Gary Vee’s Emotional Confession About His Success & Family! | E207 | Transcription
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There's certain things that I'm not ready to talk about. Why I just feel like She made me happy Gary Vaynerchuk Gary Vaynerchuk one of the world's leading marketing experts Entrepreneur in Betha and New York Times best-selling author and is one of the loudest voices on the internet I've exhausted the conversation of grinding learning how to be an entrepreneur in the streets of New Jersey There was a kid who wrote a medium piece about me being the face of hustle I was on a plane I landed and there's just all this chaos and there was a lot of things that weren't true There were some things that really like triggered. I didn't inherit my dad's liquor store I built my dad's store for him. I knew at 17 that I was a fucking guy What's your dog side? The only place I feel like I'm dark is when I'm competing We did rock-paper-scissors tournament with our leadership team. I Quickly thought after I lost in the first five seconds should I fire it? I was incapable Dealing with the music. What is it that makes me want to be like this and to be very frank. You don't have to give me the details I'll tell you It's Five years ago when we had a conversation. I asked you what your biggest fear was got these photos here In Russia How does that make you feel? It's very clear to me It's been there for a long time in my head Quick one at the start these episodes I told you that 74% of people who watch this channel frequently Haven't yet hit the subscribe button and I told you that the bigger the channel gets the better the guests get and hopefully I've delivered upon that for you So there's two things I wanted to tell you the first is if you've ever enjoyed this channel Could you do me a favor and my team hear a favor which is hit that subscribe button because it helps this channel more than you know And as I say the bigger the channel the better the guest but also We're approaching 1 million subscribers and when we hit 1 million subscribers We've been working for many months to do something very big in which we're all invited to I'll reveal that when we hit a million subscribers Enjoy this episode We With age my perspective in my recollection of my childhood and my understanding of what was most significant Defining and important has evolved you've just celebrated your 47th birthday. Yes More energy than ever shall I say but um, what have you as you relate recollect on your your childhood from from that vantage point now?
Personal Development And Self Discovery
The best insights from your early years (02:01)
What are the new insights that you've attained about yourself? Probably the most recent one is like this incredible need to be a superhero You know, I I really took the being the oldest brother to heart You know, it's funny My sister and I have a joke that a lot of people don't know that she exists because obviously me and AJ were in business together and I talk a lot about the Jets and that has AJ But my relationship with my sister who's three and a half years younger than me maybe one of the most profound relationships I have she Undoubtedly was the first person besides my mother that kind of cheered for me You know, she looked up to me My mother is incredibly close to her brother and so she Spent a lot of time building that relationship. We're incredibly close I feel much more kinship to her when I think about my childhood than AJ because I was 11 years older We didn't have the same childhood. We also moved when he was three So all my childhood memories have hurt in it and I think as I've gotten you know, you know last two three years I'm like oh I have this like need to Be admired need, you know, everything that works for me is when I feel like I'm doing it for someone besides myself I'm doing it to make my parents proud. I'm doing it to show my sister the right way I'm doing it for my employees even the way I got into better health and fitness was I hired a babysitter But really what I hired was someone to do it for Mike and Jordan is who I want to make proud today My scale being 175 versus 178 which it was two days earlier and Mike texting me great job on the travel day I did it for him and So as I'm getting older and so much of the Gary Venus I'm realizing is I'm happy when I'm doing things that make other people happy or even at a higher level creating a framework or a blueprint That they can interpret into themselves the thing I you know as I got older with my sister a lot of the things I talked about was This is my DNA yours DNA is different, but like I just I want you to be happy It's gonna be different for you know those kind of things and so You know, you know when I do things like this I always go with the first thing that came to my mind I think what's obvious to me is I've exhausted the conversation of grinding and having to do it for myself and learning how to be an entrepreneur in the streets of New Jersey and And recently in the last couple years I've talked more about candor when I wrote 12 and a half I'm like this is my trip tonight I'm great at candor in this format put me on stage put me in a podcast give me 30 people listening to me I'm candor king managing Dustin one-on-one. I just love them too much like like even you know even this interview like I went from a company offsite and like I got emotional this morning speaking to 35 global leaders and that was the first time I got a I got emotional the way I usually talk about my parents If I'm at a gala or something in that nature and it hit me like my observation was oh These people are becoming my family. I talk about Brandon Warneke my best friend and I tear up I talk about my parents and my my siblings and I tear up This was the first time I kind of tiered up for real for real deep deep deep deep deep in a setting when I was talking About those 35 leaders and it was a nice feeling. I'm like oh, this is becoming family And so you know I think I think that Candor has been a weakness on a one-to-one basis when it's emotional that I've started talking about the newest thing of this moment When you ask me is what is it that makes me want to be like this and to be very frank? It's quite enjoyable And it makes me happy and even when I don't deliver I'm happy at the attempt of And so I think I'll probably spend the next half decade trying to finish this thought and probably produce content around it because I think I always think about is if I'm this happy if I lack the anxiety that I see a 99.9% of people I have a sense of responsibility to over communicate in case a Sentence on a podcast trigger something for someone and starts their journey to be happier I don't know something more noble a human can do than be on a quest to leave collateral You know droppings along the way that may help and will help others So many directions. I want to take that in I'm gonna go with them the first comment you made and then I'll move on to the second You said I have a desire to be admired. Yes Now when I reflect on that I completely agree I think I lied to myself for a couple of years and thought that I was More noble than I was but what I came to learn often from doing this podcast was that some kind of insecurity Or some kind of shame was really the driving force at the heart of me and as I sit here with athletes or Israel Arasanya the UFC champion or whoever it is You uncover these stories which at a very young age the thing that might have invalidated them when they were younger is now The thing they're striving to seek validation from as an adult well, it's funny I agree with that and now I'm gonna tell you why I Walk around earth with gratitude and guilt. I Everything you just said is one of my biggest thesis is in life. That is a hundred percent true Mine is slightly different I Got really fortunate. It's like really hard to talk about even without like getting weird about it. I'm My circumstances are you know, I think yes in some ways for example the system School took such a shit on me in the 80s and 90s I and you know this we've run in similar circles I'm very good at fighting the systems of industries like it's also why I see things like Netflix You're gonna win Tesla. You're gonna win because I know they're fighting the thing Mm-hmm and so I recognize it. I've been a good investor I've been a good operator and I'm definitely a communicator college, right? I was at a talk yesterday I'm not speaking that much, but I like my dad taught me, you know, keep your words So I had a talk from pre-COVID that got canceled and then canceled and then I got Kobe like and so I still did it And so I did it yesterday and a couple of moms came up to me and both of them The way they talked to me about the content and putting around college was through love and admiration 12 years ago those same exact moms were really angry at me You know and so when you see things, you know, you you kind of challenge it and so yes I think I absolutely the thing that was an insecurity. I get bad grades, but what was different for me is I didn't believe them This is this is where self-esteem is an obsession of mine not delusion Right not delusion because that's what a lot of modern parenting does you can do anything Sally no you can't Sally you are not athletic enough to be in the WNBA It wasn't that it was this weird balance that my mom created between deep confidence but accountability and truth I remember trying to make an excuse for striking out in a baseball game and trying to use the Sun in my eyes as an excuse and My mom not letting me do it very subtly Talk about childhood forming you like this is why I implore everyone to communicate their truth to their children to the world through Podcasts or content like it's amazing to me sentences change people's lives Right she didn't let me do it and I became very accountable because of those levels of parenting and realities and that Accountability led to so much happiness, but for me when the school system was saying your shit I didn't believe them and so I watch a lot of people being driven by hurt and I Consense that I'm driven by love. I just sense it like for me It's just like deep self-awareness that understands how fortunate I've been like so many things went my way The mom of the century being able to leave the Soviet Union in this little window in the 70 1917 19 in the 72 years that the Soviet Union Dictated people's life to remind everybody this this is something most Americans and Westerners don't understand the Soviet Union was like North Korea It wasn't like Iran Iranians right now are able to leave Iran and go to turn you know wherever their passport is taken They can't go everywhere, but Turkey takes their passport Dubai takes their passport The Soviet Union that my family grew up in was North Korea. You were not allowed to leave But this little event in 1970 of eight Russians trying to hijack a plane to go to Sweden to escape Created a global story that led to pressure on Russia where Spain and Israel and America teamed up and had this little moment Where Russia had spent too much money on their weapons of war and we're starting to run out of resources and Conformed to their anti-Semitism and decided to take money from the US and Israel in exchange for a couple of hundred thousand people And I'm one of those people and I born with insane levels of entrepreneurship and gift of GAB and Offense get to go from the worst place on earth at the time and for someone like me in 1978 to the best place on earth fuck and then getting all love but not delusion and so by 10 being in the grit of like studio apartment with tons of family members and queen like all shit But being ten years old and having little But being happy is fuck and being loved insane and now a ten-year-old me Realizes that money has no impact on happiness.
