Episode 292 - Tommy Baker | Resist Average | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 292 - Tommy Baker | Resist Average".
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This is 15 minutes of freedom. I'm your host, Ryan. I don't today special guest take two because I'm completely flubbed. Take one. I have Tommy Baker with me live from Arizona. Love it, man. Ryan, thank you for having me on for a second time. That first conversation, you and I had to have it. Now the second one, there's going to be other people who are going to be able to hop into it. So thank you for having me. Man, it's my pleasure. I'm glad that you adopted that mindset because talk about egg on my face. We had this crazy talk the first time. Not that we can't have multiple incredibly impactful conversations, but we got to pull it up to dub the audio and it's just, there's just nothing there. Like it's me talking to nothing. It was the most awkward thing I've ever experienced. Then have to reach out to me like someone I respect incredibly to say, uh, look, this, none of this actually worked the right way. Can we take, do take two? So I appreciate you. Love it, man. That's for somebody listening. That's going to happen time and time again. It's how we react to it. And you were very blunt. You said, hey, I dropped the ball. And I said, awesome, let's do it again. So now we're here. So Tommy, leading into that, if you could give the listeners one gift of something they could do every day to shift the trajectory of their life. We're both coaches, but you have such an impactful way of living. What's one thing you could have somebody right away do to implement that they'd start to feel different and produce higher tomorrow?
Personal Development And Focus Enhancement Techniques
Start your daily practice (01:28)
Yeah, the number one thing, and it sounds so simple, is to start your day with some type of silence. Start your day on some type of airplane mode. Like have a time, even if it's 15 minutes, this is where I start with brand new people, 15 minutes of you time. And it really doesn't matter what you do during that time as long as it's yours and you're working on yourself and you're spending some time in silence, you're just getting to know who you are because how often do we actually spend time with ourselves where we're not distracted, not disconnected, not connected to somebody else or in conversation, filling up space. So that would be the number one thing and it sounds so simple but if you do it and you cultivate that, guess what, you build the relationship with yourself.
Re-centre yourself (01:59)
And as you know and as you talk about Ryan, it always starts with us. It certainly does. And as we say, starting with us, Tommy, you just got done writing, not done writing, you're shipping out your second book now, right? When's the launch date on the second book? Yeah, technically this one's, this one's would be the third, but this comes out in early April. Early April. And as we're recording this, it's January. So we just need to press the time machine button and get to early April because I'm super excited. Like your 1% rule book is incredible. Thank you so much, brother. what was the driving force to write again? Because for those of you listening, if you haven't written a book before, like I sat down to write a book and then I took a week's vacation to try to finish writing a book and then I'm still writing a book and then I've said 14 different times it's coming out and it's still nowhere near done. I don't know how you ever get to the point where you're like, okay, this one's good to go. Because like a baby, I'm looking at it and I'm like, man, it's just however many pages in that I've written and it's just not ready yet. Walk us through that process So there's a great quote on the creative process and it said no great work is ever done It's abandoned meaning like you as creators. We're never gonna feel like stuff is completely done But there's a point where you say, you know what? I've said what I need to say and it's right at the it's it's it's perfect as it is right now Even though it's perfectly imperfect now, it's time to go but in terms of the process so for me writing is one of the things that just fuels my soul and I've known that for a while but I didn't always create the space in the priority to bring that to life and so for the past you know four or five years part of a centerpiece of my morning ritual is to spend 30 times undistracted writing and so this does two things one it creates incredible results because I'm able to write books and blogs and everything I want to create and I'm able to find fulfillment in that right so it results in fulfillment which are the two two markers of growth and so for somebody out for you, you may have something else that you want to work on, but find something that lights you up, treat it as a skill, and then marry that to however you bring value to the marketplace. And for me, writing makes perfect sense based on what I do. And then that's when you see your big goals just come to life because it becomes easy and actually becomes fun yeah i love that tommy i must plug you at this moment because there's a lot of coaches right i'm a coach you're a coach you and i have friends that are coaches but the eloquent nature in which you're right and how often you put out incredibly impactful complimentary content i hate to say free because i don't think people value free but to follow you on social media is to get like this whole download from the universe on how you can live your life.
What is resist average (04:23)
Like from the 17 most this to the 34 best ways to do that. Like you're an endless content machine. Where can, where can the guys find you at? Yeah. I mean, the best place is obviously if you listen to podcasts, come to the resist average Academy, or where you have conversations like this. But if not follow me on Instagram at Tommy underscore Resist Average and just my personal Facebook. So you search Tommy Baker, you should be able to find me. And I appreciate that, man. And it's like, one of the things that I love about you is that you're such a great student. And so often I'll post something or post the book or a practice that I did. And then, you know, a week later, you'll post something and tag me in it and saying that you hopped into it, whether it was floating, whether it was a Dr. Joe Dispenza book, whether it was something else. And so that's what I really appreciate about you because, Hey, there's a lot of people that are, that may be open to learning, but they don't put the pen to paper and you put the pen to paper and you put the action in practice. So that to me is super, super powerful. Well, I appreciate that. I must, I must let you as a listener know, at least a third of the books that I've ever posted came from Tommy Does This Great Thing on Instagram, where he puts a book down either on a wooden bench or on a floor or on some background. I used to have the perfect, I moved, so I lost the perfect contrast, but yes. He had it, and every book would be this certain angle. It's like he had it marked off where he should put it, and there'd just be this Insta story of like 18 different books. And I have screenshots of my phone still of all the books that he printed. So Dr. Joe Dispenza's Becoming Supernatural. That was 100% how many episodes. That's like a must read for me as you dive into meditation, spirituality, understand how to breathe and understand kind of the connection to the one, to the universe. That's the book I turn everybody to, to start with. Do you have another book, Tommy, that would lead people down that path? Like something that's obviously all of Dr. Joe Dispenza's work are incredible, but that, that one just really connects with me. Yeah. Another one I love, which I also had on the podcast was Dr. Bruce Lipton, the biology of belief. And it's just very rooted in, in, in the combination of science and spirituality and how we understand this that our belief you know really dictates the quality of our life but he takes it's a next a deeper level in science that our belief actually impacts our genes which impacts our destiny and our health and vitality and everything in between so two great minds and and you know if you just latch on to either of those, you're going to, you know, your world is going to expand in terms of what's possible. Yeah. And then as you talk about genes and kind of remapping and things like that, I believe you might've been the first one to openly post, or at least it was in my vortex, ice baths, right?
