Episode 74: Mistakes - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "Episode 74: Mistakes - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast".


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Intro (00:00)

This is 15 minutes of freedom. I'm your host Ryan Nidel and today's episode is mistakes So Lord knows we all make mistakes It's just an inevitable part of life. I can't tell you how many mistakes I make on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis.

Social Media Importance And Ethics

Mistakes (00:18)

I mean, they're huge. Now, every day I do the best that I can to put myself in personal power to not make the mistakes and certainly not to make the same mistakes twice. But the harsh nature of reality is the fact that some days just don't go the right way. Sometimes I forget something. Sometimes I don't put priority. Sometimes I use the wrong word. Sometimes I impact people in a way that is negative. And that is never my goal. You see, I set out with this podcast to make a positive impact in the world. It started with holding myself personally accountable, then turned into I can share the lessons of things I've messed up and turn those into things that can be actionable items for others that may be going through the same issues. Much like hopefully this episode touches you. Over time, what I found is the fact that no matter what I do, half the population is not going to like it. And I'm okay with that at this point. I'm okay with the fact that the message that I'm sending out into the world is coming from my heart. It's not meant for something to upset anybody. It's coming from an authentic and organic place. And sometimes that authentic and organic place is not the most comfortable to discuss.

Growing your Social Media Account. (01:42)

Sometimes I discuss things that just don't make a lot of sense. They're not fun. This is a lot of self-examination on these episodes. This is me owning the shit that I've done in my life and sharing and then hopefully growing from it. And that's one of the mistakes that I have to share today. You see, in the pursuit of social media notoriety, I've used ample services over my life to grow a social media following. I've shared with you guys that many years ago, many in social media age, give or take two years ago, I bought followers. Yes, for those of you that don't know, there were services, there still could exist, where you could go out and buy a follower or series of followers to increase the total number of followers you have. And these accounts are all fake. They're all bullshit. There's nothing there. It's just a methodology of comparison. You know, I'm buying followers because I want to look more important than I am. At that point I did it because I was working for a custom clothing company and I was convinced that I could get better reach if more people thought that someone else liked my message. So I bought them. It seemed like a nice shortcut. Well, just like any shortcut, it doesn't actually end anywhere. You know, it just comes right back to the start. So I now realized that those social media followers were pretty much worthless. Let me rephrase that. Those social media followers were worthless. They weren't real followers. They were fake accounts. No interaction, no engagement, no anything. So I started to clean up my social media page. I started to clean up my Instagram page. I started to clean up my Facebook page. And part of that is using an external service or two. I use two separate services that help me clean up my Instagram account. And when I say clean up, I'm trying to get rid of now all the people that I have followed over the years or have bought as followers. I'm trying to get those out of my account, unfriend them, have them unfollowed, and grow people that actually care what I have to say. And if that's two people or 200,000 people, as long as they actually engage with me, that's all I care about. And so I've been using these services with great success. I've cleaned up my account. My engagement's up over two and a half percent. It's starting to operate and function like a real account should. And it's not perfect, but it makes me feel better knowing that I'm trying. And yes, I'm using an external company. I'm using a hack to make this happen. I would encourage anybody that wants to grow their social media following that if you can find someone that can educate you, or you can invest a very small amount of money to have someone behind the scenes, say, post this way, tag this way, do these things that will help your growth, there's benefit there. I would encourage you to do it. So in one of these software platforms that I've used for quite some time, it automatically likes and sometimes comments on photos. Now, these photos have to be of people in a genre that I wish to connect with. They're not just anybody. They're not just random people. So when I find influencer people that I'm like, man, you take my friend Andy Frisella, you take Andy Frisella's MFCEO Instagram page. He's got 800,000 followers, massive engagement. He makes massive social impacts. I'm like, man, if I could have a tent to his followers and they would also like my message, that's a win for everybody. So I want to emulate his account. I'm not copying what he's doing verbatim, but I'm doing things that are like he is doing because it's proving to work. So the software that I'm using is going in and commenting or liking on his followers' pages. And hopefully when they come to my page, they're like, all right, this Ryan guy's got a comparable message. I'll also like and follow him. It might seem trivial, but that's ultimately the way this stuff works. And in that, sometimes the system doesn't work the right way. Sometimes you end up liking or following people that you probably had no business following. Now, I've shared this in the past. I've certainly enjoyed, and enjoyed is probably a unique thing to say, but I have no problem saying I've looked at porn before. I've done, you know, find busty women attractive. I mean, I'm a man. I appreciate beauty all around, but as time has progressed and I've become more and more fixated on the growth of my personal relationship, I do everything that I can to eliminate those people from social media.