How do we build confidence (12:30)
I was built to win I Was built to win and so I agree with you. I see it in so many of my friends I always say the two ways to build something insane is deep deep insecurity turned into fuel or Deep deep deep levels of confidence turned into fuel on that point of confidence You said your mother gave you your confidence. Yes earlier on you said you get she gave you your sense of sort of self responsibility Yes, but I've also heard you say that she's responsible for your confidence and then another thing the market So yes, my mother and so a lot of people are listening right now and they had positive reinforcement There's two things to watch out for for everybody who's listening parents or youngsters or just try to get it everyone listening And I by the way, this is a good time to say this I consume a lot of Content meaning I consume no content. I consume how people are consuming content. I just want to give you some roses and Really the listener on the other side. I've really enjoyed it And this is very lightweight. This is a hot take. It's not like I've done a major homework in this But I feel like you have a very thoughtful audience. I really like what's going on with you and your audience It's and it's really both of you right. It's not just you it's who self selects to listen to your guests And you're doing a great job casting and all that but there's something nice going on here So keep going and everyone who's listening kudos on you for understanding his value here in a world of unlimited content Here's the two back to like kind of the respect I have I told I told you Dustin. I said hey pay attention today I'm gonna be a little bit sharper. It's out of my admiration Here are the two things I want to go extra level to watch out for in confidence building too many people go too far And they go into that eighth place trophy delusional place and then kids don't believe you I'm gonna be very transparent. I've already sensed that with one of my children where they're calling my bluff on it I'm like fuck it's true Like you're I played AJ much harder in every sport than I'm playing Xander. That's the facts and So I'm already adjusting my day itself is under your child. Yes, wait so So One it's don't let it be delusional the whole you can be anything You can do anything you want you can be Anything you want you just might not be the best at it or great at it You can be a musician it doesn't mean that you're gonna be a financially successful enough musician to pay for your household or if You want to be you can you're just gonna have to live humbly and live your passion Which I think is going to be the conversation in a hundred years I believe the evolution of you and I and a lot of people listening is a lot more people making $61,000 a year doing exactly what has them on fire and living and living This is a big part and living within the means of that 61,000 But that's a different conversation for a different day. So number one watch out for delusion number two You can't be the only source of positive reinforcement Had I never gone outside and my mother did everything she did I don't think I am who I am the other part that made me was ringing doorbells and having 81 people say no kid I don't want you to wash my car and having six of them say yes kid I do want you to wash my car for five dollars. I Think what also made me was standing on a lemonade stand for Months in my life, you know two days here or three days here five days here months of my life from six to thirteen and Watching 99.9 percent of the cars drive by my stand and not react to my great signs and not stopping by my lemonade I think what made me was a Hundred out of 105 people said no to shoveling snow What made me was I had a baseball card table and I watched a hundred people walk by and not want to buy anything for me Even though I had good stickers and good cards and one the market made me all those nose Became enjoyable It's the yes that acts as the evidence though So it's the it's the person coming along in the one in a hundred buying the lemonade that makes a young Gary or a young me Go, you know, I can still lemonade 100% and I was I've thought a lot of over the years because the more I speak on stage Or the more I my brand has grown I get the same question over and over again Which seems to be at the very base level of everything I do which is how does one build confidence? You've talked about your mum's sort of subjective evidence that you are great And then you've talked about the evidence from the one in 100 buying lemonade. I came to this hypothesis that Ourself belief like all our beliefs is just based on false or correct subjective evidence we have about ourselves So if that is true if it beliefs or beliefs are just evidence What's your view on how someone can build that self confidence they're listening to this now How do they go get their evidence and do you agree with that thesis? Yeah? I like a lot of that thesis. I also think one of the things to point out that might help a lot of people is my mom Also created positive reinforcement for me on the right things when I think back to what she positively reinforced It was not when I get the occasional B in history as a DNF student, which would be logical This is the first time I remember saying this publicly. It's the first time I had a clear thought on it It would be logical for a mother who really she she knew how smart I was she was Borderline pissed. She's like can't you get seized to appease me. You're so capable. I'm like these at F's Why she didn't positively reinforce the bees I got in history, which was the one class I paid attention to Is actually a very interesting insight. She didn't reaffirm a sub a subjective machine that wasn't built for me What she reaffirmed and built confidence in me was how nice I was to everyone When I think of my 47 year old self, I am the byproduct of two energies. I'm a successful entrepreneur, which is what the world taught me and For the people that know they know like especially the people that really know they know how nice I am Like you know this you know a lot more about me and subtle little like what I love about you is you're smart So I know I can say this you know yeah, I know yeah, right and we've had lots of dealings over the Right in every subtle way. Yeah in every subtle way. We've theoretically competed There's been moments where I could or couldn't come like what I love about this is you know Hmm and I've always said that when I go into the grave so many people gonna know me That as long as the people that actually know me Feel what I want them to feel I can't you know there are people who today? Don't think I'm a great dude And it's off of one clip that somebody wanted to use me To do a split screen to build themselves up because during the business of tearing people down to build their building and That doesn't bother me actually it's one of like I actually have incredible compassion for that person has it ever hurt So when I became a dragon on BBC's dragon Stan I I was exposed to a new level of Public criticism and misunderstanding of often intentional misunderstanding so anything you say or do and You know articles and different sort of sides of the political spectrum who maybe hate entrepreneurship at times Sure doing pieces on me and then the backlash and then other like real sort of takedown efforts Yes, and there was days where even my walls of resilience and toughness something kept me up at night Has that ever happened for you?