How cold water cools your decisions (07:02)
Really submerging yourself in ice water and the benefits of that and cold showers and breathing. Would you mind, I call it biohacking now, but it's ironic. To me, we're really returning back to that primitive state that we're like to the source, right? The blue light glass that I wear to block seeing the radiation from the screen was because the screen was not meant to be seen by me. Same thing with the ice baths. We weren't meant to have hot water because we were not from that time like we have not evolutionary caught up with the way that we're living our lives internally from the structure of our dna and tommy's like a master of this without it even being necessarily quote-unquote biohacking maybe you refer to it as that but it's it's almost returning back to the original it is it is it's we've over complicated everything we've become desensitized to everything. So much like you teach, I'm always thinking like, how can we go back to, you know, how can we simplify and go back to what really works, right? So with convenience, there's a downside to convenience, right? And part of the downside is that we've become super comfortable and like to me, the powerful thing about a practice like a cold plunge or ice bath, et cetera, et cetera, I've been doing like for a half decade now consistently, is yes, there's physiological benefits that can be researched, but what it does to your mind is much more important. If you're willing to start the day and whether you're in the shower, whether you're in the plunge, whether you're in the bath with actual ice, we have that moment, Ryan, that moment where there's this slither of our mind that wants it out and it says not today no no I'm not not I'm not gonna go there today and let's go back to warm and to me that is such a pivotal moment for our life it's not it's not even for that day it's just a macro micro example of what we're gonna do next and to me I know if I if I put my foot in the ice bath and I go all the way in and I put my head in, I'm much more likely to have that tough conversation later. I'm much more likely to ship the content when I don't feel like it. I'm much more likely to finish the post when I have no idea what I'm saying, which happens a lot of the time in the mornings, or any of those other things, or face my own self-doubt. So that's the power of it. So are you willing to get uncomfortable? How often are you willing to get uncomfortable? How often are you willing to do that? And that's what builds confidence and belief. And then when you go out to the real world, you're like, you know what? I got this because guess what? I've already done all of these things in the morning that challenged me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Well, and Tommy, you're touching base. We spoke about the 15 minutes as you start your day of the me time, the quiet time. We spoke about now the cold shower, ice plunge, whatever you want to refer to it. I'd love for you to share your, I'll call it your perfect morning formula, right? Like we all have that ritualistic basis. At least I think if we're the most successful people that I know, I'll have something that that's just their time and it starts here and it ends there. And we do those things that put us, as I call it, in personal power. What's your morning ritual look like? Yeah, and the perfect morning ritual for me is to get up slowly because I live in intensity, so it's very important for me to live balanced in the morning. Wake up slowly, go straight to meditation, usually going to be something like Dr. Joe Dispenza. Sometimes I'll do the full 45 minutes. Sometimes I'll do 15 minutes of it, but it doesn't matter. I'll do one of his meditations. Then I'll journal for the day in my journal. And I have a part of it right here is where I have my goals for the next quarter. And I look at the four goals and ask myself, what can I do today that's going to get me closer to those in those four quadrants, right? And then I start looking at my daily calendar and I start planning with that. And then that's when that part of the morning is done. And then I shift to nature. I go outside, non-negotiable every single day. And that might be my physical training, or then I'll go to the gym and do that. And then I'll finish up with a routine of expressing gratitude to the people in my life and, you know, creating a what that message is gonna be and how it's Gonna look like so that would be like an ideal morning But for somebody out there that the key is, you know have structure and routine around your morning routine and at the same time It's it's paradox. It's a dichotomy also be willing to be flexible Right because for me some mornings now because the last thing I do is my writing right and that's 45 minutes to an hour of you know airplane mode focus time but some days you know I'm in the middle of my routine and I'm like you know what I'm ready I have this creative idea and I got to go and I don't want to lose the spark so I'll shorten the rest of my routine so I can do my most important work of the day first I I absolutely love that. I mean, it's so important to realize what serves you, right?
Why routine is important but should be flexible (11:20)
I mean, you and I both at some point had been through, you know, Garrett J. White's Wake Up Warrior experience, and so much of so many external coaches, in my opinion, and this is not to disparage anybody, but there's only one way, right? You've got to peel the apple the same way every day, and if you peel the apple any way other than the same way, you're, you're questioned on why, like you can't do it that way. Like there's a shame and guilt feedback loop that gets created based off of kind of pushing on the box as I call it, but doing what serves you every morning to me creates more power, productivity and production than anything else, right? Like you said, there's, there's a core basis of six, eight, 10, 12 things we probably both adhere to every morning. But the order and the, I just kind of go with the flow and flow is such a unique conversation, but right, like it's not every morning is not the exact same for me, but I get the same things done in the same period of time because I'm the most important part of my day. If I don't do it for me, who's going to do it for me? Absolutely. And that's, that's the point I want to drive home, have a toolkit. And depending on the day, yes, there's going to be tools that are going to be used every day. For me, meditation, non-negotiable tool every single day. Nature, I'm outside every single day, but like my deep spiritual explorations in nature, that's going to be a tool that I'm going to pull out four days a week, right? And so knowing yourself is part of this intuitive, what you need. Just like you said, if you go into an exercise out of guilt and shame, your frequency is so damn low that you're not going to get any real benefit besides some check mark in your head from it, right? We all know like the energy that we bring into something is what we get out of it. And that's exactly what you're talking about.
