Episode 45: Sharing Is Not Caring - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 45: Sharing Is Not Caring - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast".


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Intro (00:00)

This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is Sharing is Not Caring. So I grew up, you know, you're told to share. Share your toys, share the food you have. Give things to others. Just generally share, right?

Life Story And Personal Experiences

Some Things about Ryan Neidell (GOAT (00:18)

I mean, at least that's how I was brought up. Midwest values, Midwest guy, middle America, kind of right down the middle. And in that, you know, I've tried to apply that into every aspect of my life going forward. If I have something, I share it. Whether it's the knowledge that I have or whether it's the small amount of wealth I've accumulated or whatever I have, it's open to those that need it. And that makes me feel good. But also, I share what experiences I've had in life, both good and bad, hence this podcast. This is a thing that provides clarity for me in sharing my stories and sharing things and lessons I've learned. But what I'm finding is in some of this sharing that people don't receive it the way that it's intended. So one of the prime examples of this is a story with a local friend of Lindsay and I's. This husband and wife combination, I met them way back when, when I was actually selling Mercedes-Benz. Before I took over in a managerial position, before I excelled up through the ranks I literally took a step from Mansfield as a general sales manager down to just a salesperson to get in the highline car sales arena. And from that to cold winter's day, I'm going to make up the month. It probably doesn't much matter. I'll say it's January, February. And for those of you from the Midwest or from Ohio specifically, you know that the dark days of January and February where it's cold and blistery, snow's pouring down, are some of the most miserable times ever. It's really hard to stay focused, especially in the car business, when you have to go out and clean off the cars, and customers aren't coming in. Lord knows, especially not a Mercedes-Benz client. I mean, those customers, it's more of a purchase because they want one, not because they need one. So they wait and pick and select the best days. So it's late on a Monday, statistically a slow day, and I see a car, I believe it was a Ford Explorer, slowly drive around the parking lot. And a Ford Explorer isn't typically a customer that would come in that prejudging, predispositioning what someone has the availability or ability to buy. I wouldn't expect the person driving a Ford Explorer to necessarily have the wealth to buy a Mercedes-Benz. But we all start somewhere, so they're driving through the lot, and all of a sudden there's a salesperson. Man, I'm literally motherfucking these people because it's 6.30 and we close at 7. But they pull up to the front door. They get out of their car. It's a shorter man, balding, beard, nicely kept, and a woman. And the woman's fairly bundled up, has a hood up over her head with, you know, the fur around the brim of the hood. And she's carrying this little tiny dog in her arm. And so they walk up to the front door.

Bucking a Ford Explorer Waiting for Bonkey (02:56)

They kind of scurry as I'm holding the front door, greeting them, because I certainly don't want to go outside and freeze my rear end off like they're doing. As they come inside, and the gentleman's name is Scott and he introduced himself to me. And then this woman with this incredible Southern draw named Dana extends her hand and they introduced me to their dog, Bonkey. And so we go back and forth and we laugh. And the whole time I'm saying this woman looks incredibly familiar and don't really know why. I mean, I haven't been in Columbus that long and I certainly didn't know them from anywhere. And so days progress and weeks progress and eventually they end up buying a new car. We trade in the Ford Explorer, the car's for Dana. They've been husband and wife for quite some time. And it comes out that she has had a business or they have a business together in which she's a model. And she's posed for fitness magazines and all types of different publications. And it's funny because, like I said, I knew that she looked familiar. And in some of my previous episodes, you remember there's an episode that I discuss how I first got into bodybuilding. And I'm walking around the University of Cincinnati's campus and I grab a bodybuilding magazine. I grab this bodybuilding magazine because there's a woman on the cover that's attractive Well, that was multiple years before this encounter But that woman that was on the inside and called the centerfold ended up being the same woman about the car It's all it's all self-encompassing and So through time this husband and wife have become pretty good friends of mine. Nice, kind people, have a great business, travel the country, travel the world actually, doing some incredible photography shoots, and just really salted-earth people. And as Lindsay, now my wife, and I have expanded our social circle, it came time to have a dinner with them, in making sure that we're not hermits. You know, it's very easy for me in my life to be what I'll call an introverted extrovert, where I love talking to people, love being out selling, love having the podcast, love connecting with everybody I can. But then when I go home, I really want to shut it all off. I want to put my phone away. I want to focus on my family. I don't really care to go out and intermingle with more people when it's just Lindsay and I. So we make a date and a time to go out to dinner with Scott and Dana. We have a great dinner, local place to where we live. First time I'd been there. Really great food, great conversation. And the conversation takes all types of twists and turns from where they've traveled to where they're going next, how their business is, to how my business is and how fitness has evolved. Kind of just, it's an easy flowing conversation. I'm sure you guys have had them yourself. to where they're going next, how their business is, to how my business is and how fitness has evolved. It's an easy-flowing conversation. I'm sure you guys have had them yourself. It seemed like the night could have went on forever. I don't really recall, but at some point in this conversation, I end up sharing, or we share as couples, some things that we do in our personal life. Basically, sexual activities.

