How to Become a High Performer | Brendon Burchard on Impact Theory | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "How to Become a High Performer | Brendon Burchard on Impact Theory".


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Intro (00:00)

When you're passionate, everybody cheers you on. They're stoked for you. Oh, you found your passion? Awesome. Follow your passion. Live with passion. Be passionate. Chase your passions. Everything. Like passion, passion, passion, passion. Right? When you're obsessed, they're like, "Why are you gonna be so crazy? Why can't you be satisfied? Why do you always got to get things so perfect? Why do you spend so much time here? When you're obsessed, people think you're nuts. I always tell people, if no one thinks you're crazy, you're not yet operating to the outer limits of your potential." Everybody, welcome to Impact Theory. You were here, my friends, because you believe that human potential is nearly limitless, but you know that having potential is not the same as actually doing something with it. So our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that will help you actually execute on your dreams. All right, today's guess is widely recognized as the world's leading high performance coach, his plethora of books have dominated pretty much every bestseller list there is, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Amazon, etc. And he has interviewed, coached, or trained an absurd number of the most successful people on the planet. From Fortune 50 CEOs to athletes and celebrities like Usher and Oprah, he's the guy that people turn to when they need a science and heart-based approach to breaking through a plateau or entirely redefining what they believe is possible. He's one of the top 100 most followed social influencers on Facebook with over 10 million followers. His podcast, The Charge Life debuted at number one in iTunes and stayed in the self-help top 10 for like 100 weeks, more than 2 million students from over 190 countries have taken his online courses and his video series has been seen over 100 million times. But the numbers and accolades only tell part of the story. What the digits fail to capture is that at 19, he was not only depressed, he was actively planning his suicide. And ironically, it was a near fatal car crash that ended up saving his life. Reborn to the possibilities, he spent his 20s formally researching psychology and leadership, a process that allowed him to begin to really dissect and truly understand the very building blocks of greatness. From that, his high performance institute was born and today through his obsession with understanding why some live unfulfilled lives and others go on to be extraordinary, he has conducted what is almost certainly the largest research project on high performance to date. So please help me in welcoming the man whose experts academy was ranked by Entrepreneur magazine as one of the five must attend events for all entrepreneurs, the author of high performance habits, the human energizer bunny himself, Brendan Burchard. Thank you, man. That was awesome. I got intimidated just listening to that.

Discussion On Passion, Obsession And High Performance

Tom & Brendon's first meeting (03:03)

That's so good. Do you remember how we first met like the very time we actually met in person? It was like Intercontinental, Dallas Texas, Success Magazine, they're doing an event, they had like 2,000 people, you know, we're both speaking there and I think I was going to work out or something or I was going back. One of the two. Yeah, and then I run into you, which is like, if you're going to work out, it's like you don't want to run into like, you know, the rock. Like, I'm going to work out. I don't want to run into this guy. I mean, he's got the pipes, you know, right now the rock is like, he's violently upset somewhere. Yeah, just very moment. No, so, no, yeah, so I was, I ran into you and I was like, man, it's cool because I hadn't met you in person, but I'd watch the show. And so, I'd seen you just slay it in your interview style. Wow, very kind. And just getting better and better and better. I mean, because you and I both watch for the same thing. We want to see excellence in our space. And when we see it, we watch and we watch and we watch and what you've built here is incredible, but it was so cool to finally actually meet you in person because you never know what people's energy is like, like off camera. And that that's why I was so surprised and our first meeting left an indelible marketing me. So obviously I knew who you were. I'd watched a ton of your content.

Joy (04:16)

