How She Built Her Confidence, and Then an Empire with Krissy Cela | E57 | Transcription

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Introduction

Intro (00:00)

Honesty really, really matters. And I think much of the reason why I started this podcast was to give the world the much needed honesty it needs, but often doesn't get. You hear success stories that are glamorized and that are oversimplified, but that's rarely, rarely the case. This week's guest will give you exactly that. Raw unfiltered honesty, like you've never heard it before. And in some points, honesty that might make you a little bit uncomfortable. It made her uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable. This week I'm joined by Chrissy Chella. She's an unbelievable, and in my opinion, heavily underrated entrepreneur, running multiple multi-million pound businesses. She's one of the UK's number one fitness creators, athletes, whatever you want to call her. She's an author. Her book is coming out in January. She has a remarkable story. One that starts from very, very humble beginnings. As an immigrant, that was bullied on the playground in the UK. And what you'll find out about her is inspiring. It's captivating. It's real. One of the most amazing conversations I've ever had on this podcast, and I'm so glad that we can bring you her story in this way told with total honesty. Without further adieu, I'm Stephen Bartlett, and this is the Diaries CEO. I hope nobody is listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself. As I did a little bit of research on you, and I got to sort of uncover your story, and I got to stalk you a little bit on social media, the more and more that I observed, and sort of looked past your Instagram feed, the more I saw a pretty remarkable entrepreneur and business person. And one of the thoughts that came to my mind, and this podcast is all about speaking of truth, and being honest was this question, which is, do you think that you get the credit you deserve? - As an entrepreneur. - That's the question.

Personal Challenges And Growth

Justifying myself as a woman (02:03)

- It's not about me. I haven't built a community about me. I've built a community about helping other women. And I think that it's never fully been about me, and the credit that I get is seeing other women thrive. and succeed, and come together. And that for me is enough credit. I don't need an award, I don't need someone to say, oh my God, you're the best business woman in the world. For me, when I see, or when I read another woman's story, that for me is enough. I don't need anything else. So yeah, I do. - So, 'cause I was watching some of your stories on Instagram, and you run an office, right? For people, you run multiple businesses, right? And I typically think that people are very, very quick to arrive at judgment when they see a pretty young lady who's worked out on Instagram, who has a big following. And this is just being completely honest. They tend to come to judgments very quickly. - A conclusion. - A conclusion, yeah. And that conclusion and that narrative, or that image that they form of that person, I've come to learn is usually severely wrong. - 100%. - It is. And it's funny you say that, 'cause I've also been on multiple dates with people. And they see my Instagram following, and they automatically assume that, oh, it's because you get your ass out. That's why you make money. Or it's because you get your ass out, that's why you've built what you've built. And the truth is, if I did that, and if that was the fundamental reason, then I wouldn't have a team of 30 people in one company and build in another company that sells out every time we restock. It goes past being a pretty face or a pretty picture. It goes past being a nice body. It's about the message that you have. It's about what you want to truly, truly put out in the world. And I think if people make that conclusion, it says more about them than it does to me. - How does it make you feel though? And I want you to be really honest here. How does it make you feel? - I think, okay, I'm gonna be completely honest. - I think it's one thing to be judged and it's another thing to be judged as a woman. Okay, so why is it that when you see a handsome man, you don't come to conclusion that he only got what he got because he's handsome? Why is it as a woman I have to justify myself more. I have to explain myself more all the time. It's draining. I shouldn't have to explain myself. My face, my body, all of this stuff, it's just external, you know? And I think that, can I swear on this? - Of course you can. - Oh God, I like it. - I don't have the time. - I swear on my YouTube all the time, some people get offended and I'm like, listen, this is who I am. - Listen to something else. - Yeah, no, it pisses me off. It pisses me off, but at the same time, it's like, it feeds me. - Right. - You know, it feeds me, like, piss me off even more because that's how I thrive. You say into me, I can't do something. You say into me that I only got there because of this and that. It pushes me more to achieve more. And yeah, I mean, it's their problem, not mine, I guess. - There's a lot of, you know, let's just, for a second, imagine that that judgment of you was correct and that you'd got here because you were pretty or whatever or you have a great physique or whatever it was. What would they be missing? What is the truth? Why did you get here? Because there are lots of very pretty people out there, right? - Yeah. - But for some reason, you made it here. And I've seen your businesses, I've looked into them. You have pretty phenomenal businesses and you're running big teams of people in big offices. So like, there's two kind of thoughts to this, but I think the central question that I'm trying to get answer for myself is what is it about Chrissy that differentiated you, your approach, your message and the way that you connect with people from all of these other people that are trying to do what you're doing? - I think in all honesty, if I'm answering that question from a personal perspective, I've always been 100% honest and transparent with who I am. You're not gonna find a hidden secret or some nasty surprise, like, this is who I am. You literally either take it or you leave it. And I'm not going to try and be anything else to fit in for anybody else, you know? And for me, when I started my finished journey, when I, you know, moved countries to England, I never felt like I had a sense of home. I never felt like anybody understood me. So to be blessed with a platform where I can build a community and bring women together globally, you know, this goes beyond me. This is about bringing women together that have been abused, that have had, you know, mental disorders, eating disorders, such bad things you couldn't even imagine what women have gone through and have told me, to bring them all together and to create this tribe, you know, that for me is like, I think that's what people see. - Yeah. - And I think that's what people believe I want to do because I genuinely do want to do that. And... - You know, one of the things that, sorry to interrupt that, but I really wanted to, one of the things you said was about you being yourself. And I asked you that question, actually with a bit of a preconceived idea of what the answer would be. And when I watch you on Instagram, the feel that I get from you versus pretty much everybody else, other than one other person, I've got to be honest, and he sat in this chair and he's actually coming back, is Joix. Like when I met Joix, he is the guy you meet off air or whatever, is the same guy. And he's so fucking genuine. And all he cares about is like genuinely helping people. But the reason, I said to Joix, I think the reason you're so successful is because you are yourself. - Yeah. - And you will share it all. And when I was watching you on Instagram and watching some of your videos, you cater to the 99% of people's lives, which is the real shit. - Yeah. - I saw your video this week, you did it on your story, waking up and you're saying, "Listen, I don't want to wake up today." And most people don't admit that because, you know, a lack of perfection is sometimes perceived as weakness. So I wondered how that resonated with you in terms of the importance of your success originating from Chrissy being her true herself. - Yeah, you're, you can only be the best version of yourself, right? And I think if you start trying to be something else soon enough, it will come out. Or you'll start to fall through the cracks or it will slip, something will slip. And you can only uphold that image and, you know, that presence for so long before it really just fucks up. So the only thing you can do is be the best version of yourself. And this is what I tell people all the time. It's never been about other people's perceptions of you. It's always been what you think about yourself. And if you truly, truly believe in yourself, you won't want to be anybody else. You won't want to be fake. You wouldn't want to be trying to please everyone. My job isn't to please everyone. - Were you always at that point? - No. - Tell me about that. - Oh my God, no, I mean, I remember when I was in a relationship, I was 16 years old, I was like, I don't want to marry this person. - So in love? Like, this is it. And then he cheated on me. And I was like, oh, shit, this is not it. - What's his name? - No. He does not deserve the airtime. I'll tell you that much. But I was heartbroken and I was trying so hard to please this person. You know, I was trying so hard even in school. I know it sounds petty, but I was trying so hard to fit in all the time. All the time. I remember like this is so, this is not cute on my end. I'm gonna be honest with you. I remember being in school and I'm foreign, okay? Like I'm Mediterranean, we're hairy, okay? And I had a, no, I had a massage and the girls used to rip me for it. And I was so sad. I was like, oh my God, why? And why not like these pretty English girls? Like I don't understand. Like I used to feel so shitty about myself. Can't see trying to like fit in. And then when I got cheated on, I was like, oh my God, it must be 'cause I'm not pretty enough. It must be 'cause I'm not sexy enough. Fuck that. That's draining. What do you mean I can't see how to be something else for someone else? I'm never gonna be happy. And I wasn't happy for such a long time. So yeah, I just fully like exposed my massage story there. - That's fine. So let's take us from mustache to self-confidence. What was that journey and what changed your self-esteem and your self-confidence? What helped you get that confidence in yourself? - I think for me it was. - Can we just, I think that should be the podcast title, Master? - No, no, seriously, even Sarah doesn't know that. I used to have a, no, guys, I'm gonna be honest with you, okay? Like I don't give a fuck. I had a massage growing up, okay? And all the girls used to rip me the fuck up. They said, you're like, ew, you're a man, you're a boy. Like, honestly, bitchy shit, man. And I ate my school dinner for six months in a toilet. 'Cause I didn't have any friends. - Do you think that experience is part of the reason you are who you are today? - 100%. Like, honestly, it's pretty impossible to break me.