Public criticism (19:03)
Yeah, we're all human be I'm not a robot. Yeah, it's that it's so not sustained Tell me about a time when that happened You don't have to give me the detail. I'll tell you there was a kid who wrote a medium piece about me being the face of hustle porn which to this day lingers and It was a medium article. I was on a plane. I landed and it was just all this chaos and there was a lot of things that weren't true Like me. I didn't inherit my dad's liquor store. I built my dad's store for him There are some things that really like trigger me that one always hurts because I think I did one of the most noble acts a human with talent can do I knew at 17 that I was a fucking guy and I decided consciously That I loved my parents so much that I was gonna dedicate a decade of my youth prime fucking years I brought 20 to 30 is fucking you got time you got energy you got I gave 10 of my greatest years. They're not my wisdom years, but they're my fucking fucking Years and I gave them gave them to my parents Never made over a hundred twenty thousand a year built a business from three to sixty five million left with nothing started vayner media in Mike Lazarus conference room at buddy media at 34 years old because I had no fucking money I'm proud of that so when you can imagine when somebody writes a hit piece and says you can't listen to this guy he inherited His dad's liquor store that hurts when you say hurts. What are the symptoms of that hurt for you? Oh, you're gonna love this because this is why it's not sustainable. I'm I'm neutral At all times Gary you're the goat. Thank you Gary your shit. I understand Why does it hurt? I know that there is millions of 15 to 25 year olds 30 to 60 year olds 61 to 90 year olds right now Who've decided not to consume my message? Because one person who's hurting decided to build themselves up by targeting me because of the platform on and that disappoints me more than anything as someone who is deeply deeply deeply driven by leaving the impact at the highest levels that he is capable of out of the guilt and gratitude of winning the DNA and Environment game the elimination of opportunity to help make the world more about love in Lewa of someone reinforcing their beliefs of living the world of dark and hate is crushing for me philosophically But the reason it's not sustained Steve is my number one fan on earth Outside of my family whoever that is Sally pants McGee and my number one Person that hates me the most thinks that the whole thing is the worst can't wait till I die. I Equally feel the same about it zero On that day you learned from that plane you see the don't know Twitter or whatever's blowing up and all these people are saying those things If I was sat next to you. Yes, what would I have observed? Hey, this is too big to not address in a world where 99.9 things I won't address I Want to at least create clarity? Because it's gone too viral in a world that I admire the readers of medium are my contemporaries my friends people I admire and so I just didn't want six or seven things that weren't true to be the foundation of a high Hypothesis, especially when you go read crush it, which is my coming out moment. It doesn't talk about Making money and buying a yacht When it talks about working hard at night It was under the context of the 2008 recession people losing their jobs and me saying hey I don't know if you know this but the Internet's getting mature And if you go on YouTube and Twitter You might be able to fix this shortcoming you have and yes I understand that some of you are also equally it's not just about getting a new job or getting a job It's also oh my god because this was delude This was insane to me because I was just coming out to the world now I was like in my little wine library bubble like people don't like their jobs Like that was like I loved it so much even if I was doing it for my I loved it so much that I Was taken aback by that. I was like well if you don't like being an accountant and you love Star Trek Star making Star Trek video. I mean it's insane what TikTok and Instagram and YouTube have created you go read crush it which I wrote in 2008 It's insane how much of that became true even to me You know I'm asking I think I'm asking this question and I keep assisting on this topic is because I've always seen the way that you've publicly Responded in those moments and it's always been with an unbelievable level of gratitude and empathy and So I as someone who's been on the receiving end of it. It's hard. It's hard So I was it's just you know, I'm sorry finish. I was gonna say so I've always wondered from afar Yeah, someone who's been on the receiving end of it what goes on as the the first you know like the first reaction We have to these things where you're like yeah, I mean the first hundred Honestly the first hundredth of a second reaction is actually a very weird blend of You'll see and I can't wait to be gracious when you come to apologize And I've I've had moments like that where the thing the story whatever Will just stay on my mind Yeah, and it'll rattle over and it might rattle over for like six seven hours eight hours It might rattle over at nighttime that night. Yeah, might even rattle over the next morning. Right Does that happen to you too? It's very rare for it to be able to get to the second day that next morning very rare I just go deep into the fucking Gary cave of Okay This person I admire just took a shit on me This this influencer decided to shit on me And I'm not talking about the comedians who I love the comedian stuff is like awesome because I'm like oh like I and I just did Dylan's podcast and I said it I'm like that's that I'm like humbled by like action good comedians Forget about the people that impersonate me and have built not their careers because they impersonate others But like a couple of these characters have really benefited from impersonating me And that means so much to me that I brought vcon was my crowning event and the first people that hit stage were impersonators of me There's no bigger cosign I can give to like that feels amazing that somebody's winning the thought that somebody's winning in their comedic career Because they popped by impersonating me. That's like the most Humbling feeling of all time Not that not when people take shots at me and like hyperbolize what I'm saying for a laugh I'm I'm flattered by them. I'm talking about people that really fuck this dude. He's bad and And it's so bad how they do it. It's so very out of context and things that nature I Just It just doesn't Register I what you know I if I'm hurt by midnight as I close my eyes and then the first thing I do when I close those eyes and the first thing I do when I open those eyes I say to myself, okay The world all eight billion people have decided to go on social media and say actually I'm a piece of shit Is that better or worse than my parents dying in a car crash right now on the way to the airport? I'd much rather have all eight billion people go on social media right now and say I suck Then that to happen thus I Can't be upset about this in a real way. There's bigger problems. There's bigger problems You referenced something early you said wisdom years I found that really really compelling because you referenced you know, I think you said 20 to 30 I'm now 30 just 30 so I guess I'm in my wisdom years and one of the things I think this one's the in between the 20 to 30s like Right like just fucking go ham And forever listening this is the years to taste a lot of shit make a lot of mistakes have fun try different things like everything eat it all go to the go to the you know the Salad bar and try every single thing that's in there 30 to 40 is the refinement of 20 to 30 Especially if you really go at it. You're like, okay. I remember like 30 30 is when shit started popping for me February 21st 2006 is my first episode of Wine Library TV. Mm-hmm. So I'm 30 I just turned 30 and That is clean. I mean The fact that within December June within three months of my 30th birthday the very clear public data Very clear indication of the shift in my career Happened three months. So that was interesting and I think those are the when I think of 30 to 40 I refined a lot of things that felt natural 20 to 30. I refined my craft I started to get to know myself better when I think about 40 to 47 I'm like that's an evolution of 30 to 40. I'm still refining. I'm still doing but I'm starting to get into a Thought of like, okay, I like have real grasp on things. I can do some real damage like I'm scared in the most positive way of What I'm gonna accomplish? Selfish selfish and selflessly from 50 to 60 scared. I think it's going to be banana shit I think everything that is me right now is minor leagues compared to what I'm gonna do 50 to 60 because I now have the context of 40 to 50 Which is a more polished version of the refinement of 30 40 and so for me 50 to 60 feels like Insanity and then when I look at my 60 to 70 year old business friends I'm like fuck I get an entire another decade after that decade of doing it at 100 and then I start debating What happens at 70 right then? I'm like 70 to 80 is still a very clear decade for a certain very small group to continue to go ham and go fucking insane I'm curious where I'll be I know to 70. I'll be exactly the same way I am right now. It's inconceivable. I'm not Those 23 years are pretty clear to me. They're gonna look like the last 23 years 70 to 80 becomes an interesting debate. Will I take any foot off the pedal? Will I go to a different place? I often fantasize of like going into like a cave in Peru and whoever wants to find me can come and we get 30 minutes And I just do that for the next 30 years of my life I don't know obviously there's that very silly but very emotional goal of buying the Jets for me That's more fun to chase than eat like I almost think I the first time I might feel actual Unhappiness or weirdness or some sort of version of like Might be if I buy the Jets like I think about that a lot I'm like if this happens was this such a romantic journey This is not 30 and 40 and 20 year old Gary thinking it's cool to say this This was 12 year old Gary telling Robbie Ternik and Eric God dream would buy this fucking team This has been like a thing like actually like forever Quick one Intel and I wanted the sponsors on this podcast and in the coming weeks I'm gonna be telling you about the v pro platform Intel v pro is built for business Essentially what this means to me is that it's built for a hybrid working mode perfect for my businesses as we quite literally are working all over the world in offices in co-working spaces in airports and the v pro platform has been super helpful in allowing me to Connect and collaborate seamlessly with all of my teams all around the world all of the time It truly makes hybrid working far easier So it's something that I think businesses will all be able to benefit from for me the benefits a second to none It's industry leading performance makes it the perfect solution for any business So if you'd like to find out more and I really think you should head to intol.co.uk/vpro and let me know how you get on for many years people have been asking for a coffee flavored heel and Quite recently he'll release the ice coffee caramel flavor of their Ready-to-drink heels and I've just become hooked on it over the last couple of weeks I've been on a really interesting journey with heel Which I've described and talked about a little bit on this podcast I started with the berry ready-to-drinks that I moved over to the protein salted caramel because it's a hundred calories And it gives you all of your essential vitamins and minerals But also gives you the 20 odd grams of protein you need and now I'm balanced between them both I drink mostly the banana flavor ready to drink. I've got really into the ice coffee caramel flavor of heels ready to drink And now I'm drinking that as well as the protein Make sure you try the new ready-to-drink flavors that the caramel flavor is amazing the new banana flavor as well as amazing and obviously as I said the iced coffee caramel flavor has been a real smash hit so Check it out. Let me know what you think on social media. I see all of your tags and Instagram posts and tweets about your On that point of those wisdom years.