And we're probably no BS like 30 yards away from each other. Minimum, you come around the corner and. I didn't even know you knew who I was and it was so warm and so enthusiastic. It is so infectious. And so as I'm reading the book, High Performance Habits, which by the way you guys go out and get this book is awesome. I'm going to stamp this one hard. One, because some of the surprises we're going to talk about because you say a lot like, I know if you read just the back at what the six habits are, you're going to be like, well, I get these. Sure. You really don't as you get into it some of the surprises and things you can put into your life are really, really interesting. But seeing like how gracious and warm and kind you were was really, really fascinating. And then reading the book, hearing your notion of you generate the energy. If you want joy, you create the joy. Talk to us about that. That was something that really, really struck me. Yeah. That piece comes from probably the most powerful metaphor of my entire life. And that is the power plant doesn't have energy. It generates energy. And I've been teaching that for like 15 years on stage. And one guy stands up one time and he goes, actually you're wrong. At my event, you know, there's 2,000 people in my event. He goes, well, you're actually wrong. I'm like, oh, what am I wrong? He says, well, a power plant doesn't generate energy. What it does is it takes energy from one source, upgrades it, so transforms the energy, then stores it and transmits it. So it's really transforming energy from one sort of location or one type of energy to another. And I love that metaphor because I felt like that's my job. You know, so much of my life is helping people reach another level of energy. Because if you don't reach another level of energy, you can't serve at another level. If you don't reach another level of energy, you can't feel better, be happier, be a better spouse. You know, it's like, everyone says I want that next level, but they don't understand energy is the requirement to get there. And when we measured energy in our studies, it's we're talking about really mental energy, emotional energy, and physical energy. And it was a huge turning point in my life when I started realizing these things because, you know, that whole thing that we as entrepreneurs, we want to wait for maybe one day I'll feel energized or maybe one day I'll feel joy. Or maybe one day I can have fun after, you know, all the money's in the bank. And you know, you got the house or the cars or the money or the, you know, the stuff. And then people go, then I'm going to be really a fun person. It's like, no, if you're not a fun person when you're broke, you're not going to be that much more fun when you're rich. And I think that people have to learn to bring the joy. It's one of our like old taglines on our shirt. So I bring the joy. And that says, you know, you don't have joy. Just like I don't think people have happiness. I don't think people have sadness either. I think that we are generating the emotions and the feelings that we experience in life. And soon as we own that responsibility, life gets really fun. Because now we can choose it. And I'll give you an example. Last night, I spoke to 12,000 people on stage here in LA at the convention center. And it was terrifying because Pitbull was opening. I'm backstage. And I feel the cortisol drop in. I feel myself getting tense, you know, Pitbull talks for me like 10 minutes. And then he does a four song set. Okay. When he finishes four song set, I got to come and hit the stage and do 90 minutes. And I'm backstage. And the emotion of my life at that moment is terror, is, is, is stress. Because do they have my video? They don't have the video. The keynote's not working. All this other stuff is going on. I mean, it was just like really intense. But when I hit that stage, I'm responsible for my emotion and my feelings. You know, feelings come up to people. So of course, I'm having anxiety in that moment. I'm kind of freaked out. I have to in that moment, determine the feeling that I'm after. And we talk about that in the book, is that we have to determine the feeling that we are after and live into that feeling, not hope it lands on us. And that's when someone starts getting real mastery in life. Because I knew I had hit that stage and there couldn't be the stress on me. There couldn't be the anxiety on me. I had to bring joy at a stage at level, you know, 10x.

Mechanisms (08:31)

Well, it's through the mechanisms of that. So and it's something that you cover very well in the book is there's a process. In fact, the book is high performing habits, right? And you really go into the habits, the mechanisms, the things that you can do, say, orchestrate into your life, which I think is really the core of what makes the book so powerful. So in that moment, your backstage, what are you actually doing? Yeah. First, I'm closing my eyes and say, where is this emotion coming from? And I realize in my mind, it's like, oh, it's because I'm thinking I have to go follow pit bull. And that's where people fail in life. Well, my Instagram's not like hers or, you know, I'm not as famous as him. You know, we have all these comparisons that cause us cortisol or anxiety that shut us down. And then we stop performing our best because we're trying to follow somebody versus just go do our thing. So I identified that's oh, that's where I'm at. Okay, what's that causing? That's causing that cortisol adrenaline drip that I don't want right now. So what do I need to do? And the fastest ways to get yourself back is usually, you know, breath and movement. So we teach a high, I teach this program, high performance academy. And so like one of the crowd favorites on day three, we have 2000 people there and about 40% of the audience is international. So day three, their jet lag is just whooping them, right? And I always just predictable. I know exactly about one in the afternoon, day three, they start bonking. So I do this breath scaling thing where I teach them to breathe in through their nose like to breathe breathing in the ocean like and then breathe out. Okay. And that's kind of the top level. So we just start breathing normal and they get more and more and more and more and more and more and more intense until you're at the top and just literally like I sustained that for like 60 seconds. And what it is, it's like a hit like oxygen, you know, like, like cocaine to the brain for oxygen. And when it's also lightheaded or anything. No, because I've done it so much, right? I don't, I don't push myself to get lightheaded. I push myself to fully oxygenate the body. But what you do, as soon as you do that, and the most important thing is for those who are going to try this at home, you scale up to it, then you, you scale down to find your regular breath again. And you need to not be standing there with your knees locked. And if you ever feel dizzy, sit down. So, but I do that. And all of a sudden you feel an incredible amount of energy in your body. Your mind just goes super sharp. And the added benefit of that much oxygen oxygen intake lowers cortisol. That's interesting. Right. We know from meditative practices, when deep breathe, we tend to lower cortisol or lower that sense of anxiety. Even if we don't get the full mechanism of the hormone release, then all of a sudden it's like, ah, I'm in my zone, I'm ready to go. Then I do full body chigong, which is like a chigong. A cupping activity in chigong is basically like you are, you're patting up one inch at a time on different parts of your body like this all over. So you do your arms, your legs, your back, and with that's doing is opening the meridians in your body. And now my body, my mind's open, my body's fully ready to serve. And now it's like, let's get it. I'm excited. Because now it's just like, I identified the source of the anxiety, got rid of it, took care of the mechanism of the body that was also making me feel like crap. And then it's, then it's exciting. I mean, people see me on this big stage and they think, oh, or they see you and they think, oh, well, he must always be in the perfect state or the perfect energy. And he's always going to be great. And that's not true. You know, great athletes, great performers, an executive walk in the new important meeting. You got to go deal with your kid who's struggling with math. When we walk into those situations, we have to set intention for what we want to do in that situation. And we have to release tension. And so the practices and high performance habits, that was the second big finding that we had was high performers are generating the energy. And that means the mental, emotional, physical energy that they feel is necessary to serve with excellence in a certain situation. Like they're so conscious of it. And I know that's common sense for people, but it's not always common practice. You know, it's like a lot of people just wander into that situation. And I'm the guy says, you know what? Get more intentional, release the tension you have, walk in as your highest self, because that's something you want to regret.

