If You Feel Fear or Anxiety, Listen to This | Trent Shelton on Impact Theory | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "If You Feel Fear or Anxiety, Listen to This | Trent Shelton on Impact Theory".
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Why do you think it's important to move towards things that scare you? Because on the other side of that is your growth. On the other side of that is strength. Even in going through pain, like I look at pain as a positive thing. I'm not talking about putting yourself through pain on purpose, but it's just like working out. You know, the only way you're going to get strength in your life is if you go through that hard moment, that tough moment. I wouldn't have a story if it wasn't for the sucky times in my life. I wouldn't have a story if it wasn't for me going through my depressed moment. So realize this. Just because it's a chapter, it doesn't mean it's your whole story. So for me, I just understand that it's very important to embrace pain, to go through it, because I believe the foundation of all strength is pain. Hey everybody, welcome to Impact Theory.
Trent Shelton'S Journey
Who is Trent Shelton? (01:00)
Today's guest is a former NFL wide receiver and one of the biggest social influencers on the planet. His roughly 10 million followers on Facebook alone gets hundreds of thousands of shares per post, has a cumulative social reach of nearly 100 million people, and he's generated more than 1 billion views worldwide. He's considered by many to be one of the most impactful speakers of his entire generation, and as a result, he's been invited to bring his unique blend of motivation, wisdom, and performance art to stages from the US to Fiji to South Africa, and just about everywhere in between. A powerful orator with a home gift for spoken word, he's able to get through to a lot of people that otherwise feel alienated from the very idea of self-help, with a raw no-holds-barred approach that absolutely drips with authenticity. He draws people in and gets them to take responsibility for themselves, and begin taking the concrete steps that will help them actually improve their lives. So please, help me in welcoming the founder and president of the nonprofit organization Rehab Time, the author of "The Greatest You," and the only man I know that can make poetry sound cool as hell. Trent Shelton. Welcome.
How Trent stepped out of his introverted personality (02:23)
Thanks for having me, this is great. Now you got people out here in force for you today, dude. Man, it's cool. Love, man, I appreciate it. No question, getting to know you has been really, really cool. The first time we met, you were really quiet. You definitely made good on the notion that you're secretly an introvert. Yeah, for sure. Like, actually out for people. Yeah, for sure. That is true. You're not somebody who needs the spotlight, but you've done an extraordinary job of impacting people's lives. And the whole notion that you have of your perspective can be your prison, I find really interesting. And I think a lot of people would have leaned into this while I'm an NFL guy, I'm introverted. Never going to get up on stage, it's never going to be my shtick. How did you come to be the person that we all know today? Well, with me being an introvert, it doesn't mean I'm shy. You know, I always like to tell people, like, I think one of my greatest abilities, and I think one of the greatest abilities of people is being a listener. And so I'm always observing, I'm always listening, I'm always, you know, looking out for a new idea. So when I'm quiet, I'm usually thinking, you know, and my grandma told me this a long time ago, and I'll never forget it, bless her. So she said, when you speak, make sure your words count and people will listen. And so I just try to make my words count when I speak. And I never wanted to be a speaker, man. It wasn't like I grew up, it was like, that's my goal, I want to be a speaker, you know, nah, it wasn't that. It was, we'd get into the story, but it was me losing my NFL career and kind of getting forced into a stage that I didn't want to do it. But my friend forced me in, I found my power in that moment, I was like, "Ain, this is what I was created to do." Like, I really knew it, you know, that feeling?
