Episode 331 - Focus | Time To Zig When You Think I’m Going To Zag | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 331 - Focus | Time To Zig When You Think I’m Going To Zag".
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This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is Focus. Today's episode, I'm going to zig while you think I'm going to zag. I'm going to talk just directly about focus and how it could apply to your life. So it's incredibly interesting. I have this phenomenal opportunity to have conversations with you. Now, some of these conversations might be one-sided, right? Every day, you're consuming something that comes out of my mouth or an image I post on social media or words that I write inside an email series or something, right? For you to be listening to this right now, you have got here from some specific reason but I've also been fortunate and had many different opportunities to speak to you one-on-one you may have messaged me and I may have responded you may have taken the life optimization test and we shared time and space on a zoom phone call face-to-, eye-to-eye discussing what could be. All this is very interesting to me because it gives me this incredible dichotomy of the way that the human psyche works.
Insights From The Conversation
From a place of power (01:29)
And I share that from this very humbling spot. You see, to me, I happen to be a guy that decided to hop on a microphone, got tired of carrying around baggage, and used this outlet to get rid of the weight. From that, I'm no different than you are. Literally, I truly believe that we are all one in the same. I put my pants on metaphorically one leg at a time. We eat the same foods. We believe some of the same things. We're all connected. But yet, we all have different ways to process through things. I'm not the one to judge if it's healthy or unhealthy, right or wrong, good or bad. I think any time we try to define something and pigeonhole it into such a small box, we're limiting the possibilities of what sits in front of us. This is an incredibly long setup to get to focus. I hope you're still with me. Because as I have these different conversations all throughout my day, I notice an underlying trend. This underlying trend might be the bias that you have towards me when I actually hop on a Zoom call and look you dead in the eyes. I've heard more times than I can count over the past three or four weeks, oh my God, I can't believe it's actually you. I didn't think you would be the one actually responding. For that, I laugh sheepishly. Who the fuck else is it supposed to be? You spend time getting to know me, no one else. And certainly, I'm helping build systems and processes and scale this organization, this enterprise, this movement, this company, with the assistance of some really incredible individuals, all of which will share time and space on a podcast episode with me so you get to know them, what they're about, and the value they can bring to your life. But in this current moment of time, if you're emailing me, I'm the one that's responding. If you send a DM on Facebook or on Instagram, I'm the one that either forgot to respond or did respond.
If we schedule a Zoom call, it's going to be me across the screen from you. All this circles into the bias that feels like it's presented when it's me on the other side. Because all of a sudden, mouths just start running. I can't believe it's you. Blah, blah, blah. And I love it. I'm not casting dispersions upon anyone. What I'm saying is the elevated speech pattern, the narrow pupils, the flush face, the blotchy red spots on your neck are all key indicators that you're nervous. I think it's hilarious, but I love you for it. But once we get through that little part, because that exists, I'm not judging you for your emotional response. I'm simply making note of it. And then we eventually work through that on the phone call. Once we get through that part, and we start getting down to the meat and potatoes of why we're spending time and sharing space with one another, I find it fascinating how difficult it is for the majority of people to simply focus. A perfect example of this is this incredible woman here local to Columbus. I say incredible because I truly believe her, you, Kurt in the office, me on the microphone, I believe we are all divine, one-of-a-type creatures that are truly capable of more greatness than we give ourselves credit for. This woman is no exception. So she goes back and forth with me about a meeting that we're going to have with one another. She'd like to present some opportunities to me to help assist, grow, and scale this company. Now, of course, I love that, right? Why wouldn't I want to add more fuel to this fire? Why wouldn't I want to get this message out to more people?
My incredible perspective (06:31)
Why wouldn't I want to make a larger impact? Of course I want to. We schedule a time. We make a commitment for a Monday morning, we pick a location, we pick an agenda, and off to the races we go. But somewhere over the course of the weekend, her life takes some zigs and some zags, maybe hangs a hard left when she thought it would take a hard right, and she has to reach out to me. And she reaches out to me Sunday evening at 8.37 p.m.