Be Obsessed (12:57)

For sure. Now, one thing I found in the book that really struck me, and I think this is where I really fell in love with the book, is the concept of necessity. Because this is something I talked to people about. And specifically in the context of obsession versus passion. And you really went into it, not because you're probably going to get some flack and push back on that one. But what you said, I was like, that is the absolute truth. Explain people, what's the difference between the two? What is the role of obsession? Well, we found it. So in high performance habits, what we did, like you mentioned, we did the world's largest study of high performers, data from over 190 countries, from what it essentially turns out to be like people who are in that top 15% of whatever they do. And we found that there was basically personal habits and social habits. And the personal habits was like seek clarity, generate energy. And that third one was raise necessity, which was something I didn't even know really was a thing psychologically as important as it turned out to be. And necessity is kind of short for performance necessity, or what we call psychological necessity, which means there is a moment in which you are serving people, or you're trying to achieve your goal or your dream in which now it is not a preference, it's a must. But to use better languaging, it becomes necessary for us to excel in this. It's not a hope anymore, it should do it. It becomes so necessary that it connects with our identity, that we feel it is necessary for me to deliver with excellence here because that is who I am. It's necessary for me to deliver with excellence here because somebody needs me to do well. It's necessary for me to do well here because this topic, this thing I'm doing, I'm passionate about this, I care about this, I want to master this. I'm obsessed with this. And it's necessary for me to do well because of the time, it's a deadline or it's go time, or when all those come together, that personal side of this is my identity and I'm obsessed about it. And that other side where it's like somebody needs me and there is a real deadline, right in the middle, that's performance necessity. And when we hit that, the game changer, game changer, but it is uncomfortable because people don't want to exude that much passion in which it becomes obsession because they're fearful of their obsessions.

Passion vs Obsession (15:20)

Well, if I'm obsessed about this topic, it's going to take away from my family, from my time, it's going to introduce a lot of fear or unknowns to me. So they back off, but I tell people all the time, there is a difference between passion and obsession. And high performers have obsession about the topic, right? They are obsessed about the topic in which they're trying to learn, master, grow into. And so that obsession is real and I tell people the difference, here's how you know the difference between the two. When you're passionate, everybody cheers you on. They're stoked for you. Oh, you found your passion? Awesome. Follow your passion. Live with passion. Be passionate. Chase your passions. Everything, like passion, passion, passion, passion. Passion's good. Like the words are going to be like, yay, right? When you're obsessed, they're like, well, you got to be so crazy. Why can't you be satisfied? Why do you always got to get things so perfect? Why do you spend so much time here? When you're obsessed, people think you're nuts. So it's different. And it's like, I always tell people, if no one thinks you're crazy, you're not yet operating to the outer limits of your potential. You're not there yet. Because somebody in your life should say, man, you really care about this in a like a crazy way. And when you get there, you know, you found your thing and not every fine, not every fine is that. I think that's also why it's scary. Some people go, well, I'm passionate or I'm happy, but I don't really obsess about anything. You know, most people obsess about, you know, their shows on Netflix more than their life. I know people who obsess more about their, their, you know, thread count in their sheets at their house than they do about the impact they're making in the world. Why do you think people can slip into an obsession over Netflix or whatever or thread count?