His first speaking engagement (03:53)
And ever since then, man, it's been history. Now, the first time that you spoke was in front of 5,000 people. Yeah, the first. Yeah, the first big one. And so like-- That's pretty crazy. Like, walk me through if you're not-- 'Cause you've said that that was your biggest fear of getting up in front of people. So how did you get to the point where you could walk on stage? Like, that-- I've done a lot of speaking. 5,000 is a big fucking number. Like, that's not for play. And it was kids, too. So that's even worse, man. You know, 'cause I'm like, I know teenagers, I know how I was when I was a teenager, I'm like, "Ah." So my friend, his name is Jonathan Evans, and he reached out to me, and he talked me into it, man. And I was like, he used the notion of, "Are you scared this whole process?" And I was like, "It's just five minutes." And you know, when you first started speaking, five minutes seems like five hours. So I said, "You know what? Let me do it." I said, "I can go up there and talk about sports. They'll think it's cool, and I'll get off the stage." So that whole night before, like, I prepared it like it was like a literally a rap verse. I knew everything. I was like, "I'm gonna hit him right here. I got to memorize. I am good." So I get to the event, and I'm backstage, and Jonathan comes up to me. He's like, "Are you scared?" And I was like, "Yeah, bro. I'm really scared right now." He was like, "Man, don't worry about it. Man, they'll love you. They'll love you." He's like, "Plus, you got your tattoos out. They'll just relate to you. I think you're a rapper anyway." So I get on stage, and I remember looking out, and 5,000 kids were looking at me, and gaming that look in my house was like, "What is this guy about to talk about?" And I literally grabbed the microphone, and I went blank. I forgot everything I prepared. Stage, right? And in that moment, I remember telling myself this, you got a choice right now. Either you can fold, or you can step up. Either you can sink, or you can swim. And I just said, "Go from the heart." And it connected with those kids, like I've never seen before. Those kids were quiet. Their eyes were big. After I got off the stage, they were asking me all these questions about life. I'm like, "I don't know everything." They're like, "What?" And in that moment, I was actually supposed to go to New Orleans the next day for an arena football. I signed with him, and I said, "You know what I'm not doing it." And I called the coach, and the coach, he literally hung up in my face. He's like, "What are you going to do?" I was like, "I'm going to be a speaker." I'm a rehab time. He was like, "What's that?" And I was like, "It's just going to be a speaker, man." He hung up quick. It's like, "Good luck." And he hung up. And then I called my friends and my mom, and those conversations didn't go like I thought they would go. You know, it wasn't my mom. She was supportive, but she was worried out of protection. And that's when rehab time started. I didn't have any followers. And I walked into my purpose, like without... That's really stepping out on faith, and I did it. There's so much there I want to talk about. I want to go back though to something you said that I never picked up on in your story before. You said that he came at me, your friend who got you to speak. He came at me saying, "Is this a fear thing? Was he poking you about it? Like, "Oh, man, come on. You can't be afraid of this?" Yeah, he was using that like the man thing, right? Are you scared? And I was like, "No, I'm not scared." And he just kept on coming at me. And Jonathan, he's the type of guy that it's hard for you to say no to. He's just a guy to get you to do things in a positive way. And yeah, he used that against me. He's like, "Man, I know you. If you were to rap, you wouldn't be scared playing football. You're not scared. This is to impact kids. Or are you so scared?" And I was like, "I'm not scared. I just don't want to do it. I want to play football. I'm not a speaker. That's not my gift." He was like, "I think you'll surprise yourself." And literally him pushing me on that stage changed my life forever. It's incredible. I love that he came after you like that. And I don't actually don't know how you feel about that.
Pushing past fear (07:19)
The using tactics like that to me, I'm all for. I use it all myself for sure. Like when I don't want to do something, I'll push myself to toughen up, man up, like whatever language people use. But that's for sure what I tell myself. Do you use those kind of techniques on yourself? How do you do that? Big time. I call them leverage questions. And I gain leverage on myself all the time. Even when I'm speaking backstage, I always tell people as a speaker, I think if you're nervous, if you're scared, you're too into yourself. You're worried about you. You're worried about how you're going to sound. And as a speaker, your job is to be a servant. Your job is to go out there and serve them. Start worrying about how you look, how you sound, and get more into serving. And so I would tell myself, like, you're being selfish right now. And I was like, I don't want to be selfish. You know? And so even when I'm scared or I have fear, I'll go to the point where my kids, like I'll go there. Like my kids depend on you. Like I was actually running today by running a can. And I was like, if I quit on here, I'm quitting on my kids. It's just things like that keep me pushing. As a sports player, I think it comes from that background. Yeah, leverage questions. I'd like that.
Why it's important to move past fear (08:20)
Yeah, leverage questions. Why do you think it's important to move towards things that scare you? Because on the other side of that is your growth. On the other side of that is strength. Even in going through pain, like I look at pain as a positive thing. I'm not talking about putting yourself through pain on purpose, but it's just like working out. You know, the only way you're going to get strength in your life is if you go through that hard moment, that tough moment. I wouldn't have a story if it wasn't for the sucky times in my life. I wouldn't have a story if it wasn't for me going through my depressed moment. So realize this. Just because it's a chapter, it doesn't mean it's your whole story. So for me, I just understand that it's very important to embrace pain, to go through it, because I believe the foundation of all strength is pain. All right, so speaking of chapters, I think that one of the most interesting thing that anybody can put themselves through is becoming a professional athlete.
