Episode 96: Interview with Josh Miller - 15 Minutes To Freedom Podcast | Transcription
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This is 15 minutes to freedom. I'm your host Ryan Nydell and today's episode is an interview with the author of I Call Bullshit, one of my favorite books, Josh Miller. Josh, how are you today? I'm doing awesome, Ryan. Thank you so much for having me, man. Man, it's my pleasure. So we've had this opportunity to chat for, I don't even know how long it feels like five minutes, but it's probably 30 minutes prior to this episode of just all the crazy great things and your view on the world and what you offer the marketplace. And as I've shared with you guys, I think Josh's book is one of the quintessential books for, I don't want to call it personal development because I think that waters it down. But just if you're looking to become a better version of yourself and get some real practical application tips, I call bullshit by Josh is just one of those books. I think I breezed through it in two or three days. Like it's, it's impactful, it's meaningful.
Personal Growth Journey Of Josh
Deep dive into Josh (00:55)
And I'm not saying, cause you're in front of me and this is a review I did on the book two or three weeks ago. Like this is, this is real stuff. So Josh, if you wouldn't mind taking just a minute and share about yourself and the story for those of you that are listening that don't know Josh, I want to make sure that you can really see the genuine phenomenal person he is. Yeah. Thank you, man. You know, look, my story, I don't think it's that unique. I think a lot of people have very interesting stories. You know, my story is I grew up in New York City and, you know, people talk about hustle and grind and this and that, you know, my story is I grew up in New York City and, you know, people talk about hustle and grind and this and that, you know, I come from a middle-class family. You know, I went to school with these just uber wealthy kids. And I think right off the bat, I had this warped sense of who I was and what I wanted in my life. And I went off to school and I, you know, I had this really fabulous on paper, this amazing career in advertising when I graduated but I was so miserable and soulless in this advertising world and You know one day and I talked about this in the book and this was the the moment that really changed my life is that I realized when I was walking out of my office just delusional not paying attention on a Friday afternoon rush hour eight million people I get knocked in my shoulder. I spun around. I literally fractured my nose in two places. People are walking over me on the sidewalk on Madison Avenue in the 40s. And this woman comes up to me and she's just like, are you okay? And normally in good nature, New York behavior, I would have said like, fuck you, get away from me. Don't know don't talk to me and she she was like no let me help you and I was just like sure and she picks me up and I've got blood gushing everywhere and we have this amazing conversation and she turns out to be an executive coach and literally that one conversation changed my entire trajectory in my entire life and you know if you think about the odds of running into one person out of eight million let alone that person may Have something that you're Want or you're open to having it just seemed like it was meant to be now the story that I Story within the story that really it's important to me is that there was something in me that allowed myself to be open to the possibility of something happening. And to me, that's something I talk about in my book all the time and in life in general. You've got to be open to the possibility of what you talk about. You can't just talk about it. We're all good at talking about things. You got to be open to the possibility. And I don't mean, you know, making vision boards and putting it under your bed and waking up in the morning and hoping that, you know, reading The Secret is going to like magically change your life because it's not, it's doing the work, but I mean, really manifesting and believing that you're worth it, that you can work for it and that the possibility is present. So, um, yeah, I mean, that's, I knew you asked me about myself, but I just kind of got right into it because it just, it's so much a part of who I am.
Spinning out of control (03:40)
Well, of course. And I got to ask, I mean, you're a man that's in shape. I mean, able to take care of yourself. How in the world, when you get spun around on the shoulder, do you end up falling flat on your face? Like that your nose hits the concrete, which is you're bracing your fall. How does that actually happen? That's a good question. You're not, you're actually the second person that's asked me that. So if you've ever walked through you know rush hour in in New York City it is literally like just a ping-pong ball I mean you were literally going back and forth back and forth and what happened for me was I just got spun around so many times and quite honestly I was leaving work was a Friday afternoon I tell you I was at a really low point in my life I don't think I knew it then. I knew it now. I was probably depressed. I was definitely miserable. I mean, I was just like, I was just not a happy person to be around. And, you know, the people that were around me would either enable that or they would tell me that and I would ignore it. And it was a low point. I mean, it really was a low point in my life. And I think there was just something inside of me that just gave in and gave up at that moment when I got knocked I think I just wanted to get knocked you know I want to literally get knocked down you know get knocked down seven times to get up right yeah that's crazy how many years ago was that you know a cataclysmic event when did that occur versus where we sit today well that wasn't just thinking that that was around 1992 to 2000 god it must have been around 98 or 99 so it's been a while yeah we're going on a good period of time now oh yeah yeah, absolutely. I mean, I have the bump in my nose every day. I look at it, it reminds me, you know? So, um, yeah, but I, I still keep in touch with, with, uh, with the woman who I met that day and I still have, and you know, when we met the next day, um, I said, look, you got to tell me how, how do you have whatever it is you got?