Seek Feedback (17:06)

But they don't do that for something that could really change their life. Feedback. That's interesting. Not what I expect you to say. What do you mean by that? Because, you know, buying something or getting pulled into Netflix, being obsessed about something that gives you no feedback is not scary. A real obsession, like trying to make an impact in the world, you're getting feedback. You try to make a difference in somebody's life. They're going to tell you, "That doesn't resonate with me, Brendan." You try to make a difference in a nonprofit. You try to change the world. You try to start something like this. And the views come, or they don't come, there's feedback. And people are terrified. Just one of the four central fears we all have is rejection. We're terrified, like to be rejected. And think about if you really want to make an impact, you're going to get a lot of judgment. You're going to get a lot of hate. And ultimately, you're going to get rejection. People are going to just dison you. People are going to say, "That's not good enough." People are going to say, "Who do you think you are?" And people are so worried about that, that they stop. And so it's easier. Things that don't give you feedback. Watch Netflix. Don't give you no feedback. It's easy. There's no disappointment there. Even if you don't like the show, what do you do? You just go to the next show. There's no disappointment there. You know, I think trying to make an impact, there's a lot of disappointment and fear and potential for rejection. So people don't get obsessed about making a difference and making an impact because it can hurt.

HighPerformers Identities (18:31)

Go deep on identity. So you've talked about how one of the scariest things about an obsession is the way that you tie it to your identity. High performers do that. They put themselves at risk. They say, "Like your own story, I am a writer." And the day that you decided you were going to own that, you said that that comes with a risk. One, explain to people what that risk is. And then how did you overcome it and how can other people do that? Yeah. Well, imagine like last night, I'm going on the stage, right? If my identity says, "I am a public speaker," and it's important for me to be excellent at this, and then I go on stage and I bomb, what does that say about me as a person? So we've got about 50 years of work in psychology, the field of psychology, saying, "Do not tie your efforts to your identity." Because that risk of disappointment or rejection, if the task fails, you shouldn't take that as a defining moment in which you say, "I am a failure." So that's the risk. And that's what psychologists tell us to be wary of, except it turns out that high performers flip that on its face and go, "Well, actually, no, I do get bothered if it fails. I really get upset about it. I am attached to the process here. I do care if it turns out well." I mean, that's why they obsess about the details. That's why they care about excellence. It's like, no one obsess about the details or cares about excellence unless it meets something to them. And there is a risk. The risk is you overattach to the process or the outcome with your identity so that if the process or outcome goes bad, now you feel bad about yourself as a human and now you stop your progress. But I also tell people, "There's a balance there. I actually wish more people would attach some identity to what they're doing. They wouldn't go through their motions as much." I think what the world needs less of is half-interested parents who don't have an identity that says, "You know what? I'm going to be an excellent parent." I think we have a lot of CEOs or businesspeople or entrepreneurs who they've never stepped in and said, "You know what? I'm a CEO. I own this business. I am responsible for paying the bills. I am responsible for making the money. I'm responsible for all these people's mortgages who work for me." I want them to own the identity of a CEO because most of them, if you ask them about their identity and their business, they're kind of like, "You come to find they're kind of approaching it like not even hobbyists." It's like if you want to win, your identity has to be tied into that thing in which you are trying to succeed at and give to. And that takes a lot of guts to put yourself all in for something, but who's ever contributed something with tremendous impact without being all into it. I've never seen it. So I think the message of the book, you're right. I'll get some flack of some of a lot of psychologists say, "Don't tell people to tie more of their identity," or my friends who are Buddhist who say, "But attachment is the form of all suffering, right? Have you not read your spiritual texts?" I'm like, "Look out. Calm down. I've hung out with Dalai Lama. I'm totally cool." But what I'm trying to tell you is even the Dalai Lama has a connection with himself as a spiritual leader. His identity is still there that people assume that we have to release ourselves from having any attachment to something, but I'm like, "I think we all want to be present and engaged fully in the things that we are doing in our lives, and that's going to require us to say psychologically. You know what? I am all in this." What I loved in the book is you were open on the journey of writing.