The Champion Mindset (09:06)
Yeah. And I get that it sort of wrapped up, but you talk a lot in the book about a champion's mindset. Yeah. How did you get to the point where you could push yourself as hard as you did to get into the NFL? I mean, that's really extraordinary. You're a stat. What's the stat about the number of people actually getting to the NFL? It's less than 1%. It's like 0.000 points. It's crazy. And I told my son the other day, he's like, "I'm gonna make it to NFL." I was like, "You had to be working hard at 99% of the people in the world." You know, it's very, very hard. And for me, it was all I ever wanted to do. It was like no other option for me. So that's the powerful thing about tunnel vision is that when you really focus on something, you really want it, it's very possible. But the thing is, a lot of people aren't willing to go through the hard times, putting the work when nobody's looking. I think I tell my son all the time, I'm like, "Okay, you went to track practice, but guess what? This is something that everybody does. What are you gonna do that your teammates aren't doing? Because you don't have to just be the best on your team. You got to be the best in your city, the best in your state. One of the best in the world to be able to make it." So it's a whole different level of commitment. And that's where that championship mindset, it came to me from. I want to talk about that. So I don't know how much you know about Will Smith, but watching him from afar has been really, really intriguing. And he talked about on when they were doing the karate kid with his son. And his son got hurt, like he injured his knee and Will was like, "Fucking on him." He's like, "You got to get back out there. You got to push." And Jayden's response, and he was way young. So he cut him slack, but he was like, "I want mom." And like, goes over with his mom. And people were like, "Will, why are you pushing him so hard?" And he said, "I'm teaching my son how to hunt." And I thought, like, gives me the chills now. Like, I thought that shit was really powerful.
Help People Create Desire (10:54)
How do you think about that with your son? Do you worry about pushing too hard? Do you worry about not pushing enough? Like, what does that relationship look like? So with Tristan, I push him, but I want him to want it. I don't want him to want it because Daddy wants it for him. Because to me, that's great. But if I got to push you to do something, I'm there to support you. But if I got to push you to do it, it means you really don't want to do it. So this whole process, I mean, he's 10 years old, and people thought, like, you see kids playing at five and six, and their dad is like, going super hard on their kids. And I get it. But at the end of the day, I want him to want sports. I want him to want football. Like, you want to be a doctor? That's fine with me, but you got to understand, the same mindset to be successful, you can take that in any field. So you're going to play sports for the simple fact that I know this can build you up for whatever you want to do. It teaches you perseverance. It teaches you how to handle pressure moments. It teaches you how to work hard. The ethics of like sports is great. But at the end of the day, I'm like, Tristan, I can want you to be a superstar, but when you really want it, like when it's like, when you want to, when you wake up at 6 a.m. Without me waking you up, when you say, hey, I want to go work on routes without me telling you, that's when you'll be a beast, and that's when you'll be super successful at it. When did you start wanting success in football that badly? When I was 6. Wow, man. What drove that? Probably want to be better than my two older brothers, but what really helped me was, blessed enough I was able to live across the street from a professional football player. And it made it very tangible for me, seeing like, because you know, you're growing up, you see these sport, your heroes is like, you know, you think they're not human. And so I was able to humanize like, the dream at that moment in my life. I'm like, oh, this dude is just working hard. He's running around the block, just like other people. And I got around that my uncle, he still coaches for the Chargers, but he was coaching even back then when I was a little kid. So I was blessed enough to be around it. I got to see Jerry Rice, I got to see T.O. And so it made it real for me. So I'm like, if they can do it, they breathe just like I breathe, you know, they just work hard and they just want it. And so at that moment, I realized that it's super possible, but I knew I had to put in the work to actually make it a reality for me. Dude, I love that. I wish I had encountered that when I was young. The bad news is, I don't know that it would have resonated with me when I was a kid. Yeah. I was not prepared to push myself physically to get good at something. When I was young, it was always about the easiest path for me. And I think about this a lot with people in my community. And I know you'll get this because you've such a thriving community. Yeah. But the one thing I come back to all the time is, I can't want it for you. That's right. And so the thing that haunts my dreams is, how do you help people create desire? And should you? What do you think about that? Like, so there's the whole Buddhist phrase that all of suffering is born of desire, which I actually think is true. And yet, I think some of the greatest joys are born of desire. And so my thing is, I've gone all the fuck way in on desire. Like building desire to want something, to need it, even though objectively it, like there's really nothing to it. How do you think about want and desire? Well, the leverage that I use with my supporters is, I mean, at the end of the day, people say, "Trend you change my life." And I'm totally against that. Like, I'm like, I didn't change your life. I'm not a life changer. I just plant seeds. Like, you had to make the decision to actually apply and actually do it. But I use the leverage question of, when you get to your last day on Earth, when you're sick, are you going to look back and realize that you wasted your whole entire life, settling for less, not being who you're created to be? And even with myself, like, I don't want to look back on life like that. I don't want to go to my grave when in completion. So I talked to them like that. Some of you are going to go to your grave site when in completion. I don't know who said this quote, but they said, you know, the richest place in the world is in the graveyard. And it's true because there's so many dreams, talents, and visions in there that people, for whatever reason, fear, you know, just life, they never unwrap those gifts. And when I talked to them about that, I used to actually, this might seem weird, but I used to actually go to the cemetery. Yep. And I would bring one of my friends with me and I would say, bro, we walked around there and it's like, this is reality. Like, we're going to be here. And we walked around and we looked at the tombstones. And like, death has no, you know, has no age. There were people that were three, people that were 80. And it's like, I'm going to be here one day. And when I'm here, I want to have a fulfilled life. I don't want people to talk about me at a funeral and makeup stuff. I want it to be like, Trent really served this world. And he really used his life, not just for himself, but to impact other people. And so I'm just, I know I go back to leverage, but I'm big on that. And that like flips a switch from me like, time is ticking. And so you either can waste your day or you can do something with it. One of the chapters in your book, if I'm not mistaken, it was the last chapter, is about legacy.
