Alex Cooper: The World's No.1 Female Podcaster Finally Opens Up! (Call Her Daddy) | E234 | Transcription
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I don't think they knew the impact it was having, but it was destroying the inside. Oh my god, sorry, I didn't expect for this to happen. What is up, Daddy Gang? Alex Cooper! The opiate post of... "Haul her, Daddy!" The most listened to female podcasts in the world. Hundreds of millions of downloads every month. Why you? I do everything for my audience. It's a very... ...dup industry to be a part of. Morally, I don't know if I should be saying this, but it just keeps getting bigger the more that we keep saying "wild". But exploiting my life for four years, there is a cost. The last year or so that I had a co-host, I was really struggling. "Haul her, Daddy!" was the biggest show ever. And everyone was like, "These girls are the best of friends!" And it was all crumbling behind the scenes. Why was I like getting people out of bed, managing drugs and alcohol, trying to be the thickser? Someone's gonna be the victim and someone's gonna be the villain. And I was the villain. You can get down a really dark path if you do have a goal. It's not worth losing yourself to get the prize. If today were your last day, and I had slid you a phone and said you're gonna have a conversation with your former partner, would you dial the number? I struggled so much wanting to tell the full story and wanting to tell the truth. How do I say this? Before we get into this episode, just wanted to say thank you, first and foremost, for being part of this community. The team here at the Diavicio is now almost 30 people. And that's literally because you watch and you subscribe and you leave comments and you like the videos that this show's been able to grow. And it's the greatest honour of my life to sit here with these incredible people and just selfishly ask them questions that I'm pondering over or worrying about in my life. But this is just the beginning for the Diavicio. We've got big big plans to scale this show to every corner of the world and to diversify our guest selection.
Personal Journey And Success Story
What shaped you? (02:00)
And that's enabled by you by a simple thing that you guys do, which is to watch. So if there's one thing you could do to help this show and to help us continue to do what we do, it's just to hit the subscribe button. If you like this show, if you like what we do here, if you watch these episodes, please just hit that subscribe button. Means the world. Let's go on with it. Alex. Hi. What is the earliest thing, the earliest piece of context that I need to know about you to understand the person that sat in front of me today and all that she's accomplished? Oh my gosh, Steven. Oh, that's a hard question. I would say I think that the experience I had growing up watching my father and what he did for a living, my dad is a sports television producer. And I remember when I was younger, my mom would take my sister, my brother, and I into Philadelphia. And we would go to the Philadelphia Flyers games because that's what he would produce. And we would stay in the stands watching hockey for like a period. And then after the first period, we would beg my mom like, please, can we go see dad? Can we go see dad? And my mom would be like, okay, like let's go. And she'd be like, you have to be quiet. And so she would bring us down to the television studio. And every single time it would like take my breath away watching my dad because I would walk in and he would be at the dead center at the front of the room with like 20 people behind him, 70 plus cameras in front of him. And he would be producing and directing a live sporting event. And that's like my earliest memory of realizing like, holy shit, I want to do this. Like I want to do what my dad does. And I think it was always instilled in me. Also like my dad loved what he did. So I know a lot of my friends, their dad would be like, got to go to work. And like I get that. That's like a lot of people in the world that I was so fortunate to watch. My dad was the first one in the arena. Like he was the first one there. He had his notes. He was ready to go. And then I would watch him like produce this live show like roll camera A, go to the announcers, roll the graphic, like hit the color. And I just was so enthralled by that world that from a very young age, I was able to quickly locate. That's what I want to do. That's what I want. Not only just like the actual act of producing, but the way that my father engaged with his work, like it wasn't work. My dad never complained about going. He was always so enthusiastic. And so to see your your parent and a figure above you that you respect so much, be so in love with what they're doing, I always was like, I want my passion to become my purpose, to become what I do in life. And I do think that kind of then makes sense as to like where I am now. Like I love what I do. And I really accredit a lot of that to like watching my father be so in love with his career and his job. What about your mother? My mother is a psychologist. So it's like the perfect storm growing up. I was like, mom, stop being so smart. Leave me alone. Why do all of the other kids moms would be like, oh, yeah, go to the movie, sweetie. And my mom would be like, you're not going to movies, you're going to a party, tell me what's happening, where are you going? I'd be like, why do you know these things? So it was frustrating. I think when I was younger, my mom and I had a really interesting dynamic because I always like to push the boundaries. And I was the youngest. So I was kind of like the wild child. And I loved that my mom was a psychologist, but I hated it because she was like too insightful and too with it that I wish I could have gotten away with more. But I do think as I started to come into my own, having her have this background in psychology allowed me to really put more of an importance on connection, connecting to your emotions, EQ versus IQ. Like my parents cared about our grades, but they also were more like, do you know how to interact in a room? Like, do you know how to read the room? Like, do you know when your friend is upset? Are you being honest with yourself with how you're feeling? So like my household was always like, how are you feeling? What's going on? And I'm like, can we stop talking about our feelings for one fucking second? But it really was like the perfect storm of I now on my show and so interested in just talking and having engaged in conversations because I think my mother, it was like a prerequisite in our house of like, no, no, you can't leave the house before I know like, how are you doing? I'm like, I'm fine. But like, so I think I really admired her, but in my like, angsty teen years, I was like, fuck off. Like, stop asking me how I'm feeling. I want to go drink and have fun with my friends. But she's amazing. And she's been like, probably the most instrumental person in my life in terms of like, my personal development as a human being.