Cataclysmic moment (05:01)
I want it. How do I get that? And get that and she basically it's like here's my resume for all intents and purposes and I was sitting in a Starbucks with her in a coffee shop and I was just writing all this stuff down on napkins and it was like four or five it's actually five napkins and I a couple years later I have those napkins in my office framed on a wall and it reminds me every day when I look at it there is my path that's the journey right there yeah and how wonder that that's just such a crazy I mean it's not really crazy I mean that you and I think the same way like that we believe in things inherently where you were searching for something at the core basis of your soul and because you thought about it so much know you needed it the universe eventually decided it for you because you're open to receiving it totally Totally. Yeah. I mean, that's what I talked about. You got to be open to the possibility of what's possible. Just think about it. Open to the possibility of what's possible. For some people, that thought is just too much for them to wrap their heads around. And that inherently lies a lot of the challenges when people are like, oh, I want to be in shape or I want to be in love or I want to be a millionaire or a billionaire or I want to start a business. They can talk about it at a surface level, but then when they actually start getting into it, the possibility of what's possible is so big.
Losing yourself (06:42)
Like some people can't be with that much greatness or that much love or that much joy or that much money or that much happiness. And you see it all the day, all the time, because then they get it and they blow it away or they wind up in jail because they don't know what to do or so on and so forth. So yeah, it is a manifestation. And I think subconsciously, it was just tapping in. I was at a point in my life, I was so low, I couldn't keep up the act anymore. I couldn't pretend that this job was really great when in reality, I just didn't. Friday would come, I would leave work, and I was immediately thinking about, I don't want to go to work on Monday like how sick is that yeah but how common is that to I mean Josh yeah you a lot more than than just write books I mean and we'll get into that here in just a moment but this is such a common thread even with you that you the listener as you reach out to me of how unhappy and unsatisfied you are in your current position how you know there's something greater for you we don't know how to tap into it you don't know how to access it like what what's the tips what's the tricks is something I get that email it's got to be at least 20 times a day oh yeah how do you just crack the code like you make it seem so easy well I'll put it up to the professional to me it wasn't easy it was something inside me that said go and I just kept going when it didn't make any sense.
Yeah, I agree. I mean, I echo that 100%. It's not easy. And I tell people every day because I get that message. That's probably one of the top three I get every day. I tell people, if you want something, like really want something, go off and go think about it. Go write it down on paper. Don't start trolling Instagram and Facebook and looking at the people that you admire don't start there that's not the place you want to start because that's that's their vision or their vision of the vision that's not yours you really got to think about what it is that you want you know Simon Sinek talks about the why and in the context of corporate business but I think there's something really important inherently thinking about why what's in it for you, like selfishly, like why do you, and why do you want this? Because a lot of times we don't actually ask ourselves why we want something. So what happens is we just go off. And then as soon as we hit one bump in the road, like, oh, fuck this, I can't do this. I'm not made for it. My mom was right. My coach was right. My high school was, I had my ex-girlfriend, my wife, and wife. And that's the thing is our brains will collect the evidence to support whatever thought we have. Think about it, right? So if you think you're great, go find out things that you're great at. I talk about in my book, it's like, if you want confidence, go do something you know you're great at. It will chemically create that sense of confidence in your brain. It's not rocket science, but it takes work. And that's the number one thing I tell people all the time. It's like anything is possible. It really is. You have to make, you have to make a commitment. You've got to do the work. If you're going to pay somebody to do the work for you, then don't expect the benefits of it. Yeah, absolutely. And Josh, you're touching on some, some great things out of your book and make sure that I bring it up. Like I picked up your book on Amazon. Like I don't affiliate link for it, nor would I even want one or ask for one, but I went to Amazon and typed in, you know, I call bullshit and there it pops up and I order and I have prime and it's in my house in like two days. But you have, if I recall, you have a different way to digest your content coming out, right? I do. I have a, so I have an audio book coming out. It's actually out now. And, um, so I'm, I'm proud of this for one very specific reason is that it's my voice. So if you don't like my voice, then there you go. But hopefully you will. And the reason is, is that my publisher kept saying, oh, we can get somebody in the studio. We can bang this out for you. And like, you know, whatever it is, a couple of days, this other thing. I said, I can't do it. And they're like, why why not we could get this out real quick I said no it's got to be me it's got to be my voice my heart my spirit my soul this is my book these are my words it's based on my life and I can't I could not listen to someone else doing it so I went into the studio I stood in one place for four hours and 22 minutes and I wrote I read the whole book in a studio and got it done. I've never been more proud. And this is a true story. Of all the public speaking and things that I do and courses and stuff, I never listened to myself. Never in all the years. And I actually listened to the book. I listened to myself. I listened to the whole book It's the first time I've ever listened to myself speak. So So I'm really proud of it. Yeah, if someone's listening right now Josh, where where can they go consume the book? Where is it available? It's Amazon audible. That's where you can find it So you can go to amazon.com and as well as audible and you'll see it right there.
