Episode 297 - Change Doesn’t Happen By Saying No | Say Yes For Success | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 297 - Change Doesn’t Happen By Saying No | Say Yes For Success".
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This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Nidale, and today's episode is Change Doesn't Happen by Saying No. Change doesn't happen by saying no. I'm going to share with you today a lesson from a gentleman named Will that had a conversation with me about coming to my event here in Columbus that I thought was just one of the most impactful things I've shared with you throughout the course of this show, almost 300 episodes worth, the various things I've invested time, energy, effort, and money into. Things like Gary J. White's Warrior Week, things like Tony Robbins, Robbins and Demodowsky training, some of his events, some of his workshops, obviously all of the books, stuff with Dr. Shefali and the Sacred Heart Retreat. The list goes on and on. The Human Upgrade Institute, really the bulletproof training stuff I'm going through now, the certification with the International Coaching Federation. I've shared all this very openly. Plus, I've read at least a book a week for the past 58 or 59 weeks, probably more than that now. So I could share the list of those as well. I share that openly because those are all things that have created the version of me that shows up today. The way that you hear my words and how they have progressed over the 300 episodes are a few things. It's new stimulus. I'm always subjecting myself to new training. A few things. It's new stimulus. I'm always subjecting myself to new training. I always have coaches. Boxing coaches. Podcast coaches. Life coaches. Business coaches. I believe that coaching is an imperative part of how you can optimize your life, hence the life optimization group. I share these pieces in parts because they matter as it pertains to the event that I'm throwing in March. Now, bear with me. This is not to sell you on the event. You'll know it's going to speak to you right here. I'm touching myself in the middle of chest. It's going to speak to your heart that there's some part of you that wants to be a part of this because what I've designed and developed is pieces and parts of everything I've ever been through. And I've timed them out so specifically that I went from, call it, you know, phase to phase to phase of this event that is not hotel bound, right? We're staying in a five-star hotel here in Columbus. We're eating five-star meals, all the fun stuff. It's a very tight, intimate group. Only 14 people at the most. But I'm eliminating the variables that could exist. I'm doing that because I know the impact that I can make in three and a half days. I know what the 21-day lead-up into the event for the deep dive work will do. Coupled with the three and a half day event, your life will change if you show up. But showing up doesn't mean playing half-ass like you might be playing the rest of your life. It means going all the way in. It means playing for keeps. It means changing the trajectory of your life from where you're at now to where you ultimately want to arrive to. These are things that make most people uncomfortable. Change is scary. And from that standpoint of change being scary, there's part of you that is saying, yes, I would love to do something like that, but I can't because. So you're essentially saying, no, I get it.
Personal Journey And Insights
But today I was fortunate enough to have a conversation with a gentleman named Will. Will's an incredible man, and I'm not going to get into all of his background and history. But Will, just like so many of us are, has things he wants to overcome. He's had a marriage or so that didn't work out the way he planned, changes in careers, changes in locations, right? He's got his things that he says very openly and candidly on our phone call, Ryan, when it gets right down to it, I just feel like I'm stuck. I know I am capable of doing more, and this is the catalyst I need to elicit change. And then he says to me, in his words, change never happens by saying no. And I stop him. I say, well, I've sold for a living. I know sales tactics. You're selling me on that statement. I say, well, I've sold for a living. I know sales tactics. You're selling me on that statement. I'm going to write this down. I'm going to literally record a podcast on it today. So here I sit. And here I sit because all the lead up, all the things I shared with you about what will make this event special, what makes me 100% certain I can help any person as it pertains to coaching, is because I stopped saying no. You see, when it came to pull out my wallet, when I didn't have much of any money, when I had to sit down with my wife, sit across from her and say, hey, I would really like to invest $497 in some Tony Robbins stuff. What do you think? Knowing that I didn't have much of any money left, might have had $1,000 or $2,000 left. And having to convince her, right? Even internally having to convince myself because I knew somewhere inside, like, man, it's much easier just to say no. It's easier to stay constricted. Like I don't know where the next paycheck is going to come from. I only make so much money. Why am I going to do this? It doesn't make any sense to me. And so we went back and forth, and she said, I don't think you should do it. And I listened. Now, I'm having this conversation with her in mid-November, three years ago now.
