Episode 6: Lies - 15 Minutes to Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 6: Lies - 15 Minutes to Freedom Podcast".

1970-01-01T01:21:08.000Z

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Introduction

Intro (00:00)

You're listening to 15 minutes to freedom with Ryan Nidell the no filter no BS show dedicated to your expansion in business body and relationships sit up listen up and let's go. Welcome to 15 minutes to freedom. I'm your host Ryan Nidell and today's topic is telling the fucking truth. fucking truth. So as we look at the truth, as we look at what goes on in life and what the things are that we're embarrassed of, all the shit that we hide, the things that we're not proud of, really the shit that we're embarrassed of, it's come to my attention, it's come to my realization that telling the truth is a fucking difficult task.


Understanding Lies And Truth In Business

Telling the Fucking Truth (00:25)

Think about it. Before you start judging what that really means, think about all the little tiny white lies that you think don't hurt anybody. The little ones. Like you're five minutes late to work, and what you do is you blame it on traffic, right? You fight rush hour. There was an accident on the 405. I couldn't make it in time. I'm sorry. I'll do better tomorrow, right? I mean, that's pretty normal. But really, what the fuck are you saying? You're saying that you didn't care enough To get up early enough And you didn't hold your job in high enough regard To ensure the fact that you were there Before the time you were supposed to That's what telling the real truth is It's not because of the fucking accident The accident is a byproduct of you not being prepared For what you're supposed to be prepared for But none of us look at it that way What about when you have a meeting scheduled With a friend or a colleague after hours And you just forget And so a colleague after hours and you just forget? And so you call that colleague and you say something to save their feelings and not hurt them. That thing could be, ah, shit, work ran over or my wife needs me home or whatever it could be. But all that's a bunch of bullshit. What it is, you didn't care enough to actually show up. It wasn't important enough to you. So there's this weird thing about telling the truth. It all starts with a little white lie. It starts with the little lies that we tell ourselves every day that are quote unquote okay to tell because we've all been told like as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, it doesn't really matter. Or if I omit the truth, it doesn't matter. And fuck, I've been one of the best at this in the world. My 20s were a complete fucking shit show. world. My 20s were a complete fucking shit show. Yeah, I'll own it. My 20s were miserable. If I go back to my early 20s, from the first time I can remember dating a girl, a serious relationship, I struggled with being faithful. I'm not proud of it. I'm not pounding my chest saying it. I'm not embarrassed by it either. It's what happened in life. So I look back, I would come up with all these fucking stories about these places I was going and these things I was doing and none of them were true. Every time I would tell this story was because I was justifying my position to go out somewhere else and find another colleague, find another girl, find somebody else, go flirt with people, go drink at a bar. It didn't matter. But what was not possible for me in that moment was looking this girl in the eye, looking this woman in the eye and saying, look, I need X, Y, and Z. I need these four things. I need these 20 things. I need this one thing from you that you're not providing for me. And so if we can't get on that page, I'm going to go find somebody else. Instead, I was weak as fuck. I was fucking horse shit, completely weak and not able to sit down and look a young lady in her eye and say, you don't have what I need and I'm going to let you go so you can go find happiness and so can I. Instead, I would just go out and find new happiness. I would find somebody else and keep that same girl around because she was 7 out of 10 things I needed. So I would just convince myself I would upgrade and find somebody else that was 9 out of 10. And so this cycle continues. And so now all of a sudden there's two women, you know, I'm dating two women now at the same time and it's deplorable. It's again, this isn't a thing that I'm proud of. This is factual though. This is you call and find shit about my history. This is real shit. So now I'm dating two women that think I'm their one and only they're convinced. And I'm juggling both. I'm juggling schedules. I'm lying. I'm manipulating. I'm not able to tell the truth. And that's just in one vein of life.


