Episode 328 - I Feel Defeated | I Don’t Have It All Figured Out | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 328 - I Feel Defeated | I Don’t Have It All Figured Out".
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This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host Ryan Neidell and today's episode is I Feel Defeated. Today I'm going to share just the realness of what goes on in life. So here we sit, episode 325, 26, 27, 28. We're somewhere in there. As I record this, it is Tuesday, March 5 you, I don't have this shit all figured out. If you listen to this show thinking that I have some massive wealth of information that is superior to what's available to you, I feel like that's probably a misnomer. There might be this idea that you have that I don't have off days. I want to make sure I break that down right now. Today is an off day for me. I woke up this morning at my normal time, went through my normal routine.
Remodelling Mindset And Understanding Behaviour
I feel pretty accomplished in what I know how to do. The shifts that I can logically take people through and can take myself through. The morning rituals and habits are things that I encourage others to create just as I have created myself in an effort to establish what I refer to as personal power. Well, this morning that didn't work. This morning I didn't feel on fire. I didn't even feel smoldering. I felt defeated. I still in this moment feel defeated. And I'm going to share with you why and how all this stuff goes, but it's important for me to set up the frame for this conversation around the fact that even the best people that you know, whoever those would be, whoever you deem the most successful, most driven, most centered, balanced, happy, insert whatever adjective you'd like to insert, whoever those people are, whether they share it or not, they have bad days. They have things that don't go right. They have the defeating self-talk. So by the nature of sharing this with you, I want you to know that you're not alone. We've been on this journey together. I would be honored if you've been listening since episode one, but the likelihood of that is pretty small. But if you have been listening since episode one, but the likelihood of that is pretty small. But if you have been, almost a year, 327, 328 days. It's interesting because the purpose of this show was originally for me to get rid of the weight that I was carrying around for so many years. me to get rid of the weight that I was carrying around for so many years. And there was no part of this show, and I don't ever plan on there being part of this show in which I am setting out to defame other people. There's nothing in my heart or in my soul that wants me to have anyone experience pain, suffering, misery, especially on the backside of my words, right?
Closer Disclosure (03:36)
I literally have shut down, sold, closed, whatever you want to say. Every other business other than this personal development, coaching, life optimization, whatever you want to call it, I've shut everything else down because I have dedicated myself and my life to helping other people not feel the way that I have felt or in this moment feel right now. However, things don't always go exactly the way as planned. You see, I put out content as it pertains to my life, from my perception of what my reality is, and I share how that impacts me.
Dealing with the Pain (04:32)
I don't oftentimes think about the ancillary pieces of these conversations. You know, as I'm sitting here behind the microphone and staring at the camera, everything that I'm doing in my mind is based around a conversation that focuses on me. I share all that because there's no part of me that ever wants to have someone feel attacked, beaten down, less than. But I have to realize that sometimes that is the collateral damage from my words, right? And there's all these metaphors that race through my head in this moment, right? To whom much is given, much is expected, heavy is the head that wears the crown, all these things. They don't mean anything in this moment. They just don't matter. They're all just cliche terms that get tossed around. I don't think that I'm any different or better than you. I share very openly the things that I've been through. I then share very openly the money, time, energy, and effort that I've invested to give myself a different perspective on how to play this game of life. Sharing that I'm consistently in the process of progress as it pertains to my own totality, then my family, then the people that are around me, including, but not limited to, you if you decide at some point to reach out and work with me. I raise my hand high at the fact I'm a student of this game of life. I love studying psychology and psychiatry, metaphysics, the way the human psyche works. I love studying how to make an impact in people's lives through neuro-linguistic programming. I love getting different perspectives on how to view traumatic life experiences so that I can help you potentially go from the way that you feel now to the way that you wish you could feel. And I wish to take you from a level you're producing now to the level that you wish you were producing at. Admittedly, all of that is entirely self-serving. I own the fact I'm very selfish. I do this because it makes me feel good. I do this because I get to pour in other people. And by pouring into other people, hopefully some of that is you, I feel better as a person. Maybe some of it's still paying back old karmic debt from all the things I did in my 20s that aren't aligned with the man I am. Now as you're listening, I'll be 35. with the man I am, now as you're listening, I'll be 35. I don't know why it is other than the fact that for the first time in my life, I feel completely in alignment with what I'm supposed to be doing, the way I'm supposed to be doing it, and the benefit that others and myself receive from me showing up and doing it. From me showing up and doing it. I shared this very long winded dissertation. Stepping into this box that I'm about to step into. To set up a framework for the fact that. There are times where I say things that apparently. And understandably so. Might upset you. There's an off chance that on one of these shows that you listen to without naming your name. Saying who it was that brought it into my sphere of influence. I might share a lesson that I gained in my life from our time together. I don't do that out of malice. I don't ever wish to disparage you, what you've been through. I don't ever want you to feel pain. Admittedly, I show up on our calls or show up on the show trying to take the pain away from you in the best of my possible ability. take the pain away from you in the best of my possible ability. Now, I don't believe, and I actually teach, right? I share with people, I can't save anyone, nor can you. We can only lead. That is my personal opinion. And I believe that being a good leader means there's a certain amount of vulnerability that goes on in the forefront of our days, not in the background.