Yeah. How do you think about legacy? I like personally, I don't think a lot about legacy. I think a lot about phases of our lives. So I fully resonate with what you're saying about walking around the graveyard, which I would fucking love to do someday that would be real. But how do you conceptualize that? Do you have markers in your head about what you're striving towards? Like, how deep do you go in sort of the like, we're all headed to the grave? Yeah, I don't get to the particular parts of it, like, you know, like how my funeral's gonna be set up, that creeps me up. So I don't get that end up. But I do think about like the question that I ask myself, and it's come up a lot more to me, you know, and I haven't figured out why. But I ask myself, you know, like, what really matters? And there's a quote by Bob Goff, and I'm probably not gonna get this right. But he said basically like, his biggest fear was like being successful at the wrong things. And the quote is like way more beautiful than that. But I'm paraphrasing, he's like, I used to have a fear of not succeeding, but my fear now is succeeding at the wrong things. And I think about that a lot. Like what's really gonna matter at the end of my life? And I literally prioritize my life around that. I heard you say something once you want to talk about, I'm in a butcher, one of your just insanely eloquent and beautiful quotes. But you said, you're not a success unless you're a success to your family.
Rehab process (17:08)
Yeah. And I thought that was really interesting, something because I don't have kids that don't spend a lot of time talking about. But I do think a lot about what my wife thinks of me. Like that's a far more powerful motivator to me. And then you talked about how basically how do you feel about yourself? And if you don't feel good about yourself, then you've got some fundamental flaw that you need to address. How do you help people begin to take stock of where they're at with themselves? Reality. So I have a rehab process and the first R is reality. It's facing reality. Too many people run from it. You know, my quota is you're never when you're a war by running from your battles. And so you got to step up and you got to face it. I don't care what it is, it might be something in your past, it might suck to face it. For me, it was facing that my dream was over, my identity. So for somebody watching this, it might be a relationship, it might be a job. But I kept running. And the thing about it, like you can run all you want, but reality is going to be right there when you stop and it's going to chase you. Or even if it doesn't chase you, it's going to be right there. You have to face it. So I really let people know that acknowledgement is power. People think if I acknowledge that I'm hurt or I need help, I need help is the most powerful thing that you can say. And I'll realize that with my life. Because immediately you have people that are going to help you and grow your life, exposing yourself, like in a positive way, obviously. But expose yourself. We think that we always have to be so sheltered that we have to be so strong, especially with the social media world. It's like, oh, I have to have everything together. That's like a silent depression that's going to happen. When you suppress things like that, when you smile for the camera, but die behind the scenes, which I did so well for so long in my life, you're never going to fool the person that you see in the mirror every single day. So I'm really comfortable with saying, I suck at this. I need help. And literally in my business life and my personal life, in the last year, it's been the greatest year of my life. Just by asking for help and exposing my weaknesses and certain areas. Yeah, it's interesting. Your obsession with authenticity, with being really who you are at all times, I think is really cool to see you get the kind of community that you've gotten around that being vulnerable and opening yourself up.