Social media unfollowing (05:35)

They don't mean anything to me, but I'm also certainly not going to sit down and go through 10 or 11,000 people that I follow on Instagram and figure out which ones I know and don't know. I'm letting the software do that for me. And so in the software, as it's going through, it ends up liking or commenting or following a good friend of mine's ex-wife. Now, it's crazy because I see this and I don't know who I'm adding as followers or who's adding me. I pay attention, but I don't adamantly look and her screen name is something that's not normal, you know, so it doesn't mean anything to me. Don't even really look. Then eventually she realizes that she knows me or remembers me. I mean, they've been quite a long time divorced and removed. And so she eventually messaged me. Hey, how are you? Good to see you. I laugh and say, looks like you're doing well. She's not doing well at all. And the conversation stops. I mean, it's very short and I don't have anything to say to her. She's not a good person. But I don't think anything more of it until I speak to my friend. And I speak to my friend, And I'm speaking to my friend. I catch up with him. I'm like, man, you'll never guess. I ended up running across this, your ex-wife, in social media. And we commented back and forth. And I'm sorry it just felt weird, but I want to share it with you. I don't want there to be a secret. And the conversation continues. We just brush over it. I mean, this is one of my longest friends. I mean, somebody that was supposed to be at my wedding. Somebody that's close. And so I'm speaking to Lindsay today at the office, and she wants to reach out to his now new wife. Just ask some questions about medical procedures and just things. She just wants to catch up. And realizes that this woman and her are not friends any longer on social media. She's like, is that strange? Is everything all right? Lindsay asked me. I said, man, I think so. I said, I haven't spoken to my close friend since right before our wedding. Let me message him. And so I call him and I messaged him and eventually messaged me back. And I realize now the fact that we've had a falling out in the short term based off the fact that I am using software to follow and unfollow people, as simple as that becomes. And I understand the emotional triggers and the pain behind that, That I am using software to follow and unfollow people. As simple as that becomes. And I understand the emotional triggers and the pain behind that. Because this man had to spend thousands and thousands of dollars ending this marriage. And there's triggers associated with that. And rightfully so. There should be. Because you see, I don't like this person. I don't like his ex-wife. I didn't like her when they were really married. Just never really cared for her. But I supported my friend like any good friend would do. And now we sit here, many, now a month plus removed from the last time we spoke, and I realize the fact that there's been this underlying turmoil for an honest mistake that has, in my opinion, very little ramifications.

Be aware (08:09)

