Episode 37: Goooaallll - 15 Minutes to Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 37: Goooaallll - 15 Minutes to Freedom Podcast".

1970-01-01T01:00:15.000Z

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Introduction

Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is Goal. So we all have goals, right? You have things that society has taught us. You're supposed to set a goal for yourself, and that's what you're supposed to go out and achieve. Like, that's just how the world works. I'm going to try to shift the frame on that just a little bit through this episode. Like how do you really set goals? Like what's the mindset and methodology you go through to set goals that are realistic and obtainable, but still push your boundaries? Like for me, as I look at goals, like the biggest goal that I had was landing Lindsay, my fiance, and in three days, two days, whatever it is, she'll be my wife. And so it all started, I was at a local gym in Columbus, Ohio, and knew that I couldn't make it to my typical gym. Five o'clock rush hour traffic was, I had a job where I could work from home, own my own small business, and was just so tired of fighting 45 minutes of traffic to get to a gym. It felt really pointless. And so I switched gyms. And not switched memberships.


Life Experiences And Planning Insights

I Know It Was Love (01:07)

I had a membership at Lifetime Fitness here in just a suburb of Columbus. I went to Lifetime and right after 5 o'clock, I'm upstairs working out and meet a friend of mine. Bring him in. We're working out together. And in working out together, I see this gorgeous woman. Tall, 5'8", attractive, slender, probably 125 pounds at that point. I admitted like a busty woman. She was busty. Just everything was right there, dark hair, Italian hair. You could just tell. And I see her, and I can't say I make eye contact with her, but I notice her. So my buddy and I continue to work out and leave. I mean, not a whole lot to this story. But fast forward to the next day, and I call him 4 o'clock and say, hey, it worked out pretty well yesterday not going to the faraway gym. Let's go back to Lifetime again and train. Secretly, I'm saying this to him because I want to see this girl again. I haven't shared with him that she's attractive or that I'd like to make a plan. I just see her. And so we go again. And this story repeats itself for the better part of two weeks. on her. I just see her. And so we go again. And this story repeats itself for the better part of two weeks. Well, after two weeks, this girl, this woman, Lindsay, ultimately realizes that I'm looking at her. I mean, it doesn't take much. It's pretty obvious in a gym setting if someone's consistently looking at you.


Consistency is Key (02:13)

And I might've even been borderline lecherous. Like from where I sit, it's tough to really tell. I definitely didn't go up and talk to her because I look at the gym, like that's my sanctuary. That's where I was going at the time to relieve stress and to just be in my own headspace. And so I'm there. And I remember her distinctly. I'm on a leg press machine. I'm laying down. I'm starting to leg press. And I look over to my left and there's all the dumbbells, the free weights. And she's there by a bench and she's surrounded by three or four men. And as she's surrounded by these three or four men, I make eye contact with her and she finally puts her hand up in the air and waves. Literally waves to me across the gym. But my buddy's standing behind me, so he's facing her directly. And I think, you know, I go through my set, and I say, man, congratulations. Like, she waved at you. And him and I go back and forth laughing, like, no, it's not me. It's you, and back and forth. And so eventually we end up downstairs because, you know, the training floor in Lifetime is upstairs, and go downstairs to leave. As we go downstairs, we go to stop in the cafeteria, cafe, whatever it would be, to get a protein drink. As I turn the corner, I literally run smack dab into Lindsay, like literally face to face. She finally introduced herself. Hi, my name is Lindsay. I'm Ryan. She's got a beautiful daughter there who's four years old at the time. We proceed to sit down and get to know each other. This continues over the next two or three weeks of nothing more than cordial conversation. This cordial conversation eventually turns into a little bit more where I say, look, we're up on the training floor. I said, I'd really like to take you out sometime. And she looks at me and she says, yeah, that'd be great. Absolutely. And then proceeds to walk away. And I don't mean like just casually walk away. She kind of runs. So she gives me this mixed signal of, yes, I'm in, take me out, and then, no, I'm going to walk away from you. So here I am, this probably overgrown 6'1", 295-pound guy at the time, probably a little bit awkward, with this gorgeous dark skin, dark hair, slender, perfect woman that's admitting she'll go out with me but won't give me the time of day now. So I just kind of brush it off, like, hey, maybe this isn't really what I think it is. A couple more days pass by, maybe a week, and I ask her, you know, can I have your phone number? Well, yeah, sure. Same thing. She leaves. Like, man, I'm just missing the boat here. Now, admittedly, full transparency, I'm still dating another woman at this time. So I'm hedging my bet. I'm not proud of this. It's not an honorable thing to do, but it was my life.


