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This is 15 Minutes to Freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Idell, and today's episode is There Are No Coincidences.
Life Experiences And Relationships
Coincidences in life (00:22)
is there are no coincidences. Today I'm going to share with you what most would call the most random chain of events, but what I'm going to reframe and declare to be the most divine chain of events that could happen. So I sit here in the office, it's Friday night, 6.54 p.m., and I'm just a little bit in awe. I'm in awe of the fact of the way the world works. Now, I can't help but think some pretty far out things, right? I question if this life that we live is a simulation. this life that we live is a simulation. I question if we have a soul's purpose, right? That we've went through many, many iterations of life to get to the point of knowing what we know now and that it's our soul's mission to keep learning until we can ascend to a higher level. I question if we were put here, and this is just really a whole little science experiment for a higher powered life form. I even question if with the 5% of the visible spectrum we can see, and the less than 3% we can hear, if there aren't other beings, creatures, things, energy forms all around us right now, and we would have no way to know. Beings, creatures, things, energy forms all around us right now and we would have no way to know. It's just a little insight into all the crazy things that go on in my mind where I'm left alone to my own devices. I share that as an entry point for how all these pieces had to synergistically line up that I'm about to share with you. So if you've been listening for a long time to the show or potentially you haven't, I'll clue you in.
Breaking up with her (02:09)
I was a liar, was a cheater, I was pretty manipulative in my life. There's all these things that go on to make me who I am. Who I was, but then create who I am. And so I go back into my teens, right? You might have heard part of the story of, you know, senior year of high school coming home, deciding it was time to move out, right? For my own reasons, mom dated a guy that was a pretty big drinker. One thing leads to another, I move out. At that point, the man that filled in this role of a father figure happened to be the man I was working for because my father was six or seven hours away in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania. Him and I also didn't have a close relationship at that point. But as this father figure is filling this role, I'm working for him, had been working for him since I was 14, and ended up dating his daughter. She was my first, what I call really serious girlfriend, long-term girlfriend. Of course, when I move out, it'd be his natural inclination to move me into his house. He had the space, the resources, but I couldn't go there. Dating his daughter, that wouldn't have been appropriate. And so I lived in his office for quite some time, slept on cots, did all that good, happy stuff. But then this family's best friend, so? So two families that are best friends with one another, they had ample space left in their house. Their three boys had grown up and moved out and were all successful in their own right. And so they offered me the opportunity to stay with them. I eventually took them up on that, of course. Why course why wouldn't i well that's the entry point for where the story goes it's gonna be a little bit of a longer episode so sit back relax grab some popcorn maybe kick your feet up but i don't know how to tell it in a more condensed form so during this time i'm still dating what i'm going to refer to as that time period in life's my father figure. That's who he was. I'm dating his daughter. I go away to University of Cincinnati my freshman year, and I'm coming home every weekend to spend time with his daughter, who I'm dating, but also work for him. Because he's affording me the luxury of being able to make money while I'm gone at school, but also come back and date his daughter. Well, we eventually fast forward into Thanksgiving, maybe Christmas, and his daughter and I break up. I'm distraught. I'm heartbroken. I'm all these things. I've been with this girl now for a year and a half and I'm convinced I'm going to marry her.
Back together (04:59)
I mean, why wouldn't I from 17 to 18 and a half just be convinced this girl that I'm dating is the one I'm going to be with forever. And so I'm still coming home, right? I'm still, it's like my pattern. Like I don't want to get indoctrinated into the culture of university of Cincinnati because none of that stuff matters to me. I just want this, this person back in my life. And so I ended up helping them for that winter break, build part of their house and really all these things where this girl is still dating, house and really all these things where this girl is still dating, now dating someone else. Well, life takes its twists and turns and by prom her senior year, now she's not dating that guy anymore and I get a chance to come back into her life. And of course, why wouldn't I take her up on that?
Transfer to Miami of Ohio (05:59)
It just makes perfect sense to me. So we have this little four or five month hiatus, whatever it was, then we're back together. And of course, she's going to go to Miami of Ohio for her freshman year of college. So why wouldn't I transfer there? Makes great sense to me. I just want to be around her. Lots of my friends from my hometown are there. That's where I'm going to go. So just want to be around her. Lots of my friends from my hometown are there. That's where I'm going to go. So I transferred to Miami of Ohio and she's there and I'm there and all is well with the world. During that time period, I'm no longer coming home to work. So of course I need to make money. Well, the family that I had been living with when I was coming home, their youngest son's girlfriend at that point worked for this little company called Red Bull. It's a joke that it's little, but back in 2003, they weren't what they are today.
