Episode 72: Darkness - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 72: Darkness - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast".


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Intro (00:00)

This is 15 minutes to freedom. I'm your host Ryan Nidel and today's episode is darkness. I find something to be pretty interesting and that is the fact that society has told us, at least told me the way that I was brought up, that you find power for yourself in the light. You find it in the good things in life. And when I say the good things in life, the good things could be your friends. You know, that when you have a problem, you go to your friends. They help you. They're supposed to be the positive influences in your life. And through them helping you, you'll become a better person. Right? I mean, how many people have done that in their lives before? I mean, my hand's literally raised in the studio. Maybe if it's not your friends, it's your family. Go to your family. Your family knows best. They're the ones that can help you. And if it's not that, the old catch-all for everything to me is religion. Go to church. Church will help you. The answer is inside the Bible. Now, I'm not saying that church isn't a good place, and I'm not saying that your family is not good for advice, and I'm not saying your social circle can't help you. That would be ignorant of me to say those things. What I'm saying is I'm going to challenge you to expand the way that you think. Society tells us to go race towards the light when things get uncomfortable. Well, what if you went backwards and raced directly into the dark? What if you took time to get acquainted with the things that make you uncomfortable? What if you tackled them head on? What would be possible for you? See, this mindset, this thought, this pattern is something that came to me from Wake Up Warrior.

Motivational Examples And Techniques

What If You Were To Race Into The Dark To Find The Solution To Your Problem? (01:52)

Big surprise, right? from Wake Up Warrior. Big surprise, right? Wake Up Warrior is a men's entrepreneurial group called a mastermind, call it whatever you want to, but it's a men's group held in on making sure that a generation of men are better than the generation before. And in doing that, there's a doctrine associated with it. There's a way that we operate. There's a way that we think that's probably different than the norm. This Wake Up Warrior movement was founded by a gentleman named Garrett J. White. Garrett has his own series of podcasts. Hop on iTunes or Stitcher, type in Garrett J. White, type in Wake Up Warrior. He's got a massive movement he's built from out in Laguna Beach. Go to wakeupwarrior.com or kingskit.com. See more about that. He's created things and pieces and parts that now help me in my life on a daily basis. Now in saying that, I'm sharing these not as an affiliate, not as someone that gets paid, but someone that my life has been impacted massively from what I've learned and put into practical application in my life. It's changed completely. And in this change, it's caused me to start to what we do, what we call break some frames. See, frames in our way of viewing the world or my way of viewing the world, frames are things you carry around and you look at the world through.

Frames Carry The World Views (03:17)

Like if you assume that all one race or one something is bad and that is your ignorant frame that you are carrying around with you, then there is an opportunity to take that frame, remove it from your hands, smash it on the ground, break it into a million pieces, burn the motherfucker into ashes and build a new frame that potentially in this situation could say every person has benefit and something to offer on the planet and everybody should be created equally. That's now a new frame. But all these frames and all these things, they can't exist if you're not comfortable getting familiar with your dark. You see, we all have dark inside of us. The best people in the world have access to something dark inside of them that they're not proud of. My particular personal darkness was my relationship with my father. I had this anger, this rage, this hate, this internal self-consuming, self-defrigating anger towards this man. That at the surface level, I probably didn't really realize it was there. But when prompted to close my eyes and allow my mind to wander and go to a place in which I'm confronting the thing that bothers me most, whatever that is. It's not a fear. It's something that bothers me. The thing that's racing through my mind is my father as he's beating the shit out of me in our house in East Aurora, New York. Admittedly, this particular ass whooping I deserved. I threw walnuts at our freshly painted garage that wasn't attached to our house.

