Episode 304 - You Are A Male, But Are You A Man? | How To Treat A Woman Like A Woman | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 304 - You Are A Male, But Are You A Man? | How To Treat A Woman Like A Woman".
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This is 15 Minutes of Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Idell, and today's episode is, Are you, you are a male, but does that mean that you're a man so admittedly i might have just butchered that title but life is not a perfect game and i don't claim to have it all figured out so i'm just going to roll with it the principle behind what i'm going to share is 100 true true 100% of the time. So this was brought to my awareness to speak about either from a social media post, from an email I got, or an article I read in a book or magazine. When I share, this is not an original topic for me, right? I would like to pay credit where credit is due. However, I don't know who the person was that I'm grabbing some of these pieces and parts from. What I do know is if you listen to these and you apply them, not only will you get shit done, right? That comes at the end of the episode. But what will also happen is you'll live a more holistically full life as a man. You see, it's all well and good. I'm speaking to you men, that when you reach down between your legs, there's something there, right? Like God gave you or the higher power gave you, the creator gave you male genitalia, right? And with that comes certain responsibilities to me. And these aren't the typical responsibilities that one might say, right? Sure, the societal hierarchy that we might have adopted or adapted that has been passed down from generations is that thing between your legs means you need to go out and produce. You need to make money. And then when you need to make money, that you come home and you show up for your family, and eventually that means you get laid. Right? That's essentially what was kind of passed down. Our measurement of success is how much money you have, the status you achieve, and then what you can show from it. Don't get me wrong. Producing at a high level is a phenomenal thing. I can very, very confidently say that I produce at a very high level. More clients, more signups, more everything than originally I thought possible. Right now, I know it's because I'm putting out into the world a good quality content with expecting nothing in return. There's a chance as you listen to this, this might be the doorway for you to enter into something greater with me. I honor it if it is. But if it's not, just keep listening. I don't care. Because you see, as men, specifically, there are many things that, to me, actually make us men. Right? And the first thing that makes us a man is our ability to treat and care for the opposite sex. Now, this doesn't mean kissing their rear end, right? Sorry, ladies. I don't believe we should suck up to you whatsoever. I do believe we should treat you with honor and respect, and eventually, if we're lucky enough, with love. But that starts with men. As you are courting the lady, first and foremost, stop fucking texting her. Yes, I'm going to say that again to you. Men, as you're listening and you have interest in a woman, or if you are currently dating a woman, maybe you're not dating, maybe you are married to this woman. Take the phone that we carry around with us in our pockets, take this thing, and when you're ready to text, pause, think for a second, press the call button and put it up to your ear. Having the verbal communication, having your woman, lady, girlfriend, hear the sincerity in your words matters. You know what else matters? That she felt important enough that you didn't text her. I've got a client of mine who's an incredible, incredible female client. Brilliant in her own capacity. Who has this string of guys that consistently just message. They're just messaging her over and over and over again. And I ask a very pointed question. When's the last time one just picked up the phone and called you? And she laughed. She says, these guys don't do that. Everybody's just texting, like vying for attention. Men, we can do better than that. Sure, there's a time and a place for the witty banter back and forth, but if you're not willing to pick up the phone and say it through audible conversation, don't say it. Too often with this client and many others, I hear the bullshit thing that us men do of putting out those feelers. Like, hey, send me a picture. You should wear lingerie. You should have this certain outfit on. You should do this other thing. Why don't you do this for me? Men, you wouldn't say that out loud in the entry point of a conversation with a woman that you're considering dating. You wouldn't do it. I know you wouldn't do it. You don't have the balls to do it. And you know that at some point you were taught that's not appropriate. So magically you think because you have a phone in your hand and you don't have to get shot down with the, we, or you can do better. You can be the man that attracts the right woman, but you have to show up presently aware of the fact of what is required of you to attract the woman. You see, man, I know too many of you, hand raised, that when a feeler gets put out to a woman of, hey, I'd like to see you without clothes on, hey, we should hook up, hey, it's 1.30 in the morning, why don't you come over and quote unquote watch a movie, all said through text message. a movie, all said through text message. And then the woman, thinking better of herself, says, no, that's atrocious. No. Or she doesn't respond because she's so put off, she doesn't know what to say. Then what's the next thing that you do, men? You bad mouth her to all your friends because you don't want to be put down for the fact that you reached out in an inappropriate way and didn't get that reciprocated. So now she's a slut, she's a bitch, she's stuck up, she's a snob, she's too good for you. When the harsh facts of the reality of the situation are you simply overstepped your boundaries and you wouldn't say that in front of your mother. So don't say it. Don't say it until you're brought into that level of approval and acceptance from that woman. You'll know when. Women are far more intelligent than we are with their emotions. Many of them are more intelligent than we are as a gender. But what happens is, a woman, when she feels comfortable, when she feels protected, when she feels honored, when she feels respected, she pretty much starts telling you what you can do. Men, you should listen and then respect that. It's not that difficult. And let's say you're one of the fortunate ones. I know I have some of you listening. Then follow that rule. You find a woman that you like. You say enough to make her laugh, to get her a little curious about who you are. You send her a text message or two, but you pick up the phone and call to set the first date. You agree to meet her somewhere on the first date.