Becoming Red Bull (07:02)
Back in 2003, they weren't what they are today. So she works for Red Bull and introduces me to the district manager that says they're looking to fill positions on the mobile marketing team. Now that is a super fancy title for the people that would drive around in the little Isuzu Rodeo cars with the Red Bull can on the back. That would show places and hand out free Red Bull Yes, that was actually a job it might still be a job I have no idea But our job what we were tasked to do was drive to different locations that were preset by the call district manager that we had To go get so many samples and we had little spreadsheets. We'd fill out and turn them back in We had to go get so many samples and we had little spreadsheets we'd fill out and turn them back in. And you'd get one case of free Red Bull a week. And I think back then I was making $18 to $20 an hour for four to five hour shifts. Incredible money. Now granted, I had to drive 45 minutes to get to the quote unquote office and 45 minutes back to the college campus. But, you know, things work the way they're supposed to I Share all this because this this family that I'm living with their youngest son is dating the girl that introduced me to the Person that hires me inside a Red Bull because she too is holding a different position inside the Red Bull corporation She also happens to go to Miami of Ohio. She just happens to be a senior when I'm a sophomore.
Youngest son meets new woman (08:15)
She might have even been a fifth year.
Breaking up again (08:33)
And so I'll press fast forward and life takes its twists and turns and that summer, the same girl and I, right, the following summer, the same girl and I, the following summer, the same girl and I decide to part ways. We're sitting outside her father's office, sitting in a Jeep, top's off. She says, I just, I think this is just, I don't want to go this direction. I think I need space. Fantastic. I'm not even necessarily sad at this point, because things weren't lining up that summer. None of that really even matters, other than the fact of, there's now another pivot, there's a shift. She still ends up going back to Miami, and so do I. But things are just different.
his problems with telling the truth (09:17)
I then find and start dating another girl, but of course, that started my inability to tell the truth when it comes to women. You see, I was dating another girl, but I wasn't fully forthright with that information with my ex or her family. Now, you might say, well, you wouldn't have to be. That would have been the story that I ran in my head. I don't owe them anything. But even if I didn't owe them anything, I could have told them that I was dating somebody else. I selectively left that out of every conversation for a long time. Life progresses, things move forward. I'm still having conversations with the ex while I'm dating my current girlfriend. At that point in life, it just is messy. Well, at some point, the family that I was staying with, whose son introduced me to the woman that worked inside a Red Bull who happened to be in Miami. You're connecting those dots. He asked her to marry him. She says yes. So I get to go to the wedding. Which is interesting. to go to the wedding, which is interesting because my ex is going to be there that doesn't know I'm dating somebody else. And there's all this commotion. Now, keep in mind at this point, if I'm rounding up, I'm somewhere between 19 and 20 years old. I'm going to give myself a wink and a nod and say that I'm 20. I don't think I'm of legal age to drink at this point. want to give myself a wink and a nod and say that I'm 20. I don't think I'm of legal age to drink at this point. And if I'm mistaken on the years, then so be it. But I'm at this wedding and it's up in Michigan, if I recall, if I put together these pieces the right way, and life is good.
Well, eventually, things aren't so good, right? Because at some point during that time when I wasn't with my ex-girlfriend, I was still quote unquote occasionally with my ex-girlfriend. You can take that for whatever you want it to mean. And so when the things come out that I'm dating this other person, it gets all bad. It gets all bad in a hurry. So much so, then one thing leads to another, and we as a collective group of individuals decide to essentially part ways. Now, there's all types of twists and turns into that story, which I won't bore you with, but trust me, all of it was very well deserved on their behalf. And I take it with a head held high at this point. Right? I hurt this girl's feelings. I was not honest and forthright. So it was time for me to be excommunicado. I was out. So it was time for me to be excommunicado. I was out. Well, that's what eventually sprung into the life and health insurance field, which then sprung into the automotive world. Which at that point, the man that I would have called my father figure for that little period of time, the man that had an incredible influence in who I am as a man today, came into that dealership to see me. He had been every bit of 18 months, maybe more since I had seen him. See, at that point in life, I was still having a very difficult time telling the truth. Don't think by any means that by 22, I had my shit figured out. And I had put, that was, it was such an old school dealership that you had this laminate postcard that was put on the outside of your office and slid in this little plastic slot, right? So if a customer walked by, they'd see a little bit about you. If a customer walked by, they'd see a little bit about you. And of course, I worded it in such a way to make myself sound better than I actually was. That's why I worded this entire postcard that I had spent seven, eight years inside of this manufacturing representative company. In addition to a bunch of other accolades. Well, while there could be some truth to that, facts of life are. I mowed the yard at the manufacturing representative company. I cleaned cars at the manufacturing representative company. I kept a garage clean. I was an errand boy. I ran people back and forth to the