I screamed (05:04)

For those of you who don't know about fresh walnuts, they stain. Our family didn't have a lot of money then. Not that we have a lot of money now, but we were a very middle America family. During that same moment, I was chasing a neighborhood girl around the car that we had in the back part of our driveway, which was loose rocks. We had an old Toyota Corolla, two-door Toyota Corolla, stick shift, tan, roll-down window Toyota Corolla. And I was chasing her around, picking up rocks and trying to throw them over the car to hit her with them. Might surprise you, but as someone that's in second grade, maybe first, the strength that I possess now was not there and my rocks were not getting over the car, they were landing on the roof. So when my father came home, he had every right and reason to be mad at me. He had every right and reason to spank me and literally beat my ass and throw me across the room. But this version of him is what I have been holding on to for the following 30 years. Like the power of that moment has somehow internally crippled me for 30 fucking years. I didn't realize it until I finally got real with getting into the dark. So I'm sitting there. I'm in this room full of men. It's pitch black. And eyes are closed. And you're confronting this thing. This thing that bothers you. This thing that you know you need to get rid of, this traumatic event in your life. And so I'm confronting my father in my mind, scared shitless, reverting back to that four or five-year-old boy, seeing the terror in his face, hearing the anger in my father's voice, seeing the snot come out of his nose and the saliva drip off of his mouth as he's screaming at me and then picking me up and tossing me across the room and having me hit the wall just above our couch on the opposite side of the room. That man I'm confronting now. I'm in the moment. I'm saying everything I need to say out loud to confront this man. These'm in the moment. I'm saying everything I need to say out loud to confront this man. These things aren't pleasant. These are the things you're not supposed to say. This is the darkness. This is the loud, angry, fuck you, motherfucker, all the things that you're not supposed to say that boils from inside your gut, that when you get done screaming it into the universe, you feel cleansed and exhausted at the same time. And there is no timetable associated with this. There is no finite amount of ability for us to say you have seven minutes to get this done. You go until it's all out. Until it's all spoken into the universe. Until you've wrangled and wrestled with this darkness, with the deepest part of your soul that you're not proud of, that's holding you back, and you've got in this fist fight that leaves you both bloody and bludgeoned, and you come out victorious. Because once you share all the things that are bad, once you verbalize the things that have held you back, once you speak into the universe, once it no longer has that power because you've exhausted every bit of energy, there's this moment of clarity. And a moment of clarity is the most powerful thing I've ever felt before. It's almost like a little message from God, from the universe, from your soul, boils up and allows you to create a new frame in that exact moment. Now during the darkness, you're not trying to come up with a fix. You're literally screaming about the shit that hurts you. that hurts you. But as you're screaming and being raw with the emotion and letting it all out, there's an emotional vulnerability that comes on the backside that presents a gift to you. And the gift is the frame. And the frame is the fact that that event no longer has power. It no longer dictates how you operate in the future. It no longer means in my situation that I had to fear confrontation any longer. Because I know from that screaming event, from that darkness, that that was one of the main catalysts as to why I was not able to have tough conversations with people. Because I was afraid in a tough conversation, I was going to get my ass beat, or my father was going to judge me, or my mother was going to leave me. There's these things that are dark that we don't talk about. These dark items are part of what makes this podcast what it is. See, whether you realize it or not, for the past 70 episodes, I've been sharing dark fucking shit. Lies, cheating, failed businesses, repossessions, endless shit that needed to come out. It's been incredibly impactful that many of you have found my message and found value and benefit in realizing that you're not alone because you're not. See, that's the other thing that this getting into the darkness really assesses inside yourself, that you're truly not alone. Because imagine the power if you and the other at this point, 10 to 15,000 people listening to this podcast side by side with you, when it ended, you sat in your car, you pressed stop, you closed your eyes, you found the deepest, darkest part of your soul, and you just started fucking screaming in your car all the things that you didn't think you were supposed to say to your parents, to your pastor, to your aunt, to your uncle, to your kids. And you got it out. You got rid of it. And it no longer had power over you. And then when it no longer had power over you, you could start to make decisions that benefited your life versus held you back. We have all these holdbacks that we create, we have created. And if we have created them, we can uncreate them and create new patterns, which I covered in the previous episode. We can do things that change the way that we view the world. We can hold a new frame in front of us to see the universe through. But you can't make it a temporary frame. You have to make it a permanent one. And you can't make it permanent unless you're willing to hold that space and to get really real in the moment. To get as deep into the darkness as you can go and stay there for as long as it takes. But you come out the back side, and you're holding this new frame, and you start to view the world from this emotionally cleansed state, life gets very, very different. See, I didn't realize until this moment in my life the power that those old events were having over me. Of course, I knew the fact that I didn't like confrontation. I knew the fact that things didn't feel good. I knew the fact that tough interactions weren feel good. I knew the fact that tough interactions weren't my forte, which is ironic considering the fact I walked around most of the time at 6'2 and 285 pounds. You would have assumed that I love confrontation. I'm this ball of masculinity that just is searching for a fight. None of that shit's true. I use all that as a mask so I wouldn't have to deal with it. And so you take this. You take this new frame and you realize the fact that there's power in holding this in front of yourself all the time. That no longer are the old stories shutting you down. The new stories are empowering you to become a better person. You know, because on the backside of this is I eventually continued on and realized that I can have a tough conversation. It's actually enjoyable now to sit across from a man and say, I don't agree with you or a woman or a colleague in business. I don't care if it's through social media. There's nothing wrong with healthy conflict. It's actually not only is there nothing wrong with it, it's healthy for all of us. That was one of my many demons. I'm sure you have your own. But instead of going to the counselor to talk about the issues you have with your father, like I had tried to do for years, or instead of talking to my best friends at the time of how they would have dealt with it if it was their father, which it wasn't, and so they can't. Or to stop trying to talk to my parents about the ways that I feel about what went on during our lives together, which got nowhere.

