Episode 4: Letting Go - 15 Minutes to Freedom Podcast | Transcription
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You're listening to 15 minutes to freedom with Ryan Nidel. The no filter, no BS show dedicated to your expansion in business, body and relationships. Sit up, listen up and let's go. This is 15 minutes to freedom. I'm your host Ryan Nidel and today's topic is letting go. So after I completed my morning meditation I got to journaling and in that journaling I started thinking about letting go and what that really means and what that means to me personally. And I got to thinking, you know, obviously in order to achieve a higher level of success, you might let go of all that doesn't really serve you for your goals and desires. I mean, it seems simple enough. You have to, you know, quote unquote, let go to let grow. So you can't have these things that are holding you back. You have to let go of them. But that's about as simple for most of us as completing our own open heart surgery. The shit's not easy. I mean, really, I'm sure you know some people in your life right now that go their entire lives unable to let go of the past. Unable to let go of the pain of bad decisions. Allowing themselves just to finally start leveling up and raising to the level of success that they're really destined for. But their past bad decisions, their past shortcomings, their past infidelities, their past shit is stopping them from growing. They built this frame, they built this construct that they're convinced that their old shit makes them who they are today. And don't get me wrong. I believe it lends itself to the fact of you've grown into who you are today based off your past decisions. Both good and bad. Based off your past circumstances. Both good and bad. But that shit doesn't define you. So really, why? Why is it so difficult to let go of those stories? Let go of those confines? I'll have you consider the fact that we've all been taught almost our entire life, in my opinion, to look in the exact wrong direction for the answers.
Silvia Wilkinson About Negative Childhood And Success
Okay to take a look at your childhood experiences (01:45)
You know, I was told when I was young, go to church, God will have the answers. Whatever you look at God to be, and whether you're a Christian, a Jewish individual, a Muslim, it doesn't matter what you are. There's a higher being that you're supposed to go to this congregation where there's other like-minded individuals and you sit there and you pray or you're in front of a group and magically this fucking answer is supposed to appear. And if it's not there, go to your family, go to the people that gave you life. Your parents have to know the right answer. They have to be the one to show this is the way to go. Go left, don't go right. And if it's not them and it's not church, it's go to a counselor. The counselor sure as shit has to know because he went to college for at least eight years to become a certified counselor, to become a clinical practitioner in his craft. So the counselor has to know better than the preacher or than your parents. I think all that is complete and utter bullshit. It's just fucking horse shit. The answers that we all seek are locked somewhere deep inside of ourselves. Now, hold on. Before you freak out and say, you know, I don't have the ability to figure this shit out. That's also bullshit. In the darkest areas of our soul, in the place that we're told not to ever go, that's where the answers lie, in my opinion. You know, none of us had a peachy, I shouldn't say none of us, the majority of us or all of us could look back and say, I had this fucked up thing that happened to me in childhood.
Go to the Dark Place (03:07)
You know, for me it was the trauma of my parents getting divorced. For me it was my mother dating an alcoholic guy that eventually used to come home and beat me. To me, it was my father not being around. To me, it was my father being an asshole when he was around. There were these things that traumatized me that built the frame and the confine and the construct that I would view life through going forward. But until I could go to that fucking dark place, the dark place that hurts, the dark place where you have to look yourself in the mirror and say, like, this is the shit that happened dark place, the dark place that hurts, the dark place where you have to look yourself in the mirror and say like, this is the shit that happened to me. This is stuff that hurts. This is stuff we're not proud of. These are the lies. These are the infidelities. These are the bad habits. Until you can go to that place and get real with it, you can't really get to the place you want to get to. You have to face that shit. You have to look it in the eye and tell it to go fuck itself. You have to convince your old self that that shit has no control over you.