Understanding The Dynamics Of Relationships And Mentalities Of Men
Men, stop trying to pick the woman up from her house on the first date. With rape, with aggressive behavior, with the dumbass things she's went through from other men. It's a big ass to have her trust you enough to go to her house and pick her up. That stuff will wait. Men, I'll also encourage you to not try to sleep with her on the first date. Don't try to sleep with her on the second date. Don't try to sleep with her on the third date. Put that stuff off as long as possible. Get to know her and her mind before you go down that path. I get it. You're attracted to her. That's why you're going out with her. You're so attracted to her that all you want to do is see her naked. I get it. I'm a guy. My hand's raised in the studio. You'll get to that point if you play your cards right, but why would you want to get there if you don't actually want to be with this woman for longer than two weeks? Inevitably, it's probably to prove to yourself that you're quote unquote more of a man, so you can tell the friends in the circle around you, I got another one. You don't need any more. You don't need more notches on your belt. You don't need to be spreading diseases. You don't need to be receiving and contracting diseases, and you don't need more notches on your belt. You don't need to be spreading diseases. You don't need to be receiving and contracting diseases. And you don't need a kid right now. Delay that thing. I promise your relationship will be better. So let's say you're that man and you actually met her out the first time.
When you Pick Her Up (09:39)
You had a good time. You respectfully gave her a hug goodbye and told her you'd like to take her out once again. Then you got in your car and you drove home and she drove home, different directions. You didn't try to play a game that night. You openly communicated with her the next day that you had a good time and scheduled yet another date with her. Now's the first opportunity, in my opinion, for you to say, Hey, would you like me to come pick you up or should we meet somewhere again? And to not be offended by whatever the answer is. Allow her to feel safe. She's the one that risks everything by going out with you, not you. And so now she says, yes, let's just meet again. Be enough of a man to plan the time, the place, and the variables. Take control. Show up and be the man. Don't say, well, where do you want to go? What do you want to eat? What do you want to do? Here's where we're going. Here's what we're doing. Here's what I'd like to meet. Women, what we're going. Here's what we're doing. Here's what I'd like to meet. Women, I love your feedback. I know that the majority of you love a man that is willing to take control without being controlling. We like a man to show up and be present. We want the guy that we know has our back that's leading the way. That makes women feel good. If my wife was in the studio, she would admit that we had that same conversation today. And so now you're on your third, your fourth, your fifth date. Eventually you pick up this woman from her house. She trusts you enough to at least know her address. Congratulations. You've done something good. You've earned the right to be in the next tier of her house. You've traversed the external walls that are keeping all the other douchebags out. You're through that right now. Fantastic. She asks you to come over and pick her up. Pick her up. Show up five minutes early. Make sure your car is cleaned out. If you inherently are a traveling salesman on the road more than you should be, have these things going on, stop ten minutes before, sweep your car out, make sure it smells decent, not like a bunch of cheap air fresheners, and pick her up at her house. When she invites you in, stand in the doorway. You're not trying to go play super sleuth right now. Just stand there. Wait for her. It's okay. She's trying to impress you. She wants to show up and be beautiful for you. Be there early. Now I'm going to clue you in on a secret on how to actually be a man.