Go for a walk (13:19)

I realized the fact that the true power that I was seeking was in the depths of my soul, the darkest part of my being, The same place yours is at. The same place that we've been taught for generations not to go. The same place that I encourage you when you hang up or press stop on this podcast, that you do yourself the service of finding somewhere quiet. Go for a walk by yourself. Sit in your car in a crowded or uncrowded parking garage. Find somewhere where you can be alone so you don't have to fear the judgment of others. It takes a lot to do this in front of people. But give this a shot.

Beat Your Target (14:15)

All of it. All the way. Imagine how liberating it would be if you could sit down and scream to the version of yourself that didn't get the grades he wanted in college. So he didn't get the good enough job. So now he lives paycheck to paycheck. Can't ever seem to get ahead. And you hold guilt inside yourself because you know you could have done better, but you can't go backwards. you know you could have done better, but you can't go backwards. And so what ends up happening is in your present day life, you're not able to excel because you keep viewing yourself as this less than person because you didn't do well enough in college. Go attack that motherfucker head on. It'll serve you to be better. Maybe the part you need to attack is the fact that in relationships your entire life that you feel abandoned as a young child.

Start To Attack (15:03)

Your parents weren't around. You were raised by a nanny. Something else went on in life and you didn't have the upbringing that you had hoped for and so now you find very little value in human interaction. Go back to that moment. Go back to the most adolescent moment you can remember of feeling abandoned and have a frank screaming match with those that abandoned you. Tell them you fucking hate them and you wish they died. Tell them the pieces of shit that they are. They're not actually there. Get it out of your soul. Quit giving it power. Maybe it's in your own body you need to do this. Maybe you're disgusted with the fact that you've let yourself go. That in high school you were an athlete and you looked good, but something happened. You got in a car accident or college happened and beer happened and women or men happened and then life happened and business happened. All you want is to go back to that time. Well, you need to scream at the motherfucker that's stopping you from doing that, which is yourself. fucker that's stopping you from doing that, which is yourself. I'll guarantee you that in my life and in your own life, this will be one of the most impactful things you're able to do for yourself to start to change the mindset that you need to start to level up your life. It's all well and good to come up with patterns and habits, to read the books, to go to workshops, to go places to do things to better your life. But if you don't take massive fucking action and do some things that are earth shattering that the world thinks you're crazy for, you're not going to change.


Conclusion (16:27)

I'm the product of that. I'm saying it from a place of authenticity. So if you were to sit down in your car or sit down in your house Or your condo Or your apartment Or out on a beach Or in the woods somewhere And finally tackle your darkness And get on the back side of it It'll be the most liberating feeling That you've ever had And through that liberation You'll feel like every day You're able to get Shit Done Hey guys, Ryan here Thanks for joining me today like every day you're able to get shit done. Hey guys, Ryan here. Thanks for joining me today. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you consume audio and subscribe to 15 Minutes to Freedom. If this brought you value, please do me a favor and drop me a five-star rating. Then share this podcast with someone who needs to hear it. For additional content, head over to RyanNidell.com. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L dot com.

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