Is mindset a privilege? (32:26)
Yes one of the things that came out of my Refinement as you call it and my kind of maybe I meant just at the start of my wisdom years Yes, I look back on my perspective on exactly what you've talked about I'm like hustling and like my own Insane luck of being a very optimistic person in worse situations, and I wonder I say Steve is Mindset a privilege and if it is because you described yourself as being as happy you've always had this this drive this motivation Is there a risk in us if mindset if our mindset is a privilege in trying to advise others when they don't have the same? Privilege couple things one everything's a privilege. Yeah Do you see what I mean though? Of course I got really scared. I think this is incredibly powerful first of all as a whole separate and intriguing conversation everything is a privilege and everything is a vulnerability and This is like an incredibly important subject to talk about. I think mental Content is the ultimate privilege. Yeah, I think the second one is beauty I'm fascinated that we haven't gotten yet to attractive privilege When I look at men and women navigate this world There's nothing more clear to me in the privilege that like like they're like white male prom like attractive privilege makes that shit look fucking minor leagues if you look at the data So let's look at that then but I'm gonna put I want to go back because I want to lose and I will lose it because I know how we roll I Have no interest in thinking that I'm telling anyone what to do or giving I do not think that I'm giving advice I really don't and I don't touch on this enough and I have touched on it at times And this is a great format to touch about it. I have no belief that I'm right. I have no belief That I'm giving advice. I have no belief that anyone listening to this should do what I'm saying. I am putting Info into the system and I'm hoping that people can extract something of value for them based on their own self awareness of themselves Most people don't have self awareness. I'm aware, which is why I talk about it so much Yeah, there's a reason I talk about self awareness so much why I was a pillar of my last book Why it's a big character and V friends self-aware hair self-aware hair the tortoise and the hair Yeah, I think people don't one day when I'm you know I think 47 year old Gary for cynics and people that were watching Is better than they thought it would be than 27 year old Gary, right? Like the hot takes on I'll never forget when I hit the scene on Twitter The whispers at conferences I could hear them in the back room in the green room And I definitely read it on Twitter because I was like popping they're like out of everyone who's popping on Twitter in 2007 The consensus was the only person that won't be here in a decade is Gary Because it was too hot too fast too much People literally I'm empathetic when you have this kind of energy I'm empathetic to how this story plays out for different people. I get why the person burns out I get why the person really does the ultimate bad thing and disappears off the fry I get with that it but that's because I'm not on the extreme insecurity side. I'm on this other side So I always knew So but one of the things so I get a lot of like joy out of like Knowing that so many people didn't think I'd be there and I'm at the top of it Same way I feel about V friends Nobody has a clue including my inner circle of how much the thoughtfulness I did in character development This is my Disney. This is my sesame Street big bird Mickey Mouse, right? Optimus Prime Pikachu like self-awareness is profound The story of the tortoise in the hair is profound to every listener of this part There's not a single listener right this second that's listening here right now If they're eight or if they're 88 that isn't extremely vulnerable to the lack of patience because they're too ambitious It's the reason they're listening so self-aware hair for me is a Phenomenal story I get to tell for the next 50 years And I can't wait to make self-aware hair more famous than Gary V is today because that will be the way I scale Putting positivity into the world V friends and so I'm excited about that But back to your point my friend is long as you come from a place of humility and Understand that ego kills people. I Yes, we have some luxury of mindset and communication But for me, I don't think people should listen to me I should I think people should listen to everything and try to find positivity and Usability out of everything and they should dismiss What is clearly negative and selfish and they should triple down on everything that is selfless and positive and that is the answer to your question That started here. What should people do? They should be very very focused on trying to do the following Lean in dramatically more to things that are positive your grandfather Podcasts Upworthy calm lean into positivity then they should be on the Awareness eyes wide open on is this delusional and lacks? Practicality like you know if I just dream it it will happen. No Lean in cut out literally when this podcast is over step back audit your entire life From the people you spend time with your family your friends look at every person you follow Are they triggering your insecurities for their own self-interest or are they trying to put love into it? So that you go on and do your thing watch look for it, but whatever you do Back to like working out like you know protein and you know when I when you know one mic for countries like all right You did a lift like protein. I'm like really okay and like during coven I'm like wait a minute I'm starting to finally get some muscles Oh because I was doing protein as fuck after lifts and not after not lifts. I was doing it right Here's something right for everyone cut out one hour of negativity add one hour of positivity If you're listening right now, and you're like social such a drag It's because you're in a drag mindset and the algos and the people you follow are following you You know what my social looks like fucking sunshine I'm being dead fucking serious. You know my algos look like fucking Sunshine in the world of the momentum of darkness right now sunshine. You know why I choose to fight For positivity, but I refuse to not be grounded in practicality, which is why I've always thrown curveballs love everybody It's all awesome fuck eighth place trophies what Gary what what eighth place trophies lead to entitlement and fear of losing and it fucks up kids So like it's kind of that juxtaposition practical positivity is something everyone needs to add more and so back to your point We are gonna put out stuff forever because it's how we're wired the people who are listening right now for a lot of them They need to understand where they match with us Mmm, and we're you and I match on a lot of things. There's a lot of things We don't match on the person the other side needs to figure it out you I would argue watching you from afar We know each other but not that deep We never we haven't had those six hours that we need that we will have in the next 50 years where it starts to get even Closer, but even from afar. It's clear to me that you're understanding more and more What is right from the messages you've heard and what's not right for you and you refine it and you refine it? There's a lot to your point. There's a I say it all the time Please don't be me the only thing I want people to be like me is be as happy as me. That's an insular game That's a self-awareness game. That's a process game That's the only thing I want people to be like with me like I'm weird I've got a lot of weird nuances. I do a lot of things that are not scalable. I don't maximize for it I'm always worried when people are like oh I want to learn how you build your businesses I'm like good. It's real different like, you know, I don't maximize for profit I maximize for attention of relationships if you aren't as confident as I am when those people leave and compete with you You become grudge oriented and envy oriented instead of happy or like I've got some weird elements that People can't run my playbook, but I couldn't write run other people's playbook So pay attention find what works for you try shit try it multiple times Steve said something you like try it once didn't work Steve's not an idiot you don't suck try it again on this the very crux Of all of this is that key point which is about self-awareness and as I realized that my late 20s that self-awareness was really the key to To most things in life and I remember writing a quote my Instagram Which is still my favorite quote of all time where I said? There's no self-development there's no self-development without self-awareness you can read as many books as you like 100% but if you can't read yourself you'll never learn a thing.