Building my confidence with the gym (11:41)

And when you've broken me, understand that you've really like broken me down. 'Cause it takes a lot now. - Was that, we talk about the mustache thing as if it was this kind of trivial thing. But I'm guessing what you're saying is you were bullied in the school. - Yeah, but at the same time, it's not like I was constantly bullied. Like, I think, I don't know, a lot of us go through awkward stages in school, trying to make friends, trying to be with a cool gang, trying to do this, trying to do that. Then you almost become like mean as well, because you're so hurt by everybody else that you only, yeah. So I think, you know, like, I remember walking into sixth form one time and a lot of personal things, happened in my life and no one wanted to be around me at that point. And I just hated everyone around me. And I was full of anger, constant anger and hate. You know, and I didn't wanna be that person anymore, especially after being cheated, and I didn't wanna be that person anymore. And I remember being on the train one day, 'cause I used to work in Potters Bar at the time in this little men's boutique, like retail shop, when I was coming back home. And I remember like the penny dropped, and I was like, I can try so hard to be sexy and cool, and all this stuff, other people, but I'm not doing anything for myself. And that's where the quote, "Do this for you" comes from. Because I signed up to the gym that day, and then I walked straight back out and didn't go back for two months, and I'm not gonna be looking like you. I signed up and I was like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, I know it's the, signed up, didn't come back for two months, I was like, I'm not that shit, I'm going back, I don't know what to do. - Why didn't you go? - 'Cause I was scared, I was like, who do you think you are, Chrissy? Try to be like a fitness girl, you don't know what you're doing. You know, this was like six years ago? You don't know what you're doing. Go back home, relax. All right, relax, chill, go to work, study, relax. - At some point you must've changed your mind. - Yeah, I did, I did. - It did, it did. - I did, and I was like, okay, no, I need to do this. Like, what am I doing? I'm so lethargic, I'm tired all the time. I'm not strong, I was never like overweight or underweight, I was just tired all the time and drained, especially mentally. So when I got into the gym, I remember looking at the leg press machine and I was like, what is this transformer? I don't know what the fuck to do with this machine. And everybody else around me seemed to kind of know what to do. And then there was like men there and the women were on the cardio machines and the men were at the weights. I didn't care about the cardio machine, I was so intrigued by the weights. I was like, why do men go there? What is there about men that go there and women go there? I wanna go there. And I don't know how to use weights, I don't know what I was doing, I was training, I didn't have anything, like no one was on Instagram at the time, no one was teaching the way, social media has literally opened up a book full of information and free content. And I didn't have that at the time I started, you know? I didn't know what I was doing. - So how did you learn? - I learned. - I just learned, I just was like, you know what, I'm just gonna do this. And I kind of got addicted to the feeling of how completing a workout made me feel. And I started going again and again and I started learning because-- - What was it doing for you going? - It was giving me my therapy. - Therapy from what? - From life, from my reality, from the fact that I was so depressed with who I was and so angry at the world. And everything the world had done to me. And the only time I felt like I could escape was at the gym, which is so crazy. 'Cause the gym is like a chore for people, 'cause I've got a fucking train today. But I went there and I escaped. It was therapy. And no one could take that feeling away from me. Not an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me, not a mean girl at school, not a horrible boss, no one. - Isn't it funny that so much of, you know, when you speak to people that have achieved great things, it all seems to have been sparked by like an earlier catalyst of being bullied or feeling insecure or inadequate in some way. I see the same in myself. The reason why I am successful without a shadow of a doubt is because the feeling of being broke and being inadequate in the area that I lived in and having all the windows on my house smashed for a decade and the grass being six foot high and living around all of these white people, zero black people at my school, other than my brother and my other brother. That feeling of inadequacy put pressure on me for like 15, 16 years. And so my obsession, as I wrote in my diary 18, was I'm gonna have a million pounds before I'm 25 and I'm gonna have a Range Rover's gonna be my first car, right? Can't even drive. - Yeah, it's so funny. I did the same. - Right. - I swear and it's so funny you say it was the only black man in your school 'cause I was the only foreign girl online. - I was trying to contend with this whole idea of having Carly Harris. Like I started relaxing it when I was 12, so it'd be straight. And I look back and I think if I hadn't have gone through that in the way that I had. - You wouldn't be where you were today. - Not a fucking shadow of a doubt. And it's like that pressure releases at some point in different ways. - 100% - I could have ended up in prison. - Yeah. - My best friend said to me at 18, he said, "Steve, and I remember where I stood when he said it." He said, "You're either gonna be a millionaire "or you're gonna be in prison." And it hit me like a ton of bricks 'cause he was telling the truth. I cared so much about escaping from that pressure and from that life that it was gonna channel itself into something. So tell me about your diary. What did you write in your diary? Oh God, I remember it's so funny, right? I remember I wrote down and I will never, ever forget I wrote down. I'm gonna be someone one day. I wrote that down. And then I remember you have blackberries. - Yeah. - All right. Back in the day. And I used to write in my blackberry and I just believed it. And anyway, when I went to the gym and kind of figured it out along the way, I fell in love with someone at the gym. Like I was going, he's now my ex-fiancé, by the way, everyone. We're no longer together. But he is a very important person in this story because when I met him, I was at rock bottom, but I was also trying to find my feet and I was becoming more confident in myself. And that confidence did grow and attract the person that I was supposed to be with at the time, right? 'Cause I do believe your vibe and energy attract the people that you have around you, right? And I remember he was driving me to work one day 'cause I was waitressing. And I looked at him and I said, "I don't know why," I started Instagram at this point, had like 50,000 followers. I started Instagram, in all honesty, I started it just to see how I look doing exercises and Hollywood record me. And I was like, "I'm gonna break my back, "I don't know what I'm doing." And I had to fix my form, but somehow people started loving it. And anyway, he was driving me to work and I go, "Jack, I don't know why, but I feel like "we're gonna achieve something by helping women." And Joey said to me, "Here's yeah, whatever, man. "Get to work, I'll come pick you up." I was like, "No, I feel it." And I started crying, crying, streams of tears. He was like, "What's wrong with you?" I was like, "No, I believe it. "I don't know what it is, this feeling I can't explain." Never had that feeling before. And here we are today. - What do you think that feeling was? - Belief. - Where did that belief come from? - Me. I just believed in me so much that no one, not even the person I was with could sway me another way. And I do think a lot of that comes from persevering in the gym and growing that discipline. - And growing evidence, right? - Yeah. - But you could, right? - Yeah, 'cause when you start doing something good for yourself, training was good for me, right? You start to build these disciplines and habits and consistencies and they transfer in other aspects of your life. It's like a domino effect. - Yeah. - So I started becoming more disciplined at university. I didn't need 10 cans of red ball to stay awake. I was focused. I would excel all the time. And it wasn't 'cause I put in extra hours, it was because I was so hyper focused where I was with who I was, I was present. And if it wasn't for the gym, I wouldn't be able to have done that. - So you're ex-fluency, Jack. - Do you think you would have met him had you not built the confidence within yourself or started to build the confidence within yourself that the gym had given you? Do you think you would have been ready, quote unquote, to have that relationship with him at that time if you were the old Chrissy? - No. And if I did, if I was with someone at the time, I wasn't so confident it would have been the wrong person. 'Cause you attract the energy that you have. You attract what you believe in yourself. If you're constantly negative about yourself, if you're constantly just trying to make yourself believe you're just not worthy, you're always gonna attract that. And don't get me wrong, there was like dates in between Jack. Obviously when I wasn't with him, by the way. - I mean, no, I mean, like after the guy that cheated on me, I had like went through a phase, I went through dating and it's always the wrong guy, it was the wrong guy. And then it was, I realized it's because I'm trying to find happiness in other people. Constantly trying to find happiness in other people. And then when I started focusing myself, he came along. - You know, a lot of women when they're in the situation where they're lacking confidence or self-worth or they're feeling like something is missing, well, and this isn't just women, this is people. - None as well. - Yeah, right? They'll think that the answer is a romantic solution. - Yeah. - Right? Is it? - No, it's not. I've been there, I've done that. And obviously I'm speaking from personal experience. You could find someone that really helps you. You know, you could genuinely find someone who inspires you, motivates you, pushes you. And that's so remarkable. And if you do find that person, don't let them go, you know? But unfortunately, if you have so much self-hatred, you are never gonna be satisfied in the relationship that you are in because you constantly have to find that person to give you that happiness. You can't see waiting for that person to do something for you. - It's a unstable, right? It's like, - It's unstable. - And it's a lot of dependency. And I think that the most important relationship you're ever gonna have is gonna be with yourself. 'Cause when you go to bed at night and you're in your own little thoughts up here, right? That's you and you. That's you and you. So you gotta fix that up here first before you go trying to find a person to share your life with, you know? - And, you know, so you end up, you know, Jack ends up proposing. - Yeah. - You build a business together, which is a topic in and of itself, which you're still working together with him now. - Yeah. - And then at some point you did both decide, in a very, you know, I've listened to your story, so you decide in a very amicable, mature way that this situation isn't making both of you right. - Happy. - Yeah. - And there was a sentence you said where you said, "You and Jack grew apart," which I found quite curious. And I find it curious because on this podcast, we've been talking a lot about monogamy, for whatever reason. And this idea, and in fact, the last guest we had on Dr. Aria, who people have been really, really blown away about, he was cheated on by his partner, you know, and he found out in a really horrific way that she was pregnant with another man's baby. - Yeah, I listened to that. - Okay, and so on that sentence about growing apart, this makes me ask you the same question about monogamy. If it's possible for you to meet someone and grow apart, you know, especially, you know, 'cause everybody's growing in some way, what are your thoughts on monogamy? Having been almost to the altar with someone, what are your thoughts on monogamy and?

Growing Apart from my ex (24:36)