Improve Yourself (19:07)
But what I find really interesting is you're also the flip side of the coin. So as you were talking, I was like, he's absolutely right. But the reason that I'm willing to listen to you about it is because you're also driven, you're trying to improve yourself. You are trying to be great. You are trying to be strong and tough. You're just not afraid to. I'm not afraid. Yeah. Like, how do you do both? I'm real with myself. And I'm honest, we're humans. Everybody isn't on all the time. We all have our struggles, our silent battles, I like to call them. And instead of ignoring those silent battles, I let them out. But yes, I am a person that will tell you, make the world respect your greatness. I'm very firm on that. I'm a person that believes in myself. I'm a person that wants you because I believe that's contagious. Like, even with social media, I feel like that's what really grew my platform. As people looked at my life, not because of my knowledge or whatever, it's like Trent really believes this. Like, he really does. He really lives it. He really doesn't just talk it or type it. He lives it. And that's a big thing for me. You know, I can tell people a secret, right? Be transparent, like in a real way, because that creates connection. Now it's like, I can relate to that person. You know, growing up in the church, I'm gonna be real with you, Tom. Like, I would watch pastors and preachers, and I would be like, I could never be them. Because it was always perfection. I was like, I can never be them. So I just chose a different lifestyle. But now when I see people like, say, you know what? I struggle with this. I struggle with addiction. That doesn't mean you're not awesome, because you have addictions. Everybody has addictions. Everybody has battles. Some people just hide there's better. So I relate more to that, because now it becomes attainable. Now you become relatable to me. And I can be like, wow, like I can still go through this. It's nothing wrong with me. I'm a human. I'm gonna have my insecurities, my flaws, and I can actually grow from it. So I think we need more examples of the world of that. And that's what I just try to give people as much as I can. You have a great way of like packaging things up and these really memorable phrases. One that you said earlier that I want to get back to is, you said a lot of people never unwrap their gift. Yeah. And that really hit me. What does that look like? Like, how does one unwrap their gift? Yeah. It's a process. This is the process of, I think, face and fear. I mean, and we can talk about fear for it. Like, because face and fear is super important. And we can talk about like my process with that, I think, in order to unwrap your gift. So I'm not gonna go into my skylop story. That'll take forever. But I realize like what fear is, right? And for me, fear is creating a known result, right? From a situation you have an experience. And so when I used to go back to football, when I would be scared to go out there and perform, I'd be like, you know what? I'm gonna drop the ball. I'm gonna miss a pass and the whole crowd of 80,000 people is gonna be like, ah, so I'm like, I'm scared now. Stage, when I'm on stage before I was speaking, what do you think I was thinking? I'm gonna freeze up again. Nobody's gonna care. All of these things, I realized that I was creating a result before I ever experienced it. And so I said, hmm, if that's the case, I need to create something better on the other side of that door. Something more empowering. That's gonna force me to actually go through the door. So now when I speak, I say, you know what? I'm gonna impact at least one life. So go out there and do it. You know, when it comes to my skydiving, of course that thing was the parachute's not gonna open. You're gonna die. Of course you're not gonna jump out of the plane. But I immediately changed that to this is gonna be the most incredible thing and also leverage where now I can use this in every area of my life because I conquered my biggest fear. So people out there that are going through fear for moments, it's kind of like this, you will never step into the ring if you're already telling yourself that you're gonna lose before the fight. You'll never do that. Like, why would you? Right? So tell yourself you're gonna win. Even if you get knocked down, guess what? You're never knocked out in life until you actually tap out to your last day. So figure out that leverage point with your fear what's gonna help you walk through the door. And then you have to just give it to the world. I never knew speaking was my gift until I actually went out there and failed. Actually went out there and embarrassed myself. And I realized like, wow, this is what I was created to do. And I knew that because I like to put it like this. And I hope they get it that's watching this. But I've never had so much like peace in the midst of like fear. Never had so much confidence in the midst of like my weakness in that moment. And so when it comes to gifts, think about it like this.
Finding Your Purpose (23:40)
Like when someone gives you a physical gift, like Christmas in your birthday, what do you do? You unwrap it, you show it to the world, you put it on Instagram. You got the same gift inside you that the world needs. And you're doing the world of disservice by leaving your gift wrapped up. Somebody needs your story. My mom told me this and I'll never forget. She said, "Trent, you're assigned to reach people. I don't know how many, but you're assigned to reach people that nobody else can reach but you." She said, "Everybody has that." And the more you leave your gift wrapped, those people that need your message, that need your encouragement, whatever it is, that need your talent, they're never going to get it. And you're not going to leave this world a better place. I know people watching right now are thinking one question. What is my gift? Yeah. I want to unwrap it all day long. Yeah. How do people identify what their gift is enough to be able to unwrap it? This is a good question. This is deep. So can we talk about purpose for a minute and go into this?