Congrats podcast (11:18)
So super excited and by the way if you for the next five days you download the audiobook you can actually get the ebook and the Kindle book for free for the next five days so super excited about that for all the listeners out there and that's that's that's such an incredible thing and again I I still enjoy it's this weird thing with me I like holding the book in my hand and hearing my own read the book. I know there's so many people though that send me screenshots of Audible and that's just the way they consume it because they can speed up the tempo and consume more content. So I commend you for taking that time. I mean, that can't be easy to sit there and read your own words and then have to hear your own voice back through. I mean, that's such a unique process. It's, it's so surreal. I can't even tell you, but you know what, when I, I polled a bunch of people in my life who know me really well and I said, listen, um, what do you think I should do? Should I get a professional to do it? Um, or should I do it? And everybody said who had read my book, absolutely you do it. Because when I read your book and they know me, it's like, you're in my head already. So why not just have your voice? I was like, done sold. What? Sign me up. I do it. Right. There you go. Yeah. And I love that. I mean, I think there's, I prefer in the handful of audio books that I've digested or tried to their road trips, things like that. I was a serial driver.
Youre the first! (12:39)
Like I would drive from New York city and back, like just weird stuff when I own my custom clothing company or, you know, listening to somebody's voice that actually wrote the book had more impact. It was like they actually cared versus some mystical force that was hired obviously to come in and sit down and read their book for them. It just felt very disingenuous to me. Like what you mean? You couldn't take the two, three, four, seven hours to read the book yourself. Like I think it's, my gut tells me it's just the right play and I'm sure you, the listener will incredibly, it's just such an impactful book. I don't want to beat a drum because you're in front of me, but it is like, it's on my bookshelf in the front because it's something I can always refer back to. It's just a great, great read. And it'll be a great listen. I really appreciate it. I put, um, I was asked to write a book over the last six years. I was approached different times.
Taking steps to make it happen (13:23)
And quite honestly, uh, every time they said, write a book over the last six years I was approached different times and quite honestly every time they said write a book on coaching or leadership or productivity and I said and I literally said it's the different publishers have you seen how many books are in that category there's nothing new that I'm gonna put out there that anybody is gonna really want to read I'm not interested in writing that it's not authentic it would feel like bullshit that's exactly what I said and that's actually how the title started to come about. And, and then I got to a point where I think it was I was reading, I think it was one of Gary Vaynerchuk's books. And I was just like, he said some really great stuff. But I was like, you know, this is stuff that I already know, why am I reading this book? And then I thought, why don't I just take the principles that I know work after 20 years of working with celebrities and coaches and actors and professionals and CEOs? I know this stuff. I don't necessarily need to read other books all the time. So I said, I'm going to write my own book, but I'm going to do it in a way where first and foremost, it's not just high on theory and low on application. I want to write a book that will get to the core and give you places to ask questions and look and Apply because a lot of these books don't do that The second thing is I firmly believe Ryan and I think you know this It starts by asking yourself some really powerful questions every day every morning every night You got to check in on the conversation That's that's going on in your head of that internal dialogue. And that's why I put over 200 of these types of questions that I use on myself with my clients in the book because they work. So, and hopefully they'll work. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And I hate to interrupt you, but it just, thoughts keep coming in. So you keep touching base on the fact of, obviously you're an author and I heard you touch base on some public speaking. So what else do you offer? I mean, you're an incredible guy. You offer a lot of value to the marketplace, but what are some other things that you offer the world?
One offer (15:01)
Like where do people find you? How do you, if I'm, if I'm listening right now, how do I get to you? Yeah. So there's a couple of different ways. You can go to my website, um, you know, www.joshmiddleinitialhmiller.com. A lot of people leave out the middle initial H and you're going to go get some guy that lives somewhere. That's not me. And you'll figure that out pretty quickly. Um, and you can also find me on Twitter, coach J jam and then Instagram at coach Josh Miller. Um, and then, like I said, the book is, is on Amazon. And then I'll also have an exciting offer for your listeners. If I could share that with you oh sure I absolutely so so to your listenership I'm so committed to supporting people and their lives and and having them kind of rid themselves of the bullshit that I want to offer up to ten of your listeners a complimentary one-on-one coaching call with me where we will dive into an area of their life where they are not fulfilled or not satisfied or not happy. And my commitment is we will work together for about 30 to 40 minutes and really hammer that out and get you going with an action plan and a new positive mindset. Man, John, I mean, thank you. I'll say thank you on behalf of all you. I don't know. Obviously, you charge for your services. You're a hell of a guy. You're not Mother Teresa. You're not UNICEF. You're in this to make some money for yourself. And the fact of you giving up your time to one resource that you can't make more of, man, I just, I can't say thank you enough. That's so impactful. And I hope 10 of you are already right now, like going to Josh H. Miller and sending that email and saying like, I heard it on 15 minutes to freedom. I want it because if you're not, you're doing yourself a horrible disservice. Like the value from this man is way above the fact that he's doing this complimentary for 40 minutes. Like I can't, I can't begin to thank you enough. Well, it's my pleasure. And you know, I, I, in my coaching practice, Ryan, um, I always reserve two, uh, slots for clients that it's just pro bono. So I am always for the last 20 years, I have always had at least two clients that I just pro bono. I, cause I recognize there's so many people out there that could actually benefit from working with a coach that can't afford it. So why should they not have that opportunity? Yeah, man, that, what man, what a great mindset to have going into that sort of business.