How does someone find out what they're good at (40:57)
It's why I've never read a book Yeah, exactly like like to me the only thing I've read is my feelings So how does how does one person listening to this now that's been listening to our content and you know They really want to be a an entrepreneur. They want to have a big media company whatever it might be But they don't know they don't have them like but they don't have the job Objectively they don't have the minerals. Well, how they go about discovering they don't have the minerals by going in the pool and drowning Okay You know it's not for you and I to judge because we've been wrong too much Yeah, I've been wrong so much it scares the fuck out of me and I'm gifted with intuition that when I'm dead I hope they can test for it because I think I'm all time and I've been wrong a ton that makes me believe everyone's wrong So if you're listening here's a couple things that are a good call out that may bring value instead of what I just said Asking what you're in it for is humongous Yeah, this generation I don't think they know because I know this you'll first of all you're part of this generation. Yeah But you know, but you know, I know too, but guess what my generation this I'm so done with this my generation Didn't know either guess what when I was 22 all my friends wanted to hook up to all my friends wanted a BMW 2 and by the way as somebody who observed people his whole life the people that were older to me the people that were buying Expensive wine for me when I was 20 and they were 35 they Everybody wants stuff to communicate to others that they're winning We've been putting on makeup since we had fucking clubs hitting each other like it's what humans do we do things to communicate To status and yes, why to hide? We're hiding We we used to do it with status right now. We've decided to shit on each other our current move to hide is by tearing each other down That's status - I want to be I want to be the most leftist. I want to be the most on the right I want you know, and that's the problem is unlike buying a BMW and going into debt when you're doing this one You're hurting other people's feelings It's one thing when you're hurting your credit score. It's another thing when you're trying to make someone feel bad about themselves That's why the acts of us collectively at eight billion people right now is Completely and utterly unacceptable, which is why I'm desperately Unicating at the highest levels about the stuff that I want to put into the world as a counter to people's us against them Girls vs. Boys black vs. Jude Republicans. It's fucking exhausting Like once people understand there's one team humans Let's let's you can be mad at elephants You can be mad at Falcons, but like being mad at each other is the most counter-productive thing And we need to go into tribes my country my sports team. I understand this because I hate all the other football teams It's the only place I get those feelings the way people feel about Republicans and Democrats or genders and races or countries The only place I can touch on it emotionally is American football My level of actual disdain towards Patriot fans is real. I feel the rage But the fact that I do that for something silly that's a form of escapism That's a couple hours a week to like reset and like enjoy and escape like people watch movies or ski or exercise That's silly. That's football. That's silly. We're doing this in real life to each other and It's it's got to stop and I think it starts with people understanding if you are shitting on others right now It's a complete reflection to your own unhappiness and insecurity I had a kid come up to me and this is why I was asking the question is after I did a talk and he said to me as I Knelt down on stage. He said I want to be he must have been 18 I want to be a public speaker too, and I'm like why Why is always the right answer? And the answer you'll get from this generator this my generation is Well, I want to I want to change the world Gary. Yeah, of course And then you go what you want to change about it? They go I in fact what I came to learn is they want to be the type of person That's known for changing the world. I mean the operation. That's right They saw the audience clap and they want that feeling the money the fame the accolades the blue check the followers the fun I understand It's the problem with all the things I just mentioned is there a vulnerability to your own happiness if it's not balanced There's nothing by the way sometimes people get mad at me in the other direction like fucking Gary Would my fucking face off? I can buy a fucking watch or a car and like of course you can the why? If you like love the shit like I don't understand sports cars and the feeling of going that fast That's not me But I understand buying rare sports cards and that's enjoyable if you enjoy that that's phenomenal When I talk about materialistic things I talk about makeup for insecurity if you are Burning the midnight or you know how people burn out they're working till two in the morning to buy the expensive car To use it to close their insecurity to get the affirmation from the opposite sex or their friends That's that's that's systems broke. It won't work I I mean I don't know what's to tell you like everyone's like okay Gary But I'd rather have the fucking money like this whole like I'd rather cry in my Ferrari than drive a toy owner or take the bus You say that Do you really want to be in a mental place where you're on the borderline of suicide and you have heavy drug usage Even though you make $3 million a year 17 million dollars a year because you know this now Steve You've worked very hard and you have the talents and the luck of the draw and you put in the execution to now run in circles Where you know what I'm about to say is ungodly true Which is the following an extraordinary amount of people that have unlimited resources are Desperately lonely insecure unhappy and borderline depression suicidal. That's just truth and So like the thought of me talking in any other direction when I know that to be true Seems like the least authentic thing I can do But even when you say that you must know that for a huge amount of people including myself We have to have that hypothesis that those things will give us some kind of Fulfill mental meaning we have to have that fail us before we learn the lesson Gary's words Versus the insecurity that was developed for my mother and my father on the playground hypothetically One of them, you know when I was seven years old the kids said I'd never be nothing They might eat and I'm not talking about myself.