- I, can I be honest? - I mean, please. You never have to ask permission again, to be honest. - I've never said this ever, and I'm a little bit nervous to say this, but I, when I was with Jack, I thought that that was my person, and I genuinely felt it in my heart, in my soul, I never questioned it once, right? And we grew apart, and that's because a lot of people don't know what was going on behind the scenes. Last year, when I launched "Tone of Scott" with Jack, we had a lawsuit against us, you know? No one really knew about that. You know, 50 grand in lawsuits, trying to get our app that we built, just to be ours, and then build it from the ground up. That's why we had to refurbish and relaunch the programs, because everything is now built home-grown in our offices, - With your technology. - With our technology, right? And do you know how much pressure that adds to a relationship? - I can't imagine. - And you're going home, and you're like, "What do you mean you didn't do this? "What do you mean you didn't do that? "Hating each other, resenting each other, "because you think they're to blame." He thinks you're to blame. I think he's to blame, right? And it's going to take a very, very special person to fit into the shoes that Jack left, you know? He is such an incredible man. In every aspect works hard, is caring, is loving, is ambitious, is everything a woman would want in a man? Unfortunately, we grew apart. And it is unfortunate, because I genuinely loved him and still do love him unconditionally. I'd give him my kidney if he needed it. And it would take someone very, very special and confident to fill that space up, and I'm not going to hold my breath. Does that make sense? I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm going to, you know, let's just see where it goes. - You think it's possible? - I think it's possible. I think anything's possible. I just think that it's going to take someone with a hell of a lot of confidence in someone that understands that I don't need anything else, but effort and time from them. I don't need your money. I don't need your gifts. I don't need... - So you're saying you think that Jack's shoes will be difficult to fill? And it's almost like you're setting his shoes as the standard of what you're looking for in the future. So it kind of begs the question, well, you've got two feet that fit those shoes perfectly. Jack's. So why isn't he filling those shoes? - I think if anyone turns around and says to you that I work with my partner and we run a company of 30 people and hundreds and thousands of subscribers and, you know, an ever growing company. And we're so in love. I really, actually, will look at them and be like, how did you make that happen? Working and being romantically involved with someone is difficult because let me tell you something. When you come home from work, you're coming home from work with the same person. What do you think you're going to speak about when you get home? - Work. - Work. - What do you think you're going to speak about? After you have sex? - The sex. - Work. - Work. - Yeah. - I'm being honest, like, you live and you breathe your company. Jack is an entrepreneur in himself. Jack is a co-founder. Jack built this with me, right? - Yeah. - So if I'm going through all those things as an entrepreneur, as a co-founder, he is as well. - I don't know if you're answering the question, Chrissy. - But I am answering the question. It doesn't work. - It doesn't work because you work together. - Yes, it doesn't work. - And if you work together? - It would have probably worked. I absolutely don't regret ending it. I've learned more about myself in the year and a half of parting ways with Jack than I did in five years of being with him. Facts. I don't regret ending it. Would I feel some type of way if he was with someone else? You'd be absolutely lying to yourself if you said no. Come on, mate. Like, we, we, buddy was about to get married. We own a company together. Of course you'd feel some type of way, but would I be jealous? No. Would I be happy if he was happy? Hell yeah. I would because he's happiness makes me happy. Is in the future a possibility of me being with him again? I don't know. How can I, how can you possibly answer that question when the possibility of me parting ways with him five years ago was not even a vision? I can't answer that question, but if he was to find someone and be truly happy and in love and she was a good egg, I'd be happy. - And it's possible to be happy for someone, but also for it to suck at the same time? - 100%. But that's only because you just feel some type of way, but deep down you just want them to be happy. I think he will find someone. I think he's gonna find someone who's really genuine. Why are you smiling? - I wasn't smiling. - You're smiling. - No, I wasn't smiling. I think you were smiling. I think you felt some type of way by saying that. - No, I really do. I swear. Bloody hell, I've been honest enough now, till now, till like live, but, but when he does, right, when he does, which he will, I just want one thing from that girl, if you're listening out there to Jack's future wife, I just don't want her to sway, he's a mind on our business. Does that make sense? - Yeah. - Oh, leave Tony's scopes, you don't need it anymore. That's horrible, like don't interfere. Don't need to get involved, love, right? - Ooh, look at you. - But it's true. - I'm sorry, but when I'm with a guy, if he starts telling me what to do with my company, or if he starts telling me, or it's me or Jack, I'd be like, get a grip. It's Jack. If you give me an ultimatum, I don't want to be with you. - You know what, so I was thinking about this earlier, and I've got some friends. I wouldn't call them necessarily friends, but people that I know personally, and they would hate, because they're so insecure as men, they would hate the idea of dating someone as self-made and successful as you. And it's a certain type of insecure man. - I'm laughing 'cause I already know. What have you been there? - Really? - Yeah. - Certain type of insecure man that really is seeking to control, that would not like a Chrissy, because you can't be controlled. You can't be controlled through gifts, through X, Y, Z. And you've been there. - Yeah, I've been there, I've done that. Like, you know, I remember one time. - Go for it. - Sarah was like, "Yeah!" Sarah was my PhD, she's like, "Yeah, open up." But I remember one time when I was speaking to this guy, you know, after Jack, and I was going to a lathe. This was one of the biggest photoshoots for Tony and Scott. This was, you know, to refurbish the entire app and everything, like brand new look, brand new everything. So much money went into this. I think nearly 90 grand in production. That's a lot of money. - Shit ton of money. - Shit ton of money. - I can't wait to have some of that. - Yeah, I mean, I can put down two mortgages for that. So as you can see, like, but when we do things, we do things right at Tony and Scott, and that's facts. So I remember he sat down, he was like, I don't know, I just feel a bit, "You going?" What do you mean? "What do you think I'm gonna do?" Go and, - Go and, you know, go crazy with other men in LA. I'm going to work. Oh, I don't know, I don't know, really insecure. And I found myself thinking it was me. I was like, "Wait a minute." And then I sat back and I was like, "No, that's you. "You're insecure." - That's a you problem. - That's not my problem. I went to LA, had the best time ever with my team. We had the most incredible time. You know, met the most incredible people, came back, the most incredible campaign, and I felt good. But had I let that man sway me, maybe I may have been a bit vulnerable at the time, and let's say he did sway me, "What if I changed my mind and didn't go? "That could have happened." - Was he intimidated by you and your success, do you think? - At the beginning, yeah, 100%. Let's be honest, I'm 26. I was still 24. I'm 26 years old. - And you are killing the game. I'll say it 'cause I know you're too humble. - No, I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - I said it's fine. - You say whatever you want, but it's not even that. When you're 26 years old and maybe you have a few things, people start to obviously feel a bit like, you know what I think it was? People start to feel like they should have things. - Can I say something? When you talk about your success. - I get awkward, don't I? - You're super awkward. And can I just say an observation?

I hate talk about my success (34:01)

And I think this is a society problem, not you problem. Men aren't like that. - No, they're not. - Men love coming up on here and saying how much money they're making and how much they're killing it and how many X, Y and Z they've achieved. You don't seem to be as comfortable talking about your success. And I feel like that's a reflection of the society we live in. - Honestly, it's not even that. It's me, I'm very awkward with stuff like that. Like, can I be honest, I don't even check my bank accounts. I let my account and deal with it. I don't, I think for me I stay so tunnel vision in the vision. So I wake up in the morning. The first thing I do is check my mentions and DMs and go on my community pages in that forum. That's literally the first thing I do. And if I start thinking about how am I gonna make a billion, how am I gonna do this, how am I gonna do that? I don't know, it becomes a bit suffocating to the vision that you have. And I was really number driven that the beginning, not financially, but on Instagram. - Followers and words. - Followers, the more followers it means I'm amazing. The more likes it means I'm fit enough to be here. You know, and I got so obsessed, I used to almost like not think I was good enough unless I got a certain amount of likes or followers. And I completely lost sight of why I'm doing what I'm doing. You know now I don't even check the likes I get. I don't even check the, my statistics, my team do. I don't check it 'cause I don't care. What I care about is that comment that a lady saying to me, oh my God, this has helped me so much. This has made me so confident. That feeds my energy. If I start thinking, how am I gonna get 100 million? How am I gonna do this? That will come. I'm confident it will come, but it's not my fundamental, you know. - And it's gonna come where you're focusing on something else. - Yeah, I'm focusing on something else. And it's not that society has made me feel uncomfortable to talk about my success. It's that I've, you can speak to any of my team. Like I just don't care about it. Can I be honest with you? Like I am not thriving to, I don't know, I'm not, I'm not thriving to have the biggest house or the fanciest car. I mean, I even said to you, like I don't have a fancy car, a fancy house by the way. And you were like, I don't care. You know, like I don't really care about stuff like that. I never have been like that. And it's not that I'm trying to be humble. It's like I literally don't give a shit. I don't care about a fancy car. Never have done. - On the things that you do care about, you talked about these comments and these DMs you get. I imagine, you know, 'cause I get a couple DMs as well. - You get a lot, not a couple, you get a lot. - And how does it feel to have that sort of responsibility when someone messages you something, so deeply personal and they're seeking advice or guidance or they're just sharing a problem with you? How does that feel in terms of? - Well, how does it make you feel? - When someone messages. - 'Cause you don't want to say. - Because I'm not qualified to deal with certain situations, but at the same time, the contradiction with me is like, - You're giving that advice. - I just want to say something. And I just want to acknowledge the person. But I know I can't solve, and it would be almost irresponsible for me to try and solve their problem. - 100%. - If someone is. - You're not there to fix someone's problems. - Yeah, but I think the value that I can bring is just by like listening and acknowledging. But you know, there's a spectrum, right? So you have the, on one end, I love what you do. On the other end, you have people that are suicidal or that are, you know, and it's, sometimes it's a lot. I had this one video go viral, 30 million views, and it was about depression. And I got 8,000 DMs that week from people on that spectrum. And I just didn't know what to do. I was like, 'cause when you read them, some people are really, really suffering. And they've come to me because clearly, in some cases, one girl that said she'd barricaded herself in a room in Egypt, and she was on the verge of suicide. Like, she didn't feel like she could speak to anyone else. And sometimes a stranger is the most safe place to, you know. How does it feel for you? - That has kind of made me emotional. - No, it did. - The fact I remembered that instantly, this girl barricaded in a room in Egypt, who'd watched this video and it reached out to me for me to give her the answers she's looking for in her life, which I'm not qualified to give, right? All I can do is be a friend in that situation. But I'm sure you get messages that are, you know. - Yeah, I get messages every day, thousands. And so there's two things that I've started to do. One of the biggest teams we have at Tone & Sculpt is the customer support team, right? And by the way, this isn't because we get inflexes of emails. It's because we have a person for each social, Facebook community manager, Instagram, all of this stuff. And the reason being is we don't need them, it's because I want every single person to be heard. And what you just said there is exactly what I think as well. You wanna be a friend. I call my community familia. I always use that word. I always say, you're my sisters, you're my familia. Because at the end of the day, I'm not here to fix your problems, but I'm here to listen to your problems. I'm here to be the friend that you may think you don't have in your reality. You can't fix someone's problems. You can't offer mental health advice, because if you say something wrong, God forbid anything happened. But you can listen, you can make someone feel like they're part of something. And that's the best thing I can do, you know? - Yeah, and I was thinking then as well about the previous topic we had. And I rarely switch back. But before you came here today, there was a question I actually wanted to ask you about. - Oh, yeah, okay. - I only ask questions because I am curious myself. - Sure. - And I'm trying to find, I think the reason I ask these questions is I'm trying to find similarities in some way between a personal, your journey and a personal mind. The question is, are you hard to date? Today was one of those days in my life where I'm filming this podcast with Chrissy. I've got a ton of things going on. I've got tons and tons of emails. I'm sprinting around. And like usual in my crazy, crazy world, I am neglecting my nutrition. Something that I have done for probably the last decade. And this is why he'll sponsor this podcast and why I've been a heel customer for about three years and why when I was looking for a partner to work with on this podcast, he was the company that came to mind. It's a company that helped me with my nutrition and for me to stay sort of nutritionally complete as is heel itself, despite the fact that I have a crazy, crazy, unpredictable, unforgiving schedule. And I love it. And it's such a pleasure to get to have a podcast and to have a partner in Heul and in Julian, who is the founder and CEO where I can talk about it and the benefits it gives to me in such an authentic way. If you've not tried Heul and you are someone that frequently neglects your diet whether it's through busyness, whether you forget to have meals because of whatever's going on in your life, I implore you just to try it, just to check it out. And Heul comes in many different shapes and sizes. There's the powder, they've got like the savory meals now and they have the bottles. And for me, I've always loved the bottles. So it's yeah, it's a pleasure that Heul's sponsored this podcast and supported us in this mission. And they're the reason that we're gonna be scaling this podcast up big time. I was just chatting to some of the production crew that worked with me and Jack and Dom. And I was saying that now we have a partner with the podcast, we can really take this up a level. You've seen me take it up one level this season already. We're gonna take it up even further. And that's sometimes a production, in terms of the guests, in terms of what we can invest into this piece of content. So thank you to Heul, check it out, try the chocolate flavor. Let me know what you think if you are a Heul again, right? And I appreciate you listening. Back to the podcast. The question is, are you hard to date? Oh shit, yeah, I think so.