Being bullied & how content saved me (07:07)
When she asked you how you were feeling when you were a kid, were you always honest with her? No. Oh, God. No. I was really, um, I had a hard time with like, wanting to make my parents really proud. I think they saw a lot in me and I was very like, doing a lot of things. I was really good at soccer. I was like, good at making movies and films and all the things, but I like really struggled in school. And so I never wanted to tell my parents that because I felt like I think I was like embarrassed because like, who I was at home was so not who I was at school. And so I was almost like, I'm still working through this in therapy. So I don't really know the full answer yet. But what I do know is I was like embarrassed to explain to my parents that I was like, getting bullied at school or having a hard time. Cause when I got home, I then was my actual real self where I was out going and goofy and happy. But then when I would go to school, I never wanted to tell them actually like that I was struggling, which is really strange. And I am still working on trying to figure out like why I didn't feel that way. Because my parents were so loving, would have gone to school and like talk to the teachers or the parents of the little shits that were bullying me. But I just had this like internal way of compartmentalizing school struggles and then like being at home and trying to engage in things that I loved and made me happy. And I just like to like separate the two. As you were saying, I was trying to like figure out why that is sometimes why we, my brain said like we almost don't want to taint our happy place or our safe place with the unhappy place. It's like it would almost poison that place. It'd bring that energy into the into that safe place. Yeah. I think that's a good point. Like I really struggled with people being so mean strictly. It was just all about my appearance. Like I was a very awkward kid. I think I had a hard time also coming out and talking about it on Caller Daddy because I feel like the persona that I am putting out into the world is very like blonde bombshell. She's got her life together and people are like, you got bullied. And so that dichotomy I think is like hard for people to understand. But like I still feel like the girl that was bullied in middle school, elementary school. So I think yeah, I think there was like a pride thing of like they can do that to me at school. But when I get home and I'm going to go in the basement and I'm going to make my films, like they can't touch that. Like that's for me. And that's what honestly like saved my life to be honest. Like creating content was like the one thing that kept me going and like happy. And I was able to find my purpose because school was like just so awful for me. When you say saved my life, do you mean that? Yeah, I actually found like a journal. I'm not crying, but my I just will not stop watering or maybe I am. I found a journal of mine. It was so fucking sad to read. I was really going through a hard time in school. I think when you go through bullying, you feel so fucking isolated and unfortunately, or I hope like I actually don't think the kids that were bullying me and most of them were boys. I don't think they knew the impact it was having. Like it was like a casual mean comment at recess, but it was destroying me inside. And so I found a journal that broke my heart because it was basically me saying like, Oh, this is if I was like, if I killed myself, maybe then they would realize like, how fucked up all the comments that they were saying to me. Oh my God, sorry, I didn't expect for this to happen. Um, I just like, I think I realized like, I'm like, fuck, like they would then realize like the impact that their comments had on me. And I really don't think that I like comes saying like, I don't think those kids actually knew like damn, like, and so I think almost the way of thinking about killing myself was like, then they would realize the impact. And so I had a lot of dark thoughts that like I, I'm like, I feel really bad for myself in that moment because I think a lot of times people are like, I wouldn't take a certain things back because like, it made me who I am. I would take that back. I think what, what I felt in those moments, I would absolutely take back because it just like, I don't, I think I could still be where I am and not have gone through that type of pain. Have you had to have a conversation with that, that girl, the younger version of Alex in therapy and stuff to? Yeah, it's been weird because our job is so weird where like, I remember, do we have a tissue? Sorry. No, you're fine. I'm like, whoa, I didn't expect to cry this too and I wasn't even expecting cry. Um, I think why I'm so emotional too is like, I'm kind of like currently working through this in therapy and I think our job is very strange where I remember when I took the show on my own, um, and I was doing like solo episodes and I kept realizing I had like these people pleasing tendencies and I wanted to share it on my show, but I'm like, I have to give context to the daddy gang, my fans, like why I have these tendencies. And so I remember telling my fans in the world that I was bullied before I even told my therapist and I do sometimes think there's like something beautiful about that of like, I knew by me saying that I was going to immediately connect with so many of my fans and like, we were going to be able to have an even deeper connection, but I haven't really worked through all of it. So like, I think sometimes when you bring up things you went through and you're not fully healed or whatever, like I'm still kind of in the middle of processing all of it, but I have started to think about that younger self, but I think it's still so raw of like even unpacking like how it's affected me in adulthood that I'm having a hard time like going through all the layers of it still. Have you seen a sort of imprints that remain on you as an adult? I think about my own experience being, I mean, talked about this a lot on the show so people know, but being the only like black kid in an all white school, being the poorest family in the area and that constant feeling of like ongoing shame. Yeah, I think back and I've realized in my adult life, like, I always would say how I am so comfortable being alone. I love my alone time, but I think that comes from the initial inception was like such pain and hurt and isolation. When I was young, I would go into my room and I would cry, but I would make sure my parents couldn't hear me crying again because like I wanted to be like the cool soccer player, creative girl when I'm home and I didn't want them to know what I was going through. So I would be crying or writing in a journal and I realized like I got so I went through like hating every single thing about myself externally. Like I would look up remedies of like how to get rid of my cystic acne. Like I would literally envision taking like a razor and like taking it off my skin. Like I thought of so many things and I just like was constantly trying to change myself because I was getting bullied for like the way that I looked and I think it's really detrimental when you're at an age where like all you care about is peer approval. All you care about is people liking you. And so I think the part of me that like yes hated myself, I did get really comfortable being alone because those were the moments where I allowed myself to have all of the thoughts like bottling up and not telling anyone that I was going through this. I remember a friend of mine that I've been friends with since like fourth grade, she was like Alex, I can't believe you never told me because I was going through something really similar. She has red hair and freckles and she was like I got so bullied and we were in the same school and we were best friends and we didn't even know we were both going through it. And I can't even imagine how much easier my life would have been if I at least like grabbed onto her and we had each other. But I think bullying is very hard to explain unless you've gone through it where like you're so alone. You hate yourself. You almost like yeah, you hate the bullies but you almost like some you just internalize it. So you hate yourself. You don't even hate them as much as you hate yourself. You want to change yourself. You want to be able to fit in. You want to hide. And so you do certain things where like even my my mannerisms or my posture was so like defeated and awkward. And now I look back and it's like my adult life. I have been working on working through extreme people pleasing tendencies because I just wanted people to like me when I was younger. And so even sometimes I see things on the internet where I'm like oh I was being like too annoying or extra but it's like I feel like I just want people to like me and sometimes that's all I'm thinking about that I can imagine that comes off in a way that's maybe not as likable but it's like I really am just trying to connect. And then I think the the loner thing like I've had so many I had so a lot of issues in romantic relationships where I would be like in love with someone but they would be like what I didn't even know you liked me. And so I think I would avoid getting hurt and rejected because I was rejected in those years of feeling the ultimate rejection of again when you're like all you care about is peer dynamics, friends like who's in whose top five like boys were like repulsed by me. And so I was like I hated myself. I didn't think I was good enough. And so when I would get someone I tried to like have a defense almost against like they can't hurt me because like I'm already setting myself up to know it's going to be over before they can like reject me. You know when I sit here with people and I learned about their early years I think there's always and probably I had this assumption before I started doing this that when we reached a moment of success or whatever when our circumstances change the trauma goes out the door with it. And I've come to learn from doing this that it stays. And I've actually I feel like I've never met a person who has managed to take their early upbringing the early adverse upbringing to zero. I've never met the person. Yeah. I'm guessing you've made progress on these things. Yeah, I have. I think like when I was so young being in school I started to really struggle with my grades because it would be like I'm getting bullied in school and I would run home and I started to compartmentalize so well that creating content to me was like literally what kept me going right. And so I would go into my basement and my dad gave me this like big huge clunky Sony camera. And I was obsessed with creating these characters creating these storylines like I laugh now because I didn't even put it together but I would force all my friends all my soccer friends to participate in like making videos with me. And we remade the devil wears Prada. And you would think immediately of what I'm telling you like who would I play I would play in Hathaway's character. I played Meryl Streep. I was frickin Miranda Priestley. I'm like I'm the farthest thing from that at that point in my life but it was like I loved playing characters that like it like ignited this confidence in me where I could feel for a minute. Like I am this boss like I am this like strong confident woman. And so creating content for me was like this outlet that allowed me to almost like become the thing that internally I always did have this confidence and I knew I had this fun personality in this spark but it was so tainted by the minute I walked out the doors of my house. When I was struggling in school I think I started to realize like I don't want to do math. I don't want to do history. Like I just want to create content and I think it was really hard for me to focus in school because I almost was like so focused on the goal of like let me just keep creating content. And I can't explain it but it was like the driving force for me to just keep going and to keep dealing with a lot of the bullshit that I was struggling with. Therapy. I'm thinking about that alignment you're talking about between being being able to show up as yourself everywhere you go whether it's in school or whether it's on your show or wherever.