You are purpose (24:35)
So this is my way of purpose. And I've never heard nobody talk about this. And some people might be like, "That's not right." But everybody tells you to find your purpose, right? And I'm just like, "Where?" Like, who has your purpose? Like the world, doubt the world has your purpose. The world might have your validation of who you are. They might be like, "Oh, you're great at this." And so they give you that validation. Talk about this in the book. I believe, and I realized this like last year, and I actually wrote this chapter. I went back and I changed it all because I'm like, I'm telling people telling people to search for purpose. I believe you are purpose. I believe you are purpose. You're created for purpose. Like we noticed that this is like a zero percent chance of you being you. You are that. So when you operate from there and it gives you that confidence that I am that, it's not something I've searched for. You can take your life wherever you want to take it. What you're looking for is placement. Right? It's like, so for me, rehab time is not my purpose. It's my placement. Interesting. I can take Trent to down the street and go impact lives, because I am purpose, right? Football, if my mom is right back then, I could use that platform to be who I am. So you can take your life anywhere. And I want people to know that because some people think when you lose your dream or you lose something that it's over. But you didn't lose who you are. You lost that thing, that placement. So that's what I think about purpose. And I would tell people like, understand what your magnet is. And when it comes to that, ask people. And so when I look back over my life, ever since I was five years old, people have been telling me I had this gift. But I was so focused on what I wanted to do, that I couldn't even hear that. Yeah, that's really interesting to me. The notion of the difference between what you want and where you thrive. That's definitely using my words, not yours. But that whole dynamic is interesting.
Personal Growth And Perspective
Utilizing the realism (26:28)
Another thing that you've said that I'm really drawn to is, I think you were talking at one point and you said, hey, if you've got a garbage part of your personality, don't pretend that it's not there. Don't pretend it doesn't need to be improved. Like address that, make the change. Yeah. And that, it's that realism of you've got the painting, the picture of the dream and the gift. And you are a purpose and all that. But also recognize that you may have these really dysfunctional parts of your personality. How can people address a dysfunctional part of their personality? Yeah, I think you just have to face it and deal with it. Like, I think it's just too hard to suppress it. It's too hard to ignore it. And so you have to be honest with yourself and true for which yourself. And I think a lot of times what it is is, for me, I was expecting things from people that I wasn't giving to people. And so that's very, very selfish. So I had to look at myself and say, you know what? This part of my personality needs to be changed and needs to be fixed. So it's that reality that you have to have with yourself and that truthfulness. And not knowing that it doesn't make you weak by admitting these things. It doesn't make you less by admitting these things. And I'll bring it back to social media because just this generation, it's the filter life. Even in real life, everybody wants to put up this filter and they think that's their superpower. But your superpower is literally just being real. And that's where you grow at. Like, you have to acknowledge that I need help in this area. I have thoughts. I have flaws right here. Let me fix these things. And that's going to make you more of a superhuman. You just mentioned suppression.
Agreement and suppression. (28:07)
You've talked about how suppression leads to depression. Yeah. Talk to me about that. Why does that happen and why does it matter? It matters a lot. You know, just to even, for me, even to get to that point of understanding that, you know, my college, one of my best friends committed suicide. And that changed my life. Like, when we talk about going to the graveyard, it was right around, right after that time when I started thinking about life and what's going on. And I realized that he was suppressing so many things. He didn't have an outlet. And I mean, if we take from a physical standpoint, I mean, if you keep suppressing something, what's going to happen? It's going to explode at one point. And so what you don't face are things that, you know, you don't fix. And so for me, it's about letting it out. You know, a lot of my videos, people don't realize like, therapy is not a weakness, especially as for men, like go to therapy. Have somebody you can talk to, have a brotherhood, a manhood, have somebody you can, same thing with women. You got to have your click of people where you can have open dialogue without being judged, to be able to let these emotions out. Because those, if you don't deal with your pain, your pain will definitely deal with you. It will. And I've been there before. I've been, like I said, the person that would say, I'm okay when I'm not okay. When I was sitting in my mom's room, my mom would say, "Trena, you good? Yeah, I'm good." When I wasn't good at all. And I got to those moments where I don't know if it was suicidal thoughts, but I didn't care about living. If something happened to me, it might be better off because my life is over. That's the way I felt. And so I had to let those things out in my way at that time was music. With your mindset, how are you dealing with your mom's cancer? Yeah, it's hard. It's very hard.