The Story of Meeting Lindsay (04:25)

I was dating another woman. I had told Lindsay in all of our cafe meetings that her and I were on the fritz or broken up or came up with some atrocious lie. But I told her this story. And so she's relenting to the fact that I might be available and offering me the opportunity to go out with her, not giving me her phone number. And I'm sitting there talking to my buddy, and I'm like, man, I just don't get this chick. Like, she has to be into me because she's spending 30 or 45 minutes eating with me after every workout, her and her daughter. But nothing's coming of it. And so this whole time I've had this goal, like, I'm going to figure out this girl. I'm going to figure out how to land this girl. And not in a sexual manner. It was, oddly enough, it was never about sleeping with her. It was always about, she was such a good quality person. So attractive. Like this is who I want to date. Like this is who I really want to be with. I can see it. And so eventually we're walking out to the car at the same time. And I've just kind of brushed it off now. Like I've asked her out twice. She said, yes, but not give me your phone number. And so we're walking out to her car. My car is a few cars down from her and she leans over to me or turns over to me, turns next to me, however you want to say it and says, Hey, do you still want my number? I laugh. I said, well, sure. But you've blown me off two times. I figured it was kind of off the table. I said, here, here's my number. She shares with me your number. And I literally right in front of her, I said, look, I don't believe you at this point. I want to put your phone number in my phone right now. I'm going to call you to see if you actually answer. And lo and behold, she answers. I'm like, all right, I'm in now. So I have the girl's number and literally every day since then, this is four years back now, I've spoken to her every day. So my goal was to land this girl and I landed her. Like, Lindsay is going to be my wife and we've been through the ups and downs and the trials and tribulations. And obviously I'm sharing with you guys all the bad shit I've done, and she obviously knows that as well. Lying, cheating, manipulating, bad things, being broke, cars repossessed. I put this girl through the ringer, and she's still here. I know we're supposed to be together. But all this came down to the initial fact of setting a goal. And I had set a goal at that point that I thought was almost too lofty to achieve. My goal was to land the girl in the gym that I found to be the most attractive, that, oddly enough, was the one that was getting the most attention from every other guy. There's another step behind the scenes with this. Lindsay was in fact at that point still legally married. I say legally married as a caveat because you could enter into the separation agreement, you can start to go through a divorce, and the state doesn't recognize that in Ohio until you get in front of a judge and have to show them why you're getting divorced. So although she was not wearing a wedding ring, although she was separated from her husband and they had separate living arrangements and everything that goes on like that, she was still legally married. I didn't know that right away. I knew it after the first three weeks I spent with her, before she gave me her phone number. That certainly didn't deter me.


Fast Forward In Your Mind (07:01)