Psychological energy (22:13)

It took you about three years if I'm not mistaken. So doing all the research, you've collected the however many millions of people that are in your ecosystem, and then you start systematically actually researching the data. You can feel that in the book, that you were open to being surprised, you were open to changing your thinking, you talk about going through and trying to find disconfirming evidence and not just wanting to be in a vacuum. Some of the surprises in the book were really, really great. In that whole concept of obsession, I'd love to because it felt so real, you tell your followers, "One, you have to take ownership." You give a great example about you're in a relationship with somebody. Whatever energy you guys are creating, you're creating that. Don't think that it's just objectively them. You guys are doing it together. And I love that, love that in the talk about how obsession can be useful because, so I'm, like, that's really important to me and I want people to understand if you want to achieve at the highest level, you're going to have to tap into obsession, period. And you put a quote in the book that I think sums it up perfectly, which goes like this. And by the way, the quotes people choose for books reveal so much and I just kept taking one after another after another out of your book. This is from Einstein. "Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master." For this reason, mastery demands all of a person." Yeah, I love that. All in. You have to be all in and it's the hardest thing to do because if it fails, then you can feel like a failure. I think of this idea of performance necessity, two stories come to mind. One is I was working with an Olympic gold medalist sprinter and we're in the tunnel and we're going out and he's talking about the competition and we get out to the blocks and I said, he was really worried about the competition. I said, "Well, how do you even gauge who's going to win?" In his particular race, people are winning but by 100s of a second, 10s of a second, these are really close sprints and I said, "Well, how do you know?" I said, "Who would you even bet on?" He says, "You know, I would bet on the guy who gets down at the blocks, gets himself settled, looks at the finish line and says, "I got to do this for my mom." And I was like, "Ooh, that's good. His performance necessity in that is it's necessary for him to win that race for his mom." I think of when I started my career and I really decided to go all in with writing and online training. This is like 2000, probably six. I'd gone broke, completely bankrupt and failed. I left my corporate job. I had this cushy kind of corporate job as a consultant. Good job. Left it to right and I didn't know how to make it as a writer. I wanted to do seminars workshops, didn't know how to do that. So I was pretty much a hot mess, ran out of money. I got nothing to my name, nothing kind of no positive prospects, no one's calling me except the guys who want the money. And one night I'm writing and the department was so small on the bed, I had all my bills, my vision boards, all my research, all my journals, like the bed was basically the desk, the extended desk. And my lady comes in, Denise, and she walks past me, but she sees I'm trying to write. So it doesn't want to disturb me. She goes, crawls under the covers of the bed. And I'm just kind of casually typing away. And I look over and I see my woman sleeping under my bills. And it was just like, you know, because none of us want to see our family suffer because we are not performing. And I was just like, I got to figure this out. And I'm telling you, I wrote more that night than any night in my entire life. Next day I wrote more than ever that bird's life scolded ticket, which came out bestseller. And you know, 18 months later, because I was like, I'm going to figure out this online thing. I'm going to figure out marketing. I'm going to figure out how to teach. I'm going to go out to train and get paid for it because I've never really been paid for those things. I said, I'm going to figure out this industry. And I'm going to make it 18 months later after her crawling under the bills, I made $4.6 million online. Total transformation. People are like, how did you do it? And like, she gave me, and she was my necessity. I was not going to let my woman be in that situation. And she believed in me. She supported me. She married me. And you know, but that was, she was my drive. And the second part was I went all in with my identity. I said, I am going to be a great writer. And I am going to be one of the greatest online trainers there ever was.

Live great lives (27:44)

You know, as you said in the intro now, we've graduated over two million people have taken our online courses video series now. I don't think it would have happened if I hadn't had the guts and maybe the no other choice to say, this is who I'm going to be. And I'm going to build into that. And it is necessary for me to become that person. So let's go. That's amazing. Talk to me about that building into process. This is so you did a video about how to come back from being dead broke.

Find your strengths (28:15)

And it was so fundamental and real and true. I loved it. I was like, you're not trying to hype anybody up. In fact, you were telling them, you're going to hate this video. I'm going to tell you what to do. It's actually going to work. You're going to hate it. And that's when I was like, all right, this guy's not fucking around. Like your advice is really real. So the concept of building in the concept of, and I love this, you can't imagine how much I agree with you on this, that it's not just about doing what comes naturally. Yeah. So what is it about? Yeah. Oh my gosh. I'm glad you relate with me because I'm getting a lot of flack on that. So the big, huge finding that really scratches the surface of a lot of cultural assumptions, especially in high performance, is this big cultural conversation you have about strengths. And find your strengths, follow your strengths, the strengths are everything. And take the strengths, finder, figure out your top five strengths, follow those, don't do anything else. Or at least know what they are and really aim your career to that. Or aim your behavior towards that. Or use that as a guide for recognizing pattern. And by the way, I'm all for it. That's all great. I'm that guy who says, you know what, any self reflection you do, I'm cheering you on. Like any assessment, any tool that makes you look at within side, I'm like, all for it. It's just that strengths are not highly correlated with long-term success. Right. There's not a lot of data, and there is not a lot of research that has shown it leads to long-term success with the positive outcomes associated with what we care about in psychology, which is we care about happiness, we care about health, and we care about your positive relationships. And this myth that, oh, we'll just follow our strengths to, you know, to the promised land is just not true when you actually talk with high performers. Because my favorite question, if it ends down, just go up to anyone who's good and say, were you always good at that? And then be like, no, they're going to be like, not at all. Well, did you always have an inclination to do every element of where you're doing really well? No. Like me? Man, I sucked on stage. This year, I've talked to 60,000 people live. This is really important because this idea that we're just, our strengths are going to give us everything. It's just not true. I sucked speaking on stage. Matter of fact, I was terrified of it, terrified.