Are you hard to date (42:12)

I think I am, I'm not gonna lie. Like, okay, so here's the thing, right? I'm super loving. When I'm with you, I'll do anything for you. Like I'll look after you, I'll make you feel special. - It's gonna be like, but if you back it go. - But no, no, no, like honestly, like even, I can honestly say like even Sarah and my PA will tell you like, I fall hard in love, right? Yeah, I head over heels for someone. I'll fall so hard for you. But I also fall so hard out of love for you. - Oh shit. - That's the issue with me. And that's facts. And I hate that about myself so much. It's the one thing I hate the most about myself. I'm a switch. You do something to annoy me, or you do something to kind of like, it's bad, it's not healthy. Like I, people think I'm superwoman. I've got my own problems this, like I want my own issues. I fall so in love with someone. And then if I don't see that same level of love back, I'm like, fuck this shit. - Self-defense? - Yeah, I do think in relationships, I'm really, I'm really defensive. And you know what, I can't believe I'm admitting all this, but yeah, I would say I am. And I think that-- What are you defending yourself from? - I don't know, okay, why are you hard today? - Yeah. - Okay, so are you defensive? - Chrissy, this is all about your diary. Well, come to me. - No. - I wanna know what you're defending yourself from. 'Cause you literally said, if I don't get the same type of love back. - Okay, okay, okay, okay. So you're obviously very motivated. You're very inspired. You're very like driven, right? - Thanks. - You're welcome. I'm the same, like I just wanna keep going. I wanna grind, I wanna grind. So if I see someone kinda just not doing the same, infuriates me, like I'm almost like, how can you not have passion for something? How can you not have a drive for something? And then it leads me to believe that, hold on a minute, if I did have the same person that had the same level of drive, would we be compatible? Maybe I do need someone a little bit more like low-key, 'cause then it will make me feel a bit calmer when I'm home. It's all over the gap. I don't know what I want. Women don't know what they want. Stop asking women what we want. We don't know what we want. We don't know what we want. But what I can say is, I think sometimes when we overthink things, especially me, I overthink relationships, or the fricking time, I think sometimes it's a good idea to just take a step back and just relax a bit. 'Cause if someone is genuinely there for you, willing to listen, willing to take care of you, and willing to always, always put effort in, stop being a bitch pretty much, you know? Me personally, I'm difficult to say, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I don't even feel bad saying that. I feel quite free saying that. I'm difficult to say. No one said you should feel bad, Rosie. No, I am, and I feel bad for the guy, but... So I really wanna dig into that, because I can really, really relate. And that's why I started laughing, because I've gone over the same predicament in my head, thinking maybe I need someone that's super ambitious, and has loads of passions, and there's a flat checklist, and then I thought, but then maybe they'll drive me crazy, 'cause we're all, you know? And then, so I flip flop, and usually when I'm with one, I think I want the other. - Same. - And then, yeah. And then when I'm with that, I'm like, nope. I mean, yeah. - Same. That's literally me. - Yeah. - I'll like... - Maybe we can figure this out today. - I honestly can't, and I think you know what it is. I think it's 'cause we are people that can't see switched on. - Yeah, like neurotic obsessive. - Obsessive, like, with work, with this, with that. I'm not obsessive in a relationship. Like, if someone tries to tell me what to do with my life, I'd be like, no way. And I couldn't imagine ever trying to tell someone what to do with their life. Like, if you wanna do whatever you do, whatever you wanna do, that's your life. You live it the way you wanna live it. So, because I'm obsessive with my life and my career, I'm constantly switched on. So, if someone around me isn't, I almost feel like, I don't know. Do you know what? - I think they're a bum. - Oh my God, I think that's true. - Yeah. - It's true. - Yes, I know. - It's so true. And then, do you find yourself feel a bit lazy? - Yeah, but also, I'm like, Steve, don't tell them 'cause you're passing your own world of you and your own values onto someone else. - Who doesn't want it? - Yeah, and you shouldn't be trying to change people out here. You accept them. - Oh my God, that is me. I'm literally like, what do you mean you don't want to be ambitious in life? What do you mean you don't have a passion? What do you mean? And I go crazy on my head. And this is happening in my head whilst I'm looking at the meat. Do you know what I mean? - Let's say I'm like, let's say we're at dinner. - I'm having a full on blown conversation in my head like, what do you mean? I'm like, what do you mean you don't want this? And he's just chilling, you know? He's not doing anything wrong. And then I have to literally take a breather and be like, what am I doing? I can't push that on to someone. I can only push that on to myself. I need to chill out. - Connected to this, maybe, maybe not. Your parents, hardworking? - Oh my God, so hardworking. - Came from another country. - Came from another country.

Your parents (47:58)

- Immigrated at the back of a lorry. You know, I immigrated at the back of banana lorry. Yeah. And I remember we landed in France and my family got arrested because we were immigrants and they separated us. So they put me, my mom and my brother in one room, my dad in another room. You could see him through the glass. And I remember crying and crying and crying like, Dad, Dad, Dad, I didn't know what was going on. I was four years old. But I still remember that. I'll never forget the prison room was turquoise. Never forget that. And when we came to this country, my mom and dad worked hard. My mom worked three jobs. My dad worked as a HB1 lorry driver. Every single night, you know, every penny they had, they saved, they saved, they saved. My dad had a pretty bad gambling problem. I'm gonna be honest. My mom was constantly trying to like fix that problem. And I've never actually mentioned that ever before, ever. And as much as I love my dad with my entire heart and I want nothing more but him to be happy, it caused a lot of strain on my mom, like trying to feed her family, trying to like work hard, trying to save, trying to take us on holiday, you know? So to save money and then to have the person you love gambling it away, it's like, what's the point? Like, I don't understand why I'm with this person. But in my culture, you don't leave the man you're with. You're stuck with them. But my mom, even though he was like them, my mom loved and loves my dad so much, it's pretty bizarre, 'cause that would be enough to take anyone off. But she just believed in him. He doesn't do it anymore. Believed in him and nourished him and loved him so much. And together they grew better. So for me, if I have a man and he like places a bet on something, it triggers me to think he's gonna be gambling. And I'm like, I'm gonna go, no, sorry, out. He's put one bet down and I think he's a gambler. Do you know what I mean? It's crazy. - So I asked that question for a reason. - Gone. - Because we've established that we have very much similar traits and relationships that we tend to really value hard work and ambition. And it tends to be the case that the value we attribute to hard work and ambition probably comes from a childhood where hard work and ambition were the thing that might have got us out of some bullshit. Let me take a take from my example, right? So very much the same as yours, but switch the parents. So I came from Africa, I was born in Africa, came to the UK. My dad had a pretty good job, but my mom, you could all call it a gambling addiction. She had this, she has both gambling addiction on one hand 'cause she played, there was probably a thousand lottery tickets. If I opened any drawer in our house, - Wow, okay. - But on the other hand, she couldn't stop starting businesses to the point that the reason why we were so poor, we never had birthdays or Christmases or went on holiday at all ever period, was because my mom spent all the money trying to become a millionaire by starting these businesses. They'd all fail within six months 'cause she can't read or write. And my dad was the unconditionally loving, calm, supportive, won't leave you even though you're an absolute asshole parent, right? - So is one. - Yeah, so in my house, I think when I think about why I am the way I am now, I think money was such a big problem that in our house, it was the cause of so much pain. - Same. - That I grew up valuing it so much and the thing that would get you it, which to me would be like, you know, what I thought was happiness was like hard work ambition. - Same. - Like my parents work so hard that they wouldn't even be in the house when I went to bed or when I woke up. And so I value hard work and ambition because my parents taught me it because it was the cure to our problems, right? So, and especially as immigrants, right? There's a different, there's like an immigrant vibe. - I get you. - Yeah. - I get you that we don't even have to talk about it, I just get you. - Yeah. So like this is part of the reason why I think in relationships, when someone doesn't have those values, when they don't value hard work and ambition, I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But it's probably something wrong with me. - I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think I'm not gonna sit here and think there's something wrong with me. - Not wrong, it's like, it's the result of my traumatic childhood experience, maybe. I wouldn't change it for the world. - Do you know what it is? I swear to God, I think it's the fact that, okay, so, a lot of people, when we moved to England, I was never allowed to like go to stay over other friends' houses. My dad was super strict, like I couldn't even wear skirts around him. Absolutely not, forbidden. And so when I did used to go to my other friends' houses, like English culture, it was a completely different vibe. Like their family was different, like their moms and dads were different. And then when I'd come to my house, it was different. And I didn't understand it. So my dad has always wanted me to marry an Albanian man. It's like his dream. He's like, please marry an Albanian man. You two will be amazing together like this. And I'm like, dad, I don't care what he is, so long as I'm in love. And it happens to be that the guys I've been with have been English. And the cultures are completely different. And it, I don't understand. Like sometimes when they do things, I don't understand. - Give me examples. Like, okay, so in my household, Mediterranean, loud, proud, like very, like good. - That's really good. - Yes, super loud. I am super loud, I love it. But you know, you come to my house and my mom will have dinner ready for you. And my mom will buy you slippers to make you feel like home. You know, and she'll welcome you, hug you, kiss you on each cheek. But then when I'd go to Jack's families, for example, as much as they were so loving, so caring, it just wasn't the same. Like you'd have dinner at different times. Or, and I didn't understand it because I've been brought up in a family where everything's together, like togetherness. And everyone's got each other's backs and everyone's solid. So to have a different culture thrown into the mix, sometimes it does clash. And it does, like cultures are different. But that doesn't mean one culture's better. It just means it's different. So it's up to you whether you wanna learn both cultures and meet in the middle. It would be easy if I went for an Albanian guy 'cause their culture's the same. And I've been brought up in that culture. But obviously Jack's culture's completely different. So I've had to kind of like, you know, find the middle. Find that middle ground, I guess. I don't know what you call it, but find that balance. - Are you scared that you might not ever meet the right person? - All the time. I'm all the time scared.