How did therapy help you? (20:22)
Also it was quite clear that in school in your early years you weren't able to show up as yourself. What role his therapy played in helping you to become Alex when you're on camera off camera in school in social settings wherever you go. Well at first it wasn't changing my life and my therapist was like how to hard conversation with me. I think it was like two months into us working together and she was like Alex I need to say something to you. I'm like am I in trouble? She's like you can't you pay me like you're not in trouble but I need to be honest with you. I can tell you're not you're not being honest. You put on this facade that everything is good everything is okay and like the point is to come here and be emotional and you can trust me to not tell anyone judge you and I think I had kept this hard exterior for so long that it was really foreign to me to open up and talk about my insecurities and what I'd struggled with because when you're bullied you eventually create this armor that is like completely sealed shut you you wear it and you like know the pain but you eventually have to survive and keep going and so I think in therapy my therapist was like what is why can I not like get in there and I eventually I didn't even say anything in that session I was like I don't know like I'm telling you the truth and then weirdly that was when I ended up opening up on my show about it and then I came back to her and I was like okay here you go and I just spilled everything because I was at least attuned enough to therapy from my mother of like I know in order to actually have changed within myself and for this to work I have to be honest but there was still like I was still embarrassed to tell my therapist because I knew she would look at me differently and I thought she thought I was like this well put together person and I just was like holy shit I've created such a facade that like everything is perfect exteriorly with me that I'm not going to be able to actually undo the damage that was done if I don't actually start talking about it and so that was like a really pivotal moment for me where therapy finally broke down that layer but my therapist had to chip away and now she jokes about it with me all the time it's like do you remember when you would come in and I'd be like so and eventually she was like why are we here? whose decision was it to go to therapy? me. did you go with with a particular focus or just generally? yeah it was a particular focus it was about like the last year or so that I had a co-host I was really struggling and I was like my mom kept being like I need to be your mom I can't be your therapist like you need to talk to someone and that was when I finally so that was about like 25, 24 and I finally was like okay I'm just gonna get a therapist and it was in New York City and I would go in person with her and that it felt very um at first it felt very like why am I here like I don't need this but then eventually it like cracked and it was really helpful but it was not easy I will say I think a lot of people think therapy is like sit down and tell your secrets like it's so awkward at first if you're not even I had a psychologist as a mother and I'm still like I don't want to do this but I think it's all in your head because once you open the floodgates they never close.
Call her daddy co-hosts (24:27)
you were struggling? yeah are you asking me with what? yeah you said you were struggling so you probably from what you said you were going through mother and explaining that there was a struggle that struggle is that is that a social struggle with a friend or is that a psychological struggle or I think in business there was a lot happening where I was living with someone I was doing business with we were struggling with business like there were so many things happening and I was how do I say this I was struggling to take care of myself in an environment that was really unhealthy and was like the show was priority but behind the scenes it was a disaster and so I was like compromising on a lot of things that like morally I didn't agree with or mentally I wasn't feeling good about and it was at a really weird time because call her daddy was like the biggest show ever and everyone was like these girls are the best and they're the best of friends and they're the best and like that's life like you it's almost like how everyone talks about like Instagram we put our best foot forward and it was all crumbling behind the scenes and it was terrifying to me because I worked my whole life to like get to a point like this where I'm producing a show and it just felt very scary to me that I didn't have control of all the aspects going on and the symptoms were psychological for you psychological I was basically in a co-dependent relationship like it was so unhealthy for both of us and I think psychologically yes I even think physically it was taking a toll on me and then it was also taking a toll on my other relationships because like the partner I had at the time was like bearing the weight of me complaining about so much going on in my life because I couldn't go at the person that I had to get up every morning within record right like I couldn't be I had to keep the show going so it was like very detrimental to yes psychologically and my like mental health like the show came first before I think both of our personal needs what was the advice you needed most of that moment but didn't get or maybe just before that moment happened because that's kind of like that's when things start falling yeah but if you'd got advice maybe a couple of years earlier it would have prevented you getting into that situation so what is that advice that and I'm saying this because of there's someone at home now who's you know they want to follow in your footsteps and whatever career or industry it might be but when you get into business and things start going well you're where you just fucking wish that someone had told you fuck I mean maybe that it's okay to leave it's okay to leave a situation for both people involved um it's okay to want to hold on to something because in some aspects it's really working but if you are compromising your morals and your mental health and at one point your sanity like it ain't worth it um but again I think like even if someone had told me that I had to live through it because I worked my whole my whole life for this like I finally got the show and I was producing and I was doing what I loved but I then started to hate it and that to me was when I was like I didn't need anyone to tell me at that point that I should leave it was like oh I've loved this my whole life something's off like if I'm this miserable there's a better way from that you must have learned the factors that need to be in place professionally for you to love work because you you got to experience head on all the factors that make a passion turn into misery so on the flip side what are the factors that you need and you believe people generally need for them to like love their work yeah I think that the first thing is like business is so there's so many different layers it's so so complicated even if it's just you so then add another person in it's almost impossible and I think like it was so difficult my partner and I at the time had such different wants such different you know envisionments for our career in the future and that is so okay but I think the issue is like if you have the ability to sit down before you begin which we didn't really have like I remember I came home one day or she came home from work one day she was the third roommate to me and my best friend from childhood we had met her like it was like a very random like hey we need a third you want to come live with us we'd live together for like a couple months if that and I was like do you want to do this podcast with me I had no idea it was going to be the biggest podcast in the world I had no idea her wants and what truly she was interested in what she was passionate about we were passionate about such different things so it's like I think in business you do have to actually believe that this could become the biggest thing you have to put your mind there and one that's incredible for your self confidence to be like if you're starting a business pretend it's about to be apple in vision and and who you're sitting next to do you want to be there with them or for yourself are you willing to get there and sacrifice certain things in your personal life to get there like whether it's a duo or a singular person like you actually have to envision yourself at the end line and at your goal because you have to mentally start to function that way because then all of a sudden you could get there and then you're like oh fuck I didn't plan for this and I think that's kind of what we both felt we were like we don't even really know each other three episodes in this is the biggest show in the world like we're drinking buddies like what this is not a this is not supposed to be a business and we are way in over our heads and I think that's okay but I look back and I'm like I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into but I do think in business it's like you got to think big because once you get there you better be prepared and I wasn't. Do you know what that's actually the advice that I wish I'd got before I started in business which is imagine the day when someone comes along and offers you a hundred million how are your contracts? How are you? Because when you start you'll be tempted by oh my god up fifty thousand pounds ten five thousand pounds here you go everything I'll sign anything and then and you do that often in your desperation and naivety but then you get five years down the line things are big and you just absolutely fucking wish and dread that you didn't think like this so there's going to be a lot of people listening that are either starting out in the business journeys that really need to get into that difficult mindset the thing is what you said also applies to relationships generally this idea of like making sure from the jump that your visions are aligned oh yeah I also love that you said you know we wish we could have told ourselves but then I'm also in life like no that was supposed to happen because now when I went and signed my Spotify deal you best believe I was like who's around me do I own these trademarks do I own this IP do I own like everything that felt like I had not focused on in the beginning that I was like kicking myself for the second time around I was like damn sure that I had like everything locked in and I still even made like a couple mistakes but like I think that that's also just life of like you're gonna have you can try to be as prepared as you can you're never going to be fully prepared but having some ability to reflect on what you wish you had done differently or better or the same there were some things that I was like I'm sticking exactly that that course I think you just have to think about it and