Know Yourself, Know What You Need (13:21)
Know yourself, know what you need, build that inner compass, you know what feels right to you, and then do more of that. Well, and Tommy, as you discuss nature, how much of your work is grounded work, right? Like I even adhere now to the fact of we weren't designed to wear shoes. There's so much that comes into the negative grounding of connecting with the earth and actually feeling it, right? So sure, you happen to live in Arizona where you can go hike and do some crazy things at a frequent basis. But there's a lot of us out here, as I live in Columbus, Ohio, and the high on Wednesday is going to be one degree. Like, literally one. And the low is negative seven, and the wind chill is supposed to be, like, there's supposed to be at least 24-mile-an-hour consistent winds, so we can do the math and back into what that looks like. What's your thought on grounding right and what that really does and how that connection increases your frequency and your vibration i think it's it's absolutely essential you know one of my first mentors his name was paul chakos when i was in the fitness industry but he's super spiritual guy too um and you know he he introduced me to grounding to breathing and to workouts that didn't involve weights. It was just him carrying rocks and being outside of nature. But a simple thing like taking your shoes off and really feeling the earth beneath you once a day, I mean that, as it sounds, is gonna ground you. And when I say ground you, it's gonna minimize the voices and the noises and all the things that you have to do and just bring you right here right now. Wow. That's so impactful because to me, we live in such a now society, right? So many things have to be done right now. And we're going to be reactionary. One of my favorite hacks, I can't say I came up with that. I just decided to start implementing. Don't know where I heard it from. It's my phone's on airplane mode, like 98% of my day. Like nobody gets to borrow space from me anymore, right? Like I have my schedule that I'm going to do for me and I'll get to you when I get to you. If you're important, you know how to get a hold of me. And a lot of people originally came off to me like, okay, that's egotistical, right? That's arrogant. But it's – I need to reclaim my own space and time, right? Because that's the one thing we can't get back. And it's so interesting to hear you say about grounding and reconnecting with the earth and taking off your shoes. Like, and when we share that, that's one of the greatest things to do at all when you fly, right? When you physically get above the earth, you're no longer grounded, literally.
Grounding & Recovery (15:32)
Like the negative ions in your body scientifically are not there any longer. You feel jet lag, get off the plane, go find a spot of grass, take your shoes off and stand there, sit down. Absolutely. I mean, it's crazy. It's just, it's so easy, but we make it so complicated. A hundred percent. So last night I did, I did the grounding practice and I was at a local cemetery here and it was just a way for on a Sunday. I was in a, in a, in a, in a medium state, like just thinking about all the things that I had to do and stuff was going on and I was like you know what I need I need to go and create the space and it's like adding you know creating the time to disconnect I like to live in and teach in two spectrums like high intense focus structure routine discipline airplane mode all of that stuff right and then a lot of white space on the other side to regenerate to recover to find clarity to focus, structure, routine, discipline, airplane mode, all of that stuff, right? And then a lot of white space on the other side to regenerate, to recover, to find clarity, to reflect, to think, to all of that stuff.
The Different Ways to Incorporate Focus (16:24)
But where do most people live and where have I lived in the past? Right in the middle. So you don't get the benefit to the focus and the real intense rigid structure of moving your life and business forward. And then you don't get the benefits of the breakthrough and the clarity that comes in the space. You're kind of just always in this in between. And I don't know about you, Ryan, but when I have those in between days and I'm scattered and I'm super busy and I'm nonstop on social, you know, my head hits the pillow and it just doesn't feel as good. I don't feel like I moved, like I grew myself, like I honored myself and the most important priorities of my life. And if to me, winning the day is making sure both sides of those spectrum are taken care of, then I'm taken care of because when I'm taken care of, that's when the highest probability of others getting taken care of is also true. Oh, I couldn't agree more. And Tommy, it sounds like you're almost referring to deep work, right? Like almost a microcosm of deep work on a day over day basis instead of large chunks of time, right? I actually think you, I know you were, almost referring to deep work right like almost a microcosm of deep work on a day-over-day basis instead of large chunks of time right i actually think you i know you were i don't have to say i think you posted the book deep work and i'm like all right i'm gonna buy that too so walk us through that the deep work principle that it sounds like you're adhering your life and and probably your clients too right none of this is just excluded just to yourself right this is open to everybody absolutely well ryan you know i, and this was self-preservation, right? I found that, you know, we could have, we could have a powerful vision that we're moving towards. We could have the belief, we could have the clarity, we could even have the systems and the people to get us there. But if we're lacking focus, it's not going to come to life. And in a world where we've never been so scattered and so distracted, focus isn't just a skill, it's our competitive advantage. And so, you know, when I came across Cal Newport's work, who wrote Deep Work, I'd already started in the principles of focus, but that shifted me. That laid out a thesis that said, listen, in a knowledge economy which we're in, and for me specifically in the thought leader expert economy, you know, most people are distracted. And so, if we can harness focus, not only will we produce high levels of results, but the research is clear about focus and fulfillment. And if you're aligned in your path and you know you're moving it forward every single day, you know focus is a tool to get you there and you know it's going to produce better results and you're going to feel more fulfilled, it's an absolute no-brainer.
Requiring Focus (18:37)
But guess what? Real life comes up and every single day we're being bombarded. And so we have to, just like you mentioned earlier, we have to protect our most precious resource, which is not money, it's time and energy, right? And so deep work is just the method to really cut out all the distractions, build the skill. This is not just like five minutes of work, check a text, check Facebook, go back to work. No, this is like putting yourself in a barricade. And for me in my office, I have these conference rooms, which are like little cells. And the phone has to be outside of that room because I know myself right especially running an online business like you do but here's what happens if you do this you start building you start shifting the addiction from stimulus from noise from Instagram to actually focused work and that's when you find creative outlets that you never knew existed that's when you find breakthroughs in your personal and business career that you never knew were there. So that's where deep work comes in. And for somebody out there who feels overwhelmed with the thought of this, start with 15 minutes a day and watch what happens. Well, I love that you keep touching base on that, right? There's call drink from the fire hose, call whatever you want to death by, by decision, right. So much of what we both, it sounds like, teach is a small incremental growth.