The pressure on women (55:09)

I'm 26 years old and as women, we're told we have a timeframe. If you're not 30, you have kids, you're too old. If you have kids at 40, what kind of mum are you? All this bloody shit around us all the time. How much pressure that adds is a woman? All the time, so much pressure. You gotta get married, you gotta have kids, you gotta be a mum, you gotta be a mum. Before 30, oh, that's why I like breathe out. So much pressure. And it petrifies me. It honestly petrifies me 'cause a lot of people around me in my industry are married or I'll have children or have like a fiance. And I had that and I almost think to myself, I had that and I let that go. - And sometimes you think, you know, and this is probably, I'm asking this question again, for my reasons. So do you ever consider the fact that you might be too busy being on "Trapanah" Chrissy? - No, you're never too busy for someone you love. I don't think that's the case. I don't think I'm too busy. - You think what you're doing with your businesses and as an entrepreneur might prevent you being aware and forming a healthy relationship when the prospect arises? Do you know what I think it is? When you have a nine to five, you clock out. You come home, you switch off. You don't clock out. You're working constantly. Even if you're in this room, you're still at the back of your head thinking about your business. You're thinking about something you need to do, something to check off, something you need to approve, something you need to expand on. So it's so guilty for me to say this. I feel bad saying it, but I could be in a room with you and I'm thinking about my companies constantly and someone who has a nine to five doesn't understand that because it's like you switched off at five and sometimes I feel bad saying I do kind of wish I can switch off at five p.m. but I just can't. And I think it's not necessarily that I'm too busy it's sound consty thinking. Even if I'm in the room with you, I'm consty thinking about what I have to do. - And you can make someone feel pretty lonely just by even if you're sat next to them. - Yeah. - I often say I say like when I'm with somebody, my aim isn't for them to ever understand me. It's just to understand that they don't understand. - Yeah. - Because I think I'm like too difficult to understand. If I'm quiet for an hour, it doesn't mean I don't love you. It means that I've just got an email. - So true. - And it's just fucked me. And I actually don't want to always share things at home 'cause it's a fun. - You're off-loading. - Yeah, you're off-loading and I don't want to be that 'cause I could offload 24/7. - Oh, trust me, so can I. Sarah's always like, oh, here we go again. - Yeah. - But it's true. Like, you know, your phone is buzzing off constantly. You could get a DM by someone. You could get a message, an email, and it's like, oh fuck, really? And then you're just sitting watching a movie with your partner. - Tell me about that part of being a bunch. But I think that's why I really started the podcast in the first place was I want to hear about the bullshit of running a business, the unexpected, unpredictable, life-shifting bullshit that happens. - Yeah, your life is, you breathe and you live your businesses.

The bullshit of being an entrepreneur (58:28)

I think this is something people don't understand. You live and you breathe your companies. They are your babies. No one and nothing can get in the way. And no one understands that. They see the money, the success, the followers, the this, the that, the blingy cars, whatever the hell you want to see. And let me tell you the reality. You don't have much time. You suck at relationships. You don't have many friends. And the friends that you have, you don't really see them. When you do have time to yourself, you never switch off, ever. You are the biggest self-critic ever. You constantly think that you could be doing better and that pressure is insane. Mentally and physically, it drains you. And another thing is that I really just want to say, if you think a life of an entrepreneur is so glamorous, this is the first time I've put on jeans in, I would say. - I feel blessed. I feel privileged. - I don't know how long, but I don't live in jeans. I live in sweats and sliders. - If it sucks so much. - It doesn't suck. And you know what I'm trying to say. - Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying. But I'm also here to try and help people understand multiple perspectives. Because people say, "Okay, so you've criticized, "you've talked, not criticized, "but you've talked about the downsides, right? "Why'd you still do it?" Because you could just say, "Do you know what? "I killed it, hang up your gym, yeah." Your active wear clothes, for your shoes. I don't know what people would say. And you could say, "That's it. "I'm done. "Why don't you?" - Oh, no. - Why not? - Of course, the feeling I get when I see someone's transformation, nah, that fills me up. Like, that fuels me. When I see a transformation, when I see someone who had a mental health disorder or an eating disorder and is now thriving, do you know that is so unexplainable, that nothing else matters? I'd rather not have a relationship to be frank with you. I really am not that fast. So long as I can continue to help as many women as possible, for me, that's enough. And that's why I don't stop. - Is there an end point in all this? - I hope not. - Okay. There's no like, mountaintop, there's no-- - No, I think that, you know, you're told in life that you need to go to school. You need to go to university, you need to achieve this, right? So then you achieve this and you are not satisfied. So you need to achieve this and then this and then this. I don't have goals for financial status, for awards, for anything like that. I had maybe two goals and I've achieved one of them, which I won't share because it's actually very top secret, but you'll see it next year. - Okay. But if you have these tangible goals-- - I'm thinking now what it is. I'm like, you're finally married in Albania, man. I'm like, what's the better-- - Oh, yes, daddy, I did. No, no, no, no, no, I didn't know, I'm not married. No, that's actually a very depressing thing, thank you. But no, it's like, you goals are like, you know, when you wrote in your diary, I want a Range Rover. Right, you've got a Range Rover, what then? Just total anti-climax, yeah. - Wow, I won a million dollar house. Cool, what then? You're lonely in your house. Your house is so big you don't even know what to do with it. By the way, my house is not so big, I don't want to do it, I need more space. But, you see what I'm saying? So I don't have those types of goals because they're not attainable. - Is there a point when you were building the businesses you run where you had your worst ever day? 'Cause I can think about the worst days that I've had in business. - What was the one that sprung to mind straight away? - Oh, God. Okay, so I'm a woman in tech, right? So with an app, there's complications that you are not even prepared for, there's maybe a bug, maybe that. So obviously when this lawsuit was happening to get my app back. - From the developers? - From the old developers, it was third party company. When we transferred it to brand new servers that obviously, you know, pretty much hours, 'cause servers are just so huge. But I didn't know anything about tech when I started. Now he speaks to me tech, I know tech language. So it's actually, I'm very proud because for someone who literally didn't understand what the hell was server was, I was like, what's that about? - First time you heard there's a bug, did you think? Maybe birdie. - Honestly, don't like, it's embarrassing. But when the transition happened, the whole app went, broosh, shut down. And imagine when, you know when Instagram shuts down, people are like, oh my God, Instagram sucks, like, FU Instagram. Okay, but this is my company now. So when it shuts down, it's like, I can't pay for my employees. I can't pay for my office, I can't do this, I can't do that. When it shut down, my whole face shut down with it. I was like, shit, what do I do now? This is it, we lost 10,000 subscribers in one day. - Fuck. - You times 10,000 by 13,99. - Yeah, it's a lot of fucking money. - It's a lot of money in one day, gone, gone. That was probably one of the worst days. And I just sat back and I looked at Jack and I just said to him, what the fuck do we do now? Jack Green Jack, he was like, don't worry, we'll get in the back on. Don't worry, why are you stressing? This is what happens. Well, would you be here while I was stressing? Idiot? What do you mean? He's like, chill out. But yeah, that was probably the worst day. And I just remember I lost so much weight. - Right. - I lost, I would say I was 56 kilograms. I went down to 49. In like, yeah. - I went down to 49. - So only 9 to 7 kilograms. - Yeah, but I went down to 49, so can you imagine? - In what space of time? - Three weeks to four weeks. I couldn't keep anything on. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. I lost everything, then me and Jack parted. So, and I was still producing videos, still producing content, still. - How long was the up down for? - It was down for three days. Three days. And I was still producing content, going on Instagram, don't worry guys, I was like, we'll still get out there. I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, wasn't doing anything. I'd just broken up the person I was gonna marry. I was in a house with my dog, the house that I built with the man I was supposed to be with. I didn't know what the hell I was doing anymore. At that point, I thought I should give up. Not gonna lie. But yeah, I was like, this is it now, no, no, no. I'm giving up, I've got my law degree. I'm gonna go back to doing that. This is just too much stress. And then I did and I just kept going. Just kept going to something inside me was like, you just have to keep going. Please don't give up, please don't give up Chrissy. - You talked about your own battles with mental health over the years. I think I read that you said you'd suffered with depression at various stages.