Just Beautiful Human Beings (05:42)

Not in an off-the-cuff way, not in a way that's disgusting or too boisterous. I don't even remember the exact context of how it came out or why it came out. It was such a passing that it didn't really much matter. And I'm bringing this up because I was reminded of it late last week. So we're having this conversation, eventually turned sexual, and I'm sure it lasted there for minutes, not hours. You know, very quick. And we laugh and we joke and we continue on. Like I said, it was a blip on the radar. It doesn't even register right now as to what was said. Fast forward to present day. So this is going back now a year and a half, perhaps even longer since this dinner was. And I'm, through this podcast, connecting with people from all over the country, really all over the world. I mean, I'm downloaded in 117 countries right now, plus or minus. And so through this, I get pretty consistent messages, which I love hearing, of that this episode has done this for me, that episode's done that for me, keep it up, appreciate the good work, whatever it is. It's empowering. I tell everybody that messaged me, I'm humbled, I'm honored. The fact that you take time out of your day to listen to what i say is truly like the wildest thing in the world to me like the fact that this podcast is gaining notoriety that makes you want to listen is truly incredible to me but from that i get these men and women that connect and share their messages some good some bad everything in between and so there's a woman that connects with me and says you you know, going through some things in my life, potentially interested in some coaching, need some help, this, that, the other.

Its Personal (06:48)

She's a married woman, has kids, everything's good. And so I've started to consider going down the coaching path before. I mean, I enjoy helping others. It's something that gives me immense fulfillment. I haven't known how to charge somebody for that, or even that I was qualified to charge somebody for it. But I look at it now that if I can share my life lessons and the things I've done to overcome my shortcomings, Lord knows they're not all fixed, but the stuff I've done up to this point that's made me better than who I was, if someone else can grab value from what I've done, then it's a pretty easy way to coach. And so this woman's going down this path of coaching with me and asking for more information. And really, it takes a day or two. I'm on my honeymoon. We're having this conversation. So it's pretty passive. You know, it's definitely not consuming my day. It's done through Instagram Messenger. Very high level. Well, I got a call from Dana two days later that Dana knows this woman. Dana knows this lady. And she's saying, look, this lady's just bad news. I don't know what you have going on with her, but you're probably best to stay away from her. Things came up in conversation, and I know she wants to work with you, but the tensions might not be so clean and so pure. Well, I'm shocked. There's been no part of my conversation, especially I've just gotten married, and I'm certainly not going to step out on my fiancee, wife, best friend. I mean, it's not even an opportunity. It doesn't even cross my mind that this could be going that way. The conversation's all been very highbrow, but I trust Dana and Scott at this point. I trust them that when they call and say, look, there's some things here you probably want to stay away from. We know this person and it's probably best I stay away. That's just how this should work. So I say thank you, you know, in just complete transparency. Thank you guys for watching out for me. If you say stay away, that's all how this should work. So I say thank you, you know, in just complete transparency. Thank you guys for watching out for me. If you say stay away, that's all I need to hear. So then I very kindly connect with this individual and say, look, thanks for your time. Really not able to take coaching clients right now. I think you got it on your own. Things are better left unsaid. She then proceeds to go into bombarding me with a few messages, sharing that she knows some intimate details of my life. Oddly enough, the same intimate details that I shared with Dana and Scott a year and a half ago at a dinner.