Number of People Coached (17:27)
Again, with 20 years of run rate, it sounds like right now, how long have you been in the coaching space for? This is the 20th year right now. 20 years, this is my 20th year of my own practice right now. And how many, I mean, I'm sure you probably know an exact number, but roughly how many people have you coached? I mean, how many graduates, how many people have you coached? I mean, how many graduates you will, how many lives have you changed? I've, I've, I've stopped counting after probably around 450 or more easily. Um, I mean, and that's not all the people when I go into a corporation or do a workshop or do a keynote and I get these notes and these messages and people after it said, Hey, that thing you did or that quote you posted or that message or that comment that changed my life. Those are the messages. You know, I have, I have two folders in my inbox. You know, I keep the messages from the people that have said, Hey, wow, you really inspired me, right? Because that warms my heart, it keeps me going. And then I have a whole folder of people that tell me that I'm a fraud, it keeps me going and then I have a whole folder of people that tell me that I'm a fraud that my book sucks and that I'm a disgrace to coaching and I look at those every day as well because that's my fuel right and and the other ones my fire right the fire is the heat the warmth the love the other ones the fuel it motivates me there's always gonna be people out there that think they're better than you hate on you you, and you have two choices, right? You can either give in and collect the evidence to support narrative or you can use it to fuel and motivate you to continue on your path. Yeah. And that's, Lindsey and I just had an episode not too long ago about that, that we call the force of average.
Energetic Resistance (18:55)
So there's this, you know, the collective society wants to keep the norm stable. So those people, what I found is the ones that are quote unquote haters or people that don't like that, that they're uncomfortable with you ascending to new places, new, new opportunities, and you're obviously making a massive impact in the world. And that makes them uncomfortable. All they want everybody to do is be back at that average so that they just kind of blend in. Totally. It's, I agree a hundred percent. I think the other thing is when people dislike you, but they're uncomfortable around you, it's because you embody something they can't be within themselves. Think about it. When somebody walks into a room and you're immediately like, I can't stand that person. They better get out of here. You don't even know who they are. Right. And you're just like, I can't get rid of them. It's because energetically they have, let's say, confidence, right? Or they're wearing something that you wish you owned or you wish you liked or, and so that's the way our brains work. And so a lot of times we're just, you know, we're just reacting, right? Like I don't like this person. Why? Because they are confident and I'm not confident. And that's like where a lot of the, you know, the hating comes from. And I agree. And they would much rather have you come to their world of average, right? The norm so that we can all just enable each other. Yeah. Not interested. No, certainly not. Absolutely not. And Josh, a part of this show, and I know you know that we've had conversations and I love the fact, I mean, it feels so humbling that you take time to comment on, it feels like a post or two of mine a week on Instagram is that sounds right now. When I see you pop up of like, this is the most impactful post you've written. I'm like, geez, I was just literally spitballing from the heart with whatever came out. And then it's, it's making this impact on somebody that I have massive respect for. So I appreciate that. Yeah. Yeah, please. Sorry. No, no, go ahead, Josh. I was going to say it's, it's the truth. I mean, I mentioned this to you before we jumped on the air in my business, my job is predicated on listening to people in, and it's probably less training, nine, you know, 10% training and 90% intuition.
Who Are You? (20:49)
And, um, I've learned a lot about myself in order to be with, like literally show up and be with people. And you are one of the true, the true, true people that I respect in life, but you know, as I'm getting to know you, but also just online, like what you put is who you are. And you know, I hope the listeners really recognize that, you know, your show is successful for a reason, because it's just an extension of who you are. And, you know, I hope the listeners really recognize that, you know, your show is successful for a reason because it's just an extension of who you are. You're not trying to be anybody else but yourself. And so, you know, hats off to you for doing that because it's inspiring to me as well. I appreciate that. And that's just one of those lessons. And again, this show to me is always about some sort of lesson. And I gather and gleam a lesson from something every day. And to me, to me it just it's it's touching my heart right now just to be yourself like who you are is okay and sharing that okay the world needs more of that like you're a divine creature that's destined for greatness whether you accept it or not like it's there inside of you if you just own it and start to cultivate it and let it out and you get a coach like Josh get somebody to help you along the path I mean call it what it is it's tumultuous water, but if you just do that for long enough, good things happen.