My battle with depression (01:06:21)

- Yeah. - Are you on? Can you tell me about that? - Yeah, huge, like, I mean, a lot of people see a very picture perfect image on Instagram, which I'm to blame. Just like everybody else, you wanna showcase the best bits of you. Nothing wrong with that. You keep doing you if that works, you keep doing you. But I have been in such dark places that I couldn't picture wanting anyone to feel what I felt at those places. Even someone I resent, not that I resent anyone, but I wouldn't even want that for them. These dark places suck you in so much that you honestly start to contemplate whether you just want to stop feeling that feeling, period. Like just be done with it. And I'll never forget I was laying in bed one day and I was so depressed, so depressed that I just thought to myself, it'd be so much easier if I wasn't here. It's so much easier, just quit, just leave. And I cry myself to sleep and I work up next morning and it almost felt like in my dream I'd made it happen, if you know what I'm trying to say, without saying it. And I just thought I need to stop 'cause I cannot go on like this. And I think when I try and explain to people that I know those dark places, I've been in those dark places, they don't believe me because they see me for the purse I am today. They don't see the person that fought so hard to be where I am today, mentally. Not even about the success, the business is mentally. That's the most important thing up here. This is the most important thing you can have. All the money in the world, all the businesses in the world, you can have 300 employees, multiple companies, who gives a fuck about that if you up here are so not okay. So yeah, I've been through dark places, but I've also picked myself up multiple times and I've had to brush my shoulders off and get shit done. And that's why I keep saying to every single person out that you have to do this for you. Do this for you. This is the biggest and most important thing I can say to you. - And now that you have, you know, you've built this empire, this little fitness empire, which is rapidly growing, do you ever find yourself in those dark places, even today? - Yeah, not as bad, but I find myself, I find myself wondering if I'll ever have like a somewhat normal life. So like what we discussed, will I ever find someone again? Will I be in love? Will I get married? Will I have children? Like I want children, I want to be married. I believe in those things, I want those things. But sometimes I wonder if those things are going to happen for me. And I do wonder, I just maybe need to stop over complicating things in my mind, but I can't switch off. And maybe the only way I know to switch off is just to quit. You see what I'm saying? It's a vicious circle. But then if I quit, I'll be so angry at myself for quitting. It's like ongoing, it's constant, it doesn't stop. So, - And do you think part of that fear comes from the fact that you believe the way you are now and how you live and work now and how obsessive you are now is probably not like conducive or it's probably not going to allow that other, all those other things you want to come true, right? So like you think, well, something's going to have to give at some point, is that?

Somethings going to have to give in my life (01:10:00)

- I do, I'm not going to lie. I literally think like that, I'm not going to lie. Like, so when, when Tona Scott was built, I didn't, I honestly didn't realize it would grow the speed it did with little to absolutely no marketing expenditure. So everything's been hyper organic. In the space of 12 months, we now have a team of 22 people when it was just me and Jack 12 months ago. 22 people, an office in London, we know what the rent is like in London, it's off the chain. 120% growth, you know, month by month, it's rapid growth. We've just launched a brand new trainer who is like insane. And I keep saying to myself, okay, when I get to this point, I can relax and I say that to Sarah all the time. I keep saying it, I keep mentioning Sarah, but because she is the one person that knows me probably better than my own blood, because she's with me everywhere I go and she is the person I speak to about a lot of things. So I always say to her, okay, when I get to this point, with Tona Scott, I can breathe. And bless her, she's like, yeah, yeah. - Machine is in her head, I want more and I want more. But it's not I want more, it's that I believe we can do more and I believe we can do more and strive for more. So when does it end? - When does it end? - It doesn't end. That's what I'm trying to say. So you have to make peace with it. You have to make peace with the fact that it's not supposed to end, but you also have to make peace with the fact that you need to make maybe some self adjustments and be a bit critical with yourself, because if you're going in a relationship and constantly thinking that that person should be on your level, that's my problem, I need to deal with, that's not their problem. You know, it's not fair on them. - How'd you deal with that? - I think it takes time. I think. - You're not sure, are you? - No, I'm not sure. - You can tell by your body language. - Oh God. - It's okay to not have it figured out, right? - I don't have it figured out, and I'm someone who doesn't like not having things figured out. Right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that. - But I do think I need to stop being so mean. - It's this balance right between trying to figure it out now, because you kind of want to be able to have a plan and have, you know, but then also realizing that you shouldn't overthink this thing and that you should maybe just. - You've literally made me feel in this podcast, like I'm the most impossible person to be with. - I've not, I'm just asking the questions. - Oh no, no, I'm, I can't lie. I'm not gonna lie just to make myself sound good. - No, it's a very important part of being a successful person. It has this crazy neurotic obsessive brain. - Yeah, I do. - And that's super ambitious, but also has these other things they want. And life is a job that you can't have everything at the same time. So what we're talking about now is like compromise and how you reach that compromise in your life, if possible. I mean, the same place. I have no idea how that's gonna happen. - But do you, do you want kids? - I do want kids, yeah. - Do you want to get married? - I'm not so concerned about the concept of marriage, but I want to have a long-term partner, because I want to have kids. And so I'm willing to commit long-term. If it's a marriage, if it's assigning some other piece of paper, if there's no paper, I don't really care too much about the whole marriage thing. If it matters so much to the partner, I'll do it, but I don't, I was saying on the last podcast. - No, I see what you mean. - I don't have a great case for why the law or a religion should be involved in love. I don't think it has a great track record with love. So I'm like, I think that's an idea which we all as a society need to just reconsider. - Yeah, I see what you mean. Like, I'm gonna, my closing statement on this point is, we are all so different. You are different from me, I need a little bit, but then like you're different from your assistant and I'm different from mine and my friends from school. So logically you would think the answer to how we form our romantic connections would also be unique and different. Like, and I think at any time in life where the script tells you, everyone has to go through this door. When you are a different shape, it's like putting a triangle in a square. Like, I think that's when you have the question thing. So I got kicked out of school 'cause I just stopped going, dropped out of university after one lecture. And I've tried to navigate my way through life, just rejecting the things that I meant to just accept blindly. And marriage is one of them where I'm like, can I achieve all the things I want to in a relationship? - Without that plus the paper. - Yeah, and I put up my LinkedIn last week, I said, I basically said to the world, I think marriage is a concept we need to reconsider. Everyone, someone proved me wrong. And one guy commented, he said, I've been in a marriage for 45 years. We love each other, we've done this. I said, could you have done that without the marriage? Yes. Okay then. - Yeah. - So why? - But you would do it if she or, I don't know, he, whatever. - Maybe. - But then I need to be honest here. - Because, you know, if they really wanted to get married. - I'd ask them why they really wanted to get married. - I'm not gonna lie, I am the same. Like, for me, a piece of paper doesn't define my love for you. - Okay, let's talk about this then. So why do you wanna get married? Do you know what it is? Like, this is me being a woman. I just really wanna dress. - We can do the wedding. Like, that marriage is different from a wedding in a ceremony. Someone said that on my post. - Yeah, I guess so when you put it. - Yeah, I mean, look, my dream wedding with Jenn Uni B, like on the beach, having like burgers and beers, with the closest friends and families running in the ocean, I don't want it like a big fancy party. - I feel like you just described your dream day. - Yeah, literally. - If you could do that like this weekend. - But if I said to you, because you're so busy, if I said to you, what do you wanna do right now? I bet anyone of you'd say, you know what, I'd love to be on the sofa and just eat my favorite food with the people I love. - Yeah, of course. - Right? - Of course, yeah. - Over going out, getting smashed. - Of course. - That's what I'm saying, but a lot of people-- - Anything is my brain, I was just like, go on your laptop and check your emails. - See, that's not me 'cause you're upstairs. - Yeah, I was like, 'cause I love it, you know what I mean? - Yeah, but what I'm saying is, to other people, they want a big wedding, a big, big fuss, I hate fuss, I absolutely hate fuss over me. And it's so funny because like even my team surprised, three-me a surprise birthday party. - I saw. - I was so awkward, I was like, don't ever do that again. I hate all eyes on me. - Yeah, so-- - Although my business is built on all eyes on me. To see how that's so contradicting. - It's the same, I used to, my previous assistant, who ended up being my girlfriend along with fucking story, which we're not gonna go into. - Whoa, I was spilling the tea. - I don't actually know if Sophie, so my current assistant Sophie's been with me for four years. I know she knows this, but-- - Sophie, do you know this? - Do I, have I ever said to you, when it's my birthday, or when it's like social change anniversary to not make a fuss about it? And the reason why I say this is because I get so much attention as it is, and so much fuss for like being the founder, being the CEO, the eyes are always on me. - You just don't want it, you're like-- - No, no, no, no, no, no. - Yeah, you're the same, right? - I'm the same, and I always just feel like, oh, I don't know, so that's why my dream wedding day, if that day will come, is to just, oh my god, 20, 30 people max, closest friends and families, my dog there, and just to have the person I love. And I always say, I wanna be in a room full of people, and look at the person I love, and just me and him understand each other. You know what I mean, that feeling, where you look at them, and you're just like, I get you. I get you, and that's what I crave, that's what I want. And you're right, a piece of paper doesn't define that feeling, only you define that feeling and that person. So I don't need a piece of paper, you're right. I guess I just want the concept. - I am scared of death. - Who me? - No, not at all. - Who me, who do you think comes from? - Who me?