Dealing with health issues. (29:44)
My mom had cancer and what made it hard was she beat stage for a living in breast. And I'm with her at our last treatment. She rings the bell. She's like, "Trena, I don't feel..." It's on my Instagram. Like, where she runs the bell, she says, "Trena, I don't feel..." Something don't feel right. I'm like, "Mama, you're all right. You just sing your mind." She goes to the doctor that next, maybe two days later, and they find out after a test that she has brain cancer. So at that moment, I'm like, "It's not fair." And I start questioning my faith. And I have to do a deep search and a deep dive of understanding and finding a perspective. My perspective was my prison at that point. And what really helped my perspective, and I wish it wouldn't have helped, but it did. My best friend's mother died in her sleep. Didn't have anything. And so I told my mom, I was like, "Mom, as much as this sucks, you're still here. You having to go through treatments means you're still alive. That pain means you're still alive." And that's the perspective that I'm taking with it now. Like, there's people who wish they could have this pain. There's people who wish they could be alive to even feel cancer. And she's progressing with it, though. And it's hard, man. I tell people all the time, I don't know the exact words, they even tell people how I'm dealing with it. You know, I'm just trying my best to be strong for her and try to see the beauty in it. Wow, that's interesting. I did not expect you to say that. How do you see the beauty in cancer in anything like that? Well, it's for me seeing that she still has an opportunity to overcome it. And I think, you know, it's that power perspective in that and saying, "You know what? Her life might not be how she wants it to be, but at least she has life." And that's how I look at my life at times. And everybody should look at their life. Yeah, life might not be adding up to what you wanted to add up to. But at least you have another, every single day is a new beginning. Every day is a new beginning. And certain days aren't going to look like you wanted to look. But at least you have another chance. Like, 100, I tell this that all the time, 150,000 people died every day. It's 55 million people a year. If you're looking for a blessing, put your hand over your heart, realize that's your blessing. You have another opportunity in your life. And that's why I'm so intrigued. And this is like geeky probably. But I'm so intrigued with sunrises and sunsets. A sunrise lets me know that I have another day. And a sunset means I made it through another day. And so I love sunrises and sunsets. And I thank God for it. It's really interesting. You just hit me with that. Because today in particular, the I had so much to do, self-created, I don't ever have to work again if I don't want to. But I had so much that I had allowed to be on my plate that the sunrise was almost frustrating for me because it meant the time was going by. And I just wanted it to stay dark. And I wanted to have more time to work and get something done.
Being grateful for the opportunity. (32:46)
As you were saying, I was like, "Fuck." Now that's a really powerful perspective shift to like one simple difference of framing of like, you know, "Wow, I'm here. I have the opportunity to have a lot of my plate and to dig through it." And it was a point. Like, that's funny you said a lot on your plate. I don't know what rappers, I think it's Lil Wayne. I think he says like, "A lot of my plate is not my favorite dish." She said that. And I think it's a genius line because I'm like, that is true because there are times like, because I went, I go through these moments. Like, I'm flying everywhere and I'm just like, "Ah, should I got to fly here?" Like, my book is like, "This is crazy." And I caught myself like, "Bro." Like, do you realize the life that you have right now? There would be times like, you dreamed of this. You know, even, of course, I thought it would be football, but like, you dreamed of this. You didn't have nothing on your plate. And you would pray to have anything on it. So don't get, you know, of course, I don't want to overwhelm myself with stuff, but don't complain when you have too much on your plate, because there's people that have nothing on it. And so that, those are the perspective shifts that I use, like a lot every single day.
Perspective Shifts (33:48)
Every time I'm complaining, I go to that. Like, you're blessed to be able to be in this position. Like, you wanted this. This was your dream, you know? So. For sure. You talked about mental health earlier. Yeah. Like, so, okay, you hike for your own mental health. What are other things?
Mental Health through Affection and Accomplishment (34:08)
You work out like a demon. Yeah. Is that a mental health thing for you? For sure. So walk us through what are the things you do to really take care of yourself? So, I guess to put in a framework, might seem corny, but I call it the forays. And it's simple. I mean, of course, there's science behind it with the brain, and oxytocin, and dopamine, all these things that are released. But so I started with appreciation for me, like appreciation. So for me, that is whatever it is that day, appreciation for life, my breath, my kids, whatever, roof over my head, all of those things. I thank God for it. The second thing that I do, and I do these, I try to do them every morning. When I don't do them, I can definitely feel a difference. The second thing is affection. You know, I give my wife, I take my son to school every day, give him a hug, give my daughter, if she's awake a hug, because I always say hug, that day keeps depression away. Hugs really help you, like there's science behind it. And then the third thing is accomplishment. So I always set up one win for me, whatever that is. That could be, I used to, it's funny, I used to have a basketball goal. I don't know if you heard this story, but I had a basketball goal outside. We got rid of it, but I would put it like on seven foot, because I was like, I can dunk 10, but I was like, it's early in the morning, like I can't jump that high early in the morning. I would dunk it, because you ever dunk the goal, you know, a ball? - Before, on a very low hoop. - But how did it make you feel? - Yeah, good. - Right, it makes you feel like good and powerful, you know? So I would dunk it and start my day. Start my day off with power. And we got rid of the goal, so I can't do that no more. But that would be my win. I always have some type of win, whether it's right in the journal. And then the fourth thing is activity, which is me working out, me training. So before 12 p.m. for me is me being selfish in self-care. Like my family knows everybody knows, before 12 p.m., don't hit up Trent, unless you really need to. - Dude, starting with power, that's really rad.