When Focus Means Motivation (20:06)
Change doesn't happen. The catalyst to change can come overnight, but massive change is a compounding effect, like by Darren Hardy. I love that book. Recommend it to everybody. It's what you do consistently for long enough that you look back over a period of time and you realize, wow, this actually worked. But in the moment, that 15 minutes feels over a period of time and you realize like wow this actually worked right but in the moment that 15 minutes feels nebulous right it doesn't even mean anything like that we've been we've been on this show for 30 plus minutes right it just time just escapes us but to be able to take those 15 minute increments and then build from there is so impactful and so powerful with with that tommy let's talk about breathing for a second because you're also one of those ones that your breath work and what you do and what you focus on and you probably i know you know things that i can't even begin to understand as it pertains to breathing i'm going to just ask selfishly for a deep download on all the breathing stuff that you do and that you know about and where it came from and like this is this is 100% for me no I love it man and you're such a great student your audience is so lucky you have such great questions around it so they can they can take the wisdom and they can also implement it into their
Deep Breathing & So Much More (20:55)
lives and so we have the greatest free tool that's available at our disposal every single day and it's the breath right and obviously if we all know that but we forget and so many of us just don't use it with intention we don't use it to put us in the present and get us grounded and to release all of the noise and all of the anxiety and so for me there's so many different types of practices you know I've done such intense breath work here in Sedona Arizona where I go to a psychedelic place not on any chemicals just on the breath and if I told you the experiences that I had you think I was out of my mind or on some type of psychedelic because they're so out there literally flying through the universe and really having spiritual downloads like you know Facing my own mortality and all that stuff and so that's like one side of it And then there's the stuff that you and I can do day to day Right just like a few intentional breaths were sitting in traffic Right a few intentional breaths from were having an argument their spouse or boyfriend girlfriend anything in between right? Just like a few intentional breaths when we're sitting in traffic, right? A few intentional breaths when we're having an argument with our spouse or boyfriend, girlfriend, anything in between, right? Using that and cultivating and building that skill. And so, you know, a lot of the stuff that we're talking about, a lot of these tools to me are just skills, right? And so breathing, like who really taught us how to breathe intentionally? Like nobody, right? So pick one method. There's box breathing. There's all types of fire breathing. Pick one method and implement that into your routine and do it for, you know, 90 days and see what that does for you. Because to me, I can shift my state. You know, when I'm in a low state or scarcity state, or I got an email that I didn't like, or had an argument with somebody Breathing is the number one tool to get me right back on track to focus on what matters what I can control Relieve the BS and then move forward with clarity Well, I love that I got I got a lean in the psychedelic part because you know I've been reading studies so in-depth now that the lungs actually have the capability of producing DMT I've been reading studies so in depth now that the lungs actually have the capability of producing DMT. And the breath work that you're doing, this isn't some, as you're listening, this isn't some like, oh, sure, right, it's got to be, it's because Tommy knows more. No, like it's scientifically proven. My brain always works in the duality of experiential life and then can I back it up with science or was it a fluke? Yes. And what you're sharing is factual. So can you walk us through what that sort of breathing, obviously we probably don't have four hours for you to physically do the exercise, but what was that breathing? What did it consist of to get that response from you? Absolutely. So there's, there's a very highly skilled facilitator who, you know, is trained in teaching breath work.
Psychedelic Rock (23:40)
And the times that I've done it, I did I did one with my fiancee Taylor that was a private and the rest were in group settings I've done six of them now and it's for 90 minutes you're breathing more intensely than than you ever have and there's this beautiful moments you know about the 15 minute marks and 10 20 minute where you truly let go and you surrender to the process and in that place the the intense physiological changes leads you lead you to a spiritual place and lead you to some type of release now sometimes you might just have been a huge emotional release or sometimes you might have an experience like I had which was you know really visual intense visuals seeing the most important people in my life, visualizing my own death and coming to complete acceptance with my own death, which to me is like such a big breakthrough. But it's, and then there's a closure to the ceremony and then there's an integration process. But if you're interested in making it happen, to me, the reason why it's so powerful is because you don't need to rely on some type of chemical or psychedelic, nothing wrong with that. But it's just through breathing, we can get to a place of such extreme clarity. We can forgive the people in our life. We can forgive ourselves. We can remember what's important. And then we can have a download, like a real powerful breakthrough that we can carry with us for the rest of our lives. I'll never forget those sessions and it's why I keep coming back to them. So highly recommend if you can find a skilled person in breath work, go, surrender and watch what happens. Like you do that, your meditations, all the other practices that you do are gonna be amplified times 10. So Tommy, was there a name or is there a practitioner? Is there a type of breathing that he's teaching? Is there something that we can research to go find ourselves? I mean, even in our own cities, is there a name or is there a practitioner? Is there a type of breathing that he's teaching? Is there something that we can research to go find ourselves? I mean, even in our own cities, is there a methodology behind it? Yeah, if you do search like your city and maybe, you know, breath work, I don't know what the exact name is. If you happen to be local in Arizona or come here, there's a great person in Sedona. She's what I consider my spiritual guidance. Her name is Anahata Ananda. Great person. She's been on Aubrey Marcus's podcast and does a lot of work with him and the people on it. So she's fantastic, but maybe research her and then try to find somebody in your city or where you are who has experience with breathwork. Highly, highly recommended. Love it. Love it. But as we touch base on psychedelics, since our first conversation, I finally have at least went down the rabbit hole of, we'll say, mushrooms, right? Like I've dipped my toes into that water more than a handful of times, right? And had my own level of experience and have been floating with it, right? I've been taking a three-hour float session and using the power of alcohol plant medicine to have many of the same, I can't say many of the same experiences, right? Because they're all unique to us. But the understanding of death and the release of fear of it, right?