Business Lies (03:47)

So as I pivot and I look around and I really look at what's going on, that then starts to transcend into the business world where I'm working in a car dealership. I'm doing things that are not necessarily so ethical. I'm not lying to customers intentionally, but I'm skimping on service. I'm doing things that I know I could do better, but I'm choosing not to because I'm justifying the fact that it's just a little lie. It's just a little omission of truth. It doesn't matter. No one's affected by it. But then that starts to transcend into my body. As I'm looking at my body, I'm convincing myself that the anabolics that I'm filling myself through aren't hurting me. I'm lying to myself. I'm kidding myself that all this shit doesn't matter. And this continues and it progresses. And instead of two women, where the average man would just stop and recalibrate and clear the deck and not be a fucking pussy, I became worse. I found a third. So now I'm dating three different women, three different parts of town, three different sides of town, and I'm just consistently fucking lying all the time. Not some of the time, not occasionally from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, I am lying my ass off. And it sets a tone for how my twenties go. Cause this doesn't start at 20 and end at 22. 20s go. Because this doesn't start at 20 and end at 22. This goes from really 21, 22 up to 28, 29. It's always this seesaw effect. It's always this rolling tumbleweed where I'm just gathering steam. I'm gaining more traction on what the fuck is going on. And it's not really traction. It's something that, again,'m proud of It's nothing that i'm excited about this traction that i'm gaining is traction of Deceit, it's like the better I become at lying The more i'm able to keep lying to new people And so i'm lying to friends I don't have anybody in my life that's telling me like look be a fucking man Don't be a piece of shit. Stop lying to everybody clear the deck Find what you want. I'm not able to do that. I'm fucking weak It's horrible. And so these three women eventually turned into four. I leave the car business. I get into another industry, web hosting and internet marketing. And all of a sudden, there's a fourth person because now there's a new city for me to conquer. Now there's a new thing to do. And the lies just keep stacking up and stacking up and stacking up. And eventually, just like all good lies, they all come to a head.


New lies and painful decisions (06:08)

And I would love to say it was because I was enough of a man to finally look these women in the eye and say, I'm a piece of shit, but that would be way too easy. That wasn't my path. I mean, if I'm going to do anything, I'm going to do way above and beyond what anybody else is capable of. So my path becomes coming home one day and having the first two find out about each other and they're having a conversation and they met face to face. Then that turns into the third, third woman and they find out about her and they start communicating with her. And then of course, at that point I have three women on my front yard that I can say, well, fuck, I might as well tell you about the fourth. And so I let it go. I go from telling this small, incidental white lie in my mind to one woman where I can look at her and say, you're just not fulfilling X. I don't say that. I say she's great. To the outside world, she has every checkbox marked that anybody would ever need. Attractive to the outside world, great family, caring, loving, good job. You know, whatever the things are, quote unquote, that people want. But that she was missing the thing that I needed. And I didn't know what that was at that age. And then that small white lie of not being able to tell her how I truly feel goes into a whole series of lies that goes all the way throughout my 20s. And I look back and where it all started from. I mean, sure, lying is a learned behavior to me. And I can go back and really probably quantitated the fact of I was afraid to death of my father and the fact that I would say things that would piss him off and he would take it out on me either physically or mentally. There were things that could hurt me. And so instead of facing the truth to him, I would tell just enough so I didn't get in trouble, but not so much that he knew the whole story. Did the same thing with my mother. You know, I didn't want that judgment. I didn't want that ass kicking that, admittedly, as kids, we sometimes deserve. And so that became to learn behavior at a young age. And that learned behavior became painful. Not only painful to me, but painful to a group of people in my life that didn't deserve it. These women were good women. These friends were good friends. The customers that shopped with me, the people that I associated with were all good people, but I was a piece of shit. Like a true, utter piece of shit. Now, no, I don't think the decisions I made in my 20s dictate who I am as a man now. I mean, I would never disrespect ever Lindsay and do something that would be uncalled for. I mean, it's not negotiable.