Are you scared of death (01:18:05)

No, I'm not. I'm not, are you? No, I'm not, no. - I'm not, like, I'm scared of not living. - Yes, I'm scared of like, I really wanna do things. I wanna explore, I want to do things. I want to, you know, my dream vacation would be to not have my phone there. I don't care about a selfie, I don't care about this, I just want to be present in the moment. - And if I told you that you were going to die a week from now, what would you regret? - Oh, so much. - What would you regret? - So much. - Tell me. - Not living, just working. - There you go. - Not living. Like, as much as I love doing what I do, I'm not gonna lie, I've built what I've built telling people to look after themselves and I forget to look after myself. And that's why when I do train and when I exercise, it's the only time I do feel like I'm doing something really special for myself. And I do a lot of skipping, right? - You're amazing at skipping by the fucking way. I watched you the other day, I was like, oh my God. - Did you just? - I thought I was a good skipper. - No, honey. - And I saw you dancing while skipping and I was like, oh, she's in fact, of course. She's doing like a double crossover. And I just had to, I started to feel really inadequate and insecure as a man. It was like, - It's fine. - So I just had to do the deal with Instagram. - I'm joking. But you know why I skip? - Why is that? - You have to be fucking present. Cause if you're not present, you get whipped. Right? And when I'm skipping, I literally feel like I can't think about anything else but the rhythm. And for someone who's always on, switched on, someone who's always doing things, you know, people always tell me go meditate, do yoga. Can I fuck? - Yeah. - Can I fuck? I literally go to meditate and I'm thinking about my, my to-do list. - Yeah. - But when I'm skipping, I'm so engrossed in it. - Yeah. - That I'm literally so present in the moment and it makes me feel alive. Same thing with training. I'm so engrossing training. And that's why so many women, when I say to them, just train, you're a mom. You gotta think about your children. You're a student. You gotta think about your studies. You're trying to make money cause you don't know when you're gonna pay your rent. Just train. It's the one moment that you can ignore the entire world and do something for yourself. So. - I really wanna loop background to this point about if you were to do it next week, oh, you're trying to avoid it, huh? - Yeah. I was because you know the answer. - Yeah, but I wanna hear the answer because I'm asking this, I would feel the same way, right? - Maybe for awkward, my palms are swaying. - It makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable, right? - It does because I love my job so much. Like I love what I do it. I thrive of it, but on the flip side, I do wish I would stop being such an annoying little bitch and just take some time off for myself, you know? I stop being so annoying to yourself, Chrissy. Just take some time off, it's okay. It's okay to go do things you love doing. Like traveling, obviously right now it's pandemic, but you know what I'm trying to say? Like travel, like maybe take a week off and just breathe. But I can't. I can't, I don't know what's wrong with me, I just can't. Are you the same? - I'm the same. Is there something, again, I'm just exploring this. Is there something strange about that where you feel like, you know, you're saying, you're saying, I can't, it's like you don't have a choice. But at the same time you're telling me that if you were to die next week, you would regret not living. - Yeah, oh my God, this is such a heavy-loaded question. I feel like, this is the therapy session I needed. But it's so true what you've just said. You've literally just, you've shut me up. You've shut me up because I can't, you're like, thank fuck, thank fuck, I'm shut up. But it's true, like, I can't stop working because something keeps telling me I can't stop right now, not yet. But on the flip side, if I was to die next week, I'd regret not taking some time off for myself to do the things that I love doing. I love going to museums. No one knows that. I literally love looking at things. - But you think that's a waste of time? - I do. - Right now. - Right now, yeah. And time is every entrepreneur's biggest asset. Time is everything. - How could it possibly be a waste of time if it's the thing you would regret? The reason why I think this deaf question is so revealing is they do all of these, there's a lady called Bonnie Ware, who was, she worked with, I think it's called Palliative Patients, which are people that are about to die. They've gone home to die. And she asked them the question, what are your biggest regrets? And she wrote it down. And she was doing this for years and she wrote a blog about it. And there's a certain sort of retrospective clarity you'll get in that moment when there is nothing going forward for your life about how you should have made your decisions. In that moment, you can imagine only the things that matter. People, what that girl said about your hair, none of this shit won't fucking matter. The playground shit, none of it will matter. You'll just be left with the things that truly mattered. And so putting yourself in that mindset, I call it like deathbed thinking, allows you to look at how you're living your life now and see if it's in accordance with the things that will matter in that final moment. And so I asked this question because I think the same about me. If you told me today that I had four days left to live, I'd be like, why didn't I have a better relationship with my family? Yeah. Why didn't I go see my niece? I don't have a relationship with my brother. Well, yeah. You know? I have a shit relationship with my mum in particular. I don't see my niece and my two nieces enough. But I've probably seen them three or four times. She's maybe three years old. She's only two hours away. And so I think these things about myself. And I think, okay, so, but what are you sacrificing? Have you made a change? 'Cause no one's ever asked me that. So the question is now, you've asked yourself that. I think it'll always be there. But it won't be. But no one's ever asked me that. So now you've got me thinking, "Ah, shit, I need to get Sarah to put me holiday." 'Cause fuck me, I need to live my life. But it's like, in all honesty, I'll probably leave today and keep doing what I'm doing. Day in, day out. Until at some point, you'll learn this lesson a hard way. Facts. And, you know, recently, one of the most important people of my life passed away. The woman that gave me a home, you know? You know, you know, my best friend, Holly, who is literally my sister, her mum gave me a home when I was homeless. And, you know, she didn't once mention the months she left me live there, the food I ate, the hot water I used, not once, ever bought it up. And I saw her on her dying bed, right? And I held her hand and I just kept thinking to myself, "Nothing matters at this point." And, you know what Holly said to me? She goes, "I would have called you sooner, but I was scared you were doing something." And at that point, it hit me. Like, I looked down, I went, "Never say that again. You call me when you need me. I'm always there for you." But it's the fact that we've, the people around us know how busy we are, that they sometimes feel like, "Oh, maybe I just shouldn't." The most important people, even my mum doesn't now. She goes, "I don't call you babe, it's okay. I know how busy you are." And I say to her, "No, you call me when you want me and you need me." And it's not like you've told people not to call you, right? It's that they think that you're just so busy that it'll be a disruption. - 'Cause you've made them feel that way. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I'm to blame 100%. And, you know, you have to take a step back and you have to realize what matters in life. And that for me, that moment there, I just realized to myself, and I messaged every single person I loved the most. And I said, "I don't care how busy I am, I'm always here for you, always." - So that's a real personal moment for your best friend. And I imagine you said earlier that you don't have many friends. - I have acquaintances, but like close-- - Friends, you know, like friends.

Having friends as an entrepreneur (01:26:40)

- No, I don't think a lot of people do though. If you really like ask them-- - I don't have many friends. - Yeah, like I have people that are there, like acquaintances, and I have people that I would genuinely die for. Those are my friends, you know? And I can count them on my hand. Holly is one of them. - Other people have more friends? Is that a first statement? Typically? - Yeah, sure, but I don't really care if you have more friends than me, to be honest. I'm happy with the people I have. Because you have more friends than me, doesn't make you more superior, or make sure you have a better person, 'cause you have more people around you. It's just, you know, I'm only 26. I don't know how many friends I'm gonna have at 62. So I have friends, do you see what I'm saying? - Probably less. - Maybe. - Yeah, according to the day to you'd have a mess, yeah. - But at the same time, I couldn't have asked for better friends that I have now. And the friends I have now would protect me and look after me, and they know I would do anything for them. - That's what matters. Not having a hundred friends. I want one good friend, not a hundred random friends. - So I ask that question because I think I've definitely struggled to make and to hold onto friendships because of the way I've been over the last decade. In the same way, normal relationships, I've found that I don't invest enough in my friendships as much as I probably should. - Okay, I'm gonna be completely honest. People come and go, right? People come and go, and it's so bizarre because I know it sounds crazy, but I've pretty much built a virtual community, right? And I feel like that's my team. Even though I may have not met these women physically, I feel like they get me more than the people in my own life. Is that weird? Do you think that's weird? You think it's a bit weird, don't you? Be honest. - I don't know if it's... - Like I speak to people... - It's a very curious thing you've just said, yeah. - Like, you should, I don't know if you've ever seen, or maybe not, but when I go on a live, work out and I work out with hundreds and thousands of women. I don't see them, they see me, but I feel the energy. I can't explain it to you. I sound crazy right now and people probably think I'm an absolute crazy psycho weirdo, but let them think what they want. When I'm like reading a DM, right? Or when I'm going live for work out, or when I add a new workout on, and when I repost people, 'cause you see I repost a lot of people, right? And half the time I don't even tag tone a sculpt, I just repost the woman with a sweaty selfie or whatever. And that to me, I almost feel like that's enough friends. Like I have friends for life. This is my familia, my unit, my team, my tribe. And as crazy as I may sound, I feel like that tribe understands me more than the people in my life. So that's when I go on social media and you see me, understand that's me, because I feel like we're friends and you get me, and it's crazy because they do get me, and I get them. They get my sense of humor. They get me trying to dance on camera and be stupid. I don't care. I sometimes forget I have 2.3 million followers, and I come-- - Not friends. - Well, I sometimes forget, right? Have you seen that I come online and I don't have makeup on? I forget. I genuinely forget, and I'm like, "Ah shit, my skin's a bit crusty right now." And I just posted that to 2.3 million people. What's my crazy ass thinking? And I sit back and I'm like, "Ah, fuck it, I don't care." - But the nature of the internet is that you would, of course, you've got 2.3 million people. There's a lot of people in there that are hurting themselves and that wanna make you feel like shit too. - Carry on, I'm very lucky. - Really? - Yeah, I'm very lucky, man. I don't get much negativity. I don't. And when I do, if someone's been horrible on a post, 'cause I have a big insecurity about my boobs, all right? Like, they're saggy. I'll say it. And cool. I've always had a big insecurity about it. And I remember this one girl just ripped them to shreds. She was just like, "Ew." Like, they look disgusting and saggy. I didn't even see the comment until I started seeing community members reply back to her. Now, there's a difference between replying back to someone and being like, "You need to stop, that was hurt for." And then replying back, "Meanly, if you're replying back, me, that's not nice." Like, you don't kill hate with hate, right? So if I see someone being really nasty, so I don't like that. Like, I'd rather you not defend me. I don't want that. You don't know what that girl's going through. Just 'cause she's being mean to me. You don't know what she's going through. The pain she must be in. You don't know. But when I see someone like, "Hey," says like, "You need to chill because that's not nice. You don't know what that comment could do to someone." That's a team. That's a community. That's a family right there. So, I'm pretty blessed. I don't get as much negativity as maybe other people. I'm pretty, pretty blessed. Touch where that doesn't change. But listen, I don't know how to explain it to you and I'm gonna sound hella crazy right now, but the community I have, man, is something special. It's something that it's unexplainable, the feeling they give me. And that to me is my friends. As weird as I may sound, and lowly as I may sound. - So, some of the things you're working on, right? - Yeah. - So, you've got a book coming out. - Yes. - Which is exciting, tell me about this. - So exciting.