Putting Yourself in Others Shoes (09:02)
I believe in order to effectively lead, we also must serve, but we have to serve ourselves and then serve the greater good of those around us. And in that level of servitude, I have very recently had it brought to my attention that some of you listening take massive offense to my words. That there are things that I share, that there are stories that I walk through that you feel are attacks on you or your character. I dealt with that as I'm recording this show off and on throughout yesterday. It struck such a chord with me that it has knocked me off kilter for now a full 18 hours.
Changes are part of a process (09:59)
Right? I know all the, I can't say all, I know a lot of tips, tricks, hacks, reframes, psychological events, things that I can present to other people and walk them through comparable situations. I feel very, very competent in my ability to do that. I can go as far as saying I am excellent at being able to show up and do that for others. In the current moment of still being a student of this game, I can raise my hand high once again and say, this one is throwing me for a loop. Sure, on the surface level, it's very easy for me to cast aside and say, the way that people show up and project is a reflection of the way they feel internally. And that if we do things without malice or ill intent, and we show up as the best version of ourselves, and people take exception to that, more times than not, it's a reflection of their internal turmoil versus the way you're actually showing up. That's a logical answer. There's a lot of psychological evaluation and research that's been done to prove that that can be true. But there is no absolute. And I'm not casting aside the fact that perhaps something that I say bothers you. I get it. Especially if something that I share on here pertains to our time together, I can see how that could upset you. No part of me shares these things in an effort to make you feel less than. Completely selfishly, which I will own once again, I share the lessons based off of things that made an impact in my life. And I share them from a place that I hope you as you that made an impact in my life. And I share them from a place that I hope you as you're listening can learn from my mistakes. Whether that mistake is a massive mistake such as infidelity, failed businesses, anabolic steroid use. If you've been on this journey with me, you know a lot of large mistakes that I've made. Or perhaps it's something smaller like lack of communication. Lack of being able to stand up for yourself and say no. Maybe it's lack of asking the right questions. right? It doesn't have to be this massive earth shattering lesson that I hope is a, as a memory jog for you of, wow, there's a chance that I can do something a little different so that maybe I feel differently tomorrow. Because the way that I feel today in this moment, if you yourself feel this way, I feel today in this moment, if you yourself feel this way, it's a horrible way to have to show up. Right? I am a glass three quarters, if not all the way full type of guy. I'm the type of guy when someone says a door slammed shut, like I know that just means I have to push harder and open it. Like I very rarely get trapped in this mental box of self-defeating talk and feeling literally depressed. But yet nonetheless, here we are today. I'm in the office. I'm cold. I'm off kilter. I'm in my jacket. And I'm sharing this with you because number one, I want to make certain to let you know that if there is something that I am saying that pertains to you, as you played a role in it, selfishly you don't even cross my mind. You don't. What crosses my mind is the lesson that I learned and how hopefully I can impact someone else's life by hearing it. Perhaps that means I have a bigger ego. Okay, I'll take that. I think having a healthy amount of ego and positive self-talk is good for everyone. Perhaps that could mean I'm narcissistic. I can also receive that. I believe that the way we show up and others perceive us has value to increasing our internal level of self-talk. I think if both narcissism and ego are left unchecked, they're very unhealthy. But the facts of life are, if I show up and can look you in the eye and say, I know that I can help you, you feel that differently than if I sit back and say, well, you know, I think maybe if we get lucky, these one or two things might go the right way and maybe we'll figure it out. That doesn't serve me, nor would it serve you, nor would it serve the overall view of this podcast. So as I say things, it's all about me. And I can't apologize for something that I didn't consciously do. Because I believe that's one of the things that as a society we say and do often to appease other people. To make them feel better about things that we don't inherently believe we did wrong. So I can't apologize and own the fact that I said things. Because as I said them. That I said things. Because as I said them. It was based around my own perception of my own story. And my own momentary glimpse of what I deemed to be my reality. Then I pivot a little bit.