Coaching And Personal Transformation
Psychedelic/ Plant-Based Work (26:32)
Facing your mortality, facing what we can call an ego death, right? There's all these terms that you hear or that I hear thrown around. But just the beauty that exists from realizing the infinite nature that is us. Yes. And seeing, I guess what I'm leaning into you is, how far have you went down that rabbit hole? Is there a way we can compare the two? Is there something, is this off limits? I didn't even prep you for this before the show to know if you're okay talking about psychedelics or not. But for me, it's commonplace. to know if you're okay talking about psychedelics or not. But for me, it's commonplace, right? We see clinical studies now that MDMA is now in round three of national acceptance for treating PTSD and relationship issues, right? Like this is, we're on the precipice, like Oregon's almost legalizing psilocybin, right? We're at this beautiful time to live when you understand what the plant-based medicine can do. But is that something you adhere to and is this something you've experienced? Yeah. So I haven't gone deep down in the psychedelic realm in terms of using these amazing plants. It's something that I do feel ready for. Like for me, I feel my spiritual path has been getting to a place where I actually feel ready for it. And ready, you could be ready if you've never done any of these practices but for me I wanted to honor the process of what of what the other practices can teach because really they get you to a very similar place there's obviously a degree and nuance within each of them and there's I think Aubrey calls it the bridge to get to the other side so the bridge that you take can look very very different but the other side is actually gonna feel very similar now obviously there's different levels of intensities right but ultimately what you're gonna get is very very similar so I wanted to go the route of like okay I have this breath how can I master a thing that I already have that is free that I don't need to necessarily go to Peru for and and and really own it to the to the best of my abilities and so for me I'm personally right now in the process of being open to a deeper experience with the right person the right facilitator to keep going down the journey it's just an evolution right and I love what you said yes it's becoming so much more mainstream in commonplace because we're having conversations like this and not being afraid to have conversations like this and there's no dogma and there's no stigma and it's like if the intention is pure if you're in this for self-discovery and if you discover something about yourself then guess what you're gonna show up differently in the world right you're gonna cause less hurt only hurt that happens is an ability to understand our emotions right and so all of these practices lead for a better life and that means the people around us are going to benefit as well. So Tommy, have you and Taylor heard of Rhythmia before down in Costa Rica? Have you heard of the resort Rhythmia? Yeah. My buddy, Josh Trent from Wellness Force talked about it and a couple other people have posted about it. I have heard about it. So Lindsay and I are fortunate enough to be friends with Brandy and Gerald, the founders. Oh, yes. We're heading down for a week of experiential medicine in Costa Rica at a five-star resort. I mean, I would love to share the information with you and Taylor and see if it lines up timetable-wise.
Rythmia sessions in Costa Rica (29:31)
Totally. We've actually – I have looked at their place since Josh told me about it, and that sounds unbelievable, man. Yeah. Plus, I'm obsessed with Costa sounds unbelievable, man. Yeah. I love that. That's with Costa Rica. So exactly. So Tommy, you just had, maybe not just, but you've shifted your practice a little bit from one-on-one clients, which is where I was at, you know, have been, and still have plenty of one-on-one clients. And you've started pushing more towards group sessions over an intense day, day and a half, really some deep, deep, deep dive work that you're able to do. When's the next session that you have coming up and how can somebody potentially get lined up with that? Right. I think that it's unique, right? We're both coaches and there's this crazy thing in our industry and I, I'll just be crass. I fucking hate it. You're an incredible transformational man with an incredible gift. If you're listening and you are connecting with something that's coming out of Tommy's mouth, the frequency of his words are vibrating inside of you, reach out to him because he's going to change your life. He's changed my life without me going through his courses by the nature of what he puts out into the world and so call it a plug call it whatever like a third of my guests have been coaches because they're freaking badasses right like when you're not having people come to town to you know play tiddlywinks like you're changing 10 to 18 people's lives a month in a deep dive session right absolutely and and thank you for that. I love the mindset because it's a mindset anybody listening can adopt in their own industry.
Who are you here to serve? Is Your Coach Ready? What To Look For (31:09)
We're so used to comparison. We're so used to, oh, if Ryan's got 34 clients, well, then what does that say about me? And in any industry, there's this type of comparison that just doesn't work out well. And what's awesome about you is that I know that you're in this for the right reasons and you're in this for the long game. And that's the same thing that I'm here for. Like as coaches, you can get into a place of ego thinking that like there's, there's a, there's amount of praise that's, that's given to us, right? Like all the time and validation. And it's like, one of the reasons that I'm so invested in these spiritual practices is to remember, right. That it has nothing to do with me. You and I are just facilitators. We're just guides, right? I could send somebody to you and the end result can be very similar. And maybe they need to hear it from you and not from me. And so very important to have that mindset with anything you're doing because nothing will kill your clarity and your certainty and your ability to create results than having a scarcity mindset around what you do. So that's number one. And then number two is I do have a mastermind group experience and then I have some one day intensives that happen monthly or every other month here in Scottsdale, Arizona, if that's something that you're interested in. Right now I'm so deep in bringing this last creative process to life that the schedule is going to be a little crazy. But if this connected, just come over to resistaverageacademy.com. We'll have a conversation. We'll see where you are, really authentically where you are. And if my program is not a fit, guess what? I got, I got, just like you said, I'm constantly referring, referring people to other coaches to who I believe are going to be in alignment because you want to be in a place of complete alignment and you'll know you found the person when you just feel connected with them right when i saw anahata she's a spiritual coach of mine when i heard her on a podcast within 15 seconds i said i have to meet this woman and i have to work with her and that's the same thing with coaches you don't need to do yeah do your research but you'll know it's the right person for your path just by the way it feels oh absolutely i mean i have a steadfast rule there's no hard closing conversations right you and i have both been a part of different experiences i know that we've shared in common where some of the closing conversations are very intensive right like it's sign up sign up sign up and i get that right there's a time and a place for everything and i honor what i what i've been through and what that taught me.