But I Still Had 'Expect Nothing' (06:18)
And I was frustrated because my heart was telling me, yes, you need this, Ryan. For whatever reason, you're called to, you're compelled to, you need this thing, you should go after it. But my head, realizing that there was an additional abundance of money floating around, was saying like, no, no, no, stop. And then when my wife says no stop, that's all there was to it. I don't know if you're married or not, or if you have a significant other, a boyfriend or girlfriend who you value, but in our household, especially at that point in time when I had done such a poor job of managing my personal finances, when my girlfriend at that point says no, the answer is no. What I didn't realize at that time is the answer was only no because she was struggling with things to buy me for Christmas. And I had finally given her the one thing that I actually wanted. You see, this idea of constriction and the fact that because I had been used to now not having, I then expected nothing. I understand you might be saying like, well, you shouldn't expect anything. I would beg to differ with that frame of mind, that perspective. You see, I expect the world to provide for me because I am providing to the world. That's not why I do it. It's the byproduct. We call it the universe. We'll call it God.
The Power of Bullshitting When Asked It (08:03)
It doesn't matter what deity you want to look to. What matters is the fact of, I believe at this point in life, if I'm willing to show up for myself in the best form of myself of your day, that I'm going to get that back in spades at some point along the journey. It might not be when I wanted it to happen, but it will happen eventually. And so all the construction I'd went through led into the fact of when she would ask me what I wanted for Christmas because Lindsay had cash at that point. She had a good paying job as a veterinary nurse professional, specialized nurse.
Christmas with Lindsey (08:37)
She had some money set aside from her divorce. as a nurse. She had some money set aside from her divorce. There were things that she had. She had a higher net worth and a higher level of liquidity than I had by multiple, multiple times over. And so I felt guilty. I felt shameful. I wasn't giving her any ideas. And so when I finally gave her the idea, she had to tell me no so she could surprise me with something. I remember the feeling of like, man, this is just another sign that I'm never going to get out.
My journey (09:10)
I'm never going to make it. I've lost my mojo. I used to be a producer. I used to be a provider. And it's just gone because of all the bad decisions I'd made. to be a provider and it's just gone because of all the bad decisions I'd made. Her saying no to me was just another domino that was following to knock me down another step. But it couldn't have been further from the truth. So I remember sitting down on the couch in our living room Christmas morning and having Gianna be blessed with all these gifts, right? And all the stuff that we had strategized on how to get her and all the things that she wanted. And she was so happy. And at some point during the evolution of opening gifts, Lindsay asked Gianna to bring me over this box. And I opened this box and there's Tony Robbins water bottles and training CDs and books and name it. It's all there. It also had a coupon in it for five coaching sessions. And I don't even know how I responded because I was in awe of the fact that what I had been searching for was right in front of me. And so I started going to work with just that tool. That was a tool that I had in front of me. That was what I could see and grab onto. That in so many ways was a catalyst for what you see in front of you now. What you're listening to through your headphones or speakers started with that. But that started opening Pandora's box for me. And after speaking to the coaches and understanding what else is out there and seeing how many levels there are to the personal development as a whole, from going through and taking that risk, from our family investing, that's, again, in my opinion now, meager dollar amount to better my mindset. Back then, we weren't talking about necessarily spirituality and a business component. We were talking about fitness.
We're talking about the mental capacity that I had at that moment that this started to better that. This started to make me feel more whole as a person. This started to give me back that mojo to prove to myself that I was worth it, that I could have what I wanted. And so then as more and more doors became present on this journey of life, I wasn't afraid to open the door handle, to reach out and grab it and twist, which along the way required me to stop saying no. When there's an opportunity to do additional training with the Robbins and Madowsky Institute, I say yes and pay. When there's additional opportunities to do things like the Human Upgrade Institute inside of Bulletproof, get an ICF master accreditation? I say yes. I say yes because I started to realize myself that change never comes along by saying no. Because the conscious mind, the rewiring that would have to take place only can come from saying yes, right?
