Episode 47: Live By A Code - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "Episode 47: Live By A Code - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast".
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This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Neidell, and today's episode is We Live by a Code. So this morning on the way into the office, I was having a conversation with one of my closest friends. This friend's name is TJ. TJ is actually, or was, my college roommate freshman year at University of Cincinnati. Him and I took five years and didn't speak. Not because we didn't like each other, just life got in the way. Things became less important. Now, we've made a commitment to since not go through that ever again. And not going through that, it's not because we necessarily need each other, but we generally enjoy each other's company. I'm sure much like you have people in your life that you enjoy their company, that you just drift apart for whatever the reasons. So TJ was kind enough to fly from South Carolina, where he lives, out to Venice Beach for Lindsay and I's wedding. I couldn't have been more happier he was a part of it. I mean, literally to have this man that played an integral role in my life my freshman year of college and then stayed close with me at least through the rest of college and into the first years of our adult careers, it was great, you know, that you look at it's been 10 years really, 12 years, and we're still in touch.
Embracing Personal Codes And Action Plans
And not only are we still in touch, we're still close friends. Now, oddly enough, he ended up taking the path after college of jumping into the car business. And he's worked his way up through the Sonic Automotive Group and is now a finance director for one of their stores in South Carolina. It's really incredible. I mean, much the same path. He's just still going down that path and is now starting to question some of where things sit. And him and I have had multiple conversations about life and what's important and what's not and the time it takes to be inside of a dealership.
And it's humbling. He called me actually last night and I was busy. It was later in the evening. And I try to make a point that once I get home for the evening, I try to put my phone down and just focus on my family. Because if I don't, work is always there. There's always something else that I can be doing that's not focusing on my family. It's not fair to them. And so I told him I'd call him back and admittedly I didn't, which is not right, but nonetheless, I didn't call him back and he calls me this morning and he calls to share with me that the impact of the previous day's message from 15 Minutes to Freedom, this podcast, was one of the most insightful messages he's had before. And what's going to be a little unique for this situation or in complete transparency to you guys, I record all these episodes on one take. I don't have notes written down anymore. I don't pre-plan this. I literally, as I'm driving around, as I'm thinking about things, I put one sentence in my phone. When I sit down to record podcasts, I look at that sentence and I just go. And so he laughingly called me the Jay-Z of podcasting. You know, Jay-Z, for those of you that don't know, has been known now after his Black album to not write down any of his lyrics. He just goes in the booth, and whatever comes out of his mind and out of his heart is what we hear on the radio. So we laugh about that, and he shares with me the impact. And I said, look, TJ, I don't even know what the episode was yesterday. You know, I record these episodes. It's typically somewhere between seven and 10 days we record them prior to them launching. Give the phenomenal team that I surround myself with plenty of time to edit the audio and make sure it's clean and crisp and precise for you guys to listen to, and then come up with the social media fodder that we market this with, make sure that all the promotions are set up, and make sure we're good to go. So he's describing that the episode he listened to yesterday was the four keys, and how impactful that was that you could literally take something that is an actionable item, move something from the important and non-urgent quadrant of your life and move it to the important and urgent quadrant and make actionable decisions every week to ensure the fact that you're empowered, to ensure the fact that you're heading towards your goal every week. It puts you in power. It takes things that you hope to get done one day and makes you get them done this week. It puts you in power. It takes things that you hope to get done one day and makes you get them done this week. So as we're talking about this, I said, look, the next evolution of this is something that we call the code. The four keys are not an individual and unique idea to me. As I've shared, those are part of something that I call the Wake Up Warrior Movement. And the Wake Up Warrior Movement and everything that surrounds that was created by Garrett J. White. He's got podcasts. Definitely check him out. It's Warrior on Fire and a couple of the other podcasts that he has. A little go to iTunes or SoundCloud or Citra, type in Garrett J.
Live a code (04:14)
White or type in Wake Up Warrior and you'll see all of his content. So this stuff isn't unique. It's just something that is ingrained inside of me. So I share it. And all of the Wake Up Warrior Movement and all of how I live my life now, is based off something called the code. So we believe in Wake Up Warrior that everything has to stack on top of each other, and you can't start to make massive changes in your life until you make the basic changes that are required. And the first pillar of this is that we live by a code.
Stay relevant (04:36)
And we live by a code, it has four different quadrants, so be real, get raw, stay relevant, and be ruthlessly committed to big-ass results. And so I haven't shared all this with TJ in the moment. I just say, look, but I'm going to record the next part of this. I'm going to record what it is to live by the code. And so that's what this episode is, is diving into that. What do these things mean, and how are they applicable to my life? And through my life, hopefully your life. So being real, what does that mean?