be cognizant of those steps and I think sometimes you rush quickly like that's like our world states like go go go go like take the new job don't take a minute to pause that's where I think you get screwed over within yourself of not recognizing like what's going to be different this time you're miserable over there how's it going to be different so I wouldn't take it back I just think of course there's things I wish I had done differently but then I did them differently for my next deal and I am exponentially happier with the way that I'm handling business who I'm surrounding myself with how I'm hiring you know who touches the product like there's everything now I've formulated and I think a lot of people think like oh Spotify like she's so many people around her I have two or one people one person in my office every day like I've kept it pretty small because that's what I always wanted I want to produce I want to edit I want to direct I want to do as much as I can in a smart way but you just have to know what you want and then when you get away from it then you really know what you want because they're like wait I want to go that way and that's a great thing there's an interesting point here though about being a people pleaser when a people pleaser strikes it big it's hard to like put up those boundaries and start like saying what you want and what you need and having because even the conversation we had a little bit a while ago about aligning and communicating what you want from the jump so that further down the line you don't mess things up and regret it requires a difficult conversation at the start yeah I wasn't even like aware of how much I was people pleasing until it got to that breaking point where I was like there were so many things I was doing to appease people around me to keep the show going that was so unhealthy that now I have in hindsight I'm like what was I doing why was I like getting people out of bed like why was I like managing like drugs and alcohol and like trying to be this like fixer and then it's like just trying to put a show on I think I was like a little over my skis I just said that because I was skiing this weekend so that's the only now I'm like over my head I'm like over my skis um you can get down a really really dark path if you do have a goal in order to get there and that is also advice I give people of like it's not worth losing yourself to get the prize because what what was hard for me is like public perception so I've talked to you about how much I care about people liking me now I'm on a world stage and there's comments and there's people and there was like a public fallout with a woman so there's like someone's gonna be the victim and someone's gonna be the villain and I was the villain and I'm like how did this happen like to me I think publicly I struggled so much for a while of like wanting to tell the full story and wanting to tell the truth and be like I promise like but I'm also then like my character was like I don't think anyone needs to know what happened behind closed doors and how dark it got and but I just know that I was proud of myself that I did I know I'm a good person but when you see the internet picking sides or doing this like it bucks with you and I imagine for her it fucked with her like it was really hard I think for two women to go through something so big in a covid pandemic that people just wanted drama but I think my people pleasing tendencies of like wait why are these people thinking something that I'm not that ate me alive inside and I had to have my boyfriend my mother my father my therapist be like you both know the real story that's it that's all you need to know and so I think it took me a while though where I was like I don't want to clear the air like how many times we're gonna go back and forth like you know what I mean but it can get exhausting trying to make people know your character and who you are especially when I've been talking on the internet for almost now five years like people think people have a perception of me and and that's something I have to live with and be okay with but it's hard I remember someone wrote in them in the diary of a CEO this little book that happened front of
The words you wished were said (37:55)
me guess when they leave they write a question for the next guest someone wrote in this book if today were your last day and you had to have a 60 second conversation with someone in your life what would you say to them and why and I was just wondering as you're saying all of this this was clearly a really tumultuous pivotal moment in your life for better and for worse in many respects are there any words unsaid if today were your last day and I slid you a phone and said you're gonna have a conversation with with that person your former partner would you dial the number would you say anything no because I think in a weird way like when there's time I think both sides and I acknowledge both sides have their own story that then just keeps going on like I'm like what even is the reality anymore we both have such different storylines have everything to happen if I was like forced to I would just say like I hope you're healthy and you're well but I think we're both like in a beautiful way I said this someone recently I was like it's so much better that we're both doing our own things like that's the same thing in like romantic relationships like I think a lot of times you try to keep making something work it shouldn't be that difficult it really shouldn't if it's meant to work it will be working and I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life right now and I'm like this feels great this is what it's supposed to feel like so no I don't think that I would pick up the phone because I think we see things very differently and that's okay that's life like that's the world that's politics that's religion that's friendships ending that's marriage is ending like you're just gonna be like I don't see it like you and that's okay um I think the internet's probably a little bit more invested than even the two of us are but yeah I think that would be just I hope you're healthy Kool-hay daddy you tell me where the boundaries are here but how big is this show you know it's difficult to it's difficult to get an idea of it because it's kind of a black box weird operates and Spotify but what can you tell me about the size of the
Call Her Daddy success (39:55)
show because I want to go into what's made it successful so it can mean yeah headline I would say that it is um the most listened to female podcasts in the world wow um it's and it's exclusive at Spotify so that is wild to me that the numbers even being exclusive and you can only find out on one platform that it's as big as it is um it still doesn't really like register to me because when people say that I'm like podcasting is weird like I don't I don't like I'm not a singer seeing everyone in the audience like I just like talk and then I go and eat a sandwich and play with my dogs and go to sleep like sometimes it doesn't register but the success of this show is wild to me because when we first released our first three episodes with barcel sports it went number two right underneath joe rogan and I think every podcast if it has like a lot of traction like the algorithm works where like if you have immediate engagement of like new followers a lot of people are gonna hit up in the top 10 but then by week three and then week four and then week 10 and then week 20 it was constantly just sitting right under rogan and then I remember like I think it was maybe our 10th week or something it went past rogan and then we were back to second and it was like whoa that wasn't that wasn't the plan like of course the plan is to get big but I just remember um I remember arkhanardini who's the CEO at barcel came in and was like just so you know like girls your episode is like getting the same numbers as our biggest show at barcel uh pmt or yeah and I was like really like that's so cool like I we didn't have like a concept I don't think yet so it went viral so fast and again that goes back to like there was no plan like I knew in my mind like I love doing this but like there was no plan I didn't even want to be a podcaster like I wanted to direct films and and tv shows and so then after that the show only continued to grow and it still doesn't feel real like I think the craziest thing was when I signed my spot if I deal it was very exciting for me that spot if I looked at me and was like we really respect what you did in the past but pitch us what's the future because that's why we're signing you knowing a little bit about sportify and the numbers in the podcasting game I I know you must be getting hundreds of millions of downloads and streams a month it's wild like don't tell me that it's like what it's crazy why the most listened to female podcasts in the world hundreds of millions of downloads every month there's millions of
What made it the no1 female podcast? (42:58)
podcasts out there there's loads of numbers knocking around I read one recently that said there's almost three million podcasts why yours why why you and why yours you must have like slowly over time which is kind of what we've tried to do look back and try to figure it out like what's the subtle and obvious things that have made you be so successful I think truly there is and like I'm obviously not being biased but I don't think that anyone has the relationship they have with their audience the way that I do I think when you start a show talking about sex especially for women and it's so taboo and there's so much shame the amount of trust that that garnered for me and between me and them was unmatched like I still to this day it shocks me that women come up to me in the street and will tell me about sexual abuse that they went through and we've just met in 15 seconds they're like Alex I have to tell you you got me out of this really toxic abusive situation all of a sudden someone's coming to me being like I married someone because of like it's like this relationship that I've built I think is something that I will never be able to like really articulate but I know it's also coming from a place because I need them just as much they need me I think sometimes in the creator world like it gets a little disconnected because we also are trying to run businesses right and you can't always do everything for your fans like I can say I have been in huge meetings with a lot of executive people telling me what to do and I'm like I don't want to do that because the daddy gang won't connect to that and there's a lot of money on the table or there's brand deals or there's all these things and I have really been intentional about like I care more about the content than what public facing accolades we're going to get and I think because I focus so much on my relationship with my audience it's then just garnered like oh this shit just keeps getting bigger and it is a huge show but like I can't explain it like if I brought a daddy gang