Self-Reflection And Resilience
Love Unconditionally (21:48)
Yeah. Yeah. You got to stick with it though. Yes. That that's one of my first episodes. One of the ones that gets still the most comments today is outlasting the suck where there's just part of every journey that just sucks where you don't want to quit or you don't want to keep going. You want to turn back. You're like, it's easier to go home. And those that are successful fight through that suck and outlast it. Like they get to that next level and there's a new level of suck that comes, but you just outlast that a first one and you get that momentum going. And it always seems easier after that. Yeah, it's true. I like that. And I remember listening to that actually it's outlast the suck. But I think what you just said is so critical to listeners is that once you get past the suck be prepared for the next suck right uh you know I equate a lot of things I'm actually believe it or not I'm thinking about a second book already and I equate a lot of the things that I've learned in life to watching as a parent watching my kids grow up and one of the things I remember when I had my first child uh my brother who had two twin girls ahead of me by a couple of months, he said, I was exhausted. He goes, look, Josh, let me tell you something.
You are exactly where you are meant to be (23:04)
As soon as you get to the breaking point, like your kid is doing something you just can't handle anymore, it'll stop. Celebrate, enjoy, and then get ready because something else is going to start for another six weeks or six months. And it just stuck with me because it's so true. It's so cyclical of life, right? We work so hard to get somewhere and then we're not happy or we're onto the next thing. And you know, it's, it truly is the journey. Embrace the journey. That's, that's just, it's so critical to be happy. Could not agree more. And that, that's a perfect segue, Josh, into what these episodes are about is, is that impactful lesson that, that you've learned. And obviously you've shared a bunch already, but if I were to ask you right now, speaking from your heart, what's, what's that story you could tell about your life? The thing that you're obviously not most proud of, but has been the most impactful and the lessons you've learned from it.
If I Was Strong Enough To Outlast The Suck (23:53)
And would you mind sharing something that's, you know, one of those called deep, dark secrets, the thing that you're just, you need to get out. You know, there's actually two, but if I don't have time for two, I'll just do one. So I'm going to stop you up front. You have, you have the distinct pleasure of sharing two miserable things with the audience. Oh, I've got a lot. You know, I'll start off with one. This was, this was such a pivotal shift in my life. My grandmother's no longer alive. She was 93 years old. We're sitting in this diner in on 23rd Street 8th Avenue in Chelsea and I'll never forget this and she goes to me. She goes, you know, how are you? And I was in a teenager at that time 18 years. I mean I was like, I'm tired and She just drops her fork on the plate of so loud. I remember that she looks at me and she goes Why are you always tired? I was like, what are you talking about? Relax, grandma. She goes, why are you always tired? I'm like, I'm not always tired. She goes, I've known you for so long. Don't call me a liar. You always say you're tired. And I was like, really? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, I never thought about it. And she goes, well, tell me, cause I'm not eating and we're not leaving until you tell me why you're always tired. Are you not sleeping? I go, no, I slept like 10 hours last night. And she's like, then why are you tired? And I was like, I don't know. She goes, I will not accept that answer.
What Josh Discovers in Recognizing Self-Honesty (25:02)
And this was like coaching, right? And I was like, thought about it. And this really true story came to me. I said, I guess when I tell people I'm tired, I get to manipulate people in a very strategic passive-aggressive way so think about this if you tell somebody you're tired what are you gonna get from them you're gonna get empathy sympathy okay Josh that's okay you know go rest up or what do you need or you know I'll leave you alone and what I noticed is that a large part of my life, I was telling people I was tired because I really just wasn't, I didn't wanna be around people. And it wasn't depressed necessarily, it was just some sort of mechanism. And I didn't have like Asperger's or social anxiety, I just was maybe an introvert. But I had created this mechanism called I'm tired. And it was so rooted in my life and it pushed so many people away from me. And this all was uncovered through a conversation at a coffee shop with my 93-year-old grandmother. That was a low point for me because I got to tell you, I didn't take a cab or a bus or a subway home from 23rd to 80th Street. I walked. I remember that day. It was a hot-ass day in August. And I walked all the way home just kind of crying thinking about how deep this ran in my life and how many people and how many opportunities and how much love have I pushed away because I was being selfish and scared and saying that I was tired. So that's number one. Okay. That's deep. I mean, and to learn such an impactful lesson at 18 and have a grandmother that's in tune enough with you to bust your balls and call you out on it. Oh yeah, that was huge. And let me tell you something. I don't ever say I'm tired anymore. I have not said I'm tired in a long time. I say I'm exhausted. I'm not tired. Another one, this is really big is in 2007, I created the first life coaching app for the iPhone ever. I had this idea that was very simple. I said, not everyone can afford coaching. So how do I bring coaching to the masses? Well, at the time, it was all about the iPhone. So I said, okay, what if I took the essence of these dummies books and I drilled down and distilled what coaching is into a basic four-step process. And I did that. I designed it, coded it. I put it all together I packaged it I put it on the iPhone App Store and it became a huge success number one downloaded iPhone app and the first one ever and I had this great product and all of a sudden I started surrounding myself with people that said you need to go raise money you've got a business here really all I had was a proof of concept of a product but we built out this whole executive summary in this big business plan I