Be real (05:08)
It basically means at the core level, stop fucking lying. Now you're instantly going to say, if you're anything like me, I don't lie. I tell the truth now. I don't lie to anybody. I'm going to challenge you for a second to think about your life and where you actually could be lying. They don't have to be massive lies. They don't have to be these, you know, boisterous, multi-level lies. It can be something as simple as, I always come up with the example, if I commit to meet you at eight o'clock in the morning and I value your time and I value my time and our appointment together, I'm going to leave my house in plenty of time to make it there by 8 o'clock. I'm probably going to arrive by 745 or 750 just to ensure the fact that I honor my commitment and I honor you. But what happens if I show up at 805?
Behavior Beyond Lies (05:54)
And I say, man, traffic was just bad. I'm sorry I'm late, but traffic is just atrocious. So it's true. Traffic was bad. That is a true statement. I was probably detained because it took me longer to get from point A to point B than I planned on. But the truth of the matter is, I didn't give a shit enough about the appointment that I held and my own word to ensure the fact I left my house enough time to be there on time. That's truthful. The actual truth is I didn't give a shit enough about you to make the right decision. Now, that's a tough pill to swallow. That's not easy to share out loud that I didn't care enough about you. When you start shifting your mindset and you start looking at where you're really lying, at least lying to yourself, lying to probably your family and your friends, lying to coworkers, and you're honest with yourself, it becomes massively impactful to knock that shit off. Like I'll challenge you for the next 24 hours to keep a little note in your phone or in a journal or something you carry around with you every time that you tell a lie, no matter how big or how small. A lie of not being somewhere on time, a lie of not falling through with your word, a lie of fabricating or over-exaggerating a story. These are all little insignificant lies that change the moral fiber of how you're wired. You just don't realize it. None of us realize it because this is the way the world works. You know, in the social media age, we all post the best and brightest parts of our life. Nobody really likes to post the dark shit. Nobody likes to post the fact of, I cheated on my girlfriend. Nobody likes to say, I had businesses that failed, or relationships that have failed, or I'm addicted to drugs. Nobody likes to post the fact of I cheated on my girlfriend. Nobody likes to say I had businesses that failed or relationships that have failed or I'm addicted to drugs. Nobody likes that shit, but that's real. That's honest. That's the way the world works. Those are real life events that have happened. So when you get real with things, then you can start to become raw with them. So once you tell the truth about something, then you can start to explore how that really makes you feel. So being raw is owning your feelings. You see, as men, we're taught not to own our feelings, at least to subdue them. We're not supposed to cry. You know, I was taught as a young man coming up, you know, be a man, quote unquote, be a man. Now, I can only speak to the men that are listening to this right now because I don't know what it's like to be a female. But I know growing up as a man, when my dad told me, suck it up, don't cry, be a man about it, that is ingrained in most young men from a very young age. Well, that's completely fucking wrong. When you subdue and you suppress those feelings and emotions, then you become numb to what it is to live. So when you get real with the fact that you lied to somebody, for me, it makes me feel like shit. So it's a tough pill to swallow to look somebody in the eye and say, look, I lied to you. I didn't value your time enough to be here. And for that, I generally feel like a piece of shit. I feel horrible about it. And then own those feelings and be real with them in the moment. Don't just let them pass by. Be there now. Be in that moment of just, fuck, I messed this up. Because when you get real with the actual facts and you get raw with how it makes you feel, then you can change the outcome going forward. That becomes ingrained in your psyche and you probably don't want to feel that again. But what happens is, again, as men, we've been taught to just be the man. Don't say that things hurt our feelings. Don't say that we're upset by things. Don't ever cry. Don't show emotion. You know, when I saw Lindsay walk down the aisle, I cried in front of 35 of my closest friends and colleagues. I was so overcome with gratitude and with her beauty and just the way that that moment felt with the warm breeze blowing off the ocean and the sun beaming down in the sky and her walking down the stairs in her white dress with her dad on her arm and just making eye contact with her. It was like nobody else existed. I was just overcome with emotion. So I cried. Yeah, I own it. I cried. But there were tears of joy. Same thing with this morning. Linda and I have a conversation about miles and him passing and just, you know, the way that that feels and she's had connections with just, you know, the way that that feels. And she's had connections with Miles, you know, afterwards. And that's a whole nother conversation for a different, different podcast. But in that, she feels that Miles is still in some turmoil. And so Miles has been heavy on my heart and on my mind for a little while. So I share a post on, on social media about him and one of his, you know, posts from months and months ago about what it is and what is your why. And I cry. I cry because I miss him. Now, I'm not sobbing. I'm not bawling. But I'm raw with that emotion in the moment of like, man, I wish this guy was here. Like he's supposed to be around. I know he's around. And there's been so many gifts that he's given me. They're here every day. This podcast is one of the gifts that he has given me, telling me just to go, just to move forward. But nonetheless, I still miss him. So there's emotion attached to it. There's a rawness associated with it. So I have to be real with the fact I miss him and then get raw with the fact I cried about it. But I have to make it relevant. And to make that relevant, it's what's the message? How can I find some clarity out of that? And what am I going to do about it? Well, the clarity that I find in this is that Miles is never coming back. But the gifts that he's left and the emotion that's attached to this is that Miles is never coming back. But the gifts that he's left and the emotion that's attached to it are powerful. They're impactful. They're something that drives me in some subconscious capacity every day. Just like I'm sure you have things in your life that are driving you. You just have to be real and then raw with them to make it relevant to your life.