Coaching For Real Transformation (32:59)
But it sounds like we think the same way where I have an impactful conversation with a potential client. And it either lines up based off of what we share on the phone or it doesn't. And it either turns into now is the right time or not the right time. And if it is the right time, we talk about how we could work into each other's lives financially, because there has to be an exchange of energy and money is just energy, right? Because I'm going to pour a ton of energy into you. But there's not this thing of like beating you over the head where, okay, we spent an hour on the phone. Now here's the, I'm dropping the hammer on you, right? This is not high ticket coaching. Yeah. And that's what alignment and integrity and all those things are about. Now, for me, and I know being on the other side, when I connect with people, the biggest objection is very rarely going to be any… It's always going to stem usually from one place, if they're the right fit and all that stuff. And it's going to stem from this place. It's going to stem from their the in their ability to show up and follow through on what you have to offer and so I do believe there has to be some sense of urgency if it's the right fit in a coaching relationship because I know personally that if I have somebody on the other line and I'm connected to them and they're in alignment and I know we could transformative results if they don't hop in at that moment you know they may they may use those finances to buy a leather jacket they may go to a Cancun vacation maybe they don't have a conversation with any other coach and so I like to create the container I was like this is this can be your time if you're ready really three things ready open and willing right and if those if that makes sense then this could be the one decision that transforms your life because you and I know Ryan being on the other side coaching has and that's why we love what we do it it has the power you know I always tell my clients I can see your vision clearer than you can see it right I can also see your blind
The Ultimate Goal of Coaching Is To See Your Clients Succeed On Their Own (35:21)
spots clearer than you can see them does that mean you need me no because I want to work with people I want to create people who don't need me but to rise to a place of their own inner power where they say I want you on this ride with me because we're going and we're going to this incredible place um so i wanted to share those at some some best practices because i have i have been part of experiences that weren't a fit for me and that people were using these techniques that didn't feel right to me right and there's one thing that you can't break in a coaching relationship, and that's trust. Because once you don't have trust, the whole thing starts to collapse. I mean, there's no more eloquent way to state it than you just did. I just rambled about coaching. No, no, I love that because there's another friend of ours, Cody Jefferson, the three of us together, and not necessarily together, but we can say together, right? There's this aura. There's this thing that to me encompasses what coaching is, right? Like you aren't inherently flawed or broken. There's nothing wrong with you. You don't have to be – your life doesn't have to be like on fire burning to the ground. Like you don't have to be in a pile of ashes to then seek out a coach. Like the same thing, psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, whatever terms you want to use, right? The societal dogma is the fact that you only go see those people when something's wrong with you. But that couldn't be further from the truth when you have someone in your corner. Like I laughingly say like I'm the guy that when there's tough stuff coming up, I put my arm on your shoulder and say it's going to be okay, but you got to go first. Right? And then you're like, well, it's really dark in the room. I'm like, yeah, I got my own flashlight. We got to find yours. Like, I can't give you mine. My flashlight's my flashlight. You got it. We'll find yours together. We'll keep searching around the room till we get it. And it's just seeing how, how different the mindsets are across coaches and right. There's plenty of people on social media that are incredibly charismatic that have a big boisterous personality and want to oversimplify things. And my personal opinion, Tommy, and I'd love your feedback on this, as we are locked in some childhood trauma, the majority of us that we've never dealt with and never pushed through, that happened sometime in our developmental ages, that then has created this feedback loop of consistency that we don't even know is present. Then until we, I don't care how much you want your business to be successful, we can make your business work, right?
False Beliefs That A Handful Lacks Real Interpersonal Connection (37:35)
Just by accountability and having somebody else see the game of life different than you see it, your business is going to be fine. Yes. What's not fine is the fact of you're not making time for yourself. You're not going to the gym. You're not eating the right way. You're not honoring your family. You're not honoring yourself, right? And you're not doing that most likely because you don't even know how to because you were never shown at a base level what that even means or how it feels. And you think success is grinding and working 18 hours when your fucking family doesn't care. You're working 18 hours. They care that you're home with them. They care that you're pouring into them. They care that they feel loved by you. Like it. Am I as my as my high horse riding side by side with yours right now, Tommy, or am I going out in the front solo 100% man and that's why that's why we connect because you know there's no amount of distractions or financial gain or successful wins you could create that's gonna fill a void of not doing the inner work right and effacing ourselves and guess what facing yourselves is a is a daily process and it never ends I remember when my sister gifted me the book, Way of Superior Man, I was 21 years old, had no idea what it said. Five years later, when I reread it again, I open up first page and it says, there's no completion.