Were taught not to go (04:07)
It's my belief that until the understanding and facing one's own darkest places. We've been taught not to go. Until you can conquer that shit. You can't fully level yourself up. I mean think about that. We all hold on to these old fucking habits that don't get us anywhere we want to get to. Like with me, I'll say my family. My mother was overweight. I'd say still is, as is my sister. In a clinical sense of the word, they are not healthy people. That was the example I was given growing up. I was given the example of fast food on the table at night, bad eating decisions, drinking. I mean, that was my life. There was no health taught in my household. There was no good food groups. There was no healthy meals. That just wasn't my life. So that was the story that I was told. These were the habits that were ingrained in me at a young age. Now, I was fortunate when I went to college, picked up a bodybuilding magazine, and it took a sharp right turn. Realized, fuck, I want a better looking body. I want more than what I've been exposed to, so I could tackle that shit at a young age. But you look at bad eating habits, lack of going to the gym, drinking, drugs, pornography, they're all fucking vices. There's not one of those fucking things that can get you anywhere near where you actually want to get to.
The one thing that would get you anywhere Near where you Actually want to Get To (05:24)
They're all temporary vices There's not one of those fucking things That can get you anywhere near where you actually want to get to They're all temporary Sedated releases as we say in the Warriors way So We use them You know you use alcohol and you say well Ryan I can drink I can have a drink and I'm not sedating anything Well sure maybe there is some sort of liquor Or alcoholic beverage You just absolutely love the way it tastes It's the most refreshing thing in the world. But the majority of motherfuckers on this planet that drink, drink because they're trying to escape something. Drink because they want to be numb to something. Drink because they haven't faced something. It's one thing to have one drink occasionally. It's another thing to have three, four, five, six drinks at a setting until you feel buzzed. And you say, well, I just want to have a good time. So you take the sedation of alcohol to get you buzzed into the fact that you now feel like you're having a good time? Why the fuck can't you go out and have a good time without that? I mean, I know I can. I know you could if you focused on it, but you'd have to start tackling the old shit that bothers you. But see, we all use shit like that. Every one of us has that. We all make fucking bullshit excuses as to why we should be the way that we are. And then why we can't change. You can't change not because of some external bullshit. Not because of, you know, the church didn't give you the right answer. Not because your parents didn't give you the right answer. You can't change because you haven't faced your own internal fucking shit. You haven't looked at yourself in the mirror. You haven't gotten real with what goes on inside of you that you fucking hate. We all have that. My entire 20s, I was a piece of shit. I literally lied. It feels like 24, 7, 365. I had multiple girlfriends, not multiple girlfriends synchronously. I had them all at the same fucking time. I was dating girlfriends, not multiple girlfriends synchronously. I had them all at the same fucking time. I was dating three, four women at the same time that thought I was their one and only. I was telling lies on top of lies on top of lies all day long. And how you do one thing is how you do everything. So I got incredibly good at lying. I got incredibly good at telling just enough of the story that I could justify to myself that my actions were good and pure, but they fucking never were. It was self-serving. It was egotistical. It was egomaniacal. It was deplorable.
Hard on Him (07:29)
I'm not proud of that shit, but that shit also doesn't define me as I'm in my early thirties now and I have a fucking incredible fiance and a wonderful bonus daughter. I would never disrespect them ever the way I did in my twenties. But Lindsay, my fiance, helped me see that there was more to me than the story that I was telling. Because I met Lindsay, make no mistake about it. I wasn't a saint. I wasn't faithful. I still had to carry over from a past relationship that didn't fucking go the right way. I was too much of a chicken shit to own that. I was too much of a fucking pussy to sit down and talk to my now ex-girlfriend and say, this just isn't going to work out long term. I found somebody new or I'm moving forward or even more so be the right fucking man and when shit doesn't go the right way, sit down and say it doesn't and not fear the ramification. But I couldn't because I was weak. Now don't get me wrong. All that internal shit that went into that wiring in that specific relationship was deep down. You may need another set of ears or eyes just like I did. I needed Lindsay to sit down with me and say, I could be better than what I was acting at that current moment in life. I needed someone to grab my hand and show me a little bit of love and compassion and say, you fucking asshole, go this way. Like you're better than this. Just know ultimately the answer that I was searching for. I knew inside of myself, I knew I was better than my actions. I was just a fucking coward. I just needed that one little tipping point in my mind to have one person say, I'm not going to run away from you. Like you're