So I can make it relevant that the people that are in my life now, I need to make sure that they know how fucking important they are to me fairly consistently. Because if not, and something happens, heaven forbid, and they pass on and I don't know, they don't know how much I cared about them, then I'm selling myself short and I'm going to have to be forced with regret going forward. And that regret is a choice. My actions today will dictate the amount of regret I feel in the future. So I don't have to worry about it. So after you make things relevant in your life, then you can be ruthlessly committed to big-ass results. And what that means is in the situation of Miles in taking this all the way through, I was real with the fact that, you know, he's dead and I miss him. And I'm raw with the fact that I was crying at the fact he's not here. And I make it relevant in the fact that I need to make sure that everybody around me and I miss him. And I'm raw at the fact that I was crying at the fact he's not here. And I make it relevant in the fact that I need to make sure that everybody around me knows that they matter. And being ruthlessly committed to big ass results is then taking that and creating an action plan around it that I need to let the people know that matter in my life, that they matter at least once a week.
Create a ritual action plan around what matters (11:49)
And be heartfelt and be sincere about it. Not just a passing like, oh, thanks buddy, I appreciate you. Like a genuine, you fucking matter a ton to me. Thank you for being in my life. I don't know what I'd do without you. So taking that all the way through, like that is what living by a code really is. But it all starts at the basis of just stop fucking lying to yourself. Stop lying to yourself about how you feel. Stop lying to yourself about being laid to places. Stop lying to yourself about things you don't really want to do, but you feel socially obligated to commit to. This weekend here in Columbus is a memorial tournament, big golf tournament. Every year, everybody from Columbus goes to this memorial tournament that to me is fucking pointless. It's a bunch of drunk assholes parading around a golf course, acting like big shots, just being jackasses. Like I don't care about it at all. And so Lindsay wants to go to the Memorial tournament on Saturday because all of her friends are going. Well, I'm real with her in the moment. I don't want to fucking go to the Memorial tournament because I don't care about it. I don't care about golf. I don't care about drinking. I don't be around a bunch of drunk assholes. Like that is very real for the moment. And I'm raw with it that I'm getting pissed off even thinking about it. I'm pissed off right now thinking I might have to do it. So I'm like, fuck no, I don't want to go. And how I make that relevant is I've been there before and I've experienced that so many times in my life that I already know what's coming. And the ruthless commitment to big ass results, the fact that I don't give one flying fuck what goes on this weekend, I am not going to Memorial Tournament. I'm also not going to drink. I'm also not going to drink. I'm also not going to be a drunk asshole. If she wants to go, I'll stay home with Gianna. She can have all the fun she wants. I'll go pick her up. Don't care. So as you look at your life, are you living by the code right now? Are you living by a code? And if you are, how committed to this code are you? Because again, it's a conscious decision every day to live by this code. But when you live by the code, life becomes very clear. So let's take your business for example. Where in your life are you bullshitting those people around you? Maybe it's the time you show up to work. Maybe it's that you take more than an hour lunch break. Maybe it's that you're really doing your job to the best capacity every day. Or maybe you're lying to people about the sales numbers you actually generate. Those are all fucking lies. But it's never too late to change that lie. You can start owning the fact of where you're really at. Because until you really know where you're at, you can't determine where you're going to go. It's not easy to get there. Maybe it's in your personal relationship. Maybe you're with a young lady or young man and you're in a committed relationship. But you know deep down in your heart that it's not the right committed relationship. So you're going through the motions. There's nothing wrong with the relationship. It's healthy. It's happy. You're not cheating on them. But you know there's something missing. And so instead of sitting down and having the tough-ass conversation that you don't want to have, you're lying to yourself and lying to your partner about the fact that things are just good. When you really deserve fucking great, but you don't have greatness because you're not allowing it into your life.
Find your code/gateway (14:42)
So you're lying and then you're not raw with the emotions of it. You can't make it relevant. You're going down this path of self-destruction. You can't even see it. Or maybe it's in your body. You say, man, summer's almost here. I want to have a six-pack for summer.
Overcoming Personal Lies
Stop lying to yourself (15:04)
I just want to be in shape. Maybe it's not even a six-pack. Maybe I just want to feel better about my body. But here we are on a Thursday night that I'm recording this podcast, and you're going to go home and have pizza and beer, or pick up fast food on the way home, or have a glass of wine before bed, and you're doing little to nothing to actually make a conscious commitment to changing your outcome. You're fucking lying to yourself. Stop lying. That's the basis for living by a code. And when you live by a code every day in its base capacity, that's the most true way to get shit done. Hey guys, Ryan here. Thanks for joining me today. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you consume audio and subscribe to 15 minutes to freedom. If this brought you value, please do me a favor and drop me a five-star rating. Then share this podcast with someone who needs to hear it. For additional content, head over to ryanneidel.com. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L.com.