girl in here she would be like let me tell you our connection like it really does feel like so crazy how connected we are so I think that is one side of it I do everything for my audience I sacrifice my personal relationships I have skipped out on huge family things to like make sure I'm like no I need to give the daddy gang something amazing this week I've never put out an episode of color daddy that I'm not proud of every week I'm busting my ass to provide for them and it's do you delete episodes no you've never deleted one episode no never record an episode and thought oh I've deleted them like not published them but like if I've published it I've never deleted it oh yeah so you've like had a conversation with someone I've actually only had a conversation with one person that I've never released just because they didn't want to be there I think their publicists fucked them over they didn't know what they were coming in for and I respectfully was like this ain't it but oh I've recorded like so many solo episodes that I've never pressed upload on that eventually maybe I'll like put together and be like these were my thoughts back then but no I've never I've never deleted an episode that I've published but oh my god are you kidding my my catalog of things I haven't pressed upload on it's like a whole another hundred episodes but I and then I think the other side of why it has been successful is like it just goes back to without sounding like a egomaniac like I am obsessed with this it I can't explain it like every single week I'm like completely fixated on how I'm gonna innovate make it better make it special so I think naturally like there are people that got into this industry that actually didn't really intend for it and there's like producers handing them scripts and being like sit down and talk like I'm so obsessed and passionate about this that I do think that translates in how innovative the show has been and just like the growth because I love it and I love producing content so it's been really easy for me in that regard like I've never had a doubt my mind that this is what I'm supposed to be doing you touched a little bit there on the cost though that people don't see the sacrifice mmm families relationships all these other things part of the reason I started the show actually was to shed a shed more of a
What's the hidden cost? (47:59)
light on the cost of like being a CEO because it's very glamorized everyone wants to do it but then I think providing balance allows people to understand if it's actually the right choice for them away from the accolades and the followers and the clapping like is this really the right choice for you so in your experience what has been the material cost of your your journey I think something I've been really struggling with is first of all with regard to business I'm such a creative at heart that business wise I'm really trying to work on recognizing like this has gotten so big I need to be in these meetings I need to be like I need to be interacting with people on the business end of things and like my boyfriend always jokes he's like you're 99.9% creative all times like you need to dial it at least 10% to business Alex and I'm like I don't need to answer the email I'm just gonna sit in the edit room and make the episode so I think I've really it's been a little bit of a challenge like hiring people personalities coming in figuring out how to balance being the talent the executive producer and the CEO and the owner of a company is like phew like it's it's a little it almost like contradicts itself like things that I should be doing as the talent the CEO shouldn't be doing like the conversations I'm having as the talent I shouldn't be having but I'm the CEO so I'm like I have to fire you and then it's like well are you gonna go tweet about me you know it's like so strange where most companies like this that person wouldn't be a public facing person so like and then my people pleasing tendencies I've kept employees longer because I'm like I can't fire this person even though they're not doing their job because like I don't want them to go online and say I'm a bitch and then my therapist is like Alex sweetie if you're paying someone they're not doing their job you have to fire them but I'm like so it's like I've struggled a lot with like who I'm having around me then on the personal side of things I don't want to say the word exploiting but I'm just gonna say it then I'm gonna take your right back but like exploiting my life for four years there is a cost of like I don't expect a lot of people to relate to it it's really weird that I've talked about my sex life and my breakups and my heartbreak and friend breakups and family issues and trauma and all the things you can possibly imagine like that's not normal to be that open about it on the internet so naturally I think there's like a what's next like always trying to one up yourself and that can be really detrimental and I think when I look back at the early days of color daddy like I'm embarrassed by some of the things that I said not that I'm embarrassed by the product I think it was great but there's some things that I was like why did I say that on the internet like that was me or that was but it was all like I don't think people understand like we were being rewarded by how much crazier it was every week it was like if you get crazier the views go up the clicks keep coming so it was like this really diabolical feeling in your head where it's like morally I don't know if I should be saying this but it just keeps bigger getting bigger the more that we keep saying wild shit and I think in the beginning we had a handle on it and then when we hit like episodes 50 60 it was like throwing shit at the wall because people just wanted to see us like dance it was like do something crazy again this week and that's why I have some empathy for creators that have taken it too far where you see that line is like they push it they push it everyone loves right when you're teetering the line they're like oh yeah oh yeah the minute you cross the line even though they've been encouraging you to go farther farther and you fall off what's wrong with you what you're disgusting like that's awful you're a bad person so it's like it's a very very fucked up industry to be a part of because like you're rewarded for the chaos but if it's too chaos then you're out um has it ever crossed your mind being someone who publishes a lot of content and does it frequently at a certain cadence you have a community that are expecting it from you that you probably can't stop to some degree or the pressure that exists to keep you going keep publishing keep going keep going keep going means that there is in some respects you could say a bit of a lack of freedom like you couldn't take six months off right i can't even take two weeks off i yeah that has crossed my mind there's there's some days where like the the unforgivingness of this industry gets a little it freaks me out a little bit because i've found myself like i just said being like we why did i do that because i'm so deep in it and i'm so content focused that i'm pulling myself out i'm like the Alex with her family and her partner and her her real life like that's not who i am i think um i actually think that's why i kind of pivoted my show for a minute to interviews i needed like a break because i was like first of all we don't need to keep hearing me talking like let's give me a break like you're all sick of me um i wanted to just start to talk to other people for a second because doing these solo episodes every single week i needed something new and unique to say and that can cause you to lose your fucking mind like i don't think people understand like an hour of content i was talking to my boyfriend about this he's like i make hour and a half movies that we work on for nine months like every week you have an hour to fill and if it's just you talking it's it's like almost insane like you're gonna start doing things you're gonna start putting yourself in situations to get content to talk about things and i started to be like this is unhealthy there's other ways to entertain people and other ways to feel creatively stimulated and that's when i just started to talk to other people and and then interviewing i think gave me like a real sense of fulfillment because it goes back to my childhood like i love connecting with people i love what we're doing right now this is like my jam this is like i could let's go for five hours every time i do a podcast people like that was the longest podcast forever done like i can't stop talking because i love connecting with people i love discussing topics um and right now that's what i'm doing on my show and again like i said who knows maybe it will change in a year but yeah it's oh it's a weird feeling to be like where is the end mark i don't think there is an end mark for me because maybe it will look different but i aside from all of like the drama of what we're talking about it goes back to me being like i love this shit and so are there boundaries i can set with myself in order to make it healthier just like any person with any job like you can get wrapped up in that and it's not healthy
Spotify $60M Deal (55:55)
a lot has been written about the financial deal you did with Spotify a lot of people talk about that what what impact did that have if any on your life there's this 60 million dollar numbers flown around everywhere you don't have to confirm or deny but um did did that change things any material way it was the craziest truly the craziest feeling that i i still can't really articulate of like i never started this for money i'm really fortunate how much my parents were like keep it real keep it normal like what is all of this if you're about to be like this like like none of this matters it could all be gone tomorrow and so i've been fortunate to be raised by people that like i just it hasn't really affected me i feel like the same person that i was in pennsylvania definitely a little bit more progressed in like how i feel about myself and and i feel smarter and you know more holes human being but like that number to all it did to me was solidify that the brand that i built deserves to be where it is and i haven't really let it get to my head i'll let you know if it does but like for right now i feel like everyone keeps asking me like how did it change your life it for the rest of my life will change my life and my kids lives and like i get that but in the immediate i'm still working the way i always work i hunch over at my computer i i have the same keyboards like people like how do you not have like the keyboard with all like there's certain like tech things that i could be doing i don't give a shit i want to do exactly what i've always been doing and keeping it real and tight to myself and like a little janky like i feel like it like makes me feel like i'm still myself and it hasn't expanded in a way that maybe people think it has and so i'm i'm proud of myself that i've kind of stayed really grounded in who i am and why i started this and i'm going to continue to always be cognizant of like why i started this who i am and none of this shit actually matters like who gives a shit about a purse like you could lose it like i want to have real relationships i want to be close with my family i want to be respectful of people i'm around i want people to like me i want to make people happy i want them to make me happy i want to have fulfilling dynamics in my life that is like the richest thing i think about me right now is like i've worked a lot of my relationships and i am finally i can say at a point where like i'm happy in my life and that to me like there's no number you can put on that i don't give a shit if they took that away from me tomorrow well spot if i don't obviously but well you know i mean i'm like it's it's amazing but i still feel like the same person back in pennsylvania is there this is a conversation i've had previously with one of the very successful women on my podcast you built an exceptional business is there a unique dynamic when a woman becomes incredibly successful as you have in terms of her relationships with a man some of my girlfriends have often said to me that they think men can often feel emasculated a little