Admittedly, at that point in life, that was more of a challenge. That just made the goal even harder to achieve, which is more the reason I want to go after it. So all these things make me sit back and realize, like, now as I'm four years into the relationship and will have a lifetime of memories with her, like, what does it take to really set a goal? And how do you go into goal setting? So in Wake Up Warrior and what we do and what I found to be most beneficial is you fast forward in your mind 120 days, two-thirds of the year. You fast forward and you think, all right, what do I want to do? What would the best version of myself have to be to achieve those goals? Don't care if it's in your business. Maybe it's to grow your current business from wherever profit you are now, that that profit times 30%. You wanna increase by 30%. Maybe it's in your body. Maybe you wanna compete in a CrossFit competition, but you've never been in a CrossFit gym before. So maybe it's in your relationship. Maybe you wanna have the courage to finally ask the girl out or ask the girl to marry you. But you set this goal because you realize right now, if you tried to do those things today, you would fail. You just don't have that opportunity. That's not where you're at. And so you set this goal. This goal's two-thirds of the year out. Then you take a step back and you get really real with where you're at today. We'll take the gym setting, for instance. Let's say you want to compete in a CrossFit competition. But you've never set foot in a CrossFit gym. You might even be overweight, out of shape, unflexible, and don't know a CrossFit gym. You might even be overweight, out of shape, unflexible, and don't know what CrossFit is. You just want to give it a shot. So that is really where you're at right now. So write down on a sheet of paper, you'd write down, I'm overweight, I'm out of shape, I don't know what CrossFit is, I've never been in a CrossFit gym. It gets no more brutally honest than that. That is really where you're at today. Same thing comes to a relationship. Let's say your goal is to have a committed, honest relationship with somebody else after two-thirds of the year have passed. Okay, so if right now you are a liar, a cheater, dating multiple women, and sleeping around, that's really where you're at. There's a distance between those two points. Or maybe it's in your business. Again, you want to save up money to start your own business, but you have no savings right now. You just have to get brutally fucking honest with where you're at today. Not sugarcoat, you're not going to show this to anybody. These are goals for yourself. Then you say, okay, what do I have to do in 90 days to get me towards that 180-day goal? Where does that look like? What does that look like? And so you write down, okay, a 90-day benchmark would be in the CrossFit world that you join a CrossFit gym, you start to learn the functionality, and you're on your way to success. Same thing in business. Maybe you want to leave in $30,000 as your number, so you know you need to have at least $10,000 stashed aside in 90 days. And so you write those in a physical distance away from each other on a sheet of paper. So on the right-hand side, you're going to turn the paper landscape-wise. Far left-hand side, you write where you're at today. You leave a gap in between. You write where you're at, where you need to be 90 days. Then further down the page on the right, you'd write where you want to be after two-thirds of the year. Now, all the way to the far right, you're going to write down where you're going to be in a year.


You Can Only Know Exactly Where You Are Heading In 90 Days (09:58)

Now, it's impossible to really know where you are in a year because the man or woman you'll have to be a year from now is unrecognizable to the person you are today. You can't create the abundance and the wealth and the success from your current mindset. So you might as well leave that shit blank. Like that is such a higher level of yourself that until you get to the 90-day benchmark, it would be unrealistic to set the one-year goal.


Find A Nice & Comfortable Jog. Help People. (10:16)

But in that gap in between, the gap between the current standards and the 90-day standards, you're a little bit right at the one-year goal. But in that gap in between, the gap between the current standards and the 90-day standards, you look right at the top, gap. And we call this the gap map. And in that gap, you put what has to change between now and 90 days to get going down the hill. How do you make this happen? And so you're running, you're running, you're running. You're running towards a 90-day goal. So you break this two-thirds of the year goal up in 90-day increments. So it makes it more realistic and attainable. And that also allows you then through that to create a vision and a certain amount of consistency on the same goal. See, human nature is shiny object syndrome, I call it. You want to work at a CrossFit gym, but then you find a girl and you start talking to her and that girl competes in, we'll say bodybuilding, maybe a figure, fitness, bikini.


Consistency in planning. (10:59)

She has some sort of other athletic prowess. So you say, well, you know, I could go work out at the other gym. I don't have to work out at a CrossFit gym. Well, that's bullshit because if the goal was to work out in a CrossFit gym, then you owe it to yourself to follow that through. It doesn't mean the girl's not going to like you. It means you have to honor yourself first. But maybe it's time to course correct. Maybe you're 60 days in the goal and you realize, like, the relationship I want with this new young lady or new man is more important than my CrossFit goal. Maybe I just really wanted to be in shape. So we do what's called a course correct. Like, it's not enough to just keep going down the same direction. You have to say, stop for a second. Okay, my new goal is to compete in a bodybuilding contest side by side with this girl. So that's going to require new action steps. You're going to have to recalibrate where you're going two-thirds of the year from now. But what's most important is you have to be happy in the moment. You know, we all set this goal that's so far ahead, and we realize that we're striving for something. And the striving for something is necessary. And that's how we're wired as human beings. We always, the A-type personality, the producer, probably you listen to this podcast, we all want more than what we have today. More money, better body, better relationship, better everything. I think that's human nature. But you have to realize that's a process and it takes progress. But where you're at right now is okay. You have to be present in the moment. Realize that you are going through a process and it takes progress. But where you're at right now is okay.