Using content to lift people up (46:58)
I got it I got it the teacher comes in and says you're an asshole. I think I think that's right I think that's right. I'm one side of the skill. Yeah Gary's words I don't think it's either of those. I think it's the macro conversation of happiness I believe if the kids getting picked on you'll never be nothing and She or he decides I will be content at 25. I will have peace of mind. I Will smile 89.3% of my life Instead of I'm gonna have a mansion and a super yacht. I think she gets crazy You're describing neither. So you I I at very young age only only black kid in an all-white area We were also the poorest family so every we understand the value so you get all the advantages of adversity Exactly. Yes in the con on the context. I was in I was the black brewery in a world full of iPhones So I had that feeling of like not enough. I get it. That means that as I go off into the world I'm convinced my subjective evidence is if you get the Material success if you get there then you'll be happy Nothing on what if what if you're 17 heroes on TikTok and YouTube we're talking about something else It's a good hold on. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is super duper important What if you're 17 heroes How has everything changed in the world? Can I say say well? I'm much again that might not be enough because those first ten years as you learn your childhood psychology You're the problem is in those first ten years you will have heroes outside of your family What if you're seven year old you on YouTube kids? finds a hero or on ESPN app or something what if what if messy your hero at seven in every other interview spoke about peace of mind living with it like what if the conversation changed because the conversation has changed on race on gender on religion on status tulips used to be the most important thing in your life the king the Do you understand in America in? 1968 in 1971 in 1971 in America if you were an astronaut or pilot You were cooler than an athlete I Want everyone to fucking pay it like this is a big fucking deal This is what my fucking mission is in 1971 in fucking America if you were a astronaut or pilot You were more famous than everybody but the top ten athletes in America that Joe Nameth was more famous Love him, but you know you understand yeah, do you understand? That Joe Nameth is actually a great comp the Jets quarterback that stunned the world in Super Bowl 3 became a sex symbol and That started to change he was a celebrity which was different You and I are affected by Entrepreneurship now being a celebrity status something that couldn't have even crossed my mind when I was 18 years old Maybe even 30 your age right now 30 it was starting to because you have to understand Do you know who was the biggest entrepreneur when I was your age Bill Gates the nerdiest fucking looking person on earth? Think about how but this this is why it's fun You're properly speaking in the framework of our society now my argument is that communication changes frameworks and what if we? Collectively got on this boat. I I want to say here's what I'm thinking So if if we managed to get seven-year-old absorbing content, which I imagine is probably a lot of your plan with V friends that is Empowering that is creating new evidence in their mind purple not red or blue Yeah, right that's right public at purple right like like competitive clown is a motherfucker Accountable ant kids is the thing like if you lost you fucking lost. I don't want to over coddle it Yeah, yeah, but in Gary Vaynerchuk seven-year-old world yes if his mother was crying on the kitchen counter every day Because of my you I mean we started this by talking about the use of Gary Vaynerchuk and Steve Yeah, and not acknowledging that there is extraordinary amounts of people that are bringing joy into the world that had Alcoholic parents yeah depressed mom and dads Bipolar moms and dads lose it my mother lost her mom at five and her father ready You know why I have confidence in this let's talk about Tamara Vaynerchuk not Gary Vaynerchuk Tamara Vaynerchuk was born in the Soviet Union in 1955 about as bad of a fucking draw as one can get she goes on to get another tough card It's called her mother dies at five She goes on to have an even more insane card, which is her father goes to jail for basically in this environment right now This will make sense to people finally for being Jewish in the Soviet Union and he went to jail for 10 years She finds herself a 10 with her mom dead and her dad in jail for a decade and a step mom Raisinger who's a young kid doesn't know what the fuck just happened to her either right? All the family's gone because everyone's like just fucked up all the dynamics the mom side the dad side you're following the story She goes on to become The person that built me because she is me and I am her more importantly These core positive person for any person in her life from acquaintance that met her once to clearly her three children She exists. I'm not saying that any early experience Defines which way you're gonna go in I'm trying to say that any early experience is is gonna be good Yeah, yeah, could any experience from you between the age of zero and ten I could be a major factor, right? And I've sat here with these childhood Psychologists and therapists like Gabble may yet studies childhood trauma Yep in that first ten years of your life if your parents are constantly I believe in that crying I believe in that you know, you know, so I believe in by the way Just so everybody who's saying because it might seem the opposite because I'm kind of going fast. Yeah, I believe in that comma There's something I believe in if one person that lived that cliche life Has gone on to be an incredibly how be and productive person it now means it's capable and true Yeah, I've noticed this in my guests on the podcast So I'd sit here with a guest whose father was Incredibly violent and the domestic domestic violence on his mother. Yeah, this person is the kindest person I've ever met I've sat here with someone whose father did domestic violence because of that There's a layer between what happens in their interpretation over react in both directions It's it's it's your interpretation. That's right. That's what the childhood psychologist said So you can there's what there's someone's like having a sunglasses on your eyes. See there's nothing else. You know that right? Yeah, 100% there is nothing else on earth. Yeah, so the point the point here is Regarding that person who grows up in a household where they interpret. Yes, that money is the most important thing Do they then have to have that belief fail? Before they can learn that the land beginning isn't good because for me. I just can't imagine a world where That was so deep inside me that insecurity and shame I can't imagine a world where Steve Bartlett doing a quote on Instagram or doing a podcast would have been stronger My my arguing my parents scream each other every day. My argument is you don't know you just know the alternative and I would argue that Many people like yourself and I know weird things because we get unlimited DMS and emails and you know this about me Because this is where I'm a little weird. I took a six-hour flight. Yes, right and read a good trillion DMS I think what I do that's a hair different than a lot of my contemporaries is I'm in the dirt heavy like I really still see extraordinary levels of value of being in the trenches reading those DMS replying to those DMS like long after I mean I'm watching people get 10,000 followers and think there's somebody and get an assistant to reply like I'm still in it and in that I see it I There's a reason that people that were deeply alcoholic have been able to be sober the rest of their lives after going through a process There's a reason that therapy is profound. There is a reason that meditation is profound. There's a reason that exercise is profound to me everything you just said is right but it is the cliche you get a hand and then you got to play it and as someone who's not good at poker and has won many Hands with three seven off-suit because I'm just a fucker like that. I believe in that in life, too There's every version do I believe that to your point? I believe more than anything that those first ten years There's so much going on. It's insane including the environment. You're in right yours was one mine was one But do I believe that if you then decide like many do well, I got fucked I got fucked Well, then if you've decided back to perspective being everything if you've decided I got fucked Well, then the game's over anyway the fuck are we doing here if if you've decided I can't Because I was unlucky my mom this my dad this my country this my gender that my income level this well It's over doesn't matter what I think you think anyone else thinks it's over. I just refuse to talk to another human being and believe that to be true Because there's been billions of examples of the alternative billion Steve. Yeah, there's been billions of alternatives of the Exact opposite I agree with you. It's just that point sometimes I ponder which is you'll meet someone and you think this guy Regardless of what I say to them or this this woman is going to have to have their current worldview fail them by the way I believe that about every person.