Kissing Goodnight (12:20)
When she comes outside the house, walk to the door of the car where she would normally enter. Walk to that side. Pull open the handle, pull the door open, and guide her into your car. When she's in, if she's wearing a skirt or a jacket, make sure it's tucked inside the door, wait an extra two or three seconds, and then shut the door behind her. That's being a man. That's not being a male. That's being a man. Continue to have conversation throughout the date. Still holding time and space, still showing up and being present. Sure, the conversation at this point after four or five dates might get to the point where it's a little pseudo-sexual. If she leans into that and starts sharing that with you, it's okay to banter back and forth. What I'm then going to encourage you to do is to, when the date comes to an end and you take her home, I think it's perfectly appropriate if she has asked you to come to her house and the connection and the emotion is there, to kiss her goodnight. Kissing her goodnight does not require you to enter her house. It does not require you to grab her rear end. It does not require you to grope her or to make her feel less than. What it requires you to do is show up, be a gentleman, be a man, be present, give her a kiss that's memorable and leave. Men, there's this crazy thing that happens. Sorry, ladies, I'm going to drop the dime on you. Now you're taking back a little bit of control because there's a chance if you're decent enough at kissing her and there's passion and there's emotional connection that you've built up over the course of a few weeks' time, she's now maybe thinking that she trusts you enough to come inside of her house and she might be open to the possibility of something more happening. Don't take that first possibility. You still don't need it. Delay the gratification. A better relationship is built around emotional connection with a backfill on physicality than the other way around. I truly believe in all my experience in life, the longer you delay the sexual gratification part, and the more you get to know somebody beforehand, the deeper the connection and the longer the relationship lasts. My personal opinion. So now eventually we're going to fast forward.
Let's just assume you've done all the things that you can imagine you could do with this lady. And she trusts you and she brings you in the house and you honor her, right? Ask some questions. Sorry, I must backtrack. Men, if the day comes that you get to be intimate with this lady, obviously make sure your hygiene is on point. Spend an extra couple minutes, make sure everything is taken care of. Make sure you're fresh and clean. Make sure everything is manicured. You're doing yourself and her a favor. From that point, have some conversations like adults prior to entering into that part of your relationship. Let's talk birth control. Let's talk a few expectations. Not in a clinical way, not in the way that I'm describing this. But look, there's rules of engagement with everything. If the woman is not on birth control and you don't have a condom, you might not get to have sex tonight. Don't pout. Realize that next time you need to become prepared. If she's on birth control and she wants you to wear a condom, don't be an asshole. Put one on. It's her prerogative. If she has any other rules or any things that are off limits or things she does or doesn't like and she shares them with you, honor that for her. By this point, you should respect yourself and respect her enough from the time you spend together. She's no longer a piece of meat. She should be somebody you care about. From that place, now let's fast forward a little bit. Let's say you've been dating for a while. That car door should still happen to me more times than not. Certainly, I'm guilty. I don't pull the car door open 100% of the time. I try to bring it in my awareness and make myself conscientious of the fact that it's something that makes my woman, my wife, feel good. That's what I want to do it for. There's a thing that when you walk down the street, and this could be inside of a shopping center, this could be in a downtown busy street, this could be anywhere possible.
Men: Walk sidewalk near road (16:30)
Men, walk on the side of the cars. Walk on the side of the sidewalk that's closest to the street. I was with a friend of mine in Dallas, Texas. This friend, this client, whatever you want to say, her and I are walking into Whole Foods, and I stop for a second, and I allow her to walk in front of me, and then I switch around, and I'm on the roadside. And she says, why are you doing that? I said, because it's a gentlemanly thing to do. If an oncoming car comes, I want to be able to be the one to protect it. In the old days, if there was rain that was going to splash up, I'd want to be the one to stop that. There's things that we should do as men to be men. When you get to the front of the restaurant, stop, grab the door, hold it open, and let her walk in first. When you sit down at a seat, pull the chair out for the lady. You also don't have to be dating, trying to sleep with, or want any sort of physical relationship with the person that's a female to treat them this way. There's a thing called respect. And men, we should respect everyone, let alone the opposite sex. So eventually, when you go through these various pieces and parts, right, there's things. There's things that are required of us. that maybe don't make sense to you. You've been dating this woman for quite some time. You've had intimate relationships. You're opening doors. You're pulling out chairs. You're doing the things it takes to be a gentleman. I personally don't care about the rain, right? I don't have fancy hair. I've never much minded to be wet. But any female that I've ever dated, let alone my wife, doesn't enjoy their hair being wet. Next time you're at Target or at Walmart or at the grocery store, pick on one of those little tiny black, probably 8-inch umbrellas that fits in a little sleeve. Put that thing underneath the back of your driver's seat. Doesn't have to be out making your car dirty. When it rains, have her sit in the seat for a moment, get the umbrella and go get her out of the car. These little things, you don't have to even be to the point of texting letters of appreciation in the morning. You're just respecting who she is, what she stands for. Respecting who she is, what she stands for. Dating is not hard. Right? Like, we make this way too hard. We try to jockey for position as men, not want to show some vulnerability. We try to position ourselves in the way that we can be puffy-chested and more of a man than we might really be to our friends. So it's, I got this woman and that woman and these other women. I'm going to get her. I'm going to get this picture. Check out how she looks. We can do better. Like men, you can do better than this. And so we get all the way, let's say, to you finally find the one woman, right? The one you believe you can spend the rest of your life with.