Conclusion And Impact Theory
Talk to me about why that. One, I think it's so cool that you can, you know yourself well enough to know that lowering the hoop to seven foot and dunking the shut out of it. It's like gonna actually make you feel some kind of way. Because dude, I'm the same way. Like whether it's putting on music or, you know, doing something like that, where it's like, yeah, I still feel rad. Like even though objectively like, Kobe be laughing at that. - Exactly. - Like it's still, there's something to it. What's the usefulness of that? - Well, I just believe in these words, how you start your day will influence your day. So if you roll over and, you know, of course, grab your phone, like most people do, I do sometimes, and I feel the effects of that. Because now I'm living a response of life. Now I'm not controlling life, right? Now life has taken me where life wants to take me. And some times that place isn't beautiful. I've learned by being around incredible people, they're very intentional with their day and how they start their day. They lead life. They tell life where life is going to go. So if life gives you stress and you're responsive, you're probably going to have a stressful day. But if your intentional life gives you stress, you kind of have a armor already in place to like, ah, okay, I'm bulletproof to that right now. I'm going to keep on pushing and keep on pressing. So how you start your day will influence your day. Those are words that I wake up to every single day in my head. It's like start your day off with power so you can operate throughout this day with power. And it usually works out in my favor. I love that. Yeah, I think it will work out for anyone who tries it. Yeah. The greatest you tell people where they can find it. Yeah, the greatest you, you can go to thegreatestyoubook.com. Of course, my website, trenschilton.com and all my social media at trenschilton. So anywhere that sells books has it. Yeah, the book is fire. Appreciate it, man. Socials are insanity. And the book, I think, is just another way to consolidate all that and give it to people. Yeah. So people like your socials, they're going to love the book. Thank you.
Impact Theory (37:50)
Really do a great job with that. All right. What's the impact that you want to have on the world? I want to make sure everybody knows that they're enough. No matter what they go through, what they've been through, that they are enough. The number one calls for anything is people not knowing that they're enough. They feel like they're not enough. So when they run into me, anything that I do, stage, book, video, I want them to leave. They're knowing that despite life sucking right now, despite this chapter, I am enough. And so when I leave this area, people say, "Trent really care." And he let people know that they can really make people confident in their self-worth and who they are as a person. Then I think that would be a great legacy for me to leave. You know, one of the things that I tell people is that, you know, just because you have some bad chapters doesn't mean your story can't end well. And every story has bad chapters. It's about you finding a strength to turn the page. Even with my faith, I believe this, that God will allow you to go through place you don't understand just to bring you to the place where he needs you to be. And so hold on to that in your struggle, in your journey, in your pain. And then turn your pain from your worst enemy to your best friend. Do that. Use pain, don't let it use you. How do you use pain? Well, my life is a perfect example. I flipped it and now I help people get through that because I've been through it. You know, if I handed you a map and I never hiked the trail and I said, "Hey, Tom, go hike this trail." I never been, I mean, I don't hand you a map. I say, "Tom, go hike this trail." But I never been on it. You look at me like, "I ain't hiking that trail." But if I say, "Hey, hike this trail, this is how you do it. Here's a map." You would take it. You would go through it with confidence. And so when you go through things, when you go through the experience, you become an expert at it. Right? And you help others get through it. So you go through it to help others get through it. So there's a purpose greater than your pain. I promise you that.
Guest Plugs (39:49)
Everybody, the map maker, Trent Shelton. Thank you, brother. I appreciate you. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Thank you. You're incredible. Thank you, brother. Amazing. Guys, I'm telling you, this guy is every bit of accolade he's ever received. He's earned every shred, every follower, every like, every share. It's astonishing. Dive in. Yeah, it will change you if you let it. He's extraordinary. All right. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Brother, holy fuck. Appreciate it. That was amazing, bro. You're amazing, man. If you want something, if you have a passion in your heart, fire in your belly, it's going to be you. It's going to be you getting up early. It's going to be you staying up late. It's going to be you running the miles and going to the gym and eating the kale and doing all the crap that you don't. It's only going to be you.