Whats your dark side (57:02)
Yeah, I don't believe a single person that I've inspired or got through to Now wins they have to taste everything for themselves. Yeah, you said you're weird and I sat with Tim Grover Tim Grover who used to train LeBron in MJ and Kobe He said to me that we all have Abreliance our greatness and then often connected to that and responsible for that is our dark side as the word he used the thing that you know becomes the Star Wars what's your dark side? probably my unhealthy There's a version of me on a competitive scale that can get dark I Mean incredibly competitive the only place I feel like I'm dark is when I'm competing like it's great Moments ago a couple hours ago. We did rock paper scissors tournament with our leadership team as an exercise I Lost to Peter Chun head of platforms the guy that talks to snap at everything. I Quickly thought after I lost in the first five seconds Should I fire him? Of course, of course Steve. There's a little ha ha but if it was being naked and authentic and transparent to this audience Thank God at 47 the wisdom years I used to punch if dust Dustin Bingham Joe Minnekawa Glenn Curtis Eric Rainey Can you guys all stand up and go to social media and tell everybody the following truth of what happened anytime? I lost in Madden 94 in a dorm room I would punch a hole in the wall Knowing I would have to pay a fine with my own money, but I was incapable of Dealing with losing why because I wanted to win give it why? Because it felt better than losing why? Because not because of like the great place you're going with this path like it's really funny. It's no different to the One of the great lessons I I've gotten so weird that there's a part of me now that wants me not to buy the Jets more than by the Jets I've seen this abolition because I want to show the world how pumped I'm gonna be for Sarah McGee who bought it and This is a brainfuck But I'm starting I lived my whole life saying if I can show kids that you can go from not being able to afford a fucking Jersey To buying the whole team I can help Now I'm starting to believe when I show the grace and Happiness for someone else's accomplishment at the expense of my lifelong dream and Teach people that it was that the great enjoyment to try it That I could have a bigger impact than showing that you can do it That's winning in a different way in a very different way and that's what happened with me with winning and losing I was I wasn't per se Trying to of course listen with like again. I am not a robot Everyone's loaded with insecurity. I had insecurity with girls much more than business Like nobody was scary to me to talk to a business But Pam Moses in high school like even though there was a clear indication that she had interest that was still like woo Whereas I could have had a meeting with Bill Gates next day and be like I'll beat you right so we all have our places right of insecurity things of that nature But like you know when you're five you like there was just such a like I love competition and I'd prefer to win Right and I prefer to win. I did not have a relationship with it from three to four to twelve now I one thing I love and I'm watching a lot of kids now because I have kids growing up Here's where I get interested in tenacity and self-esteem I Would lose and I liked it So there's some you want a dark side. I like losing I Might have cried and been pissed and wanted to do something about it, but I wanted to play again There was almost this weird enjoyment of losing more than winning as a matter of fact I cheered for four teams growing up as religious as I am about the Jets the New York Yankees the New York Rangers The New York Knicks and the New York Jets To this day I am so wildly weirded out by the fact that I love the New York Rangers and the Yankees as much as I like the Jets But the Rangers won the Stanley Cup in 1994 and the Yankees won the World Series in 1996 and the next day I stopped following them For real. No bullshit. I don't it wasn't a plan. I was 18 years old when the Rangers won the cup I didn't think of it as like the thing I wanted to do I literally woke up that next September October when the hockey season started and I didn't want to watch why Now at 47 I believe it's my addiction is the process and the game Not the thing and where did that you're clearly a unique standout person that loves to win Where did that like it was there an early moment where that was reinforced? That winning is great Gary. No as a matter of fact It was like not even like talk, you know, this is why the 80s were epic and more importantly I'm joking. This is why my mom was epic. It wasn't like she was like you had like there was no talk of that It was just pure DNA. I'm massively competitive. I Like it. I like the game. My brother has it. My dad has it like we're competitive I think it manifests in different people, but it wasn't reinforced it just was like innate and I really like where I have it now at 47, which is like I've learned how to Deal with the fact that I'm not the best at everything. That's what life taught me through the years But I really like trying like I look you know what's one of my favorite scenarios This is gonna really by the way if this resonates with you Please email me at Gary at V friends.com or Gary at VaynerMedia.com because I think this is gonna resonate with a lot of people I Thought about this yesterday on a random thing. I must have saw something on social My favorite thing one of my favorite weird tiny things that I know is gonna resonate with two percent of this audience But please hit me up because I want to get to know you When I'm on a pickup basketball team of random people like friends play pickup basketball five on five college high school your buddies get together When our team gets smoked like 11 3 in the first game the second that 11th point goes in I get so hyped When you get smoked 11 nothing 11 1 as you you know I don't you play pick basketball at all no we play pickup. I know Proper football In basketball and this may resonate in other sports cricket if you're listening in India football around the world When we get smoked where it's very obvious to everybody that four of the five best players are on one team And that's why the score was 11 to one Everyone's natural inkling is to like let's reshoot for new teams mine is This deep excitement to get the other four people together looking at everybody's face and same guys We're fucking like immediately. I'm like we're not fucking shooting for new teams Let's run it back and then huddle and I look at everybody's fucking eyes. I'm like my friends We're gonna win this fucking game because we're gonna out will them even though they are dramatically more talented We're gonna out think them and most importantly we're gonna out will them and when that happens because by the way 70% it doesn't happen the talent is just too great and Unfortunately, we also found somebody on the other side who's talented and has will But the feeling when you know that you are dramatically inferior and you get a group together and you out Accomplish them Predominantly on will with a mix of strategy There's something there that just gets the hairs on the back of my neck up is winning Associated with your own sense of self-esteem Definitely not one of the things that makes me so happy is here's a great indicate I didn't know that until probably for the last five years. This is the truest statement. I will say on this podcast my professional success Has no currency with my heart and soul This is where my life got really fucking crazy You know, you know this you're going through an introspective moment clearly in your late 20s and like it's clear So this is like fun for me to tell you I'm like really in the zone I feel like we're sitting and just like you know having a drink When I realized somewhere about five or six years ago. Oh fuck none of my professional accolades net worth exits followers Awards even things like being on the board of charity water and pencils up like even when I was getting admiration for like when I realized none none of my professional Successes make me think it's a reflection of me or is an indicator for me or is a barometer of self-worth If fucking took I was already flying it took me to the fucking stratosphere my entire Self-worth is wrapped up in the middle of this podcast when I looked at you and said, you know my entire Self-worth is 100% predicated on people knowing the truth of how I've interacted with them What is that matter I Have a deep love for human beings. I love them For example back to being a little transparent. I'm a little weird with animals I have a little bit of a level of resentment towards animals. This is something my inner circle knows You know we joke. I don't hate dogs. I Do hate that humans default into loving dogs with all their heart and don't do that to each other. I Struggle with that. I got so damn lucky Steve. I Came out the womb my mom talks about this a lot You know who I was in the playground at three years old when we first moved to America like immediately running to all the 80 year olds And schmoozing with them you're fucking four You didn't read Malcolm fucking Gladwell. You didn't listen to Gary beat you're fucking four I'm fucking four years old and I'm going out with my jesus casha my grandfather Shaya And I'm fucking gabbing it up with the 82 year olds and like Desperly trying to make them laugh and smile because a lot of them came from Russia and were sourpushed in the last stage of their life America was fucked up when we all got here. It was a real recession in the Carter years Queens was fucking Queens back then not like it is not like it was fucking and like I had a deep need to make these 85 year old smile for a second because they weren't smiling the rest of the day It's who the fuck I am Whenever I've observed you especially in the pre-pandemic times where you were flying all over the world and talking in every corner of the world You were on some other shit. Yeah, and I was to somebody to remember I lived in New York, but I was traveling for 50 weeks a year Yeah, but you were on some like other other shit I was looking at you thinking fuck that's the only guy that's how it worked in me Yeah, and I'm thinking this dude has a family. Yes. I was a single dude living in a studio apartment And you know I get that but you said so the question which I'm sure you've had level at you and ever again is What's the cost there? There's cost there's cost to everything but one thing I did extremely well was And I still do this well Is I over communicate things that I think bring value to people and I don't communicate things that I don't think bring value to people or Things that are important to me that can be owned behind the door instead of in front of the door So I think people would be really stunned by how much family time and personal time I have do you have regrets? of course What kind of regrets you have?