Ask her parents for permission (19:42)
Take the time to get down on one knee and ask the woman to marry you. But don't do that until you've done the courtesy of asking her parents if it's okay. It doesn't mean if they say no that I would necessarily say you have to not do it. It's the professional courtesy of asking them if it's appropriate for you. It's allowing them to express to you their thoughts and feelings. It's not that tough. Think of how difficult you have made this dating world or the engagement world. That's unnecessary. Spend enough time to be present in the moment with the woman you're dating to figure out what she likes and doesn't like. If you know your girlfriend or fiance doesn't like Mexican food, when you plan a date night, don't plan a Mexican restaurant. Do those on your own time. Plan a special event with her once a quarter where you get to go eat what you want and she sucks it up. Like it's preposterous how easy this really is. Another side tip for you men as you're dating women, I have known a lot of women. I've dated a couple. I have not known one woman that enjoys seeing a picture of our anatomy. You know what I mean by that. It doesn't look good. It's not cute. It doesn't make you more or less of a man. It doesn't matter what angle you take it from, so it looks bigger or smaller, the drop shadowing, how you're using the filters in your phone. Just don't do it. Same thing. Eventually, if the woman allows you to start sending pictures to her, keep your shirt on for a while. Women have seen abs before. Women have seen muscles and chest before. She'll initiate that. That doesn't make you more of a man.
Separate Your Penis From Self-Worth (21:37)
That doesn't make you a better catch. I can almost guarantee it. There's a certain amount of mystery to feeling like your meat, the thing that you carry around in your body, is not open and available to everybody. We don't give women nearly enough credit. Most women are smart enough that if you send her a picture of yourself with no clothes on after two weeks, how many other women do you think have the same type of picture? Far too many. You see, it's one thing to be a male, to have the male anatomy, the male genitalia.
What makes you a man (22:11)
That doesn't make you a man. Same thing as it pertains to children. Because I'm a male, I can have a child. But if I don't show up, care for, love, nurture, and be present for that child, I'm just a male. I am not a man. Whether it is intentional, and I actually am going to pull back on that. If you have intercourse, if you have sex with a woman, it might as well be intentional to know that you might end up with a child. Better be ready for the consequences. We're not going to push whether this is abortion or when it makes sense or plan B or plan C or whatever the hell the pills are called. This is not a pro-life or pro-choice conversation. This is the fact of the level of awareness you as a man should have upon putting yourself into a woman. You should know what the possible outcome should be. If the juice isn't worth the squeeze, then don't pick up the lemon. It's all right. Just leave it on the shelf. Because once you have that child, just because you can pay child support still doesn't make you a man in my opinion.
Man is a responsibility (23:17)
You need to be an active participant in that child's life. You need to show up and be present. You need to help nurture and protect and care for and create a bond with that child. That's what it means to be a man. And more importantly, men, there's a lot of us that have women that got married in their 20s, had a child with their first husband, and then got divorced because it just didn't work out the right way. And here we are in our mid-30s. With a child with their first husband, and then got divorced because it just didn't work out the right way. And here we are in our mid-30s with a child that does not have our DNA. That child still needs the same love, honor, attention, appreciation, the same lessons, the same amount of presence. Put your ego aside. It does not matter that child, man or girl or boy, that they don't share your DNA. They don't care when you sit down and you read a book with them. They don't care when you help do homework. They don't care when they hug you. They don't care about that stuff. Stop caring yourself. You are capable of more.
Self-Commitment And Self-Respect
Honor yourself (24:23)
You are capable of more All these things across the board All come into my wheelhouse Come to things that I'm sharing Because I didn't have all this figured out I'm sure some of these things I haven't done, didn't do Wish I would have done differently But I can't go backwards What I can do is share with you things That will make you a better version of who you are. This does not apply to the body and relationship and business side of things. This is the fact that being a man is a responsibility that you shouldn't take lightly. The being a man means to show up and be present and to be in the front and to be a hell of a lot more than male genitalia and a bank account. That's the old school thinking. Most women that I know that are quality don't really care about that. They care that you have your shit together. They care that you can produce it enough that you're not going backwards. Most realize you're in your own process of progress. So just honor that for yourself and honor who you are and what you're capable of, not what society tells you should do. And then when you begin to honor that every day, you'll find out that afterwards you're able to get shit done. you