Emotions are natural (15:57)
And as I'm sharing this. It's to let you know that. Moments of defeat. Depression. Anxiety. Angst. moments of defeat, depression, anxiety, angst, I believe are a natural part of life. I don't believe that if you're listening to this show, you should ever be convinced that someone has quote-unquote it all figured out. I can own the fact I have the game of life from the way that I played it figured out up until this moment. I know why I have done what I have done. I know the money, time, energy, and effort I've spent to learn through those things. And I know what I'm currently focused on in my growth and exploration as far as a man, husband, father, business leader, whatever you want to call me, I know what I'm focused on going forward. But I cringe to think that there's some people that may exist in the world that put such a solid flag in the ground and say, this is the way it has to be. a solid flag in the ground and say this is the way it has to be perhaps you listen to some of those people maybe you are that person that believes so steadfast that there is one defined way to do everything I feel as though I must ask you to think just for a moment if there is a possibility that there could be a different way right i'm sitting here questioning how i show up on this microphone how i show up in this podcast based off of realizing that other people are feeling hurt anger frustration insert whatever adjective you'd like based off my words. I can't say that I have this podcast game, if you will, all the way dialed in and figured out to the point that it's just perfect. But I don't ever claim to.
Abundance Mindset (17:59)
What I do claim is that I'm in the consistent process of progress as I believe that we all are. Some of us choose to have a different speed of process and of progress. Some of us hear that. You may hear that and say, man, I have no idea what the hell this guy is talking about. I get it. I respect it completely. You know, I am a flawed human being. I don't recall a time in which I claimed to be anything else. I'm still learning, growing, and evolving, attempting that each day I get to wake up and experience what we will deem as reality that I try to do just a little better than the day before. Some days that's a lot more forward progressing than others, right? Some days I wake up and I can see it, right? I'm like, man, I can experience this. I can grow here. I can shift here. Today is going to be a different caliber day. Then some days I have six hours of coaching calls, three podcasts, 12 videos to shoot, two interviews to do. And then I get my teeth kicked in later in the day because I realize that I have hurt some people's feelings. my teeth kicked in later in the day because I realize that I have hurt some people's feelings. Those are the days that don't go so well. I'm sharing all this from a place of realizing that although we're 328 episodes in, or so, there's still a lot of room for growth and expansion for me. I've been at this daily for almost a year. That's a lot of reps. I show up with 1,000, 1,200, 1,400, whatever it is, hours of one-on-one coaching. I understand there's this bias that could exist in the background of like, what is coaching? What makes you qualified for that? I've heard that many times. I would like to share with you my perspective on what makes me qualified. First and foremost, it's my life experience. I only know what I know from what I've been through.
Coaching Makes Me Qualified: Running a Business (20:26)
That's it. I know what it's like to be in sales and be successful. I know what it's like to be in sales and fuck things up. I know what it's like to begin to run a business when you don't have any idea what you're doing and you're scared to death of failing. And then know what it's like to grow that business and experience decadence like no one necessarily should without some sort of constraints. I know what it's like to lie and manipulate. I know what it's like to be in the fitness world. I know what it's like then to reframe those things and find the answers as to why I believe I was doing those things.