At the point of experience (06:58)
So if you've listened to this show for any period of time, you know that Saturdays and Sundays are my time. I get to decide who I invite into those spaces and don't feel obligated to respond to anyone other than my family. And even they quite often come second for moments where I have to put myself first. I get the fact that as an entrepreneur, businesses take lefts when we want them to take rights and family comes into play. I get all of those things. take rights and family comes into play. I get all of those things. But this brilliant woman's message to me was three and a half minutes of describing every variable that has went wrong, other obligations she has, how badly she feels, and she's trying to justify away her actions Now for me, of course, I own it I Was somewhat triggered by this event You reached out so diligently to book an appointment with me. I asked for clarity prior to booking the appointment You don't provide me said, you push for the appointment, which as a sales guy I love, as a business owner I hate.
Where the Split has landed (08:15)
Then inside of 12 hours from where our meeting is, you share with me all this shit about why we can't meet. And it's so damn long-winded, I gotta wait two and a half minutes to figure out what the fuck has actually changed. Now there's a good chance as you're hearing this, you realize that you do the same thing. I understand. I see you in that. Because I too used to do the exact same thing. thing. You see, I was so afraid of just sharing without justification. I wouldn't do it. I would want to explain everything away. I didn't understand that the word no is truly a complete sentence. And so I eventually get the opportunity to share an additional conversation with this woman. I certainly don't care at this point we can't meet. But I feel compelled to reach out to her on Wednesday of that same week. Just asking if she minded if I shared some advice with her. She was incredibly receptive and humble. And I shared that from my perception of reality, from my perspective of what is possible, all that was required on Sunday night would have been, Ryan, I cannot or I choose not to honor our obligation at 8.30 tomorrow morning. I would still like the opportunity to meet with you. Here are two additional times I have available throughout the week. Please respond with which one works for you. Thank you. That voice memo would have been about 16 seconds. Instead, it was three, three and a half minutes. And that's just one small example of how this works.
Because the same thing goes on inside the phone calls. The same thing goes on inside of text messages. The same thing is happening inside the phone calls. The same thing goes on inside of text messages. The same thing is happening inside the DMs, which I love to receive from you. It's okay to get right to the point. It's actually a lot more efficient methodology of communication. Could you imagine listening to this show if I droned on for 45 minutes to an hour to get to a punchline that basically said to you, stop beating around the bush, speak directly with intent and from a place of power, own your position and don't apologize for it? What if that message took me 45 minutes? You're probably laughing right now, like you would not listen. It would be completely lost on you, just as it would be lost on me. But yet the microcosms of our daily activities look just like that. How many additional words do you speak every day to get across your point because you feel like you need to justify your position I'm gonna guess quite a few so from that sense of awareness I must ask you why do you feel the need to do that if you're anything like me it was based off a sense of insecurity you see I was so petrified to be alone and petrified to ostracize people from my life that I felt like if I just said no or gave short answers that people would leave me. And the fear of not having people in my life outweighed the fear of hurting people's feelings.
To ostracize (12:08)
So I simply would just talk in circles, make sure I was heard, revisit it two or three more times to really push my guilt and shame into the corner, and go forward. But from that sense of awareness, of realizing that's why I was doing it, it allowed me to repackage that and find a different message and power going forward. You see, I don't know who it was. I'm going to say it was Albert Einstein. Someone said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. If any of this sounds like you and I have just brought it to your awareness, continuing to do it is insanity. I encourage you to give it a shot, to do more by saying less. Focus on what it is you want and how to effectively and directly communicate it. This will apply to your body. This will apply to your relationships. This will apply to your business. I want to be a boxer. That's it. There's no punchline. I don't have to justify why. It's what I want. I want a relationship with a dark-haired, curvy Italian woman. Still no justification. I'm going to impact 125 million people's lives in the next 10 years with this show and what I stand for. That's it. It feels so foreign to say it the first time, but just like anything else, with the more reps and more time under tension that you experience, the more easy the delivery or deliverable nature of this really becomes. And when you can get very clear and focus on exactly what you want and exactly how to say it, and then how to embody those feelings, you'll find out that all the days going forward, you're able to get shit done. you