just big vision I was an entrepreneur at heart ready to go and I remember the calls on the phone these investors they wanted to give me 1.4 million dollars and the short version is they said no the long version is I surrounded myself with some really horrible people that gave me some really bad advice. And I trusted these people and I thought they had my back. And I not only didn't get the money, but these people wound up taking my idea and making it bigger and better and made a lot of money off of it. And it was a real low point for me because I was feeling like I was on cloud nine. I had just come off creating the first app ever for the iPhone for coaching. And then I recognized that I made some bad judgments in the people that I surrounded myself with. And the lesson I learned is, really make sure the people, and I love this quote, I say it all the time, make sure that the people in your circle are also, I say it all the time, make sure that the people in your circle are also in your corner. It's really, really important because if you surround yourself with people whose interests are not aligned with yours, then don't expect that the outcome is gonna be anything different than what they want versus what you want. And that stung, I mean it really sucked, Ryan, to be quite honest with you. Yeah, is that company still in business? I mean, I know a couple of other entrepreneurs that have read their books and they have comparable things with comparable stories. So I'm trying to quietly put together my mind. Yeah. So, you know, here's the thing. I'm not going to reveal names. I'll tell you this though, you know, coaching on the apps is, I don't think anyone's really solved it, to be quite honest with you. I think virtual AI and all that stuff, we can talk about that at length another time. But the real key lesson here is that if you're an entrepreneur or in life, if you have a goal, you want to start a lemonade stand, whatever it is, make sure you do your diligence, take the time and ask yourself, is this the person I want next to me? Is that the person I want next to me? Because if you have any doubt whatsoever, check in with them. And if you still have doubt, then probably not. And guess what? If you find that you've got no one next to you to do it, then go do it yourself and learn a lesson because that's the only way you're going to live life. Yeah, man. I mean, this is just the lessons here. I mean, I normally tie everything into your relationship and your body and sure that's easy. Like with you saying that you're tired and your grandmother, you know, teeing you up on that and saying not really, I mean, that's a self-defeating story that you've told for selfish reasons that you were forced to analyze. So it's very easy in your life as a listener, where else are you doing that?
If youre claiming to be tired, exhausted or cranky, (30:12)
I mean, you're doing it inside your business that you're, you have this self-defeating personality that you can't get this raise or you can't You don't enjoy your job. That's an easy parallel same thing in your body You know Are you really lying to yourself and creating this path in this story that you know? You can't have the body you want because of either bad genetics or or not enough money to eat Well or all the different bullshit stories we can tell ourselves maybe the relationship side of things that you came from an abusive household or you grew up around divorce or poverty and you just don't truly believe that you deserve to have that positive happy healthy relationship I'm these are these are easy lessons to garnish and gain from this but I think that's just the tip of the iceberg for all the things that you have inside of you that are a lot bigger than the simple way we tighten up these met these these podcasts together. Like this is some great stuff. And you know, auditing that circle. I mean, I'm guilty in my own right. I had a business partner first part of this year that I had invested six figures into what I thought was going to be revolutionary marketing artificial intelligence from Caltech and JPL had access in and come to find out the way that I invested into it was through a woman that didn't actually have any voting rights in the business. So I had sent her money to an account that I thought was hers or what that was a business account that ended up being her account. It wasn't the business. And so it's this whole fight to get the money back. And it's, you know, she's having me out to her house and there's all these things that, you know, I think I've, I think I've met you know my next great mentor my next great business partner and I never took the time to peel back the layers of the onion enough to really dive into who am I associating with and why do I feel like I need to associate with them yeah yeah no I don't get it buddy yeah I mean honestly, you know when I work with corporations Anyone any of your listeners that work at organizations know about the terminology of a post-mortem, right? After you do some sort of exercise workshop or whatever it is. You do a post-mortem you sit down you like oh what worked what didn't you know you do an analysis of it and I I use that same kind of framework just with my clients in life.
Post-mordems & lessons from mistakes (32:10)
Like I asked him like okay that same kind of framework just with my clients in life. Like I asked him like, Hey, so that didn't work out. Why? Let's take as much time as we need and walk away with at least one lesson. What's one nugget of information? Because if you do not walk away, having learned one thing to make you better, you are literally doomed to repeat this again. And that's why when people, uh, when I'm talking to people and they're like, yeah, I want to be in a new relationship. I'm like, okay, let's talk about it. We start peeling back the layers, as you mentioned. And they're like, yeah, I don't know why I can't be in, you know, I can't find the love of my life. You know, I've moved from this state to this state or I can't find the right job. And it's this boss and this boss and I move from here to here. Because what we do is we just do the lily pad effect, right? We just jump from one pad to the next. We're not taking the time to actually ask ourselves, what is the common denominator here? Because the answer we all know is ourselves, right? We are the same person that jumps from job and relationship and house and this and that. And because we never stop to actually ask ourselves, A, what are we going to learn?