Current Projects

What are you working on? (01:32:41)

So, officially an author. Oh my God. - Oh my God. - And so, my book, Do This For You, How To Be A Strong Women On The Inside And Out, is not your average fitness book. So, I'm pretty second tired of 20-day challenges and kind of telling women that, oh my God, Do This 20-day challenge and you're gonna lose 10 pounds. Oh, shut up. It's draining, jarring, stop. I'm gonna teach you how to create habits, discipline, consistency, longevity. That's what it's about. You know, all the programs on the TONUS COPED app are some of them are year long. - Fucking hell. - That doesn't, kind of goes against the typical sales, sales are scripted, something with-- - Status quo. - It's like, small effort from you, big results. That's what sells, right? - Yeah. - Five days, you'll lose 100 pounds. - Yeah. - But that's very honest of you and I think that's real, right? - Yeah. No, you're gonna lose weight. Of course, if course you're gonna lose weight, if you're doing stupid amounts of cardio, cutting out specific food groups and you're literally depriving yourself, of course you're gonna lose weight. - What's sustainable? - Is it sustainable? No. So, the way I always say it is, funny enough, in a relationship, if you're constantly just like, horrible to someone all the time, is that sustainable, not really? You have to nourish, you have to love, you have to care, you have to show effort consistency. That's what works, same thing with training. It's a constant effort you put in day in, day out, that will make a difference. - And so it's all about disciplines, habits, consistency. - Yeah, and it's a book that, do you know what? In all honesty, it's a book that I know when someone reads, they're gonna pass it down. - Right, I got you. - It's one of those books. You read it and it gets you thinking. It's a thinking book. So, I did the audio book for it as well last week. And when I was reading it, I was like, "Damn, that was good." I was like, "Oh, I know someone's gonna read that." Yeah, listen to it, like, yeah. And it's true, it's a thinking book. I ask you what your why is. So, if I say to you, what is your why? Why is it that you want to train? - I've been over this a lot, but I mean, like, the thing that I keep trying to get myself away from is having a really extrinsic why that's like, I want to look good for summer. Because when summer ends and I look good, that shit is done. - There we go. But that's a lot of people's why's. I want to lose weight for my wedding dress. I want to lose weight for this, for an occasion, occasion, occasion. - Yeah, time like time like, yeah. - The occasion comes what then? - You fall off a cliff, yeah. - It's not a sustainable why. So I teach you how to gain a sustainable why, which is fundamentally the most important foundation you need for fitness. And I teach you habits. You don't think twice about brushing your teeth. Why I think twice about your health. Why I think twice about your health, your health is the most fundamental and important thing you need to live. - You need to get one of them as well, right? - And why are you thinking twice about it? Why are you viewing fitness as a chore? Your viewing your health as a chore? That's a shame. Your body deserves more. When have you heard people speak about health like this? In a society where women are driven by fat loss pills, and quick, quick, fat diets, and intense workout sessions, it's time to stop. It's time to tell you that you need to calm the fuck down. Remember your why. Remember how important your health is, and understand that if you have a bad day, it's okay. It's okay to have a bad day. So that's what do this for you is all about. - Sounds amazing. I'm gonna read it. - We'll link the preorder as well in the podcast and also on the YouTube video. I wanted to ask you what other things you're working on. I know you just launched an active wear line. That looks pretty awesome. - They are, God has so many issues we're about to begin with, but. - We got there in the end. - Got there in the end, on our active. On our active is fundamentally, I was actually building the mission and the vision for it last week. And one of the things I said is that I don't want it to be a trend setter. - Why? - 'Cause I don't. I don't want my brand to be something that people just kind of like buy 'cause it's trendy and that's that. I want on our active to be something you go back to time and time again. So all of our collections have certain names, like the first collection is called Classic, 'cause you're always gonna come back to it. It's designed with specific material that you always come back to it. The next collection is called Timeless. And then our winter collection is called Effortless. So it's designed to have a concept that it's your best friend, always and forever. That it doesn't matter what year it is, you're still gonna love on our active. Because trend setters, they come and they go. Yeah, we're 15 minutes, fame and then it goes. But I want something to be sustainable. If you look at Knight, Lulu Lemon, the biggest brands in the world, they don't have fancy stuff. Some of the best Lulu lemon leggings are the most simplest ones you'll ever find, but they're trusted and they're loved. And that's exactly what I want on it to be. I'm not here to start trends. Sorry, I'm not here to start trends. I'm here to ensure that you pick up your leggings and you trust this product. That's my goal for on our active. Onto the next business. No, Toni Scov is still like, obviously my number one baby and then on our active, of course. But what we done with Toni Scov, we launched a brand new athlete, Daniel Wilson. I'm sure. I clicked on her profile. She followed me. I was quite... She loves you. Oh my God, she's so excited. Yeah, she's like, oh my God. She always reposts you and I was like, yeah, he's all right. Okay. I'm joking. She's like, oh my God, I love him. Oh my God, he's all right. I'm joking. But now she is very special because I approached her and the reason why I wanna talk about her briefly in this podcast is 'cause I think it's very important. She's a 200 pound African American woman, 5'11". Not your average fitness guru, right? So why would Toni Scov want her? She's not your average fitness guru. Why would you want someone who women are scared to think that's what fitness looks like? Let me tell you why. Because fitness for such a long time is not about the way it looks. It's about the way it makes you feel. She trains because it makes her feel alive. She's an athlete. She trains athletes. She is an athlete. She's built like an athlete. That's what I wanted from my brand. So when I approached her year and a half ago, I slid into her DMs and I was like, I am every day inspired by you and I didn't really think I wanted trainers, other trainers on the Toni Scov'd app, but I need you, I need you on this app. And she was like, what are you serious? Like, you really think I should be on the app and I was like, hell yeah, you need to be on this app. You inspire me. I know you're gonna inspire thousands of other women. And it's funny because when the whole Black Lives Matter thing happened, five other companies approached her in that month, five other fitness brands. And I had a FaceTime with her and I said, listen babe, if they're offering you more money and you think it's a better opportunity for you, I understand, business is business. She goes, hell no, I'm married to you. I'm not going anywhere, I'm married to you. She goes, but how funny is it that it took something happening for them to approach me? I don't say anything. And I said to her, I'm gonna let you answer that question yourself, for yourself. - Oh, that week, my emails were blowing. - Right? - Up, Black Lives Matter week, I had more speaking requests, more invitations to campaigns than I've ever had in my entire life. You know what it is, but I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna take the bag. Do you know what I mean? - Yeah. - If you're approaching me because you think you suddenly have this revelation that you need a Black person involved, fine. Fine, I can't find, you know, what am I gonna do? Say no and then like, they're gonna have to go, 'cause in this question-- - Go to find someone else. - Yeah, and in this country, when you think about young Black, successful entrepreneurs, me and Jamal Edwards, there's the guy who made SBTV, who's been on this podcast. - It's fucking no one else. Like, are you gonna have to start looking at footballers if you want young Black and successful? And so, yeah, fucking, and also, I can use that platform as a way to inspire other people to change their opinions in the same way Obama inspired a lot of naive Americans to think that, oh my God, a Black person can be smart and intelligent and clean. - Don't please, I can just-- - So, yeah, I took the bags, every single bag, all mine. - And do you know what, I-- - And I'll keep taking them. - Yeah, no, hell yeah. Hell yeah, like, are you fucking joking me? I said, I looked at Daniel, I said, "Staniel, on the FaceTime, it doesn't matter where you go, it matters what you're gonna represent." - Yeah, yeah. - Do you understand that you're gonna change a young girl's life by being somewhere, being present, being vocal, being ambitious, do it. If the platform that's offering you more money is bigger, do it. She was like, no, I want to be at Tony's goal. - Of course, 'cause you-- - Yeah, but that's just loyalty, that's just her being loyal. But it goes beyond bringing another trainer onto the app, it's about representation. It's about, I'm sick and tired of fitness having one status quo. Fitness is not one status quo, it's about to help people mentally and physically, if it wasn't for fitness, I would not be alive today and that's facts. - So what's next for Chrissy? What's next? When you think about the future... - Personally, I don't know. Business, amazing. - Yeah, yeah. - Stuff that are coming up beyond. But from a personal perspective, I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know what's even happening tomorrow in my personal life. - Are you happy? - In what sense? - That's the question. - For what in what sense? - In your life, are you happy? - I would say I'm really happy in my career and I'm really happy in my community. From a personal perspective, I think I need to just take a breather and I would say I need to work on my happiness on a personal perspective a little bit more. Yeah, for sure. You're gonna do that? - See, you're funny, 'cause you ask me the questions and you ask if I'm gonna do it and then I don't know the answer to that question 'cause I don't know if I will do it. So I don't know. I think I just need to... I think I just need to be a bit more patient with myself and a little bit kinder to myself and less self-defensive. - Listen, I've taken a lot of your time and it's been a fascinating conversation. I've learned a lot about myself as well. - Really?

Conclusion

Outro (01:44:02)

- Yeah, it's like, on many of these issues, they are issues that anybody in the situation, both me and you find ourselves in a life where we're running businesses and we're very busy, but then we're also trying to fulfill all of our personal needs at the same time when one of those facets of our life is so all consuming, we feel the same things and we're confused by it. We don't have the answers and as much as we wanna have the answers and have control over everything because we are used to that and we strive for that in our business, sometimes we have to relinquish control in order to be happy. Maybe that's a lot of the answer, but thank you so much for giving me your time today, but more importantly, for giving me so much honesty and where can people find you? I mean, you're everywhere, so dumb-ass question. - Yeah, there's bitches everywhere, I'm joking. - You've got your book coming out, you've got your app, you've got your active airline, I'm sure people will find you and I just wanna say thank you because there's very few people out there that are a-willing to be honest. It takes a certain vulnerability to be that honest, but it does so much for so many people and on behalf of your community, on behalf of entrepreneurs like me, on behalf of all of the aspiring female entrepreneurs that are following in your footsteps, a huge thank you because what you're doing, it's costing you a lot, but it's giving the world even more. So, thank you. - Thank you so much.