The 4 month window of, change me or regret it (08:30)

I don't look at a woman too long. I don't talk to a woman too long. I mean, these are things that just don't matter to me. And anybody that would ever question that would be completely full of shit because it's just how it is. It's known, It's stated. I've leveled up what I believe is acceptable. But it took pain and anguish and suffering and misery. It really took Lindsay, my fiance, to force me into this. It wasn't some epiphany that I came to as a man. It wasn't some self-righteous, I'm better now. It was the fact that I repeated the same thing I did in my 20s where there were four women. Then there were two. Another woman and Lindsay. And it's fucking embarrassing to say it now. If I could change anything in my life, it would be that little time period. There's a four-month window where I'm able to be the right fucking man. Where I can't tell yet again another woman that the pain and the suffering of our relationship has to end because there's things that aren't ever going to work and line up. And then I'm going to go out and find somebody new. Instead, I look at Lindsay when I first meet her and I share with her, I'm going through a breakup. It's fine. And Lindsay and I become friends and we start dating. And she never knows about the other woman. And so I start playing both sides again. And then eventually the day comes that I come home in the morning from getting Lindsay a cup of coffee who stayed at my house and the other woman's in my driveway. And I come home to seeing Lindsay rocking back and forth on my front porch and this other woman jumping on me, hitting me, telling me what a piece of shit I am. And she was right. I saw the woman jumping on me, hitting me, telling me what a piece of shit I am. And she was right. And in that moment, I didn't even notice her. I gently picked her up. I put her down. And I walked right over to Lindsay. And in that moment, I'd love to tell you that I had clarity. That I knew what my life's mission was. I knew there was some massive shift that happened. And it's not really true. The massive shift that happened didn't come until later. But I sat down, and for the next four or five hours, Lindsay asked me a series of questions and wanted to know the whys and didn't yell at me. She didn't judge me. She was hurt. She was mortified, but she just kept asking questions, and I kept answering. I didn't answer with partial truth. I answered with full truth, And it was for the first time that I can remember in my life that I was able to answer these questions with complete and utter truth. There was no little truth. There was no partial pieces. There was only 100% full truth. And so Lindsay leaves and the other woman's gone and I'm left in this condo that I have and I'm by myself. As I'm by myself, I'm thinking, man, this is the first time in a long time that I feel good. I feel good on how bad that I feel, as funny as that sounds. I feel good because I know there's no more lies left. There's nothing else that's going to come up and bite me in the ass. I'm not running from anything.


Writing this down (11:15)

For the first time in long, and I can fucking remember, from 20 until 30, I was always running from something. And so I get this phone call, and this phone call's Lindsay. And it's late. You know, it's 8, 9, and 9. She says, I'm expecting she's calling me, and she's finally now going to start yelling at me, because that's what would happen. Like, that was my life. You know, cause and effect, right? I was an asshole, so I should get yelled at. And she calls and says, I don't know why I'm calling you. Just something tells me I need to come over and see you. And I basically said, if you're going to come over and yell at me, I don't have any interest in this. She said, no, no, it's not that. I just need to come over and ask some more questions. And she basically said, if you're going to come over and yell at me, I don't have any interest in this. No, no, it's not that. I just need to come over and ask some more questions. And she comes over and she asks questions and I answer them. And she stays that night and we continue to talk. And then my dumb ass decides yet one more time, just to make sure that I learned my lesson, that I eventually communicate with the ex-girlfriend. And that then continues on and off for another month or two. You know, all the way until really Thanksgiving. Right before Thanksgiving. So we go from June until Thanksgiving. And in that time period, I'm learning lessons. And I'm getting more stable and feeling more powerful. But I'm still weak in character as a man. And I'm still unable to tell the truth from lying. Not that I don't know the difference, but that I'm afraid to execute on the difference. And Lindsay sticks by my side. And some of you listen to this thing. She's fucking crazy. I'm sure. Cause Lindsay saw something in me at that moment that I didn't see in myself. Lindsay saw something that mattered to her when I didn't see in myself. Lindsay saw something that mattered to her. When I didn't care. About me. So from that. There's one final blow up. I'm sitting at my house. And you know. The same condo. Ex-girlfriend's at my kitchen table. And Lindsay's coming over. And taking care of the dogs. And there's this blow up. And I'm like. This has just got to stop. Like this is just over. This is just done with. I'm tired of the fucking lies. I don't want to be with you anymore. You have to leave. You have to go. And that's it. Almost. There's one final communication where this woman reaches out to me because there's mail that comes to her house and I meet her at a local grocery source, neutral territory. And I see her and we, we catch up for a little while. And it's not, it's not a lovey dovey thing. It's more of, she fucking hates me as she should and I'm sitting there awkwardly asking questions as though they matter because they really don't. You know, walk out to my car, she walks out to her car, I see she's in a new car, have a quick conversation about that and get in my car. And of course at that moment I call Lindsay and say, hey, I ran into so-and-so at the grocery store, I just want you to know. And I come up with this big fucking lie still. Lindsay lets me go through with it. I get home and she goes, I know you to know. And I come up with this big fucking lie still. Lindsay lets me go through with it. I get home and she goes, I know you're lying. And I try to carry it on. I'm like, no, this is stupid. Like, why? Why am I doing this? Why am I continuing to lie to this girl that doesn't deserve it? She deserves so much better. And I stop. And the better part of three and a half years later now, there's no lies. The relationship that I built and the trust that I built and the ability to look myself in the mirror and feel good about who I am has outweighed everything else. But it all comes from the fact that I lied a lot consistently. And so as I take stock of my life now and I try to audit it on a very consistent basis it's difficult to tell people the truth all the time and we you again. I'm sure you laugh at this How's it difficult tell the truth think of if you're honest with yourself write down on your phone Just give yourself a little hash mark in your notes section every time you tell something that's not 100% the truth That's including omissions That is you didn't respond back to somebody quickly enough in text message and you say that you didn't see it, even though you did and you just decided you didn't want to fucking respond. That's when you're late to work. That's when you forgot somebody's birthday. That's everything you can fucking think of that you lie about. You'll be shocked at how many fucking lies you tell every day.