Leave your growth to randomness (30:34)

But one reason I love your show is because I had that intention of I want to make an impact. And when someone actually asks and kind of owns that, like, when they say, do I want to make an impact? And the answer is yes, and they own it, they realize they're going to have to develop. They can no longer leave their growth to randomness because if they do, they'll always be mediocre. And they realize, I got to become something entirely above both of those. That's what most people don't see. They're like, we've made this binary false conversation. It's not a true choice here. It's a false dichotomy, we call it. It's not strengths or weaknesses. Many of you, if you have a big dream, a huge goal, you got to become something entirely above and beyond. Any strengths you even know about, feel or own and go way beyond any weaknesses you've ever even addressed or even you know about because you're going to discover so many new strengths and so many new weaknesses on the path that it's almost irrelevant what they are now. It's what's the goal and build into that. You know, I didn't know how to write. I get a lot of critics who are like literary guys about my books because every book is different, right? Six books, all of them different. And the reason they all read differently is I am challenging myself as a writer to develop, to get better. Every book I write, I'm going to write this like nothing I've ever written before. And I go to work at building a new skill set to be able to write. Like, manifesto, I researched for two and a half years just how to write it. Not what to write, how, how do I get that pentameter? How do I, what was the rhythm in which revolutionist rhetoric was spoken in or written in just to understand that took me two and a half years?

Rebellion: A Language of Its Own (32:22)

So I have no conceptual understanding of it. It wasn't a strength. I didn't even, it wasn't on my radar. And what does that process of skill acquisition look like? Yeah. First and foremost, starts with identifying. I would even start with the skill. I would start with the self. You know, in the chapter on seeking clarity, we say it's like what we found for high performers is they've identified these four things. They're more intentional these four areas. Number one is high performers are consistently seeking clarity. And who do I want to be? And I know a lot of people do that when they turn 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70. And people do that at New Year's. But high performers are doing that like in every situation. Like before I, when I walked down the stairs, she was like, who do I want to be in this interview right now with my friend Tom? Like I want to do a good job for him. You know, I made that performance necessity on myself. Like I want to do a good job. So I was like, well, I want to be present and I want to be enthusiastic. I want to be bold. Like I want to be those things. High performers are constantly seeking clarity about how they want to interact with other people. And I think a big development growth point for people is determining how do I really want to treat people when they don't agree with me or when they're hating on me or when they're discounting me or they're being mean to me or we're in a fight because I think some of those are the greatest growth areas of our life. And then high performers are very clear about the critical skills they must develop in order to succeed in their space. You know, they identify, usually, we found they usually know three to five current skills they're working on. So another example for me was video. I was very awkward and uncomfortable in front of video. I know the feeling. Right. Yeah. All right. But you said, okay, if I'm going to make an impact, I'd better figure that out. I'd better figure that out. And so you go to work. You put in the miles, you try because learning is the ultimate lever to leveling up. We actually have a math equation, if I may, which I think is where you're headed. But I loved this equation so much. Passion plus growth plus contribution equals personal satisfaction. Yeah. Yeah. It's like those all coming together, a lot of people have never experienced. And it's hard for you and I to say that as personal development guys. But it's true. There's a lot of people who have never had those three completely line up so they're not satisfied even with their job or their career or their life because the passion isn't there. Even if the passions are they don't feel like they're growing. But everybody I talk to, do you remember that first personal development book you read? Do you remember that first time you wrote tons of notes about what you wanted your life to be about? Do you remember that first time you watched the movie inspired you to go change? There was fire there because that learning, it opened up your mind to a new level of existence for you. And as soon as you saw it, you were like, "Ooh, ambition hits your heart." And now if you can match it with contribution and you can see how that passion or that fire or that learning or that growth all aligns to some type of impact, now you're getting me fired up because now I can see the outcome of all the work. A lot of people don't do the work because they don't believe the outcome. That's interesting. You know, if a psychologist talk about the power of expectancy, when we talk about motivation, there's only two things that spark motivation. One is ambition and that is I want more of or I want a greater depth of, right? I want a greater depth of connection with my lady, that's ambition. Where I want a better meditative practice, that's ambition, right? I want to be better at my job, that's ambition. So it starts with ambition. But ambition, if it's not coupled with what they call expectancy and psychology, you're screwed. Expectancy says, "I believe that I can figure that out. I believe that I can achieve that. I believe that that is possible for me." Because if we don't believe it's possible for me, you can show them all the results from a thousand people, right? How many people say, "I want to get in great shape?" You know, Tom, I'm a new ketosis. I'm doing the ketosis thing, man. And they hop on your Instagram and they see the cuts, they see the changes, they see the transformations, but they don't believe it's possible for them. So they don't try. Expectancy is their problem. You got to bust through the beliefs to get them to understand that it is possible for them, not for other people, for them. And if you can open that gate for somebody and often that's only achieved through learning, then you get somebody who starts really moving ahead for it. I mean, really moving ahead. Like the second they go, "Wait, that's possible for me." They'll try 50 stupid things, right? They'll try anything. But if they don't believe it's possible for them, they'll just quit. Do you have within this context, so obviously, seek help is first and foremost. But beyond that, what does that rebuilding process look like for somebody who's trapped in depression and suicidal thoughts?