Practical Tips For Growth
Why change? The lilypad effect & reformative years (33:19)
And what are we running from? And this is the stuff that you, when I read your posts on Instagram, the reason I find them so insightful is because you take us on this narrative arc. And it's really fascinating to me. You talk about yourself in a way that's not self-deprecating, that's very vulnerable and transparent. And then you tie it back into the listener, to the reader, and then like leave us with like something to think about. And I think's really really important because in my book it's the way I think and it's the way I kind of write it and I think anybody who's really looking to learn and develop and better themselves could learn a lot from just reading your posts so man I appreciate that it's it's crazy to talk about the lilypad effect and how those things work I have this theory that I've been vetting out as I've had more listeners, you know, more of you guys reach out to me. And that's during those cognitive formative years of four to 12 to 14, we establish these thought processes and ultimately some sort of limiting behavior or what we accept as a social norm that until we make some mistakes into our twenties and hopefully early twenties and then can recalibrate and realize why those mistakes were made and then go back and really heal that child that had the trauma and the things even if the trauma was anything big you could have been in a perfect family with mother and father that were married that you didn't upper middle class you know new car in the driveway every two years there was one time the cooking dinner and she yelled at you and that seared your subconscious like that you're just afraid now of women yelling at you. And it only happened once in your life, but it stuck to you. And so back to that point, unwind that ball of yarn and start to fix that and just heal that and understand that that's okay. And that happened for a reason. I was doomed. I lived my entire twenties that way, just repeating the same things over and over again with the cheating and the lying and the manipulating. And it was just, that was who I was yeah no totally I mean that's the that's the narrative right and so you know we stick our hand in the cookie jar and you know somebody smacks it and says no you can't have that and we walk away thinking I can't eat it because I'm overweight right and this is at a young age and then for the rest of your life you start creating this complex around your weight or that you're a bad person before that your intention is to steal something and it's it's really diabolically sick and it's perplexed but it's it's the it's psychologically how we're hardwired and so some of us dismantle this right and at our 20s or 30s or 90s and some of us never do and you know and and it's it's interesting because you know coaching is not therapeutic it's therapeutic in nature but it's not therapy we're not going back to manage and cope we only look back to how things may impact your action right now to move you forward but therapy even cognitive therapy and more progressive theory therapy is about managing and coping right it's about's about digging, like you said, like peeling back the layers and unrolling the yarn and the ball yarn. So you can understand like, oh, that's what really happened, not the creation of the story and the narrative and the evidence that I've collected for the last 20 years about what I've said. And when you realize that, you're like, holy shit, think of all the decisions I've made based on that one incident. It's crazy. Yeah. And then this, this could take us on a whole episode to quantum physics, metaphysics and the way that we view the world and our perception versus reality. And this, this whole duality that I believe exists based off of, you know, some sort of level of cognitive distance that just happens because we go through the same repetitive traits over and over again. So you could get numb to the external forces that are really pushed upon you. And I heard you say it as we started this interview, essentially some form of being present, being here now, being in the moment and being just at peace with everything that's going around you has opened up this whole other journey for me of being able to, it sounds cliche, but see brighter colors and hear better sounds, like really understand that the reality that I'm creating is truly the one that I'm creating in this moment. I don't care if I've been here before or not. I get to create today right now, not you, not the listener, me for myself and my perception. That's so powerful. Yeah, but it's so, so, you know, I don't know where your listeners are in this conversation. They could either be right there with us or they could have checked out because it's deep right and it's it's you are it's it's designing your life that's what I call you are designing your life in the moment food tastes better right relationships but you know people talk about mindfulness and mindfulness training and and and they throw the word around haphazardly many times but you, you know, at the end of the day, it's about being mindful, right? That's what it is. Being intentional, be mindful and be present. But I've been working on presence for 20 years and I still struggle with it. And that's predicated on what I do for a living. So I'll be the first to tell you that, you know, you find someone who's like, oh, at mindfulness or being you know at being present I would I would be a little skeptical that this is a everyday in-and-out journey where you recommit it's like your integrity you can be in integrity one second and then be out of it and put it right back in and being present is the same way we are forced by all the outside circumstances and technology to to get us out of our presence right so that's why, you know, detaching from technology, go really connect, not head to head, but heart to heart. One of the things I work on with leaders and companies and stuff is that when you're talking to people, don't like be conscious and cognizant of your body language and your posture. And most importantly, have your chest and your heart open and facing the person you're talking to, because it actually has an impact on them. Obviously make eye contact, of course, but make sure that your chest is open. And when you, you know, for listeners out there, the next time you're talking to somebody, check in on the person on yourself, but look at the person. Are their arms closed up? What's their body language telling you? Because that'll tell you how present they are. They could be very present and feeling insecure or scared, or they could be very open. You know, technically if we arms are open and our chest is out, it's a sign of confidence, but it's also a sign of invitation and openness. I mean, again, we could talk about this forever, but I'm fascinated by this, the way people are and what we do while we do it yeah man this is just I love talking to you I mean I hope you the listener pick up on the fact that none of this is just like every other episode that I have none of this is pre-canned I mean we had a quick conversation before hopping on the mic and recording the episode but it's just kind of where we're going and I call this stuff being in the process of progress like there is no final destination like you said being mindful I don't know there's a where you practice this and after six years like I've made it I am just mindful no there is no there it literally as cliche as it sounds there is no desk there's no destination that you know there's a light at the end the tunnel you may not get there it's you know I've been working with a coach for 19 and a half years the same coach so as a certified professional coach you're mandated to have a coach like a therapist needs a therapist I've been working on myself I mean you could ask my wife you could ask my friends I mean I have I've spent more hours crying more hours I've been in therapy for like really understanding who I am at my core so that I can strip that away and show up and be heart to heart and head to head with people and be present.