Many Intimate Details shared (09:08)

Now, these intimate details, I'm not bashful. I don't get red-faced about sexual activity. My wife and I have a very healthy sexual relationship. We're in love. It's simple. Life is good. But the fact that someone that I trusted, that I looked as a close friend, felt it appropriate to share what I had shared with them caught me off guard. It didn't catch me off guard because I was mad that it was shared. I guess it caught me off guard because I was confused by the fact of something that was so passive in such minimal conversation apparently became such a sticking point. It became something that was shared. And then when I brought it up, so I'm wired now that things just don't really get swept under the rug with me. If something bothers me, I say it. If I think you might have wronged me, I bring it up to you. There's no need for me to talk behind your back. That's pretty weak in my opinion. So no sooner do I get these messages than I copy the message and I forward them on to Dana. Dana, here, this is what's happening. Essentially, I'm frustrated by this, not at the fact that I shared it with you because I would share anything openly, but the fact that then my sharing got reciprocated, that it went down the food chain, and now it's being thrown back at me as though it's some sort of means of degrading my relationship.

Your sharing can be triggers to others (10:10)

Of course, she has her responses to that and her responses are all valid. There's nothing that she did that was inappropriate to me because I shared something and the minute I share it, then it becomes available for the world to consume. I can't tell you that I went almost bankrupt and had my truck repossessed if I'm not willing to have it be brought up later in the future. I can't tell you that I used to cheat on Lindsay or cheated on every past girlfriend if I'm not ready to have that be brought back up and used against me now. So in part of sharing this authentic truth at this dinner from a year and a half ago, it comes full circle now in the present day of just understanding the fact that what you say and how you say it will resonate with people and they'll remember it. And as they're remembering it, they might choose to use it against you or use it to make themselves feel better. They might be doing it not even in a malice or malicious way. Them sharing it could be nothing more than the fact of in just loose conversation to keep a conversation flowing, but the way that then affects the person they're saying it to makes them remember you in a different way. All this is very confusing to me because maybe I'm just too flippant or have a short attention span like a goldfish, but I don't remember pointless conversations.

Importance Of Responsibility

Remember: respond, never react (11:30)

I can't tell you anything about that dinner that we had a year and a half ago, but apparently others can. And so as you look at your life right now and you think about all the different conversations you have, all the different ways you talk to different people, whether it's through social media, whether you're commenting on people's posts, whether you're posting your own stuff, whether it's text message or voice message, or maybe even interpersonal relationships when you're face-to-face with somebody, how you say what you say matters. Because these shares, I'll call them, you sharing parts of your life, even if you think it's very passive, you don't know how that's going to trigger somebody else. And not that you should ever adjust how you share based off the audience you sit with, but you should be cognizant of who you're speaking to.

Summary Of Ups And Downs

All of these ups and downs is reflective (12:13)

You should at least be aware of the fact that if you don't want something to be shared aloud, there's only one way to keep it internal, and that's don't open your fucking mouth. You've got to keep it inside, which for me is not an issue. I now understand at this point in my life, the more that I share, the more that I put out in the open, the less that then somebody can kind of hold it over me. I'm okay if you know all my dark skeletons in my closet, but it's taking time to create this shell that allows me to have power in this versus feel weak. So as you look at your life, we'll talk about your business right now. Where in your business are you maybe speaking too much out of school? Are you around the water fountain at work or going in the bathroom and you think you're in good company because you're talking to your friend, using the restroom, washing your hands, talking about how much of a jerk the boss is. Fully knowing that the boss heard he was a jerk and he didn't already address it to his face or her face, it's going to end up bad for you. Maybe it's at the gym. You're sitting there with your buddy working out, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, whatever it is, and you're sitting there poking fun at the person across the gym that's struggling to get through a workout because it makes you feel better about yourself. Instead of not knowing the fact that this person maybe has a medical disability or maybe it's just finally on their path to fitness and they're already insecure to come in the gym, but yet they're here and you're talking poorly about them to their very unshaped daughter, brother, sister who's right next to you, who you don't know that's them. Maybe it's your relationships. Maybe your relationships have become a little convoluted with how quick you are to talk about others to your partner. When all you're doing in talking about others and not talking to them directly is downgrading your own personal power. doing and talking about others and not talking to them directly is downgrading your own personal power. So all these things are all actionable items that if every day you watch what you say and you say what you mean, you end up getting shit done. Hey guys, Ryan here. Thanks for joining me today. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you consume audio and subscribe to 15 minutes to freedom. If this brought you value, please do me a favor and drop me a five-star rating. Then share this podcast with someone who needs to hear it. For additional content, head over to RyanNidell.com. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L.com.

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