But it was a mistake nonetheless. You see, I would never disrespect one of my closest friends by friending or giving a damn about what his ex-wife is doing, let alone after such a sloppy custody battle and just things that went on in their life that it was horrible. Like, this woman is not a good person. But I'm using this software and I'm not paying attention. It doesn't much matter to me. So I look at this as a mistake. Now, this mistake in this current moment feels catastrophic because this gentleman is refusing to talk to me and it might have just burnt down our relationship. And if that's what it is, I have to be okay with that because I was conscious in the moment of making the decision to use a software to increase my followers. And admittedly, to help me clean up my account, to get rid of an old decision, an old bad mistake. But here we sit. And it's crazy to me because I'm wired in such a way that the minute that Lindsay told me that she thought something might be up, I instantly pick up the phone and call. You know, mistakes happen. Life happens. Things happen. It's the way that you deal with them that matters. And I've certainly never dealt, I haven't dealt with everything perfectly. I'm still making mistakes as I'm airing this podcast. But what happens is I pick up the phone and then take action around it. The uncomfortable conversation I used to run from, now I have to run towards because that's how self-exploration and growth happens. So I pick up the phone to call and I get no response and then it's just leave everything in text. And I get it because he's pissed off. He should be pissed off. Like I would be hurt if I was in his position too. He is not in the wrong here. What I'm saying is if a mistake happens, allow yourself the opportunity to address it with the person that it happened with. You see, as society now, I believe we all jump to these massive conclusions that there has to be something bigger going on than there actually is. And I truly believe our friendship is strong enough that eventually we'll have a conversation and chalk it up to being a dumbass or whatever we want to and have a drink and call it a day. But if that doesn't happen, that's a choice that he's made based off a mistake that I have made. And I have to be okay with that because it's wild.

Give them the benefit of the doubt (10:30)

What happens is you have this whole life that you build trying to please other people, trying to do the right thing for everybody. And you can't, you're going to off half the population. You have to honor yourself and what you feel is right in the moment if you're listening to your heart and not your head. And in trying to clean up my social media and trying to make things better and trying to own my mistakes and also trying to grow this podcast and become a person of value and influence in the world, there's yet another mistake that has happened. To me, this mistake is somewhat minuscule. It does not feel catastrophic. But that is easy for me to say from where I sit. You see, my day is not consumed with searching out who other people are following or liking or things like that. And I'm not implying that my friend is doing that either. I'm simply saying the fact of who the fuck cares? If you're doing the right thing and you believe in the people that are in your life are actually in your circle and they have your back, give them the slight benefit of the doubt until they're proven to be not worthy and then cut them out. Because mistakes are going to happen. you can't help it it's just the way life goes none of us are perfect I put in conscious very focused effort every day to grow and expand as a person just as I encourage you to do even through that there are things that are going to happen that just don't line up with people there are going to be things that don't line up with people.

Defining the Relationship: Sticking Up For What You Know Is Right (11:48)

There are going to be things that I do that I wish I would not have done. I try to always operate in integrity and honesty. Every once in a while, I'm sure I even slip up at that. But in these mistakes, they don't have to define who you are for any period of time unless you allow them to define you. See, I'm not going to allow this to define the relationship I built with this individual over the past 12 or 14 years. This guy's one of my longest, closest friends, someone I respect tremendously. Some of that I would do anything for him and his family. Some of that I will always continue to do because in this situation, the things just happened. So you think about yourself, like in your life, where have things happened where maybe you didn't handle it the right way? And Lord knows I've had plenty of those too where I haven't had the conversation where I've just let it fester. Like I don't want to deal with the negative ramifications. In this situation, I truly had no idea it was wrong. So why not go ask? I don't have to play the telephone game. I'll pick up the phone and call. Just as I will encourage you to do, there's too much fucking telephone game that goes on. I have to address something else. Now I'm on a little bit of a rant, a little bit of a tangent. If you allow someone to talk shit about someone that's not in your presence, you're just as fucking guilty. What I mean by that is if you hear someone talking about your best friend and that person feels like it's okay to share gossip or negativity with you about that person because you have allowed them to. You are just as guilty. You might as well be saying it to your best friend themselves. You are faced with an opportunity at that moment to do the right thing. We can't control what stimuli come into our environment. You can't control if someone wants to talk to you. You can control what you do with it. The minute that person, this hypothetical person says, hey, did you hear what your best friend did? You have the opportunity in that moment to stop and say, no, I didn't. But if you're going to talk about somebody else, they're either going to be in our presence or we're going to pick up the phone and call them together. Because I don't want you to talk about someone that's not here to defend themselves and paint their side of the picture But what happens is in today's society? We just let that shit fucking go You just allow these people to talk poorly about people that you supposedly care about and that you love Why because you don't want to ruffle some feathers you don't want to push back You don't want that uncomfortable conversation. What i'll guarantee you is the first time you turn tune that fucking person up. They're never gonna bring that shit to you ever again They're never gonna use you as a state scapegoat to talk poorly about somebody because now you've called them out And who knows maybe your best friend didn't do something that's deplorable That's not for me to judge What I'm judging is the fact of how you can handle the situation Because if you don't then you become part of the feedback. You become part of the thing that doesn't stop the cycle.