We lie (14:57)

I had no idea until I took audit. And I was forced to take audit by being a part of something called the Warrior Group, Wake Up Warrior, which is Garrett White's movement. And for those of you who don't know him, check him out. It's wakeupwarrior.com and it's Garrett J. White and there's podcasts. I mean, he's got a bunch of different things. This isn't a self-promotion for him. This is factual. The man and his mindset changed my life and the men in this group have changed my life. And so here I sit in my office shooting this podcast where I'm taking my family on vacation to Orlando, where we'll go to Disneyland and we'll have a great time. And I don't have to worry about my phone being out and not having a passcode on it because there's nothing to hide.


Experience (15:30)

I don't have to worry about what I'm missing here Or what other people figure out what I'm doing Because I don't have to run from anything I don't have to worry about any stories that I'm telling I don't have to worry about any of that shit But that's because I made a conscious decision not to So my question to you at this point in your life If you're taking stock of who you are and where you're at And you look at yourself in the mirror And you're honest with yourself Where in life are you lying? Are you lying about what you really want out of business, out of your professional life? Are you lying that you think you have to go to a job that you hate because you're providing for your family even though you do anything on the planet other than what you're doing if it wasn't for that?


How much (16:10)

Are you lying to yourself about how healthy you really are, about how much time you really go to the gym? Are you lying about what you do when you're not around your significant other? Are you lying about the fact when you go to a bar or go out to dinner or a restaurant, that you're doing everything you can to size up the room and see if there's anything better there to flirt with? Are you lying about that shit?


Flex Doing

Flex doing (16:35)

If the answer to any of these is yes, what the fuck are you gonna do about it? Because something's gonna have to change. Because it might not seem like it now, but the small lie you tell today will one day snowball into a much larger set of lies and it'll become the new experience that is fucking miserable so as you go through your day and you start thinking about these things i encourage you to do one simple thing every day put one foot in front of the other and keep taking steps to get to where you want to get to because at the end of the day the only thing that matters is your progression of moving forward, which is why I'm going to encourage you every day to get shit done. Thanks for listening to this episode of 15 Minutes to Freedom with Ryan Neidell. Do Ryan a favor and share this with others in your life that need to hear it. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and leave us a review. For more content just like this, head over to RyanNidell.com. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L.com.


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