Did men feel emasculated with your success? (58:41)
bit when their partner is incredibly successful yeah i remember the when i started call her daddy um i was having a really hard time with dating just because as the show got bigger yeah men were so insecure um but also that may have been because i was the next morning talking about them on the show being like this is what his whatever looks like okay but no i i really um struggled to find genuine relationships of like again i still feel like the like awkward girl that like still at times looks in the mirror and i'm like hyper fixating on certain things about myself like i'm still insecure so like yes i'm the call her daddy girl but i'm also Alex from new town pennsylvania that was bullied and awkward and insecure and like hated everything about ourselves so like i always wanted them to know that version of me that's worked on myself to have self-love to respect myself like that version is who i want them to love but you also have to love my job and respect it and and appreciate that this is my passion my partner now i remember meeting him and i was like oh he's the one because he's so successful in his own right and the amount of times that he's been like you could stop all this tomorrow i would love you but you are so talented it's like the hottest thing about you like when you start talking about your job i like melt for you because you're so engaged and passionate and excited and i love how passionate you are it makes me so happy to be your partner that i can watch you live out your dreams and i was like okay you passed the test like but but it's hard like i think if you're in a relationship it's not to say that you're there's going to be moments where your partner's down you're up financially where they're at in their career their status like if you just got a promotion your partner just got fired like that's going to happen but overall respect was a huge thing for me where this means more to me than anything and i need someone that can respect that like i'm going to choose a lot of times my career in moments and i need you right now to ride with me on this wave of like maybe in ten years it's not going to be the same and my partner like was the this is the first partner i've ever had that is my biggest cheerleader is you know we're potentially going to do some stuff work-wise together and he's like you be the face of it you do like i don't like this is you like this is like all you and it's so refreshing to have someone have such an intact ego that when we're going to bed at night it's like how was your day how was your day all the successes all the issues failures ups and downs we're like we'll get through it together and that is i'm like it's allowed me to probably be ten times better at my job because i have a secure partner i have a really great relationship and now when i'm showing up to work i'm feeling even more supported than just being supported by myself and my immediate family if your partner wasn't successful in his own right do you think it would work i think you have to define success because i actually had this conversation with him the other day it's not about money it's about i couldn't be with someone that wasn't passionate about something that didn't have their own sense of identity their own sense of drive and want that doesn't work for me because i'm a very passionate person where like i i've been on dates with guys where i'm like i get it like you did you're you don't feel i'm i'm like electric when i talk about my job and i think that's okay i think you i need someone that's equally has something in their life that they feel so driven and pulled by that it allows two individuals to come and make a great couple but we got our own things and so i don't give a shit if he's not making money if it's every single day he's waking up working for a nonprofit and he's like i'm gonna change the world go off absolutely love that it's success to me is more that like you're successful in working towards something that you're so passionate about and that it does consume you at times because i'm more alcoholic and like i can't have someone that's like i just want to chill like and there's something wrong with that i'm just a really aggressive motherfucker and i'm like i need to be working and i want to be fulfilled and i am fulfilled by my job so it doesn't have to be your job but you have to be successful in life of what you're aiming towards achieving you have to have some type of achievement some type of passion some type of purpose or else we're not gonna have too much to talk about because i can't shut up so like yeah yeah even if it's like you're a teacher you're a teacher and you love what you're doing you're changing these kids lives you're showing up ever amazing it's just you have to you have to have something because i've clearly got something and it's my baby and it's called her daddy you've clearly got something that's for
What pain do you enjoy having? (01:04:35)
sure i told you a second ago that guests when they leave here they write a question in the diary what we did because the conversations we have here tend to lean more towards the vulnerable side of of people is we turn them into these little cards so you can play at home and no one's ever seen the question who's written the question they don't know who's written them and they don't know what the questions are but this box has a couple of questions and i've taken about 60 of them out but i've picked a couple for you okay so i'm going to slide it across the table all right sieve in here we go and i would like you to pick a question out of the the conversation cards okay i might ask you to pick more than one so let's see how we get on okay whichever one calls you oh my god i have two okay what pain do you enjoy having what um oh my god we don't want to be demonetized on youtube so just oh i'm gonna oh right youtube oh i curse to me no no i know it's fine the casting's fine the casting's fine i mean i'm i'm concerned about what you're like the gala daddy girl's gonna tell me okay she's experienced no no no i'm gonna get deeper than that nope untended um oh my god youtube what pain do you enjoy having i think i've enjoyed the pain of experiencing true love i thought i was in love in the past i was in certain variations of whatever i could be capable of giving for love and receiving for love but recently i've really experienced the painful moments of loving someone going through grief loss death with them going through moments of disconnect moments of not knowing if it was gonna work out like i've felt such pain in moments but also such happiness and joy that completely overrides the pain but i don't think i've ever experienced it the way that i have with this partner in the beginning that it was painful to get to where we are now now i don't experience that pain with my partner but like it was don't curse um it was a motherfucker in the beginning to try to align is this gonna work because we both knew it was there but we were at a little bit of different points in our lives and i think that yeah i enjoy the pain of of love and like real like once in a lifetime it feels like love daddy gangster be like you sappy bitch what we've lost you i'm still here it's okay i'm gonna ask you to pick another card one more absolutely i told you i would be here for five hours let me say it like i i will just keep talking i'm gonna fly back to london today so we got you out of flight you got flight um oh do you think your younger self
Do you think your younger self would be proud? (01:07:45)
would be proud look up to you now yeah yeah i do which is so crazy if anything i wish i could have shown my younger self in those really really dark moments like bitch you got this like look what you're about to do like just wait hang in there i think i would be so proud of myself because i've stayed honest with myself i've stayed loyal to what i've wanted and i've i've gone for it i've taken a lot of risks and i've put myself out there which was not something i'd like to do when i was younger so i think my younger self would be like damn we did it that phone that i proverbial please slid you earlier on i said to call your your ex-business partner if you had 30 seconds if i slid you that phone now and i said you can have a conversation with eight ten twelve-year-old Alex Cooper and you can say anything to her and you've got 60 seconds to say it to her slide you the phone you call her what you say i know right now it feels like there's no getting out of the pain i know you feel so alone you feel unseen you feel unloved you feel unworthy but i promise you every single thing you're going through right now is going to build you into the person that you're going to be so proud to be in the future and it's worth it hang in there ask for help you don't have to do everything alone and i love you in the daravicio we have hundreds of questions that have been left by our guests and we've put them on these cards and on these cards you have the question that's been left in the daravicio the name of the person who wrote the question and if you turn it over there's a QR code if you scan that code you can see which guest answered the question and watched the video of them answering it every time i've done this podcast and every time we've asked the kind of questions we ask here i feel a tremendous sense of affinity to the guest and our aim with these cards is that you can create that sense of connection through vulnerability at home with the people you love the most and i have some good news for you as of today you can add your name to the waiting list to be the first in line to get your own set of conversation cards at the conversation cards dot com what's next for you?