Concept Of Integrity

Integrity Deficiency (14:40)

And if you don't stop the cycle, it will continue forever. And it's atrocious. Like it's just this really, really preposterous thing that goes on today in society, the telephone game of, did you hear what this person did? Or, oh my gosh, here's a screenshot of what they did on social media. If you're going to do that, honor yourself enough to actually share what you think with the person that posted something or the person that supposedly took the action. Be a person of high integrity and self-worth yourself. And through that, your circle will clean itself up. It can't help it. There's going to be these things that just happen where the person that wants to talk shit is not going to be in your life anymore. You probably didn't need them to start with because they weren't really your friend. Because if they're talking poorly about your best friend to you, I guarantee when they're not around you, they're talking about you as well. I would rather have a tight knit circle of two people in my life, my wife, Lindsay, and Doug that's in this office and not have anybody else give a fuck about me. Because at least I know I have people that have my back, just as I have theirs. The pointless time that we waste defending other people and defending situations is just that, pointless. It is not relevant. It slows down the growth throughout your day. it is not relevant. It slows down the growth throughout your day. So a couple of action items from this episode, where in your life are you not sticking up for what you know is right? Where are you allowing people at the office to talk poorly about your boss instead of just grabbing them by the hand and walking them in the box, bosses often saying, say to his face, maybe to the gym where you see somebody flirting with women or showing off in the gym and you're talking poorly about that person to your friends. Why not walk up and say something to that person face to face? Why don't you grow the testicular fortitude to have the difficult conversation, to ask that person why? Maybe it's in your relationship that you know that one of your good friends cheats on his wife or husband and instead you just keep it quiet because you don't want to ruffle any feathers. Instead of picking up the phone or going to see him and calling them out, giving them the opportunity to change their path. Because every day is a chance to change the path that you're on. No path is finite. Every path can be finite rather. No path is infinite. Same thing with mistakes. Where in your business life right now have you made a mistake that you don't want to repeat, that's a choice that you can change? Something as basic as not showing up to work on time is a mistake that can happen, but you choose the next day how to adjust your pattern or your schedule to not have it happen again. Maybe the mistake is a fact like me of following people on social media, following women that I have no reason or right to follow. Celebrities or porn stars or Instagram models or whoever they are that I don't care about.

Path Overview

No Path Is Infinite (17:34)

Maybe you're doing the same thing. Honor your partner and start unfriending them when they pop up in your feed. That stuff's going to happen. partner and start unfriending them when they pop up in your feed. That stuff's going to happen. Just get rid of them. There's so many different ways to look at the mistakes and the things that we do that there is no exponentially right path. What there is is the opportunity every day to get a little bit better. And if you focus your energy and effort every day on trying to become a little bit better, eventually you will. Eventually that bar raises. Eventually you become a new version of yourself that doesn't recognize the old version. And when the new version exists and you're operating at a higher level, you'll find out that every day you can get shit done. Hey guys, Ryan here. Thanks for joining me today. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you consume audio and subscribe to 15 minutes to freedom. If this brought you value, please do me a favor and drop me a five-star rating. Then share this podcast with someone who needs to hear it. For additional content, head over to RyanNidell.com. That's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L dot com.

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