace: You Are Under Valuing Yourself (14:33)

I love you just the same. That's fantastic. And there's some of you that are listening and saying like, I want that because if he's charging 20 grand, he's going to take me from where I'm at to really far past what I can even see right now. Those are my clients. Just like those are your clients. Just like that's the value you should put on yourself. But it's a value that has to be derived from an internal source. If you're seeking external validation, it's never going to come. So think about all the different places in your life right now where you're undervaluing who you are. I used to do it in the gym all the time because I wasn't the biggest. I wasn't the best. I didn't have the most incredible physique. When it comes right down to it, my knowledge in that sport and how your body works is phenomenal because I'm a student of that game, because I care, I give a shit, and I study consistently because it lights me on fire, because it's part of my training protocol, because I care about how your body operates. So I can say I'm pretty elite as it comes down to how your body works without having a doctoral degree. So maybe you're experiencing the same thing in your life. Maybe your thing is relationships. Maybe you're undervaluing yourself, especially women, right? Us men are horrible at this. We slowly whittle you down. We make you believe that you're only worth us, that you'll never find someone better than who we are. And so we don't show up. We don't court you anymore. We don't date you the right way. We don't pamper you. We don't do anything because it doesn't get any better than us. And you start to believe that shit. You start to believe that you're not worthy of what you already know you've had before You start to believe that you're not worthy of what you already know you've had before, probably from the man you're dating. Maybe this breaks up some relationships and I hope it does.

Adam'S Final Thoughts

Adam Leaves Conclusion (16:33)

Leave that guy. Give him a choice to raise his game up or go find it because that's what you deserve. Then let's talk about the workplace. Like work is easy, right? Because that's how we all measure our level of success, is how much money do we make? How many zeros in our bank account? The more zeros, the more successful, the more happy. I've had multiple conversations with multiple people this week about big-level producers. I mean, big-level producers. Seven, eight-figure guys that I know with complete certainty are absolutely miserable inside. I know they are. I know they're sedating by drinking. I know they're running from the truth. I know they're dealing with anger issues. I know they're, they're just not happy with who they are and where they are. And so their boisterous nature presents, prevents them from seeking the peace that they're searching for, because none of us want to feel that way, including you. If you are so focused on what you are worth based off a dollar value as it pertains to business instead of the value you add to the marketplace, you're going to fall short. And so when you stop selling yourself short and start focusing on what you're truly worth from the inside out, going forward, every day, you'll be able to get shit done. you

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