Future Plans And Concluding Remarks
What's next for you? (01:10:19)
a lot that is very exciting um you're launching a business aren't you? i can tell and it's is it a product is it cosmet what is it i think that tell me kindly jenna tell me you're gonna be on Forbes i think it's gonna make a lot of sense um it's it's staying in my space it's i'm never gonna be like i'm coming out with a water like it's like i'm never gonna do something people like oh god she sold out it's within the next month i'll be launching something that is just going to completely elevate and expand the call her daddy brand um everything that i'm passionate about that i've talked about today it's just expanding and it's gonna allow call her daddy to live in so many new places and you're gonna be able to experience call her daddy and that brand and other things that i'm passionate about you're going to be able to consume it and there's just gonna be a lot more that you're gonna be able to watch and see you've achieved so much you know it's funny because when i was you know thinking about this new venture that you're gonna be launching um something you said earlier was really thought provoking to me you talked about how you've kind of just got to ask the world and executives and people that you're meeting for what you want even if you don't really know it what you want that like idea of like demanding from people what you want i think you said this when you spoke to j as well on his show um and it rang rang a bell in my head somewhere because i'd heard someone a young member of my team say that they in some respects felt like they're kind of faking it but they needed to fake it to get the value that they deserve and i reflect on that i think in the conversation with j you were talking about how women struggle with this more than men in business because because of that sort of reluctance to or whatever how important do you think it is for people listening now that look up to you for them to fake it before they make it or to you know like demand from the world what they want even if they don't feel like they deserve it i think it's everything because i don't want you to be disingenuous with yourself but i also want you to realize like confidence is a word that feels so like oh just be confident it is so hard to be confident you can be confident in certain aspects of your life and very unconfident in others you can be confident in your friendships but when you walk into work you're so unconfident or the complete opposite i would say with business i've learned like if you know what you want that is something you should be able to locate what do you want what do you or what do you at least think you want what makes you happy what's what is a goal you can at least put on the map because if not then like take a little minute for yourself like come up with something then when you're walking into these rooms you can allow that to kind of be your compass i know there's so many things for call her daddy that i've wanted to do for so long and i know that my audience knows like i have kept call her daddy in this bubble and it's almost like about to burst like i've just stayed with the podcast i have my merch but like i don't do much i don't really do anything other than it so i think when i think about expanding in my mind it needs to be so perfect but also i'm like but there's so many opportunities what do i want to do you don't actually need to know exactly like the into the weeds of it start having conversations leading with that compass of this is what i know i want and ask people for help talk to people like i've been having so many meetings that i'm like i hate meetings just let me go create but i've been having so many meetings about what i'm about to be launching and there's been people that are able to ask me questions that i wouldn't have been able to think about had i been at home thinking so it's like having a compass of what you know you are driving towards and then opening it up for discussion around people that have complete different ideas and mindsets and you will be able to find help but sometimes i think we think we have to do it all on our own in business like don't let anyone know what you're up to it's not there no one can actually take that away from you because whatever you're gonna do is gonna be unique to you but i do think i had a hard time asking for help and now finally i'm having meetings with people that are so brilliant and they're allowing me to think past what my brain was only able to see and now it's opened up a world so anyone in business don't be afraid to even have like a hey can i pick your mind for like a little bit like let's go to a coffee i just have like some questions i want to ask you all of a sudden you're gonna leave there and you're gonna either know more about what you want to do or it could have completely spun you in a different direction either way you're going to take something positive from it but i think a lot of times in business especially as women it's like be hash hash like don't let anyone know what you're doing like i think that's i think it's yes of course keep too close to the chest of like an ip that you're working on that like someone can't steal and you haven't trademarked or something but like open yourself up to other people helping you you don't have to do it all on your own directionally then you're talking about the compass there directionally what does Alex Cooper want i think i really am looking forward to doing what i always wanted to do producing and directing i didn't intend to be an on-host talent let me be so clear i remember in college my professors were like you should be like a sports announcer and i was like no and like nothing against sports announcers i just knew in my bones i was like i don't want to do that i don't want it like i always wanted to be behind the camera then it just so happened that i'm in front of it and like i'm like oh i do like it but produced i'm like producing myself as i'm talking right now like i'm naturally more of a producer than just like a talent so i think what i want to be able to do is to explore past just the immediate producing of a podcast what else can i produce oh mmm sounds like a media company of something or a stereo the Alex Cooper that was a long sip chugging all thing and keep drinking what's your next question my next question comes from the book let's see what has been left for you the guests never know who
Last guest’s question (01:16:45)
they're leaving it for what is one thing in your life that is currently hindering your happiness and what will you do to rectify it this is really weird but i actually was i had something that was hindering my life a little bit in my happiness and i spent the whole past weekend just trying to figure out like how do i can i say this there was something that i was not someone in my life that was really bringing negativity to my life and i've worked on boundaries with my therapist and then my therapist classic line is like you've loved set a boundary and you hate to maintain it and i'm like she's like you're so good at being like boundary and then a week later i'm like how's the boundary and you're like it's gone i'm like oh god so i finally for the first time just kind of ended a relationship with um a friend it was really just like negative and toxic and it just was like why is i felt that like weight that you're like oh my god i'm waking up and thinking about this like this is so negative in my life and i i was able to kind of put an end gracefully to a situation that clearly wasn't making either of us happy and i was so proud of myself because oh trust me i was like replaying the conversation like practicing in front of my boyfriend like how do i say this like confrontation to me i'd rather flip backwards and go into a different stratosphere than have confrontation but i was proud of myself because i was feeling really really icky about the situation and i i had a conversation that was kind of beautiful and ended a really toxic situation cheers not easy not easy difficult conversations you know people ask me this question all the time because i'm a podcast are they always say and i'm sure you get asked this so often that you're fucking sick of it and you have a pre written answer but i but i'm just personally interested what what to you now makes for a perfect interview on your show like what are the core components of just a really great cool her daddy interview what are you looking for from the guest i'm looking for them first and foremost to show up with an open mind um i told you before this i was like someone i just recorded with was like everyone in the morning before i came in filmed with you was like do you want a cocktail do you need a drink and the woman was like why do i need a cocktail like you're freaking me out like i think call her daddy has now set a standard of like we're gonna go there we're gonna have really open on his conversations so i think i want people to come open-minded of i'm not trying to exploit you exploit your life i'm actually in long form trying to get to know you as a whole human being and that's why i really respect your show and you're so good at what you do because you're just listening and you're trying to pivot with them to understand who they are and what makes them them so i think coming in open-minded is the first bit because i think there's a lot on line for call her daddy that people are like here we go like this is about to get wild i think the second thing is someone that is willing to express things that maybe they're not even comfortable saying or they haven't even fully thought out because i feel like the show does a great job of holding someone in a space of like we'll work through it like say it and then let's like backtrack and and i'm never gonna let someone say something that's wild and then they're like i didn't give context like we'll get the context so i think someone that's willing to just speak very frankly and openly i think sometimes especially celebrities have been burned so many times in media that they are really closed off and i actually think it does a disservice to them because then they come off more rigid or more unlikable or you know less authentic and so i think my goal is always to have someone basically trust me which is wild i they are meeting me usually for the first time ever when they sit down with me and i think that i've been able somehow to gain this rapport with people in the first like two minutes before we actually start where i think they feel like she's definitely not what i thought i think when you meet me in person it's very different than what you see online i think people immediately soften and are like oh wait like this feels different than what i expected and then i just ask that they trust me that i'm i'm really here to have a really exciting and interesting conversation and i'm not trying to ruin your life and we let's see where it goes but most of the time when people then come in our vulnerable and open and are willing to go there that's what makes the best episode we're