I Know About Broken Behavior (21:04)
I know what it's like to be completely dead broke and be a failure. I know what it's like to grow and scale multiple businesses and then exit them. I know what it's like to stop being a debaucherous man with multiple relationships. Own the fact of the pain that you've caused people. Focus on one reality that you want to create and I'm able to go create it. I know what it's like to have no spiritual connection, not have any idea who God or a higher power is. And then to reframe that and be able to find exactly who that person or being or entity is to me in this moment. I know what it's like to feel alone. I know what it's like to have a best friend die. I know what it's like to try to figure out pieces and parts of this reality that we all live within. figure out pieces and parts of this reality that we all live within. I then know the trainings that I've went through. I know the Tony Robbins pieces and parts. I'm learning a lot of the pieces and parts of the Human Upgrade Institute and different modalities as it pertains to the International Coaching Federation. I know peace and parts from Wake Up Warrior, Dr. Shefali. I know these things because I've experienced them. I know a lot of stuff now about psychology. Guys like Abraham Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. Claire Graves and his deep work inside of spiral dynamics. All of which were brought to the forefront in my life from a group of individuals that are brilliant, which I probably have not given enough credit to, but I feel as though I must. A guy named Michael Bledsoe, a guy named TJ Reeves, a woman named Zara, who I can never pronounce her last name, so it's meant with no disrespect.
Ways I have go remain open-hearted and up-skill my Awareness. (22:52)
I would not have known these psychological constructs and the modalities that exist inside of that box of life had they not come into my life and shared them with me. That wasn't because I had some spiritual awakening, went out and, oh, ta-da, here's what I'm supposed to do next. The spiritual awakening went out and, oh, ta-da, here's what I'm supposed to do next. They came into my life because I was open to receiving something different that challenged my belief system. Challenged what I thought to be possible. Right, I don't have a psychology or psychiatry degree. Admittedly, from the way that I view this game of life, I feel like spending hundreds of thousands of dollars for a degree of that caliber does not necessarily make that person exponentially more qualified than I am. In my mind, if I were to get a curriculum or a syllabus of what it took to achieve a degree of that caliber. And I read, memorized, and applied all the same books and teachings. Plus, if I attended workshops, seminars, classes, and continued down a path that kept up with a continuing education as it pertains to the psychiatrist or psychologist. I'm not discrediting what they go through. I'm not discrediting the amount of brilliance they have. I'm not discrediting that there's something to be said for applying yourself to the level that it's required to get you a degree. What I am implying is the fact of I am in the process of studying all those same pieces and parts without having to go spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to go back to school. It's just a process. I don't have it done yet. I will have a master's certification from the International Coaching Federation based off the curriculum inside of the Human Upgrade Institute, in addition to the number of hours that I have served and shown up for clients. Clients from Australia, New Zealand, China, the UK, every time zone in the US, men and women, old and young. Can't say every religious background because I don't know if that's really true. I don't know if I've hit every race yet because I don't know that that's true. What I do know is what makes me qualified is the fact of I'm sharing exactly what I have done up to this point to get to where I'm at. If you're listening to this and you don't want to be where I'm at. And you don't think I have an answer for you. And all you're doing is waiting and listening for me to say something that upsets you. I'm going to challenge you just to start tuning out. There's nothing that I'm doing here that's an intentional attack on any other person on the planet. intentional attack on any other person on the planet. I share real stories from my perception of what my reality is as it pertains to things that I believe could benefit you in your life. Perhaps some episodes benefit you and perhaps some don't. I love you coming along for this journey. I love you being here to watch and see me grow. I love those of you that have reached out to me from social media, whether it's Instagram, which my handle is RyanNydell, N-I-D-D-E-L, the direct messages that I get. They're beautiful, even the ones where you're mad at me. It causes me to grow and shift as a man and as a person. I love it. I love it if we can have an open dialogue so that I can grow. Not if you attack me and are not open to discussing why you feel the way that you do with facts that back it up. I love the emails that I get. Really simple. Ryan at lifeoptimizationgroup.com. I love the ones that are praising this and the value that I've added. And I love the ones that say, you should do better. As long as the ones that say you should do better are willing to have a conversation to expand my capability and my horizon. Because I'm going to shift backwards and still reaffirm. I don't claim to have all this figured out. What I do claim is that I am working diligently on the daily to increase my capacity to then hopefully help you increase your capacity if you choose to apply the same lessons that I've learned without going through the pain and misery of experiencing it yourself. That's it. That's all it