Youre not alone (12:18)
Your mind has been wired to keep you safe. I promise you. And part of keeping you safe is as you look back over the history of your life up until this moment, the times that you've made decisions that haven't ended up favorably are stopping you from making a comparable decision. You're letting a vision of your past dictate the possibility of your future. You're not alone in that. We all do it until we're aware that it's happening. See, once we bring awareness to an issue, it becomes ours to decide do we want to keep it or not. Is it serving us or does it not? It's a level of awareness that we bring to the table. Awareness comes from finally owning the facts of your situation. Awareness comes from peeling back the facts of the situation and getting down to the root causes. If you're overweight, anybody can look at you and say, you're overweight. What are you eating bad food or you're not sleeping enough or you're not going to the gym. Okay, just fix those three variables. If you do those three things, you'll change your life. There's some truth in that. If you're sedentary, you need to probably move some. If you're eating bad foods and fried foods, I would encourage you to slowly wean off of that and work to more holistic plans, things from the earth. But what I'm curious about from where I sit and where I teach and what speaks to me is where did that start? What belief pattern, what system was created at some point in your life that was ingrained in your psyche that's making you think and operate that way now? Because you're not happy with how you look and feel. I know you're not. with how you look and feel. I know you're not. But anytime you've tried to make a change, it hasn't stuck for whatever the reason. We figure out that reason. We figure out that reason and we reframe that reason. We do painful work. It's not fun. It's not intentionally miserable. I'm not here to pad my ego and make you cry or feel poorly. What I am here to do is to know that when we go through what we go through, that you're safe and protected and your secrets are honored with me. And from that place of safety and protection and love and honor, appreciation, the vulnerability can come out and you can share the things that you haven't shared before. We can get to the base level of what I'll call your truth. Because when we start to remold that version of the story, when we find peace, power, and productivity, production in that original instance, it changes the trajectory of what's possible going forward. But it takes saying yes to make that happen. You see the event, if I were to spin around the cameras in the studio and show a blackboard in the office, I literally have for the event here in March, itemized out every day, every minute, every piece of the equation.
I have a plan for Avatars (15:08)
Things that we're going to eat, where it's going to come from, how it's going to get there Where photographers have to stand where videographers have to be? How many people are in the car what what every piece and part is all orchestrated to the finite detail to pull off this event? this Process in a way that will leave your life unrecognizable to the person you were when you showed up. So much so that we're going to take a picture when you show up, just as you show up, show up as you are. And we will take a picture when you conclude your experience. The clarity in your eyes will be different, your stance will be different, your confidence will be different, and you will have been through things that will bond you for an eternity to the people you went through them with.
Your Confidence Will Be Different (16:01)
How do I know? Because I've said yes to all these different things that I have went through that I now get to share. Because change does not happen by saying no. And I could not be more appreciative for that message today that I get to share that from an incredible man that I am incredibly blessed to get to lead down a path that will alter the trajectory of his life. I'm so confident in this that I've told every person attending the event, if at the end of the event, although you're only paying cost, you literally pay for the cost that it takes to put it on. I don't care to make any money on this. If at the end, Sunday at noon, when we part ways, we shake hands, we hug, you say, I just didn't get anything out of this. I will write you a check or refund your credit card or however you paid at that exact moment, at that exact time. Because the confidence that I have in what I've been through and how much I care outweighs whatever your possible no could be. Because I have one thing that I know for certain. You are worthy of everything that you want. It doesn't matter the bad decision you made a month ago, or a year ago, or a day ago, or an hour ago, or a minute ago. It doesn't matter the magnitude of that decision. It's in the past. Those decisions do not define who you are and what you're capable of unless you allow them to. And if you stop saying no and start saying yes, you're regaining control and clarity over your life. And how powerful would it be for you in your life to have that across your body and to know from spending essentially 30 days with a group of people that are hell-bent on making your life better that your body was recalibrated and in the process of weaponization at a level that made you feel good in your skin with your shirt off, that stopped the aches and pains, that made it so you wanted to get out of bed, so that you had energy to carry on through the day, how great would that feel to you?
Path To Confidence And Control
Return to Control and Clarity (18:06)
How great would it feel to have the relationship that was finally consistently stable because you were stable inside, where you stopped blowing up at your peer or spouse or partner. Where there wasn't this veiled half-assed attempt at communication where it was clear and honest and transparent and heartfelt. How great would it be to have that bonding connection that you had always hoped for, but had for some reason seemed to always elude you, but found everyone else? And as we swing over into business, what would it mean to you to have a business that actually made you happy? That when you got up every morning and got dressed after you sweated, sweat, whatever the right terminology is, when you put your clothes on, you were excited to go attack the day. And that can be if you work inside a company or you work for yourself. That can be if you're the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or you are a lawnmower. Having the purpose inside that you're following with passion leads to production in any industry. But you have to have the first two variables dialed in, plus healthy habits surrounding those, to propel you through the times where it gets difficult. And that's what saying yes gets you. So whether you say yes to something with me, or you say yes to something else, once you start saying yes, every day after, you'll be able to get shit done. you