all going through most of the same shit themes wise different levels but the human emotion is the human emotion i don't care if you're sitting in one country or the other or it's all going to be different but it is all relatively similar that we can at least be like i can kind of connect to that i can kind of connect that that's always the goal it's like just speak and i'll do the job to wrap it in a bow to make sure that everyone feels somehow connected to this person where's your line in terms of early run you said it took you a while to share with your audience that you had been bullied when you were younger do you still have things now or you go i'm not quite ready to share that yeah or i'm thinking about sharing this part of my life with with my audience yeah i mean i've been like really open i do think there's a couple things that i am only just keeping more close to the chest because i want to formulate them with a little bit more insight than just an immediate throw it up like i think that the podcasting is amazing because i can sit for an hour and talk so i think it's a way more stimulating to hear someone speak from in the first day that it happened to me i was dealing with this a month later i i felt like this so i i think there's a couple things in my life that i'm just trying to experience a little bit more before i speak on it anything off limits no i am like i feel like i've said everything on the internet that now as i progress anytime i'm like should i say that i'm like i really i don't know why but i'm very unafraid to just like you could ask me anything and i'm like i'll answer your question like there's never i don't have publicist with me like i don't i don't really care that sounds like a challenge i gotta go time to go yeah i i think um okay so the
Unique Personal Revelation
Tell me something you’ve never shared before (01:24:15)
the question i'm gonna ask you then seeing as you challenge me and this is my last question to you is it's actually one of those cards in there it says i reflected on it when i was picking the cards that i wanted you to to have it was um your arms across why did i say that um it's like me the slide me the card i'll show you which card it was was all in here i thought all that said that's an interesting one that's a doozy yeah this one's a real stitch up let me find the one it was uh it's this one oh i'll put it back in there and i'll wrap it up just so you can uncover it there you go it'll be the first one there's only one in there oh oh no tell me something you have never told anyone before oh i'm gonna have to sit here for an hour and think about this i as you know i can never shut up so i'm pretty open something i've never told anyone oh my god i don't know if this is going to be anti-climactic but i would say that i don't think i ever express how as as great as everything i've been talking about is like that my career scares me at times like i don't think i've ever said that out loud to anyone because i think i come off with like a lot of confidence and i'm i love what i do but like it it's scary in moments um how do i explain this and like take this out of my brain like we're we live one life we're here and i'm kind of like this is what i chose to do and i'm 28 right now it's a little scary to think of how publicly i've decided to live my life and i try not to think about how scary it is at times like because i don't think it's a very relatable thing to say like when i'm producing my show i'm always like that doesn't sound relatable like talking about like your comment section like it's really fucking scary how much every week i just keep putting myself out there and i it's almost like there's no time to stop and like wonder like am i is this what i should be doing or would i be happier doing something else like because i am really happy but it's like this public world isn't exactly what i wanted in terms of like producing content you can do while not being a public facing person um so i think i i get it freaks me out sometimes and then i just try to not think about it because i don't think just like anyone if you're if you're going through something like i can't really explain the feelings maybe unless you're in this situation which i know is like oh boo who you chose this but like it's really fucking weird having millions of people watching you listening to you taking your advice like living out what you're telling them to do like sometimes i'm like fuck like am i doing it right like am i i think social media like it's a little it's just a little weird because i don't think it's natural so i just struggle sometimes with that this is really fucking scary like we're sitting here right now but it still doesn't register me that so many people are going to listen to this like i'm half blocking out in this interview but i'm like oh shit and then like these are like my high thoughts always but i'm like the perception that people have of me on the internet i'm like i kind of feel like that is who i am but like is that who i am like you have to perform when you're in front of this microphone like i'm not talking all day contrary to what i've said i never shut the fuck up but like it just is a little unnatural and so it's scary to reflect sometimes and be like have i taken this too far like what am i doing and then the other side of me is like go like you're living your dream like get after it but i'm like but like would it be better if all these people weren't watching and i picked something a little bit more behind the scenes i don't know i'm i have to figure that out but it's it's scary as hell it's hard to undo right because it's also intoxicating and it's dictating and it's unrelenting every single week what's the new episode what's new episode you put out one that people don't like to guess that was shit what's your next one you're like oh my god oh my god and it's like not a normal job to have to be like please please please give give give give oh my god be better be better get the next one like make it make sure it has this many views get like you're literally like what like in bed at night i'm like what is the next thing and so it's a little it's like thrilling and exciting as hell as a creator but also as a human being it's scary how are you truly feeling right now in this moment or in life in life um i'm really happy i really am like probably the happiest i've ever been and i think that's probably why i'm able to be just so like all over the place open right now because i love to though think about what's next what am i doing um but i feel very happy and if you would ask me that like eight months ago i'd be like no so i'm happy i'm just constantly in my head thinking like i can't stop it's like 2 a.m and i'm like picking up my phone writing notes like um so i sometimes i'm like please stop my brain never is like silent so i think that's where when i start having conversations like this now i'm gonna be home like huh whoa like this has given me a lot to think about but um no i am really happy i just this job is very fucking weird so i'm trying to figure it out i'm 28 i've been doing this for only four years publicly which it seems like it's been a lifetime literally it feels like it's been i feel like i've been doing this my whole life and then to think of how big the show is and how many millions of people are watching me every day and i'm like i've been doing this for four years that is actually a really short amount of time but it feels so much longer than it actually is so whoo yeah well this is why this is why you're brilliant isn't it that obsession and with that obsession comes the cost of the two a.m. note section in the iphone that's the cost of the brilliance right and there's always a cost to our brilliance but thank you so much for the inspiration you've been an inspiration for me on this show when i'm trying to figure out which way to go and try to take cues on like why you know you've managed to build such an intense immense connection with your audience and um yeah i'm so excited to see this production company launch that Alex Cooper studios and your movies and all of these things you're going to do in the future because they're going if they if they have the same principles as your current show they're they're going to be equally as awesome and i'd love to invest in that if you ever looking for an investor oh yes no thank you so much even like you are so talented at what you do and i don't think i've ever had a conversation with cameras around this honest and i really appreciate whenever people are getting vulnerable and talking about their feelings it does take a very specific type of human being for someone to open up and i felt immediately comfortable with you and you're so talented so thank you for having me on because this was a pleasure but now also i'm going to be not stopping thinking about all the things i just said for the rest of the weekend i'm like shit no thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much Alex thank you quick one as you guys we're lucky enough to have blee jeans as a sponsor and supporter of this podcast for anyone that doesn't know blee jeans is an online video conferencing tool that allows you to have slick fast good quality online meetings without any of those glitches that you'd normally find with other meeting online providers you know the ones i'm talking about and they have a new feature called bleu jeans basic which i wanted to tell you about bleu jeans basic is essentially a free version of their top quality video conferencing and that means that you get immersive video experiences you get that super high quality super easy and zero fuss experience and apart from zero time limits on meetings and calls it also comes with high fidelity audio and video including Dolby voice they also have expertise grade security so you can collaborate with confidence it's so smooth that it's quite literally changed the game for myself and my team without compromising quality at all so if you'd like to check them out search bleu jeans dot com and let me know how you get on DM me tweet me whatever works for you let me know how you find it i've now been a cool drinker for about four years roughly so much so that i ended up investing in the company um and i play a role on the board of the company but they also very kindly sponsor this podcast and to be honest i've never said this before but he will believe in this podcast before anybody else the CEO julian um told me before we even launched the podcast how successful it would be and that heel would back it and i absolutely have a huge amount of gratitude for them for that support but an even greater sense of gratitude for the fact that they've helped me stay nutritionally complete throughout the chaos and hecticness of my tremendously busy business schedule so if you haven't tried out here which i hope most of you have at least given it a go by now try it out it's an unbelievable way to try and stay nutritionally on course if you have a hectic busy schedule and let me know what you think send me a tweet in a DM tag me let me know what you think