Be shot you can. (12:23)

You have to be present in the moment. Realize that you are going through a process. Me at 265 pounds right now, I jokingly spoke to Doug inside the office and said, hey, I'd like to do a Murph. And I want to do it with a 40-pound vest on. And I don't know what a Murph is until I ask him what a Murph, what it consists of. He's like, well, you know, that's all well and good, but you step in any CrossFit box and they're probably going to tell you, you probably shouldn't do it to start with. Like you don't have any idea what you're doing. And come to find out it's a one mile run and I think 100 pull-ups and 200 push-ups and 300 air squats and then another mile run. So I find myself to be in decent physical condition right now, but with a 40-pound vest on and never having done any of those things, I'll fucking die. Like, it is not really something I can do right now. So I have to be present in today's environment. Like, I'm happy with the fact that I can train how I train in a 40-pound vest. Like, it feels good every day. I know it's a progression. And I don't think that means you have to embrace the process. I hate that fucking term. Like sure, you have to be cognizant and conscious of the fact you are going through a process and you need to love every second of it, but don't ever lose sight of the goal you're shooting after. So if you're here and present in the moment, you also need to be happy with the fact of where you're at. Not content, just happy. Because there's always someone that has it worse than you. Always a shitload of people have it better. There's always people that have it worse. So when you start showing appreciation for where you're at, but have your mindset on a 90-day challenge outcome that ties itself to a two-thirds of the year challenge outcome, and you are always conscious of it, you write down these goals and you see them every day and you focus on them and you create actionable items that give you vision and consistency. And you put yourself in the mindset of what it's going to feel like when you achieve those goals. And you live that gratitude every day. Whether right before you go to bed, you write it down and you say you're grateful in the present tense as though you've already achieved those things. Or you say it when you wake up. So you can imagine your thing is to compete in a CrossFit competition. But really, let's be honest. None of us want to fucking compete. We all want to win Nobody likes to just compete If you're honest with yourself, I call complete bullshit. There's no fucking chance in the world. You like to just compete you want to win? We all want to win So if you mentally paint yourself in the mindset of what it's going to feel like to hold the trophy the medal the check And you think all the environmental changes and you can keep ingraining that into your subconscious, plus you train and take actionable items towards it, you have a higher chance of succeeding. It's science. It's factual. Not because I'm saying it, because there's countless amounts of research on it. So all these things, when it comes to goal setting, these are all things that I subconsciously was doing with Lindsay. When I first saw her, I wrote down on my phone, like, I need to get this girl. And once I found out more about her and the fact that she was still legally married, I'm like, I got to get this girl and get her to make sure she doesn't go back to her ex-husband. And then once I landed, I'm like, man, I got to make sure she doesn't find out about my other girlfriend, as fucked up as that is. Then once she found out about my other girlfriend, I had to course correct and say, okay, my new goal is to make sure that she knows I'd never do that again, and that I can ultimately marry her one day. And here we are.


Course Correction

Course Correct (15:28)

Like the goal kept moving, but I was very present and very happy in the moment. So where in your life right now could you set a goal to achieve a level of greatness that you currently couldn't experience in your present self? Is it in your body? Do you want to lose 20 pounds, but you have no idea how to do it? So you'd have to be a higher and greater version of yourself to lose that 20 pounds? Maybe it's to ask your wife to marry you. You don't have the savings for it. You're afraid she's going to say no, but you can set that challenge outcome and imagine what that's going to be like getting down on one knee and asking her to marry you. What's it going to feel like when she says yes? Maybe it's in your business. You're so damn tired of working for somebody else, all you want to do is start a business for yourself. And you've had a passion inside your soul, you've had a fire burning in your heart, and you're just petrified to take the fucking leap. Because you know you don't have enough savings. So maybe your challenge outcome is to have enough savings to feel comfortable to go out on your own and finally chase that dream. Whatever these things are, as long as you're taking actionable steps towards your goal every day, it's the epitome of getting shit done. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you consume audio and subscribe to 15 Minutes to Freedom. If this brought you value, please do me a favor and drop me a five-star rating. Then share this podcast with someone who needs to hear it. For additional content, head over to RyanNidell.com. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L dot com.


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