Tips And Resources For Daily Success

An Uphill Battle (37:32)

Yeah. I've been there a lot in my life, especially before my car accident, my teenage years. Then the first woman I ever loved, we had a big breakup and that breakup set me down in depression and suicidal planning. And it's tough to dispense advice to people other than get help. And I'll share why because that time in my life, I had so many people coming up to me, my friends would come into my dorm room, "Brenning, let's go do something." And you just, the hope is lost. And what people, I think, make the mistake of trying to do is height people up. Everything's going to be okay. You're going to be great. And what people need who are suicidal is serious psychological intervention. They need to seek support and help. And outside of that, when they do get that support, the first thing a great therapist is going to do, outside of the emotional reflection work of why are you here and what is caused this sort of pattern for you, they're going to get you starting to get some momentum. The most important thing is when you are super down, outside of finding that emotional reasoning for where you are, is to start getting momentum. Because with momentum comes hope, with momentum, comes motivation, with momentum comes that feeling that there's a reason for tomorrow. And so it's as simple as just saying, "Okay, what are three things I'm going to do today?" And I don't mean that like a lot of personal development guys would say, "Well, you're three big goals for the day. I'm like, dude, sometimes that first goal is, I'm going to shower today. I'm really in shower today. I'm going to walk to the library and come home." And that's all they got. Literally, that's all they got. And you got to honor that struggle when you're in that place. Know that where you're at, it is okay that you're there. And now you're going to need help. And now you're going to have to set up some daily practices just every day. Win a little bit. Not like win your dreams, not like crush through goals, not like be badass, not like no, just momentum, man. Most of the guys I've dealt with in that position who were suicidal outside of their therapeutic work, I said, "The most important thing you can do is win the morning. Just win the morning, man." I think that's true for all of us, even high performers. Like, I don't have my morning routine game. I feel out of sorts. So I think it's true for everybody.

Tips for conquering the morning routine and winning the day. (40:16)