Finding Clarity And Purpose
Way of the Superior Man (38:43)
Some of the fact that the reason for your suffering is thinking that it's going to end one day. And I remember reading that and for 10 minutes, I was depressed. And then I remembered that that's actually a beautiful gift because we're growing and we're changing at every single moment. The last time we had this conversation, man, we're not the same people. We've different, we've grown, we've grown mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, right? And so the audience in that time. And so it's a constant reminder, if we can look at it as that, like, what a beautiful ride that we get to experience, right? That the inner work, that the outer results become a representation of the inner work that we're creating. But the most important part is that they don't become us, they don't own us, we don't become slaves to some societal metric. And that to me is the place where you really create powerful abundant results. You don't need it, you're detached from it. And because of that detachment, you can show up much more powerfully just like you said I we can show I can show up at a client conversation and in the back of my head I'm not thinking oh my god how bad do I need this I need this five thousand dollars whatever it is it's like no I'm gonna pour into you I'm gonna be so present I prepare for weeks in advance of my sessions just to be present in the moment and and you know and same thing with this podcast like what does one person out there need to hear and how can I and Ryan create that conversation that's exactly what it's about so you know the ultimate failure is neglecting the inner work thinking that you're going to get a shortcut by getting some type of trophy and when you get there waking up and feeling even more hollow because you thought that was going to fill a void that you just can't fill yeah and you touch based on intentionality right we just kind of i don't say skipped over to brushed over but it's something that we live each day with that i think is very far outside the norm right there's there's never a day that goes by that i don't set at least three intentions for not only the day but the week and the month and the quarter right that intentionality of knowing why i do what i do in the moment, not even as much as like you said, Tommy, for this podcast, what's the desired outcome? What am I showing up as? What research have I done? Why does it matter? What's, you know, the other six appointments I have today, what are those all align with? Why are they important? Why am I, how am I adding value? And that's, that to me, that intentional, consistent running in the background of how am I going to add value to this person's life? Not, you know, being a fountain, not a drain. It's so, so often in society to me that like, what's in it for me? Like, what am I going to get out of talking to Tommy today? I don't know if the fact I share time, space and energy with an incredible man, I guess, I guess that's what I'm getting. Right. But it's not about that. It's what can I give? And I love the fact that you're, you're touching base on that do you have any intentionality i couldn't just say hacks but practices do you have things that you help people with intentionality with yeah and to me i just you know every single day it's like i i help people and it's a practice of reminding ourselves of our north star vision where we're going and why it's important and i love the north north star because it doesn't move in the sky.
Intention: Laugh of all the things lined up (41:24)
It's always in the same place relative to where you are. And so you can have you can have you're going to have darkness, you're gonna have clouds, you're gonna have storms, but the North Star is going to be your guiding light. And so in terms of intention, when you know where you're going, you can just reverse engineer right? I'm looking at my, my day right now. And one of the questions that asked for my day is who needs me on my A game? And guess who came up? You did in your audience, right? And so I know like this is not about me. It starts with me but it's not about me, right? And so when we can really embody that authentically, right? Then everything changes because if I wrote all the people I have to show at PowerFleet today, you, my next guest, Craig Braden, Taylor, all of these people. And so what a selfish act if I choose to play small, if I don't live with intention, because guess what? I'm not the only person who's going to deal with those consequences. So is everybody else that I touched in that day. And so intentionality to me is really about driving that point home that I just said, like being so aware and coming from a place of service. And it sounds so cliche. And for the longest time, I didn't understand this rhyme because I was living in scarcity. Right. And I would say, I'm going to, I'll, I'll start with service when I get some financial condition. Right. But it's actually the complete reverse. If you start with service, then you get the financial results and all the other fruit that you're looking for. If you start with service, then you get the financial results and all the other fruit that you're looking for. Well, yeah. I adhere to something that I refer to as what I'm seeking is also seeking me. I believe what I'm energetically in search of from the universe is inherently coming towards me as long as I stay open to it and live with intentionality. And you were the shining example of this. As my listeners may know, they don't know all the backstory. And we covered this on our last interview, but I'll breeze through it as though we didn't. So Tommy and I first met each other face to face at a Wake Up Warrior event in Laguna Beach, give or take it. It might have been Warrior Con 2. It doesn't matter the name of the summit itself. Tommy would be someone that in that group, I would have called an OG, right? He'd been through a lot. He'd been through many evolutions. So as we're, as a group of men, at that point, we were brought outside in a dew filled grass of, you know, Southern California morning to do what they refer to as PT.
Finding our clear path (43:41)
Now this PT at this point, I'm 290 pounds. I probably literally injected testosterone, Tremblone, acetate, and equipoise before leaving my hotel room so I could show up as more of who I thought I needed to be inside this PT session. It's myself and maybe 200 other men. And the lead trainer calls Tommy out to warm everybody up. And Tommy, when you go to his Facebook page or when you go to social media and you see who Tommy is, he's incredibly in shape. He's fit. He's physically active. He used to own a gym, right? I mean you've had a long track record of success inside the fitness industry. And so he goes through what I think he thought was a very easy, simple warm-up, right? Like this is nothing that would be – for the man I am today, it would not be groundbreaking. But at that point, I was out of breath. I couldn't move. My knees hurt. My ankles hurt. My chest was pounding. I literally was pretty convinced I was going to keel over and have a heart attack right there in front of the other 199 men. And we proceeded to go through some more what we call evolutions and back and forth and some circuit training. And Tommy's leading some of that. And it was that exact experience in California that when I got back up to my hotel room, dripping with sweat, gasping for air, face looking much more bright than a red ripe tomato, where I call my wife and say, go inside our bathroom and any bit of anabolics that I have, bathroom and any bit of anabolics that I have, throw them away. I'm done. It's over. And it's over because I knew somewhere in my soul prior to meeting Tommy that I didn't want to be a professional bodybuilder, right? That was a story. That was a shell. That was a farce. That was based off insecurity and creating a shell of muscle because I thought it would validate who I needed to become so then I could quote unquote finally be someone. And going through this shift with Tommy, when he admittedly, I would bet other than being kind with 199 other men there, and I'm making up the number, but I'm going to go with it because it sounds official. I would bet that he didn't actively remember me in that environment, we didn't know each other yet, but that single shift was one of the greatest shifts in my physical evolution that has ever existed. And I have to say thank you for that because had you not been there in that moment, knowing that I was seeking that at some base level, like all those pillars had to line up the right way for you to lead the PT, for us to end up in those evolutions, for me to stop taking steroids, for me to be here right now was all based off of that. And I'm just, I'm honored. I have to say thank you because the most incredible story to now sit across from you is, um, I guess up here really right. We're at the same industry. I feel like I can say up here at this point and feel comfortable and confident with it where it's just, it's just truly incredible to me. So just thank you, Tommy. I appreciate you. And, and Ryan, that's, that's incredible story. And, uh, I wrote some things down, but that's so incredible and I love your openness and your and your rawness about your story it's so powerful it's such a powerful example for other men and women who are listening what I wrote down was that you you followed a very powerful path you had whispers for a very long I don't know how long but for a while that those weren't right for you right and but but something else was was something else was winning that battle but so I don't know how long, but for a while that those weren't right for you. Right. And, but, but something else was, was, was something else was winning that battle.