How to Be Mindful (39:22)
And I'm telling you that I can be present with somebody or a group of a thousand people or more for a couple hours. And then when I come home, I struggle with being present. It's not simple. It's not like you just turn it on and off. Like you got to work at it. It's a muscle that also gets exhausted or you overuse it. It gets strained. So, but I believe that if you're not present, you're going to miss out on everything. Everything. Completely green. You touch base on another something that just is, I'll say near and dear to my heart is coaching has become this fun buzzword, you know, you see people making money and like people can just become coaches and you touch base on something that I have coaches that I've shared posts on this.
I think, I mean, I've, I didn't even point four or five different coaches for different parts of my life. But if you, as you're listening are considering going down the coaching path and whether it's Josh and what his methodology is or anybody else on the planet, if you can't talk to them and figure out who their coaches either currently are or have been in the past two months, and maybe they're in between, if they don't have a direct immediate answer or run from that, I would say you should run from them. Like there's a disconnect there. Like you can't coach if you're not being coached. It doesn't work. It's not a, it is truly a consistent feedback loop in my opinion. Yeah. You, so, I mean, this is something that is so near and dear to my heart and for the listeners out there, if you're interested in working with a coach, you know, by all means reach out to me and email me not for my services, but for the information I will provide you so that you can make the best, most informed decision. And here's why. If you're, the word, as Ryan said, the word coaching gets thrown around like weights, you know, like kettle bells, right? It just gets tossed all over the place. And the reality is this, if you wanna go find a coach, whether you call it a life coach, or personal coach, or executive coach, in that world of your life, you have to make sure that that person is vetted and certified. Really do your homework and make sure that they went to a program that is some sort of accreditation and certification. And the reason being, this goes back to what Ryan said, is that if they are a legit coach, then they have the right ethics, competencies, and morals in place, and they're going to help you versus somebody saying like, hey, you know what? Saturday, I decided I lost a bet. Now I'm a coach and I'm going to go out and I'm going to go tell all my friends because, Hey, I worked in HR at a company for five months. It doesn't work that way. You're putting your life in someone else's hands and, uh, and you should cherish your own life, you know, just the way you would. So yeah, please, please, please make sure you do your, your homework around that. It's really important. Yes. I think that's just the perfect segue as we wrap up this episode. And, and, and Josh, I couldn't be more appreciative for the offer that you made to the listeners that 10 of you that are, that are listening right now to reach out to joshhmiller.com, go ahead and contact him. Tell him you heard the message on 15 minutes of freedom for him to offer you a 40 minute coaching, coaching consultation by whatever part of your life you'd like to get more honed in calibrate to a higher level not only that but also the fact of the book launch you know and the fact yeah and you know four and a half hours of your life reading your own book and then sharing that and that's available right now i mean i can't imagine not picking up on that i mean shoot this episode is almost one-tenth of the book you know which which is which is great so for those of you that like to digest content that way definitely go check out I call bullshit on audible through Amazon or pick up the book if you're like me and you like to hold in your hand Amazon has it I'm sure your website has a link to Amazon as well if somebody wants to go that way yeah absolutely and I just couldn't be more appreciative of the time and energy you spent with me today Josh it means the world to me I sincerely appreciate you all the value add to the world and and the value of added to my life already well it goes both ways Ryan thank you for having me as a guest but um you know that it literally works both ways you know I believe you pay it forward in life and I get just as much out of this as you do and I look forward to a, you know, reading your posts every day and going on journey of your life.
Wrapping up (44:08)
And hopefully your listeners will take me up on that offer and check out the audio book and and yeah, I wish everybody the best. Yes. And so it, it wouldn't be a 15 minutes of freedom episode.
Closing Remarks (44:40)
If I didn't wrap this up with reminding you that no matter what you do every day, if you put one foot in front of the other attacking your goal, you're bound to end up getting shit done. Hey guys, Ryan here. Thanks for joining me today. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you consume audio and subscribe to 15 Minutes to Freedom if this brought you value please do me a favor and drop me a 5 star rating then share this podcast with someone who needs to hear it for additional content head over to RyanNidell.com that's R-Y-A-N-N-I-D-D-E-L dot com