better than this. And I'm going to make sure from you. You're better than this, and I'm going to make sure you see that you're better than this. So you even look back at that time in my life specifically, where I was being unfaithful to everything possible, was just not a good person. The people that I was surrounding myself with at that point in life thought that it was okay to cheat on their spouses. They thought it was okay to cheat on their girlfriends. They thought that if they weren't around them and they could justify it in their head, that it didn't count as quote-unquote cheating. That they would go out and drink and party. Those people didn't serve me. They didn't have some golden ticket that showed me a different level of prosperity. They actually had the opposite. They were a fucking boat anchor in my life. These people that encouraged me to drink and to cheat and to lie and quote unquote had my back, the guys that were my quote unquote boys, the ones that I could text them in a moment and say, hey, I need you to say X, Y, and Z and then delete it. And they would do it to have my back. Those are pieces of fucking shit. And I was one of those people. I was one of the people that would watch out for my boy's back. But in reality, at this point in life, watching out for my boy's back means checking him up when he's about to make a dumb fucking decision and giving him an opportunity to make the right decision. And if he skins his knees one time, grab him by the back of the neck and convince him he's better than that. But the second fucking time he doesn't, I don't need to do shit other than find a new fucking friend. Because those motherfuckers drag you down. Those are the people that don't get you to where you want to get to. Those are the people that need to be cut loose. Those are the friends that can be the determining factor, ultimately your success or your failure.
The single most important element to success (10:37)
I mean, you think about it, leveling up in your life is not easy. It's fucking painful. You have to let go of a bunch of shit that you don't want to let go of. Old stories you've convinced yourself are true. Old friendships that you think are the greatest thing in the world, but you ultimately know they're not. Old habits that have become comfortable, but ultimately don't serve you for shit. You have to focus on letting go of all of this. And letting go just isn't easy. You know, to me, as human beings, as creatures on this planet, we're taught to hoard things almost. You know, keep your belongings, keep your possessions, keep those that are close to you close. What happens when the motherfuckers that you hung out with just aren't the people that are going to get you to where you want to you close? What happens when the motherfuckers that you hung out with just aren't the people that are going to get you to where you want to get to? You don't hold on to those people anymore. You don't hold on to the bad eating habits that you were taught as a young child.
Role Of Decision In Success
The choice to let go (11:34)
You don't hold on to the drug habits or the drinking of the people around you. You don't have to hang on to these stories. It's a choice. So in my life, I've had to rewire myself to let go of all these old stories. To let go of the fact that I had bad shit in my childhood that made it so I could give myself a hall pass to act a certain way now. I had to let go of the stories that I couldn't be faithful. That it was just genetically encoded in us as men to go out and spread our seed. I had to let go of the story that I had to be 300 pounds and low body fat in order to be more of a man. I had to let go of all the shit that didn't fucking serve me. So why was it so goddamn tough? Coming out the other side of the first level of things I've let go of, it doesn't feel tough at all.
Self Questioning For Personal Growth
A question to ask yourself (12:22)
But in the moment, it was almost fucking debilitating. So as I'm wrapping up today's podcast, I have a question for you. If you're honest with yourself, just yourself, don't give a shit if you tell anybody else, what are the areas in your life that you're just not letting go of things? We all have them. Mine used to be, I wouldn't let go of the fact that I couldn't be faithful. And then it was, I wouldn't let go of the fact that I couldn't be faithful. And then it was, I couldn't let go of the fact that I didn't need to lie. Then I didn't let go of the fact that everybody was going to run away from me that cared about me. I couldn't let go of those things. Those were my things I had to let go of up to right now. So in your area, in your life, whether it's in your body or in your relationships with your spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend or kids or even in your business, what are the bullshit stories that you're not letting go of? When you think about those in the quiet of your own mind, what action items can you take to start to break down those walls and those confines so you can grow into the person that you're destined to be? Guys, I encourage you to take action on that shit and start letting go of the person that you're destined to be. Guys, I encourage you to take action on that shit and start letting go of the stuff that doesn't serve you. The biggest thing above all is no matter what you do every day, you have to take actionable items to achieve success. That's why at the end of every episode, I'm going to encourage you to get shit done. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L dot com.