You got to own your morning. You got to win it because that starts and sets up everything else. I know you believe that as well. People need that discipline, those routines that will help the rest of their day go better. And I don't want to ever be flippant with the advice to people who are dealing with that situation outside of get some help, get some momentum, and be okay if that momentum is really small because it will build. Trust that that momentum builds and trust that those gloomy and bad dark days, trust that those are going to be there. They'll get less and less and less as you learn how to cope, but they're going to be there. And so when they're there, outside of teaching people to bring the joy in my life, I teach people to honor the struggle, honor the difficulty. When we honor the struggle and say, "I hate the struggle," we can really achieve extraordinary things because our mindset's in the right place. It accepts. As soon as you honor the struggle, you accept that, "Oh, of course, there should be struggle here. I should honor this process." When you go to the gym to work out, you honor that this is going to be hard and it honored that process of getting better. And the more that you bring honor to it, the more your psyche builds with strength and you get a little bit of that esteem back because you see yourself engaging something versus avoiding it and running away. You see yourself connecting with something and giving it reverence. Like, I have reverence for the difficulties of life. They may be better. So I don't want a friction-free life. I'm not interested in it. You know, I like to say sometimes that the journey to greatness begins the moment that our deep desires for comfort and ease are overpowered by our desires to connect and contribute. I love that, man. Where can these guys find you online before I ask my final question? Just you know what? It's I saw it. I remember seeing this way back. Oprah had And I thought, "How cool would we have to have your name?" .com. Now, I sought this kid out. So I went to and this guy, he had his resume up there. And that's all he had was a resume. So I emailed the guy and I'm like, "Hey, man, I really loved to own this website. Could I buy it from me?" He goes, "No, it's my name." I'm like, "Dang it." And he says, "No, you know, I got my mom. She's got an email. We have an email associated with the domain." All the stuff. I said, "Oh, man." All right. So I said it in my calendar. Every six months for six years. My calendar would go off and I'd email him again. Email him again. Email him again. Email him. It took six years. And with six years, he said, "You know what? Yeah. I'd be interested in that conversation. Sold it." So I got I'm really happy about that. Really thrilled about a stupid story. But I was like, "Yes! Determination!" So, follow me on Instagram @Brenvershard. Check out my YouTube channel because I think anything you're going through in your life, you can hit my YouTube channel and there's over 100 plus videos of something. Nice. Yeah. All right. Last question. What is the impact that you want to have on the world? Oh! It is hard one. You know, it's so simple. Like when you get, the life is really short and you felt that before, either by you were threatened or you've had some near-and-dear die. But when you have that real essence in you that says, "Life is short. Have reverence for it. Live it." That's a really big thing. I got that at 19 and I learned specifically that if we have a moment of cognition before the end of our life, we tend to ask questions to evaluate if we're happy. So if I have any impact in the world, it's going to come from that experience where I learned that the ultimate lesson is determine what the questions you're going to ask at the end of your life are going to be. Find out those questions. What will you ask at the end of your life to evaluate your life so that you would know if you were happy with your life? Like, figure out those questions and then live each day intentionally so you're happy with the answers at the end. For me, the questions I had were, "Did I live?" Which I hadn't. I hadn't been living my life. I've been thinking about taking my life. "Did I love?" No, my heart was broken and I put up all these walls to keep out other people and I would say, "Sometimes the walls we put up to keep out the bad guys, prevent the good guys from getting in and suddenly in our own self-protection we block out the very thing we want," which is connection. And I learned that I would ask, "Did I matter?" 22 years ago, on a dark Caribbean night, I'm standing on the crumpled hood of a car bleeding out. My friend, I just wrecked a car. He's screaming at the top of his lungs. He's bleeding. We don't know if we're going to live. And I'm standing on the hood of this car looking down to all this blood and I'm in terror. And I just remember looking down at the hood and just thinking, "Did I even matter?" And I hated the answer at that time in life because I'm a 19-year-old kid. I didn't know about impact theory. For real, I didn't know to think about that. You know, young kids sometimes, they don't know to think about that. I didn't know to think about legacy, meaning, "Did I matter?" I didn't think I did. But the good news is, I'm a good learner. And I felt like I got a second chance from God that night. And I learned that it was really important for me to figure out how do I live and how do I love and how do I matter in such a way that if I face my death again, I'll know I've earned the second chance. And so what I want to tell people and the impact I want is I just want people to know, know your questions man, live intentionally, and earn the life that you've been given because this moment's a blessing. So earn this moment and live intentionally. I love it man. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you. I appreciate it. My pleasure. Guys, this is somebody you are going to want to read this book, what I love about it.


It is literally an instruction manual on what to do. So he goes into the research. All this stuff is backed up by what he's been studying for essentially 20 years. They go hardcore for three years compiling the data. It is insanely usable information and it's real at times counterintuitive, at times exactly what you expect. But backed up then with the following steps that you're going to want to take. Like you said, they use stories and things to really draw you in just literally from top to bottom. I was amazed. But the best part when you see the way that this guy lives his life on camera and off camera, it's all an echo of the stuff that you see in the book. So you have one shining amazing incredible example of what this looks like when it's taken to the extremes.

Closing Remarks

TOM SIGNING OFF... (47:31)

And if you didn't hear that, the man went from dead broke in bankruptcy to multi-millionaire in 18 months by making things a necessity. If you take nothing else out of this episode, necessity, you don't get what you want. You get what you need. Certainly smarter men than I have said that. But that is true. You're not going to get what you want in life. Once you make it a burning, crushing need, the thing that you must have happen, then it will happen. And he walks you through that, the steps that you follow and many, many other things guys. So dive in. And like you said, check out his YouTube page. It is extraordinary. All right. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Yeah, this is awesome. Oh, my gosh. Hey, everybody. Thank you so much for watching and being a part of this community. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. You're going to get weekly videos on building a growth mindset, cultivating grit, and unlocking your full potential.

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