airport. I didn't actually do things inside the manufacturing representative company. But certainly, what I wrote on this sheet of paper would make it seem so. See, I didn't realize at that point how insecure I really was as a man for all the reasons that I now get why I was. But this man that was like my father figure for that period of time, really from 14, 15 till 19, 20, 21, sometime in there, probably 20. Walks in, greets me, walks around the showroom, sees that postcard, and essentially has enough. There could have been this little moment in time where maybe we could have reconciled. Where things could have changed. I could have taken a different path. But I didn't. Because I had to embellish what was really going on. Well, that led down an incredible path for me personally because I ended up finding great success inside that dealership and great success down here in Columbus inside of two dealerships. And that story continues on. Right? But as I moved from Mansfield, Ohio to Columbus, Ohio and get involved in dealership groups there, really all the old families, all the old groups of people, anything that I would associate with back in my small hometown, were kind of thrown to the wayside. Not because I didn't see value in them, but because I was insecure in having to own what I had done wrong. You see, it was always easier to run from the truth, from the lies I had told, from the pain that I had created, than it was to actually have to face it. And so with not being able to face it, right, not being able to face the cold, hard truth of what was going on, I found it to be exponentially easier to just run away. It was easier to not deal with it. And that's what I did with Columbus. Right? Certainly. It was a better move for me. In the automotive world. I had to fly the nest. Of the small domestic dealership. To get down to Columbus, Ohio. To sell the high end cars. Etc. Etc. But in so many capacities. What I was really doing. Was running from the truth. Which was that I was a fucking liar and I couldn't figure out how to put together the pieces. Well, dealership world turns into web hosting world, turns into affiliate marketing world, turns into clothing, right? And eventually turns into affiliate marketing world, turns into clothing, right? And eventually turns into coaching. And that old version of my life in little Mansfield, Ohio just escapes me. Doesn't even exist. And so I have this coaching practice, right? The podcast that you know me by. I have all these things that now exist in my life that I have worked diligently over the past three, four years, five years to grow into the man that you know me as today. And through growing into the man that I am today, I've been fortunate to walk hand in hand, side by side, shoulder to shoulder with some truly incredible individuals across really the globe now. Right? New Zealand, Australia, California, really everywhere had this incredible opportunity. One of the clients that I got to walk hand in hand with, side by side with, is this brilliant woman named Ashley, Ashley Walton.
Ashley introduction (17:57)
And Ashley is in Southern California. And not only did I get to walk side by side with her, hand in hand with her, we graduated our time together and she decided she felt inspired enough from the changes she'd made in her life that she too wanted to start to lead other people. So she wanted to become a coach. So I introduced her to the Human Potential Institute, right? Bulletproof training, some of the training I'm going through right now. She jumps in very quickly with her husband. We then have conversations about her joining the Life Optimization Group and being able to offer specific coaching inside of this framework, which she gladly accepts. I was on an incredible training protocol with her today. And so I'm at the gym yesterday, Thursday morning, 920, get a text message, put my phone out of my pocket, and it's a picture of Ashley message. Pull my phone out of my pocket and it's a picture of Ashley with the woman that was getting married to the man whose parents' house I ended up staying in. The same woman that got me the job inside of Red Bull. She's side by side with Ashley. They sent me a picture. You see, but I'm intelligent enough to realize that this picture is in full clothing, right? Full work clothing, of course, why wouldn't it be full clothing? But it's 920 here and they're on the West Coast, so it's 620. So I know that picture is not from today. It's from yesterday and Ashley proceeds to say just sends a picture and I said oh my gosh I haven't seen this woman for a really long time she's an incredible human being I hope all is well she says yeah and we banter back and forth for a little while and the most watered down direct version of the story possible, the way that I perceived it, was that this woman had some things to share with Ashley about the man that I was. Maybe some of the stories of my past. Lord knows from 19 to 20, 21 and 22, I had a speckling of stories I am certainly not proud of. And why wouldn't this woman, if she shared these stories, that's who she knew me as? But here I am as a 35-year-old man, I don't embody any of those same traits. I'm not the same person. I don't think the same way, operate the same way, speak the same way, or believe in the same things, but yet that's what she's sharing with someone that I hold in dear space. Well, without knowing the specifics of their conversation, I get the impression that Ashley, who would be my friend, client, and now coworker, shared some things back with her about maybe the man that I am today. lo and behold, that woman is now divorced from the man, right? That little way that they introduced themselves into my life. They got divorced. She's living in Southern California. Things happen in life as they do for all of us. And I couldn't help but think of how many different hoops would have had to have been jumped through in order to make that happen. Right? I had to essentially leave my house at 17. I had to be dating this man's daughter. I had to get brought into the family that was their best friend's family.