is. Right? I love the tribe that we're growing inside the life optimization Facebook group. It's completely complimentary. There's 300 and some odd people there now. I'll round up and say 350. I don't know the exact number. It's beautiful for me to see the interaction of people going back and forth and having that whole idea that pain shared is pain divided. Those are the beautiful parts of this. Because if there's some part of this show, if there's some part of me that has you believing that I say that I have this all figured out, you believing that I say that I have this all figured out, if you hear me saying or you're receiving that I have the best business in the world and that I have the best relationship in the world and that I have the best body in the world and that I know exactly how to make sure that every person on the planet lives that way, I am sorry I have given you that impression. Because that's not what's in my heart. I'm sharing very candidly, talking through real time, as though you're sitting across from me in my office in Columbus, Ohio, exactly how I feel in this moment. This is where most of us, including myself, stop. We get locked in the feelings. The feelings are I feel defeated. I feel nervous. I feel anxious. I feel sad. I feel frustrated. I feel anxious. I feel sad. I feel frustrated. I feel attacked. I feel angry. Those are all feelings, and my feelings are valid in this moment, just as yours are valid in every moment you go through. No one should discredit your feelings. What I would like to offer as a perception shift for you is what if we dial it back and look at the facts for a moment. What are the facts of the situation that has caused me to feel this way? The facts as I view them, the facts of life in my opinion, are that I show up, I'm doing the best that I can, I'm sharing messages that impact my life in a way that is not ever intended to disparage someone else. Those are my facts. My feelings are all those that I said because someone didn't receive them that way. Then I'm going to shift to focus, right? What do I want to focus on here? I'm going to focus on being more aware of what I say. I'm going to focus on adding even more value on a daily basis. I'm going to focus on making the show 100% still about my life lessons and then people that I can bring on to share their life lessons to make a positive impact in your life, expecting zero in return.
Offering L.O. (30:56)
I don't want anything from you. Seriously. I would love it if you leave me a review. I would love it if you drop a comment somewhere. I would love it if you reach out to me and you entrust in me to help guide you through a season of your life that you're going through, that you think I have a key to unlock a door that you can walk through. I would love all that. But if you want to listen in for the next three years and at least month to get to that four-year benchmark without ever doing anything other than just consuming content, I love you nonetheless. I love you nonetheless. I even love those of you that I have bothered, that have reached out and gotten mad at me because it's causing me to look at the focus of this and what I'm doing. I genuinely love everybody. I only have love in my heart. It's a beautiful way to approach the day because I feel good 99% of the time. Today is just the 1%. So again, to rehash this, to take you through what I go through, what I take clients through, and what I'll eventually get through today, the facts of my life are the fact that I put out content as it relates to me, the stories that I can tell that have created a perspective shift. I share that lesson with you hoping that you can apply the same. The feelings that I have in this moment are someone didn't receive it that way and it's hurt them which makes me sad, mad, angry, frustrated, all these other things.
Attaining Focus And Energy Management
Processing How to Focus my Energy (32:32)
What am I going to focus on going forward? All these other things. What am I going to focus on going forward? I'm going to focus on creating more valuable content. Ensuring the fact it only pertains to me and my life. Without over filtering who I am. And the fruit. What's going to come out on the back side. Is more impact. And more connection with you. Because I'm coming from a place of authenticity. I don't have a fancy way to wrap up this show today. This is way over the normal time that a show goes for. But this is the real life stuff. This is stuff where I get three and a half hours of sleep last night. This is stuff where I'm so stressed from all the things that are going on in life that I'm getting a sigh over my right eye that I haven't had for years. These are things that my recovery as it pertains to the aura and the whoop show like red, like stop moving, don't do anything, recalibrate, danger, danger. That's what I'm experiencing right now. what I'm experiencing right now. If you have gotten to this point in the episode, I'm not looking for pity. I'm not looking for you to reach out and tell me I'm doing a great job. I'm not looking for adulation. I'm not looking for anything other than to share what I feel in the moment so that I can change the way that I feel going forward. That's it. If you feel compelled to reach out to me, more power to you, but I am not shutting down the podcast. I'm not going to jump off a bridge tonight. I'm not going to stop showing up for clients. I'm not going to stop putting out content that matters. What I am going to stop is feeling badly for being who I am. All the flaws and abnormalities are exactly who I am. I own them with great pride because I'm working to change them into becoming a better version of myself going forward. Much as I will encourage you to do. Because when you continue to work diligently on that for yourself, you'll find out that going forward, you will get shit done.