Your regrets (01:08:31)
You know You know There's certain things that I'm not ready to talk about But I think people are I'm too public of a figure to people know there's things that have happened in my life more recently and things that nature So of course I have regrets. I've I also have regrets that I think will really help people which is that I am ready to talk about which is No bullshit My should have went to a couple more high school parties No bullshit. I shouldn't have come home every weekend when I was in college and worked in the liquor store I should have Did a keg standard to hear no bullshit like I should have taken more Vacations in my 20s with my buddies, you know like like I should have had a little more fun The truth is I'll tell you why that was all hard for me to say They're micro micro micro micro micro micro micro regrets these are like Yeah, they mean like these I have nothing in my body including some of the stuff. I'm not ready to talk about that's like fuck You know like I'm in pain over this They're just like little micro regrets and I answer this because I want people to see a clear picture on the other side Like if this was mean you actually having a drink the answer might have been no The only reason I think I just said yes is because I think it's important for people to know like nobody's like I'm just scared that I'm so happy that it seems almost like bullshit But it's just kind of true because I always go to the same place The the I'll give you an example. I think real regret is only grounded in a very small circle of the people you love I really do and I've put the fucking Work in on the family side. It's funny actually that was a really interesting segue The fact that I can say to you know because I put in so much deposits on the family side That actually I'll give you a good one. I've got a brewing regret My best friend in the world is branded more Nicky I met him the first day of freshman year of high school Within the first six months of like this guy's gonna work with me. We did baseball card shows together I knew I was gonna build my dad's business by then I wanted him I fucking courted him to be in that business from sophomore year on and He became my partner in crime along with Bobby Shiffrin my second cousin and my dad and we built Wine Library Lately I've been feeling that we have not had enough friend time one-on-one As we start going and starting to see 50 and it's something I really want to work on I Am I asked this for very as if the cameras weren't here and the microphones weren't here. I I'm earlier. I'm 30 years old Yeah, and I want to know the advice from you someone that I consider to be a mentor and a friend you're an investor in one of my companies as well On that as it relates to that family in that personal piece what I might get wrong Because I don't think I don't think there's wrong. I think somebody watching me might say you're doing this wrong I might watch you and say you're doing this wrong I gave some advice to a friend of mine Ryan Harwood in a pool in Miami a couple of years ago that I feel great about I Checked in once in the last three years curious if he was doing it. I'm positive. I'm right, but I'm not right because what's so interesting about being We're all unique, but I have a sense of like how I roll the amount of things that people have observed Including my mom who's the singular person that knows me best. We share 83% DNA. That's obviously a subjective number, but like I'm trying to paint a picture of how similar we are even she is Remarkable and she is the I am so intuitive because of her but earlier to this podcast when I'm like I get wrong all time Nobody has the ability to be more right about me than my mom and she's wrong about things she has been wrong She's been proven wrong and so what that did for me in the way, you know, I put my mom at the highest pedestal is oh Me judging Dustin or Steve like like I'm gonna be wrong all the time. I know nothing about them. So what you need to know is yourself What you need to know is yourself For me regrets are completely grounded and did I spend enough time with the people I love did you I? believe that above me I absolutely have That my parents today could go and I used to be skittin both my parents my dad losses data 15 I already told you about my mom. I lived in fear You know actually we didn't get on that that one that one is Something I wish I popped up 20 minutes ago in this podcast The fear of my parents dying because both they of them had a parent die at a young age was a profound currency in my life in my first 15 years profound and So I think because I'm on the other side of it There's such highly levels of gratitude that I got to keep them that I'm like pumped about it And I can tell you today as a 47 year old man. My parents are young. I expect another good 20 years minimum Hopefully 30 there are like in their late 60s, right? I'm looking for 30 But if God forbid I won that game in a way that a lot of people haven't I like was with my mom all the time as a kid I was with my dad 15 to 35 all the time. I've checked that box. I mentioned Brandon I think about other people I love like Bobby Schiff and others that I don't spend enough time with and then of course My kids are so young that I still want to like milk that in a significant way But I'm sitting a hell of a lot more pretty I think than a lot of people because a lot of people have also gotten into weird places with the people they love They fought over money. They fought over an argument They've cut people out of their lives that they actually love but it was their own hurt So I'm incredibly a piece.
Your mother (01:14:15)
I'd like to do more and I think all of us do Five years ago when we had a conversation I asked you what your biggest fear was and you responded with with that exact answer Which was fear of losing your parents. Yes? This profound impact that your mother has had on you has become and my father by the way Yeah, we didn't get there. Yeah, my dad telling me that word is bond. Yeah might be the single piece inside of me That allowed me not to be the bad version that some people think I am the first time I've seen you get emotional recently as it relates to on stage was that moment where you talked about your mother and I I was I was going through I've got these photos here of you as this young man I was going through all of these pictures and I was reading how you've described her especially in recent years This was the my favorite picture here of you you in Russia Yeah, I've never seen you Get emotional on stage before other than when you talked about yeah found influence She's had on you. So if this were God forbid the last day you had on earth to send a message to your mother What exactly would you say? You did it? She just really wanted to be the best other because she didn't have one I would just say she did it What did she do? She made me happen You know I Want to make everybody happy and it's because I'm aware that She did a better job making me happy than anything I've ever seen about anybody in anywhere about anything and I just feel like if I don't do that Given that I was given the gift of GAB If I don't scale that if I don't help every you know The biggest thing I could do for her is scale what she did for me Gary thank you, thank you. I have to you know, I sent you a voice note on your birthday Just telling you communicating to you the influence you've had on my life But I've I'm gonna set your face you create a blueprint Which is an evolving blueprint and I followed the evolution of that blueprint as it's become even more centered on empathy and kindness And how we treat others clearly that comes from this wonderful woman here So I thank her for creating a son that's inspired me so much and guided me There's so much that you've done which I've literally copied and I think it's important to say that to you because sometimes people say it to me I've copied your blueprint and that blueprint has changed my life The thing I wish for you and everybody is I'm incredibly aware of that and the fact that that makes me happy Is the thing I think about every day because it makes so many of our contemporaries unhappy Amen, I really wanted to say that to your face. Well, I had the chance We have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest asks a question for the next guest. I like that. Yeah Interesting I've heard I've heard you talk somewhat about this before What do you want? Your tombstone to read about you He gave more than he took It's very clear to me. It's been there for a long time in my head Listen, I have a lot of dreams and hopes for myself. We need to teach people that's okay. That doesn't make you bad that makes you awesome But if you can balance that with also giving just a little bit more in whatever that means and for me It's communication and perspective. I'll donate plenty of money But that's easy a lot of people do that that are lucky enough to be good enough at that I Gave more than I took I believe in that You've certainly given me much more than you've ever taken so thank you for that guy. I appreciate you And it's an honor to spend some time with you. Thank you Quick word from one of our sponsors I've got a tip for all of you that will make your virtual meeting experiences I think ten times better as some of you may know by now blue jeans by Verizon offers seamless high quality video conferencing But the reason why I use blue jeans versus other video conferencing tools is because of a Martian Their tools make you feel more connected to the employees or customers you're trying to engage with and now they're launching one of their biggest feature enhancements to impact virtual events so far called blue gene studio actually used it the other day I did an a virtual event using the studio which I think about 700 of you came to TV level production quality all done by one person with very little technical experience on a laptop So if you've got an event coming up and you're thinking about doing it virtually check out blue gene studio now Let me know what you think because I genuinely believe I know this is an advert and I'm supposed to say this But I genuinely believe it's the best tool I've seen for doing really immersive simple but high quality production virtual events