Coincidence story (21:33)
I had to then be dating the daughter to then get asked to the wedding, to then also get employed by Red Bull, to become friends with this girl who was at Miami the same time I was at Miami. To then really burn that part of my life completely to the ground at 21, 22, carry that forward all the way until right now, never really probably truly make amends the way that I would want to get then sent a picture from a client friend co-worker in Southern California that has now come across the same person who was originally from Michigan none of this happens by chance right so normally I would said when that's such a coincidence. That's crazy that you know her. But then I started to think like, what's the real reason this happened?
Real reason for coincidences (22:31)
Right? This is an orchestration that's far more divine than just happenstance. And whether you believe there's some grand power, some grand wizard like dictating where we go, that's one story. Another story is that I put all the pieces to play in my life to get me to where I'm at and where I want to arrive to, and so all these things had to have been constructed from a higher level of consciousness. Maybe that's it too. Either way, why is this happening right now? Why took it instantly? The old me, the me of even five years ago, would have been cringing inside. Petrified of what this woman could have shared with Ashley. Petrified of the stories. Petrified of the lies that would have had to have come out. Petrified of all the check boxes that would have had negative reviews reviews in them next to my name from her to a friend of mine. I would have had to have been petrified because I would have never owned my truth and would have had some piece of lies still present. Now, certainly, don't get me wrong. I have no doubt there's pieces of my life that I have either not covered, have my own cognitive dissonance for, have my own bias for, or just am omitting for whatever subconscious reason I am. But I do the best I can to lay all the cards on the table. And so from the very place of leaving all the cards on the table, which brought Ashley into my life from the words that I was speaking on this microphone in this very podcast that then allowed me to become friends with her, had actually shown the difference in what 15 years of consistency, growth, focus, and clarity can offer me and could offer you. Because I don't have to be nervous in that moment of what this other woman could have said to Ashley because I already know what she would have said. She said the truth to her. I was a liar. I manipulated. I did all these things. 100%, I most certainly did. Hand held high. But then I know on the other side, Ashley would have said, yeah, but all these things happened and he helped me this way and we're working together in this way. And both of those are true stories. They're just 15 years apart. And one had to happen in order for the other to happen. Neither one is more or less valuable. They're both equal parts to an equation that is perfectly balanced. an equation that is perfectly balanced. And so I choose to accept in this situation to focus on, look at how much growth someone can make over a period of time to become unrecognizable to the person they used to be. And if there's focus and there's intention, there's diligence towards growth, then growth becomes imminent.
Focusing On Potentiality And Reframing Perspective
Focus and intention to potentiality (25:11)
It's when you begin to sit in the passenger seat of your life versus the driver's seat that someone else is dictating where you go. And potentially, had I stayed on that original path, had I made amends, I might have been in the passenger seat of my own life. We'll never know. What I do know is now I'm in as much of a driver's seat in the orchestration position as one could possibly be. And that's the same place I wish for you to be. That none of this happened by chance, just like your life has not happened to you by chance. The trials, the tribulations, the headache, the heartache, the failures, the shortcomings, the lies, the deceit, all of those things that you may have done or may be doing right now, if you pause and want to reframe and reposition what is possible in your life and stop doing those things, it's not going to be instant. It's going to be painful.
Reframe and reposition what is Possible in your life (26:18)
You're going to have to own things that are uncomfortable. But when you do that in your own time period, while focusing on growth, life changes. And that life doesn't have to change in a one-dimensional reality, right?
We're speaking about relationship here, so I could call this the balance quadrant of my life. But inside of my body, inside of a spiritual connection to a higher power, inside of my business, it's really all the same.
Balance quadrant in my life (26:42)
inside of a spiritual connection to a higher power, inside of my business, it's really all the same. If we focus on what we don't have and we focus on the negative parts of our personality, we're pretty much bound to get more of those. But if we focus on a vision of the future and drive towards a bigger level of success while owning but not giving too much weight to the shortcomings of our life, life changes.
Reframe perspective (27:00)
And when your life changes just as mine has over this period of time, you'll find out that going forward, every day, you're able to get shit done. one.