Following the whispers (47:04)
But so number one is these whispers. And I, and these are the whispers that we all have about a job that we, that is no longer for us, a relationship that has expired, a city that we live in a way of being a habit, some type of destructive habit that we're doing. We know it's not. So number one whispers to, you had a breakthrough that day, just from the physicality from that piece and i'm honored that i was able to facilitate that so you had whispers you had a breakthrough you got clarity that it was done like it was time that it was over but then you follow that up with integration and this is the model of really behavioral change it's like the inner knowing that we know something has to change. We have that moment of clarity. The breakthrough can come from an on our knees moment. It could come at the top of the mountain. It could come at an event, a personal development event with a coach, right? So now we have the clarity. We know with crystal clear clarity in our hearts, what we need to do for you is to give up steroids, right? But even then that's not enough because it's so easy to come back home and you're in your same environment and neural networks are firing. And it's like, this is's so easy to come back home and you're in your same environment The neural networks are firing and it's like this is where I used to do it in the bathroom And this is where I used to keep it. Okay. Let me go order more, right and Then you finished with integration and that's the last step of whether you're just committed Whether you're just interested in something or you're committed to change is whether you're willing to integrate man So I wanted to share that with you because somebody listening, you also have these same moments. The question is, will you honor the clarity that you receive? And most importantly, will you honor the clarity of the wisdom that comes to us in whispers in the silent moments of life when we're unplugged and the truth can come in?
Unplugging to find our clarity (48:29)
And if you can, that's how you radically transform your life, just like you did. Tommy, I appreciate such a beautiful way to break down that whole process because, as you stated, that's applicable to every person that's listening to this right now. We all have that exact thing, right? I get it. Yours probably is an anabolic steroid. It's like, that's okay. Maybe it's smoking. Maybe it's drinking. Maybe it's infidelity. Maybe it's job. Maybe it's environment, right? Just like Tommy said, there's all these check marks. But it's standing up and doing something about it, right? Like massive change requires massive change. And as cliche as that sounds, it was not comfortable for me to realize, like in my mind, there were all these stories of I was going to be less than, which was an old operating system from when I was young that I was never going to be good enough. So when I come home and I see my body, I can't really call it deteriorating, it's getting healthy, but going from 295 pounds and identifying as this massive person, and I guess a 265, I'm still probably generally considered big, but it was a whole different reframe on what I was capable of, what I was destined for. That message that I now beat as a drum and a badge of honor that I share openly, like, yes, I did these things. You don't have to continue down that path, right? There's going to come a point where you realize it doesn't serve you and it's not comfortable to change, right? Because on the backside, I then share very openly that by that December, I think that event was September, October, if I remember. By the middle of that December, I mean, I feel like just like yourself, Tommy, I believe Taylor's still your fiance, but the gorgeous wife and we have incredible connection, great relationship, but my sexual function went to zero, right? Like there were massive ramifications after 12 years of anabolic use and just stopping cold Turkey. Like my body had no clue what was going on, trying to recalibrate and figure out like it's not all sunshine and roses, but pushing through that pain. The biggest gifts are always on the backside of the biggest pain, right?
Effective takeaway (50:26)
We just stop. It's like that fear of what has happened before, Joe Dispenza, right? Being defined of a memory of your past versus a vision of your future, right? We're defined by the pain that had happened before that we stopped and we let the pain win instead of like, no, I'm still just not gonna order anything. I don't need this stuff. And then eventually sex drive comes back and here we are happily married, Right. She didn't tell me to go pound salt cause we weren't even engaged then I don't think, but yeah, it's really incredible just to, to hear you reframe that situation. And that's, and that's a Testament and for anybody else out there. And it really, it's the same thing. If you're looking to change something, it's very tiny in your life to something massive. It's the same ingredients. So you're going to go through the valley of darkness. You're going to go through the dark cave that Joseph Campbell calls the hero's journey, right? Where you're going to face yourself. And that's the wrestling of literally you're wrestling between who you've been and who you say you want to become. And that's very uncomfortable. It's the metamorphosis. It's the caterpillar turning into a butterfly. It's like, that's when it's very easy to retreat and run back to the comfort. But if you stay committed on the path and you're able to dig into that darkness, dig into that discomfort, there's another world waiting for you on the other side. And the most beautiful part about it is that your imagination of what that world looks like doesn't hold a candle to what it could be if you continue to use faith, trust, and resilience on your path i love it so tommy if there was one impactful takeaway that you would share as a gift to the audience from our time together today from how they could alter the course of their life something they could do and take away with what would that what would that be yeah it'd be that there's something based on the conversation that we just had, that there's something in your life right now that you know has needed to change, that you've had whispers about, and that you've put it off. And maybe it's something very small and seemingly insignificant, keywords seemingly, or maybe it's something medium-sized or something massive.
Bohle exploitable advice (52:02)
And based on this conversation, my intention is that Ryan and I gave you permission to get honest about what that was and to actually step into it and understand that we've got your back here, but most importantly, through that process, you're going to have your own back and to lean into it. And so my encouragement for you is to identify what that is and make today, if you made it through the hour that this conversation has been happening, make today the day that it changes. Don't do it tomorrow morning. Don't do it a month from now. Make it today and watch what happens. Tommy, that's such a beautiful way to wrap up the show. I appreciate your wisdom, your gift, your knowledge, and just having you in my life, my friend. It's truly an honor. I sincerely appreciate you. It means the world, man. Thank you so much for having me on. Keep changing lives and your consistency with your content. It was amazing to go back into your podcast and see every single day. I run a podcast. I know how hard something like that is and I don't do daily shows, but I know how difficult it is and to show up every single day and create, that's a massive, massive testament to who you are. Thanks, Tommy. I appreciate it. Thank you, brother.